Best and Worst Pregnancy Advice and Comments

what to expect every step of the way. Have I noticed that there's just something about a baby bump that brings out the busybody in everybody, that breaks down social barriers and norms that usually keep strangers minding their own business, that has everyone and your mother playing the pregnancy police or the pregnancy expert, predicting your baby sex, or speculating on your due date, or even making cracks about your family planning fail. Of course you have. And let's face it,

we are all looking for advice when we're expecting. Chances are you already turned to people who've been there before for a little insight and intel. It's probably why you're listening to this podcast. And today we are turning the tables and turning to you are What to Expect Community to share the best and worst pregnancy advice and comments you've ever received, the things that have shocked or offended you, and the things that have helped motivate and inspire you.

Because as you know, we are all in this together, and I am together with Emma. Hey, Emma, when you were pregnant both times, Okay, we can safely assume that of the unwanted advice you got from me, and then you didn't follow like that aircraft to get other comments that bugged you or rubbed you the wrong way. No, I think the only thing is wow, you look so small. I mean, I think that's like a double edged sword. Need to say that to a pregnant keep it to

yourself exactly. I'm actually really grateful that I didn't have any comments like that towards me, because I literally would have had a meltdown. Yeah, I'm very insecure to be in my youth, So I just don't you that fuel added to that insecurity fire. Yeah, I mean me, it's really hard for me to remember that far back. I mean,

I wasn't that young. I was twenty three. I was a grown up, But I remember people looking at me a little bit funny because I gave off this kind of teen mom vibe and Eric dad, he was a grown up, you know, it was clear that he had gotten me knocked up, so that it seemed like awkward for everyone yeah, yeah, I like it. There was a girlfriend of Eric's friend who asked to see my bump, like we're all sitting around and she said, oh, let me see your belly because we didn't call it bumps

back then, it was belly. And I was so excited and I lifted up my shirt and I was so proud of my ump and she goes, wow, that's really furry. You got so much further. I was mortified. That's normal, Okay, relaxed, turbo sit down. Yeah, no, we're all furry when we're pregnant. I know it goes away. Babies are usually born furry too, so you can exactly keep those comments to yourself. I mean, I have to admit that I've made some comments that I later regretted. I think we all have. But like recently,

at a USO baby shower, a mom was there. She didn't have a baby with her, and usually either the mom is pregnant or she has her baby with her. Well, this mom, I didn't have a baby with her, so I assumed she was pregnized. That what's your due date? And she said, oh, I already had the baby. The baby's home with my husband. And I was like oh no, sorry, So, yeah, I'm a little bit more careful now, but yeah, never assume a woman is pregnant or speculate about her to day.

Now she wants to tell you, she'll tell you. So we asked our moms on social media and the what to Expect message boards to find out what comments. You are all just sick and tired of hearing You're already sick and tired when you're pregnant, but now you're sick and tired of hearing these things. And first, um, what we heard so much was that pregnant moms seemed to be sick of the dire warnings, like the worst case

scenarios that everybody is always giving you. So if you're listening out there, the bottom line is nobody wants to hear your horror stories. Every pregnancy is different, and because you're probably exaggerating the story that that's what tends to happen naturally. You know a mom who's been through the ring or you know, during labor and delivery, she embellishes the story every time she tells it, and it truly does become a horror story, and nobody wants to hear

that when they're about to go into labor. So some of the common responses were labor is so painful. You know people telling you that, Like, duh, we can assume that paper is painful. It's going to hurt. But I don't see why you have to tell a mom that one she's pregnant. I also remember, you're not going to remember that pain. If you remember that pain, no one would have more than one kid. It's true, although I kind of think I do remember the pain. Yeah, but

you also had a natural birth. I had an epidural, so well that's true. Then of course you're not going to remember. That's what epidurals were made for. So anyway, something else they're sick of hearing is you're never going to sleep again, or you think you're tired. Now you just wait. I'm guilty of saying that to so many people, so you might want to rethink that strategy. Yeah, this whole episode has made me rethink my whole life, so

I'm glad me too. I feel like I've said so many things that could have been offensive, so probably best to just yeah or edit yourself when in doubt, just be quiet. Yeah, you got some from your Instagram that we're pretty yeah. The best one was enjoy every second, and then she put the nausea emoji because like a lot of people are puking for nine months and they're like, okay, yeah, I'm going to enjoy every second, praying to the porcelain gods, thank you. I love that. Another one is life is

about to end. I won't be anything I want ever again. And then the mom's like, okay, well, life actually began when I had my son, and I thought that was awesome. She took a negative and turned it into a positive. The truth is your life begins. It really does. So I really like that way of thinking. It's a different life, better in some ways, even better in other ways. And then there's the rest. We don't need to, you know, go there with her when she's still pregnant. Let her

find out and decide for herself. Of the moms were bothered by the endless barrage of questions. I don't know if you got any of these, emma, but you know, are you breastfeeding or bottle feeding? You know, what are your plans to feed the baby? Insert judgment? How long were you trying? Like? Seriously, okay, my sex, like my sex life unless it's mad, then I'll tell you all

about my sex life. But for most people, they don't like to talk about that, especially you know what, like that's not a fair question because someone had infertility problems or they couldn't get pregnant for a while. There's so many varitables about becoming pregnant, so let's just not go there. If she wants to volunteer it, then let her be the one to share. This one surprised me a lot because a lot of people said they don't like being

asked how are you feeling now? I asked this of pregnant women all the time, but it's because I care and like, I want them to share if they have, you know, symptoms that are bothering them, or if they just want to say they feel great. But a lot of you reported being tired of repeating you know how I'm feeling. I'm tired, and I'm Cassie and I'm uncomfortable, my bad hurts my crot shirts, or on the other hand, you know, tired of just lying and saying, oh, I

feel fine because it leads to an easier conversation. What do you think about the question? Yeah, I was surprised by that, although I do get it, I sometimes feel like, Okay, I just don't want to talk to anybody right now, so I just don't talk to me. So I kind of understand that, but I mean people care after. I mean, if it's a family member or like your best friend, like, you can't really fault them for caring exactly, but it's

still sometimes it gets annoying, I guess. So some of the most common questions are rhetorical and just plain rude. You're still pregnant, like when is that baby going to be born already? Um? And then there's the perennial favorite are you sure you're not having twins? People on my Instagram they're like, they're like, are you sure there's only one? M nice? And then there's a question when you have twins, or you tell someone you're expecting twins and they're like, oh,

did you have fertility treatment? Okay, zipp at peanut Gallery and there are moms like you, you had IVF with lenox I put two babies in there, yeah, and you would probably be happy to discuss you know, your fertility treins, But like, exactly, I'm not everybody. I will be happy to talk about anything, anything, all day, any day. But most people, especially you know, pregnant women, are not like me, especially people who are going through those kinds of struggles.

They don't want to talk about it. Yeah, and I mean some moms are happy to talk about it, especially if they can help another mom out who might be facing those fertility struggles themselves. I mean, that might be why they're asking, not just because they're nosy, although they might just be nosy. I've had moms say when they're asked about their twins, they say, well, they were made with love, so which is true, Like they were made with love, even if they were made in you know,

a laboratory or if they were made in bed. Another comeback that some moms give is well, we had sex twice in the same night. Well, like who hasn't at some point in her eyes, sometimes five times. Um Unsolicited advice was a big theme. Not surprisingly, some moms said they've been told over and over you can drink in the third trimester. Well, that is a discussion between a woman and her doctor, not a woman and you stranger person.

The person in like the grocery store exactly, and the you should comments like you should eat this, you should sleep now you should buy this and you should shut up. You should shut up, Yes, definitely, And I mean you had some odd ones that I had never heard before. Yeah, I had some bizarre ones. I had someone say someone told her not to eat mustard, and someone said, don't eat spicy food. So, first of all, if anyone told you not to eat mustard, you probably would have flipped mustard. Yeah,

you love mustard um and hot food. I mean I've heard people say that, oh, it's gonna make the baby's eyes burn or something. No. Yeah, it's just like the whole thing, like when a man's like, I'm scared to have sex. I don't want my penis to hit the baby in the head. Well it's not bulls. Don't don't have sex and eat spicy food at the same time. And then, of course the pregnancy police are everywhere, everywhere, everywhere,

so many Karen's up in here. Yeah, like the woman at Starbucks who says, are you sure you should be having that giant coffee drink? So many people have said that people in Starbucks has actually come up to them and said, are you sure you've been drinking that when you're pregnant? And then like say you were in a restaurant and you're drinking something out of a cocktail glass. You should not be drinking. I don't make those assumptions.

And again, it's a conversation between a doctor and a mom, not between you busybody person, or you shouldn't be carrying that heavy bag or that toddler. There was a mom online who said that her mother in law forbade her to hold the toddler right, yeah, while she was at her house. Yeah, that's another conversation with the doctor. Now with you mother in law. Yeah, I love you. But everybody has an opinion. Opinions are like you know what,

because everybody has one. Oh yeah, um, And then there that don't gain too much weight and don't eat too much sugar. Again, check with the doctor with the person checking you out of the store. Oh and speaking of that, there's the family planning police too, apparently, because one mom was at a store, she was pregnant and she had her very young toddler with her, and then checker said, I kid you not, I hope you're ready to be

a single mother of two under two. And she was actually married, not that it mattered, right, Like this was none of this woman's business. She was married, but her ring didn't fit anymore because of pregnancy. Plus so she wasn't wearing a ring. But who did she think she is making that? Who are these people? Like? Where in your head? Is that okay to say? But but also it is okay to be a single mother of course, Like I want to know who this woman is so I can go into that store and just have a

word with her. You and me both, honey, you and me both. A few moms who have closely space babies are also tired of hearing, wow, you all are fast, or isn't it time to start using birth control once again? A conversation? You just jealous that I'm sleeping with my husband, not with you, not with you. I feel like people who say that are just jealous that those you know, parents are having so much sex enough to get pregnant

two months after they have a baby. And of course, there were lots of comments on pregnant woman's bodies, which seemed to be like community property somehow, Right when you're pregnant, everybody thinks they know something about your body that you should know. You're not pregnant. We're all pregnant. And this was one of the most common things you responded about.

Not surprisingly, we have some personal stories too. So yeah, my father in law, Norm, I've told this story before, but to this day he always says to pregnant women, so when you have in the twins, he said that to me times right, And he also did say to me, Um, you're starting to look pregnant from behind, ye remember with me, and your face is starting to look pregnant. Thanks Norm. I do love Norm, but still I love him. Um,

he should be careful to tread lately. Our producer's father in law, he said, when she announced her pregnancy, the first words were, actually, pregnancy is not an excuse, by the way, to eat lots of ice cream and gain a of weight, not congratulations. Were so excited for you? So the ice cream not cool. A lot of moms told me they were sick of hearing wow, you're about to pop ps. They were like, twenty six weeks. That was not something they wanted to hear. People are a

real dream team. Oh, don't make assumptions about a woman's doo days. Essentially, because healthy babies come in all kinds of packages. I can tell you're having a girl because you're caring so wide, or you're having a girl because girls take your beauty. Well, yeah, you can do the math on that one. That's really such a compliment. Or you're caring so small, and what that does is make

you worry that something's wrong with the baby. It sounds like a compliment, but then it's the way a pregnant woman's brain works is she's already going to stress out, and then you're caring so low, and then you stress out that you're gonna have the baby pre term. It's not like any one means harm with these comments. You know, they're just trying to enjoy your pregnancy with you to participate in it. But I think there's a lesson to

all of us. This was a common thing that mom said on your social media, So what were some of the things that you heard? To your face? Is so full? Pregnant too, you're so big. There's no way you're making it to your due day. I mean like that kind of thing, And honestly, like I know myself and that's your trigger. I feel like you're very different. You know, how would you react. I'm a bit of a tongue biter, so it would take a lot for me to actually say what I was really thinking and maybe I'll tell

someone later. But you know, then again, it's totally fine to explode if that's what you're feeling and you need to vent. It depends on the day. For me, Like I've been known to get into altercations with other people when it comes to like other people, like I saw this guy at Starbucks being mean to this older lady. I'll totally fight kind of situation when it comes to myself, Like if I'm pregnant, I feel like I'm a little bit more measured submissive. So I'm gonna obsess about it

for like eight months internally. Internally, I'm gonna obsess about it. I'm gonna cry, it's gonna be at the forefront of my mind and I'm not gonna get over. But not just my personality. No, and it's completely valid. So let's not say this to pregnant women anymore. Just say you look beautiful. So we asked our community the best advice they ever got when they were pregnant and when they were new parents, and some of it was motivational, like

you look beautiful, you look like you're flourishing. Enjoy your body and your waking, enjoy the newborn days. They go too fast. One that sounded inspirational slash motivational wasn't to the mom who received it. The person said, you're going to love being pregnant. Yes, she did not love being pregnant. Spoiler alert yes, so that that didn't go over so well.

Every mom is different, every reaction is different. Some moms loved hearing you're not gonna love being pregnant, and some loved hearing it's okay not to love being pregnant, which I would say plenty of moms do not love being pregnant. It's really a crapshoot, so to speak as a patient, So, um, I love this one. Actually, this is great, and this is something everyone should say to every pregnant woman that they care about. Let me know if you need anything

or you need to talk. I mean, that's such a simple, great thing to say to her pregnant woman or a new mom, and it leaves the door open. It's not assuming or presuming. Is leaving the door open that if she needs something, she knows that she can come to. And that could be if she's depressed or anxious or you know, having a really rough time. She knows someone is there for her, and that's that's a great gift. Exactly. Emma, you've got some great practical advice for moms on your Instagram.

Oh gosh, somebody, these are so good. Okay, so a lot of people recommend journaling. Yeah, I did like two pages of a journal and I quit. But that's just my personality. It's such a great thing. It's really great for like releasing and just like memories. This is the best one. Okay, she said, create an email address now, send pictures and notes, and give the log in to your child when they turn eighteen. That's awesome. Well it's still work. Yeah, technology change or something. I mean, I've

had a all for like twenty years, that's true. Yeah, I mean that's kind of like a variation of what moms used to do, like write a letter to your baby, which you can still do, or you can make a little time capsule. Yeah, so this is like the millennial version. I love it. Yeah, me too. Drink lots of water, don't be ashamed to ask for help, and ask for help when you need it. My friend actually said, your mom, how do you telling me how to push out a baby? And the baby was out in six minutes, which is

ironic because I don't listen to anything you say. And I pushed forever and I couldn't figure out how to push. So maybe I should have taken some advice I was. I was right by your side telling you how to push. When I didn't. I was just too concerned I was going to poop in front of my husband. I did not want to. So as everybody should know, you push like you're going to have the biggest poop of your life.

So I tell this some mom's all the time when they're worried about the pushing part, I tell them, yeah, just look down, look down past your belly, and don't push with your face, because that's what I did, and I ended up with bruce is all over the place. I just couldn't at how to push. It's just not my talent um. Other things mom said they loved hearing about where pregnancy pillows and prenatal yoga. Many people love it.

The best advice. A mom told me. She told me she got the best advice and she didn't follow it, and then as soon as she didn't follow it, she immediately regretted it. And that was to read up and learn about breastfeeding. I mean that could sound like something judgmental, but in fact, the person telling her this was just giving your heads up that breastfeeding is the natural process.

It doesn't always come naturally, and she found that out as soon as she had her baby and wish that she had, you know, given herself that grace, but also realized that it's a process that you need to learn and that you have to be patient while you're learning. Yeah, it's not like the movies where they just latch on

and it's magical and the angels things. Usually sometimes it is something else was stay off Google and so funny because Emma Roberts posted on Instagram that she had been Googling a lot, I guess and it's stressed her out. So then she got a copy of what to expect when you're expecting and then she felt calm and happy. Emma thing, that was really nice. But I totally agree, do not google. Step away from the Google. I'm so

guilty of googling. Step away from the Google. If you have any questions, and you know, you can always ask me on Facebook or Instagram, but also call your doctor or your midwife. Yeah, don't page doctor. Google don't go down that rabbit hole. Lots and moms also said get an epidural. Now, Emma, that's probably your advice that you

give everyone I I do and now. Um. My top pregnancy advice, and you've all heard this one before is remember every pregnancy, every pregnant body, every labor and delivery, every baby is different. But the funny thing about this is that some moms on social media said that this advice makes them sick too, and they roll their eyes out. But it's true, it's true. But everything makes you roll your eyes at some point because you hear it over and over and over again, especially from me. I'm sorry,

I apologize in advance. Apology accepted. Other people's experiences are fun to hear sometimes, but they don't reflect your experience. Okay, so that's a variation on the theme. And other people's choices are their own and they shouldn't influence your choices, so don't let them get you down or make you doubt yourself. Emma, what's the best advice you could give pregnant and new moms besides getting epidural getting upidural? Although of my friends are like anti epidural and didn't have

them exactly their choice. Yeah, their joys. And that's that's my best advice. Follow your own heart and your gut, because the thing is, during pregnancy is really the time when you start developing those like maternal gut instincts and you know, totally stay with you throughout your whole journey and motherhood, and you've got to trust them. You gotta learn to trust them during pregnancy because they usually don't

steer you wrong. That's a fact. So, yeah, if you're pregnant and you're on the receiving end of all that unsolicited advice, all the advice you didn't ask for, all the advice that's pissing you off, just keep thinking about that baby you're going to hold in your arms and all the ship that people told you you can just forget who baby love a baby love. I need you, Oh how I need you. Thanks for listening. Remember I'm always here for you. What to Expect is always here

for you. We're all in this together. For more on what you heard on today's episodes, visit what to Expect dot com slash podcast. You can all so check out What to Expect when You're expecting, What to Expect the first year, and the What to Expect app, and we want to hear from you. Connect with us on our community message board or on our social media. You can find me at Heidi Murkoff and Emma at Emma Being w t E and of course at What to Expect.

Baby Love is performed by Riley Biterer. What to Expect is a production of I Heart Radio. From more shows from I Heart Radio check out the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. In my Arms, what on? Just stay Nija Nieda Baby Baby