Aloha mai kakou, welcome to a new episode of What School You Went? where we start every conversation with this question because, well, that's how we connect here in Hawaii. I'm Ron Mizutani, and today we're talking about a status that not everyone is comfortable with. We're talking about the highs and the lows of reaching auntie and uncle status. I want to welcome my dear friend, Mona Wood-Sword to the conversation.
Mona is the president of Ikaika Communications, a publicist and marketing guru, creator of Kick Okole Events, writer, editor, and so much more, and a longtime friend. Mona, welcome to the program.
Aloha Ron.
Before we get started, what school you went?
The best one, of course, Kamehameha Schools.
Whoop whoop, imua. And that's not why you're here today. You know, I'm biased to the heights. What's up with you lately?
You know...
COVID must have changed your world.
It was a roller coaster, and we're still on the roller coaster. So we went from zero to 60 in literally probably a couple of days once spring break hit. So a lot of my clients, at least half of my clients are restaurants, others are also in the visitor industry. So, you know, we had a ghost town for many, many months. And then also Spring Break hit and you're just trying to balance getting people back to work, which is still an issue actually. So it's, it's
exhausting. It's challenging, at the same time, we're glad to be busy. But you know...
Change is hard, but change is growth and without change, without change we don't have butterflies. So...
This is true.
You know, so we all we all endure, we cope. And we move forward. Speaking of coping, I'll never forget the day somebody called me uncle. I was traumatized. I was surfing at Big Rights in Ala Moana.
You remember exactly the time and the place?
You better believe it. And some young Grom said, "go uncle." In other words, giving me the wave. And I should have took off, but I was so offended. I pulled back and I said, "who the heck are you calling uncle?" And it was that that moment that I realized, "I'm getting old." What was your first experience?
I also remember the exact time and day, because I stopped in my tracks. And I'm not even lying, I actually had a tear. My eyes started to well with tears. And, you know, it was like, my youth was just suddenly stopped right there. And it was a little kid. You know, I think it would have been worse if it was somebody older, but it was a little kid. And in the back of my mind, I knew it was a sign of respect. I was probably because I think I was 29 or 30 at the time, which is
still super, super young. And I would just pay somebody dear money to go back to that. But in my head, I was still 19, 20, right? So when that happened, it just stopped me in my tracks. And my heart you know, just like stabbed me and felt like Hawaiian salt was rubbing in it. Because I was just devastated too and it's so shallow, but it kind of meant like I wasn't this young hot chick running around anymore. I was looked at as their parents level right?
I can't say I was ever a hot chick myself. But there was a day when I could walk around without a shirt now I won't be seen without one, even in front of my wife, but it is a sign of respect and endearment here in Hawaii and you know, you say that to your aunty, your uncle, but also to anybody who's older than you. And that's special about Hawaii, isn't it?
Yeah, I guess. You know, this is 30 years later for me. It still kind of picks me a little bit. Because, I mean, I guess the day somebody actually calls me tutu I will just stand there and drop dead because that will be the total end, but the aunty thing, I mean, it really draws that line in the sand so to speak, right? So it is devastating, and now I can take it but there is still a little bit of a cringe to tell you the truth. Isn't that silly?
No it's not. You know what's the worst, and I think people who are listening can relate, whether your auntie or uncle - and it's "uncle" by the way, it's not "unko", U-N-K-O, which is another word in Japanese, all completely. But we won't get into that. But there's a right time and a wrong time to use "aunty". I mean, you got to know when. Especially if you're the person calling you Aunty is older than you. I mean, because I cannot even... by the way, I'm no longer uncle status.
I've reached kupuna status.
Do people call you tutu?
I've been called kupuna Ron before, and it upset me. You know, now I'm like you, I embrace the days that people did call me uncle.
That one hurts even more. Well, so there was a period where it was just little kids that did it. And then now pretty much everybody does it. If they don't know your name, it's always "aunty" or they'll say, "oh, tell Aunty that you want this" or "tell Aunty this." And again, each one is just a little stab now. I'm not dying
anymore. Nobody's called me kupuna or tutu yet, but I noticed that a lot of times, media people will say, "we're doing the 'aging well' or we're doing a kupuna story, or we're doing this, and they come to me a lot more than they used to before, but at the same time, you know, the aunty thing. It's such a Hawaii thing. I mean, there is a Japanese equivalent, as you know. So, you know, I spent a lot of my young
adulthood in Japan. And in Japan, they say "oneechan" when you're kind of your, maybe you're parent status or a little bit under in that 20s, 30s. So they would call me Mona-neechan, or Mona oneechan, or just oneechan. And that was really cute, because that kept me in that like, younger category. And then one day, it did move to obasan, which is aunty there. So they kind of have the equivalent too. I had the same reaction there. I just nearly died when when I started turning into
obasan. Nobody calls me oneechan anymore. But at the same time, I think I've turned around a little bit in that I do know it's a term of endearment. It makes it inclusive. You're not just a person, you're somebody they consider kind of ohana in a way. So yeah, it's a little bit better.
Still, like you said, right? We try to hold off that status as long as possible, and really, it's out of our control. Now that I can get my AARP card, and soon, I can get my benefits at Zippy's, which I cannot wait - by the way, they pushed that back five years, and I was really upset about that.
Oh really? Movies is 55.
I know. I'm there.
Didn't you used to refuse telling people about your status to get senior discount?
Well, I never had to worry about that. I always had a youthful look. And all of a sudden these lines showed up on my forehead. And then the metabolism just isn't what it used to. My wife says the gray actually makes you look distinguished.
It does, Max too. My husband too. But yeah, we just keep aging. I mean, I'm gonna color my hair till... my mom's 97, still colors her hair.
That's awesome.
So I think that's where I get all this from.
Your hair looks great, by the way.
Thank you, everyone in podcast land.
In podcast world. By the way, I'm so new to podcasts, I always think this is going to be on radio. So I'm
Podcast is the thing though, now. still trying to get used to it. I told my oldest boy who has now reached uncle status himself that dad was gonna start a
We had Lanai on recently. And he's from Lanai podcast and he's like, "what do people want to hear about from you?" Jokingly, but I said "brah, I can still take you." High School. And I asked him to sing his alma mater. I'm not gonna put you on the spot because I would have to sing tenor.
Did you in any of your years, did you win song contest?
Why you gotta go there? No, I did not.
It's funny. I only remember the years we won. I don't remember any of the other songs. So it's very selective memory, you know?
So let me tell you a story. Brickwood Galuteria? 19... I won't say his class year. Another class that never won at all. Never.
May I say that he is older than both of us? May I say that?
Yes. Yes. I think I might have been Elementary School Brick, but I just talked to him last week, because he's doing a kupuna show himself.
Actually I love that show.
I've been a guest on it. By the way. True story.
He talked to me all about it. I'm just like, if you invite me I am going to kill you.
Yeah. If you have an uncle show, I'm all over there. But he and I share that common bond that we were two classes, and I think there's one more class, than never won. Yeah, I've never felt the thrill of victory. Only the agony of defeat. You know, it's been over almost 40 years, and I still have like deep scars and wounds and thanks for bringing that back p.
Oh, you're welcome. Well, then I won't go through our illustrious record for like class of '77 then.
I can still sing all the songs, but yeah, I remember it. And we're really digressing, but I remember the class of '84, they were dominant. And with my senior year, we thought we had it. We were just a bunch of kolohes. After it was all done and pau, we were in the bathroom at the Blaisdell. it was still Blaisdell then yeah? Yeah. It was HIC before.
Oh that's right. Gosh, that really is uncle status.
But um, I remember the juniors, I was a senior, they came into the bathroom wearing their green. And they said "no worries seniors, next year." Needless to say, had
It's like rubbing salt in it. You know, beef. that's not fair. And it's such a thing at Kamehameha. You know, we're so lucky to have had that as part of our history growing up. And because of that I developed such an interest for Hawaiian language and culture, and I just kept singing even when I went to UH. And even after that, I joined another
choral group. That feeling of just singing and creating this beautiful harmony and Song Contest is one time even people who are not into music at all, they're forced to be in it, and you can just feel the voices coming together. Of course, they put the mic closer to the people that can actually sing... you guys don't know all the secrets out there. But there's people that they favor more so you keep the mics closer to those they
center them. And the people aren't that great, they're kind of ouut on the peripheries.
I was front row all four years. I was tenor, but I had hard time sticking with my tenor piece. So I had a bass always next to me, and I would go back and forth. But as I matured...
I was soprano, I cannot hit anywhere near those notes anymore. I think I'm an alto now actually. But yeah, those memories at Kamehameha were so good.
You know, I want to bring it back to our topic today about...
Oh yeah, what was it?
That's part of it all, you know, first the memory goes. But you know, there are rules that you should have. I just wrote down a few that came to mind. If she's your friend's mom or aunty, she's aunty. If she's your aunty's friend or mom's friend, she's aunty okay. You still with me?
I'm with ya.
If you're both adults, and you don't know her very well, you don't call her aunty. That's a no-no. Unless your friends are calling her aunty. Okay. Then you're good to go. But still, there's a caveat there, because you don't know how it's going to be received by the other person.
And they probably will be offended. I kind of would be in that circumstance.
One thing that I watched in a restaurant, speaking of restaurants, you should know this. You never use the word aunty if you asking somebody for a favor. So like, "aunty, I can have some more wasabi?" You know...
Maybe in like a diner... you know what? I'm sorry. I'll take that back. A diner I've been to like my whole life. Yeah. Because that lady is Aunty already right. She's kind of the extended family. She's taken my brunch order for my entire lifetime. Yeah, yeah. So there is that?
There's some rules there. And then finally a pause here. Because this is very, very... I want to be politically correct. When you don't know, genuinely don't know the sex of the person, you not gonna say aunty. Or uncle. And that's very real. You could find yourself in a world of hurt.
Well, it's like that thing, you don't ask a person whose a little overweight, "when are you due?" So we've all kind of done that at least once in our lives. But it's the same thing though. But that's so funny, times have changed. And you know, it's so different now. Here we are, aunty and uncle now. I'm trying to stay relevant though. Because you know, I'm in PR. I always have to keep my finger on the pulse of what's going on, depending on what
market I'm reaching out to. So some things might market as young so I have to get to social media I have to know what their lifestyle is and everything. Some are seniors, like older than me, seniors. And they're still reading the newspaper. And then there's everybody in between. So I constantly have to do that. But I do get lost. I try really hard. And you're in media, you have to do that too. ]What do they want to watch, you know...
How they consume their content is different these days, and everything else. But aunty uncle status is still relevant, by the way, to Generation Y, Z, they still understand the concept, the endearment and the respect of Good times. Good times. I will forever remember that day? And
I have to say, I know that when I was called the term. aunty at my tender age of 29, those kids were totally doing it I'm okay with it now. Took us 30 years. out of respect. And I just didn't feel that at the time. I
Took me a long time. When I was at KHON, one of can look back now and say, yay, that's great. But at the time, it was really traumatic for me too, you know, so our producers called me kupuna Ron. Now granted, I was doing a segment called Kupuna Caregiver and Kupuna Life, but for some reason, that became my name in the newsroom toward the end of my stay there.
Was it a little stab every time?
I don't know, but I was very offended by it, very offended and I said, When did I stop being uncle? I'll never forget, this is long, even before that, an intern would say What about like bruddah or brah? Like, do you get that too? Mr. Mizutani. I would say, call me Ron, because that's my dad's name, Mr. Mizutani. I stopped being that, and then became uncle and now kupuna. So it's like, you go through these phases of life here in Hawaii that are very special. Nah, not for a long time.
Because I did get "sis", "sistah". That was all cool with me. When somehow it transitioned to "aunty". So it started with little kids. And then other people still call me "sis", "sistah", you know, like, as you age, it kind of changes, then everybody, it was aunty right? And as I said, I haven't quite got tutu yet, but I'm sure it's gonna come. And I take care of all my little nieces and nephews, and my husband's grandkids. So we're with them all the time. And obviously, I'm
not their parents. But nobody said it yet.
You're holding on.
I tried to look extra youthful those days.
Thank you for stopping by. I know, you're busy. And I can only imagine with COVID. I got to ask, though, because folks who know you again, you're behind the scenes, but how's Dog doing? Dog the Bounty Hunter? He's one of your longtime clients.
You know, I mean, at this point, he's not doing a show. He's looking for something else right now. But, you know, losing Beth was very tough. And since then, he's been going a little crazy, to be really honest. She was the center that pulled everything together in that family. So I think he's okay, he'll check in with me. I'm not really working with him anymore, because he doesn't have a show going on. But, you know, again, we're family. So he checks in with me
a lot. And I check in on him when I see in the news that he's doing something crazy, like what are you doing? But yeah, he seems to be you know, there's some time and distance. And I think he'll be okay.
You know, what, continued success to you. And stay healthy, please. My aloha to your husband and all that you both do for this community. Thank you. You're a special person. Of course, you know that in my world in my life and have been for many years. And I say that with respect because that means we're old but...
Thank you, Uncle Ron.
No problem kupuna, tutu...
Right back at you. Not just love you, but I've always really respected you and your work and how's your lovely wife, by the way?
She's great. She has not reached aunty status yet.
She never will, that young little kid. She's beautiful.
Mahalo nui for joining us everybody. Tune in next week for another episode of What School You Went? Until next time, a hui hou.
What School You Went? is a PBS Hawaii Production. Music by Taimane Gardner. If you enjoyed this episode, let us know on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and tell your friends. You can find us on PBShawaii.org And everywhere you get your podcasts.