Tig Notaro

She was nominated for two Grammys and an Emmy. Her memoir I'm Just a Person is a New York Times bestseller. Let's start a family who had children six years ago? What was that? Like a big change? But that's what I was hoping for. That's what everybody would say to me, is, um, you know your life is going to change drastically. Hey, yeah, that's what I want, right, I'm signing up for that. Yeah.

Or when people say enjoy every moment, like yeah, so we're both parents together we have seven children, but not together. She has four, I have three. Um, so has your humor changed since you started parenting. I wouldn't say it's changed. I would say, you know, there's kind of been a slow shift in the Before I got married, I used to just say whatever I wanted on stage, and then that changed a little bit because my wife Stephanie was like, oh, I don't know if that's really what happened or that's

really personal to us. And then I started looking at things a little differently in that way where I was like, oh, yeah, maybe that doesn't go on stage. And then when we had kids, there was the other place of protecting their privacy, deciding what to share whatnot. So it's more of a filter process with Stephanie. Say that parenting with you is very funny, No, I think there are funny moments for sure. Oh my gosh. Even just this morning, our son we went on vacation, our son, which I think I can

tell this, but our son max Is. We asked, you know, are you excited to get back to school and he said, yeah, you know, I've got I've got a lot of martial arts classes to teach, and yeah, We're like, what are you doing? I said, well, I just I teach martial arts in school. And you know, Adrian's in the class and Lucas is in the class, and so it's funny in that way. But parenting is. I remember old friends

of mine who had been together since college. They were each other's first girlfriends, and they said that their relationship was just smooth sailing until they had children, and then they said we argued about everything down to how to cross the street with our children. And I didn't understand that. And not that Stephanie and I are arguing about everything at all, but it really is challenging to because we didn't discuss before we had kids, how do you feel

about this? What do you think about this? So what do you do down the road and any of that. We were just like, yeah, let's have kids, and we did, and we were like, wow, you think that you feel

that doing that, I'm doing this and it's really interesting. Well, and it's also within the filter of being exhausted all the time, So not only are you negotiating that, but you're doing it while you're exhausted, which leads to so many more arguments and intention about things that you normally wouldn't care about, but when you're hanging by a threat.

When we were when our babies were tiny and we were both working and they you know, we didn't sleep train and then I finally I was filming a TV show, and I said, I think I'm gonna do sleep training, and Stephanie was against sleep training and I was like, but I'm We're in the writer's room that was filming all day, Like, I'm losing my mind. And so she agreed to try it, and we put the babies down, we walk out of the room. They start screaming and we're standing there and um, I said, Okay, I guess

we just go back to our room. And she said, so you're just fine with this. You're just fine with sing to our baby scream And I was like, no, I'm not. I am not fine with this. This is devastating. I don't know what to do. I'm losing my mind. We had the exact same argument. I think it's every couple if there's always one like end path like me. He was like, I can't bear ever one second I listen. I couldn't bear story. I hired. I got desperate and hired a woman on the phone who lived in Idaho

to teach me how to teach gets to sleep. But she did. I was like, are you like, like she taught me how to do it in three days for a service like that, And then we never we were all over the place. We were just like, Hi, yeah, so I'm giving my credit card and then we got what do we do? And I was like, we a company favorite clients because we never called. Well, Harvey carp came to our house. You ever him from the Happiest

Baby on the Block. He wrote this amazing, amazing but tappy seeing on the black and he taught us how to teach our child to sleep through the night at thirteen months. Oh my gosh, that was her first night to sleep at you. Meanwhile, my brother and his wife had a baby five months ago and they called us and they were like, yeah, Mark sleeps eleven hours a night. He's like dying. We didn't have that, and nor do we have. Stephanie would always point out kids that were

just sitting at the parties. She was like, how are how's this kid just sitting on someone's lap. Our kids are just up the tree and in the pool, and so what kind of kid were you? Um? I was into stuff that was definitely into I was up the tree and you know, well, yes, of course, Um. I failed three grades, I dropped out of high school. I smoked, I played guitar, I snuck out of the house, you know, drove without a license when I was you know, I was like eleven and driving around smoking. And so when

did you get straight? In terms of you're not, I would say, I feel like, you know, it was a process of, honestly, speaking of when did I get straight? Was figuring out that I was gay, and you know, learning who I was. I was like, oh, this is me. And then um becoming a comedian, I was like, oh, this is me. And so I think I was just slowly getting on a path in life and stand Up really really whipped me into shame. What was the first name that you did? Stand up? What was it like?

It went really well, and I got cocky, and I was like, from this is easy. I guess I'm just naturally great at this. And then I went up the second time and I bombed and ran off the stage and drove home while my friend Derek left hysterically at me on the car ride from Orange County. He was just he was in tears. It's true, And so how do you go back the third time? You know, it's kind of like sadly like an abusive relationship where it's

like you keep finding hope that like Oh it'll be better. Oh, oh, it'll be nicer, you know, and it's tied to some sort of terrible thing I guess in people's lives where they're like, oh, I'm I'll make them happy. I'll do it right this time, you know, and you're stuck in the cycle of like bombing and then doing well, and then bombing and doing well and over and over and over. At what point did you feel like you've broken through, like I've actually made it or some semblance have made it.

Truly the first open mic I did because I never imagined and people think I'm exaggerating, but my whole childhood I wanted to be a stand up comedian and I never thought I could. I didn't think it was I always say that, And this is a terrible example now because what I was going to say is it's like wanting to be president. You know that not anyone can be president, but now we know anyone can be president.

But it's more of like that feeling of like, how do you go to space, how do you become president? How do you become a stand up comedian? How do you research? How? I mean, what did you do well? I didn't. I had no plans to really become one my best friends that I grew up with. They were moving to Los Angeles and I had gone through a breakup, and I was like, well, I guess I'll just go

with you. And I went and I opened the l a weekly, and there was so many opportunities to get on stage, and so I started going to watch stand up for two weeks to check out the scene, and then I just thought, well, I guess I'll sign up for an open mic. And when I got on stage, I I couldn't believe I was doing what I had

always dreamed of doing. That it was truly just signing my name on a paper and walking on stage, but spending the two weeks prior talking to myself in the mirror and I would hold a UM flashlight and talk to myself in the mirror. And then I one did it. So you have succeeded. It's something that most people don't Why you mean stand up? Because I was not asking

the marriage. Why do I think I have succeeded. I think there's something too consistency, and I think in stand up, if you're getting at the time laughs, I feel like you're on the right track. And so that kept me sucked in and continuing. And but I also once I had that initial bite in the open mic, I really

couldn't stop. I was on stage seven nights a week, and I was always told that I wasn't going to be a headlining comedian because I was too low key, or I was female or gay or all of those things. And it's hard for people, maybe now to realize you really were told that. And I used to think, okay, fine, I'll just do this as long as I can, and then I'll end up in a writer's room, which is what I was told was where somebody like me would end up this, you know, working for somebody that's on

stage or on the show or something. And I thought, that's fine, if that's down the road, i'll end up there. But I'm going to do this as long as I can. And I just kept doing it. And I think that's really key, is showing up and being passionate. And boy was passion I didn't even have a car. I rode my bicycle from Hollywood to Santa Monica. I would go and people couldn't sweaty and I'd be like, all right, guy walks into a now a quick when was the last time you had an off open mic night or

an off night doing stand up. I did a show on I just finished a seventy plus city tour and there is a city they will remain nameless where people simultaneously felt like, how did you recover? After that? It was truly like I have been all around this country.

You're not out in the city. You're not gonna because I'm probably gonna have to go back there another year and the same people are going to come back because they didn't think that's an optimist perspective, But it was a weird feeling where I was like, I've been doing this twenty five years. I've just done you know, so many shows on this tour, and you're telling me this

is not funny. I mean, there's a part of me that I have had a certain amount of success which has built up my confidence that truly, when I have a night like that, I just in my head going, I've been through worse and just take the money and run. Amy Before we dig into our time with Tig and I have to admit I barely knew who she was. I mean, she was familiar in her face to me, but like I really didn't know her work before we interviewed her, and I am obsessed with her, Like I

was online looking for tickets to her show. I think she is the funniest human she was. On her website, she has a section called secrets, and then it says, please do not share this information with anyone. And the secrets are things like I loved drawing Civil War portraits as a child and oh my God and Amy holding one. More guilty pleasures are America's the funniest rome videos and

walking upright that's articulous. The truth is, like, this is a woman who can opine about what it is to live a life and be a woman in the middle of her life and deal with things like cancer and romance and kids and sexuality, and like find that humor that we desperately need to get through the hard parts. So what did you think of tig I think she's incredibly smart and brilliant. I love her. I want to

be her friend. Are you surprised? No? I mean I really want to be her friends, Like, I really want her to come to one of our dinners. Like I'm kind of like obsessed fan girl of hers. Did you get her email? Not sure? Amy? But you know I can find it because I can find anyone's email. I have her email. Maybe I'll hear with you. Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. Look how generous Amy emails and is I love it. I am like open source, open source

is my motto about networking. Be open source with your networks. But Amy and I are open source, of course, But like I feel like and this just like goes into a conversation about networking, which is probably an unlikely place to take the taking into interview. But I do think like you and I are two of the best networkers I know, and part of it is because we are generous with our introductions, but we're also smart with them, right, So I just want to share one or two tips

about smartly introducing people. One way to smartly introduce people is to introduce people that you know. They're sort of a mutually beneficial reason that you are introducing these two people. So like, for example, I know if Amy's introducing me to someone, and even if for that person at the time, there's probably a reason Amy wants me to know that person, and that person is someone who will probably reappear in

my life in various ways. Professionally. I think that sometimes people make the mistake of introducing someone to someone just as a favorite to them with no benefit to the other person. And I think that when you do a cold intro like that, there has to be a benefit to both people. I think that's right, And I just want to bring up the point that, like, we know each other because somebody introduced us, who thought we should know each other because we were both starting companies at

the same time. So Rachel Star introduced us, not because I asked to know you or you asked to know me, but because she said, these two people need to know each other. One thing that you and I will probably always disagree on is the double opt in intro. We're always going to disagree on. It drives me crazy when people write me or call me to ask if they can introduce me to someone, because if you're someone I trust, you have an open invitation to introduce me to someone.

How I follow up with that is my own thing. But you never have to ask me and then ask them, and then it's like two weeks before you've introduced us, Like, just do it fast and move on. Well, okay, so this is so, this is the issue, right, is that like I do not have inbox zero, I am can never get to inbox zero. By the way, Amy, I'm sorry one of the reasons for friends because you've never mentioned in box zero. People who mentioned their inboxes are

people that I would like to stay away from me. Okay, well, I have an issue with my inbox. This is why we don't talk about it. Like, as you know, there's no way I respond to every email, and then I feel like an asshole if someone sends an introduction and I don't see it, you know, and and that person I'm not responding to might not know that I'm just not seeing the email, or that I'm buried or you know,

and so. And the other thing is I think I probably feel this way because the biggest area of my life where I get asked for connections is two vcs. In vcs always want double opt in intos. So if you're not in the startup world, the VC as the venture capital investor, and the startup world is small, and I am always happy to try to connect people, but some investors are pretty pesky about wanting the double optum.

I guess also right now I'm very anti VC. They fund so few women and I just feel so like bitter about it and a little bit burned by vcs and kind of sorry I ever really took that route. So I just I don't want to based on any of our behavior on how vcs behave, because I think vcs are patterned on a certain class of men who

aren't open source. Like I always think it's so funny when you see a venture capitalist on LinkedIn and they say they care so much about diversity and getting pitches from everyone, and then you go to their LinkedIn and try to connect with them and it says you need their email address to connect with them, but I'm really interested in everyone's pitches. Like that, to me is the epitome of bad VC behavior. Anyway, let's go to take because it's a much more pleasant topic. I agree with you.

Take is far more pleasant than talking about investors. And by the way, oh my god, Amy, how she talks about parenting is the funniest thing. It is amazing. I mean, she is like a big kid at heart raising kids, and it's like delightful. Well she just has that you're like, hilariously like kind of third person perspective on all of it, and it seems like being her partner would be super

fund like I'm infringing on her partnership or anything. It's a really weird namous I'm not like auditioning for the role. She seems really happily married and I'm super happy for her. Thanks for listening to What's Her Story with Sam and Amy. We would appreciate it if you leave her view wherever you get your podcasts, and of course, connect with us

on social media at What's Her Story podcast. What's Her Story with Sam and Amy is powered by my company, The Riveter at The Riveter dot c O and Sam's company, park Place Payments at park place Payments dot com. Thanks to our producer Stacy ra and our male perspective blue Burns h