Toxic — Libby Caswell E4

Originals.

This is an iHeart original. This story might be hard to hear. There's detailed talk of suicide and violence, but we think it's important not to gloss over the reality of what happened to Libby Caswell. Please take care while listening. I've read a few autopsy reports over the years, and it's always a peculiar, disconcerting experience. They're written in dispassionate clinical language and yet are oddly intimate. For example, in Libby's nine page report, we learned that her right lung

You know, she was found with a toxing amount of math in her system, and so I struggled with that when I got that report.

Meth didn't literally kill Libby, but as I discovered reporting the story, it was a big part of her undoing as a fun through wine.

Sod is She.

From iHeart Podcasts. I'm Melissa Jelson, and this is what happened to Libby Caswell.

When I walked past, I saw him roll her to the side and just punch your really hard in the thigh. I was like, kind of like what I did?

He just hit her, but just the rest a little bit.

Did something bad happened that thanks kind of out of control?

No, sir, positive that promise.

He would laugh and say that you're never going to catch me. I am too smart for them, And yeah, he'd just run off.

You know, I couldn't be there could be a thousand.

Maybe I should, but that didn't. What happened.

A chapter four talk.

I knew you know a lot about marijuana growing up, but I'd never heard about meth amphetamine because we didn't know anything about that kind of stuff.

Cindy Libby's mom isn't what I would call a partier. She rarely drinks, doesn't smoke cigarettes, and would rather watch TV than stay out late. She told me that recently she began using legal marijuana edibles to help with the dread and anxiety that surfaces when she tries to sleep at night. But although Cindy didn't have any personal experience with meth a highly addictive drug that can be made

And it's bad.

We've got a major epidemic.

For the next decade or so, meth continued to dominate local headlines and shape the workings of the police.

Every night, Independence police make at least three arrests related to methews.

They wont ipd solicited help from the community, and positioned itself as the best solution to the problem.

To stop the.

Cycle, Independence police are asking residents and business owners to call police about suspicious drug activity.

And while the labs were mostly busted by the time Libby and Devon were in high school, the town was still sometimes disparagingly referred to as meth dependents, and the drug it was still pretty easy to find. I don't know for sure what year Libby first tried meth, but by her friend's accounts, it took place in high school sometime after Zave was born, and it was her boyfriend Devin who introduced her to the drug.

He had started dabbling and drug like harder drugs than what any seventeen year old s could be doing.

Holly, Libby's high school friend.

It wasn't just the.

Weed that he was, you know, smoking, and I think that's whenever he had actually started doing meth, and then he got Libby on it. She said that, you know, he kind of peer pressured her into trying it because they were in front of you know, a bunch of head spreads.

I mean, I didn't think she knew about alcohol by the time she met him, and then she knew. She met him, she knew every drug, every pill, every drink everything.

Nathan was childhood friends with Libby and later became friends with Devin too. He told me they would all sometimes get high on meth together.

For Libby, I think it just made her more sociable. I think that we both always agreed that we liked the rush of it. Russia gave us. That's what I like, not that, And I like the fact that like whenever I did it, you know, I you know, could go in public, I could, I could basically accomplish anythings what it made me feel like.

As Nathan saw it, Libby used meth to boost her confidence and maybe also to fit into Devon's social circle. This new part of her life. She kept it secret from her family and even many of her close friends. Here's Holly again.

She didn't tell me about the first time.

I mean, she just kind of goes to me for a while.

I knew she was doing something, but she just wouldn't admit it to me at first. And she just finally broke down one day and she's like, I don't know what to do anymore.

And here's where I believe Libby's life split in two, the bright social side that she presented to her friends and family and the darker, drug consumed side that she kept hidden. But with a drug like meth, it's not so easy to conceal its effects from those who really know you, and her family soon began to suspect something was going on. Here's Natalie, her younger sister.

Her whole face would just completely change and she would be like just not herself. She was always like this really bubbly, happy, talkative person, and then when we would go see her, she was just like depressed and angry and irritable, and so it was like a completely different person. And that's how we started to recognize when she was on and off.

Cindy started to notice something was wrong when Libby, already lean rapidly lost a lot of wait.

I said, Libby, I'm so worried about you. You look like a skeleton. You know, are you eating? What's happening?

And what was it like for you to see your daughter in that situation?

It was bad.

It was just devastating. I would leave here and cry.

Libby and Devon would use together on and off again from around the age of seventeen until Libby's death at twenty one. Their drug use pushed their relationship even more into the shadows, away from others. Probing eyes and Libby's friends tell me, the more Devin used drugs, the more violent he became.

She told me that when they would get in fights and it would be really bad. He would push her, hold her down and choke her, and.

He would do it in front of their kids.

When he was on drugs, he was really cool. That's how we quit. But then you know, he was doing drugs and he was one of those people that stayed up for like a week, and when you do that, you get crazy, you know. So he was always paranoid. He's always angry, violent. He really went off the rails that met. Like some people go off the rails, some people don't.

There's a lot of alarmist rhetoric around meth users that they're unhinged, psychotic, and deeply dangerous. Take this Fox News clip from the nineties and where meth goes death violence. I'm talking about a drug.

That induces violent behavior, that creates violence in people who never have been violent, wouldn't think of being violent.

This is still a common stereotype about people who use meth and other drugs too, that they are more likely to be violent, and specifically violent towards the people closest to them.

Not everyone who abuses substance is a domestic balance offender. I think the important thing to remembers it doesn't cause the abuse, but it definitely complicates abuse.

Mariann Metheni is the CEO of the Hope House, a domestic violence agency that covers the Kansas City area, including Independence. She has seen firsthand the complicated, interconnected relationship between drugs and domestic violence, how drugs can hypercharge abuse that.

Can take a situation into a more violent level much more quickly when someone is intoxicated.

And how drug use can isolate victims even further.

I think where it gets difficult and it's really hard for people to understand is that it is an unpallenge for the victim and to also be someone who uses substances. It can be a way to deal with what's going on and trying to escape for just a little while, like my world is falling apart, it's easier for me to use. The other piece is that it's often used

Mathemei has observed how abusers often blame drugs and alcohol for their own bad behavior. I'm not abusive, I was just high. Victims may desperately want to believe this narrative too.

Because it's easier in your mind to rationalize this atrocity of behaviors that's happening to you, because otherwise you have to look at this person and say, but you really don't care about me if you're going to abuse me, Because the reality is a person would have been doing those things to you even if they were sober, because we know that substances don't cause it.

I don't want to give the impression that drug used defined Libby's life. She quit using on a number of occasions and had long prosperous spells where she was clean and sober. These periods, they tended to coincide with times when she broke.

Up with Devon, and that's whenever Libby was really her best is when Devin wasn't around. She could see her full potential, but.

Inevitably he would re enter the picture. Libby's friends Autumna Mariah explained to me what that cycle looks like.

Libby was almost like a dog on a leash, like she could only get so far from Devon before here comes Devon or here comes Devin's call.

He would come back when he was sober.

He would convince everybody. He's gonna do the right thing, you know, and treat her right, and treat Zab right.

He would love bomb her and give her everything, tell her whatever she wanted, and all she wanted was to be a family with the father of her child, and he would promise her that.

That's pretty much how Libby always got looped back into the cycle, as how he claimed he'd be a good dad this time around. You know, Zab needs a dad. Blah blah blah blah blah, the whole good dad game.

Sometimes they would be good for months. He wouldn't hurt her, they wouldn't use drugs, they would be clean and happy and healthy. And then the newness and him trying starts.

To wear off, and he would get mean again, and then he would go out and use drugs, and then she would end up using as well, because I mean, her partner's out there doing everything and being abusive to her.

And how many times you estimate that this happened while you knew her.

In the couple of years, probably like three or four.

I know she always felt like when.

She had nothing less like that's what she had was him and drugs, and she would just keep keep going back until she got her feet under her again, and she'd kick him and kick the drugs and be happy and healthy and sober by herself.

Here, Menny, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday year.

Save.

Half birthday to you.

Flow your candles, load a candle fire.

Yeah.

Do you want a piece of the Batman cake.

Cake?

Yeah?

Okay, okay, I'm gonna give you some hand on.

It's the beginning of May twenty seventeen. Zave is turning four. Libby bake's in a chocolate cake decorated with a blue and gold Batman symbol. It looks professional Cindy would be proud. In the video, Libby appears happy and carefree, a mom trying to make her son's birthday special, but really she's

She was always out going, you know, and happy that she also was a little stressed because she was trying to do everything on her own.

With Devon out of the picture, Libby began to re establish relationships with people should cut off, especially her mom Cindy.

We would make dinners and we had one of those speakers that hipped up to the bluetooth and we'd take her and spicking out songs.

You know, and playing music. That summer, Libby kept herself busy between visits with family, looking after Zaev, and a new job at the mall food court, where she got to work beside her friend Mariah.

Oh was there recording yep.

This is a clip of them walking from the park working a lot to the mall entrance, already dressed in their uniforms for the day. The person making that whoo sound that's Libby in this video. She's laughing, mugging for the camera, a pretty normal twenty one year old on her way to a summer job. She worked right next door to me.

We would take our breaks in the hallway together.

We would talk all day during work.

I mean, our managers hated that we worked right next to each other. We were constantly talking, constantly causing chaos together. We would hang out outside of work almost every day, if not every weekend.

Mariah's strongest memory of Libby this summer. The last summer of Libby's life, was the day she showed up at the mall to return the engagement ring Devin had given her that past Christmas.

I'll never forget. She called me in a super good mood, saying that she's on the way up to the mall, but it was her day off and she wanted me to come out and walk inside with her. She was just being She came up to the mall to a exchange and get her money back for the ring that Devin had bought her, and she said she.

Was going to be moving on. She told me like she was done, done going back and forth.

She's finally going to do what she needed to do for her and she was finally turning a page.

Many people do successfully get out of abusive relationships. I've met a lot of them, heard their stories. Rarely does it happen on the first try, or even the second or the third. In my opinion, the cycle that Libby went through clean and single, using and back with Devon, that was her process of trying to leave. Because leaving is a process. It takes time and resources and support and a hell of a lot of courage. And that summer of twenty seventeen seemed like a turning point for Libby.

As soon as Devin came back into the picture. She lost her car, her apartment, her job, everything, you know. The only thing she was still hanging on to was her sobriety.

Devin is released from jail in mid July. Almost immediately, he tries to get back into Libby's life, calling and coming by her apartment. Libby resists, stays vigilant. She never knew when Devin was watching.

I can't tell you a single time at night that she'd ever have her blinds up, and she always was looking over her shoulder always.

When Devin fails to get Libby's attention, he posts on Facebook about how she was stopping him from being the good dad he yearned to be. Quote, Daddy has a big boy and it's killing him not to be able to see him. Libby, please just be grown about all this. Please, It's not his fault that we can't seem to stay in cahoots with one another. To all the mothers out there, let your child be in the father's life. His next post turns angry. I'm about to snap like a slim gem.

She didn't tell me a lot of stuff because she knew I would be mad if she was talking to I think she was ashamed of it, you know, like after everything he had done to her.

The close bonds that Cindy and Libby rebuilt that summer disappears pretty quickly.

I started not being able to really talk to her, Like I noticed less contact with me, only like about Xavier. And when we had to have contact, I was calling her and texting her where are you?

You know.

I need to talk to you.

Cindy had been here before. She knew what it meant when Libby went silent. It meant Devon was back in Libby's life, and probably meth was too. Cindy knew Libby was back with Devon and using, and she felt powerless, unable to help this situation. It might sound familiar if you have a family member who struggles with substance abuse.

I felt horrible at first.

I was just really down about that. But I was also conflicted because I thought, this is exactly what needs to happen. She needs to have this accountability and make it serious, like you're gonna lose your child over this guy.

You know.

The repercussions are swift and severe. Almost immediately, Xavier is placed into temporary custody with Cindy. Libya is assigned a case manager, and the state lays out of plan. If she wants to regain custody of her son, she has to prove she's a respectible mother, and a big part of that is getting clean. She's required to do random drug tests, to participate in meetings with a social worker,

We work with at risk families whose children have been removed and placed in alternative care. We're kind of the eyes and the ears for the caseworkers because they never see the children and their parents interact together.

Calling observed Libby as she interacted with Zev, usually at Cindy's house.

She hated it.

At first, she hated Colleen. She's like, when I got to meet that lady, she gets on my nerves. And then she ended up loving calling yeah, because she you know, you don't want to be made to do things that you don't want to do, but she saw the good in it.

Eventually, he took the state requirements seriously, abiding by the many rules and random drug tests intended to keep her accountable, and as far as both Cindy and Colleen saw, Libby was committed to getting her son back as soon as she could.

Libby loved her son. You could tell that by their interaction. You know, just close connected, lots of hugs, kisses, and you know, just to fun times, laughing and you know, just doing whatever he wanted to do. So she was super sweet and seemed vulnerable, you know, like she needed strong support. She was just somebody that I really wanted to help.

The truth is that Libby did need help. I want to pause here for a second to consider the formidable challenges that she was facing at this moment. Libby was trying to quit methamphetamine, a drug that is notoriously difficult to kick. She was navigating a long term abusive relationship that, by her account, had grown more dangerous, and then she lost custody of her son, the person who brought her the most joy. This was undoubtedly a low point in

So she talked about telling herself to day, Yes, sir.

Is it possible that Libby was suicidal, as Devin claimed the night her body was found?

Why just because of our situations with real boss, cousin and our friend.

There are a number of factors in Libby's life that studies have linked with increased suicidal behavior, like drug abuse, which impacts brain chemistry and can result in the loss of self control, and experiencing domestic violence, which can be traumatic. One report by the CDC found that in twenty five percent of female suicides, intimate partner problems are a contributing factor.

One of the things that we see frequently in young people, whether we're talking about trauma or substance misuse or behavior disorders, is they only know what they know today. They don't have the ability to do a lot of forward thinking.

They also have not had the opportunities to experience a positive failure or so learning from their mistakes or learning from their failures, or having a better understanding that things can improve, things are going to get better.

This is just a moment. It's not the rest of my life. McCulloch says, when it comes to suicideal factors, it's never any one thing.

It's a layering on a loss of identity, a feeling of disconnection, of feeling that you may be burdened on other people, that your behaviors or your activities are pulling other people down. You're responsible for that, losing a sense of purpose in life. There's no purpose for me to keep continuing forward. Things are never going to change. I'm stuck.

And then also that thought of is just hopeless.

It's hopeless, there's no hope. So that really critical lethal intersection is between hopelessness, burdensomeness, and a sense of having no purpose.

When I described all that Livy was facing at this point in her life, McCulloch recognized another risk factor.

Anytime there's a loss, and what you just described were multiple losses. Right she awes her child, she's feeling like she's lost herself. She's not able to control her substance use, so she gets lost in that loss is a common

We know that Libby tried to hide a lot of things about her life that she was capable of putting on a happy face.

On the outside. People could have seen her life and said, she's maybe a little messed up, but she's got some good things going on, and she's looking towards the future. She's got some pleas and she's trying to pull it together to get her son back without really recognizing the energy and the distress that she's going through to try to keep herself moving forward.

Of course, McCulloch never worked directly with Libby, and these risk factors she's pointing out, they don't automatically mean Libby with suicidal. They just mean she was at risk. And the thing is, Libby did have experts in her life around the time of her death, experts who were observing her mental health and who didn't notice any overt signs of suicidal behavior. One of them was her parent, aid Colleen, do you believe that she was suicidal had she ever made any suicide?

I just I.

Can't perceive her doing that, just because she loved her son so much that I just don't believe she would be capable of doing that knowing that she would never get to see her son again and then her son would grow up without a mom.

So I don't believe so. If anything, Colleen saw Libby's fight to get her son back as a catalyst that propelled her into action. Despite the challenges of state intervention, Libby was eager to do everything she could to prove herself a capable parent.

We had several I was working with her to get these services set up for her son, also ged classes and completion of those classes, and then we had started applying for public housing.

Colin wasn't the only professional observing and monitoring Libby during this time. I also talked to a social worker involved in Libby's case who agreed to be interviewed anonymously. I asked her directly if she saw any signs of suicidal behavior in Libby. She said no. I've spent a lot of time asking Libby's friends and family about how she seemed in the few months before her death. And to be very clear, there's no one way a person acts

She started jumping through all the hoops. She was like, I am I know what I need to do now, you know.

She acts like she was just ready to move on.

Like the last messages that I have with her, that she had sent me with her asking if she could possibly come and move in with me and her come work with me where I was working acause I was making a lot of money.

All she wanted to do was clean up and get away from him, stay clean, keep her rights with her son. I watched her progress and try to get better there at the end for really, and I thought she was on a good road to it personally.

On the next episode of What Happened to Libby Caswell, we zero in on the last week of Libby's life.

I was like, why don't you just come home? We could tell him you're not here. She just kept saying, like, no, I can't do that. You don't understand what would happen if I stay here? He would know I'm here and it's not safe for you, and it's not.

Safe for Zave.

Let me dem Nathan, I don't. I don't think I feel safe with Devin anymore.

Like I don't, I don't know.

Some seamed off right now. What Happened To Libby Caswell is written, reported, and hosted by me Melissa Jelson, with writing and story editing by Marisa Brown and Lauren Hanson. Episodes are edited by Jeremy Thal and Carl Catle. Our executive producer is Ryan Murdoch. For iHeart Podcasts, executive producers are Jason English and Katrina Norvell. Our supervising producer Carl Catele. Fact checking by Maya Shukree. Archival material courtesy of KSHB