283 - Work from Home

Hi y'all, it is Jeffrey Craner, and I'm here to let you know that welcome to Night Vale is coming to Europe. Just for a little bit. May 27th. thirtieth, twenty twenty seven. will be in Edinburgh, Manchester, London, and Amsterdam in that order. So if you live over there, Sure tickets, they are on.

Sale. Now we're so excited to bring this newest live show, Murder Night in Blood Forest, to uh Europe, to the UK. Uh it's so much fun to get back there and to keep doing the show because it is such a fun show to do and to see. So Europe, we will see you at the end of May. Tickets are available at welcome to nightvale.comslash live. And if you like other Welcome to Nightvale things beyond just the podcast.

And live show. We also have the Night Vale tabletop role playing game. It's available in stores wherever you get your games. This RPG was Created by Renegade Games with collaboration with me and Joseph and Bree, the writers of Nightvale. It's quirky, it's spooky, it's fun, you know, just like this show. So if you ever wanted to be a character in Nightvale and do freaky adventures there, then get on this. You can get the Nightvale Tabletop RPG wherever.

Okay, let's get on to the episode and hey, thanks. You can't undo what has been done, but you can pretend it didn't happen. Welcome to Night Vale.

There's a sandstorm in Nightvale today, which has made the roads really dangerous. The sanitation department is out there now pouring ice and sleet everywhere to try to prevent the sand from building up. We're expecting four to six inches of sand, along with wind gusts up to 25 miles per hour, so schools are closed, as are most workplaces. Though, there's still that dilapidated house near Larry Leroy out on the edge of town that still seems to be open despite the treacherous conditions.

It's not even really a house, so much as three and a half walls, barely supporting each other, and no roof. Still, there are lights on in the windows and people there. The people at the dilapidated house walk inside, and then different people walk out minutes later. I think it's an art gallery or an escape room or something. Anyway, that place is still open, but everywhere else in town is closed because of the sandstorm.

The roads are not safe, Nightvale. What with the high winds and the thick sand covering the streets? And all our doppelgangers plodding through the dusty haze with murder flickering like bonfires in their eyes. My husband Carlos, who is the bravest scientist who ever lived, closed his labs today. Even I, the most intrepid radio journalist alive, am having to do my show from home.

though I did ask my producer, Elise, to go up to the station so that she could patch my ISDN line through to the radio tower. Thanks, Elise. Well We'll discuss a raise at your next performance review, Elise. But for now. I hope everyone, other than Elise and the people milling about the dilapidated house, are staying safe inside. conducting their work over Zoom or Slack or Hinge or whatever the big tech sites are these days.

Personally, I find a work from home day kind of nice because I get to see my family. Carlos, right now, is teaching our son Esteban about plants. They're growing an avocado plant from a seed on the windowsill. Carlos is explaining how plant life grows from seeds. In fact, how all life is a miracle of science, that each of us grows from tiny cells into a full person.

Esteban looks pretty incredulous. It's very cute when he's trying to understand something new. He frowns and furrows his brow, and you can see his eyes narrow. He's quite the determined little guy.

Well, I'm here to report the news, not describe how adorable my boy is. Let's have a look at the community calendar. Wednesday night is the winter recital at elegant Sally's kitchen supply store and dance studio, the downtown location. There will be performances by all of her classes, from the five-year-old creative movement kids, all the way up to the teenagers who are in advanced ballet.

They'll be performing pieces from master choreographers Martha Graham, Alvin Ailey, Jose Lamone, and Renata Bliss. The winning teams at Wednesday night's recital will be promoted to the professional Night Vale Ballet Theater. The losing teams will be relegated to Swank Gym's Choreography Warehouse and Kitchen Utensil Outlet, the one by the airport. Thursday afternoon is a career fair over at the Rec Center. Professionals from dozens of fields will be on hand.

Meet those seeking work or looking into new careers. There will be seminars on hot topics in business right now, like how to brace yourself for layoffs, and human resources are your besties. Girl, you can tell us anything. Of course, dozens of companies will have booths. Where candidates can talk to those representatives and even hand in a resume that will be carefully ignored, and then shredded and used as bedding for the CEO's guinea pig breeding tank.

The one he raises to feed his pet Boa constrictor. No jobs will be offered at the career fair. Friday night is karaoke night at the post office. George Dunham, Nightvale's postmaster, said he thought it was a waste to close the post office every day at four PM. So why not have a daytime business and a nighttime business at the same level? You see it all the time with those dance studios. They also don't have a karaoke machine. knows all the popular songs, like that famous one by Jason Isbull.

Use open course. So come on down to the post office this Friday night. Saturday afternoon, the Night Vale Cinemaplex will be showing Oscar-nominated short films. Of course, you'll see all the animated, live-action, and documentary shorts from Slate, but also some classics from yesteryear, like Bim Daub the Kleptomaniac Dragon from Finland. A groundbreaking dock called Beneath the Village Green, the left handed astrology cults of Midland Odessa,

And maybe my favorite live action short of all time, Beyond Here, Nothing. And maybe not even that. It's about two young people who sit out to prove the earth is flat by walking to its edge, but along the way they fall for each other, and it is through the power of love that they come to understand that the world is, in fact, round. that all things are round. Everything is a sphere. The Earth?

Marbles, love, waffles, cats, filet mignon, potato chips, they get married and have a baby, who is a perfect sphere, and they live alone in a house that looks like a volleyball, and raise chickens that also look like volleyballs. It's very romantic. Finally, this Sunday is the day that the prophecy mentioned. This is, according to a press release, sent to me by Harrison Kipp. And I can't tell if he's announcing it as adjunct archaeology professor at Nightvale Community.

College, or if it's got something to do with that religion of his. It sounds like the latter. Either way, he just says, but here, I'll I'll read you the whole thing and you can make up your own mind what he's getting at. This Sunday is the day our great prophecy has long predicted. Observe, Sunday, devotees and derelicts alike, for it shall be as has been foretold.

I mean, that could be anything, right? End of the world. An eclipse? A sale at the Toyota dealership. Come on, Harrison, help us out here. I don't know, maybe I should give his show, The Twilight Gospel Hour, a listen someday. But when you work in radio, it's like listening to the radio just feels like you're still at work? This has been the community calendar.

I'm getting an update from the sanitation department that the ice they've been pouring over the roads. doesn't actually melt the sand. They got it backwards, so there's a mudslide on Route eight hundred on the southbound slope to exit four. The wind is really picked up outside, so mudslide or not, Night Vale, I'd stay indoors for the next several hours. Also, as is usual for a sandstorm, I can see everyone's doubles out there on the hunt for flesh.

thin black shadows shambling through the dust clouds. In fact, I can see the faint outline of two men and a little boy standing just on the edge of our lawn, staring at our house, I cannot make out faces, but I think I already know what they look like. Speaking of doubles, I heard from Dana Cardinal, our former mayor and current amateur detective.

She's found some new details into the murders of the angel, formerly known as Marcus Fanston, as well as the stabbing death of Jalen Rutherford at the radio station. as he was trying to apply for an internship. Dana said she looked up Rutherford's LinkedIn account, which I think is a a dating app,

Like I said, I don't know all these tech sites. But not only was Jalen a business student at Nightvale Community College, but his previous employment was part-time bookkeeping for Marcus Vanston, the angel. So, we have a connection between the two murder victims. Plus we know that days before his death, Marcus Vanston wrote up a will, which left everything in his estate, worth billions, to the Community College. Interesting discovery from Dana. It makes me wonder.

Was Jalen Rutherford in some kind of cahoots with Marcus Fansden that rubbed someone the wrong way? And what coots would make that someone want to kill twice? And how is Nightvale Community College involved? Surely they wouldn't want them dead unless they were trying to speed up that whole estate transfer thing. Oh yeah.

Maybe they killed Jalen to keep him quiet. They thought if he were to work at the radio station, he might blab to a trained journalist who would have broken this huge story and then won a Pulitzer. Ooh, a Pulitzer would have been really This is all conjecture though. We still don't know how an entire community college could get in and out of Vanston's locked library. Or how they could have killed him. What's that, Elise?

Oh that's just your double at the door. It's a it's a sandstorm. Elise, what did you expect? For her to bring you cookies? Of course she's threatening you with a shovel and howling. Elise, just lock the door. No, definitely don't let her in. She'll disappear when the sandstorm lets up.

More on the murder investigation soon, but let's go now to the children's fun fact science corner. Today, in the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner, we're discussing how life is created. I'm actually learning all this for the first time myself, as Carlos is trying to explain to our nine-year-old son that you can't grow an avocado plant in a day. Life is a slow process. It needs a seed, fertilization, water, sunlight, warmth, and nutrients.

Each day the tiny seed grows a bit more, changes imperceptibly. It sprouts roots and limbs, or in the case of a boy, it grows taller and stronger. You can't see the change, but it's happening. Millions of cells dividing every day. Science only seems like magic, but it's actually an observable miracle. Carlos is saying to Esteban, but Esteban is just shaking his head no. Maybe he needs a nap. He looks grumpy.

Esteban has picked up the avocado seed held half in the cup of water by toothpicks. He's pulling out the toothpicks and cradling the seed to his chest. He's whispering something to it. Now he's placing it on the floor and pressing it down into the carpet, It seems to be sinking as if the rug were soft unpacked loam. Esteban is turning his body east, lifting his hands high and uttering an incantation for the gods of nature.

A small vine is emerging from the floor. Uh i it's growing thick with leaves and bulbs. Oh, that's now a full-grown avocado plant. Esteban looks so proud of himself. really into this witchcraft thing. Carlos looks dejected. No, honey, I'm sure it's just a phase. He'll learn to love science just like I did. Awww, you're cute when you smile, you know? There you go. This has been the Children's Fun Fact Wizardry Corner. Sure. And now let's have a look at financial news. What's that, Elise?

You let her in the building? No, your double wants to kill you, Elise. Go get a knife from the break room and end her before she ends you. Нараши! Пахи! Ха! Oh goodness, that is quite the strange turn. Um, let's talk off-air while I give an update on the Carl Carlos? Carlos, what is happening out there?

Oh god. Okay, listeners, the avocado plant has grown to the ceiling and is rapidly twisting itself around the living room. I need to go save Carlos and find Esteban. Um, Elise, take them to the weather. Hi, this is Rob Benedict. And I am Richard Spate. We were both on a little show you might know called Supernatural.

It had a pretty good run. Fifteen seasons, three hundred and twenty-seven episodes. And though we have seen, of course, every episode many times, we figured, hey, now that we're wrapped. Let's watch it all again. And we can't do that alone. So we're inviting the cast and crew that made the show along for the ride. We've got writers, producers, composers, directors, and we'll of course have some actors on as well, including some certain guys that played some certain Pretty iconic brothers.

was kind of a little bit of a left field choice in the best way possible. The note from Kripke was, he's great, we love him, but we're looking for like a really intelligent DeCovny type. With 15 seasons to explore, it's going to be the road trip of several lifetimes. So please join us and subscribe to Supernatural Then and Now.

Okay. Oh, that was close. So, thankfully, I was recording this show from my study where I keep all my books, including Plantopedia, The Definitive Guide to Houseplants by Lauren Camillari and Sophia Kaplan. It's the Collector's Edition, which comes with a small electric chainsaw. I managed to cut Carlos free from the branches which had wrapped around his throat and chest. Then we found Esteban in the corner crying, because he knew he was in trouble for doing unapproved magic.

We explained to him, sternly, that people can get hurt if you're not careful. This is true for magic, for science, even for journalism. All of us have to be very careful with the choices we make. We cannot act solely out of anger or frustration or fear. Every action must have intention. Esteban wouldn't look at us. He knew all this. This is why he was crying. He was embarrassed and scared. Which made us feel terrible.

There is a constant, horrible balance as a parent between wanting to teach your child consequences, not raise them to be entitled, set them up to understand that their choices can hurt others. And on the other hand, your deep drive to protect them. Keep them from any harm, to save them from negative emotions. It is an impossible equation, and a parent is asked to solve it every day.

We sent him to his room and told him to take a nap. He's not in trouble, but we wanted to talk to him at dinner and before watching any videos. Carlos is cutting up what's left of the giant plant. It's going to take more than a day to clean all this up. But the avocados it grew are the size of affin pinchers, so I guess we'll have guacamole for the whole neighborhood.

Oh, and I talked to Elise, who said that the person outside the radio station was Jalen Rutherford's double. He was waving a shovel because he was planning to kill his double, but was actually kind of relieved to find that his double was already dead, murdered months ago by a still unknown assailant. Elise asked Jalen's Double where he comes from and where he goes when the sandstorm ends. He says he doesn't know the answer to either. He just is. And then he is not.

But while he is here, he simply knows he is his other self, and that he must find that other to destroy, and hopefully replace them. Elise said, Well Your resume is pretty good, Jalen. If you have the same skills as your double, would you still like to intern here? Assuming you don't disappear when the sandstorm dies down, she added. And Jalen said yes. He would love to intern for the radio station. It's his dream to replace his double.

The two of them had tea. They made small talk and watched the dust clouds swirl past the windows, down the streets and out into the sand wastes. As the blue of the sky lazily but fully emerged, Jalen's double touched his own hands, then his own chest. Then his own face and his He finally reached out to Elise and she took his palm in hers. A firm, reassuring handshake. An agreement. That he still exists. That he had a job. That he had a body. That he was Jalen Rutherford.

So, I guess we have an intern now. I'm excited to meet him. Last time I saw Jalen, he was face down in his own blood in our lobby, so it'll be weird to see him all normal like.

I bet Dana will be excited to hear about this. She killed her double, way back when she was my intern. She and Jalen will have so many fun stories to share. Oh, and I should note, the sandstorm has passed. So has the workday. Stay on that Zoom call if you want, but now it's a fun Zoom call. Maybe you want to finish managing your digital infrastructure business solutions in

Letterboxed? Again, who can keep up with all these apps? All I'm saying is, you're welcome to keep working if you think you have to. But I'd urge you to get outside, sweep your lawn, steal the last bit of sunshine. and then make dinner with your husband, with your son. Maybe a dessert. Maybe play a game. Maybe you can still catch the latest episode of Antler Cove after the kid goes to bed. Remember that work can visit your home, but it's not welcome to stay the night.

Stay tuned next for the sound of a tired scientist digging through the cabinets for that danged mulcahete we got as a wedding present, but if never actually used. As always, good night, Night Vale. Good night. Welcome to Night Vale is a production of Night Vale Presents. It is written by Joseph Fink, Jeffrey Craner, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by The voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin. Original music by Disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net.

This episode's weather was The Emerald and the Mine by Bishop Decker. Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, Email us at infowelcometonightvale.com or follow us on Blue Sky at Nightvale Radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Nightvale Official. Or just go to sleep.

Do you have any idea how late it is? You'll feel better if you get more sleep. But mainly, check out welcome to nightvail.com, where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date Directly from us to you. Just the real humans over here, sending you real humans out there, some news. No billionaires involved. Today's problem. Money doesn't grow on trees? Not with that attitude it won't.

Hi, we're Meg Bashwiner of Welcome to Night Vale. And on our new show, The Best Worst, we expect Explore the golden age of television. To do that, we're watching the IMDB viewer-rated best and worst episodes of classic TV shows. The episode of Star Trek, where Beverly Crusher has sex with a ghost.

The episode of the X-Files, where Scully gets attacked by a vicious house cat. And also the really good episodes too. What can we learn from the best and worst of great television? Like for example, is it really a bad episode or do people just hate women? The best worst Available wherever you get your podcasts.