- The person talking isn't learning anything. Listen to this episode. See where I'm going?
Hi, it's Alan Berg. Welcome to another episode of the Wedding Business Solutions Podcast. It's kind of funny for me to say this but the person talking isn't learning anything. Right now when I'm speaking to you, I'm not learning anything. I'm saying things that I already know. I might, if I'm lucky phrase something a little different and and come up with a different way of talking about it or spinning it, if you will. But the underlying facts are things that I already know.
And that's the same with you whenever you're communicating with a customer, whether it's in email, in text, in WhatsApp, in messaging services, whether it's on the phone, whether it's in person. The person talking isn't learning anything. I speak about this every time I do sales training whether it's on site or whether it's remote. I talk, I say when you're having a meeting with a client, right? Whether it's a corporate client whether it's a fundraising client, whether it's a wedding a mitzvah, quince, a social event, whatever.
Whenever you're having communication with someone, if you are talking, you're not learning anything about what they want, what they need, how they're going to feel about it, what the results are that they're looking for, you're not learning any of that. And if you're making assumptions, you're definitely getting wrong information because you don't know if that's what they really want or need. Therefore, you need to get the balance of conversation going so that they're talking to you. And that's by, as you've heard me say many times as my books, you know, shut up and sell more is about asking better questions.
Stop selling and help them buy is about asking better questions. It's really about asking questions. I forget the Japanese word, but there's a phrase that the Toyota and a lot of these companies use which refers to asking why five times. So somebody says that they want something or they want you to do something and you ask, well, you know, why is that important? Or why does that matter? And then they tell you and say, well, why does that matter? Or what will that change? And asking the question, asking the question.
There was a book, I'm pretty sure it was a book that I read called The Question Behind the Question. And that's what you're looking for is getting deeper and deeper into why it matters to them, why those results matter why this is important, not just that it's important. And you're not going to do that by talking. You're going to do that by listening. I do a role playing when I'm doing in-person training and I say, let me explain how this works. And I'll walk up to someone and I say, let's role play that we're just meeting for the first time which very often we are. I say, hi, my name is Alan, what's your name? And they'll say, okay, my name is Chris. I say, oh, Chris, very nice to meet you. What do you do? And Chris says, you know, I do this. And you say, oh really? How'd you get into that? And then Chris tells me that's how they got into that. And I said, well, you know, what do you love about that? Right? Now when I ask, I do this, and I go back and forth about four or five times.
And then I'll ask the room, I'll say now, who's talking more? And some people will say, well, you are. And I say, well, no, no, no. Think about that. We're both talking, but who's talking more? I'm asking a question. And then Chris was answering. And then I will comment on what they said and then I'll ask another question and then I'll comment on their answer. And then I'll ask another question. I'm the one learning because I keep digging deeper and digging deeper. And by the way, if you do this at a networking event Chris is going to like me more because they're talking, not me. Now, then I'll do another role play. So let's do it this way. And I'll walk up and say, hi, my name is Alan. What's your name? And they say, my name is Chris. And I say, oh, Chris, nice to meet you. Do you know that I'm a speaker? Yeah, I've actually written seven books working on my eighth book right now. You know, I've spoken in 14 countries in three languages. And I just go on and on and on and on.
Now Chris is looking for a drink right now looking to get away from me, that's what Chris is looking for. And that's because I'm not being interested in them. I'm not being interested in what they care about what they want, what's important to them. Then at some point they might ask me, you know, so what do you do? And then I'll say, you know this but I might then ask them another question again because I'm learning when I'm asking. I'm not learning when I'm talking. So think about this in your communications.
Are you just dumping a whole lot of copy paste information on someone, which is just generic, the same thing you send to everyone instead of finding out what's important to them. I've spoken about this when I talked about packages and things where you can have as many packages as you want or as many a la carte items as you want. I would prefer you don't show any of them to the customer until you talk to them and find out what they want and need. I've spoken about this. I've used this example in conferences as well, where you go to a restaurant and I eat out a lot because I travel a lot. And so I'm in restaurants I've never been in a lot and may never be in again. I'll actually say that to the, to the server. You know, hi, nice to meet you. I'm never been here before. I may never be here again 'cause I'm not from around here.
So what do I need to know about the menu? And what I don't want them to say is, well, I like the... because they don't know what I like. And since they're not joining me for dinner, I would prefer that they said, well, do you like fish? Or do you like chicken? Or do you like steak? Or whatever it is. Or are you in the mood for fish? And if I say, oh, I love fish, they say, well, you know, my favorite is this particular dish and this is why. But what if they just start talking about, they say, and they often do this, I love the red snapper. And what if I'm allergic to fish? What if I don't like fish? What if I'm not in the mood for fish? They didn't find that out first before telling me what they like.
Now they might like that. That might be their favorite dish. And if they say, well, do you like fish? And they say, well, not really. They'll say, well, you know what? How about chicken or beef? What are you in the mood for? And if I say, oh, I'm in the mood for chicken, they say well, you know, this dish here is really, really good. It's very popular. That's okay. See they're finding out first. And then they're telling me about the features and details of it. And very often we find ourselves telling about the features and details before we find out if somebody even cares. And that's because the person talking isn't learning anything.
So questions give you permission to then talk about those things. If I'm doing an onsite sales training and somebody comes in for a tour at a venue when I'm touring around with them instead of saying, you know, our chefs can handle any kind of food allergy, any kind of food restriction vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, gluten-free, lactose-free. I mean, just going down the list, I'd say, oh, do you or any of your guests have any food allergies or food restrictions or special diets that we need to be aware of? And if the couple says, hmm, not that we can think of, I say, well, if you find out, let us know at least three weeks in advance. Our chefs can handle any of those things. We just had a ten second conversation. We didn't go into the details. I've seen people do that.
I've heard people do that. I had this one venue that I was a couple came in, we weren't expecting them. A couple came in for a tour and it was very rustic venue. And you have to walk down these kind of log steps to get from the parking area down to where the reception area is. Clearly not handicap accessible. And a couple came in and we're walking down these log steps and I said, do any of your guests have any mobility issues with wheelchairs or canes or walkers or anything like that? And they said, hmm, we don't think so. I said, well, if you find out that anybody does we have handicap parking, fully handicapped accessible and they will be able to join you right down there at the ceremony site at the reception site and enjoy the entire time. And that was the end of the conversation.
Normally what they would've done is taken them to the handicap parking taken them to show them the elevator taken them to show all that stuff. When in this case, they didn't need to know it. They just needed to know that it was there if they needed it. So think about all the times that you're telling instead of asking. And when you're telling, you're not learning anything. When you ask, that's when you find out what's important. Plus, the more things you fill their head with the less they can focus on the things that are important to them. And that's when you hear a lot, you've given us so much to think about we need to go home and process it. Yeah, you want to give them stuff to think about but the things that are important to them that they need to know to make the decision to choose you 'cause you're the right fit.
So remember this. Next conversation you're having whether you're writing, whether you're in person whether you're on Zoom, whether you're on the phone, if you're talking, you're not learning, how can you turn what you're about to say into a question that will give you then permission to talk about it if it's important, or skip it if it's not. And you just save yourself time and you might actually get to the close a lot faster. I hope that helps you. Thanks for listening.
I'm Alan Berg. Thanks for listening. If you have any questions about this or if you'd like to suggest other topics for "The Wedding Business Solutions Podcast" please let me know. My email is Alan@WeddingBusinessSolutions.com. Look forward to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.
Listen to this and all episodes on Apple Podcast, YouTube or your favorite app/site:
Apple Podcast: http://bit.ly/weddingbusinesssolutionsYouTube: www.WeddingBusinessSolutionsPodcast.tvSpotify: https://spoti.fi/3sGsuB8Stitcher: http://bit.ly/wbsstitcherGoogle Podcast: http://bit.ly/wbsgoogleiHeart Radio: https://ihr.fm/31C9MicPandora: http://bit.ly/wbspandora©2023 Wedding Business Solutions LLC & AlanBerg.com