Welcome to Fifth Word's We Need New Stories. Episode five, Munashe’s Story Keeping Notes written by Zodwa Nyoni and directed by Anastasia Osei-Kuffour. Note seven, 2:07 AM, in my bed. What is it about the quiet of late nights that awakens my deep thoughts, my mind? A Japanese puzzle box step by step, a memory is revealed. Lately, I am returning to three year old Munashe in my dreams. She is needing something. Missing someone. I cannot see the stranger's face clearly.
Note 16, 19 :15, at the bus stop. We are daughters of mothers who left us before we knew how to say I need you. We are daughters of mothers whose wombs adopted and gave birth to us again. We did not distance their love by calling them aunts. Mainini, small mother was the substitute for my mother who'd gone. Note 20, 21: 25 in the kitchen. She sends presents from Nottingham. I do not wear clothes that belong to me. I wear what my mother hopes I am.
How do I tell her that I am not the girl she imagines without being ungrateful? Munashe, 11 years old. Note 23, 01.33 AM the toilet. I shouldn't have turned on the lights. Cousins are, to me, what air is to lungs, life. I should call them more. Note 24, 01.39am AM under the covers. I cannot sleep now. I pray often. I kept asking God the same question, when? Visas denied. Seeing my mother, denied. Again, again, again, again. Note 25 1:50 AM still under the covers.
Why do brains think the most when it's time to sleep? Dreams deferred can become romanticized fantasies before they shivel up like a raisin in the sun. Note 26 02:17 AM between awake and dreaming
keep your plan silent. Many listening is a bad omen. I did not say goodbye to friends. I snuck out of my life with a passport suitcase and a broken phone, heading towards a long waited reunion Note 31 11 AM, lecture. Good morning, first years. Welcome to the most fascinating course you will ever do. Sociologists are most interested in the causes and consequences of social behavior such as crime or discrimination.
Sociology will provide you with an understanding of the impact of the socialization process on behavior, culture, roles, and identity. With a reference to gender, class, age, and ethnicity. She sits me down, explains woman to woman that she took refuge in this foreign country. I am not sure if I can do the same in her. How do we become mother to daughter again? Note 37, 17 :26, late night shift, care home. I am writing. Less and less thoughts are scattered. I am fractured.
Order number 53. Note 45. Order number 53.
09. McDonald's. Who am I in this world? No one looks like me. The black girl everywhere. The labor of pronouncing my name cannot be induced. It is breached into English. Who am I in this world? Sasha, they call me. Note 46, train station. Poetry is to me as glass is to reflection. Scene. Note 47, 13: 34. Platform two. Long Eaton. I hate changes. I buy my own clothes. Thrift the odd to fashion something new. Something that fits better than mass production. I am not a copy. I am a rare find.
Note 49, 14:01, between cities. Sometimes they creep up on me like a breeze on the back of my neck. Memories of back home. Here I am an only child. There, I am a big sister. Here, I am choices. There, I am limitations. Now, when I say home, where do I mean? All tickets and passes, please. All tickets and passes. Note 50, 14:37. Still moving between places. I am the age my mother was when she had me. At 23, I am raising complicated questions.
Note 51, 16:12, Piccadilly Line. Democracy is a cocked gun loaded with lies. The politician presses the barrel against my temple. He tells me my life is a sacrifice needed, Note 52, 16:39, Piccadilly Line. How do you inherit an African country? Hmm. Probably the same way you inherit a British monarchy, power divinely chosen by God or men pretending to be holy. Note 53, 18:55 Wagamama. My education was a city of colonial street names. Each turn had me lost. I had to find a way back home.
Following ancestral stars in the dark. Note 60, 4:30 AM, at home in my bedroom, on the floor, looking in the mirror. Look at me, of two, like ying and yang. Like cold and heat. Like winter and summer. Like quiet and loud. Like Zimbabwe and England. Here I am the stranger. No more. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please share with others. All episodes in this series are available on major listening platforms and on Fifth Word's website.
The next episode in this series is Rita's story. Dear Rita.