You’ve Been Warned!

These are this is your brain on drugs. I just got your children doing crimes. Um, I just got your children doing crimes. Uh. So he catches your kids. He doesn't help kids. Remember the nineties? It ah, but everyone everything seems so simple and you could just cut down on crime. Um, just say no, just don't be poor, don't you dare? Okay, So we're doing a little different this week because it's the morning time, so people are getting us. What a nightmare? Right eyed and bushy tail?

You're how would you were out late? You? I thought, up until this moment when we started recording, I thought you were surprisingly chipper for how late you were out last night. But right now you're really playing up the the malaise. I would call this a literal hangover. Wow, you would go there, you would go all the way there, would I would be so bold? Do you point out that I had mm hmm, I don't think I had.

I think I had three drinks, but I did not eat all day because it was a very busy day, the big annual Story Pirates party to welcome the new Pirates and put on a show. It is an insane amount of work and it's super fun. I let my hair down, um, as I do sort of once a year, and it's harder and harder the older you get. It really is. I was. I just was at this birthday party the day and one of the mom's there was like, I had one and a half drinks last night and

I feel horrible. Um, it's I don't it's like a parenthood and aging or something. I don't know. My body just doesn't like it. It's almost like it's it's almost like it's poison that we put into our bodies. Um, you know, you know, I'm gonna plug another great podcast stuff you should know. There's an episode about what a what a hangover is? Right, and it's just poisoning your body it's it's it's like fourteen things. One of them is alcohol. Alcohol goes into your stomach and then he

gets broken. He gets broken down into this Uh. This component is basically poison, and then your liver gives you another thing that neutralizes the poison. But when you have a certain amount alcohol, your liver runs out of that thing, and so there's just this poison going through your veins until your liver can make more while you're incredibly dehydrated. Go listen to that episode any one of the Best podcast. I'm sure most of our listeners have never experienced to

hangover before and are dying to know what we're talking about. Um, okay, so you were out. We um, let's get to her a week. I guess parenting. What has been happened? You went to a birthday party without me? I went to a birthday party. It was it was good. Our kids. Brain was a little crazy. He he saunters into any like child based location. Shin like the King of the Hill, Like he's like, don't worry, I'm here. He's like just bossing everyone, like he's so comfortable. He's never been to

this house before. He's like, it's all these little girls mostly, and then his one former friend from um daycare who hates him, uh, and Bran is like, so chipper and he's like, I'm going to get because they're doing there's this thing in our town and I don't know if it's like everywhere or just specifically our town, but um, there they hire these local women to paint faces and do these glitter tattoos where they like put a bunch of glue on a kid's arm and then sprinkled glitter

all over it. Um. And so they I've seen this now at like a couple of birthday parties, and so brand is like waiting in line and he's like talking about the tattoos and he'll just like say whatever. He's thinking like you and he's like, oh, you gotta get these tattoos, like he's like and then and then this kid who he used to go to daycare with, who's like slightly a bully to him, just kept being like

that's not interesting, that's not funny. Like he just was like shutting it down, and the woman doing the face paint was like laughing at him because it was just such a like like odd couple dynamic of like Britain just being like gregarious and being like just rolling with it and being insulted and being like, oh yeah, well you gotta get that, like and um Britain like any any what's the any news is good news. Any attention he's getting is good attention because he has the attention.

Well not any attention is not good attention according to but he also when so they sat down at the table to eat like pizza or whatever, and all the kids are sitting there in print is like, hey, why is six afraid of seven? It was like because seven eight nine, And then everyone's laughing and he's like it's like it's not eight like the number, it's eight like eating and he's like he's just like holding court like so proud of himself. And then I'm proud of that's

that is the most me thing in the world. Yeah, you were like, oh, does people need someone to talk right now? I'll tell you a story specifically to go here's a joke everyone last, and then goes, let me explain why you liked what I did. Right, You're like, here's the philosophy of comedy. Um, we're all just pattern recognition machines. So may then she she was like, really, enjoying. It was a very girly birthday party and Mayone is loving it. And then and then you know, they together

face painted. She had a unicorn face paint and sparkly tattoo. And then we get home, like it's like an hour or two later. I'm laying in bed with her and she goes, Mommy, I liked eating the cake. And I was like, oh good, did you also like getting your face painted and getting a glitter tattoo? And she goes, I liked eating the cake. It's like, that's my girl. That's my girl. She did love the face paint and everything, but like just in that moment, she's like, I'm talking

about the cake. She loved the cake. What you said it the first time? It was as if people expected her not to. I think she just wanted to make a mental note where she was like, hey, just so you know, like I love cake and if you want to keep it around the house, like that's ever an option. I'm in, Yeah. Um, well, we're going to a birthday party this coming weekend as well. And I asked Brinn

what his friend likes and he said lions. And I asked him again later and he said lions again, So I was I said, this feels right, So we bought them some lions. But part of me thinks this kid has no particular feelings about lions. It's very possible, but I think lions are a fine gift for anyone. It's lions, honestly, for whom are lions not a good way? So are those like toy lines laying on the counter the only thing that you got that kid? Yeah, because I thought

they were bigger, but they're fine. Well, my big thing, and I've probably already said this in the podcast, is just give people a few books. Doesn't take up a lot of space, it's not expensive, good good thought. There's a book for today. I could go. The families are welcome with that. Did you give him money? I did? Okay, Um, no, we're not involved parents. He can handle it. Oh we have parent teacher conferences tomorrow, Yeah, which you're going to.

I'm kind of dreading it, only because not that it's going to be bad, but like you know exactly what they're going to say, which is like Britain's smart, but he doesn't pay attention and is always like like not listening and try like trying to have fun with his friends. I'm I'm very upset that I can't be there. Yeah, well I have a good reason I have to. I now have many reasons. You're not necessarily upset that you

won't be I know. I think it's maybe better than one of us goes, well, I feel like last time, you like they were like saying that stuff, but then they're like, and he's really smart, or like he's really funny or whatever, and then you are you hear things like that and you're like, oh, yeah, let me tell you a tale of how great my son is. And then you start talking for so long and I'm like, they know him, like this is for them to give us feedback. Um. I love my children and myself. If

that's not clear, okay, um. And then big news we saw our baby nephew so cute. You met that, you met Sam and Race on the podcast The Baby, the the big secret announcement, the big secret announcement that they were pregnant several months ago. And now here we are. I have a baby and he's so cute and he's

a little tiny baby. He's early, um but healthy. Yeah, and Maven is a fand him she wanted to hold this baby for as long as we would let her, and she would just stare lovingly at him and smile, and she would like she was talking to Rasa about his toys and stuff and being like, I think this will be his favorite toy. Like she's like very ready, like in her mind he's like a full person that she's friends with. Well, she's been tucking in stuffed animals and baby dolls for years now and to have one

look at her. And then Brian on the other hand, we had him try to hold the baby for about two seconds, wherefore he just like basically started like pushing the baby off of him and mechanicked. He goes, yeah, all the baby, and we put him. We had these pillows set up and just put him on his lap on the couch and then he has two secondly looks up at me. He goes, okay, I'm done, and he rolls. The baby literally had to push towards his knees and off the who and he really panicked. You can feel

this live squirming thing on right. I mean when if you think about it, like the sensation of holding like a warm, heavy baby, like it's the limp body of a baby that makes it feel like nothing else. I mean, it's also the thing that made me. I picked up that baby. I was like, oh my god, tiny baby. And then well, I'm an adult, you go into like protective mode. I a weird thing happened to me, which is obviously the sense of memory. You just totally forget

this huge part of your life. There was that time where you were walking around with a tiny baby and I had to get up and I had to just leave the room so I could start pacing and like bobbing the baby up and down. And the thing that was the most emotional for me is, you know, bobbing up and down and you can sort of feel the weight of the baby bounce in your arms as they like I spent hours doing this, you know, in the middle of the night, and I was like, I just

want to do this for twenty minutes. I know that it's not my responsibility. The other funny thing is like, so when we go places, Maven is usually pretty shy at first, like she's not shyed towards kids so much or like little girls, but adults. And she walked in there and raised his mom, who was visiting from Bosnia

to help out with the baby. Just like sort of immediately like was talking to Maven, and like Maven is like sitting in her lap and she's like telling may Haven how beautiful she is or whatever, and like Mayven just was like eating it up right away. They connected that, they really connect. Well. I think part of it was like she's a mother of three girls, and she was just like, hello, beautiful girl, like it was just and has three grandsons and has three Yeah unfortunately, um boy,

that's yeah. Well. I we walked in and I realized I hadn't seen raised his mom since they got married in Sarajevo, and that was two months after Maven was born, born in a car, and she saw Maven at the wedding. Yeah, And so we walked into their apartment and I saw her see Maven, and just the look on her face I could see all that time in the shock in that life was like that tiny baby that danced at my daughter's wedding. Um yeah, it's crazy. Time flies when

you're having kids. Great family, great family, great family. It was a really fun wedding, I will say, like one of the most fun. Now we're just like way off topic, but um yeah, um, they don't do wedding speeches. Really there's some interesting mixes, mixing, mixing of cultural norms between the American and Bosnian family. Everyone was awesome and super positive, but we had a rehearsal dinner, which I guess really isn't a thing. But then we did speeches, which is

definitely not a thing. And boy, I'll tell you, I crush a rehearsal dinner speech. And you were sad that you couldn't. I did not connect with that audience who had no idea what you're saying. I have them, dude, I was saying. And we were an L shaped restaurant and I was my me and my brothers. You are like, really him tonight? Yeah, And I was like, well, my brother performing just bombed. I'm gonna pick it up. Nope,

I just bombed. And then my dad gets up there, he's the last one, and he goes, I have a few things to say, you know. My dad, very sort of stoic, distinct confident man, gets up and delivers a full speech in Bosnian, and the whole room suddenly perks up like like they're like, why the hell are these speeches happening? And you can see everyone paying attention and he brought the house down because felt Bosnian speech. Your

dad wrote a speech. Then he knew a guy, a Bosnian guy outside Chicago who he became friendly with, who helped coach him through learning this speech in Bosnian. Well, he didn't know this guy. He had to find somebody through his brother, but it was like through their community. Like it wasn't like he was two degrees of separation, but he like this, I helped him, and your dad like perfectly practiced a full Bosnian speech, not speaking the language at all. You would record the speech, send it

to the guy. The guy would give him notes to call him back. Um. And then my favorite part is like at the end of the speech, people are like crying, like they love the speech, it's beautiful. They can't believe this man took all this time to do this. And your mom is like like responding to everyone loving it, and she's like, well, I didn't understand the word he was saying. Classic your mom My mom My mom? Who

is the best? Is my favorite thing is that like she's so positive and she's so just like everyone's great and surprisingly unsentimental. Well she also just says whatever she's thinking. So it's like there's no malice in what she's saying. She's just like, hmm, well, uh, that's I am my mother's son. Um, that was a great wedding. This is a great baby as as a result, I'm I'm so excited to get to know this little person. And I think Mayven is really going to step into her power

as like protective older cousin. She's like, yes, guess what, I'm not the youngest anymore. He's going to like reading books and um, Bryn is won't Britton and the letter N Can we talk about that he put the letter? Yeah, he refuses to do end the correct way and it's not just a little kid thing where he's mixing up letters and doing them backwards, you know. And I maybe made a mistake by be like, oh hey, they're some these papers, these are great work from school. I pretty

much never correct them on their writing. Like Mayven is writing like full words like not like she needs helps spelling everything obviously, and she doesn't always know what a letter looks like, but you can explain it to her and she'll write it. And like it's really unpredictable with both of them when they're going to write the whole words backwards or when the letters are just going to be like strown around the page instead of in a

in a complete word. But yeah, like she'll start writing letters and it'll be like she'll write like right to left on the page and going downwards, like it's just like where where are these letters following her feelings? But I'm every time, I'm just like so impressed that she's writing letters, and I'm just like a great job. Has much better control of her hands and self. But the thing is like with Brin, he will take notes. He

likes corrections. Like you saw he just wrote the full alphabet on this board and you got two of the letters backwards, but not so long ago, there'll be more of them. And he just has dug in on the letter end because it's in his name. And so I brought it up like the wrong way once and he's just like, I know, I want to do it this way. You need to let it go. Let it happen at school when his peers bully him. Just let the bullies

take care of the parenting. Um. The last thing I want to talk about is so our kids are not super athletic, um, and they never really they don't have a lot of practice with just like throwing, you catching, because we don't give them that practice, right, but brand is suddenly into it. He wants to. We got this little like half to play football. It's easy to catch, and he's like, let's because he's at after school with these other boys and they're all just throwing balls around

all afternoon. It's true. So we found at sam Ury says out back there was these velcrow gloves, you know, velcro palette and then the velcro ball. Um, so it's easy catch. And so we started doing this and it was fun and Brent's throwing was not great and I'm trying to coach him, but him also just like just let him have fun. And then finally he just drops his thing and puts it back on the wrong hand and then suddenly he could throw. But just realized he's

a lefty. Yeah, you know, when he's little, we thought he was a lefty. And then he's sort of gravitated to his right hand and then he's back Suddenly he's just throwing with his left hand and he was great at it, and throwing his was awesome. Well, I mean these are the things that involved parents. No, Um, yeah, he's a lefty, and now it's time for everyone's favorite segment, Would you Knows? This is where we posit a parenting hypothetical or something just insane to the other to see

to ask a question Would you know? This one comes to us from a listener. UM. Her name is Raina, and she says, I'm Rana, mother of two year old c c in parentheses Cecilia, and pregnant with baby number two. I'm in the bathroom contouring a jawline, only one chin and some cheekbones right now, while Paw Patrol is babysitting my kid in the living room and he guesses on how pregnant I am. Yep, you guessed it. Eight months. I'm a little late to the pod, so I've been binging.

Uh sorry, I've been binging we knows parenting for weeks now, prepping for life with two kids and our future looks bright. Question mark, ha ha. I live in the coldest place on earth, Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. You'd love it, beth, I brought for listeners. Just know that I hate the cold so much. Um, She says, I brought my husband here four years ago after we lived in the US for nine years together. He's from Western New York and constantly

complains about the cold here. I'd tell him that these are the consequences of falling in love with a Canadian? Am I right? Uh? Any who? I woke up last night at two I am needing to peeper as per usual, and the thought of a hypothetical for Peter. Oh, and thought about hypothetical to Peter. So here goes Peter. You have an audition of a lifetime Tomorrow is a city.

The role is for an amazing part that would relocate the family to sunny l A. Beth is away on a girl's trip out of the country and can only be reached at certain times of the day. You seamlessly put the kids to bed and have a cocktail to relax before heading off to bed yourself. You're feeling good about the audition tomorrow and fall asleep unmedicated except for the booze. Of course, you wake up in the middle of the night to the most vivid dream you've ever had.

Ten year old Brian comes to you and warns you not to go to the audition tomorrow. No explanation as to why you shouldn't go or what would happen if you would go Beth, your spirit guide and sounding board is not answering your calls or messages to debrief you from this dream. You finally get back to sleep after the dream and wake up thinking did that dream really happen? Nah, it was just a dream. You're now getting the kids

ready for school slash daycare. Print is eating breakfast and chatting about about stuff five year olds to talk about. He says to you, dead in the eye, Daddy, I saw you in my dream last night. You've been warned. He snaps back to his adorable self and continues talking about random ship that five year olds to talk about. Is pepper pigs still a thing at age five? We don't know. We only have a two year old. What do you do? That's a great question. Um. I like

how this was littered with details of our lives. This person is paying closer to person is binging right now. This person is binging. What do you do? Peter? What do you do? Great? Would hitting all the buttons hitting? I'm trying to really put myself in this place and to really be honest about what I would do. Can I tell a quick story? Is like we I was having Um, like many people, I have some anxiety that

you know, especially happens in moments of stress. And like two weeks ago, we were doing like our Friday night family dinner thing where we got to eat sometimes, and

I had had a long day of working. It was one of those things where you're like working down to the wire and like trying to get something out the door over email, and like then you're just like you in a perfect world, you would like breathe and decompressed before you hang out with your kids, but I was just like rushing, and then I would just like still keyed up, and then we get to the dinner and our kids are being crazy and like touching all the

chopsticks on the table and everything, and like I was like just sort of like trying to manage it. And clearly my anxiety was very visible. And Brin turned to me at one point during dinner and he goes, Everything's going to be okay, and I was like, are you kidding me? Like what was like it felt honestly like a message from above, like someone was like I need

to tell it. Like it was like so weird, Mama, Everything's going to be Like he just turned me so serious in the middle of it, and like grant that I was telling him to like calm down and like sit still and like you know whatever he was doing. But like, as it was so bizarre, can we acknowledged I just want to acknowledge that there's a toddler next door screaming. And this is partly why we don't record

in the middle of the day. I have like sort of a weird like shaden freud about this toddler next door because he, like you know, for so much of our lives in this apartment, we've we had one or another toddler, and so like I have such vivid memories of like having to carry them up the stairs and

them crying, and now like we so are building. We live in a series of co op buildings all clustered together, which a lot of families and stuff, and there's like you know, bushes and like stuff, and you know there's you know, like like bushes. Well, yeah, and the kids run around, but like inevitably when you have the little kids, they run behind the bushes, like between the wall of

the building and the bushes, and they're hiding. And then it's like you're worried about them, like doing something dangerous and like, I see this kid all the time out the window, like in the bushes. His parents are like, come on like and I'm just like, wow, that really brings me back and I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. Yeah, this kid is a screaming kid. We met me, he's

just a toddler. No, you mean yeah. But I met the parents and the first time I met the dad, he with his son and he's like, hey, this is whomever. I remember his name, the kid. But he's like, I gotta warn you, this one's pretty loud. And I was like, I don't know. My two will give you a run for more for his money. But um, well, the thing is, if we were on their side of the wall, would

be like, those kids are pretty loud. Yeah. I didn't realize that when we had our elderly neighbor living there who we share the kitchen wall with, Like, I didn't realize how thin the wall was. And now when they have people over on like a Sunday and I'm in the kitchen, I'm like, oh, I can hear like full words that straight through. Also, our new neighbor over here we also moved in replaced an older woman, it's not very loud, but she had a party there the other

day and I was like, I can hear everything. Yeah, suddenly you're like, oh, you can hear exactly what we're watching on TV. Yeah, I realized. I was like, I know our TV is too loud. No one's complaining. The only complained about much more embarrassing things. Okay, so back to the question, Peter, what do you do? All right? So, if I'm being honest, mm hmm, I don't. I don't think it would stop me. And I think it would

be a combination of things. One, I know that when I'm locked in on something I'm excited about, I can have pretty intense attention blindness. Yeah, if I'm really excited about an audition and that that's what I'm focused on, and I can justify a way you're like the last person who's going to respond to a sign, Like, Yeah,

it's so funny. I was talking. I was telling my friend about signs I've I've recently become closer with this friend who, um, she and I both have dead brothers who died or like you know, roughly ten years ago, and like, so we'll talk a little bit about like signs and like like feeling their presence and stuff, and like since we started talking about it, she's like, I

feel like I see so many more signs whatever. But she was she was like, before I started talking to you about this, I was like, Steve Martin in, Uh, what is the movie? He's like, there's some Steve Martin movie where he's like looking up and he's like, just give me a sign and then like the wind comes and everything starts shaking and it's like clearly like this huge, like voice of God moment, and he goes I forget the line, but he's just like anything, can I get

a sign? And it's like that's you, that's You're c Martin. Um, well that might be true. Yeah, but I also say like when you're when you're like, now that we've been talking about signs, suddenly we see way more signs. Like yeah, because you're talking about signs right anyway, Alright, well this is not the debate. But you're right, give me an God forbid we focus on a positive thing in our lives, Peter.

I Also, I also wouldn't believe it because Brin does things like that where he's like, Mama, it's gonna be okay. He did say the other day something about like I think when we were at your brother's place where he was like talking about how he saw you do something when you were a kid, and he was like, that's when I was old Bryan. He was like, I was there, but that Bryant died and I was like the second, the second, the second he said that I could feel

you suddenly go tell me more. Yeah. Well then he just like completely yeah that it was not speaking nonsense, but um, yeah, I mean that's my general mode is that, like it's free association. Um, and when stuff like that happens, even if it's like that direct, you know, I'm not going to say I'm right, but uh, you know it's the Oh it's in your mind, so you notice it. You're literally a dream message and your own son speaking to you being like Daddy, don't do this, and you're like, Noah,

that's nothing. I wouldn't believe. I know, I'd still I'd be like, that's crazy, that's that's amazing. Anyway, See you guys, I gotta go to my audition. Ah boy, is that true? Well, scenario I get to move somewhere warm, I guess before California falls into the sea and yeah, then we all die in an earthquake. Was fire? Um boy, it's true, I think. And it's also like the the example. Um actually, she's kind of follow up email to this to clarify one point because I think that she goes and he said,

I saw you in my dream. You've been warned, Like if Brin said that, I mean, like that's something Brinton would say. But she's kind of follow up where she goes, lack of sleep, sheer, exhaustion and preigo brain are to blame. We'll go with that. This is an addendum. What I meant for Bread to say at the breakfast table was, Daddy, I saw you in your dream last night. You've been warned. Although now that I say that, I have the same reaction that your son literally knows what your dream was

last night, and you're like, no, it's nothing. He this statement doesn't say that he knows the details. He said, I saw you in your dream. What would it take for you He would have to describe the dream, He would have to go, Daddy, I was a ten year old in your dream, and I warned you not to go to that audition. Didn't you see Harry Potter when the what's it called, Uh, she has a vision, it's a flash, and then she's back to herself. That's how Britan is. He's like, oh, that's when I was old Briton.

He died. Now I'm going to talk about peanuts like He's like, he's not, like he's just getting these flashes, you know, like you can't you know, well that's that. Um, I don't agree. Uh, he's got Oh my god. So when we were at Raisis when he was talking to my brother Michael about about his thoughts. Oh yeah, oh my god, what did he say? He's like, oh, these are my thoughts. Well, we were asking him how he felt about the baby and he was like I don't know.

They were like how we're Michael's like, what are your feelings or your thoughts or something on the baby and he was like, uh, you know, my thoughts they just run away out of my head. They're gone. They're gone now they left, and it was like, your thoughts are gone. He goes, yeah, they're really sleepy. They pooped their pants. And then he goes on this whole thing about his thought. He goes, I don't remember because my thoughts they're gone. Uh,

And there's like, Maven, are your thoughts gone? And she's like no. And it was a perfect metaphor to how they and we process things, which is Maven and you retain the thoughts and feelings and Britain I just barf them out. They shipped themselves and then we happily walk away. Um. So I would remain skeptical and go to the audition because I'm selfish. You'll never change, You'll you'll lead your family to their demise, but you're focused on the prize.

I'll love them all the way there. This has been Would you know this next segment it's called Listeners Want to Know. It's where we share questions and comments from you guys. Oh boy, So if you've been listening recently, you might be aware that we're redoing our bathroom. Beth has been working very hard. She's in charge of the

design and she's doing essentially everything. The fun thing about renovation is you order things online h during mercury retrograde in this case, and you don't really know until they arrive what they're quite going to look like, or what the condition is going to be, or maybe whether they're going to arrive and huge enormous boxes on palettes that you they refuse to deliver up to your apartment, and you then have to go downstairs when your husband gets

homes to dismantle these enormous boxes and carry a vanity upstairs to your living room. You never know when that's going to happen. You don't. It's just it's so unpredictable. Um, But I want to say, we've had a few people reach out with advice and offer help. I want to give a big shout out to Matt who's written in before. People have been very helpful, a construction manager, and he volunteered to help us with this. He volunteered to like deal directly with our contract or for us, which is

very nice. Man. I want to say, we almost called you. We're we're in good shape, but we're doing okay. I really we really appreciate that. Like yesterday, I was trying to confirm something with our contractor over email. I'm going to keep derailing this email, but like I our contractor is like I don't think English is his first language. And he's a very nice guy and like very very like trying to be helpful. But he replied to an

email and there was like a TYPEO. So instead of him saying you need he I was like, what kind of valves do we need for the he I was like, I'm pretty sure we're responsible for buying these shut off valves for the sink and the toilet everything. And he's like, he said you three valves three eights and then there's like a jarbild numbers and so I managed to like like he then replied to that email someone he's like see seeing multiple people on the staff, so someone clearly

it was like your email wasn't clear. And then he's replied to email and he goes, you need three valves And then I was like, okay, he's saying we need three valves. That are those jarbil numbers at the top, And I googled it and I think I figured out, but I was like, I'm trying to learn how to be more direct and just like not being around the Bushwire replied to him with an image of the product I found and was like, is this what you're talking about?

Because I was like, what is happening here? Why can't there be like if I was running a company like this with like like clients, I would have like a PDF or something with every person and be like, here's the usual deal, here's the information, like do you know what I mean, like the basics because they say things to you like you need a shower body. And then I'm like, okay, but what is a shower body? What

did they constitute that mean? Right? Like? And then I'm like looking it up, but I find like the shower parts, but I'm like, there's clearly something missing here. So that's why I was like emailing about valves and I found the valve for the shower and it's like, I think I have what I need, but at the end of the day, I don't know. Well, I saw this full email exchange later and it it looked like there was some very prompt communication going on. Ultimately it was it

was fine. It's just I think it's like, coupled with the timeline of all this and that we're doing the renovation at Christmas, everything feels really urgent and I'm like, I need to order this stuff now and I don't really have time to figure out if I'm doing it right. Um. I like that. Whoever replied back, they reply back with another image from like a Google search and with an actual arrow on it, pointing to the thing. I was like, someone knows how to do markup. I don't think I

saw that email. Oh yeah, it was in reply to yours. They put a image with an arrow on it. Okay, anyway, get you the question. This is from Suzanne. Am I too late with reno advice a little bit, but we gonna read it because there's some thoughtful advice here. Hi, Beth and Peter. I'm a big fan of the podcast and even came to saw you in Brooklyn. Oh. I think about writing all the time, but I am a capital S a h M single, stay at home, stay

at home mom. Okay, great, I'm nursing. I was like some stay at home mom to an eighteen month old and cannot keep one thought in my head for long. Funny side note, I'm not only a stay at home mom, but my husband travels Monday through Thursday, not a U S. Senator, So I'm alone with my thought. We had a senator's wife on our hands, were finally almost that one. So I am alone with my toddler four days and three nights a week. I am basically living Beth's worst nightmare.

It is. Anyways, onto renovation advice between two houses. I have renovated five bathrooms, so hopefully you can benefit from my mistakes and I wins number one. There's what follows is a very neat list um which I respond positively to. Number one priority Number one is a good contractor. I cannot stress this enough. A good contractor contractor will be a collaborative, be collaborative, and have an eye for design

to suggest things you may not have thought of. A great contractor won't make any design decisions without you, and a bad contractor will never come back to finish the second code of paint or install the last base board he needed to go to home depot for whatever type you have. Don't make that final payment until the final base board is in place. Have we We've probably already paid this guy in full. No, we haven't paid him at all. I last email I had with him is

let me know how it deposit anyway. Pin Number two. Pinterest is a really really great place to find design inspiration. Just oh that finding the same products you see on the screen can take some serious investigation. I really only use it for inspiration and go from there. I feel like you use that a little bit. I didn't really have time to like completely like vision board the whole thing,

although I did. I guess I did photoshop a little vision board together when I was trying to decide on tiles, just a little vision I mean, you just want to throw some things together and bounce ideas off your friends. But I, um, you know you didn't bounce ideas off of I did. I asked you about the tile, and then that there was like tile, it was like out of stock or something, and then I ended up looking

at different times. I'm not complaining. I have a hundred percent faith in your design choices, but I okay, so yeah, I haven't. I didn't do a ton of interesting, but I did, like when I was searching, we need like there's so many like little details that become bizarrely frustrating, which is like we were tiling up to like four tie around the entire bathroom, and then that in our bathroom is so tiny, so that's really limiting our choices. So like a toilet paper holder needs to be made

out of white tile to match. You can't just like buy random ones and then are so we're doing like subway tiles. So there's like a certain look to that, and then if you look at white tile toilet paper holders, there's like a lot of them have this sort of like seventies like split level home feel, if that makes sense. And I like, this toilet role holder is a real split level ranch. It just feel it has like a feel to it that doesn't feel subway tilely to me.

And then I found one online like on Pinterest that was like, oh, that's exactly what I need. And then I go to the link and it was this company that like reconfigures. They take like molds from like nineteen twenties, like tile things, and they use the old molds and they remake the tile. But of course to buy that one, it was like a hundred and sixty dollars or something for this tiny piece of tile that you know costs

like five cents to me. So then I finally found a similar thing actually like randomly that looks like pretty similar for I don't know, like thirty bucks or something, and I was like so happy, and I had a similar thing happened with like I would get. I picked out faucet and shower head and like the same company, Cohler has like a whole matching thing of like um

hooks and towel rods and stuff. But of course, like for this tiny coat hook that's like literally like a tiny circle, the Cohler company charges like eighty bucks for it. And then I found a similar one for like, you know, eighteen dollars or something, So I was like, Okay, I just like I this one is cheap enough that I can order it and see how well it matches, and like then figure out if I want to buy the other matching hardware that they make, you know what I mean.

But like, it's just like this stuff is so expensive and you just don't know until it shows up if it's going to be right. Well, this next point speaks to that a little bit. Three. Also, some stuff I'm interest is really expensive and sometimes unrealistic, so you find ways to compromise. When the plaid tile floor I was dying for was going to be two thousand dollars, I had to acquiesce uh. And we are finding other ways to make me a preppy bathroom reminiscent of a golf clubhouse.

That sounds cute. We bought a former golf course. It's a long story. What we bought a former golf What does your husband's definitely a senator, a senator's wife. We had a wait, wait, okay, Susanne, you bought a former golf course or you bought a formal former golf clubhouse. I need to know because a golf course is a lot of way. We live in the land of golf courses, country clubs, in western golf course. You ever looked at Google Maps and where we live, it's like golf course.

Don't get me started on golf courses. That being said, since I didn't get my flooring, I splurge for a beautiful mirror that even my husband had to admit was worth the dollar side uh number four. I Kea is great for small designs and a lot of times their cabinets can be customized, so if you see a vanity you want from them, you can just buy the box

for the vanity and your contractor can make doors. Well it's too late for that, but I will say, like, where I am putting my money in the bathroom is like because it's so tiny, I am like obsessive about storage. So I did get like the biggest bathroom mirror, medicine cabinet I could find and fit into space. And then we have one of those little I don't know what you call these things in our building, our our apartments probably built in the nineteen sixty, nineteen sixty exactly right.

And then they have these weird like doors on the wall, like I think it's a hamper, I guess, but it doesn't really make sense of its metal door. It opens at the top, has a little uh lift up hatch like a hamper. Yeah, built in the wall, but then the bottom part you open like a diaper trash. Anyway, it's just like weird, and we keep toilet paper in it. And it was like one of those things where the contractor was like, well, I can They don't make these anymore.

You can't replace this, and I was like, yeah, I know, we don't know what it is. Yeah. I was like I know, I'm not asking for one of these weird, confusing things, and and he was like, so I can paint it or take it out, and I was like, well can we like you can we have storage here like some sort of thing, because again the bathroom is

so small I cannot over emphasize that. And he was like, oh, we could build in like custom shelving and do a little cabinet and I'm like, Yeah, that would make way more sense than this thing, which is a cabinet but looks bizarre. Um, so I am paying him to do that, and that's like a big splurge. Number five Wayfair, Wayfair, Wayfair. My contractor has been stocked shocked at the great stuff I've gotten from Wayfair, and at really good prices. I'm

talking stinks, toilets, fixtures, et cetera. We've gotten our shower systems from Amazon at our at our contractor's advice, he's finding these knockoffs on Amazon can be pretty close to stuff he sees at three times the price. I could go on and on, but I'll stop there. Seriously, you have any questions at all, happily answer anything. If Mike Toddler lets me touch my computer. Good luck with the reno. Best Tusanne. PS. My husband is a senator. Did you

say that I wish? Yes, this is a senator's way. Um okay. So here's what I have to say about Wayfair, though, is that a few months back they were in the news. People were boycotting them because Wayfair was supplying beds to the uh border camps where they're keeping all the children and separating children from their parents and everything, and so

people are trying to avoid Wayfair. I can't remember if they resolved it, but I feel like Wayfair did that thing where they like do an apology, but they don't change their policies are actually corrected in any way, so I don't I'm trying to avoid Wayfair, even though they have very cheap things. Um, most of the stuff I got, I was getting a lot of cheap stuff on build dot com, which has not arrived yet. I'm sure someone will probably write in and tell me like build dot

com is like owned by Wayfair. I have not researched this, but I also got our vanity from a website called Signature Hardware, which is like sort of much cheaper, you know, restoration hardware whatever, it's like, it's like a way cheaper, and that's why how much we hate restoration hardware. But anyway, Signature Hardware, you must now know, will deliver your items in enormous boxes on palettes that they refuse to deliver

inside your home. They only will leave it on the curb and make you figure it out and make all of your neighbors walk past two giant boxes, so you'll have to write a note on the box that says sorry, we'll take care of later. Yeah, I just felt I know, well, it was a whole saga because the guy showed up and he was already mad because he was like he this is literally what happens to him all day long.

He works for a shipping company that is hired by Signature Hardware, and the communication is very bad, so they're not really warning people what's about to happen. So all day long he's dealing with people who are mad at him, the delivery guy who didn't create this system. So I felt for him. But he's explaining this to me, and I'm just like, well, I don't know if I can take the shipment because now it's like four thirty pm. I have to go get the kids soon. You're trying

to give me huge paletts. I'm one woman. I can't

physically like. So then I'm like, Okay, let me see if I can go get like the porters who work in our building, and maybe I can pay them, but of course they have like no cash on me, and I'm trying to like I go into the like the break room of the porters, and I start telling them like what's happening and trying to and they all stared blankly at me and did like a masterful like gaze into the distance, where like they like very much pretended to not know what I was talking about and like

not really listening to me and just like sort of all trying to like shrug it off at once. And finally one of them was like, UM, I can go get you the uh hand truck or whatever and like and I'm like okay, like and he is going to help me, and then he's walking. He's like walking with me, and he's like, yeah, I can get it to you, but like I'm off in ten minutes, so like I'll just give it to you and you can bring it back. And I'm like, I'm still one woman. I can't do this.

And I have like all of these things, a hand cart, all these will not get anything up a flight of stairs, yeah, like two flights of stairs basically, So I'm like, oh my god. So then I have to go back to this delivery guy and I'm like I can't get any

help with this. I like I don't. I'm like I really just want to reject the delivery and like deal with it later I'm like, I don't know what to do with this, because if I sign off on this and I suddenly have all this stuff, that's and I was like looking at the sky, like is it gonna rain? He's going to leave this on the sidewalk, like what's happening? And I have to go get my kids. This is all like all of this this week has been so

mercury retrograde. So I like talking to the guy and he's and then a delivery guy was like nice and trying to work with me, even though he was still very annoyed at the system. And he's explaining it to me, and he's like this happens to me all day people like I'll meet people like you, like he's like, but he's like this one woman last week is like cussing me out and like calling the cops on me because of this, And I'm like, I feel for you, but I just like don't. I don't really know what to

do here right now, like what is happening? And so he's like, I've got an idea. He like wheels his like um whole thing that is able to carry palettes of wood, and he wheels it over in front of our front door, so that the entrance to our building is like flanked by two enormous boxes. And I'm just like, I guess I'll just feel it later. This whole thing before was they were just still in the truck. Yeah,

and he like, just like here, take it. Well, he was like, my job just to go put it on the sidewalk, which, as you know, is like still like a hundred yards from our front door. So in the end it compromises that he took it to the door. He took it to the door. He I understand where he's coming from, because he's like, I need to make this delivery. I need you to sign this piece of paper. I need to move on with my life. My day

is ending, and like like I feel for him. But I was just like, what is happening and so and it made no sense too, because again our bathroom is tiny. The vanity I ordered his twenty four inches, I was like, what why are these boxes so big? We bought two um smart cars. It was making me so nervous that I was like, like, they sent the wrong thing. I'm going to be stuck with it. This is like it turns out one of them was a giant empty box to prop up the mirror. Yeah, yeah, but it was

still just like such needless packaging. Um. Anyway, it was a nightmare. Well, but we figured it out. Suzanne, thank you so much for your advice. Why do you live on a golf horse? Who is your Senator husband? And this has been another episode of We Knows Parenting. If you'd like to write in to tell us who your senator husband is, um, or ask questions senat so would

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