The Penalty Box

but it's a sad place. We well, it's we haven't been our own home in over two weeks now, just because of travel and bathroom renovation, and that makes me feel insane, Like every once an hour I go to look for something that would be convenient to my life, life, my work, my health and hygiene, and that thing is not there, and then I just feel like I'm just

being driven slowly mad. And also our children we're not in school Britains and back in school until today, so he's just been floating around, just ruining all activity, just floating around. I mean, I'm so excited to get rid of them, But do you feel like they've grown up ten thousand years in the last few weeks. Yeah, they're like real kids. We say this every month on the podcast where like, oh my god, our kids are so huge, but now we really mean it. Um, yeah, they're just

like kids, like they had like a kid Christmas. We are we probably already talked about this, but they like hung out with their cousins and played with them, and we're out of our way and entertaining each other. We ignore them for hours. We didn't have to worry about anyone like falling down a flight of dairs. Every second. We send them down the stairs and say stay there playing the basement. Hey, go fall down the stairs. What do we care, You'll be fine. Oh, your dad had

a great quote over Christmas. By the way, so you're parents, I guess kind of all boomer parents are notoriously blase about safety and notorious. Yeah, it's like a stereotype of boomers just any older generation is like, we live through it, You'll be fine. A factory I fell down the factory that I am much more a boomer than you are. You're much more boomer in terms of safety. Well anyway,

it's it's like an attitude that I feels. I feel like part of it genuinely comes from a time when people had like seven kids and they were like well, we're gonna lose one or two like you like. Anyway, the quote is going to say is someone said something about like our nephew like falling down the stairs or something. I don't know they were he was going to the stairs alone and someone made some comment and your dad was like, well, if you're going to fall down the

stairs at any age, that's the age. And it's like, I guess true, but it's just like very harsh. He's all he's practically on the ground, being that short the fall is, you know. Yeah, and my dad is six four when he falls. You know, he's got a lifetime between tripping and hitting the ground. If anyone's gonna have a strong recovery, it's going to be a two year old. You all can fall down the stairs anyway. But um, it was a good holiday, and our kids we already

talked about this, but yeah, our kids are huge. So the big change for me is I now say to them, go get your jammies on, or in the morning, I go get dressed, and they do it. But they also sort of both like space even really spaces out. This morning we were early to dropping to dropping Maven off at daycare in Britain school. Because I get out, I goes, all, right, what do you want for breakfast? What's cereal? And they picked and I go get dressed and you can have it.

And I went out and I poured two bowls of cereal and I put them on the table and then I was like, I need to take your own shower. And then I turned around and there they were in their clothes. It's incredible what this takes. I'm like, this is supposed to take twenty five minutes of me wrestling you into the clothes. I do think that this week they're like kind of excited to be back in their routine, like they genuinely have started to actually in this school.

I loved going back to school after a break. They all have so much to talk about. That's how I feel like, I must be so funny to hear what they say to each other. Oh, I have so many

things to explain to people. Well, like it's like today when I'm so curious to hear how they say it out of context because today we we've talked to Bran about the rule of threes in comedy because he like, like, in comedy, if something happens three times it's funny, but sometimes Brat pushes it and he just repeats something ten thousand times, and we were like kind of trying to explain. He's like, always confused why he's not getting laughs, and

it's like, because it's gonna laugh one second ago. So then he got onto this thing about the rule of a hundreds and that's when things are not funny anymore. Well, so what he said, I don't think you're there. He goes, he's told this joke over and over and we all stopped laughing and he noticed. So he's like, that's the rule of threes, right, daddy. After three, it's not funny anymore. That's why you're not laughing. And I was in my mind,

I'm like, yes, that's very intuitive. Yes, he goes, that's the rule in Winnetka, the rule of three, which is where we are, we're for vacation. And then he goes, but here where we live, now that it's the rule of a hundred. Well, but this was secondary too in original conversation that I was trying to explain, which is that he's he learned about the rule of threes and how things feel less funny. So he yeah, he the rule of threes is actually a comedy rule and the

rule and there are improv teachers. I think Billy Murritt used to say the rule of seven was that it would stop being funny after three, and then when he got back around to twenty seven, it would start getting funny again, which is pretty much the rule that Brian has now come up with, exactly that. The rule of three is after two everyone sees a pattern, and three confirms it. So at three everyone's like, got it, I got it, and then four it's like no, no, no no,

I already got it. But then is the well can't just repeated over and over. Sorry, I'm trying to get to is that the brand has this rule. And then he was trying to explain it to Nick in a

video today that we're going to send to Nick. But then Nick, an adult man, my comedy partner who understands comedy rules and so brands starts telling the story and just like starts the story in the strangest place, and it's like the rule the rule of one hundreds in our town is the It's just like he said, the rule of one hundred in our town is that you can tell any joke a thousand times. Yeah, it just didn't anyway. So that's sort of what my point was.

I'm picturing him back at school, and he's like, I played in the puppet theater and I flew an airplane. Yeah, I flew in an airplane. I piloted an airplane. Um, I taught the world about how ears were because he's been saying some really weird lies lately. You've been watching a lot of storybots. So he learned how a lot of things work and only sort of gets it, and he loves to explain, and then he loves to change the story in the strangest way. Don't correct him. I'm

teaching mayven days of the week this week. I realized that may even does not know the days of the week, which brand new when he was very young. Because I've spent all day quizzing him on things, and I've been ignoring my daughter. Or she's just interested in more interesting things like princesses. Jinna warns babies, more practical knowledge, like like sparkles and rainbows. She like. So she got this

necklace making kit for Christmas, which she loved. She loved all of her girly things, and she got a doll from her cousin. That was her favorite thing ever. And she one of these necklaces was sitting out here and she was like this one broke a little bit, and like she's pointing at the beads and like noting. Like she's just in that really girly mode where she'll turn to you and be like it's not perfect, Like she

just like wants everything to be like so beautiful. She's very particular like her mother, which has led to a gorgeous bathroom. I keep going over there at night when the workers are away, and I peek at the progress. Yeah, you like to sneak peeks, like the sneak peaks. I just like to sneak peaks in bathrooms. What I'm no creep um. The sink, the vanity, the toilet are in. It's good except for this one thing that our contractor

improvised without consulting me. With the tiles. Well there, so there's like what they contractors referred to as shampoo boxes, which are these indians in the tiles in the shower where you can put your shampoo and stuff. And so the back of that, he decided on his own to do a totally different tile separate from the two tiles I picked out for the wall and floor, and he chose this very cheap, tacky looking tile to insert into the middle of all the subway tile, which is like

it's like one of those sheets. It's like it's like every kitchen, Yeah, like fake colorful glass. And granted it's it's all like gray, so it's like it could be a lot worse. And it's going to be the shower behind the shower curtain, and no one's going to look in the shower and inspect my shampoo boxes. So at this point, I just want everyone to leave my bathroom and I want to move back into my home. So I'm not going to argue about it, but I'm just like, why why this? Why not the other tile that we

have a whole other box of? Well, why not just the white subway tile that is? That's what I mean? Yeah, or why not ask us? Yeah, I gotta say they've done a very fine job. I think he thought. I genuinely think he thought he was doing me a favor. Like I think there's he has a lot of customers who are probably like, yeah, when they added in this fancy detail over here like that, I think that he was like, I'm going to add some visual interest. Yeah,

he doesn't see it. He probably was like, this box of child costs five box versus two for the white subway tiles. So I'm gonna treat her, you know, like, well, it's an easier it's a much easier thing to install because it's one sheet and it's like a flexible sheet. You gotta cut those subway tiles and put it in an awkward spot. Yeah. But anyway, dang girl, you designed the hell out of that bathroom and it is Oh, we can't put it. We'll have to have a picture,

not this week's episode. We'll have to do a pictures. I'll tell you what. My friend, whose husband is an architect, I was asking her sure, I was talking to her about this, and she recommended Cohler like sink fixtures and I'm really pleased with that aspect of this. Oh well, I could say they were the showerhead fixtures are gold. Yeah, I was a curveball. I didn't see that coming. You didn't see the gold coming. I mean I saw none of it coming because I was not part of the process,

which I'm not complaining you. I trust you and you deliver Anyway, it looks great. We can't wait. I can't wait to have the an octional bathroom that doesn't leak into our downstairs neighbors and the toilet doesn't run all the time, and the door closed, the window sill isn't rotting away, and the door has a lock on it because we're fancy now. Also, the door is made out of solid wood, so you don't necessarily have to hear everyone's don't have to hear everyone's pub in our apartment

where the echoes throughout. Um, we just used to call it the pp echo room. Anyway, we're moving up, moving on up, And can we talk about the tantrum that happened tonight? Is it interesting? Well? The thing that was interesting about it, So Maven's been having some big tantrums and I'm just she's hitting me, and so I have to hold her down gently carefully. Um. I try to

keep my cool, but sometimes I don't. And I'm just remembering, oh, yeah, Brand went through this that phase where he would go crazy and you'd have to really pin him down and because he wasn't being safe and he was stomping and all this, and remember how hard it was. Yeah, she's not nearly this. She's not as strong as he is. And but he was. It's the same age that he

was doing this. But tonight we went through one of them and she didn't have quite the fight in her that she did for the last couple, and that it ended with her. She gave up. And that is brand new and boys, it satisfying. I think we're past the worst of that. But she started screaming, you're hurting me, and I'm like, I'm not. My impulse would go like, I'm not hurting you. You can't engage at all. Canna

engage to that because she's gonna scream it more. And we are to Airbnb, and and the woman who rents it, I think is in this building. She's got a little secret compartment somewhere, not a compartment apartment secret. She told us she's in an attached apartment on the property. I think she might be directly blows yeah she is anyway, daughter screaming. She's listening to this podcast right now. Um, you're welcome free content. This next segment is called would

you knows? That's where you guys are listeners or us present parenting hypotheticals. Oh yeah, we gotta repeat writer in her for would you knows? This is from Nicola, who wrote do you're a member that would you know? Scenario about the the guy from that like still money or something from us and then years later run into a month playground and he acts like he doesn't know you. I got all those details wrong, but it was a

good one anyway. Read this one. Hey guys, thank you for your trouble shooting with my previous would you know this question? It brought a smile to my face on a particularly tough day trying to juggle children, work, in life in general. Due to the feedback from the Graham slash Matthew scenario, which is the last one, I challenged myself to think of another descent. So here we go.

It is the Christmas holidays and you are currently experiencing the common confusion of it's Tuesday today, right, it's Wednesday? Are you sure what happened to Tuesday? Along with the calendar amnesia, everyone's sleep schedules also messed up. Brandon Maven had started staying up late, and therefore you two are also staying up late and sleeping in to compensate. Excuse me, Peter, Sorry, I'm drinking a bubbly beer over here, Peter. One night, you wake up to hear Maven crying. At a glance

of your phone, you predict you've only just fallen asleep. Groggily, you get out of bed to check on Maven. Once in the kid's room, you see Beth is already there, trying to console Maven, but nothing is working. Maven is pushing to sit up and break out of Beth's arms, but can't get out of her hold and continues to cry out in frustration. Upon hearing you walk in, Beth looks up at you and says, this isn't Maven. This must be an alien to you. Maven looks and sounds

like herself, and you say so to Beth. She only shakes her head and repeats with some with stone cold sincerity, that the child she is holding is an alien. You need to call someone, she adds, this time with urgency. Take her into our room, get him out of here. I'll hold it until you get back. Peter. You're naturally confused as hell. You suspect that Beth is still half asleep, and maybe whatever she was dreaming is still running through her system. Maybe she was dreaming about people being addict

abducted by shape shifting creatures from out of space. But what if she's not What if this isn't Maven. The possibility is extremely slim that your daughter has been replaced by a shape shifting extraterrestrial, But it's still a possibility. The more you try to reason with Beth, the more she digs her heels and she keeps a tight hold of your quote unquote daughter who's trying to break free. What do you do? Thanks, Keola, Wow, what do you do? Don't believe it? I just go back to sleep. This

is so classic. It was so classic. Don't believe it. Just go back to sleep and let my hallucinating wife wrestle my daughter. I would not go back to sleep because I would be in great fear that my wife has lost her mind and that she's going to harm our child. So I would apply reason. I would let you know Beth that okay, okay, great, Well let's take a second. Let's figure this out to calm you down, make you feel like this alien is not going to

hurt us. And I'd say, let's talk to it um and I try to get Mavin out of your arms. This could really make or break our relationship. Okay, great, I would show you that I was taking it seriously. I mean also, at first, I need to assess how crazed you are, if we can calm you down. It seems like we need a code word or something like where it can be like, I'm not losing my mind right now. This is an alien Like what, Beth are you? Have you read this email? Because I didn't read the

ps to this email. You want to hear the ps ps once you have solved it. In our household, we have a code word that we use when one of us needs to take a step back from a situation because the other is getting frustrated, whether it's cleaning, fixing a broken drawer, or handling our daughter after only one hour of sleep and still in dream mode. It is coming handy at times, and I'm so grateful to have

my husband to lean on. In the early days of being a mom, I used to dream of people hiding my daughter in pillow cases, so I'd wake up tearing the bed she's trying to apart, trying to find her. I can't believe you said that, because we're all in a simulation. Peter, Oh my gosh, I was programmed different. That's crazy code word. But in their scenario, the code word is sort of like wake up, like it snaps you back to reality. Well it sounds like no, I

didn't actually process that. I was just too shocked that you also said code words. I mean, it is shocking. In our household, we have a cold word that we use when one of us needs to take a step back from a situation because the other is getting frustrated. Yeah, so when things are getting too intense and someone needs to be like reminded, So what I say the code word to you to be like you need to take a break, or do I say a code word? Because the person who's trying to calm the other person down

says so I say, like, Bob, that's a flipper. It means it's like giving each other a time out that you've agreed upon. Well, I'm most I'm a little confused. I think time outs are good. I agree. That's something I have learned a little bit being with you, is that, like I feel a lot of things, I'm going to give myself a time out so that I can am capable of remembering what I'm saying now. Otherwise I'll say a whole lot of things I can't defend. Later, this

Airbnb feels like we're in a time out. Yes, yes, that is completely true. I feel like my whole life is I'm i M gonna have a time Yeah. It's just such a weird. Yeah, anyway, I don't. I don't say time out with our kids, do we do? You say time out? I say alone time? I think you need some alone time. It feels less love of punishment, more meeting their needs. Sometimes you gotta cool down. Can you believe you said we need a code word? I can't.

I've actually had so many insane synchronicities this week like you would not like it's like it's just like crazy. I was like sitting here trying to write something, and I haven't been so frustrated because like the kids keep entry up to me all week, and I was having sort of like a breakthrough realization of like just like

forcing myself to like actually get something done. And as it was happening, this hawk and we're are Airbnb is on this golf course, and so this hawk flew down to the golf course and like caught an animal in its mouth, like right in front of me. As this was happening, and I was just like, what is happening?

And like I had I've had so many moments in this Airbnb where I'll be thinking about something I want to do or buy or whatever and something and then I'll literally look up and be like, there's a painting of that thing on the wall right in front of me. Like I just have had so many, so many weird things. Anyway, that reminds me of the still the most insane things that's ever happened in my entire life. So I was

in high school. I was getting ready for breakfast for school, was eating breakfast, Um, I was done, and I remember putting on my shoes at the breakfast table and I was tying my shoes. I finished tying them, and I looked up and in our backgyard there was a big pond, and across the pond it was a very big, weeping willow, beautiful giant tree right on the edge of the water. And I look up and I, for no reason, I decided to take a second to just actively think about

this tree and appreciate it. My mind, really is an incredible tree. And just in that moment, the entire tree split into and fell into the pond. That's how they're reminding us. It's all fake. It was. It's not like it started cracking. It was loud, like the whole thing cracked and splashed and there were waves. It's not like I heard a noise and looked. I was looking at it and then it went I can die. Now we're

in a game. I later read that this is common for weeping willows, especially close to the water, and this one was freakishly big. To following someone's staring at them, that's common. Yeah, they're very shy, so like, don't look at me. Um. So, I don't know what I learned from that. There's a pps in this email about half of the Graham slash Matthews scenario is based on true events. Wow, I figured her style is like a mix of fact

in fiction where the lines are always blurred. It's like a really good movie adaptation of real events where it's not that real. Yeah, you shouldn't get into she is. She's doing a great job, I gotta say. And it's you got characters the really indicate how how to read the lines is clear. I feel like she could write a really great thriller in the same way that like in the way that Jordan's Peels films get it, like

the visceral feeling of experiencing racism. I feel like she could do that for like the visceral like sort of rage and overwhelm of being a mom. But you know what I mean, Like she's like you wake up and there's an alien Like I just want her to write we knows pod fan fiction you wanted to be about you? Yeah, Yeah, that's why I love it. Um, although you gotta don't learn how to spell brand too many ends. There's only one end. I mean. This is not to you. This

is not for everybody to scold them. I love you, I take it back, But everybody, we gotta go over this again because almost nobody gets them right. Bran d R Y D M A E. Just don't give us. Don't don't give us an excuse to talk about our kids names again because you don't want to hear it. Just try to spell them correctly. I don't want to hear it. They don't want to hear us talk about names. Spelling.

Let's talk about spelling. One of my favorite books I've ever read was just about the history of the English language, just the phonetics. You know, I have to bring her up almost every episode. Elizabeth Warren this week said that her favorite book she was asked by a childbird favorite book is and she said The Little Engine That Could. She's the only person who could answer that in the way that she answered it. And I would be like, I believe what this politician is saying. I believe she

actually feels this way. I believe I believe she. I believe she like she named her dog Bailey, after George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life and Hello Yo, building him loan. Someone asked her recently in an interview. They tried to argue that like George Bailey's philosophy was actually predatory towards like he was a predatory lender, and She's like flipped out defended it. I was like, this is the one who really loves that movie and really loves

a Little Engine. Anyway, Well, for whatever difference is, Elizabeth Warden and I have we are on the same page about defending George Bailey, who called him a predatory lender. Come on, he sacrificed profits left and right to help the little guy. Um, all right, Well, that was an excellent um, we knows, would you know? I was going to say, what the hell is called? Is called? We knows? This is an excellent We know the episode is not over, but the reviews are in in this episode, we're killing it.

This next secment is called listeners want to Know. So that's where we take questions and comments from you guys. All right? Does the email comes to us from Matthew our friend? All right? He writes a parenting win on par with a Stanley cup. It's the bold subject line. Hi, Betty, Peter.

I wanted to do a quick fun fact we've probably talked about before, which is that we used to live in a block where there's a big mural of sports figures and of New York sports hero and it was painted by children, and it was not the best way. It was not painted by children, it definitely was. It was painted by like teenagers anyway, I don't think so.

It had clearly been there for years and it was a little wonky, and they there was what was it, Wayne Gretzky in the sun Mark Messier, Mark Messier holding up a Stanley cup. Dropy. That was just the way it had been painted was just kind of crooked. It was not. It was a very floppy Stanley cup. But instead of walking past like a normal person and thinking, well, a teenager probably made this mural and they did their best, and it's cute. Every time you walked by, you got

so angry, angry and that it was funny. You had to point it out every time, how crooked it wasn't It got under your skin, and you couldn't not in my town. It's the rule of a thousand. You couldn't not say it every single time I walk past. So I told my sister that you did that. And then we were driving past in the car with my family at one time, I think, anyway, we're going past with their sister and she turns to just and goes, wow,

that Stanley cup is really crooked. And you for out so excited that someone shared your animosity towards this mural. Animosity is not the right word. Okay, Well your fixation, that's fair. Your fixation is validated, and he felt on top of the world. I was like, I know, right, And then you both looked at each other and laughed, and I was like, oh, I just got a new old Okay. Anyway, continuing the email, it's really embarrassing. I thought I could trust your sister, and that was a

moment I realized, No, we're bonded by blood. Sarcastic blood. All right, parenting went on par with the Stanley Cup. Hi, Beth and Peter wanted to share with you a recent parenting win that I feel Peter in particular, we'll get a kick out of are almost four year old son, as most kids, sometimes gets a bit overexcited and has difficulty calming down. The holiday season with an abundance of candy and baked goods available only serves to exhaust abait this.

It's usually something as innocent as running through the house or screaming, and by giving him attention and maybe some activity to focus on, he can get himself calm and centered. Sometimes, however, he just can't and needs to get the energy out. This is when the innocent playing can quickly shift to the naughty side of throwing things, jumping on or off furniture, or getting in the face of the family dog, basically all types of things that can result in injury, so

it needs to be addressed at the same time. Matthews developing an appreciation for hockey definitely as a result of projection from Daddy could work Dad. This fall, he experienced his first hockey game, his first time ice skating, and for Christmas received an indoor hockey set. So while he was learning about the game, I tried to incorporate some of these rules into everyday life, namely the penalty and the penalty box. I know what you're thinking, it's just

time out by another name, except it's not. Time out has worked to our Time out hasn't worked for Matthew in the past because it doesn't lend itself to communication about what, how, and why something is not acceptable. It has always felt more like solidaryn solitary confinement where there is no talking or moving. Just wait for the end and then maybe we can talk about what happens several

minutes ago if you pay attention. When an NHL player receives a penalty, the ref usually escorts them to the box explaining their penalty, and then they can still communicate with the bench and the official in the box during their penalty time. The only rule is that they have to stay in the box for the penalty time. So we tried making a quote unquote penalty box by designating a chair in the living room, not separate from anyone, and use standing a standard time two minutes for minor penalties,

five minutes for fighting. When Matthew crosses the line from playing to naughty, playing to naughty, we make a horn sound and call out penalty and then calmly explain what happened and ask him if that's allowed or not. We use our smart speaker as the timer so we can quickly and calmly ask Alexa for two minute timer, get Matthew into the penalty box, and then continue to communicate about the difference between playful and destructive or dangerous until

Alexa lets us know the penalty times over. There's no clock watching, no shunning. Proud to say that Matthew has taken to it very well and it has become a great tool for the whole family because, just like on the ice, any player can get sent to the box, even mommy, daddy or puppy. Like most parenting tools, success hinges on our ability to not show anger when using but so far it has been a great way to

address behavior without the focus being on the punishment. We haven't needed to give five for fighting yet, but Matthew's cousin of the same age is coming soon and it's like a Flyer's Penguins game every time they get together. Matth you know what that means, right? He didn't say that. I said that. I would also like to thank A. Beth for recently identifying a book I've been searching for

a few times. The Girl Who Owned a City was a book we read in middle school, and while most of the plot has stuck with me, I could not remember the title. Thanks to her Austin memory and the overdrive app, I downloaded the audio book from the library and listen to it again. A great premise and book eagerly awaiting. There's no manual best book coming out in February as a birthday present for my wife, who is pregnant with baby number two. Woo. Last thing on the list.

I've been meaning to give you a recommendation of a great bourbon that's relatively new. Okay, if you can find it. It's called rough Rider and it's now you're talking, and it's distill distilled on Long Island, as well as some great vodka. The distillery is also great, with a tasting

room and deck that overlooks the farm. It's in the same general area as most Long Island wineries and farms, so it makes very great stop before or after pumpkin picking in the fall as oh A, thanks for this awesome podcast and a happy New Year from m J and family. Matt. Wow, there's so much to talk about in this email. I don't even know where to start. Um the penalty. I am so timpted to talk about

the bourbon first and foremost. Well, then talk about the bourbon just like I really I have developed a deep affection for bourbon over other like whiskey, especially Scotch, like a bourbon anyway. Is this interesting? Yeah? Yeah it is. Babe. Just start calling you babe, babe, talk about what you want a babe, babe. I just want like a smooth bourbon. Um. It felt very weird for you to even joke call me babe. Um, like weirder than me doing it to you. You're like, this is not my wife. This is an

aliens and I like it. Okay, all right, I'll get to the real. But do you think anyone out there has a wife alien fantasy fetish? Not a fetish fantasy. People have fetishes about like slapping bologna on their feet. I'm sure they have that fetish understandable, but what about I'm sorry you go ahead, Um no, let's keep talking about fetish. You're not my wife, you're an alien. Oh yeah, come here, alien. I'm sorry that got so I got that got that got more sexual than I would have

liked it too. I'm sorry, but that was the bit. You can take any weird interests and then you get you get someone to influence other people to become into it, and then and then they just will create finer and finer versions of it, until you'd be like, why is everyone even this weird smoky peete bug? Why say, for eating this weird smoky pezza. I don't get it. It It really just seems like anyway a smoke wait, a smoky

peete bog. What have you noticed that all of our friends are dressing up like aliens and going to these alien orgies in this peatbock getting into the pa I like the aliens, and I can't get into the pea buck anyway. Um, should we get to the actual penalty box? Penalty Okay, obviously this seems like it's going great for him and our children. I don't think would understand or

appreciate it at all. I disagree. I think if we committed to this singular, you know, if they were experiencing hockey outside the home on a regular basis and cared about it in the world at large, I think it makes sense. I think the peer pressure aspect of people being of like our kids seeing other kids adhere by

other rules that is magical. Like remember when we were bringing them to daycare for the first time and we were like, um, our children are animals and they don't nap at times, and you can't make them do things. And then they were like, oh no, they'll just do what the other children are doing. And we were like really. And then like a day and they were like, yeah, your kids just snapped with the other kids. I wasn't worried. Well I was. I was like, they don't I mean

food when we tell them to eat. I didn't think. I didn't think they would get on board so quickly, that's for sure. Yeah, but I don't think they'd have to. You don't have to explain hockey at all. If you were just like, okay, that's too minutes, you're going in the penalty box. You sit in the chair in the midst of a tantrum and you're explaining time out game. They're not going to be like, yes, cool, it would have to be a minor offense, you know, tripping, ice sticking,

cross checking. Uh, yeah, we get it. You're sports hunk who knows all the hockey terms boarding. Boarding. Um. Your boarding is when you check somebody not on the boards, um, but like a few feet away so that they fall and like their face hits the boards. That's dangerous. Back you know, checking from behind. That was called back checking. It's when you skate back. Boy, it's been a while.

I think it's a great idea. I think the phenomenal idea that the core elements of it that work really well is just clear, consistent, non unemotional consequences, consequences where a kid can connect A to B. You just did this thing. Now you have to go here, and you know, the explaining why something is bad. You know, Matt hit it right in the head when it's that like you you send in the room whatever, you have an argument and then later you try to talk about it that

that doesn't work. They don't remember, they don't even connect it back to how this happened. But in the moment, something happens and you go up two minutes for tripping or whatever it is. It's a two B and they can actually connect to the thing they did and learn

from it. That's what I think. I just I don't remember him talking about that and his email about sorry about what about um not talking to them after he said in there that, you know, hoping that after a big fight or whatever, you can have a conversation about why this all happened. I find that with my kids if there's a big blow up and they go to the room, and then after as they calm down, you sit down and you're like, now, do you know why

this happened? That's a pointless conversation because they don't remember, and that actually rewards them because at the end you're like, now we're going to have a heartfelt connection. Do you think sometimes though, it's good to be like, hey, were you having some big feelings back there? Yeah, and then let them be like yeah I felt bad. Yeah that's fine, but it's like, do you know how why this happened? It's weirdly a reward. You're reinforcing the negative behavior by

giving it a happy cap at the end. What's your what's your best best sports parenting analogy that you go, that's your go to, um, you know in the paint. I don't. I don't know, I don't. I don't use sports analogy. What I mean, I know you don't. That's why I asked take it to the hoop, you know in the paint. You know, when your kids are emotionally needy, you got to meet them in the paint, um basketball.

I literally did. Until you were talking about that, I didn't put it together that the band five for Fighting was named after a sports rule. Oh wow, you know what. I didn't connect that that's what that is either until right now, not that I've thought about the band five for Fighting my favorite band, uh five for fighting thing? I don't remember it, just Jimmy Eat World. I was about this thing. Five for Fighting could be the name

of a song and not a band fighting. It's one of those things where I never actively thought about it. Like I'm sure you didn't either, but I assumed five for Fighting was we're five guys and we are for fighting, like table for five five for fighting? But no, should we look up five for fighting? Are you looking at up right now? Oh? Five for Fighting is a singer songwriter, like a one person who has a stage name? What if one guy? Who? What is? What's this big song? Um? Superman?

It's not easy? Oh? Is that that? Like that? I could be your Superman? I guess, I guess, and I guess five for fighting. That guy loves hockey. Well, yeah, his name's a Vladimir. I'm going to guess. That's it easy from where's he from? But this is the first time I think ever we we've just forced you all to listen to us. He's born in Los Angeles, US. Of course he was big hockey fan. I despise, big fan of the big Los Angeles hockey team. I'm not going to end that sentence. I'll let you all wonder

what I despise? What is it Los Angeles? Is it hockey? Is it five for fighting? What? I don't know? I've lost my mind? Tellt ly us hanging. We're going to wrap it up. Well, friends, this has been the last episode of We Know It's parenting in our Airbnb. We'll be back next week at our home. UM, wish us luck in our transition back to reality. Yeah, if you want to send us an email, what do you know? Scenario advice question? You can right to us. Hit we

knows Pot at gmail dot com. You can leave us some voicemail at three four seven three eight four seven three. You can find us on social media Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, at we knows pod and rate review, subscribe, do all those things things and have a great night. Bye bye m