Impetig-uh-oh!

everything and lick things. And so I think you're giving licking things too much credit for this illness. But I have no way to back that up or prove it. You think the licking of things in massively trafficked public play face is full of other children had nothing to do. I think it's why they don't get sick more. But again, I have no way to back up that argument. Well, I think that the oh my god, anyway, keep going. I just wanted to just throw an unnecessary wrench in

in that continue they're looking things. So Wednesday, ish our son develops a rash around his mouth and nose, and I was like, this looks like not normal with something that should be looked into. And I was like, I think maybe he has like in patigo or hand foot in mouth is coming back, and You're like, no, it's just because the humidifier is blowing in his face. It's fine. So then this rash so far, I just want to say, totally accurate. So then this rash lingers on his face,

which is not like a good looking rash. It's like, no, it did look like it was getting better to me, because it did not. To me, was like a real juicy one day and I was like oh, and then and then continued to be gross, dried up, Okay, but I apologize for our listeners. It's gross. So we're like bringing our son to school, to public places, to birthday parties, and I'm like, this is not good. To a new school visit, to a new school visit, we're like living

our son. This is where he's literally being a set. He's really literally being assessed. But in our defense, it was the same day we had We're supposed to go to our house to do some things in Brooklyn or the place we're buying in Brooklyn, and it was like we had all of these things that have been dragging on to figure out how our life will actually be planned for the coming fall. It's like we need it. We're like, if we don't do this now, we're setting

our whole lives back another two weeks. So we um we go and luckily did not sabotage her visit. Yeah, well let's come back to that. Continue the illness anyway, So we're just bringing our rashy kid around town and then starting Friday just flaunting him and then Maven we're the worst that this kind of thing. Then mavenu is Friday in the midst of all this starts to feel warm and we get her home and she has like a low fever and I was like, it's and this

is again like classic Maven illness. This happens every time where she just seems like kind of sick and we're like, yeah, she kind of has a fever, but she's quiet and nice, like she's just so like not a difficult kid that you're just like it's fine. And the fever went away. Yeah.

I mean it wasn't like non stop, but I feel like part of every day she was like kind of fevery and like tired and like cranky and then, but but you know, we're like, I don't know, there's all these colds and things, and I was like, maybe part of my mind was like, maybe Brin has a really like another hand foot in mouth thing like our reoccurrence, but it's milder this time, and maybe we didn't even notice he had the fever because it was so quick

this time. And I was like, maybe she's just like going to blow through this because when our kids got hand foot month the first time, it was just like a one day fever and then like a few dots, you know. Um so and anyway, and once the rash comes, there's nothing you can do about it at that point really, So anyway, this is all happening. Finally, Friday morning, I like, I'm like, oh man, I should take a look at

Brind's face, because I you have been Sunday morning. You have been working all weekends, and it was like pouring rain all day Saturday. So we just like hold up, and I was like, let's just let these sick kids rest. And then Sunday, I'm like I gotta go check and see how this rash is doing. Because I knew you were going to work in a couple of hours, and then it was like the whole weekend is over, um,

And I look at his face. The rash is worse and his eye is starting to look swollen, and I'm like, great, so you take him to urgent care. His an eye is not just swollen, but his lower eyelid is red and disgusting and swollen, and in the gap has a full like crust to it. Anyone listening to us who's like a germophobe is like thinking, They're like, this is the kind of parents I hate. Well, if you're like, remember the first four months of this podcast was just

sickness reports. Do you remember when you printed something out of the printer this week? A recipe? And Grin called it a restaurant note. My kids think that the only thing that comes out of the printer doctors. When you print something, they go doctor's notes. And I was like, guys, And so I printed a recipe and Brent picked and it falls on the floor because the tray is never

were out. So Brent picked it up and looked at it and recognized that it was like a recipe, and he looked at being a restaurant note, and he I mean, he was wrong, but he could have been more wrong. Yeah, he's like getting really good at reading. Like now he'll like he could pick up anything, and I'm like, he'll sound out every word on the thing. Like he's like, I'm so proud of him, you know, because that's been

saying that I can still barely read. And so it's one of those like I feel like Forrest Gump when I'm like, is he smart or he gets it from me? Because I do know how to read. Um, well, you know how. You know how to make sense of the words, and I know how to deliver them anyway, I'll tell you what I think. My I don't know, this probably happens with you too, But my mom, I remember reading to us like every night, like out of chapter books.

I can remember this happening in our old house, which means it was when I was like three or four, like I was like very little and like listening to the entirety of Little House on the Prairie out loud. So and I think you similarly and sometimes reading a lot to her kids. I've been reading them the Magic Treehouse books this week, um, and they're pretty into it. So tonight we read Dr Seuss a BCS so Mayven I have been working on our letters and bring his words,

and it's a perfect book for it. And for the first time, I think Maven has known all her letters for a while, but it's real coy about sharing her knowledge. But tonight, you know, so each page is like big, a little A what begins with a? And so I'd have may even do all the letter parts and she goes big a little what begins with a A? And then Brin would read all the words and I've tried to do that in the past with them sharing. And then Bryan is just so terrible because she hesitates for

a second and he's like, it's an h mabn. I'm like, Britain, let's help her, but give her a second. And he was patient and he waited and she did the entire thing correctly, as did his reading. Nice completely unrelated story last night, I was, um, I forgot when I was putting them to bed to give them their medicine because they're so difficult to put to bed, and I remembered like a half hour later something and they're asleep, So I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna like gently wake

them up. This feels like a very like classic childhood memory, like your mom waking you up, being like I forgot to do this, don't wake up, but I'm putting this thing in your mouth. It made me really feel like I'm I feel relately, like I'm really we're really creating childhood memories with them for the first time, and it's like I'm like, wow, they're actually going to remember this. Um. It doesn't even make you feel more like a mom

because you're doing things you remember your mom. It really does like yeah, anyway, I so, I was like, I had to give them their medicine, so they both So the story that we didn't finish the language is that you took Brand to urgent care. You got home, I escaped for an hour to run errands because I was like, I need to get away from these kids for like at least one hour of this weekend or I'm going to lose my mind. Um. And then came back and then you left for work, and I was like, Mayven

still has a fever and she told me oh. She then told me that her ear hurt, and I was like, fuck, I gotta get these kids back to urgent care. I was like, I gotta deal with this now. Otherwise the week starts and everything's going to hell. So I go I take them to urgent care. They're like, it's a forty five minute wait, and like, I don't think it was actually that long, but I was like fuck. So we get in there. I didn't really want to tell you that there was no one there when I went, well,

there wasn't actually anyone in the waiting room. So I was like, I feel like they're just trying to scare me little bit. It's like management of emotions. Um, anyway, get in there. Mayven doctor comes in with a face mask on, and I was like, yeah, it's bad out there. Also yeah, and then while we're in the waiting room, there's like a doorstopper at like door knob height, and Brin walks over to it and puts it, puts his mouth on it, basically just like makes that with this thing.

I was like, what are you doing? I was so annoyed. Okay, well, by the way, we didn't say that, hey, he has in fatigue. He's coming back to the same location that just diagnosed him with in fatigue his inpatigue a few hours earlier to wipe his in fatigue on the wall. I just was like, I can't handle this kid. I was. It's like I was getting so mad at them this week. So then uh, we go in. Mayven has two ear infections and then it's like classic ear infections, both ears,

and I'm like that it's this. It's the same thing happen every time, where I'm like, why did I put like I feel so bad, like I made her be in pain for two or three days. She wasn't um anyway. So then have to go back to CVS get a second prescription. Now they're both on the same antibiotics, which I think is going to be a blessing in the end because they can't infect each other right now with anything. Oh they are, they're immune. Yeah, well weirdly, weirdly he does.

Oh wait, So the story I was going to get to was that I go to feed them and they were like not really waking up. Mayven kind of wake up, and they're like I would like drip a little bit of it in their mouth to try to like gently

wake them up. As I was, I was like kind of touching them, but they weren't waking up, and I drip a little bit in their mouth and then they would like purse their lips and it was like, just this the funniest thing of like it felt like they were newborn babies again because their faces were so ridiculous. And then and May even eventually kind of woke up and I explained what was happening, and she drank it.

Bryn did not wake up at all and just suckled like a newborn and like like his lips were so funny, and he was just like just like it was so crazy. I was like telling my friends afterwards. I was like, if you want to go feed your kids something in their sleep, I highly recommend it, Like it was just so funny. You gave him medicine last night, Yeah, you weren't supposed to. Why not because for some reason, he gets one dose a day and she gets two doses

a day. M well, no, no, he's got too many antibiotics. I think better stronger than weaker. It'll be fine. I mean that's I'm sure that not keeping up with it is worse. But smaller dose once a day and she has a bigger dose twice a day. Yeah, she does have. And he's got his I cream that he has to do three times a day. And I'm debating do I have to go to school in the middle of the day to give him his second dose? I just do

two at night. At first, I was like, maybe we need to do that, but today his eyes already clearing up, and I'm kind of thinking we can just do two times. I might. I might go at three o'clock just tomorrow, like before he goes to after school, and she'd be like, can I just squirt listen as eyeball please thank you by Yeah. It might be that's nice for us to

look like involved parents who are aware of it. It might be good to be show ourselves to his teacher, who never sees us because comes from before caring and it goes to after school. That's also part of the craziness of this weekend is that it was like pouring rain, like so hard, and I had to bring Bran to this birthday party. How did that go? And I was like trying. I was like, it's raining so hard, I'm just gonna leave it in the car, like right outside

the place and try to run him in. But then of course it's like a chaotic like it was like a sports activity play center, and he wiped his in fatigue all over the sports center. Yeah, his undiagnosed in fatigue. Um. So we get in there and he's like, I'm looking around And it wasn't really until I walk in that I realized, like, I don't know anyone who. I was like just looking for someone who looked like they're greeting people. And I looked at this mom and I was like,

are you Eatin's mom? And she's like yeah, and she was like staring at me blankly. And then I was like and then I just it was very awkward because I was like I had to get in the back of my mind. I was like, I have to get back out to the car because Mayven's just sitting there and I'm already been like looking around, and so I was like, so I can leave until six, like you know, it's just like really like abrupt, and she's like yeah.

And then I was like, oh, I should have been nicer. No, I mean, I said, like, I'm I had said I'm Brand's mom, Beth, like this is Brand, but I like it was like so comment six. I was like, so you got this goodbye? Um so, and I was like, sorry, my daughter's in the car. But when I came back

to pick him up. I had a nicer conversation with her, and I felt better about it, But it was yeah and he and the other thing that happened when we got there that added to the awkwardness is that he she The first thing she said to Brand when I was like, this is Brand, she was like, do you like sports? And he was like no, and like and he did that to us twice this week where he was like, we were at this new school that we're like interviewing at and they were like, so do you play,

Like I don't know baseball or whatever. He was like no, what what did he say? He was like, oh, we should? Uh he it was very we should. We should talk about at in full in a minute. Um, I want to continue to just end the sickness story because to day they were both couldn't go to school. So I was home and it was fine except that the internet was out. It was dead. It was out. Um, I couldn't I couldn't put on TV for them, But I

also couldn't do work. There was like I was at home and I thought I could, like I have a lot of work to do, Like I have a lot of screens to be looking at, and I couldn't do a gosh darn thing, and so I finally go. I'm like, I assumed the Internet just you know, turns back on. And I went to finally look, you know, at the insane FiOS box in the closet. It's like, you know, it looks like it looks looks like a massive backup

generator for a house. And I go and the battery light is on, and I read all the things, what all the lights mean, and but it's looked like it was fine. And then a few hours in, um, it starts beeping very loud, and I go in and then suddenly it says the battery light is out, and I'm like, I just replaced this battery. It suppos the last three years, it lasted two. This is BS So I look it up, but I'll check out the things. I'm like, the batteries.

The light is off, which means no power or low power, battery dead. So I take out this massive battery. I look up where you will buy a battery. I throw the kids in the car and I go buy a forty battery at the battery store. Um. Then we go get your prescription, and then we buy a donut because I promised bring yesterday. We get home, I put in the giant battery and I'm like, a great, I fixed it, and then I closed the door and I look down outside of the closet where there's that massive plug to

that unit, and it's unplucked. One of our children ripped this thing apart and unplugged it. That's very funny. And I'm like, why the hell is there a forty dollar battery for this thing when it's just plugged in. So now we have a spare battery. No, I recycled the old forty battery when I was there. Um, oh well, And then it looked up the whole thing is a backup unit. A forty battery for a backup unit. I actually, sam, I actually had a very similar thing today, which is

that I went to install something on my computer. This is not interesting, but I couldn't install it because a few months ago, or a couple of months ago, I was trying to like, I was trying to try to change some settings and figure out how to put some controls on my computer so that I could control my social media use. And I just wanted to be able to focus during the day, and so I went into the users, and I must have read something wrong online

and like did a wrong thing. And what I had done was I put parental controls onto my account, my user account on the computer, which is the only user account on the computer. So when you go to change the parental controls and then asks you for an admin password, there's no other account that you could ever have a password for that exists anywhere, So you're just you can't, like if you give it the password for the one account,

it's like no, that account doesn't have parental control. So so I had locked myself out of like doing software updates and certain things to the computer. And it was just like I was like and it was one of those things where similar to you, where I was just like I have to deal with this today or my life's just going to start to fall apart um. And I happened to have like a spare hour where I had done a lot of work and I was like, Okay, I just figure this out today. And it was like

I chatted with Apple online for a while. There's like two different like people recommending the same solution that didn't work, and then they're like we're going to call you back with a specialist or something, and then they called me back like an hour later, and there this woman tried to walk me through like the same things from earlier, and then she's like, I have to give you to my superior. And I was on the phone for like

a full hour and this guy specialist Superior. They're like they finally walked me through a solution where I was able to go into um like recovery mode on the computer or something and like create another account like a root user. I don't exactly know what that means, but it's like it's a special kind of user. And then I had to log in as that user and give parental controls back. And it was like this it was like kind of a fascinating thing where you're like you,

I don't know, you design. You have to design these stems that have like you're able to control things and then these things like it was just interesting how many people at Apple didn't quite know the answer. And I was just like I found out. So I built our entire news system at story Pirates, which is not a skill set I've had until this year, and I rebuilt the entire system original and I was like, this is great.

And then someone pointed out to me today that I accidentally, if people looked in the right place, gave every single person in the company access to payroll where they could see exactly how much everyone is being paid. But fortunately it was brand news, so there's only like one week of entries and the nicest person on the planet discovered it and told me immediately that's like, I love you forever.

Your moral fiber is strong. Yeah, well, because you don't want them to know that you make eight thousand dollars a year from story Pirates while most people about I want them to think I make that, and I'll know that I don't. Um. Oh boy. Yeah. The fun thing about having like being in a small business is I think you want to give off the appearance of being successful, otherwise no one will think you know what you're doing.

But the reality is that people think you're making so much more money than you actually are that they judge you as though you're the CEO of Like my favorite corporating ever was early on somebody was trying to criticize you for how much Reductor is paid, and there they were like, well, you wouldn't pay your graphics people, like your pr people that that little and not understanding that Beth is all of those things. There are no graphics people,

there are no pr people. It's two people in a room. Yeah, and that's like super annoying to hear that. But what a compliment that you've created this thing. I'm a very frustrating compliment, I'll say. But it's fine. Um, it's the cost of doing business. And now it's time for everyone's favorite segment. Did you knows that my wife wrote a book? Did you? Did you know? You know? I started talking about it because it's coming up, and boy is it applicable.

So guys, I'm sorry, but you have to hear me promote myself on my podcast and my book is coming out very fourth The book is called There's No Manual, Honest and Gory Wisdom about Having a Baby. Um, you can find it on Amazon and maybe other places. I haven't seen all the links. But um, there's some weird places you'll never know about Beth. I bet there's some really weird fucking places that you can just find that book.

I will say the um. The book has a lot of dirty drawings inside of vaginas and people's insides and inside the book of vaginas or inside of Vaginas. Are there pictures inside the Book of Vaginas or their pictures inside the book of the inside of Vaginas? You're gonna have to buy it to find out, baby. Um No, it's it's it's a lot of useful information in terms of your body, I think, but also sort of you

know what. We had a really great endorsement by Rachel Bloom on the back of the book and she calls it a fun hang. Um, I'm saying, I'm reading it right now, you're reading it right now. I've never read it. You told me that you did. Sneak into the drop box and look at it. I looked at all the pictures, but I was like, just the picture, you know what it shows? I was like, is this the inner side of vagina or the It's so hard to tell where

it begins. I'll explain it to you later. Um yeah, but it's uh yeah, there's a lot of good stuff in there. We keep it fun. It's meant to be encouraging of moms and reminding new moms to prioritize themselves

and take care of themselves throughout the process. And it's we Um worked very hard to try to keep it in a non judgmental tone in terms of what choices you decide to take on your own parenting journey, much like you know the tone of this podcast you know what um as someone who literally just started it and as fresh eyes on that tone, UM, I would say that is very much what what I love about it

so far. Honestly, goodness, you guys. You mean this may be not surprise to you that like this is the first I've read it, um, and that it has this incredible tone of one. It has the point of view um um. So it's not wishwashy, and it's like, you know, whatever you want. It's just saying, hey, here's all these things. There's what you should think about. But it's but we're not judging you for like there's no one way for people.

We're yeah, we're trying to strike the balance of being like, you have choices in your opinion matters, and also here's some facts and statistics that might inform you, Like, we don't want to be completely without grounded nous or information like That's where I think the part of why Jackie and I wrote this book is like we sort of clung to each other as new moms, as I think a lot of new moms due to their other friends, you kind of like you seek each other out because

you're like, what's happening, because no one fully tells you what is going on? And so we wanted to give some sort of like perspective and encouragement here in this world where like women are being being given sort of a scary and overwhelming amount of clinical information that is not like it's it's often like supercharged in a way that it is not um in proportion to the actual level of danger uh that is happening for a mom

and her baby. And it's also like, you know, people in this world do a lot of like there's a lot of bad things that could happen to You could get hit by a car at any moment, but it doesn't mean that when you're reading a book about walking down the street, like every page should like be telling you about all the ways you get hit by a car.

Like there's like I think that when you're entering parenthood, a lot of the information is just very clinical and it's like you could you could have this disease or your baby could get hurt. You know, like that really

does make them see all make them seem all equally likely. Yeah, and I think so we wanted to sort of not um, you know, tell you to ignore your health or those things which sort of put in perspective and remind you to take care of yourself and your emotions, and like, yeah, and there's the thing that really another thing that really struck me about it is there's all these different segments.

You know, it says when in the beginning, there's like here's your symptoms, and every other time I've read, you know, here's what you may experience as a new mother in the first few weeks of pregnancy. That like clinical list. It's like the same as like reading sex said, we're like the penis becomes hard in his place. But you guys, you I have never read a thing that made me feel pregnant. And I don't know what it feels to

be pregnant, but the way you paint the picture. When I was pregnant, I was really like trying to find something that like especially like I really wanted like a movie or TV show that like if you were I don't know, if you're having this big life changing thing, you want to sort of like feel excited and feel the joy of that and there wasn't anything out there that's sort of like encompassed the experience of being pregnant on a visceral level, like like you would I would

have all these moments when I was pregnant were like I would be in my third trimester and like look down at my nipples and be like, there's stuff starting to use that in my nipples, and like it's not like I mean, it's like a completely normal thing that like I had never seen portrayed in any medium whatsoever, and like was sort of barely referenced in the clinical books. Like it was just like you're you know, what is that stuff called? It's like not before it's like the

pre milk um calostroom colostom. Yeah, you showed it to me.

I was like, yeah, well, and you don't, like a lot of people, like you don't really realize your breast milk isn't going to come out of like one hole out of your nipple, Like that's the thing that never occurred to me, right, And it's just all of these things that you think we would know about because this is happening all around us all the time, and literally all of us are like a result of this process of a person growing inside of a woman, but we just refused to talk about any of it. Like that.

I forgot how much that blew my mind that you like squeezed it and it like it beaded, this liquid beadd in a bunch of different places. I was like,

what the beauty of motherhood? And well, I what I think makes me get really like sensitive about all this stuff too, is that I see, like people are so revolted by you talking about this, Like if you're outside of like parent circles, like people are like like they're like you're they think you're insane, And and I see like women policing other women in this weird way where I'm like, it wouldn't really, it would never in any circle I know, be a acceptible of me to criticize

someone for not having kids. And I think that's a good thing. But then at the same time, I'll see people be like, don't post a picture of your newborn baby on social media. That's disgusting. And I'm like, the way that you entered the world and literally all of us is disgusting and should never be seen by human eyes, Like what are you talking about? Like you know, like it's just people are very like, uh, quickly put off by anything related to women. Well, it's it's mean in

just in the larger sense. It's just like I've not seen that before, so I must not be something I'm supposed to see, so right, exactly. And I think that's like what people fail to realize on a general basis is that like there racism or sexism is happening on

a very subconscious level. So like when they're when people are complaining about certain things, like no one is accusing you of like saying the N word or like grabbing a woman on her hit, Like, it's like they're asking you to think about your own subconscious decisions and biases like that's. Yeah, the most common stuff is the stuff you've literally never thought about before. Yeah, because I mean because you've never had a reason to her, just because

that's not how we talk about things. That's not what's presented in media. You said. Anyway, if you want a lot of these um juicy feminist analysis of the female experience, particularly through housing a baby in your body, please pre order There's No Manual and buy it for your pregnant friends. It really is the book that Jackie and I wish we had had what we were pregnant, So I hope you have someone you can buy for. Just to come back to the same point, because this is indicative of

how far into the book I am. Um, but you guys said such a great job of of I don't know I've said before painting a picture, but something you said just like how you you'll feel. You know, describing feelings in clinical terms is the worst way to describe a feeling, and so it takes writers and it takes comedians two to give us the scenario and the way to describe a way a person who's reacting to a thing, to make it visceral for me to understand those feelings.

So like when I was again reading like those symptoms things, I was like, oh, I'm feeling it because you're making me empathize, and you're making me see a person instead of a textbook of anatomy, which I don't empathize with. And you know, just to loop it back, as I like to do to my favorite girl, Elizabeth Warren, I do like my watch, I was like, why are we

gonna get back to that? I really what I love about her as a leader is that I think she gives you a really visceral human story to some really statistically prevalent issues and statistically sound solutions on amending them, and vote for women's well. Speaking of Elizzeth Warren and being on tour to promote things, are you going to be doing any events for THEE I currently have one event on the books and it's on our book released day February fourth. I'll be Enrichmond at a lesbian bar.

It's called Babes. It might just be called Babes. It might be called babes something, and I will try to post that to our social media. Okay, now, I I know that lesbians can have babies and do have babies. Go ahead and say something. Do you recognize the wonderful irony of having a pregnancy And there's no irony there, There's only irony there if you are biased towards leslie. Okay, boy um, that's great. I wish I could go, but I'm going to be here watching our children. Yeah, maybe

I'll bring them. Maybe I'll surprise you. Please don't let me just be cool for one night and hang out at a lesbian bar without my children. You can't hide the fact that you have babies, especially when you're at a launch party for the book where you're an expert on having babies. But it's like everyone's like, look at this sexy, vibrant woman and she also has babies, Like uhh, yeah, you're crush. That's what they're thinking. That's what they're all thinking.

Anyone who shows up to that book released party and judges you for being mom is has a story I'm interested in hearing. Tell your Richmond friends, gay or straight, all are welcome. Sound it. I process that as your rich man friends. Tell your rich man friends. Do you tell your rich man friends to buy this book? Tell all your friends, your rich man friends, your poor women and enemies. Tell your rich man friends, this is sexy book for parents. It's got diagrams of the inside and

middle and outside of vaginas. May even picked Tonight for her book. So we always we do three three books. Brand picks one, man picks one. I picked one, and May even picked the kids sex said book basically the one that was in the living room and not in their bedroom. Um no, a different one. It was like the one that really gets into everything. Amy. I was like, this is really long, maybe and we're gonna have to do one chapter, and so we basically just did anatomy.

I do think that's like unfortunately, feels like it's becoming. Next on my to do list is to like write a better kids sex book, because I don't enjoy reading the language in those books. I'm I'm good at it. Yeah, maybe his giggles Brent is like actually interested just like giggles all over. It's not the clinical stuff that bothers me. It's just the way their way with words. I don't enjoy in some of those anyway. I mean, honestly, write

that book. You would write an incredible it's only because the books are from like thirty years ago, and it's just like yeah, and who really like stop dancing around this, like just it's like they've got animal narrators. Uh. I guess that's fine. It's pretty good. It's better than than the ones. I'm being grown up. There's probably some other

ones out there that we don't have. I don't know, well maybe really it was giggling at butts they don't know what and the anus is they brand bring quietly just went our kids love butts um and they also on the buttocks is the full name of butts. That's part of what bothers me about these seventies sex books, where I'm like, let's just pretend I don't need to give my kids buttocks, Like that's not like that's not coming up for them. That's not something I need to

get ahead of. Let's leave it. Let's leave it. Let's just all agree to let go of buttocks literally something they find out at age sixteen in some literature class, and then that they're actually called buttocks. Yeah, they're like reading it in some Charles Dickens novel and then they're like they lose their minds for like half of class. Nicholas Nickleby released those buttocks at once? Um, yeah, is that Charles Dickens Nicholas Nickleby. Uh, it's don't like it,

but it might not be. It's the kind of name that Charles Dickens would use. It's going to be like when I sang the wrong song for five for Fighting Now, I actually want to know the song I did sing was that like, oh no deaf found dam down, don't no yo yo? Superman was like in a bird half that's the correct one. That's mad play. I want okay so fifty so as we talked about that episode. Five for Fighting is a reference to the hockey five minute

penalty for fighting. We don't need to get back in. No, no, just we don't have to, but I'm already there, so we obviously is the furthest thing from the tone of the band five for Fighting, which is all we already talked about. But my question is, OK, I want people to write in, stop it shot up, and I want to hear what other bands you think have the most ill fitting names given their style of music. It's a

fun question. You can also email us with a parenting question an article they liked about parenting as you can just email me my secret email address. Review of my book, that's the six Sexy Book for Parents as soon as you preorder, go to Amazon and rate it, and then say the Sexy Book for Parents. The reviews say, I have a band with an ill fitting name five stars. This next timement is called would you knows this, where we present each other with parenting hypotheticals. Here we go.

So this comes to us from Anna Um, who's written in before. Her subject line is love you guys to exclamation points. Hi, we knows pod. I'm a frequent listener of the pod, second time writer, and a huge fan of your all caps gorgeous family parentheses all caps L O L exclamation point. Why is that funny, Anna, that we're gorgeous? Are you not serious? I think we're gorgeous. Just kidding. I'm twenty five years old with no kids just yet, but maybe in the future. I'm still deciding

if that's the route I want to take. But if I do get knocked up, Beth's book will be the first thing I order. Laughing till I cry a Moji face again. That's it feels like you're undercutting the previous sentence, just kidding. You're great. So I came across this hypothetical online and instantly thought I had to write in and share it with you. I just realized before I read this hypothetical that there's nothing parenting related in it. So I'm on the fly, gonna change it to make it

a little more applicable. Want me to read it, and then I'm going to change it. You find a book and begin to read, only to discover that it's your life. You get to the point that you are at now to turn the page knowing that you will not be able to change the events to come, excited to hear your answer and keep being awesome and a heart emoji. Wow, Okay, I don't want your tweak. Just let her ask the question. I think it would be impossible for me not to

read it. I would have to read. I would start reading some of it and then see how it affected the experience. You'd read like a day's worth. Yeah, it'd be like, maybe that was a bad idea, But I'm not not going to read a little bit. Boy. I've actually been thinking about this a lot since I read this. We are currently at a place in our lives where I just want, more than anything to know when we will be able to move into our new home. But the thing is I'm assuming in this scenario is that

you can't change what happens. The thing with our home is that I know that if our renovation is not going to be done by a certain time and school is starting and I want to get my kids in school, I'm going to have to find a sublet or an airbnb. So if I knew that in advance, I could plan accordingly and not be stressed out the whole time about what might happen. Well, here's how I read it. I read it as it's not a not a like predictor, it is this will happen this way, so you can't.

Knowing what's going to happen doesn't give you any room. You still have to experience it. You still have to experience all of it. It still makes me feel like maybe I would let it wash over me as it was happening, like if I knew that that was what was going to happen, Like, but boy, what a gamble? What if it like sucks? That's so depressing. I guess you know, I just read ahead until there was one really exciting thing to look forward to, and then and then not read ahead, so I just have one thing

to look forward to. Yeah, I just kind of feel like if I knew that, I would know to try to be in the moment and enjoy that moment more versus like I feel like like it's so hard, like our careers are so unpredictable, and the thing like if you talk to me like years ago when I was still writing this book and like about the launch, I would be like, I can't wait till the launch of that book. I like, I'm so tired of writing. I

just want the writing to be done. But now that, now that the books about to come out, I'm like, oh, I can't believe I have to do all this book promotion. I hate the promotion part of the book. I wish I was just done. Like so, I think if I was, like, if I had a sense of like what the difficult difficulties were going to be, I would be like, Okay, well that was the moment. I should have just relaxed and enjoyed the launch party, like you know what I mean,

Like I should be doing that anyway. But I understand that, but I think I would not do it. I am. I live in the moment, for better or worse. Do you well for better or worse? I don't. Sometimes I think that's giving yourself a lot of credit. No, I mean in a bad way too, not looking far enough ahead. I mean, I think me at my best, but you're not like lacking anxiety, You're not like present in the moment. I don't mean to suggest that, but I think me

at my best. I take, um, I face difficult things, um well with a sense of like, okay, great, what do we have to do, let's get it done? Um me? But me at my worst? Oh god, I I want to be the person that is here now, that exists now, and I'm open and excited about not knowing exactly in not either way, if I read the book or don't read the book, I'm not going to be fully present. And that's the problem. I think maybe this might be

better for you than it would be for me. Yeah. Well, it's like I feel like it's like that thing of like when we found out we were pregnant both times, and it was an accident both times, and I was like it was sort of scary, not in the moment of like not knowing if we're going to like move forward with it, but once you're sort of like, okay, this is happening to us, Like that is when it's

sort of becomes easier. Like that's where if sometimes you just want someone who would like tell you what to do and like what's going to happen, so you just be like, Okay, this is gonna suck, but like I know, I have no other option but to just deal with it. You know, that's funny because that's it's happened when we weren't expecting it either time. When it happened, it happened

so fast and that's for me. That was ultimately great just to be like, oh fuck what um okay, great, we're in it now, you know, as opposed to is this the right thing? Should we is at the right time? Because you're playing that game it who knows when it would have happened? Um, you know. And so as an improviser, that improviser philosophy of like, I'm at my best when I'm confidently I don't know exactly where I'm going. Here's

my twist on the question. What if you pick up the book and you realize that it's Maven's life, uh, and that you could read ahead for her life, which also would imply that you, you know, you probably find the end of your life in there because you're part of her story. Yeah. I would want to do that because I think reading it would tell me where to place the amulet that she discovers after my death. I knew you're you're holding back at me with that amulet.

I gave you crystals for Christmas. I need I need to be animated so that she can find it when the time is right. You're wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, no one else can You're just quoting the plot of Double Double Toil and Trouble the Ashley. I don't think that's the plot of we watched it the other day.

There isn't that what I have to say about that day, It's like we had I've been saying this month that I'm we're having like crazy synchronicity, but I had, like, truly the we had the weirdest synchronicity that day, which is that we're going to bring our kids to look at this new school which is right by BAM Brooklyn Academy and Music, which is like a movie theater and an actual theater, like, and so we're walking by and I look up and this guy's walking out of BAM

and I was like, I guy looks like Michael Sarah. Oh that's Michael Sarah. And it's just like that's weird, like just randomly, this one morning, we're in Brooklyn, we see this guy. So we're walking by and then I forgot about it. We go to my sister's apartment to give to bring her the kids, and she she watched them for an hour while we were doing other stuff. And she's watching an Olsen Twins movie with our kids,

which is so completely random. But double double Toil and Trouble, Yeah, which she found on Netflix and they're watching it and she was like, yeah, it's so weird. This movie stars at one point a young Michael Sarah and we were like, I can't believe you would bring him up of of all people at all times. Like then, also, I fell over a chair and hit my head and it went bam, and that's why I was like, I know where to

put the ambulance. Uh, thank you, Michael. M Can I just say that I had the best empanat of my entire life. If you're ever near BAM or Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn, find Caesar's Empanadas load truck. Okay, that's not the restaurant across this, you know. It's a food truck right on the corner, a handsome place and near the Apple store. Somebody said to me and I walked back.

I'm like, I'll get when I ate it. And then he was walking down the sidewalk and I took a bite of this and panata and I had to stop and put my phone in my pocket, and I was like, I can't be walking while I eat this. And I just looked at this food as I ate it, and it was just like Oh my god, I'm angry that this is going to end. And it was so fleeting. I'm like, I must have this again, turned back time. I need the book of my life. I need to

I need to flip to go reread that moment. And so then he remembered that somebody he can't remember who caesars And it's all a simulation, you know what I mean? Boy? See that if if somebody, if I started reading the book and realized it was about me, I could not stop reading because I love myself the never ending story. But um, if somebody said, do you want to read a book of your whole life, I'd be like, I know, like me and food. I know you put it in front of me. I'm like, how can I come? I know?

Do not give me that book and being you know what I would do. You better keep that book away from me and those and bananas, and unless there has ours. On my deathbed, I would want to read the full book of Brendan Maven's life on your deathbone. Well, you're in luck because in your life on your life review, after you die, you will look back at your life and see all of that. I don't want to look back.

I want to look forward. Well, you'll understand your life more in the contexts, and they probably get some understanding of what you were sent here to set your kids up for so great And I'd be like, oh, I talked up there, I'm dead. No, because then you'll be dead and you'll probably be able to be like a guide to your kids. You know you when you said the review of your life, I pictured the life review, Life review, I pictures. Suddenly my life was like up

on Amazon, and then people were just writing reviews. They were like, need salt, pretty good, pretty funny, needed salt. That is kind of my review of you. I'm not stuh Beth, you know what I really said as a joke, but I think you wish that I was salt here. I'm a little too sweet for your chase. Sweet. Yeah. Anyway, this has been another week of we know it's parenting.

By pre order the book. There's no man, you all um right now, right now, Amazon are literally wherever you find books, and you know, if you're a nice person and you're in a bookstore and you want to ask them if they're stalking the book, that's cool too, because that encourages people to order copies don't ask them if they're stalking it. You should say, like, you're stalking this book right? Uh, it's a sexy book for parents. Are you not stalking it? Or do you want people to

come into your store every laps? This book slaps. This book slaps. It's like ice cream. You scream, We all scream for kids. Anyway, do you want to send us an email, ask us a question, tend us a would you know scenario, give us some advice. Um, you can email us that we know spot at gmail dot com or leave as a voicemail three four seven three eight four seven, three nine six. Find us on social media Twitter, Instagram, Facebook, and we nos pod. Great review, subscribe and we'll see

you next time. Todd, On to your job