From Setback to Success: Mastering Resilience and Bouncing Back

A lot of P's in there there , and tonight we are live at EYHQ in St Peter's Square in Manchester for our celebration event , where we have got millions of people , quite frankly , all amassed in this wonderful room and on the terrace . We've got them back in now because it's obviously tropical in Manchester this evening as we record .

We've got a stellar panel for you this evening . We're going to start a conversation . We're going to be talking about bouncing back , we're going to be talking about setbacks and resilience , and I am delighted now to introduce you to our wonderful panel , lauren .

So , resilience is the definition of being able to recover quickly right Of setbacks and difficulties , and last week , I've actually now got a new definition of what resilience means . Do we want to hear that . Yeah . So last Friday I had the absolute pleasure of dancing .

Jen , you would have loved it , because we were dancing for 12 hours straight , from 12 noon to 12 midnight . The fabulous Christy Foster is in our wonderful audience tonight . We're doing it to raise money for prevent breast cancer and you're grossing about £27,000 and growing and growing , amazing . Come on , I really would appreciate this .

The resilience came in growing amazing . Come on , come on , come on . I think our audience would appreciate this . The resilience came in so dancing from 12 noon to 12 midnight . At 11pm we lost all power , the music was gone . So what do you do in the face of that adversity ? Prisaka , no .

You just keep dancing , you just keep dancing , and what happened was that , in addition to just keep dancing , you started to sing . So my definition now of resilience is if the music stops , if you're faced with a setback , you just have to keep dancing , and you have to even find a way to keep singing .

So that is my definition and you have to even find a way to keep singing . So that is now my definition . It's amazing . Here at the start of this evening of our celebration event , we round of applause to Jen , sue Markham and the team , who have just literally blown ourselves up , haven't they everyone ?

Yeah , what we think , what we also love on the podcast is like top tips , top tips and takeaways . If you like and also things you can put on the side of a tote bag or a t-shirt . That's kind of what we always like . Sometimes they're very big t-shirts , kelly . What do you think are the ways that people can bring that resilience into their everyday lives ?

And one of the things he used to say when life was hard because he'd lived through the war and he managed to shoot his hand when he was hunting , so he had this awfully crippled hand , but he's a very positive , upbeat person .

When things were hard he used to say to us and those of you who are young might understand this measurement he used to say yard by yard is hard , inch by inch is a cinch . And that's always stayed in my mind and what somebody then later in life said to me one step at a time , you're trying to jump too far . Just take one step at a time .

And I think resilience is built from those everyday things that you do to build yourself up . And when I'm mentoring some of the conversations that we have , it's like , okay , your goal's over here , but that looks really unachievable at the moment and it's really hard getting up every day and saying my goal's over there .

If I get up today and say I'm going to take one step , what's that step that I'm going to do ?

It's the millimetres of kind of change that you can make , and I've kind of I've adopted that because I think you either pull those millimetres , and that's where that change , or that's where so you can be harder on ourselves , can't we have to be tougher , stronger , you know , shoulders back , crack on kind of thing . So I like that , inch by inch .

It's a cinch , it's a cinch . There we go First . T-shirt of the evening . I think . Lauren , our lovely traveller , so many things , so many things . How important do you think it is to work on developing your resilience in order to be successful in anything in life ?

I actually cried today , not because of the job days , but because I saw an old man crossing the street . That was so cute . I literally cry all the time and I think my whole life .

I thought crying meant that I wasn't resilient , because we get told that if you're emotional and if you have an emotional reaction , then you're not . You know , you're not resilient enough enough you're not kind of working towards your goals , you're letting it get to you .

But what I've realized is that for me I need that kind of emotional space to kind of get me through , and that is my like path to resilience .

And so what I did this is a top tip maybe for some other people but I kind of set myself over a time limit or a specific space that I can go to , where I can just be a bit upset if something doesn't go the way I wanted it to go , or if that you know that each by each didn't quite go the way planned , and I'm like right , I'm gonna have a glass

of wine , I'm gonna sit here , I'm gonna wallow for half an hour and then I'm gonna go and meet a friend for a coffee and we're gonna do something nice . And I think we often talk about resilience as being , you know , progressing forwards and forwards and forwards , and we don't think about those setbacks .

And for me it was identifying how to deal with the setbacks that was like really important and that's kind of how I get through .

I'm a small to medium organisation , I think especially being someone who looks like me , who's not traditionally seen in those CEO roles . That's something that I'm really aspiring to do . So , yeah , supporting small to medium nonprofits to grow and expand and , yeah , kind of create new business development opportunities .

So let me show you now . So the first is I look at the purpose and the why of it . So Nelson Mandela said I never lose , I win or I learn . So you don't win or lose , you win or you learn . So what's the purpose ? What is something that we can learn from the setback ?

So I always go there first , and then the second thing I do is I go to perspective . So when you know it's my husband's Royal Navy , but you know most of his career , he was an air ambulance helicopter pilot . So I would come home and tell him about my day and he'd tell me about individuals . He's picked up .

So getting that perspective , so the purpose , the perspective , and then I go into problem solve .

And it's on a scale for me and I have to do one of two things I either have to be persistent and I just need to dig deep and work harder , or I need to just pause and , to your point , take some time out , be extra kind to yourself , reflect and take stock , and it's always a bit of a tug of war between that persistence and that pause , and then the

last thing that I do . The last P is people , and that encompasses everything . And I think , simone , that's what's so special about Modern Power . Women is the people , the network . There are going to be people in your network that you can talk to , that you can reach out to and say I need support . This is what's happened .

I'm going to help , or can you please help me ? So that's what I do with my five P's Purpose , perspective , assistance , pause and control .

I've made poise , I've added poise in there as well . I'm just sort of thinking of dolphins , but that's no poise . But anyway , how do we better ask for help when we're bouncing back for things ? Any top tips for that ?

We just have to find people that have got them , that can help us , and I spent a lot of time in my career not asking for help and getting stuck and perhaps moving on from opportunities rather than taking a pause , reaching out and speaking to people , and I think there's a certain type of person who works in financial services , for instance , with quite

perfectionist , introvert partners don't want to reach out , don't want to speak up . It's really important , and I think from a personal perspective , having that network , having people around you .

If you're having a bad day , what's better than going into the office , finding your name or Adele and saying and straight away you feel better , whereas what we find is people stay at home and stay in their little corner and go oh , I'm having a bad day or just stay at home Actually go out and talk to people and ask for help , and it's amazing where it

comes from . It's almost magical that asking for help it's the thing that I always say to people when they're struggling is who can help ? Who can we talk to ?

So it's kind of putting yourself in the perspective of OK , if somebody came to me and asked that , then what would I do ? And if you ever feel a bit embarrassed about it , just try and think about if somebody approached you you wouldn't think , oh , that's a bit embarrassing , you'd just kind of help them .

But yeah , I think it comes back to you know events like this , making genuine connections , and you talk about the kind of 3-3-3 . Yeah , and I think it's more than just like ticking the boxes of , okay , I need to meet three people .

It's like how can we take things from this and actually meet someone that I want to go and have a coffee with and meet at another event and be like , oh , it's good to see you again . You know that sort of thing , and then you feel good reaching out for help .

That's a very little pass and actually , but then tomorrow tell someone about it , you know tell someone about what you've learned and .

We want to know because actually we're quite proud of what you're doing and what you're part of , and that's all part of actually kind of sharing on . You know sort of that , that knowledge influence . Now you're a sharer , aren't you ?

Still a little bit Now I'm 30 , and it's all about what life's like being in your 20s , because it's a really odd but fun and exciting time of life where you don't really know what you're doing . Some people are buying houses , people are getting married , people are having babies .

I've been away for six months and all those three things have happened with all my friends , people are going to travel for six months and just be like see ya . So you know it's a really interesting time in life , so I write all about that and kind of one of the key themes that runs throughout is resilience .

I lost my job during COVID , like so many people , and it was a really really difficult time to be applying for roles , especially in the voluntary sector , because there's just like no resources , and so I tried to kind of use my own experiences to kind of put out there that you're not alone and it's okay , and I try and find the humour in things to try and

bring back to it doesn't matter if the person next to you has just bought a house , everyone's doing their own thing thing and that's okay . So , yeah , that's what my blog's about . So , if you're interested , gosh , I feel like this is just me promoting myself .

But if you're interested , you can read my blog , but no , I am going to be updating travel stuff as well . So if you just want to know more about that , that would be good as well .

When things maybe , you know , haven't gone the way , you had to really bring that resilience out , that superpower , superpower . So I love that you used that word lesson .

And I think , when I take a step back in my life and I often talk to my 70-year-old self in the future and ask her for advice , and when I'm looking you know talking to myself now and in the future , I recognize that this whole life is a journey and a lesson . And one of my favorite subjects in school was maths , right .

So maybe go through this example with me with your favorite subject , whether it's art or language or history or whatever , so maths . And if we always were doing easy maths , right . So if I was always just doing addition , I'd be very good at getting 100% on those tests .

But as I progressed through maths and those lessons and doing calculus and options and algebra , I was never getting 100% , I was getting maybe 80% , and when you take a step back , and you go actually , life is a journey , life is a lesson . Why would we expect to use the word perfect earlier , like we put a lot of pressure on ourselves ?

Actually , if you're getting 80% in something that is that is incredible . And actually , what can you learn from that 20% ? And it's actually good because it means that there's still stuff out there to learn about yourself and a continuous journey , a work in progress .

So I always use that reference and I think a lot of the times it's really hard to think that you should be getting 100% in life . You just shouldn't , because then it's just boring . You're just doing addition .

So you actually want to be challenging yourself , you want those bumps along the way , you want those lessons , and if you embrace it that way , that's how you get more resilience , because you're looking out for it . You're expecting to get 80% . If you have a day where you get 90% or 100% , you should celebrate .

And if you get a day where you get 0% or 10% and you don't even show up for the test , that's fine too . It doesn't mean you don't know maths , right , you're still doing alright .

So that's how I another tool that I use in perspective , and we have one of- our favourite podcasts within the team is um , remind me , and she talked about progress , not perfection , and we talk about that a lot . You were not paying attention , we're making a sign .

We did a webinar a few weeks ago , available on demand , um , and we saw what imposter syndrome and then I must have been halfway through .

Sometimes we're 100% winging it aren't we , you know so what are your top two , so you're , how do you , how have you winged it ?

So , for example , I'm a trustee of the Greater Kingston Heirs' Charity and the first board meeting I went to I had absolutely no idea what to expect . I didn't know what a trustee meeting was really . I just had a really big background in homelessness .

That's why they invited me along and I just sat there and there was all these big CEOs and business people and they were all talking and they said they said AGM , and they said another one can't remember what it was now and I didn't have a clue what it meant and something in business . There's some business to have any idea what's going on .

And I just remember yeah , this all sounds really nice . Then at the end of the meeting they were like you were quite quiet . I was like , yeah , I didn't really know what was going on . To be quite honest , we couldn't tell it was . You know , in the face you look like you knew what was going on .

So I think I've learned from that experience is that it's okay sometimes you are going to be in positions where you feel overwhelmed , you feel like you don't deserve to be there , and it's okay to either ask for help or just put your hand up and be like I'm lost , don't know what's going on here is it okay if we just go back to you know the basics ,

because I don't know what's happening , and I think it's really important that if you're in a room and you notice that there's somebody in there who maybe feels a little bit uncomfortable or isn't traditionally in those spaces , if you could be an ally in making sure that they're part of the conversation and ask them , because if that person in the room would have

asked me halfway through the meeting , I would have said I don't know what's going on , but because they didn't ask me till the end , I then lost that whole meeting worth of you know , valuable input that I could give . So I think it's a two-way thing .

We're always going to be in rooms and in meetings that we feel overwhelmed in , and so put yourself in that other person's perspective when you're in the influential position and I think that's what I really try and do through work is whenever I'm in rooms with non-profits or people with different types of lived experience is making sure that everyone contributes and

you can kind of listen to everyone's perspectives . Otherwise we're never going to progress and we're never going to change the way of things and everything's always going to look the same .

What did you learn along the way about resilience and sort of probably some of the situations that Lauren's been in ? You've been at that table you like , but it's a very kind of heavy sort of situation . How did you use your own personal super resilient powers ?

I think I kept quiet a lot of the time , so I think think there was a lot of being in a room where you couldn't understand something and not feeling like you were saying what was going on .

I think what I've learnt as well from our new male allies which is really helpful is that a lot of men feel like that as well , and I didn't know that at the time . so I thought it was a female-specific experience , but it wasn't . It was somebody that wasn't comfortable in that room and didn't feel able to speak up .

So the inclusion or the exclusiveness wasn't just happening to me , it was happening to other people . So I think I've learned to be very self-reliant . I think I've learned to ignore a lot of things , which is actually quite useful .

I think I learned to put up and shut up for a long time and not to ask for help , um , and it's interesting now to see the progress that we're making and it's really refreshing to be able to have these conversations and to kind of break that down .

So I'm sure that does happen in some environments still , but I talk to a lot of friends , colleagues , young people and I think that environment is breaking down . I think there is still work to do . But , yeah , I learned to be quiet and I learned to put up with a lot of things , but maybe in retrospect I shouldn't have done it .

Can you explain , macho ?

And then C is capture the confidence . And Foster Seymour's right . So how can men actually support women and actually capture that confidence that we all have ? H is harmony with home , so I do not use the term work-life balance .

I have one son who's now 18 , and when he was little got into a whole bunch of trouble with my mental health because I was trying to do work-life balance , so I now call it work-life harmony . So how can you be harmony with home ? And then O is the most important one , where it's orchestrate opportunities .

How can you actually orchestrate those opportunities for everybody in your team ? And it all comes together in this framework and it might feel like we are trying to move a mountain to David and I , but there's more 4250 CEOs today called John who are women .

Emily would not be happy with that stat , but what I'm trying to do with me defining that show is actually give each man a pebble and just move it one step or two and actually use this framework to have better diversity and equity in our culture .

Whether it by taking the time to pause , whether it be to be around friends , whether it be to read a book , you need to figure out what that is for you and personally and then make sure you take time to do it Rebecca .

So I was born here in the , moved over to Canada and we chose and we made the decision to move back eight years ago and I often think that in life you can choose either a straight road that's really quite easy , or you can choose a much more interesting road that might have some bumps and potholes and twists and turns .

But if you choose that road and you're aware you've obviously chosen that road , but always go , do the straight road . But to choose the path that you're aware you've obviously chosen that road , but always go , do the straight road . But to choose the path that you're on because that's your life . You only get one life .

If anyone has a job for our fantastic Lauren okay , no mediocre nonsense here . It's got to be great , but massive thanks . So much to take away . I want to thank all of you , thank Thank all of our listeners out there . Thank you . Please keep the conversation going . This is not about just keeping things on the pod or in one room .

Please join us in all of our social medias on wearepowernet and NPWAwards . Please keep the conversation going . My name is Simone . This is the we Are Power podcast and what goes on media Production . Please keep the conversation going . My name is Simone . This is the we Are Power podcast . To walk us on media production .