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It's not just about keeping the lights on, it's about keeping everything secure. Hey y'all, it's your girl Kiki Palmer and let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. If you're ready for that new year, new mindset energy, you've got to tune into baby. This is Kiki Palmer. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out new year, new mindset on the Wondery app.
What happens? Watch what Krabbit. Watch what Krabbit. Who cares what happens when there's so much Krabbit? Happens when there's so much that happens Hello, and welcome to Watch What Crap Ends, a podcast about all that crap on Bravo that we just love to talk about. I'm Ben Mandelker, and joining me today is the sweet and lovable Ronnie Karam. Hi, Ronnie. How are you? Well, aren't you a little crackerjack?
You know, I'm feeling like a Cracker Jack and, you know, maybe have a little present inside me. We are here today to talk Below Deck Down Under. Before we get into that, a gentle and sweet reminder that you only have until Friday to watch. the replay of the Golden Crappies. And we highly recommend it. It was a great show full of laughter and singing and dancing and special guests. It really was a wonderful career highlight, I would actually say. So go check that out. That's crappins.com.
I'm sorry, crappens.kizweed.com. Just go to watchacrappens.com. That's where you'll find it. So go check that out. It's a wonderful, wonderful stream. They did a great job. Everyone online has been saying it's actually the best our live stream has ever looked. So thanks to Kizweed for that.
Um, also we have, you know, we have a little bit of a break before we go back out on the road, but then in March we're doing, we're going bonkers. Okay. We're going to Cincinnati, Minneapolis, Toronto, Charlotte, Atlanta. D.C. and Philadelphia, home of the Super Bowl-winning Eagles. So maybe Saquon Barkley will come to our show. Who knows? You never know. Either way...
That probably will not happen, but you can come to our show and we will have a great time. So watch what happens.com for all those tickets. And then of course, Patreon, you can watch us on video. Hello, people on video. Crap is on demand. And bonus episodes of The Traders, which who doesn't love The Traders? Anything I missed, Ronnie? Did I get it all? No, your neck looks so strong. Does it?
I can tell. Yeah, you have cartoonishly strong legs. Wait, let me move this. No. This? You know why? Yeah, it looks good. It looks so toned and strong. It's only because this t-shirt is like, I actually sewed this t-shirt and I stretched the neck by accident when I was sewing it. So I think it makes everything look kind of like, Oh my God, make me one. You look, I will. You look like Gaston.
Or Gaston, as they would say on Southern Charm. Oh my god, this does look really good now that I see it. Yeah, it looks good. Yeah, you go, boy. Hey, bro. Hey, bro. I gotta define that. I can hug you by the way. By the way, Summer House is returning this week. So excited. Summer House is coming back. And guess what? The Denise Richards show is coming up soon. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that.
It's going to be good. All right, let's get to Below Deck Down Under. Now, this is one of those episodes where you have to remind yourself, this takes a few episodes, right? I don't know who these people are.
Who are these people? What are they talking about? Why aren't they're crazy people? Also, Below Deck Down Under, I feel I'm just going to say it, guys. It's maybe controversial. Just kidding. It's not at all. I think Below Deck... deck down under should stay on small boats and i think below deck sailings should stay on small boat and i think the other ones should have bigger boats i like below deck down under smaller i don't like this big production on below deck i like it smaller and crazier
I like, you know, I never thought about that. I do like the idea that below classic blow deck should have the biggest boat, but I don't know blow deck down under has been so good. I think they've deserved a big, I think they've earned their big boat. So I'm actually okay with it.
um i love the addition of a sous chef like that every time we go to a scene down in the kitchen it is just so awkward for like i cringe like it's giving me a different energy than i've had on below deck before like normally it's always like oh do your job or oh my god
You're a bad leader. But the chef and sous chef situation going on, I just tense up every time we go to that. And I really like that. That's a nice touch for me. Yeah, I like it too. I just want it to be on a smaller boat because I like more of a... fly-by-night operation on these shows, you know, kind of making it up. It's more community theater vibes. Would you have preferred this to have been on a boat that used to be a Japanese trawler back in the 70s? Yeah, you see?
That there, that's classic. Now, by the way, I have to give a shout out because we often talk about the turtle that they show, they cut to inevitably on this show. They do a lot of marine life on Down Under. you know what i think we have a new star i'm not saying it's replacing i know who you're talking about you know oh yes it's the more i'm going to steal it from you it's the eel it's a eel
You guys, that is the cutest eel I've ever seen. Like, I've never wanted to hug an eel before, but I totally want to hug an eel. He is so cute. And he is fabulous, too. That extended shot of him coming out of his hole and just going up and just rising up, you know, I was like... Slowly, he's like taking his time. I'm like...
They had one where he was in a sitcom from the 80s where they were like, Eel, it's your turn. And then he just turned to the camera. He did. His mouth was open. He was like... He's like the Rip Taylor of Eels. He's like, hi. Guys, that is the cutest thing. And then, do you know how sometimes I feel like I'm psychic? And so, like, I'm always looking for science. Ben knows this. I'm ridiculous with it. But this was one of those moments. And also, I'm reading a Western right now that's so brutal.
Like everybody just dies. And so it makes you think about like, how will I die? And so I saw that eel and I was like, you know, one of my fears used to be getting eaten by eels. I would love to get eaten by this eel. So I imagined myself just getting eaten by this eel. And I was just like giggling the whole. time because he's just so cute while he eats me
Yeah, it's got these, if I remember correctly, it sort of had some spots. I mean, it was just like a classic moray eel. And just, you know, it had that like Mr. Roper face, but somehow it's like cute in this context. And yeah, he didn't have this. No. you know what? He didn't, he, I was going to say Mr. Furley, but you're right. It was Mr. Roper, that little smile. Oh my God. He totally has Mr. Roper face. And we have to find, we have to find pictures of him.
Maybe he is, you know, he's not Rip Taylor. He's honestly just Rip. He's just Stanley. Stanley Roper. Stanley Roper, yeah. Stanley! And the turtle can be Mrs. Roper, you know? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Then we have to figure out who the rest of the cast is. Well, that may be a seasoned endeavor. I don't know. No one's really made a splash. There was a parrotfish that had a moment, but only because it was called out. Someone was like, there's a parrotfish. Yeah, and you know who I'm saying?
of the fucking drama queen stingrays. Stingrays are everywhere. And there's such, you know, like you murdered Steve Irwin. Like, I can't. Yeah. And like, I'm not going to like come to this show where we're glamorizing stingrays. Okay. I'm not going to have it. They really are just, you know, the stingrays are kind of like Larry.
on Three's Company. They are. They're just always coming in uninvited. They're always around. But never really adding to the entertainment value of the show. It's like, go back to the legal eagle. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are we going to really start this off with some Larry slander? Larry was amazing. What are you talking about? You love Larry? I love Larry. Yeah. Really? I always love Larry. He was like fine, but like he was no Janet. He was no Chrissy. He was no Terry.
No, here's why Larry was great. Because he wasn't fine at all. But in his mind, he was so fine. And he was all about picking up the chicks. And his shirt was always unbuttoned down to his belly button. But he's gross. He's just so gross. And I think that that's the first time I really understood. you know that i was a little kid when that came out and that was the first time i really ever understood the concept of like even ugly
straight white guys fail upward just because of confidence, you know? I never really learned confidence, but still, it was always a goal, you know, because of you, Larry. Larry really proved a lot of things to us. He taught us a lot of things. Did they go to the Legal Eagle or was it the Legal Beagle, by the way? I said Legal Eagle. The Regal Beagle. The Regal Beagle. But Legal Eagle was a movie with Deborah Winger.
Thank you. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. From roughly the same era, a little bit after, but okay. Thank you. Yeah. So by the way, if you're driving in your car right now and you're wondering, why am I listening to this? Um, here's your answer. I don't know. Okay, so let's start. We start with Serena, who's downstairs with her sous chef, Anthony. And Anthony has just basically told her off.
in his way he's like we could be working harder together we could be working harder together and she's like okay well do you want to be more involved in stuff and he's like yeah for sure she's like okay well Would you be excited if you got to go and do the beach lunch today? How would that sound for you? And she's really leaning into her Ruth Buzzy face. Have you noticed? Yeah. I want her to beat him over the head with a purse. Yeah, you know what? That is...
Have we never observed that she really is just Ruth Buzzi? This really is an episode of 70s stars, isn't it? This old man talking. It's old men talking about below tech. It's our new era. We're just old bastards. That's all. Who here is Maureen Stapleton? Yeah. So, he's like, okay, I can do it. She goes, and then
I can just crack on. He's like, okay, okay, fine. So then the skeevy guest, all these guests are like old dudes with like young hot women. A couple of them still maintain their like same age wives, but you know, they're on their way out. I feel bad. There's one woman who I'm like, you're way too old for that guy. He's about to cut you and go switch you out for a 25-year-old who likes anal beads. Sorry. It's just how it happens.
Yeah, these were definitely some trashy people. So this guy's like, well, you and I are going to go fuck right here. And she's like, oh my God, you have your microphone on? He's like, yeah, it's right. I don't care how many cameras are looking. I'm like, well...
We don't want to see that. And thankfully, we didn't actually have to. I know, but that's why he's there. It's like he paid to go on a TV to prove to the world that his wiener still works. And if it worked that well, you wouldn't need that many toys. Or steroids. Pointing out the obvious. Hey, wait a minute. No, that guy's definitely on steroids. Hey, I put testosterone in my butt. Oh, I'm going to tell you what? It doesn't do anything.
I mean, I maybe get two more boners a month. I don't know what everybody's on about putting testosterone in your butt. That didn't make me any manlier. I just love that ever since we went to London, you've come back and you always say, I don't know what they're on about. It's like this funny little Britishism that you say. Really? Quite a bit, actually. Yes. I've never said that before.
Maybe you did, but I just only have noticed it relatively recently that you'll be like, and what is she on about? Well, I think I've said it a long time because I was raised in my adulthood, my young adulthood by absolutely fabulous. So that came a long time before.
for but yeah i don't know what they're on about with that testosterone in your butt because everyone's like oh my god you're going to feel like such a man it's going to change your life it didn't do now granted making me feel like a man is a tall order i have to say i think yeah i think they're only legally allowed to put so much that's inside of me, but I got it tested and they were like, well, your testosterone is normal. And I was like, but why am I still, why do I still just want to like...
I don't know, cry to commercials and not get wieners. They're like, I don't know. Can't help you. You're beyond our help, sir. Some things testosterone can't fix, you know? So then Harry is, um, he's, he's with Brianna. Brianna's the, I think the girl from New Jersey, the redhead. And he's like, let's make some beds. Um, and she's like, all right, bed making one-on-one a super y'all. And he's like, is this the butt plug room?
and she's like no no no it isn't and he's like good cause I need gloves in that room I'm not touching anything in that room loosen up a little Harry Literally. Yeah, come on. Get out of those budgie smugglers and put on some boxers. Loosen up. Yeah, you're like 22 and you're skinny. You should be trying more things.
Yeah. So, uh, meanwhile, Anthony is, um, talking about making crew lunch and doing, he wants to make focaccia sandwiches. And Zarin is like, no bread like that. He's like, no focaccia she's like no jason wants like fresh fish and salads and stuff like that and he's like all right fine whatever he like clearly wanted to make a splash with focaccia
Yeah, he was like, this is my big moment to show off my focaccia skills. And she shot that right down. So she's like, I know where you're coming from. Really, I do. I'm so sorry about that. Just no focaccia. And he's like, okay, so. So you're not going to do any prep up at all for this barbecue? She's like, no, no, I'm going to help you. I'm going to anything you need. I'm just not going to the beach. She goes, what's your position in it to make the crew food?
excuse you you just asked for more responsibility and the second exactly look how you act you act like she's like sloughing off and giving you her fucking work You're a little backbiting shithead, Anthony. He is. Because he was right, he was not being utilized properly last episode. But now she's like, okay, well, you can go and cook for the guests on the beach. And now all of a sudden he's like, well, that's your job. I mean, get over yourself. Yeah.
She's like, she's like, I'm not making you do my job at all. I asked if you'd like it. He goes, no, I'm happy to. I actually love to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, no, if you'd like to go to the beach, but I'm not, if you'd like to go to the beach, they go to the beach, but I'm not going to cook for anything like that. I was going to complete.
prepare you and send you on your way and then like i want you to come and have some fun she's basically like i i i'm still gonna do the cooking you're gonna execute it so relax Yeah, and she's like, I'm not making you do my job. Don't worry. And he tells us, well, I'm not trying to attack.
Serena here, but suddenly I'm going from there in the dishwasher to doing beach canapes, and it's a bit weird. You asked for more, and she's giving you more. Stop your bitching. I mean, talk about somebody with too much testosterone up their butt. It's this one.
Fragile man, really. I knew the moment that this guy walked in talking about, oh, he's worked under a Michelin star person and then seeing that he has to like... you know cook under a woman who is not a michelin star i knew he was oh god do you know how many do you know how many talented people i've worked under yeah yeah many many A hot beef injection does not a Nobel Peace Prize win, okay, sir?
So she's like, I'm just giving you this opportunity. So don't stomp around in my galley like a three-year-old. All right. So then Jason is looking for Lara, but she's changing. And she's going to be with the guests. And so Serena checks with Lara, who is still crying. Okay, they show Lara crying in this.
It's like a 20-minute segment of Laura crying. Laura, you are not cut out for this if you are going to cry for 20 damn minutes. There is no crying in Chief Stewing, ma'am. Okay? Yeah. If you're going to cry, make it quick. Fucking A, man. This is too long. Do you know how much? There's only been one episode. How did they even have that much to edit in of her Reasons for Crying?
Yeah, I'm surprised because I remember on Classic Blow deck, there was that one, I forget her name. Was it like Claire or Agnes or something like that? She was on for like, she was right after Kate left. whatever her name was and she there was like a horrific first chart of the guests were terrible and then she had totally inept stews she had that stew that's created mustard gas what that one episode so like
And I remember she just broke after that first episode. She started crying. But I didn't feel like there was... There was definitely chaos happening last episode, for sure. There was timing issues and going up and down those stairs, etc. I did not think it was like a...
a sob worthy moment but she sobbed and they made it dramatic they made like the sound of her heartbeat and they're like oh my god Lara Lara all the pressures on Lara and then Zarina comes in and just is like oh they even showed her but they even showed like one of the memories
like she's sobbing because she didn't know to have spoons and then serena said could you put spoons on a tray and take them down and she's like that's not fine dining and that was one of her reasons for the breakdown i was dying watching that i thought it was so good you know all she needs is to go to a Starbucks with a supportive barista who puts things like this on their cup. You rock. You rock. I saw that and I was like, thanks!
That was so nice. Did you tell them your name is you rock though? You're like, my name is you rock. You're like, you kind of like, but they accidentally. Their printer was broken. And so they printed me twice and they made me two of the same drink. And I was like, oh, I didn't order two. And she said, well, it's your lucky day because our printer broke. So you get two. And so I was like, oh, so I took them, you know, because I'm... I don't...
piss on manna from heaven. I put it in my knapsack. And so I took it. And then I noticed this one said, you rock. And then I was like, oh my gosh, I wonder if the other one says something. And the other one said, you're so special. And I was like, you know what? I feel less special now that you're just writing this on every cup. You know what I mean?
What the fuck? Thanks a lot for making me just feel like some John, some random John. I know, it's like too much praise, actually. Too much praise for a fragile gay, you know, ego, you know. Like we can't take so much before we're like, that's now we're not special anymore. By the way, that being said, Lara crying was a disappointment. But other than that, I actually really like Lara a lot.
because she is a perfectionist. And I love a Chief Sue who's a perfectionist because A, they're more neurotic, and B, I love when they are, it usually means that they're meaner to their... They're stews. And we see a little bit of it later today, which is like, that's not how it's done in yachting. And I was like, oh, I love that passive aggression. So, so far, like I'm actually pretty pro Lara.
Well, the thing is perfection. People who talk about how much of a perfectionist they are, are always fucking things up. Have you noticed that? There's never someone who's like, I'm such a perfectionist. This is actually perfect. They're always fucking up, and that's why I like it. Also, I like her because she has very insecure eyebrows. And what I mean by that is she does the thing where you put them on with the match.
marker, but they're not quite right. And so now she's stuck with them. And I think that your eyebrows say a lot about you. And I think she's got very terrified eyebrows. So I'm all for her. also she has disdain on her face at all times and that's really my number one qualifying you know like characteristic for me to really enjoy you as a chief stew disdain yeah we love some disdain yeah for sure it's time for a commercial
It's time for a Crappin's commercial. Hey, y'all. It's your girl, Kiki Palmer. And let me tell you, we're kicking off this new year with a whole new mindset. You know how everyone's all about new year, new me. Well, baby, this is Kiki Palmer. We're taking it to a whole other level. We're talking new year, new perspectives. And honey, it's going to change your life.
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Catch it on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. And for the full experience, head to my YouTube channel. If you're looking for more podcasts to help you tend to your well-being, check out New Year, New Mindset on the Wondery app. Let's make this year our best one yet, baby. UFO lands in Suffolk, and that's official, said the News of the World.
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So, we get Lara's monologue, and guess what, you guys? You're gonna be shocked. So she's like, I'm a bit hard on myself. A bit too much of a perfectionist. And I think it maybe comes from... Wait for it. Trying to impress my dad. Oh, for fuck's sake. Dad's out there. Could you do better? I mean, Jesus Christ. Bad fathers are like a factory for reality stars.
Like, they just pump out so many bat, I mean, so many neurotic reality stars. Get it together, dads. Now I know why she was crying, because, like, cut to a flashback, Hope Float style, where she's like, Daddy, Daddy, I brought you a fork and a knife. i needed a spoon that's it i'm leaving you and your mother and she's just standing on the street as the car drives away like daddy daddy
You just see something fly out the side window and hit her on the forehead and it clinks to the ground and it's a spoon. I thought I could get over that trauma, but I just relive it every charter. So, she talks about how her parents divorced when she was three.
And her dad remarried. And this lady already had three children. And she's like, you know, he basically found a replacement family and dumped us, which is so sad. But you're also entering onto Below Deck where they're going to dump you and get a new chief student. next year too so it's like i don't know stop the cycle you know what i mean yeah
She's gone from an impermanent family situation to an impermanent lamb situation. Now she's just always out in the world. She's out there with a Sharpie, just trying to do her eyebrows once every six months. fucking it up by a couple of inches and then it's all goes to hell after that.
so zarina's in there right now because she actually wants to go to the bathroom but now she's consoling lara and lara's like my personal standards are dropping and i hate that i mean that's what's kidding me because i've worked so hard to get to where i am but who knew sauces need spoon
Oh, God, I'll never get it right. So Serena comes in and she just hugs her, you know, and I think that's a sweet friend who doesn't hug her. I'm not a good friend because I would be hugging you going, that's okay. Just remember a spoon next time. Just remember a spoon. Like I'd still be kind of sticking it in there. But Serena doesn't. She just hugs her and stays quiet.
Yeah. Well, I did like she had like a tray or something and she just starts to fan. She fans Lara like, all right, let's let's fan these tears away. No need to cry over the fact that you forgot to put out a spoon. Only one of the most. basic utensils out there okay i'm gonna go to the bathroom oh you just went to the bathroom before me great great yeah so then um harry is working on cabins a lot which is nice and um
I think he's flirting with Brianna. So then he goes to the beach with Weehan. And Harry's like, so organized chaos. It's all right. Everything's all right. And he's like, what did you have to do this morning? Bids? Pants, I did pants. It was so amazing. I never got to the butt plug room though. God, I hope I don't have to go there. I feel myself clenching in anticipation.
and then we on is like well i'm so glad that you can take initiative and do your thing because laura's really stressed i'm like wow is this a bosun who's like happy that someone from the deck The crew actually helped out the interior. This doesn't make sense. He's never going to last. Oh, but he's a guy from Beefcakes.
The most sensitive guys in the world. That's my favorite thing about him. I forgot about that. He used to work at a place called Beefcakes. That's right. So then Serena is talking to Sue Anthony and... She's like, well, I think we should do all the salads as raw and fresh and light. And he's like, perfect, perfect. I mean, there's quite a bit of fat on there, isn't it? Like, you know, you're prepping some steaks there. It looks like quite a bit of fat. So...
Way to go against your own rules. He's like, all right, I'll just do it on the barbecue. So then Lara goes to the beach and Marina is serving the guests before they go. And so Jassy, who is one of the guests, is like, hey, so your experience on yachts. And now, ladies and gentlemen, act two of the Below Deck.
childhood trauma olympics begins it's an olympics game that's also a performance so it's an act two of the olympics so marina is like yes i've been working three and a half years now in the industry and i'm working to become a chief stew like the chief of the department it's a gorgeous place So it's not so bad, honestly. And now she tells the story of life in the favela. Yeah, so she wants to make her family's life easier because she grew up in a very humble house and they always lived...
rent by rent. And when they couldn't afford the rent, They would go to the next place to rent. And it was tough. Grandpa was in a wheelchair because he had a disease. The dad left. So grandma had to work two or three jobs. She took care of the whole family. And then we see... And then she says... Her, her mom, and 13 cousins. I mean, that's crazy. Y'all get a job. Why is the grandma doing it? Jesus Christ. And they show her mom. Her mom looks perfectly fine. What was her mom doing?
you know also like wear a condom i'm just gonna put that out there like that's a lot of kids for grandma to have to support okay sorry it's just a lot poor grandma man and but this is really sweet because she just wants to save up her money to get grandma a house Well, I hope that you know that you're the person who gets all the grandma's money because that would suck if you did that. And then your grandma left everything to your mom who wouldn't even get a job to support her.
According to you. I'm worried that Marina's going to get fucked over by her grandma. I know that grandma's supposed to be the hero of the story, but I'm like, Marina, she's fucking you over. It's all a trick. Marina, run! I would love it if this entire story were false. Like Marina were just like a huge liar and had this story about like, like grandma, my 13 cousins, then grandma had to do it all. Grandpa was in the wheelchair. And then it turns out she's from like Costa Mesa.
Orange. Yeah. Yeah. She's like from a really rich single dad in Costa Mesa. She's fine. She's fine. So then, um, Yeah, she's just a huge grifter. I would love that. But I like that she's a small-time grifter because she's like, I'm going to grift my way up the yachting hierarchy. Yes. So we have two cliches so far, which is we have the I'm a yachty because daddy left and we have a I'm a yachty because I just want to get a house for my for my mom or my grandma.
Those are like two standard ones. And because daddy left. And because dad left. And daddy left. Not to be mean about that, but it is part of both stories. Yeah. I mean, look, it's just what it is in yachting. And of course, we're waiting for our trifecta. which, as we know, will be inevitably a child in Florida somewhere. Or Alaska. Can't wait to see who it is. Who has a child? Somebody has a child somewhere, yeah. For sure. I'm doing a tool for my child. Leon? Yeah.
Do you think it's Vian? I'm going to say Vian. Vian has a child somewhere, and he's doing this all for his child. Yeah, he has, like, sad I miss my child face, for sure. He's got, like, kind of a sadness in his eyes. Like, I have a daughter somewhere. And I'm ignoring her right now, which means she'll grow up to be a chief stew wannabe.
dun dun dun the cycle below deck the cycle continues all right so harry is talking to laura and he's like how's the interior and she's like oh i mean they're really good he goes okay well who's first and who's second give me the tea girl And she's like, well, I haven't appointed anyone yet, but Marina definitely does have more experience because it's a small team and she also has a grandma story. So, but I don't know. I don't want to become, you know, hierarchy.
Yeah, and how about the chicas? How you feeling about the chicas, Harry? That's girls, Harry. I know you're looking at me with strange eyes. Girls. It means girls. I don't know. We'll see. It's too early. You need to talk to them properly, you know? Get to know the ins, the outs, the wants, the needs sort of thing. Yeah, probably. Poor Harry. Yeah, poor Harry. Harry doesn't have any game. He hooked up with someone last time, right? But didn't he cry a lot? I felt like Harry cried in bed a lot.
He tried with Margot, you know, and he was like, really, he was crushing on Margot and they sort of had a thing, but she wasn't really feeling it. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's going to be Harry's journey in life. so then um now the food is um uh the food is going on to the tender or whatever and we han is is it we had our vihan vihan vihan vihan
I'm like, V-Han? V-Han is talking about steak and everything. And they're talking stuff, food and steak and beach picnics and stuff. And then Johnny is saying... johnny is the guy from greece and he's like first first impressions matter most and mine it was not so good but i want to show the rest of the team my leadership in i'll be the lead deckhand a boat of katina so
I don't know. You know what? I kind of liked Johnny this episode. Last episode, I was like, fuck this guy, this arrogant motherfucker saying he's the lead deck. And what a fucking asshole. But now he's like humbled. And now he's kind of sweet. And I like him again. And by again. Yeah, I mean.
Yeah, he's cute. I feel like he's just a road rage person. He's the kind of person you just don't want to cut off on accident. You know what I mean? Like, he'll follow you to the marshals and threaten to beat the shit out of you. He's just that guy. He's clearly toxic. But I'm kind of beguiled by him this episode for no good reason. Yeah, but so are cigarettes. And I love those things. I love a lot of toxic things. So bring it on. So Laura is like...
Wait, who's Lara? Hold on, let me think. So she's talking about meat. She's talking about meat with Anthony, the sous chef. And she's like, so the meat is ready? I mean, the meat's going to be ready when they're ready? And he's like, yeah, I'm just sitting here. I was cooking through pretty quick. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. You know, I've worked under lots of big people. You know, I've got a butt tattoo that says Emerald on it. So make of that what you will.
so she's like okay well what's and what is this kind lamb chop she's like oh Okay. So she serves it and a strawberry balsamic salad and lamb and salmon, whatever. And so Anthony is telling us, I've always been a bit of a food snob. When I was growing up, my mom would cook a big meal and I'd be like, this is delicious, but maybe a little.
bit more seasoning there so you're a little prick you're a little you're a little asshole little snot that's what she was shit little brat yeah you would have been an orphan if i was your mother
Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, I do think me and Zarina have different approaches to being a yacht chef. I mean, hers may be a bit more chaotic. Mine may be a bit more structured and rigid, but my meticulous nature just comes from being passionate about food. Like something's not right. I'll remember that.
And I put it back in my head so you know that there's something really satisfying about like serving something perfectly seasoned, like a perfectly balanced, beautiful looking dish, you know? Like, okay. Yes, we like our perfectly seasoned food, but like, please don't make that your personality. Yeah, also, just like make my steak.
You know what I mean? Yeah, just make the steak. Just do it. Yeah, get off the toe shoes. Like, for fuck's sake. And also, if ever I want to hear a backstory, it's his mother's. I want to hear his mother's, like, here I was, working 30 jobs just to make him happy. And I'd make him a potato and he'd say, wench, this is unacceptable. Throw it against my face and then make me start all over again. To this day, I still don't know how to make a proper bag of potato.
And by the way, you don't win an award because you like your food seasoned. Okay, congratulations. It's called being a human being. Wow, you like salt. ever since i was a little kid i always liked my food to be properly seasoned really wow what an innovation you know what i don't like i don't want my food to be properly seasoned i don't like that that's amazing that you like that um Can I just tell you something? I'm so sorry that I keep bringing up this stupid Western that I'm reading.
It is so dark, Ben. Yes. Here's what happens. Okay. It's just so brutal. Every page is like them getting into some skirmish and everybody dying. Okay. That's the whole thing. It's a Western. So they're like the... the enemy started a fire and burned all of our people. And all of our people were trying to jump over a cliff to not die from the fire. And basically, I didn't jump over the cliff, but I hung onto a tree or something, so I didn't die. But then when I got back up...
There was a horse and it was fried. So I ate it. I just chopped into it and I started eating the horse. That's the whole thing. They just keep going through and just like killing something and just biting right into it. So when I hear this guy, I'm like, wow. So when we get to this, I'm like, wow, we're so lucky that we have salt. I know we really are lucky. I mean,
Salt's been around for a while because you could just go to the ocean. I think they had salt too, but I don't think they always had it on them. Like they didn't have a dough. You know what I mean? They definitely didn't have salt readily available. If you're in the middle of the country, if you're in Lonesome Dove Land, which I assume is somewhere between Texas and Montana, isn't that the whole story that they're... Well, this one's Texas and Mexico, but yeah. I'm reading the whole four...
I'm reading the whole four book thing. So it started in Texas and they're on their way to Mexico. I thought it was one book. That's a lot of doves. Not so lonesome anymore. I read for like three hours and then it's like, you're 1% of this book. Oh my God, I can't take it. This is too brutal, but I can't put it down. You're reading it on the plane and I looked over to look at the page.
Cause I was curious to see what like a slice of lumps and dove was like. And I was like, there was some guy who had like two names. It was like Bose Dexter or something like that. Do you know who I'm talking about? It was like Bose or Bose boat boat boat. it was like bo dean bodine said we gotta go yonder and then it was like and then muriel said but what about what about the the fried horse or whatever and i was like
Was there someone named Bodine? Bo something? No. There's someone named Carl. Yes. I saw a lot of Carl. And there's like Longface Bill and Bigfoot Bob or something. There was definitely someone who had two names. And then there's Matilda the whore. Matilda the whore is my favorite because she's just like her opening scene. They basically take a hooker around with them so that they have somebody to please them or whatever while they're, you know.
ranger in and uh matilda is like a big girl and her first scene is just being naked in the river and she catches a snapping turtle and stabs it and eats it for breakfast and i was like that's my favorite kind of horse a turtle a turtle catching snapping turtle
cats and whore. And let me tell you, I'm a thousand pages in and Matilda's still with us. So that's great. She made it longer than anybody else. And guess who didn't talk about any daddy issues? Matilda by the tail. Yeah. I guess you didn't complain about seasoning. You need that snapping turtle. Let me tell you something. Listen, if you're going to take on a snapping turtle, that is impressive because those things, they will bite your fingers off.
Yeah, they're monsters. Anyway, I'm sorry to go into Lonesome Dove, you guys. My point was seasoning. We should be grateful. So shut up. Shut up, sea chef. That's my point. Okay, so then Jason checks on Serena, and she, you know, he's like, how you doing?
Is this shot of going for you? And I like that she tries not to throw that little shithead under the bus because she totally could have. And she didn't. She's like, you know, I mean, he's great. He's great. Let me tell you, he's fantastic. The only thing is I'm... Obviously, just so blunt that maybe sometimes when I say stuff, he thinks like it's a confrontation and it's not really a confrontation. So Jason is seeing this as like, well, she's difficult.
And she makes her own problems. So I gave her a sous chef this year. So good luck. yeah exactly and she's like whatever i mean like it's just it just seems you know i mean it's going to be difficult especially because you know i look like this so obviously it's distracting and jason's like uh-huh all right we're still doing those jokes okay got it
So now the guests come back from their beach thing because they're going to go on a submarine tour on an adorable, smiling, red submarine that's so cute on the top and then down on the bottom is basically like... a coffin, but that's okay.
So Marina is saying, you know, when your boss allows you to go on excursions with the guests, sometimes this is a real test to see if you can handle about going above and beyond. And, you know, I want to be Lars, Laura's right hand. So I'm going to be here for. whatever she needs, just like grandma. And I will not be able to sleep, take a shower or eat, but YOLO, at least I get to go on tiny, tiny cramped submarine. Excited for that, I guess.
So then Vian is talking about how he wants his deck team rested. And yesterday was a massive day. First day of charter, working in the sun all day. However, I understand where Jason is coming from. Jason can be rested. assured this won't be happening again by the end of the season we're going to be best friends beefcake to beefcake oh wow um uh vian seems like uh
pretty good manager so far. I'm like, he's nice. He's happy when his team helps out at the interior. He wants to make sure they're rested. Now he's like, oh, I will never make this mistake again and I'm going to work on our friendship. Now, what mistake did he make? The guy floated away without a radio? No, but he had his crew sleep in a little bit instead of being up. Oh, okay. So he'll be awful. I know we'll see some...
I'm just enjoying him now while we still think he's nice. So then Zarina's asking Anthony about the beach and he says that they seemed happy. And she says, all right, well, the menu for tonight is Cowboys and Cowgirls Hoedown, Lonesome Dove style. And there's going... to be a beef chili a vegan chili jacket potatoes a snapping turtle and a lobster platter yeah and um he's like well wait a minute how does lobster come in it's like because they bought safe and turf
you know oh surf and turf okay fine fine then so it's a surf and turf hoedown lighten up because oh okay so that's surf and turf then and then she's like yeah i mean like duh if i'm having a hoedown i always want myself and i don't know what you do she's like trying to make jokes and trying to like kind of
you know, be like funny or whatever. And he's like, he's like, he's kind of trying to banter with her. But also like what sucks is that you can see like, honestly, a male chef would not have to. make this banter to try to like win over the the sous chef the male chef would be like
Just do this. But this is what sucks. I am getting on a soapbox because I do think it's much harder for women in cooking and restaurants. And it's fucked up. It's bullshit. He should just be giving her respect because she She's his boss and that's it. She shouldn't have to be sitting here trying to endure herself to him.
Right, but I think that's the thing, because you said a male chef wouldn't do that. No, a male chef would have no problem being a hard-ass and saying, this is your job, shut the fuck up, I didn't ask your opinion, fucking do it. And I think she feels the need to placate him and be nice to him, and that's where...
It's like he doesn't understand that kind of power dynamic, and he's gonna take advantage of it. He's gonna run all over her. Yeah, he's gonna run right over her for being like that. You know, you can't be like that. You have to beat him into submission, girl. Beat him into submission. Here comes one right now. Welcome to the Offensive Line. You guys, on this podcast, we're going to make some picks, talk some s***, and hopefully make you some money in the process. I'm your host, Annie Agar.
So here's how this show is going to work, okay? We're going to run through the weekly slate of NFL and college football matchups, breaking them down into very serious categories like no offense. No offense, Travis Kelsey, but you got to step up your game if Pat Mahomes is saying the Chiefs need to have more fun this year. We're also handing out a series of awards and making picks for the top storylines surrounding the world of football. Awards like the He May Have a Point Award.
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so now they get on the submarine and marina falls asleep in the submarine which is kind of funny and they like wake her up like the guy's like hey hey hey sorry wake up by the way whether we're there or not dino's at eight o'clock is that okay because like we want
we want to have dinner at eight o'clock, no matter what, because this guy Blair is like a real hard ass about timing. Cause he was really upset the other day when like he told them eight 30 in the morning for breakfast, but then he got up there at eight and breakfast wasn't ready. Then he got pissed about it, which was his fucking fault too. His fucking fault. No, because that's not, wasn't it something that he said he wanted breakfast at eight?
30 but then he got up there at 8 and it wasn't ready so he was all mad yeah is that what you said so this guy's such an asshole so also what's funny is marina just gave us that speech of like i do this i do that i do this i do that i don't stop yolo you only
live once i'm going to do everything and then she sleeps she falls asleep like immediately after the monologue yeah so this is a weird plot point because now he's like whether we're there or not dinner needs to be there at eight o'clock on the dot And she's like, okay. Then he's like, so you need to tell the chef dinner has to be at eight o'clock on the dot. Do you get it? Whether we're there or not. She's like, okay. Well, that's crazy. She can't do that.
It's stupid. What a stupid person to replace that. You were the one who fucked up the time in the first place, butt plug. It should be dinner is served when you all get there. Don't yell at the staff. Yell at your friends to get ready. So then, meanwhile, back in the galley, Anthony is asking what...
what he wants, like what he should do. And Zarina's telling him to prep the lobster tail. And she's like, so what were you like as a kid? And he's like, oh, you know, just like chilled. You know what I mean? Always throwing mother's baked potatoes out into God. because they had no seasoning. I was pretty chill. Unfortunately, I had to recook everything that was ever served to me. So that took most of my time.
and she's like so no getting arrested or what kind of chef are you you know do you have do you have any tattoos symbolizing your heroin addiction He's like, I'm just trying to give you an opportunity to say, oh yeah, I used to be on drugs and cooking saved my life. I used to live in the gutter and I would have, I would have been dead by now had I not discovered cooking. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Standard chef monologue. Come on, it's your moment. Do you have a child?
that you're deadbeating somewhere. I mean, come on then. And he's like, nope. Nope. Nothing. Nothing. Just a good person. And she's like, God, fucking hell. Maniton's coming home in the police cars. Freeze the taxi. It was ridiculous for me. And he's like, disgusting. He's like, whore. So then Lara is talking to Adair, because I forgot that Adair A existed and B is a deck stew.
So Laura's like, all right, tonight for the theme, I'm going to leave the entertainment up to you guys if that's good, because you're American and I don't understand this cowboys and cowgirls thing. As far as I know, back in England, what we have instead are crumpets and clotted cream. And that is our...
theme for our special events. So please, you take over. And then Dara's like, oh, okay, lasso. I'll do that. And then I can teach him a little dance. I just need him to be able to get in line and count to eight. She goes, well, that's expecting a lot. But good luck to you. I don't know what any of this means, but you just do that American thing. Yeah. So then Brianna, Harry's helping Brianna again. And she's like, actually, I'm quite impressed with your stew scales, Harry. He's like, oh, really?
That's amazing. I've cleaned bathrooms on boats before, you know. I've got lots of experience. Yeah. And she...
thinks she likes him. She's like, oh, do you have a home base? She's like, do you have a home base or do you just like boat to boat? He's like, nah, no home base. She's like, oh, that's cool. She says, I like Harry. He's a positive energy i think he's so sweet we're going to be best friends i was like damn he's already been friend zoned already friend zoned the flirtation hasn't even started yet
Yeah. And he's like, breathe way above my leg. I look at girls like that and I'm like, not even worth trying. Not even worth trying. And yet here you are making your ninth bed of the day. Oh, poor Harry. Bless his heart. Bless his friend-zoned heart. So now they come back from the sub and they're going to take a nap and everything. And then Marina goes up and tells Lara that the guests are very adamant that they want everything on the table before 8 o'clock. It doesn't matter who is there.
they're going to start eating. So eight o'clock. And so Zarina's like, okay, fine. And then I guess, I guess Marina told, uh, Zarina that. And then Laura is, um, uh, speaking to johnny johnny again i'm blanking out oh johnny greek johnny the greek johnny the greek so she's asking if he's um he's just like are you free what are you doing he's like free like relationship or free for your time
She's asking you to get into a relationship with you right now. Yeah, Johnny, she wants you. She's like, no, please hang these decorations, you idiot. So Serena's like, for this dinner, I just think rustic hay bales, greasy hands, smoky flavours. Proud of this charter season, I was in Arizona, so I know what to do. They cooked all sorts of meat. You know, there's baked potatoes, corn slaw.
i mean literally served on wood it was like eating a trough or something i just felt like it's very cowgirl eating with your hands and the dirt you know And it's very like, lonesome dove, you know, fried horse, snapping turtle puree soup, horse serving food naked. oh so and she's like so anthony we have to explain the dishes would you like to come up with me and he's like i don't mind you can go i'll come up at the end
Oh, really? You want to come up at the end and act like the fucking chef? Of course you do. Get your ass with me right now, sir. Yeah. And she's like, okay, well, I'll just tell them which ones you may. He goes, no, no, don't. Just do it as is. We're a team in it. And then he basically says, oh.
You see what he's doing, though, don't you? He's saying, don't do that. We're a team, so I can take credit for everything. Like all those pictures that he showed before when he's like, here's my five-star service. And then he's showing all these gorgeous, you know, magazine-worthy pictures. How many of those were his? And how many of those were his chefs that he just took pictures of? And he may be helpful. Like, you know, fucking cutting a carrot.
Exactly. Congratulations. You put some sort of like mushroom soil on the plate. So Anthony is like, which I hate when chefs describe it. And here on the side is this is a pistachio soil. No, it's that. Don't say it's soil. Stop that. oil so gross and you know i made like uh i i was cooking the other night and i made a uh pistachios that's horror
which was very fun. And when I was mixing, you have to mix it with your hands because there's lemon zest in there and the lemon zest clumps in their hands and it felt like dirt. And as I was doing it, I was like, I bet if this were at a restaurant, some asshole would say, and here's some pistachio soil. Because it felt like soil, but I wasn't willing to call it soil. Good for you. Stand against the man. I'm an adult.
So Anthony basically is like, thanks, but no thanks. I don't want them to think I've cooked that. Just because the theme's basic doesn't mean the food has to be basic. If it was my menu, I would have been out there at the barbecue, making it a more immersive experience, you know, some short ribs, slow cooked.
You know, yeah, slow-cooked short ribs, perfect for a barbecue. So he goes, you know, we could have even done a hot sauce platter where you make different Scotch bonnets, different sauces, different spices. Possibilities are endless. Shut up, dude. Okay, go ahead and do it. It's not immersive grilling in front of them. Give me a fucking break. It's not a Benihana. You're not going to be throwing it in their fucking mouths.
Don't invoke the Onion Tower in front of Zarina, Ronnie. But that was a sore point for her last year as we saw. Yeah, they showed it today. Yeah, they showed it today. It was really funny when he's like, well, you know, Serena does make her own problems. He's like, it's going to be like a Benihana. She's like, not doing it.
Now, that being said, I do think that this meal could have been a little bit more upscale, but I don't know if these guests really needed it to be up. I think the guests were not very upscale people, so it was fine. It could have been a little bit more refined, but I don't think you needed to have like a...
Scotch bonnet hot sauce platter that gets passed around. Yeah, it's cowboy day. I mean, give me a fucking break. So Serena is telling Anthony, are your lips real? And he goes, oh yeah, so forget my lips done. She goes...
are you upset with me? And he's like, why would I be upset? Why would I be upset? You basic fucking nothing of a woman. And she's like, I don't know. You just seemed angry for a minute. So now the timing comes in where the guest has asked for this to all be out at eight on the dot. But of course, the guests are not up at 8 on the dot. They're getting ready and taking their sweet-ass time. So Marina comes into the galley, and she wants the food.
And so Laura's like, but are the guests even there? And she goes, no, but they asked me to be before eight, so they will come. That's what they said. And she's like, well, Blair said that if we're not there by eight, bring it out. So just let's just wait. But Blair said, bring it before eight because...
they'll come and she's like if they're not there at eight bring it out she goes well he says something completely different to me so he said oh no i mean was it a dream was it real did he really say it in the submarine Sorry. Everything froze. I think my computer was like...
Wait a second. There's a new mess. But okay, I'm back. Sorry. Yes, Laura, continue on. Continue on. I'm discombobulated. So it's just timing. They're just talking about this, whether it's served at eight or whatever. So then Laura's like, well, the guests are not going to be happy finding the hot food.
Now cold food, because they took an extra 10 minutes getting ready. I mean, the food needs to be hot. I mean, sorry, but sometimes I know better than the guests. Which is true. You don't serve food to an empty table. That's crazy. What were you hoping would happen? Because I couldn't tell at that moment.
There was part of me that didn't want Laura to fuck up again because I didn't want her to be a fuck up. But then there was part of me that also felt like it was obnoxious that she was disregarding the message that Marina was sending. So I kind of wanted the guest to show up. and be like, where's the food? No, Marina was doing that thing where she was like, the guest is always right, and...
I think that that's something you have to do to a degree. But Laura knows. Guests are stupid. And if she actually did that, the guests would be mad. And they would also be right if they were mad. So she's like, nope. You don't serve guests. I'm glad she stuck to her guns and didn't listen to an underling, because if she listened to somebody lower in rank and fucked it up, that would be very bad. That would be a very bad foot to set right at the beginning. Yeah.
Yeah. So, um, example to set foot to set. I don't know why I said that. So Laura is, um, yeah, she's like, where, where is everyone? And, and. the like match would be cold right now so marina marina realizes that she messed up she's like no i learned but laura is right they're not here yet i could do better i'm like this is shocking after below deck
down um below deck sailing where the students were like well you know what the only reason why i gave that message is because daisy didn't inspire me to give me to give a better message so it's not really my fault and you know what i don't even like daisy's leadership in the first place but here they're like this is I can learn from this. I really made a mistake. My boss is right. This is so strange.
It is weird. Yeah, I don't need Marina to self-flagellate over it or anything, but relax. Yeah, it was interesting. So then Serena's like, okay, here's some lobster, here's some steak, but apart from that, everything's vegan, even the cornbread. which is not that easy to do vegan, by the way. And so they're like, thanks. And now Adair and Marina. How do you do it vegan? How do you do it vegan? Because you can't have an egg in there. The egg would be the real issue, huh?
Because you can do it with almond milk. The buttercream or whatever, or the buttermilk. Don't you use buttermilk in biscuits? Not biscuits, cornbread. I guess you don't use buttermilk in cornbread all the time. I just use like the Mark Bittman has a really good cornbread recipe in the New York times that uses just milk, but I've done it with almond milk before. And it's like, not as luscious, but, but the thing is there's an egg in there. I think, how do you do it without the egg?
I don't know. Some things you can use applesauce for, for an egg. I don't know. I don't know. Well, we'll have to put a pin in. We should look up a vegan cornbread. Try it out. Should I look it up right now? Is this a marching order? Vegan corn. bread. I want to know. Everybody needs to know. Here, how about the best vegan cornbread by Nora Cooks.
Okay, Nora. Oh, God. She goes, hello, I'm Nora. Okay, jumped a recipe. Enough of you, Nora. You know, my husband loves cornbread. You know what? He hates animal products. What's a girl to do? Well, let me tell you what happened when I went to. the post office this morning.
Here's what Nora has to say. This is it. The best vegan cornbread, just like mom used to make. But vegan. Soft, tender, and sweet with just the right amount of cornbread texture. So she uses flour, cornmeal, sugar, salt, baking powder. unsweetened almond milk, canola oil, and I guess that's it. Okay. Well, canola oil, but there you go. There you have it. But I mean, that's, I thought there was eggs.
I thought there was eggs. Well, you know what? Not in vegan cornbread. Maybe not. Maybe there never was an egg. Maybe there never was an egg. So now they're clearing dinner, doing all that, and the deck is... The deck is getting ready to do a cowboy performance. They have to do a line dance. And they're shirtless for this. And Harry dances as the shirtless horse. And so it's just a...
Hooting and hollering, great time. So then Serena tells Anthony she needs help cleaning, and he does. And he's actually being kind of decent for this five minutes. So then Bree is giving a cabin rundown. while checking her work. And so Bree's like, you know, perfectionist can usually be seen as someone that can be overbearing. I mean, with Laura, the way she just appreciates yachting so much, she's someone I look up to and I admire. So whatever she needs, I'm here for it.
It's like, what's happening at this season? The standard line on Below Deck is... you know perfection perfectionists are so overbearing and they just like don't see the bigger picture and like they just make my life it's like a power trip like i do i am not here for it but they're like I love that she's a perfectionist. I love that she's like making me go back and refold this sheet 15 times until I get it right. Like I'm really learning a lot.
There is something about the format that definitely needs that. If I were Chief Stu. We need that character. Yeah. Well, I think we kind of get one later. Of course, it's the American, so that makes sense. Although, Brianna's American, too. Brianna's American, too. Yeah, and there's also too many Americans on this. There's like two Americans. Too many! So...
Laura is saying how, like, oh, the guests are nice and everything. And Zarina's like, yeah. And she goes, you know, if it had been anything worse, I don't know how I would have done. Dinner was perfect. And then Harry's talking to Anthony in the room. And Harry's like, yeah, are you happy with the crew? And Anthony's like, yeah, the crew's nice and everything. And he's like, well, what about Zarina? And he's like, well, if she worked a bit cleaner, it would be nice. It's like, well, sir.
You were the one who was supposed to be cleaning and you complained about cleaning and now you're not cleaning and now you're upset that there's no one to clean things. yeah sorry and harry's like so what do you just have to clean up behind her then he's like yeah it's just like a mess everywhere you know it's just dirty that's just not how it work you know what i mean and he's like well i'm sure if she said i reckon you could be a bit cleaner she'd say yeah okay i'll try you know she wouldn't
take offense it's just about how you worded if you're going guns blazing like i just made myself so uncomfortable right now and he's like yeah that would come the third time Ooh. We're all so scared, Anthony. Yeah, relax. Arrogant little fuck. Sorry you didn't get to make your hot sauce platter.
You don't have to unleash your toxic outrage. Sorry you didn't get to do a variety of scotch bonnets. Sorry you didn't get to make a slow roasted short rib yet paradoxically wanted to barbecue it too. Sorry. Sorry it wasn't immersive enough for you. Yeah. Sorry. You couldn't use your immersion blender to make it more immersive. Okay, last day of charter. It's already 90 degrees in the morning. And Laura's asking if Adair can do cabins. So Adair's like, but wait.
They're turning up cabins. Why would they be turning them up? I mean, they should just strip everything. I'm going to go tell them. I'm going to go tell them that. They should just strip it. So she marches up to Laura like she's going to school Laura on something. It's like, so are y'all going to turn up the rooms? I mean, shouldn't we just wait and then strip everything once they leave? I mean, they're only here for two more hours.
She goes, no, that's not how it works in yachting, darling. They have to be made perfect this morning, which, ooh, I loved. I love when British people just condescend to us Americans because sometimes we really, we deserve it and we need it. And you know what? Like Laura being, being so patronizing to Adair in that moment was just chef's kiss for me.
Well, you're going to tell a chief stew that you don't want to make up the rooms in the morning. That is completely stupid. And then she's like, well, my idea of guest treatment and her idea of guest treatment are so polar opposite. You're from a mud boat, ma'am. I forgot about that. Are you fucking kidding me? You're only here because you thought you were going to get abducted and you seem to be down for it.
Yeah, you idiot. Go make a bed. So Laura's like, well, Adair isn't used to working on a super yacht. So, you know, I give her a little leeway, but God, this isn't Motel 6. Hold on for my British friends. It's an American thing. A trashy American motel that thankfully is restrained North America. Sorry. Back.
So now breakfast is being served and Bree's working on cabins with Adair and she's like, well, we really have to pull all the wrinkles out because Laura wants all the wrinkles out and she wants it very tucked. I mean, she's amazing, isn't she? I just want to make her happy. You know, I'm going to change this one because I don't think I can get the wrinkles out the way Laura likes it. I'm going to change it. And Adair's like, God, just tuck it in for fuck's sake.
I know. And they do a really good job. I really want to learn the ins and outs of how to make a bed like these do's. So then now it's time to go back to the dock. Time to dock. Time to dock at the dock. Better to dock at the dock than dock at not a dock. That would be awkward.
It wouldn't be the first time it's happened with Captain Jason. So then Jason is like, well, first time docking, it's a little bit of wind, so I'll need some good calls on my port side, you know? And then... we see jason as being like all right everyone's being spring breast spring breast breast spring thigh chicken bone um wings and also like uh jason are you putting in an order right now or are you giving us commands A little bit of both.
Like a bit of butter on a hot skillet, ain't it? All right, we're going to need good communication and planning. This is the test. Let's go. So Vian's like, all right, Harry, Harry, that forward leading spring, that's got to be your last one. After spring, first breast, breast swings. swing around, swing around the side, breast under, butt of the lid, butt of the lid, butt of the lid, butt of the lid.
He just suddenly converts him to doing a cattle auction. All right, there's a little bit too much chatter happening here on the radio. He's like, okay, Missy, Missy, Missy, Missy, $50, $50, $45. All right, all right, I'm going to do a little bit too much chatter. to hear i think it's lara's childhood all over again so um they're getting in closer to a lot of a horse member yeah
So, Weon's just talking too much. He's like, okay, captain, clear the turn, clear the turn, clear the turn, eggs on the skillet, eggs on the skillet, hash browns coming down, hash bags coming down, got some cholesterol on the grill, got some cholesterol, wait for it to melt, get a little bit, melting, melting.
melty, sizzle, sizzle, bacon, bacon, bacon. Shrieks on the china, never mattered before, no one cared. That's a drop in your jacket. Greens, greens are nothing but greens, parsley, peppers, cabotons, celery, asparagus, watercress, and fiddlefin's and lettuce. He said, all right. but it wasn't quite because I caught him in my garden one night. It's like, all right, could we please do less into the woods on the radio? I'm trying to dock a goddamn boat. So it's more like...
VN is just kind of giving too much information. And then there's a lot of stuff going back and forth and the boat pretty much. It's like as close to crashing into the dock as it can be because the poor fender just gets squeezed into a pulp. And I think pops at one point. That fender gave its life for this docking. And Jason's very embarrassed because, you know, he kind of has a reputation of...
crashing. Yeah, he really does. It's like this poor guy just can't get a win, you know, and beyond actually his problem is over communication, which is rare. You know, it's a weird season. He's just communicating too much. And he's like, please shut up on the radio. Too much. So they get it. They dock.
and uh then everyone says goodbye it starts serene and everything and mark is like so i just want you to say that the food was exquisite and you know just like the authenticity the integrity and just feeling our personalities i've got to say just wonderful excellent food the sort of food you'll always remember like i don't care how many anal beads are in me because i'll know i had such good food coming out of me earlier so you know what a great time and anthony is just like
He's like shocked. He's shocked that they thought the food would actually be good. Yeah, he's such a little asshole. So then they meet at the bridge and Jason is like, yeah, come on into talking. We've got to find our feet. You know, I mean, Jesus Christ, point to the lines. I want the line on. I will say the communication on the radio was intense. All right. It was a lot. So what I want.
I just want five meters, two meters, kick forward, clear on your port side. That's it. That's it. That's it, Bosun. And he's like, okay, I'll stop talking so much. He goes, audiobooks.
Audio books. That's where you go. It's like, it was just so much going on that radio. It's like audio books. So then Johnny tells us, he says like i've been impressed with captain he's very motivating guy you know when a boat happens and you know it just is what it is and we're here to fix it in a silent way i think i think he's expert in that so big respect to top g nice i was like wait so the egomaniac
is like chill with the people who are over him something is wrong with this season everyone's way too like mature and responsible yeah i know they'll all go to hell soon so serena's like oh my god i mean i think anthony sees me as like a new stepmom and he doesn't really want it but he has to put up with it but i think we're finally bonding or he's just humoring me but either way
Either way, it's working much better now. So, yeah, now it's like super rainy, super, super rainy. And now it's time for the tip meeting. He's like... Jason says, congratulations, everyone. We got the boat together, a lot of hurdles. And I think it's a big effort from Lara to get everything going. And Zarina's done a great job in the galley as well. Okay, so here's the tip. It's $20,000.
20,000 US dollars, which only matters for two people on this entire cast. So congratulations. Everyone else has to do conversions. All right. So that brings me to my old friend and he pulls out the disco helmet and he acts like he's going to give it to Johnny because Johnny got himself. stranded in the middle of the ocean on the jet ski, but instead he gives it to Vian because Vian's in charge of him.
And also Vian fucked up that docking too, but he doesn't give him shit like that. He's just like, you were in charge of the idiot who lost the key or whatever. So, you know, you have to wear it. And Serena's like, maybe you should wear it on the jet ski. So if you get lost again, we can find you.
Anthony's all mad that people chuckle. He's like, really? They thought that was funny. So we find out that Laura, Laura's in yachting because she's saving up for an old barn, which I'm renovating. I managed to build myself. I pay all the bills. There's a little house in the back for Dad. He's never visited. I can't imagine how many spoons are in that house just waiting for him. Dad, I got your spoon. dad's house is completely built from spoons it's all made out of spoons
So she's like, I'm just going to live there. Be my forever home one day. Just me and the dogs. And that's it. Me, dogs, and a lot of spoons. So then... Vian is saying that he's got his helmet on. He's talking about how he's taking one for the team and everything.
blah, blah, blah, because he's got the helmet on. So then, uh, now they are, they're all going to go out. And now this entire episode, there've been like little moments of like beyond and Brianna kind of like encountering each other and being nice. And there was like a moment where like his,
His shoes were squeaky and she's like, hi, squeaky. So, um, he's like, Brianna's definitely the prettiest girl on the boat. And I truly believe I do have a shot with Bri. Usually I will develop a crush pretty quickly, especially when, you know, it's more person like Bri, who was a former model. for Vogue. You know, someone like that I'll tend to develop a crush for. I'm like, yeah, you think? You think? She was like the pretty girl? Yeah.
Yeah, the hot one. I like that they all make it sound like some romantic story when they pick the prettiest girl on the boat. It was meant to be. Although I will say, I think it might be meant to be between Vian and Brie because they are the exact same color. And I don't mean just their skin, like their hair even is the same.
Because it's not the most normal color, right? It's kind of like a strawberry blonde, but like, I don't know, latte colored. I don't know how you would explain it. Yeah, but they're like the same color rust, you know? It's like they've both gone under kind of...
Yeah, they've both rusted to the same degree, so I think they deserve to be together. Sure. They just look like they go. I don't know how to explain it, but I was like, that's just such odd coloring that they both have the exact same hair. You know, I didn't notice that with his hair. I've noticed with her hair. I didn't, I have no, like when I think of him, I don't think of his hair. I just thought, I feel like was, is this hair spiky? It feels like it's spiky.
No, it's like greasy. It's like kind of greased and... I don't know how to explain it, but no, it's not spiky. But yeah, their hair color is so similar that I think that, I don't know, I think people with the exact same hair color fall for each other. I don't know. I guess we'll see if it works out.
Well, especially, I mean, like, you know, with gays, gays always, like, not always, but, like, there is a large segment of gays who date their mirror image. And it's... hilarious and it's also i feel like so i feel like it's so egotistical too
And like you see these gays and they pose together. They have the same facial hair, the same hairstyle, same hair color, same body type, same fashion. And they do it all the time. So this is sort of like an extension of that. It's like, well, your hair is rust colored. and mine is rust-colored, so we should probably date them.
Yeah, we should be together forever. I mean, yeah, gays do tend to date ourselves, which is why I'm single. Like, I've got better taste than that. All right, so Harry is checking with Serena. So they're all out having a good time, you know, and Laura and Anthony are talking. And Laura's like, so which...
background with cooking and he's like well when i was a kid i've just always been good at it you know i mean no it sounds arrogant but i don't want to be arrogant i really just you know i don't really carry too much of an ego that's me no ego me no ego anthony that's what they call me And Serena's just kind of over there biting her tongue like, really?
And then Harry's talking to Zarina and she's like, so my sous chef, has he said anything bad about me? And Harry could have just said, oh no, he seems to really like you. But he goes, um... he sort of like laughs and smiles like i know something and he's like well he says he's been doing all the cleaning up after you and she goes well yeah you should because he's my sous chef i'm sorry but that's what you're supposed to do because i'm not disagreeing because you know first child i've already let
do guest food because he's complaining so i have to suck up to him oh i have to clean up i'd love to i'd love to clean okay if you don't want to wash up then you get go get a head chef job and tell someone else to clean it definitely in need of a cigarette He just storms off from the table. Yeah, and she's like, he has one job to do, and that's have my back. And instead, he's talking shit about me to the other crew members. It's just so disrespectful.
Yeah, she's right. But also don't ask that question if you don't want to hear that response because she kind of suspects that's the response. And now she gets the response and she's like, wait a second. The only answer was no, of course not. Well, I hope that her reaction to this is just to toughen up on Anthony in the kitchen and demand respect, and I hope it's not, let's have a talk about this, because that's just not what this guy's going to respond to, you know? He's not he he needs
He needs a stern mother who doesn't give a fuck if her baked potato was seasoned or not, because she had a long day at work, and that's what he's going to get. What you get is what you get. Yeah, what you get is what you get, you little fuck. When you learn to hold a fucking skillet, you can do it.
Yeah, exactly. Earn the respect and then you'll get the opportunities. Don't come in entitled to them. Yeah, and if Anthony's mother is out there and needs a place to vent about this little fucker and what he was like growing up, feel free to give us a call. I'd love to hear it. Yeah, I'd love to hear it.
Thanks, everyone, for being here today. Fun times. And we will have we have all sorts of shows later this week. So we'll look forward to hearing from you there. And then, of course, don't forget to get your tickets to our mounting hysteria tour, which is resuming in March. Bye, everyone. Bye. Watch what Crappens would like to thank its premium sponsors. Ain't no thing like Alison King. Our way is the Amber way.
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