WWDTM: Nathan Lane

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Hey, a quick note before we start today's show. You may have heard that President Trump has issued an executive order seeking to block all federal funding to NPR. This is the latest in a series of threats to media organizations across the country. This puts everything you love about NPR in danger, including even our show. And without us, where would the nation get its essential supply of dad jokes? We are proud to be here doing what we do for you, and now we have to ask you to be here for us.

Visit donate.npr.org to give. And if you already support us via NPR Plus or another means, thank you. Your support means so much to us. And, of course, to the dads who need material. This is waiting. The NPR News. I'm Alzo Su. what to do. Here he is at the Student Baker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Start talking now, Peter. Thank you, also. And thank you, everybody. Thanks for being here with us. It is a good day.

That's an exciting time. Later on, we're going to be talking to Nathan Lane, who is star of stage and screen. And now... He's the star of the new sitcom Mid-Century Modern, which people are calling the Gay Golden Girls. What does that make the Golden Girls? But first, before we get started, it is really nice to have Alzo Slade filling in for Bill this week. Alzo, I've got to say, what made you want to leave the panel and take on the grave responsibilities of Judge and Skorky? It pays more.

And I'm glad you believed that when we told you. And we are glad you listeners out there are ready to do your job, which is to call in and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter. It's Allison Becker from Indianapolis, Indiana. Indianapolis, that beautiful place. What do you do there? I actually administer a grant to provide solar opportunities to income-qualified individuals. That is very exciting. Solar opportunities, I mean, I assume you mean tanning, sunbathing. It might come to that after the inauguration. That's true, yes. All right, well, welcome to the show, Allison. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, it's the host of the daily podcast, TV, TL, and the public radio variety show, Live Wire, which will be live back at the Alberta Rose Theater Thursday, May 15th in Portland, Oregon. It's Luke Burbank. Hey, Allison. Hello. They're booing for rolling back the subsidies for solar power. Exactly. Next is a writer for Clean Slate, which is now on Amazon Prime, and Shantara Jackson.

Hi, Allison. Hi. And a writer who's absolutely essential substack is take another little piece of my heart now. It's Roy Blunt, Jr. So Allison, welcome to the show. Your job is going to be the first person ever to play, who's Alzo this time. Alzo Slade, filling in for Bill, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose from your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right. Here is your first quote. This is the greatest thing to happen to Chicago since the Cubs won the World Series. That was a Chicago woman talking to NPR on Thursday reacting to the news that who is from Chicago? The new Pope. The new Pope. Ladies and gentlemen.

Now the Pope has not lived in Chicago for decades, but that does not matter to us. We are so thirsty. We will say you are a Chicagoan if you have a long layover at O'Hare. And is there any other kind? I like it because I grew up Southern Baptist and I don't really know too much about the Pope. But I will say that this feels like the Olympics. It's the only time where I'm like, go America, go. We're on Pinterest. We won something and I'll take the gold even if it's a challenge.

You're like white water canoeing? That's a sport? I was like, go America, go baby. Let's beat them in something. It was so great when the smoke came out. It was white, then red, then blue. We knew. It was awesome. And I need not tell everyone that we are incredibly proud here in Chicago that one of our own has gotten the big chair, and by that I mean the big chair.

One commenter on a news story here, this is true, is like reading the news and he like said, oh my god, this guy's been to my house. And this is true. He was reported to be a Cubs fan. Everybody assumes we're Cubs fans. And his brother called the news to correct the record. He is in fact a White Sox fan. Right. Yes. Imagine. You really need the Lord if you care about the whites. Exactly. Imagine suffering that much and still believing in God.

Honestly, I think that's so funny that a White Sox fan became the Pope to try to help them. That's love for Chicago, baby. I'll become the pump to try to get you a little bit of help. That will be an interesting data point for the White Sox who have not been so great. Not good, no. To see if their fortunes improve now that they have a direct line. Exactly. The creator. We need that and a couple more pictures. Yeah, right.

All right, here is your next quote. It was from someone who was interviewed at an airport. I just procrastinated. I could have gotten it done. I just didn't. That was a traveler who did not have an important document you need to get on a plane as of Wednesday this week. What is it? The real ID. Real ID, yes.

You now need a real ID to get through security at the airport. That is, of course, the extra secure federally mandated ID, which requires proof of residency. So now the TSA, you know, they'll just wave you through. saying, oh, this guy can't be a terrorist. He provided an electricity bill from his house in Cleveland. So remember, in case you're confused, you only need real ID to fly on a plane. If you're just going to a bar, you can continue to use...

Fake ID. They've been telling me that for years at the airport. Mr. Burbank, you need a real ID. This does not count that you have a note from your mom. Sir. I don't know if people remember this. This was announced. in 2006 that they were going to do that. This is true and they finally did it. Take that Al-Qaeda. Yeah. So Al-Qaeda, they announced it in 2006, they finally instituted it.

this week. Just think, Bill Belichick girlfriend has spent her whole life worrying this day would come I have a quote-unquote real ID but I don't remember what I had to do differently to get that. It was just when I was renewing my driver's license, I think. What is elevating the security of these IDs over the ones that we all have? What it is is when you go get it at the DMV, the person, they get the meanest person to come out and they look at you and they say,

Is this really you? Yeah. That's what happened. No, the way it works is you have to bring all these documents proving that you have a social security number or that, that, the other thing. I think. It's so rude because if I'm at the DMV, you should know that I'm taking things seriously. Like, nobody's just showing up to fool you. Like, no, I'm not going there unless I...

Trying to never come back again. They call you up and you're like, I don't need anything. I just like hanging out, sitting here, watching a TV, bolted to the ceiling. That's my idea of a good time. Have a mean lady take a picture of me. worse than anything I've ever experienced and then said, keep it. Catch up on your Judge Judy. Muted. Alright, Allison, you're doing really well. You have one last quote. Here it is. It stings because I've been saving money. And this is my special moment.

That was someone, a young woman, as you could tell from Alzo's impression. Thank you very much. I worked on that. I could see it. I could see it in my mind's eye. That was a young woman speaking to the Wall Street Journal about how tariffs adjust. her flower and dress budget through the roof for her upcoming what? Wedding. Yes, her wedding. Top of everything else, the Trump tariffs are making wedding planning really hard and, of course, really expensive. so hard for the couples who chose

we bought it all on Taimou theme for the wedding. You know, I wasn't like Tip O'Neill that said all politics is local, meaning, you know. I don't care that much about this story, but based on my track record, talk to me when divorces get more expensive, because that's really my sweet spot. President Trump defended the rising wedding cost, saying, come on, it's expensive, but it's something you'll do, what, four or five times in your laptops? I see you. You know why divorces are so...

expensive. Because they're worth it. There you go. We worked that out backstage. I've never been divorced so I wasn't included. And you know it's going to affect everybody when you get an invitation for like You and a minus one. And here's the thing. The Wall Street Journal, which wrote about this, says that some people are so freaked out by the coming price rises and everything that they're stocking up for weddings they haven't even scheduled yet.

just to make sure that when the time comes they have the stuff like nothing gives you the ick Like being on a first date and walking into their living room and finding 200 votive candles just waiting for the right guy. That is just a nice lady in her 20s. Also, how did Allison do in our quiz? She was amazing. Three, four, three. Brilliant. Well done, Allison. May you continue to have good luck going forward. Thank you so much for playing.

Right now panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Luke, there is a new style trend. Some men on social media are trying to look more masculine. By shaving off water. ¡Gracias! Shaving. Is it eyebrows? Lower. Okay. A little bit lower. Soul patch? Higher. Okay. We're narrowing in on it here. Mustache?

Eyelashes? Yes! Eyelashes! Eyelashes! Eyelashes! Eyelashes! Yes, men are shaving off their eyelashes in a growing trend among those men who, yes, would in fact jump off a cliff if that's what their friends did. These men are going into barbershops and asking their barbers for an eyelash trim because eyelashes are now too feminine. Wow.

That's true. What's more manly than constantly crying because of all the dust in your eyes? Have you ever met a woman? I love a man with nice eyelashes. This is how you know men only talk to each other. Girls like eyelashes. We especially like them when they look like ours because we are egotistical. That's how you do butterfly kiss. Exactly. What's going to happen to the butterfly kiss industry? And then all the mans is going to have pink eye. You know it. Coming up, our panelists.

Fix the last internet off the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NP. This message comes from WISE, the app for doing things and other currencies. With WISE, you can send, spend, or receive money across borders, all at a fair exchange rate. No markups or hidden fees. Join millions of customers and visit wise.com. T's and C's apply.

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This message comes from CBC. If you're finding it hard to tune in to the actual news, why not laugh about it instead? Because news invites comedians to riff on the headlines through games and quiz questions. Follow Because News wherever you get your podcasts. Wait, wait, don't tell me. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Shantira Jackson, Roy Blunt Jr., and Luke Burbank.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Alza. All right, now it's time for the wait, wait, go Tommy. Thank you, everyone. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-Wait-Wait to play our game on the air. Or you can always check out the pinned post on our Instagram page, at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, everyone. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Femi IE from Nashua, New Hampshire. Hey Femi, how are you? What do you do there in Nashua? I am an independent mortgage bank executive. I help people buy homes. Do you really? I work the machinery that's behind the loan process to manufacture loans from... raw effort into this horrible commodity that we all trade. You're like a mortgage farmer. You're out there in the fields tilling the fields, growing mortgages.

That's the thing. That's the thing that we do all day. Exactly, yes. I'm a mortgage farmer. Well, Femi, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Alzo, what is this topic? Have I got a great deal for you on a... one is 2016 Honda Civic. All right. Recently, somebody bought themselves a sweet ride, a 2016 Honda Civic Type R.

All the usual due diligence. They kicked the tires, checked the car facts, made sure it hadn't said anything racist on Twitter. But nonetheless, the buyer of this car ended up getting quite a surprise. Our panelists are going to tell you about it, pick the real story, and you will win the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right. Our first.

2016 Civic comes from Roy Blunt Jr. When Bobby Higgins Sr. of Mound, Alabama saw that 2016 Honda Civic Type R in the lot, it spoke to him. He kicked the tires, he drove it around the block and bought it. Cranked it up, turned some music on from the nostalgia station and oozed on out of there. Suddenly, he was not alone. on the dashboard a mouse and then another mouse Brendan, I mean Bobby, I'm sorry, Bobby Senior jammed on the break.

And, well, now I've lost my friend. I forgot to change Brendan to my... That's a very real story. Bobby Sr. jammed on the brakes. Who wants a vermin-ridden car? Then the two little mice began to dance. They were doing the bossa nova. Several more mouse couples emerged and joined the show. And more and more. Well, long story short, a local showman had in fact been searching for missing dancing lights. But here's what interested scientists.

There were more dancing mice in Bobby Senior's car than had been missing. The original dancing mice, apparently, had reproduced and taught the next generation to dance as a survival tactic. This Honda Civic came with apparently a multi-generational family of performing mice. Your next pre-owned parable comes from Shantira Jackson. Jennifer Henry really lucked out when she saw the Craigslist posting for a used 2016 Honda Civic R hatchback.

Sure, it was kind of beat up. The AC didn't work. You needed rope to close the trunk. And when she went over 65, it shook like a rocket ship at takeoff. But it was hers and she loved it. One day, when she got in the car, the AC was suddenly working. And sooner or later, a lot of things in the car started to improve. Instead of a shake, that baby started to sing. And not to be weird, but the wheels even seemed bigger?

Jennifer wasn't going to question the improvements. She just felt lucky until one evening when she saw on the news that a street racing ring had been broken up and there was a Honda Civic speeding away from the car. As they announced the license plate number, she realized that little speed demon was her car. Turns out that she had unknowingly purchased a car that is prized among street racers for its aerodynamics, and a local car racer had been stealing her car in the middle of the night.

souping it up and racing it Fast and Furious style. Her car was eventually returned to her with just a few scratches, a new radiator, and a big pile of red light speeding tickets. A woman buys a car to find that it's a valuable racer, which she discovers by someone taking it and racing it every night while making improvements. Your last story. of a wowie about somebody's whip comes from Luke Burbank. February 28th was a crap day for you in Valentine of Solo Hall, England.

He walked out of his house only to find that his beloved Honda Civic, a 2016 Type R custom racing model complete with rims and a spoiler, had been stolen. I was gutted, he told the BBC this week, and I was determined to get it replaced before one day I have to get something that's a little more family friendly. So that's exactly what Ewan did, jumping on the internet and managing to find a similar car for sale one town over.

Valentine bought the car and was feeling good as he drove home until he started noticing things. A candy wrapper on the floor that looked kind of familiar. A peg for a tent that was like a tent he had. Even the car's smell. But that couldn't be, right? The VIN numbers were different. Well, then he punched his address into the navigation, and it was already preloaded, as was his parents' address, as were all of his saved addresses, because this was his car.

A part of me felt triumphant, said Valentine, but then part of me felt stupid because I had just bought back my own car for 20,000 pounds. So somebody bought a Honda Civic and it got quite a surprise.

What was that surprise? Was it from Roy Blunt Jr. that the car was occupied by a multi-generational troupe of dancing mice? From Shantira Jackson that the car was a racer and was being borrowed every night, improved and raced before being brought back home before daylight? Or... from Luke Burbank that it was the very same car that had been stolen from the guy shortly before, but he didn't notice it until he was driving at home.

I'm hoping that it was Luke Burbank's story, because that sounds like it would have been a good Top Gear episode. Okay, your choice is Luke's story. Well, here is some news coverage of the real car. The man paid more than $20,000 to buy his own stolen car. That was Kimberly Hahn of ABC10 News San Diego.

Talking about the man buying his own stolen car. Congratulations, Femi, you got it right. You're in a point for Luke. You won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Congratulations and well done. Thank you so much for playing. And thanks for giving Luke a point. Thank you very much. Take care.

And now the game we call Not My Job. Nathan Lane is a movie and TV star and an absolute Broadway legend. He was last on our show a few years ago to promote the first season of Only Murders in the Building. But he's now starring in a new sitcom, Mid-Century Modern, where he plays a gay man living with his two best friends, and thankfully, at least as of the end of the first season, none of them have been murdered. Nathan Lane, welcome back to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Um.

Congratulations on the new show. I have been watching it and enjoying it immensely. It's on Hulu. Thank you. This is not the first time you have starred in a TV show, though, but it may be the most successful. I mean in terms of a multi-camera show in front of a live audience, I've done a couple. in the past that haven't been so successful. So this has been a great pleasure. Right. And so what happened? Did you just have poor luck in the past? Well, I don't know. How much time do you have?

When I was a kid, I was cast in a show, a situation comedy starring Mickey Rooney and Dana Carvey called One of the Boys. Okay. and and that was I knew going into that it was not going to last And Dana still talks about it. He's still traumatized by Mickey Rooney. As we all were. And then I did a show with the creators of Frasier, and I thought that would be a good idea. They had won the Emmy five years in a row.

and they pitched me an idea I didn't like, and then I pitched them an idea they didn't like, and then they came up with this idea that we wound up doing in which I was going to play a famous opera singer who... lost his voice in a freak accident and had to leave the opera world and he went to live with his mother and sister at their winery in the Napa Valley. By the time the premise was you were finished explaining it, people had left the room. That didn't go so well.

So this is exciting. The show, let's talk about Mid-Century Modern. Okay. My understanding is that it was pitched to you. This was made by the creators of the classic and brilliant sitcom Will & Grace, and they came to you and they said... It's a gay golden girl. Is that correct? Is that how they pitched it? Yes, and I thought well that's kind of redundant, but It was actually Ryan Murphy. I was working for Ryan Murphy doing this.

miniseries about the Menendez brothers and he had read this script and he had never done a situation comedy before, a multi-camera situation comedy. but he thought the script was great, and they had written it. I was told with me in mind, and so I read it, and I thought it was hilarious, and that's how it all came to be. When you were on the show last time...

You talked about some odd jobs you had. But we were looking over your resume, and you are a Broadway legend. I don't know how many Tonys you've won. You just rule that street. I found out that you're wrong. Three. I've won three. Three. You keep count. I don't keep count. One penny for each panelist. Exactly. But I found out that your Broadway debut was very surprising to me. It was a show called Merlin.

No. No, it was not your Broadway debut. No. That's wrong. You actually got a point for that, Nathan. My Broadway debut was in 1982. At the Circle and Square Theater, I did a revival of the Noel Coward play, Present Laughter, directed by and starring George. C for Cuddles Scott. For those who remember George C. Scott. I remember him well, but that, yeah. But then, but, so I'm sorry, that was not, but then you did Merlin with Doug Henning.

Doug Heading was this, for those who don't remember, he was a very famous magician in like the 70s who was sort of famous for his sort of, shall we say, Hippie aura would that be accurate? Absolutely Marty short on SCTV used to do an impression of him. He had a severe overbite And he did not, he was trying to bring magic. back to the magic profession and so he did not refer to what he did as tricks but they were illusions. And he was a lovely man.

And Doug was, I don't know if you've heard, but he was a triple threat. He couldn't... But he was a lovely guy and you know the first rule of musical theater is Don't do a show that's built around magic tricks So so yeah, I did have a little bit of a run, but yes, it was It was doomed from the start. And yet here you are. I remember having to tell, I had to leave present laughter and I had to tell George C. Scott that I was leaving the show to do this musical.

So he knocked on my door and I opened it and he said to me, you're leaving me to do magic show. This is going to be the outtakes for people that support public radio at a very high dollar. mixed feelings about making you play. I'd just rather hear more stories, but you know the rules. If you come on the show, you play a game, Nathan, and this time we have asked you here to play a game we're calling. Hey.

Stay in your lane, Nathan Lane. So yeah, your name being Nathan Lane, as we all know, we are going to ask you about staying in your lane and other... driving related matters. Answer two to three. Oh, you're kidding, because I, you know, I don't drive. Well, I wondered about that. I wondered about that. This is the wrong game to make. It's like a Zen thing. An empty mind leads to success here. Here we go. Who is Nathan Lane playing for?

David Young of Phoenix, Arizona. Finland is pretty serious about speeding tickets. When one guy was pulled over in 2023 for driving less than 20 miles an hour over the speed limit, what happened to him? A. The gas was drained from his car by police. And he had to push it home. B, he was fined more than $100,000. Or C, he was forced to stand on a nearby corner for a whole day and hold up a sign saying, I am sorry. I think the last one. I'm saying I'm sorry. Infinite.

presumably. In Finnish, exactly. No, he was actually fined more than $100,000. You see, Finland has this system where they have a sliding scale for moving violation fines based on your income, and he was really rich. Wow. Yeah. You both have two more questions and you have a lot of fans in this room, so I think we'll be okay. We get news accounts every week about people using dummies to drive in the carpool lane. Are you aware of this, Nathan? Perhaps you've seen it in California. Oh, sure.

And one such person who tried that got himself into even more trouble when he got pulled over. and the highway patrolman came up to give him a ticket for driving in the carpool lane with a dummy. What did the man do to get himself in trouble? He claimed, that's not a dummy. That's where I hide all my drugs. B leaned over to the dummy and said loudly enough for the cop to hear, don't worry, I got this. Or C just quickly swapped seats and claimed the dummy was driving.

I say he leaned over and said don't worry I got this. You're right! All right, you have one more question. If you get this right, you win. If you don't like driving, you can take one of those self-driving taxis that are now cruising around Los Angeles and San Francisco, but you should be aware they come with a bit of a risk. What is that risk? The taxis are programmed to find the shortest route to the destination, which has led to them driving through houses, up stairways and down into sewers.

B, they periodically interface with your phone and take you to places from your incognito mode search history. Or C, the mobs of people who sometimes attack the cars and set them on fire. Okay, well I'm gonna go with the arsonist in the audience. You're right, that's what's happening. So far, I should say They haven't done it to any autonomous taxi with a passenger in it, but they have done it and one of these days they might get carried away.

Also, how did Nathan Lane do on our quiz this time? He got enough points to win the game and an honorary driver's license. Well done. Nathan Lane, I cannot tell you what a thrill it is for me to talk to you after a lifetime of being a fan. Nathan Lane is starring in mid-century modern on Hulu. Nathan Lane, thank you so much for being with us today.

In a minute, the reason we're getting a red carpet ready around here, that's in our listener limerick challenge call. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the We'll be back in a minute with more of, wait, wait, don't tell me, from NPR. This is Ira Glass, the host of This American Life. So much is changing so rapidly right now with President Trump in office. It feels good to pause for a moment sometimes and look around at what's what.

Just try and do that. We've been finding these incredible stories about right now that are funny and have a feeling and you get to see people everywhere making sense of this new America that we find ourselves in. This is American Life, wherever you get your podcast. These days, there's a lot of news. It can be hard to keep up with what it means for you, your family, and your community. Consider this from NPR as a podcast that helps you make sense of the news.

Six days a week, we bring you a deep dive on a story and provide the context, backstory, and analysis you need to understand our rapidly changing world. Listen to the Consider This podcast from NPR. It's got vampires, it's got great music and it's a fun one to see with a big crowd. This is the most excited I've been about in a very long time. Well tell you. the biggest screen you can listen to the pop culture happy hour podcast from NPR This is Then NPR News quits. I'm Alzo Slater.

Playing this week with Roy Blunt. Luke Burbank, and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you also. In just a minute. It's you versus Paula Train, a no-holds-barred grudge match. If you'd like to play the listener at Limerick Challenge, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Luke, a new burger joint has opened in California where all the food is lovingly made by whom? Cows. No. That would be horribly cruel. Yeah, that would be pretty dark. Lovingly, it's a burger joint. It's a burger joint. I didn't say they were people. Oh, okay. Is this a... Robots. It is a robot burger joint. Burger Bots. Burger Bots is a new restaurant in Los Gatos, California where all the food is made by robots. And if you did not hate them enough, just for me saying that, their slogan is...

We are the droids you've been looking for. Wow. I know. I don't mind having at least one robot there. That way if somebody wants to start yelling, you can just do that at the robot and leave the children alone. Yes, right. Just yell at the robot. Yeah, just yell at the robot. So if a customer gets angry. A robot comes in the back saying, excuse me, I'm the manager. Can I help you? Yeah, and I want them to sound just like that. I mean, what's funny is they're using pre-existing industrial robots.

and they program them to do the task because they're very good these days. They just got to manage it, you know. the robots back there making the burgers going I was designed to manufacture cars. I thought I'd be making spaceships and I'm just flipping burgers. I'm doing this to work my way through community college so I can get a desk.

job. Why do all your robots sound like they're from the 1970s? That's the last time I understood how a robot was. Shantara, this week a second grader playing with his mom's phone quote accidentally unquote Okay, I think I saw this, like spent $5,000 on like Roblox or something. Not Roblox. Can I have a hint? Well, she shouldn't have left her browser open on 70,000lollipops.com. Oh, yeah, I saw that, the dum-dum.

Lollipops. The kid ordered 70,000 lollipops. I saw that and she tried to cancel it and Amazon said no. Wait a minute, Jeff Bezos was being mean to someone? That doesn't check out. After getting a hold of his mom's phone, the youngster got onto Amazon and ordered 70,000 dum-dum lollipops totaling over $4,000 in cost. depleting the Strategic National Lollipop Reserve and sending the barbershop and bank lobby communities into crisis mode. I feel like that's what we need AI for.

to watch the internet and be like, are you sure? That's a job for a computer. Like, to be like, I don't know, Alaini, do you really want this? It's like Janice's browsing history involved. zero candy purchases, and one day she goes for $4,000 of dum-dums. That seems, you're right, Chantara, that's something the computer could catch. Stop trying to make AI recreate Notting Hill and let them do that. That is what AI is for. Exactly.

Roy, question for you. Scientists announced the development of what might be the first universal snake antivenom, and they were able to do it with the help of a Wisconsin construction contractor who's been pursuing what hobby for 20 years? Not just collecting them, but doing what with them? Letting them bite him. Exactly. For the past 20 years, a man named Tim Frieda in Wisconsin has been collecting venomous snakes and letting them bite him. On occasion, he only did it.

200 times. He did this because the eyelash removal surgery didn't... fully masculinized. I think men will do anything but go to therapy. It's really true. If you hear his wife and you're watching him say, I'm going to go to the snake bite me again, you're like... How many times does that have to happen before she says, you know, I think this is about something else? You said he only did it on occasion.

Does that mean like his birthday or something? I don't want any cake. Just bring out the thing. Bring out the water, Marcus. It's flag day. We got a new pope. Bite me. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or you can catch us on the road. We'll be in Des Moines, Iowa on July 10th and at Tanglewood in western Massachusetts on August 28th. For tickets and info about all of our live shows, just head on over to nprpresents.org. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Kristen calling from Mount Lake Terrace, Washington. Mount Lake Terrace? Where's Mount Lake Terrace? Is that like near the coast?

It's basically between Seattle and Linwood. Okay. I have no idea where Linwood is, but I'll just take your word for it. Do you like to kick it at the Mount Lake Terrace Pavilion? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, you didn't tell me it was where the Mountlake Tellers Pavilion is. Mountlake! Terrace, that's three different things. I'm going to ask you where you're from. I just want you to say Seattle and we'll get on with it. All right, sounds good.

Welcome to the show, Kristen. Alzo Slade is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to go? Sounds great. Here's your first limerick. Public transit can be quite a fuss. Where are cops? Don't be bothering us. Our beats on the street, not there by your seat. To remove smelly food from a...

Bus. Right. Police in Ireland were sent to stop a bus after a passenger complained. about someone eating really smelly ch- You know the golden rule, smell something, say something. The police actually refused to stop the bus. That's because it turns out there were cheese and onion flavored chips, so they called in the SWAT team. When you're on public transit if somebody does something crazy, leave them alone.

Don't provoke them. Don't provoke them. If somebody's bold enough to be like, yeah, I want to eat onions next year, you need to know that they're risking it all. It is amazing to think on about somebody who starts eating stinky chips and you're like, police. All right, here is your next limerick. The flight crew is silently creeping while the cleaners are wiping and sweeping. We won't disturb guests as they're getting some rest. We just leave them behind if they are.

Sleeping. Sleeping, yes. According to United Airlines, there is an alarming rise in accounts of sleeping passengers left on airplanes after their flight has landed because... Who hasn't just gotten done with a cramped five-hour flight and thought, but I'm so comfortable. Just 15 more minutes, please.

I want to know what flight this is. Everybody I get on a plane with stand up before we land. I know, right? Where are you going? The flight attendants promise going forward they'll be extra diligent and wake up passengers, you know, in the traditional way. running into their elbows hard with the drink cart. All right, here's your last limerick. When the next Golden Globes will be broadcast, all home studio people applaud fast.

Now basements with mics will see a big spike because the globes have a prize for best. Podcast. Podcast, the Golden Globes. You know them. They've always marketed themselves as the wildest award ceremony in Hollywood. Now they're ramping up the excitement. by honoring the most boring art form. The top 25 podcasts of the year will be eligible for the best podcast, Golden Globes. Imagine, you know, a chance for...

Hollywood elites like Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya to mingle on the red carpet with Michael Barbaro and the Hawk Tua girl. I just know that the worst person you've ever met is going to try and get a Golden Globe. Exactly. I would like to say, as a podcaster. This is ridiculous.

Unless I'm nominated, in which case, let's give it a moment. Let's see how it plays out, okay? It's very nice that the Golden Globes are announcing this new category early because it gives all the podcast hosts plenty of time to borrow a suit. Also, how did Kristen do in our quiz? She won the game. Three out of three. Well done. Thank you so much Kristen. Hey, it's Peter Sangle with a quick... clock for a recent bonus episode.

a former contestant fesses up to cheating i got scared i got nervous about looking foolish on national radio so we gave him a bluff the listener do-over i got no real idea wow really To hear it, sign up for NPR+. You get other perks, too, like sponsor-free listening and discounts at the NPR shop. Just head over to plus.npr.org. Sean Combs was at the forefront of... But now he's on track. sex crimes. On the Sunday story from up first. Look at the legacy.

and how he protects years there's a culture of fear and silence that really surrounded combs for decades and it's what allowed him to maintain control of his The rise in dramatic... That's on the next Sunday Story from Up First. Support for NPR and the following message come from Jarl and Pamela Moan, thanking the people who make public radio great every day and also those who listen.

Now it's time for our final game. Lightning fell in the blank and the true challenge for the Johnson scorekeeper. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now with two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores? Yes. Shantara and Roy are knotted up in a tie at two, and Luke has four.

Oh, that happened. That bluff will really help you. It's your birthday! So that means that Shantira and Roy are tied for second. Shantira, we'll just start with you. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Chuck Schumer called for an investigation into the issues that shut down the airport in blank, briefly. Newark. Right. On Wednesday, the Federal Reserve voted to keep blank.

Steady. The Constitution. No, that's not going to help. Interest rates. This week the House GOP passed a bill renaming the Gulf of Mexico blank. It's still the Gulf of Mexico, the Gulf of America. Right. This week, a woman in Greece filed for divorce after blank told her that her husband was cheating. No, after ChatGPT told her that. On Monday, membership-based dieting company Blank filed for bankruptcy. The one that my mom probably had to shake.

for Weight Watchers. On Tuesday, Abu Dhabi was announced as the location for Blank's first new theme park to be built in over 20 years. This week a tourist in the Philippines who was bitten by a crocodile explained he only entered the crocodile's enclosure because blank. He asked him to. No, he entered because he thought the crocodile was...

fake. Police said the man mistook the 15-foot reptile for a statue, clambered over the chain-link fence in the zoo, waded into the shallow water as he took out his cell phone. to take a selfie. That's a lot of work for something you're not supposed to be doing. Officials say the incident was almost a disaster whereas the crocodile said it almost worked. Also, how did Shantara do on our quiz? She got three right for six points.

which gives her a total of eight, and she is now in the lead. All right, well done. Roy Blunt, you are up next. Here we go, Roy. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump announced a new trade deal with blank. In our Great Britain. Yeah, the UK. On Tuesday, the Supreme Court allowed Trump's ban on blank troops to go forward.

There's a ban on trans... Transgender, that's right. This week the U.S. surpassed a thousand cases of blank... Measles. Right. On Thursday, scientists discovered a genetic mutation that allowed some people to thrive on just four hours of blank. right. This week a man in Britain was shocked when he opened his bag of potato chips and found blank inside.

Little bitty alligator. No, just one really, really big chip. On Wednesday, cast members from a touring production of Les Miserables said they would boycott a performance at the blank. Oh, at the Kennedy Center. Right. On Thursday, NASA warned that a Soviet era blank would likely fall to the Earth this week. A Soviet space...

Yeah, spacecraft. After sending in a helicopter to rescue a man who got stranded while climbing Mount Fuji, rescue workers in Japan had to save him again four days later after he blanked. He went back. He went back to get his cell phone. He did exactly that, Roy! Oh, oh, after being rescued the first time, the man quickly realized he had to scale the mountain again because he'd left his phone behind. Even worse, when he was being airlifted out again.

He was like, hey, thanks, but one of you guys grabbed my keys, right? I was like, how did Roy do in our quiz? Pretty well, I thought. He got seven right for 14 points, which gives him a total of 16. And he is now in the lead. All right. Then how many does Luke Burbank need to win?

Six to tie, but we're not looking for ties right now. Seven to win. Here we go, Luke. This is for the game. On Wednesday, the Prime Minister of Pakistan vowed decisive action after a blank launch strikes against his country. The Taliban. No, India. This week, the official coronation portrait of blank was made public. King William. Is it King yet? No, no. King Charles. King Charles.

Is that how that works? That is generally how it works. According to new data, the state of blank surpassed Japan to become the world's fourth largest economy. The state of California. Right. Months after zoos in China were caught painting dogs black and white and claiming there were pandas, a tourist attraction, they're blank. put up a sign that said, our alligators are very real. No, this tourist attraction just painted the top of a small hill white and said,

That's Mount Fuji. Did they put the guy up there too? I hope so. On Wednesday, streaming giant Blank announced it was testing a TikTok-like vertical video mode for phones. Netflix. Right on Monday, Simone Biles. Coleman Domingo and other celebrities attended the 2025 Blank. at gala. Right, this week a man in the UK was arrested for riding the train without a ticket on the way to blank. The giant potato chip festival. No, on the way to court, two-faced, 36...

charges of riding the train without a ticket. According to police, this man is now one of the UK's most notorious fair dodgers. Thanks to this new charge, he now faces jail time as part of Britain's 37 strikes and you're out policy. Also, did Luke do well enough to win? Absolutely not. He got four right for eight points for a total of 12. Roy kicked everybody's butt. in just a minute we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the new pope's first official edict but first let me

Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our tour manager, Shayna Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Student Baker Theater. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mohanad Elshekhi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwynn, now... That's a name that I haven't heard in a long time. Emma Choi is our vibe curator today. We say goodbye.

fellow, Hannah Anderson, whose time with us has come to an end. Hannah, we cannot thank you enough for the laughs and for the candy that your mom sent from your home in Canada. get bad we might ask you to smuggle some lumber across the border. And if things get really bad, we might ask you to legally adopt us. Technical direction for our show is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer, Ian Chilock, and the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what would be the first edict of Robert Prevost, now known as Pope Leo... Yay! Look Burbank. Ketchup on a hot dog is now a mortal sin. Shantara Jackson. army from the bear Now, confessions, you have to say three Hail Marys and a Yes Chef. And Roy Blunt, Jr. Hey, y'all, I'm an American. Call me Bob.

And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Alzo Slade, for doing us a fine job. Thanks also to Luke Burbank, Shantara Jackson, and Roy Blunt, Jr. Thanks to all of you for listening to us. I sigh. I'm Peter Sagan. See you next time. This is NPR. Support for NPR comes from NPR member stations and Eric and Wendy Schmidt through the Schmidt Family Foundation, working toward a healthy, resilient, secure world for all.

A lot of short daily news podcasts focus on just one story. But right now, you probably need more. On Up First from NPR, we bring you three of the world's top headlines every day in under 50. Because no one's story can capture all that's happening crazy world of ours on any given morning listen now to the Up First podcast from NPR On this week's Wild Card Podcast. Sykes says, What is the plan man? That's it! Oh, boy, you are in a pickle right now, God. What you gonna do?

I'm Rachel Martin. Wanda Sykes is on Wild Card, the show where cards control the crowd.