Episode 21: Emotional Labour

We had a really interesting conversation about the concept of ‘emotional labour,’ both in the context in which it’s being described in Emotional Labour by Rose Hackman and other writings and podcasts (see Resources), as well as our own concept and ideas about how we see it within family life. Please join us as we come to understand what the term means, how it plays out and the choices we make around it. 

We Discuss:

Anticipatory grief and supporting ourselves while we’re supporting others 

Holding the perspectives, thoughts and feelings of multiple people within the role of parent – all the pieces we hold at once 

How we need to be compassionate with ourselves 

Putting language to the familiarity of emotional labour 

That emotional labour is truly work which takes skill, effort and time and this explains why we might feel tired 

Emotional labour as a primary responsibility for people working in the service industry – keeping people happy 

That we begin co-regulating alongside our children as infants and little ones as one of our first forms of emotional labour

The tax on our systems from various personalities and neurology, including our own – it can be genuinely tiring even when we are choosing it

Two layers of consideration – sometimes we have more energy than others to begin with and then we’re also accumulating energy from emotional labour that at some point needs to be discharged 

Being open to the individual timing and tools each person needs and uses to move through grief 

Improving our emotional skillset toward all people through parenting and home education 

Moments of compensation for other people’s lack of emotional labour, whether that’s our children, spouse or others 

The social cohesion that results from emotional labour 

The ‘hidden’ aspect of emotional labour because so much is in our head 

The additional emotional labour often involved for people who are vulnerable in someway to partake in activities – differences of power 

The emotional labour involved in facilitating children’s and family social activities

Consent – reflections about pushing past our own consent and that of our child’s to maintain social comfort

Tending first to the person who feels the least safe or most impacted 

That it’s okay for people not to be happy all the time and recognizing that we simply can’t be the fixers of all things 

Tolerating an array of emotions – in our society, not all emotions are welcome and that can complicate modelling and expression

Recognizing and acknowledging the emotional labour of our children and others as well 

Recognizing when we are filtering or editing  the expressions of our emotions for other people –  putting other people’s emotions ahead of ours and that we can choose to do that and it’s okay, but that it does come at a cost 

People having the opportunity to be on the receiving end of emotional labour as well 

The high capacity for men and boys to experience and act through empathy 

The social cost that sometimes happens for females when they don’t do the emotional labour that’s expected

People pleasing as currency 

The nuances of emotional intelligence and the ways kids develop and show it 

Making a choice of how much to give and when not to put others ahead

Seeing emotional labour as truly valuable, not just expected

Giving ourselves grace and creating room for our own rest, time and care 

Resources:

Emotional Labour – Rose Hackman 

Sage Family podcast – Rachel Rainboldt

Fed Up – Gemma Hartley

The Powerful Purpose of Introverts – Holley Gerth