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Daniel dan Holland go to psychologist.
Psychologist joins us for a deep dive.
Are you well? I am?
How are you?
All's well with my soul?
Sounds good?
Is that fundamentally where my essence resides in my soul? And then how do I fix my soul? If if I'm not a piece?
I mean?
The interesting part is is that different places have different definitions of where the soul is. For some people it's at the bottom of the foot with a you.
Where does your soul reside?
I couldn't resist that. For some it's a hard thing. For some it's somewhere in the solar plexa. For some it's in the mind. But I think, you know, one of the most beautiful things about this planet is we have these beautiful different worldviews, and each worldview has its own wisdom and has its own brilliance and a way in the world. Can you really explore other worldviews? In
South Africa we are beautiful. I think that that's one of the reasons why, especially in the rugby we are as strong as we are because of the embracing of the different cultures of rugby that's taken place. I mean a master class from RUSSI to get an all blacks attack line coach in and and we'll reap the benefits of that.
So your answer is take the soul out of the equation. Let's get to the urban all or to the therapy.
Right.
Well, I think that that's sort of where where the interesting part is is that, No, I don't think we can do that. I think that there is definitely this concept of this and I think you know, that's one of the most interesting parts of my profession is we said right in the middle of biology and philosophy, if you like, about the physical self, but also the meaningful self. I mean something that you said a bit earlier, you know, chemical imbalances, is that everything we do is chemical balances
and imbalances and then balances and then imbalances. I mean even talking now, there's chemicals at play in regards to what we do. Depending on the topic, line depends on the emotions that I show. Sometimes I can hold it and sometimes you or I get really heated in regards
to the conversation. That's chemical plays. So I think what becomes A bit of a problem is when we get into habits, and one of the biggest difficulties is the fact that we need we need our emotions in order to be able to socially engage with us with each other. Remember that human beings we have our own instinct, you know, as finder instinct is to spin a web, but beaver's instinct is to make a damn and humans instinct is to create large societies. That's why we second on the
food chain. I think viruses have beaten us. Now we're second on the food chain.
But some would argue old question who created the virus?
That's also true, but maybe there's also our need to be in control. But the thing is, in regards to societies, it means that our biggest natural enemy is ourselves, and so communities and social social gathering, social communities. We need to be able to figure out in a very short period of time who are the people we can trust and who are the people that we don't trust. And I never trust somebody who asked me to trust them in two minutes or five minutes or on the basis
sometimes on the basis of a credential. But I would have to do some background checks on that, and you should do background checks on all the experts that speak. Concluding myself, but I think in line with that, our emotions go a long way in being able to communicate to us what our system is picking up. Happiness teaches us to be grateful. The function of happiness as gratitudes that. The function of anxiety is to warn the function of excitement is to anticipate and plan. That the function of
sadness is to bring meaning. The function of anger is to protect what we risk of being hurt. So each emotion that we have, in its right way plays an important function to us. That's why we wouldn't want to be without any emotion. If you don't believe me, what's worse than being anxious when a dog is chasing you is not being anxious when it does chasing you, Then
you're going to be in trouble. And I think in that line, the problem is that sometimes an emotion can give us a drive and ageneraline rush or a response, or whatever the case might be, and as a result of that we can become more productive. So, for example, anxiety is a good example of that. Too little anxiety and you get bored. Too much anxiety and you get overwhelmed. So there's a sweet point in between. But the problem is that humans are incredibly adaptive animals. You know that
they talk about a frog. If you put a frog in boiling water, you'll jump out, But if you put them in cold water and slowly warm the water up, the frog will stay there until the cook's alive. And as a result of it, as humans, we kind of do a similar thing is we allow ourselves and myself included, I thought for this all the time, but we allow ourselves to work in environments and conducts that we want
to normalize or becomes normalized. For example, I often find in my therapy room and I do deal with communities such as Landsdowne, Bounty of all new fields. That's certain of my clients all don't don't get traumatized by listening
to gunshots at night. That they've gotten used to it, And for me, it's a useful example in my head constantly that irregardless of whether or not I accidentally cut my finger with a very sharp knife or a surgeon very delicately makes a cut on my finger, both instances, my finger will bleed, and in a very similar way, irregardless if I'm used to it, I'm not used to it. I'm going to have an anxious response when my automated
responses are targeted. I might be very good at being able to turn it off, but only a split second or two split seconds later. In other words, the accumulation of this will have an effect, you know, irregardless of whether or not are closed that weren't quickly and rub it, there's still going to be a laceration on my finger. And I think we underestimate that as human beings. So what happens is we have if you like a two liter bottle of water, that's the tolerance of which we
are able to anticipate and engage with life. But if we give away a liter a liter and a half a liter in three quarters, then somebody comes in with a small glass of water for us to hold, but we suddenly can't hold it anymore, and then we think of ourselves as weak, but we don't realize it's because we're holding already one and a half one and three quarter liters of water, liters of difficulties in our system, and we have this expectation of ourselves that we should
be able to hold more than what is actually humanly capable.
Yeah, I've got to do a litmus test on that, on that water. What is the condition of that water that you are retaining? And then you say it's a chemical imbalance. You say that we can condition or we can also naturally balance the chemicals in the event of an imbalance. Of course, we can take the pull that would then counterbalance and the imbalance, whatever the case may be.
There's a whole lot there that you said, and there's a whole lot that we're going to get use and use with Clarence Forward, share your perspective only talk ten fifty two.
D's has your soul? Do you have a soul? Is your soul healthy?
And I'm not talking about that soul at the bottom of your shoe? Were chatting to Daniel den Hollander is a psychologist and he joins us regularly.
We do a little bit of a deep dive, not quite sure where we're gonna.
End up, and I guess today is no different. But a message in via what's happened? Oh seven two five six seven one five six seven, Please repeat what each emotion represents that has just been listed by your guest. Example, anger, equals protection of ourselves.
Et cetera.
Yeah, I'm happy to do.
They're like deeper meaning to all of these emotions.
Yeah, So what I was saying was that the we need the emotions in order to be able to socially engage with each other, and it serves a very good protective value, so to name it out the top of my head. So, happiness teaches us how to be grateful, and anxiety teaches us it's a warning sign. I think of like a smoke detector. It is warning us that something is not okay, something is not right. Excitement, which is in a sense the same kind of energy, if
you like, as anxiety. Excitement teaches us to anticipate, and with excitement often comes in preparation. I sometimes think of excitement and anxiety as like the acceleration and the brake pedal of something that's happening in the future. So excitement and anxiety are very much us living in the future. Sadness is about meaning. I think nothing illustrates her better than the movie Inside Out, the first one. It really
explains that brilliantly. But it's you know, most people, when you ask them what's their favorite song, won't tell you a happy song, they'll usually tell you a sad song because a sad song has much more meaning for them. And so sadness brings us to meaning and anger brings us to protection. I think of a mama bear when I think of anger, so that's also the way that I remember them. And you know, the important thing is
that this is also a very important part. We highly overestimate how we're aware we are of our own feelings. In fact, most of the time I'm not even aware that there's any emotion on my face. Somebody else has to tell me that has happened. I'm sure it's happened to the listeners. That happens to me too. We highly overestimate how and touch you out with our feelings. Yet we're very very good at being able to tell the person that's coming into the room what emotion is on
their face. We can actually do it usually quicker than they are aware of it themselves, and they don't even have to say a word. We know exactly what question to ask and where to go with them. So I think in that regards as well, is it's usually a good indicator if somebody says to you that you love and that you trust, and that is not out there with an ulterior motive. If they say to you, hey, something's wrong, you need to go and sort yourself out or get yourself checked in, Go and do it.
Okay, So then we go up. It answers that question. So you can again just so that I can understand you're saying. Emotions is like an instinct. You can rationalize yourself outside of that instinct.
It's part of an instinct. The instinct is the ability to be able to create an enormous amount of relationships. So this is where it gets interesting. So from mammals, the closest mammal to us in regards to relationship building is a volved monkey that can generate about or maintain sixty relationships in a lifetime. We manage two hundred and
fifty relationships in the lifetime. But that's why we're on top in regards to the numbers on the planets and the seven billion human beings and the next two mammals below us. What we cultivate to eat, So the ability to be able to have language, the ability to become emotionally aware with each other are incredibly important parts of ourselves that allow us to be able to create two hundred and fifty relationships during a lifetime. And we know that,
for example, those parts of the brain. You know, that's why it takes so long for us to get independent. So Springbok can already walk within less than a day.
Let's just just wrap up again, because when we are unable to get the body to find the balance, the chemical balance to create the other chemicals to bring it to even keel, when we are unable to think away into that kind of balance, when do we go for the alternative?
So the problem is the problem is we usually go to the to seek help way too late. That's the problem. So if you come in too late, your system is so overwhelmed. If you think of like a car, you know, if a car is already making noises, you should take it to the to the but we don't. We put the music one louder, We question whether or not the noise was really there, and we get there only when there's a proper leakage, and then there's a big repair.
Then you need an engine, a new engine exactly.
And I think it's it's exactly the same with our bodies. So in regards with our minds, when we start to do erratic behavior. If our sleeping pattern is out, if our eating pattern is out, if we are having nightmares constantly, if we are starting to get stomach ulcers. Well, there's a whole array of different ways in which our system isn't running as it should. If the longer that we wait, the more serious it needs. So often the medication comes in.
When I cannot manage you from session to session, then I need psychiaty to come in and be able to help the hard way.
I think we understand that I'm gonna bank what Kim shares via WhatsApp, and I want you to say a or nay. Emotions are fantastic as guides, but should not rule us.
Yea, nothing should rule us.
I like that Kim. Emotions are fantastic as guides.
But don't let it own you inside out. Too beautiful depiction of exactly that, But.
It's going to be a late news bulletin. Unfortunately. It's like that with Daniel Dean Hollander.
I go to psychologists a deep dive in the state of the human condition.