School Leaders Who Think They’re Great: A Comedy Special - Part 2

Attention students , I mean listeners . The stories in this podcast are told from the host's personal and farcical point of view . All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities . Now get to Vice Principal Unauficed . Hope you're all doing well . I wanted to give you a quick update on two things .

One , my mom , or as everyone calls her , nana , had hip replacement surgery last week . Don't worry , we recorded this episode in advance and she's doing well . Knowing Nana , she'll be running marathons and sipping wine in no time . Gotta love that little Italian lady . And two , I had a glitch with the Vice Principal Unauficed Facebook page .

It is now reloaded and the link is updated on my website . Thank you for your patience with this one . Alright , let's get into it . Here's part two of School Leaders who Think they're Great a comedy special . Like I said last week , I could tell K-12 public school leader stories all day long , which is kind of a scary thought when you think about it .

But folks , rest assured , despite some of the self-imposed chaos that these school leaders created , I know they did their best , okay , okay , I'll admit that some school leaders best isn't even close to other school leaders absolute worst . But according to some K-12 public school boards , these special administrators were hired to do the job despite any flaws .

So what are you going to do ? Grab your popcorn and snap on those earbuds Because , as I say , you can't make this shit up . Oh , lisa Ann , sorry , mom , but even you found these school leader antics entertaining over the years . So let's jump into part two of School Leaders who Think they're Great , a comedy special .

Now , as I've said before , being a K-12 public school leader is a balancing act . So many plates to keep spinning . It's really hard for a school leader to run back and forth in their big squeaky clown shoes trying as best they can to successfully perform their spinning plate act for the circus audience . Seriously , it is .

Think about it . The poor clown of an administrator has to continually spin a budget cut plate , an angry parent plate , a dumb teacher decision plate , a student prank gone wrong plate , a broken vending machine plate , and somewhere amongst all the trivial plate shit is the instructional leadership plate , which is supposed to be the most important plate .

The clown has to keep spinning , but this plate is usually the first plate that crashes to the floor . Why ? Well , I think the instructional leadership plate crashes for one of two reasons . One , like I've said before , there are not enough hours in the day for a building school leader to complete all the tasks needed to keep those plates spinning .

Or two , not all school leaders are good at creating and implementing solid classroom instruction , so they avoid the instructional leadership plate . I mean , becoming really good at classroom instruction takes practice Ask any teacher .

And most school leaders simply don't have the time to practice their instructional leadership because there are way too many fucking plates to keep spinning . And I get it . I loved classroom instructional stuff but I avoided budgeting crap because numbers are hard for me , which I know sounds weird , but numbers appear backwards to me . I'm serious .

I have to say individual numbers of a phone number out loud as I punch into my cell phone , because I mix up the numbers if I don't , and sometimes it takes me a couple of tries to punch in the number correctly . So obviously I avoid dealing with budget stuff . Don't worry , my husband .

He was an econ major , so he's in charge of anything with numbers in our house . Not to mention , very few people can be great at everything a job requires of them . So a school leader who can spin all the plates really well is a rare find it is . Most people are just good at many aspects of their job , but not great .

Of course there are those people who , well , they can only handle a few of their required job tasks , and even then it's questionable if the person is inept at their job or completely stressed out by their job .

Either way , I've worked with some school leaders who avoid the heavy task plates and instead focus on spinning the plate of work a circus monkey could be hired to do . Don't believe me ? Then let me tell you about one school superintendent I worked for who took on the job of wait for it getting the school mail .

Every day , right after my lunch duty , I would head to my office and look out my office window . Hold on a minute . Yes , I actually had an office window , but only twice in my whole career . So every day I'd look out my office window and watch the superintendent walk down the street to get the school mail from the post office . Huh , I kid you not .

The dude who was paid more than anyone else in the entire district had the task of getting the school mail . I don't know if this task was self-imposed , but it seemed like a waste of time and money for the superintendent to do it . I mean , think of all the plates a superintendent has to spin .

Now , this town wasn't a little house on the prairie where you had to walk across the dirt road to get your mail and packages from the Wells Fargo wagon delivery . And I assume the town had a mailman to deliver the mail , considering we were in the latter half of the 20th century .

I mean , I didn't see small groups of town folk gathering at noon as they waited for the daily mail-in-package distribution . But then again , maybe I was wrong . Oh guess what ? I wasn't wrong . I'm rarely wrong . Just ask my husband . That is correct .

Anyway , for some odd reason , male pickup was the duty of that superintendent at this district , and we wonder why it takes K-12 public education so long to evolve . Oh people , now , before I move on , I do want to say that no matter what position I worked in a school , I always jumped in to help and get the needed job done .

So what I mean is I've mopped floors , picked up trash , moved , furniture , answered , phones subbed and more . I guess my parents raised me to understand that , even if it's not your job , pitch in . But allowing a superintendent to take a daily leisurely walk to get the mail uptown every day doesn't quite seem like a good use of taxpayer dollars .

As for the mailman superintendent , they were extremely nice but kind of mumbled when they spoke .

I really had to listen closely when the superintendent talked because their words would sound mushed together and at the time I didn't need a hearing aid though I probably need one now , and who knows , maybe the superintendent did too , because I don't ever recall them speaking publicly no graduation speech , no staff speeches .

Speaking publicly no graduation speech , no staff speeches . Nothing that I can remember . But I do remember watching

them eat a school lunch . Holy shit people . Food would literally fly out of this mailman extraordinaire's mouth when they were eating . No one wanted to sit too close and no one wanted to sit directly across from the superintendent during lunchtime .

You know , come to think of it , maybe getting the school mail was about all this superintendent could handle , but you have to admit , watching this messy eater deliver a graduation speech would have been very entertaining , you know , kind of like watching the impressive clergyman officiate the marriage in the movie the Princess Bride and love to love will follow you

forever , with a little extra spit , of course . Oh , please tell me you've watched Rob Reiner's the Princess Bride movie . It's a classic . Put it on your must-see list .

Speaking of graduation speeches , as a vice principal I always had the privilege to be on stage for the graduation ceremony because I had to read the names of seniors as they came forward to receive their diploma , and I kind of liked it . I had a clear view of everyone in the audience , which I found to be very entertaining .

I'd compare it to watching a great 80s comedy . You know sleeping grandpas , misbehaving children , photo-happy parents and the grumpy cat band director who just wanted to finish pomp and circumstance and go home , which is usually how I felt too by the time the damn ceremony was over home . Which is usually how I felt too by the time the damn ceremony was over .

Because , believe me when I say some school leaders should not be allowed to speak at high school graduation ceremonies , why ? Well , because , like I explained in part one , some school leaders suck at public speaking . In fact , I worked for one school superintendent who gave a whole new meaning to the dreaded graduation speech . Time out Stop that band .

That song is way too dignified for this story . Ah , much better . Okay , now on with our story . You see , this long-winded bloat of a superintendent would drone on for what felt like an eternity . Two minutes in usually resulted in everyone tuning out , except for the communication director who had actually written the graduation speech for the superintendent .

And every year I kind of look forward to watching the poor communication director work through a myriad of emotions as the superintendent navigated their way through their graduation speech .

Sometimes during the superintendent's graduation speech , I would see the communication director move into their emotion of control and mouth the words the superintendent was saying or supposed to be saying .

I think this ritual helped ease the fears of the communication director because they looked more at ease when their words matched what the superintendent was saying to the audience . However , I could tell when the superintendent was strained too far from the communication director's written speech , from the shade of red the communication director's face was turning One year .

I watched the communication director hold their breath as their face turned redder than 99 red balloons . You know the song and it's kind of a fitting song , considering the song is about miscommunication and the fear of impending danger . Anyway , the look of reddened horror growing on the communication director's face made me glance at the superintendent .

The leader of the school district , who made well over six figures , stood on the graduation stage at the podium , rubbing the inside corner of their eye with an ink pen while delivering their speech .

This strange gesture grabbed the audience's attention , which was probably because rubbing your eye with an ink pen while giving a supposed motivating speech to youth that are about to embark on their life's journey isn't something a person sees every day . But wait , it gets better .

For reasons I'll never know , the superintendent then drifted into a strange analogy of cell phones . The speech turned into a bit of an infomercial for the Sprint company , which I think is now T-Mobile . Regardless , the superintendent was comparing Sprint phone plans to parenting . I kid you not .

I will say the superintendent's speech was a masterpiece of unintentional comedy . I glanced around and saw smiles , smirks , chuckles and pure confusion throughout the event center . One front row graduate was struggling so hard to hold in their laughter . They had actual tears running down their face by the end of the speech .

And to top it off , the principal next to me got the giggles , full body twitches and all . I tried a subtle elbow jab to the ribs to stop them but failed . And by the end of the bloat of a superintendent's speech , we both let out an unfortunate and loud snort heard around the room .

As for the superintendent , I have no idea what they're doing now , but I sure as hell hope it doesn't involve public speaking . Who knows , maybe they're selling cell phone plans . Unfortunately , this awful graduation speech was not the only bad speech I had to sit through during my career . I once worked for a principal I'll call Principal Simpleton , whose sole job

at graduation was to introduce the valedictorian of the graduating class A rather simple task , if you ask me . Principal Simpleton began introducing the valedictorian praising this young graduate's outstanding grades , leadership skills , athletic abilities and , more Honestly , the kid earned it . They did it all .

I thought Principal Simpleton did an okay job with their valedictorian introduction , until the end of the introduction that went something like this Folks , this young person , is to be commended for their accomplishments and is someone we should all be very impressed by .

Not only is this valedictorian talented musically and athletically , but they are someone who is truly academically challenged . Did you catch that Principal Simpleton said academically challenged . Did you catch that Principal Simpleton said academically challenged ?

Of course the audience and graduates burst into laughter and Principal Simpleton turned beet red as they stumbled through the last few sentences of their speech . Then , with their still 99 red balloon face , principal Simpleton shook the valedictorian's hand .

The valedictorian was a classy kid and handled the situation with grace , but that can happen when your students are smarter than the school leaders . Now I've worked with some school leaders who are very smart , have great personalities and truly know how to lead a school . But these same people also provided me with some needed comic relief .

Over the years I had the opportunity to work with one 50-ish aged lady who took her job very seriously . She was always punctual , had her makeup in place and professionally dressed , which meant she wore a dress , pantyhose yes , I said pantyhose and heels every single day . Again , with the damn heels , come to think of it .

I think I only saw this school leader in pants a few times and she never wore jeans . This fine lady also followed the school rules to AT , so much so that she carried a kitchen knife used to cut up her lunch in a cracker box because she felt so uncomfortable having a knife at school . For fuck's sake , it was a kitchen knife to cut up a lunch Whatever .

But I did respect this woman so I knew not to joke around too much with her . She was a bit old school , if you know what I mean . Work is work , play is play . Rarely , the two shall cross . Yeah , I can't operate that way , but I tried for the sake of my co-worker's sanity .

Anyway , this fine lady and I worked on the second floor and , much like no air conditioning , there was no restroom on the second floor .

The restroom was located on the first floor , just off the student commons area , and , as you can guess , it was no short walk to the restroom , especially if it was passing time , because you had to navigate your way through hundreds of kids making their way to the same restroom before their next class .

Yes , there were faculty restrooms , but those restrooms were even further away . So my coworker and I resorted to using the same restroom as the kids . One day my coworker went downstairs and walked through the student commons area to use the restroom . Perfectly normal and perfectly okay , except it was passing time .

So when this serious , matronly school leader finally made their way back upstairs , I about fell over as I watched her walk into her office . This dignified woman had mistakenly tucked the back of her billowy dress into her pantyhose , which meant everyone and their brother could see this stately woman's underwear . Now , at first I thought this is too funny .

I'm going to see how long it takes her to notice , but I knew I had to tell her . When she came right back out of her office to talk to me about work , she clearly had no idea . The back of her dress was tucked into her pantyhose .

Now , as you can probably guess , this serious leader of a lady was totally mortified and literally covered her mouth in horror . When I delivered the news that half of the student body had likely seen her underwear , she quickly yanked her dress out of her pantyhose and marched back into her office . She didn't leave her office for the rest of the day .

Now , in case you didn't know , being a school leader sometimes requires you to do things you never thought a person in charge of running a school would do . Of course , some of the stuff a school leader gets to do is fun and other stuff not so much . Of course , I much prefer the fun stuff , because the fun stuff makes me think .

Maybe this is why I stayed in education for 38 years . Then again , I still haven't solidified my answer on that . Okay , here's a little story on something fun that I got to do . I worked for one boss who was in charge of way too many spinning plates . The district office leaders pretty much had this person doing basically everything they didn't want to do .

Their method of pass-the-buck leadership drove me fucking crazy , because that meant I was often left alone to run a large building , which I did an excellent job , if I do say so myself . Luckily , my boss trusted me and we became good friends . So on those rare occasions when she was in the building , we had a very good time .

Don't worry , we still got the work done . Remember , it's okay to laugh and have a little fun at work . That's the stuff that builds camaraderie and , when done correctly , can increase productivity . So where was I with this story ? Oh yeah , one day my boss and I were asked to be taste

testers for the culinary semester test . We were always happy to help our teachers . I mean , you don't have to tell us twice when food was involved . Plus , we usually loved the food concoctions our young student chefs created . I said usually . As for the taste testing semester test , my boss and I were asked to judge plates of pork chops and veggies .

Of course my brain kept saying pork chops and applesauce Ain't that swell , like Peter Brady , you know from the Brady Bunch . Oh , for the love of goulash , which I love , my mom's goulash . Please tell me , everyone out there has watched at least one episode of the Brady Bunch . It was one of Sherwood Schwartz's greatest creations . And there was no applesauce .

So veggies . It was Now . When my boss and I strolled into the classroom , we were greeted by a lineup of student-made plates that were arranged as if the kids were auditioning for Top Chef High School Edition . Some of these young chefs had real talent , and others , well , they tried .

Oh , I should warn you , if you've never judged a taste test before , your stomach will be fuller than a lost and found bin at the end of a school year , and when pork chops are involved , that fullness hits fast . But I like a little competition . So , with my fork in hand , I powered through plate after plate like a true champion .

My boss was equally determined and kept pace with me until we reached the final stretch . That's when she suddenly dropped her fork and walked out of the classroom without a word , which was a bit odd for her . I didn't think anything of my boss leaving the room . School leaders disappear all the time , usually to handle some stupid hallway crisis .

I figured if my boss needed me , my walkie-talkie would start screeching . So I soldiered on my gut at capacity and finished my task . And sure enough , the moment I waddled back to the main office yes , I said waddled my walkie-talkie crackled to life with my boss's voice Lisa , come help me , I'm in the student restroom , I'm choking .

I grabbed a colleague and ran . Well , I hobbled fast . I've had five knee surgeries , but in an emergency I can run like a young Forrest Gump hardware and all . But in an emergency , I can run like a young Forrest Gump hardware and all .

So as we skidded into the bathroom , we could hear gagging noises coming from the stall , which was followed by a hoarse confession I'm choking on a pork chop . I paused for a second and then told my boss if she could talk . She wasn't totally choking . My colleague and I then heard a dramatic sigh like a middle schooler .

Eventually , my boss stumbled out of the stall red-faced , teary-eyed and kind of gasping , half from near death and half from laughter . And then , in a final act of dignity loss , she admitted that she had peed herself . I looked at my boss and lost it . I asked her why she hadn't said something in the classroom .

I didn't want to scare the kids or make them think I hated their pork chops . I responded with a quick clearly you did . To which my boss then croaked between laughs and coughs Fuck you , I'm never eating another damn pork chop ever again . And she meant it , because pork chops and public humiliation just don't mix .

As for my boss , she really did go home because she really had peed herself . Like I told you earlier , you can't make this shit up . You know , folks , I could go on with dysfunctional K-12 school leadership stories all day long , which is kind of scary . But don't worry , a K-12 school has to have a leader . So there will be more

school management mishap stories told in future episodes . So for now I'll give you a few more short clips . Like I once worked with one dear old administrator who had received a very nice state association award , of course the school wanted to honor this leader .

So on the day of the celebration , this bashful Bowie stood in front of the entire staff and gave a heartwarming speech . Now I have to say that at any other time a speech like this would have moved people to tears , but this time , bashful Bowie's speech had a different effect . Bowie's speech had a different effect .

As bashful Bowie was speaking , I looked around the room . Oddly . I could see some people with their lips pressed tightly together , while other people stared directly at the floor . And I saw a few staff members' shoulders shake as they failed at their attempt to choke back their little snorts of laughter . I wasn't sure what the staff found so funny .

So I repositioned myself in the room , only to discover that Bashful Bowie had clearly used the restroom before this little ceremony . Or I hope they used the restroom because they had forgotten to zip up their pants before addressing the faculty .

So there on display for everyone to see was the bottom of Bashful Boy's white dress shirt parading out the fly of their pants . It was as if the shirt was giving a little military salute . You know , sharp , magnified and always at attention . You get what I mean . I know you do . Oh , bashful Bowie , they never did live that one down .

Anyway , the last tale I'll tell you is about a school leader who usually ruled with loving authority . However , there was one time this loving administrator gave the green light for a few senior boys to plastic wrap all of the lockers in the student commons . I'm talking about hundreds and hundreds of student lockers being plastic wrapped .

Of course , this benevolent administrator made this decision in isolation . Remember when I said earlier that making leadership decisions in isolation is a bad idea ? Well , it just is , because when students and staff arrived at school that day , all hell broke loose .

Kids were mad because they couldn't get in their locker , teachers were mad because kids were going to be late for class and they already had little instructional time with kids .

Custodians were mad because they knew they'd be the ones on cleanup duty , and the attendance secretary was mad because their job was to code student attendance and their workload had just quadrupled . As for me , I wasn't mad .

I was actually perplexed by the whole situation , and this was one of the few times in my career that I just went to my office and closed the door . I've seen them come , I've seen them go . Where they've gone , I do not know .

Yes , folks , I've been extremely blessed to work with many unique administrators who have said and done some very peculiar things while trying to keep the school circus plates spinning . Their work was much like the Dr Seuss book . If I Ran a Circus , you know , and I quote the circus McGurkis , the cream of the cream . The circus McGurkis , the circus supreme .

The circus McGurkis colossal , stupendous , astounding , fantastic , terrific , tremendous . End quote . Well , I'm not sure if their work was astounding , fantastic , terrific , tremendous , but more along the lines of confounding , a bit spastic , horrific and senseless .

And while I'm sure these school leaders' intentions were well-intended , I have to wonder what in the hell were they thinking ?

I know that K-12 public schools are required to have licensed school leaders who meet the qualifications for the job , but birdseed as a discipline tactic Nasty grammy baskets , ink pens in your eye or , better yet , stealing from the student food pantry and sleeping on the job with drool . Come on , how do these people ever get selected for a school leadership job ?

Then again , maybe these school leaders were great when they started but truly lost all common sense when the stress of the job finally took its toll on them , because it can be extremely exhausting trying to run a school building full of hedonistic youth , egotistical teachers and totally imperceptive parents , and don't forget the power-hungry school board .

There were many years I had to work 50 to 70-hour work weeks as a vice principal , while still parenting two kids and a husband . The work never seemed to end , especially during homecoming week . Jesus , I hate homecoming week , but those long work weeks were simply expected . They weren't right , but they were expected .

And I'm all about hard work , but no one ever puts on their gravestone that a person worked harder and longer than anyone else . So I think you can understand that the never-ending work can drive a person crazy , especially when working with kids .

Luckily , after the pandemic happened , people woke up a little bit and realized working shouldn't be the main focus of a person's life 24-7 . And the good old boy system of I'm in charge , so do what I say , but don't expect me to do what I say , even though I make more money than you . Yeah , those days are kind of gone .

Plus , grown-ass adults should be smart enough to figure out how to balance their work life and be trusted to do so . I said should . So who do good school leaders , please first ? Definitely not the school board . The teachers ? No , because no matter what a school leader does , some teacher's still gonna hate the poor bastard in the morning . The parents ?

No , because parents look at their child through rose-colored glasses . Do good school leaders choose to put themselves first ? No , because odds are they've never put themselves first . So why start now ? Unless the school leader is a narcissist , you know the type of idiot who'd bring a mirror to a rescue mission just to make sure they're still the star of the show .

Luckily , those people never last too long on the job . Do school leaders put students first ? Yep , they do . K-12 education should always be about the students . I mean , isn't that why public education was invented ?

So , despite what some political leaders , school board members , district office personnel , teachers or parents think , children should always come first in K-12 education .

Though there will always be school leaders who don't quite get it and implement things like a pickle and potato character education program , or offer parents a sprint parenting plan upon the graduation of their child , with a free ink pen included with sign up .

Or those school leaders who choke not only on their food but on their choice of words choke not only on their food but on their choice of words .

So , in this ever hectic , wild and demanding world of education , I want to thank all school leaders for what they do their ability to spin the plates of insufficient budgets , irate parents , foolish federal and state mandates , pompous ass school board members , teachers who possess every type of personality known to this world and , of course , crazy kids , is truly

astonishing . Keep up the good work and thank you . Your stories are colossal , confounding , stupendous , astounding , terrific , horrific , tremendous and senseless , fantastic and a bit spastic Well , at least I think so . Well , kids , the dismissal bell is ringing . So until next time on .

Vice Principal on Office , push in your chair , put your name on your paper , be kind to your classmates , put away your phone and use your indoor voice , or not .

Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal on Office as much as I enjoyed sharing them , and it is also my hope that you were not only entertained by this episode , but that you walked away with a little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart .

Like I've said before , life is short , so you gotta do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here . And , of course , for the love of God , see the humor in life . It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ick in life with a smile on your face .

Trust me , with what I've experienced throughout my career , I'd be like a cantankerous geriatric lady who makes coffee , nervous if I hadn't smiled through the ick . Catch you next week on Vice Principal on Office .

Next week on Vice Principal on Office , join me , lisa Hill , as I tell you some tales of faculty members who just couldn't quite follow all the school rules . These stories will make you laugh but at the same time leaving you wondering if these educators failed their good choices . 101 class From having a

total lack of common sense to literally breaking the law . Some of the K-12 public school educators I've worked with made me wonder how these people survived adulthood , let alone secured employment . So tune in , because this is one episode you won't want to miss .

Hey , students I mean listeners thanks again for tuning in and if you've enjoyed today's show , please leave me a review . It really helps grow the show . And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode . Trust me , you don't want to be late for this detention .

And , listeners , if you've got a school story of your own that you'd like to share with Vice Principal in Office , I'd love to hear it . Just head over to my podcast website and fan mail , or email me your story and , who knows , your story might even get a shout out on a future episode . Thanks so much for listening and for your support .

Vice Principal in Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me , lisa Hill , and supported through Buzzsprout . Any information from today's show , along with any links and resources , are available in the show's notes .

So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned , head over to my podcast website and check it out . And a big thank you to Matthew Chiam with Pixabee for the show's marvelous theme music and , of course , a huge shout out to my mother .

This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only , like the recess of your day , and not a platform for debates about public education , though you never know , you could learn something .

And just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations , and also reflect my unique perspective through humor , names , dates and interpretations . And also I'll reflect my unique perspective through humor .

Names , dates and places have been changed or admitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable . Until next time , keep laughing and learning .