3 Rules, People!

Thanks for joining me , your host , lisa Hill , as I tell you some tales about faculty members who just couldn't quite follow all the school rules .

From mind-boggling lapses in common judgment to skirting the law like it's an elective , some of the K-12 public school educators I've worked with left me genuinely puzzled , wondering how these people ever managed to navigate adulthood , let alone land a job with actual responsibilities . So fire up your favorite podcast platform and let's get laughing and learning .

Trust me , your ears will thank you . Attention students I mean listeners . The stories in this podcast are told from the host's personal and farcical point of view . All names and identifiers have been omitted or altered to protect identities . Now get to class and enjoy the show .

Hello folks , before we dive into our new episode , I just want to thank everyone for all the love and support for Vice Principal on Office . My mom and I truly appreciate it and we're having a blast with this new adventure . Also , a quick update on my mom , or Nana , to all of you . She is recovering well from her hip surgery .

I feel so blessed to be spending so much time with my mom in my retirement . I cherish every moment with that little Italian lady .

Okay , I'd better jump into our Three Rules People episode because , as you know , it's only a matter of time before my mom starts reprimanding me again , and I gotta say I have many tales to tell about K-12 educators who couldn't quite follow all the school rules , despite those rules being spelled out in the employee handbook , federal and state laws and the duh

section of one's conscience , which might lead you to ask me how hard can it be to follow the do's , don'ts and seriously don'ts guidebook if your job is working with kids , especially if you're the one that's supposed to teach kids how to follow the rules of life , opposed to teach kids how to follow the rules of life Apparently ?

It's really , really , really hard for some adults to follow the do's , don'ts and seriously don'ts guidebook , though unfortunately , I can't tell you exactly why it's hard for some of these grown-ass adults to follow rules and laws , but I can tell you that most K-12 public schools make their employees sign some form of acknowledgement that confirms they have read and

understand the Do's , don'ts and Seriously Don'ts guidebook which drives their work and citizenship . And if a school doesn't , well , that's on them . But seriously , I witnessed some strange work ethic shit that you cannot make up . Really , lisa Ann , this is your continued word choice . Sorry , mom , but it's true .

Sometimes the adults were worse than the kids , from kleptomaniac teachers to coaches decorating their office with a life-size cutout of the Dos Equis' Most Interesting man in the World . I think I've seen it all , though I gotta say the Dos Equis dude was handsome , but beer displays in public schools are a huge no-no .

Believe me when I say some of the decisions school employees made while at work were mind-blowing , which is why I titled this episode Three Rules People .

Of course I really wanted to call this episode hey Staff , just Do your Frickin' Job and let's Make a Deal that you Will Do your Job and Won't Steal or Touch Kidddos okay , because the stories in this episode about staff following rules are probably one of the top reasons why I finally decided to retire .

Both times , I'm telling you , during my 38-year career , there were weeks that the adults kept me way busier than the kids did , which is why , when I became an administrator , I'd stand before the staff at the start of every school year and ask them to follow three simple rules .

I even threw out prizes during this annual meeting to staff who could correctly name the three simple rules . Remember , despite the seriousness of my three simple rules , you still got to have fun . Anyway , I promised our team that if they followed my three simple rules , they would have a great year and a great career and my workload would be cut in half .

So what are my three simple rules ? Well , they're pretty simple . They are one don't touch kids . Two don't steal . And three just do your damn job . Yep , pretty simple , don't you think ? Of course , no , not quite . I mean , I

thought these three simple rules were pretty self-explanatory and incredibly easy to follow , because these rules did cover state and federal laws and any lengthy employee handbook shit . But apparently some employees didn't quite understand these three simple rules .

Or they fell asleep during my yearly 10-minute lecture these three simple rules or they fell asleep during my yearly 10-minute lecture . Cause , whoa baby , robert Zemeckis was right when he had Forrest Gump say stupid is as stupid does . Oh , tell me , everyone out there has at least watched one scene from Forrest Gump . I was very , very pregnant .

When I saw Forrest Gump at a movie theater , my husband and I also saw my obstetrician and priest at the movie , which was probably a weird omen of things to come . Now I know we all do stupid things at work and even in life sometimes , because life happens .

So maybe these school employees that did stupid shit were tired or preoccupied with family priorities , or maybe they were just bored . Boredom is usually what gets me . Yeah , I'll be the first to admit , I've done some stupid things at work because I was bored , which is weird because there's not a lot of downtime when working in a K-12 school .

It's true , kids are only in public school for about 180 days a year , so working in a school means it's peddled with a medal for those 180 days Because , unlike the business world , public schools have a short window to crank out their product before shutting down production for three months , and to me that feels a little archaic . I mean , it's 2025 .

Shouldn't K-12 schools be year-round by now ? I believe the product schools are producing is one of the most important products needed in America today . What product could K-12 schools possibly produce ? Glad you asked and here's your answer .

K-12 schools have the responsibility of producing high quality instruction in numerous curricular areas that advance kids' learning , so kids are prepared for our future . Yes , I said our future because , like Whitney Houston saying , we need to teach students well because they are our future and they will have to take care of us in our old age . Sorry for the rant .

Let me get back to boredom and tell you a story of what happened when I became bored at school . One professional development day , when students were not at school , a colleague and I actually took a couch out of the staff lounge and hauled it across the building to a teacher's classroom , only to put the couch across the teacher's desk for fun .

I remember one summer when I was required to work , my colleagues and I papered someone's office because we were bored . Yes , we had finished our required work and then decided to have some fun . Don't believe me ? Check out the photo I uploaded to my Instagram . You can find the link on my vice principal and office website .

You can find the link on my vice principal and office website . So , as you can clearly see , I don't do well with a lot of downtime and I'm pretty sure I was that kid in school , honest to God . I remember putting a tack on my third grade teacher's chair , which leads me to ask myself one , why did I do that ?

And two , how bored was I to come up with that idea ? I don't know . You know , I should probably apologize to my teachers or , better yet , maybe they should apologize to me Because I was bored at school and did just enough to turn a B in any class . I mean , b's got me into college and graduate school and B's got me jobs , so B's it was .

As for me and my career , I always delivered quality work on time and , yes , even the stupid tasks that made me question my career choice were done on time and well , made me question my career choice were done on time and well , and my yearly reviews were great , except I once had a boss that told me I worked too fast and another boss that said I needed to

develop more patience with people Easily two of the strangest critiques I've ever received . For the love of golf goals , people .

If my biggest flaws were efficiency and a perceived lack of patience remember , I have a master's degree in counseling well then , I was a pretty damn good employee , because not only did I do my job , I did it well , not to mention , I never stole anything .

My parents would have killed me if I stole something and of course , I never touched a kid beyond a light hug when needed , with other people watching , of course , or maybe a fist bump or high five , because there's a line a school employee never crosses when it comes to kids . At least sane adults never , ever cross that line .

At least sane adults never , ever cross that line . Now , being a mom of boys and working in K-12 schools for a long time , I'm just going to say kids are gross . Yeah , some kids are grosser than others and luckily 95% of kids grow out of their grossness , but kids are gross , gross . I mean .

Just watching kids attempt to get through a school day solidifies my thinking . Greasy hair , zits , body odor , bad makeup attempts , braces , unbrushed furry teeth . Doesn't matter what grade kids are in , they're gross . Well , except kindergartners they're cute , I know .

I remember my teenage years battling greasy hair like it was my full-time job , and sometimes I washed my hair twice a day just to keep the oil slick under control .

My face was always covered in enough zit cream to resemble a science experiment , but luckily , thanks to my gene pool , I dodged the braces bullet , though I can't promise you , I always brushed my teeth . Yet somehow , despite all my mishaps , my teenage brain was convinced I was totally crushing it .

Looking back on old pictures I am now totally convinced I was not . And I think boys are even worse . Remember , I'm a boy mom , so I can say that Because I lived with these little stinky grease monsters for years . I'm telling you the sheer level of stench a teenage boy can produce is beyond nauseating .

So why any adult would think a member of the Awkward Adventures is appealing is beyond me . Clearly , any adult who thinks a teenage boy is even a little bit attractive has lost all ability to make any good decision in their life . I mean yuck . Sorry , my dear sons , I loved you then and I still do .

But yuck to those grade school through high school years because they were more often than not disgusting . Even before I officially started my career , I learned that there were K-12 educators who were just stupid . When I was in college I did my student teaching practicum at a few different public schools .

One practicum placed me at a school where the supervising teacher never showed up . The person literally threw me the keys to the classroom on day one and said lock up when you're done . So I did . Luckily for me , there was another teacher who took me under their wings One day . I asked that angel of a teacher why my supervising teacher was never around .

It turned out my supervising teacher had recently remarried and was likely going home during their school day to be with their new spouse . Oh , newlyweds , you gotta love them , right ? Well , not so fast . My supervising teacher had married one of their former students who had just graduated the previous school year .

Um folks , there are only three months between school years . You hear what I'm saying ? That's not good . Now I believe rule number one of my three simple rules is the most important rule Don't touch kids . Yet there are K-12 dumbass educators who keep breaking it . And why ?

Just why it can't be that hard to follow the fucking laws designed to protect children , especially if you're a K-12 educator .

You should know that , according to the US Department of Education , title IX is a non-discrimination mandate that requires public schools to quickly respond to any misconduct that is seen as sex discrimination , which includes sexual violence and other forms of sexual harassment .

Public schools are also required to train staff who are involved in Title IX compliance and handle complaints , which means public schools must also have a Title IX coordinator If public schools fail to follow Title IX requirements , they risk losing federal funding .

It's also probably good for you to know that not all employees are required to receive training under Title IX , but I definitely recommend it . Me too . I was given the role of a level one investigator for the title nine reporting process in multiple school buildings . Of course , this was also one more plate I had to keep spinning to ensure student safety .

And no , I didn't get paid extra for taking the role . And when I took my appointed role of level one investigator , I never thought I'd actually have to do anything because I thought educators would follow the law .

Of course , this was just wishful thinking or my naivete , because , man , there were boneheaded educators out there who never , ever , should have been allowed to be around children . Even my teddy bear knows that's the truth . You need to know that .

I hate talking about sexual exploitation in schools , but I think it's a topic that needs to be discussed , and I have to say that investigating a sexual exploitation case was absolutely the worst part of my career .

Not to mention , I never understood , and still don't understand , how a K-12 school employee can break my first rule Don't touch kids . But employees did , no matter what role I was in teacher , counselor or vice principal .

Learning about that kind of behavior from my colleagues absolutely tore me apart and my heart broke for the child and their family who had to deal with such evilness . But my job as a level one investigator was to investigate the case and work through the Title IX process .

Yet over time I learned to compartmentalize my emotions to ensure every sexual exploitation case received the due diligence it deserved . Of course , some of the details I uncovered made me want to throw up or throat punch the perpetrator .

Yet I always remained professional and kept my true feelings hidden from the victim and their family , which is probably why I learned to compartmentalize my feelings . You know what always blew my mind with these Title IX cases ? It was learning that a colleague I had worked alongside and considered a friend had committed such an unspeakable act .

These deviant scumbags were masters at the art of deception . Their lies flowed smoother than a politician's campaign promises , and that's pretty smooth . Of course my heart wanted to believe these idiots , because who would hurt a child ? But my head told me to listen what these deviant dumbasses were really saying , because that's where the truth would be found .

I remember my body's reaction to one of the last Title IX cases I investigated , like it was yesterday . By that point in my career my brain had mastered the art of completely shutting off my emotions . I just sat at that table asking my questions and taking notes like a well-programmed machine .

But what really scared me was how empty I felt Even as the staff member recounted the awful details of the case . It was then that I realized I compartmentalized a little too well .

You should know I'm a person full of life , I operate with optimism , I love life and I know I'm only here for a short period of time , so I make the most of life and have fun . But that level one investigator shit took a toll on me . I hated the feeling of utter emptiness . It was eerie .

Of course I know I wasn't the one who had been violated , but after years of hearing so many disturbing cases , I think my brain simply decided to protect me . I remember feeling not only numb to what I was hearing but completely exhausted during that very last case . But there was no time for a break .

You can't just set aside a Title IX case for another day . These cases require immediate action and the rest of my work still had to get done . Keep in mind I was a licensed educator , not Detective Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU , but I completed my level one investigation and kept all the other school plates spinning , regardless of my emotional capacity .

How sad is that ? Very , very sad . Now I'm not going to share any details from the sexual exploitation cases I've handled , but I do want to shed a little light on traits predators share , such as subtle manipulations , carefully crafted deceptions and a disturbing ability to groom their victims .

And , from my experience , the educators I turned in all had one thing in common they were narcissistic . If there's one thing a narcissist excels at , it's earning people's trust , and the longer I worked in K-12 education , the better I became at spotting the red flags they threw out .

It's like when the hairs on the back of your neck stand up or your gut instinct kicks in . You just know . So you learn to keep one eye open whenever the icky person is in the room , and more often than not , my instincts were right . Of course , we all know that we live in a society where people are innocent until proven guilty . That's the rule .

But in K-12 education , observing adult behavior and truly listening to what is being said or not said became crucial , because sometimes the biggest warning signs aren't in what someone does , it's in the way they make you feel , and I wish I could say that . My first rule don't touch kids worked with staff , but unfortunately it didn't .

But I'm still sticking with my first rule people Don't touch kids , just don't , yeah , okay , moving on , my second rule for K-12 school employees is don't steal . Pretty simple rule , don't you think ? I think so , seriously , aren't we all taught in an early age not to steal ?

Even Hollywood movies provide the moral that bad things can happen to people who steal , though I don't think Hollywood heeds its own advice , but it really should . I mean really , it really should . I mean really really should , because the advice Hollywood movies gave audiences was good advice and done in an entertaining way . I'm serious , think about it .

Hollywood has produced a memorable kids movie on what happens to people who steal for every generation . In the 70s , director Mel Stewart gave us Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory . Our hearts broke as Charlie Bucket returned his everlasting gobstopper to Willy Wonka as an apology for stealing a little fizzy lifting drink .

Hell , charlie's gesture was so appreciated it landed the kid a frickin' chocolate factory . Now that's a great lesson in why not to steal . A person could get their own chocolate factory and own a flying elevator for not stealing .

And in the 80s children hid behind their popcorn boxes as they watched the Goonies sabotage the Fratelli family's plan of stealing One-Eyed Willie's loot . Of course the kids kept some jewels they found , but I think they deserved a little reward . And how much fun would that day have been as a kid . What a great movie . Thank you , steven Spielberg .

Of course the 90s gave us Christopher Columbus's movie Home Alone . You can't tell me you didn't root for Kevin McAllister as he wittingly defended his home from the wet bandits . That kid was a genius . And in the 2000s Hollywood attempted a remake of Willy Wonka . But man , that was a twisted movie .

Willy Wonka picks Charlie over the other kids because he was the best behaved . But Charlie's reward is an invitation to go and live with Willy Wonka and work in the chocolate factory . Thank God Charlie said no . The ending of this movie's version was terrible . Talk about creepy and a possible level one investigation what the hell ?

No offense , mr Depp , but I prefer Gene Wilder's Willy Wonka . I mean , no one else but Johnny Depp can play Captain Jack Sparrow , so no one else but Gene Wilder can play Willy Wonka , if you get what I mean , willy Wonka , if you get what I mean .

Anyway , the lesson of why people shouldn't steal has continuously played out in the entertainment world for decades . Yet there are still people who grow up and freaking steal . Don't believe me ? Listen to this next story . I once worked with a PE teacher who figured out that any classroom equipment they requested was always approved , no questions asked .

It didn't matter what they ordered . The budget office rubber-stamped their request every single time and no administrator ever stopped to ask hey , do we really need six pogo sticks and a fog machine for PE ?

So naturally , this PE teacher saw an opportunity and , being a little competitive , as PE teachers often are , they turned their spring budget request into a personal game . You see , every year the PE teacher would up the ante and order slightly pricier items , just to see if anyone would notice . And guess what Nobody ever did .

Then one fateful year , the PE teacher decided to go big and be all in for the win and submitted an order for wait for it a pool table . Yes , you heard me , a full-size , taxpayer-funded pool table . Now , the last time I checked , billiards 101 was not part of any PE curriculum .

So the only logical reason for ordering this thing was because they could but get this . The pool table was never set up at school Nope , never , rumor has it . The thing ended up in the PE teacher's basement . How did that happen , you ask ? Well , spring budget orders come in over the summer and most schools are ghost towns in the summer . So you do the math .

Now . Some of you are probably laughing at this story , while others are likely clutching their pearls in horror at this story . Either way , let's be clear that pool table was bought with taxpayer dollars . So ordering a luxury game table under the guise of physical education and then hauling it home , yeah , that's theft . See why I say don't steal .

I think so , which leads me to another story . As you've heard me share in previous episodes , one of my many glamorous vice principal duties involved supervising high school football games Rain , snow , hurricane , force winds or a heat wave hot

enough to bake cookies on the bleachers . School administrators were required to stand outside for five plus hours making sure students and some adults didn't turn the game into a WWE event . Meanwhile , the district office folks , who made way more money than I did , somehow managed the option to supervise from their living room couch or a bar stool .

So my assigned post was standing at the front gate of the stadium looking for drunk students and possibly drunk parents . This was also where the ticket booth was located and where people handed over their hard-earned cash for tickets and then entered the game . But here's where the story gets interesting .

The ticket booth had a back door that was always wide open , and by wide open I mean anyone with the same sneaky confidence as a high school student trying to ditch gym class could just stroll into the ticket booth .

But here's the real kicker At the end of the night , all the money collected from ticket sales was unceremoniously dumped into a couple five-gallon plastic pickle buckets . That's right , pickle buckets . Oh good lord , again with the pickles . There was no fancy cash box , no security bag , just a couple buckets that once held industrial grade dill pickles .

Then , during the last quarter of the game , a certain employee would grab the lidless buckets , casually , walk across the street and enter the school building alone . No escort , no security , just this certain employee and a couple giant pickle buckets full of unaccounted cash , swinging at their side like they were carrying takeout .

When I asked about this highly questionable accounting system , I was met with the classic oh , that's just how we've always been . Now I'm not saying that employee took money , but when there's no system of checks and balances , we're basically operating on the honor system with cash .

And this was the same employee who had cash stored in all sorts of places in their office file folders , desk drawers , cupboards I mean all sorts of places . Strangely enough , not long after I pointed out the pickle bucket problem , the back door to the ticket booth started staying locked and a real process that involved checks and balances was put in place .

It's amazing how fast things change when someone starts asking hey , is this normal Moral of the story ? If your school's financial security plan involves old condiment containers , it might be time for an upgrade . And here's my last story on simple rule number two . On simple rule number two , I discovered yet another employee money collection disaster .

When I asked about receipts for customers buying from a student-run sale , the answer receipts . Nah , they never bothered with those . Instead , the teacher just jotted down names and amounts collected on a scrap of notebook paper . But wait , it gets better . This teacher then took the money home to count it . Folks , I can't even . I mean , who does that ?

Not me , right ? Listen , I get it . Everyone loves a bit of DIY bookkeeping , but with public money and taking fundraising money home to count it solo . That's like trusting a toddler to babysit your phone while you nap . Not a good idea , common sense right ?

Apparently not , because this was the same teacher who took kids on a yearly trip overseas with the money from the student-run sale .

Only this teacher would ask each student to cough up an extra $500 to $700 of spending money for the trip $700 of spending money for the trip and then the teacher would place the spending money collected from the students in their own personal account . But don't worry , the teacher always promised parents any leftover spending money would be returned after the trip .

Spoiler alert very little spending money was ever returned . And here's the plot twist the countries the kids traveled to did not use American dollars , so the kids probably had no idea how much they were actually spending .

Because you know they're kids , they didn't take the time to calculate the US dollar conversion because they were too busy being excited about the trip to notice their teacher was basically running a one-person bank . Eventually , the new school leadership team became aware of this Ponzi scheme and put an end to the teacher's cash cow . And guess what ?

The teacher left public education for greener pastures . But here's the real punchline . The new teacher who took over the student run sale earned double the amount of money . I said double . So what does that tell you ? It's like trying to pay for a $5 coffee and then you look at the receipt in confusion and think how did I just get charged $10 ?

Did I accidentally sign up for a mystery box ? Nope , not a mystery , just a lack of integrity and common sense , which , sadly , some teachers seem to skip over like a boring section of the employee handbook . Look , we all know education doesn't exactly make educators millionaires .

But , as I've said before , we're in the human services field because we want to help humans , not help ourselves to their hard-earned cash . So , for the love of all things decent , stop trying to play sneaky Santa with the school money , I mean . Rule number two of don't steal is really simple . So follow it .

Keep your job and maybe your integrity , while you're at it . Which leads me to my last three simple rules Just do your job . My last rule isn't complicated . Seriously , how hard is it to just do the job you were hired to do ? Sure , life happens and unexpected things can throw off a workday , but most of the time

a person can still do their job if they will just do their job . Yeah , now , if you know anything about K-12 education which I assume you do , since you're listening to my podcast then you know that the main job of an educator is to help kids learn . But keeping a school running takes more than just teachers . It's a full ecosystem .

Schools need custodians , secretaries , security staff leaders , cooks and , of course , teachers . And yet over the years , I've learned a hard truth Some school employees simply cannot do their job . Which brings me to the Peter Principle . If you haven't heard of it , here's a quick rundown . If you haven't heard of it , here's a quick rundown .

In 1969 , two guys , lawrence Peter and Raymond Hall , wrote a book called the Peter Principle why Things Always Go Wrong . It's a short , satirical read , but the message is painfully real . People and organizations tend to be promoted until they've reached their level of incompetence .

In other words , just because someone excels at one job doesn't mean they'll succeed at the next level . Yet companies and schools keep promoting people based on past performance not actual qualifications for the next role . Not actual qualifications for the next role . I actually did an essay on this book to pass my college writing competency requirement and I passed .

So what all this means is just because someone is a fantastic salesman doesn't mean they'll be great as a sales manager . In schools , they're one of the biggest offenders when it comes to the Peter Principle .

Too often educators are promoted based on their longevity rather than their ability to handle the responsibilities of the next role , and sometimes it's just HR not knowing what else to do with an employee . So , up the ladder they go to a job they simply cannot do , and that frustrated the hell out of me . Let me give you an example .

I once worked with a school leader who was phenomenal at their job . They transformed their school building . Staff , students and parents were all happier under their leadership , so naturally , they were promoted to a district-level position . Great right ? Nope , not great at all .

While this person excelled at running a school building , they had no idea how to lead at the district level . Under their leadership , student scores dropped year after year , attendance tanked and behavioral issues spiraled out of control . Eventually they stepped aside .

But here's the scary part this person never seemed to realize they weren't cut out for that role and because of that they never just did their job . Not because they didn't want to , but because they simply couldn't . And trust me , everyone knew it . Sad , isn't it ? I think so .

So throughout my career , there were times when I thought some school employees were just lazy and didn't want to do their job . Other times I realized they simply didn't have the skills to do it . It reminded me of being a classroom teacher trying to determine whether a student's lack of performance was due to skill or will .

The same principle applies to adults and , let's be honest , sometimes it's just hard to tell , which is why I have rule number three . Just do your job is why I have rule number three Just do your job .

Of course , doing your job sometimes means helping your colleagues , because schools are a microcosm of society , so employees need to support each other beyond just surviving . I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard the phrase that's above my pay grade or that's below my pay grade . I could have retired a whole lot earlier .

Frankly , I hate those damn phrases and folks . I hate to tell you , but nothing is above or below your pay grade , nothing . I can't even count the number of times . No matter my position , I helped people just do their job . I remember starting at a new school and stepping in to help the custodian clean the cafeteria tables after lunch .

The look on their face was heartbreaking . This person barely knew me and hesitated before asking me why I was helping them , because they believe vice principals didn't do that kind of thing . My response why shouldn't I help ? We're all on the same team . We're working towards the same goal . That custodian was stunned .

But listen , I watched enough Barney episodes when my kids were little to understand the value of everyone pitching in . You remember the cleanup song , right ? That big purple dinosaur knew what he was talking about , though in our house my sons made up their own version of the cleanup song Clean up , clean up . Dad's got dirty underwear .

Not exactly what Barney had in mind , but hey , it got the job done . I saw the same thing happen with a school secretary . They were drowning in paperwork and convinced they'd never finish on time . When I sat down to help , the secretary looked at me like I had three heads , but I reminded them that we were on the same team . That's what a team does .

They stand up and help each other , just do their job , no matter what position they serve in an organization . Yes , every organization has a hierarchy , pay grades and specific job duties , but employees are far more likely to go beyond just doing their job when they are in an environment where leadership fosters teamwork and mutual respect .

Sure , there will be bad days , but when people know their leader has their back and is willing to roll up their sleeves alongside them , they'll rise to the occasion and comply with rule number three just do your job .

And honestly , if more school leaders or any leaders for that matter got their suits dirty every once in a while , maybe rules one and two wouldn't have so many violations . Wouldn't have so many violations . Then again , maybe I'm being too optimistic about all of this , but my three rules for employees are ridiculously simple to follow .

Seriously , how hard can it be for a grown adult to 1 . Not touch a kid , 2 . Not steal and 3 and just do their job ? I swear some of these school employees' brains are missing their ethics chip , or maybe they're just plain evil , I don't know . But what I do know is that K-12 schools are insanely busy places .

So how in the hell do these schmucks find time to be so deceitful ? Do you realize the amount of time and energy a person would need to break rules one and two ? Most days , I could barely find the time to do my actual job , let alone squeeze in illegal activity , unless it was a boring professional development day .

But honestly , that illegal crap looks exhausting . How much sleep do these people lose breaking the law ? I cherish whatever sleep I can get , because I've never slept well . The idea of tossing and turning all night over a crime that could cost me my job , my family and my sanity no thanks .

Anyway , if I do say so myself , which I'm gonna my three rules pretty much cover everything in the Do's , don'ts and Seriously Don'ts guidebook . Seriously they do .

Yeah , yes , the rule breakers I encountered created a ton of extra work for me , but then again , maybe I should thank them because their screw-ups gave me some wildly entertaining stories , which I promise you will hear more of in future episodes . Until then , don't forget to clean up , clean up . School should be about trust and care . Clean up , clean up .

I'm talking to you idiots over there . Clean up , clean up . I'm talking to you idiots over there . Well , kids , the dismissal bell is ringing . So until next time on . Vice Principal , on Office , push in your chair , put your name on your paper , be kind to your classmates , put away your phone and use your indoor voice , or not .

Thanks for listening and I hope you enjoyed the tales from Vice Principal and Office , as much as I enjoyed sharing them , and it is also my hope that you were

not only entertained by this episode , but that you walked away with a little nugget of knowledge that gave you some insight on how working in a school is not for the faint of heart . And don't forget life is short , so you gotta do the best you can to leave the world in a better place than when you got here .

And , of course , for the love of God , see the humor in life . It's a lot more fun and a little easier to get through the ick in life with a smile on your face .

Trust me , with what I've experienced throughout my career , I'd be like a tough , salty biker babe who's basically one sarcastic comment away from starting a riot if I hadn't smiled through the ick . Catch you in two weeks on Vice Principal Unauficed . Next time on Vice Principal Unauficed .

Join me , lisa Hill , as I explain one job that every school needs , but not everyone wants to try or should try to do . What is this job , you ask ? It's the job of being a paraprofessional or teacher , associate , aid assistant , helper or whatever title you want to give the job . The job ain't always easy , but it does make for some funny school stories .

So take a walk into the paraprofessional experience as I open up my lesson plan and share some quirky tales about paraprofessionals . God bless them . Hey students , I mean listeners . Thanks again for tuning in and if you've enjoyed today's show , please leave me a review . It really helps grow the show .

And don't forget to hit the follow button so you don't miss an episode . Trust me , you don't want to be late for this detention . And , listeners , if you've got a school story of your own that you'd like to share with Vice Principal on Office , I'd love to hear it . Just head over to my podcast website and fan mail or email me .

Your story and , who knows , your story might even get a shout out on a future episode . Thanks so much for listening and for your support . Vice Principal and Office is an independent podcast with everything you hear done by me , lisa Hill , and supported through Buzzsprout .

Any information from today's show , along with any links and resources , are available in the show's notes . So if you want to do a little homework and dive deeper into anything I've mentioned , head over to my podcast website and check it out .

And a big thank you to Matthew Chiam , with Pitsby , for the show's marvelous theme music and , of course , a huge shout out to my mother . This podcast is for the purpose of entertainment only , like the recess of your day , and not a platform for debates about public education . Though you never know , you could learn something .

Something and just a reminder that the stories shared in this podcast represent one lens which is based on my personal experiences and interpretations , and also reflect my unique perspective through humor .

Names , dates and places have been changed or admitted to protect identities and should not be considered universally applicable until next time , keep laughing and learning .