Hello everyone, welcome back to transcending humanity. This is episode nine. I'm Vanessa. As you know, our topic this week is the trans femme side of transitioning last week was the transmac side. So I have two lovely ladies with me here today. As always, please remember to like, comment, subscribe, rate and do all those things on whatever platform you're watching, listening, if you hear this from everybody, so whatever, just do it, please help us grow. I know I'm a jerk.
So this is gonna be part one of the trans fam. We're going to be doing a part two later. I don't know when and we also will be doing a part two of the trans mask. So I will let my two co hosts today. We have our guest, Marcia. New host joining us, Taryn. I just go alphabetical so sorry, Taryn. Marcia starts with an M.
All right. Hi, everybody. My name is Marcia. Marcia darling. I am 1/3 of the hosts of trans spotting. And I'm really excited to be here today talking with Vanessa, we've known each other a little while. It's my first time meeting, Taryn. So this is really fun. See
here, and I guess you're up, Taryn!.
Okay. Sorry, I was waiting for a cue or something.
Wedon't do that here.
Oh, my God, really?
I guess I should say a little bit more about myself so people can get an idea of what I Yeah. Let's see. I live in a red state. I am a inventor. I am a thespian, I am an athlete. I am a musician. I'm not very talented at very many things. But I do like cooking. And I spend a lot of time talking about politics and trans issues. I'm an advocate for homeschoolers, and people who have deconstructed their religion. And yeah, I'm trans. Also, I'm trans fam. I've been transitioning for a little over
a year now. So that's really fun. I'm really, really, it's been the best thing that I've ever done for myself. People asked me if I'm happier now. And I say, Well, to me, transitioning was the light that allowed me to see happiness and recognize it. There was a lot of times that I thought that I was happy before my transition, and I would have said that I was happy. But compared to where I am now that was like happiness. It was just a dim shade of the happiness that I can feel now.
Life is harder in a lot of ways, but I'd never trade it never go back.
Okay, that's really fucking well said. eautiful. Yeah, could like following that up.
Taryn Talley, pronouns she/her. Um...
Oh yeah, sorry. My pronouns are she they? I forgot to say,
no worries. So I've been in creative in marketing for like over a quarter of a century. I'm super old. I work at in 2019. I started transitioning at the age of 50. MRC, I also agree and like, you know, life was like, kind of like black and white TV. And then transitioning. Yes, there are challenges and the journey can be hard and difficult. But I feel like I live in a world of
color. So for me, I'm Head of Marketing at a growth marketing agency in the Bay Area, loving California loving the Bay Area. And just the community that's around this area. I tried to be a positive voice for both trans LGBTQ two P two s IA Two Spirit, I want to add that in there. And indigenous issues. I also politically active and do some work. I used to do a lot of work on Twitter, and now I've moved
to other platforms. But yeah, just trying to be a positive voice for the community and kind of just help people or be someone who can listen. So happy to be joining the podcast and just love the mission and looking forward to contributing.
Well, thank you. Okay, we have I liked the script tonight. I think we're gonna I think we're gonna have some fun. So let's dive right in. It's so I mean, we have a number of topics. I just have kind of a rough outline, but I think we can also just kind of just talk as well. But
let's have the topic and find out where the Okay,
so the first topic I have is binding therapists, which is obviously rather difficult for our communities, especially in red states, like Marcia and myself. I was lucky enough to find one but annoyingly, the rules say that we have to have letters from therapists in order to do any of our Meet Do your gender for me things. So What experiences have you to head with trying to find therapists to do all that?
I have a feeling that our experience is in this are going to be very different, just in the two different worlds that we live in. So I'm excited to talk about it. Okay, great. Do you want to go first, Taryn?
Yeah, sure. So I did. Um, for me, therapy was more like, unpacking what I had to do and start on the road. So I did therapy. So transitioning and 50 Starting HRT, September, I think this year, it's September is my fifth year. So starting HRT in 2018. I basically needed just to see a therapist and start HRT. But prior to that, as I was kind of understanding who I was, and, like who I am authentically, I
saw two. So I was from a blue state also, originally, so from East Coast, born in Delaware, I lived in Delaware in New York. So I was fortunate to find two amazing gender therapist in Delaware. That helped me unpack everything I had to unpack, and finally kind of stepped forward and no, understand who I am at the core. Right. And that was life changing for me. And something I always direct people to is like, talk to that therapist, work this out, do the
work. For me coming out here in California that put you on HRT go see a therapist, I'm like, no problem. How did like 20 minute conversation, they're like, here's your estrogen. Here's your Spironolactone and walked right out. It was kind of a little bit easy peasy out here. But I'm sure it's a lot different. Marcia, where where you're from, or where you're living?
Yeah, it depends. I actually started my transition when I was living in Washington State, which makes it really easy to get started. Because Washington State is one of the best places in the world to be trans honestly, because it's an informed consent state. So they just let you know what it's going to do to you. They ask if that's what you want? And you're like, Yeah, of course it is. And then they then my doctor, I Okay, yeah. Let's back up a
little bit. Because the first I actually had a really easy time finding a therapist, and I went to a website called the secular therapy project.org, which is a little offshoot of a organization that I volunteer with called the recovering from Religion Foundation. And I wanted to go there, because I wanted to make sure that I wasn't going to be getting a lot of religious nonsense in my therapy, which the previous therapy I had had in my life was a lot of religious nonsense, and
none of it had helped. And I had gone to many, many different therapists, and they all were like, you just need to get right with Jesus, you need to get right with God. So I said, Okay, well, that is what I will do. And then obviously, that ended up not helping at all, because it's not real. I mean, at this point, it's not real advice. And so And plus, there's not any science or evidence based, you know, material behind it. So all of those were pretty useless.
And so I finally ended up getting my first therapist through that website, who ended up being a gender and sexuality therapist, which ended up being exactly what I needed. But they're very specific with the people that they vet on that website. And so I'm pretty sure I would recommend anybody who
was on there. Um, generally, that websites for people who are recovering with religious trauma, which I was at the time, and then having it be a happy accident that my therapist turned out to know about trans issues, and religious trauma issues was was really, really useful.
Alright, see, you scored the gold mine there.
I was very specific in the way that I started looking, I did the same thing for my doctor, because I know a lot of doctors can be really gatekeeping about the way that they allow trans patients and things like that. So I was searching around the area trying to find like, Are there any doctors that talk about LGBTQ issues are anywhere and there was one who was showing up in podcasts talking about how important it is. And so I started going to her and she's lesbian and she's been
absolutely wonderful. And so unlike there are no matter where you are, you're going to be able to find those people. With me it was just a few internet searches and then listening to people and finding the right places to look other people it might be hearing it from a friend or somebody like that so but there's resources out there there's a lot more resources out there then people know
if they're definitely are definitely going to be sure to share those sites that you told me.
I'll just send them later
Yeah, just send them to me in a DM so because I definitely will wanna put those in the description.
I have a little bit more of a challenge with just some part of the Kaiser system. The Kaiser is like the most for me most transparently health insurance. So you know, I have had experience in California, were just getting a PCP and walk into their office and just presenting in there, like, never really treated anybody like you, you might want to go see somebody else. And then I finally found a great doctor
whose child is trapped. And he just click this healthcare system like, six months ago, and I got a guy who I think got his medical degree in 1958. And my, like, first real meeting with him, he's like, Hey, never really treat anybody like you. It's gonna be difficult and sends me to an endocrinologist now, I found in the chronologist, a lot better through Kaiser than anywhere
else. But so I talked to the senator chronologist, just recently, because I did did my hormone levels and just got checked everything, make sure everything was working properly. And, and he recommended to people who actually treat a significant amount of trans people in the Bay Area. So I'm going to move from the old guy. So sorry, that sounds kind of ageist. But I'm gonna move from the 20s 1020.
It's not that he's old... sorry, I'm not going to interrupt.
No, no, it's fine. I mean, go ahead and interrupt. But I mean, close minded, old school. I need to find somebody who doesn't look at me like I just beamed down from a Vulcan science ship, you know? Yeah.
I was gonna say it's not because he's old. It's because he hasn't kept up to date on the latest literature.
Exactly. He hasn't done this continuing education. The things not a real, they're pretty real. They're sociopaths. He's a doctor. Yeah.
I mean, it's kind of bad. But he's a doctor. I mean, I whenever I went in to see him the first time for a foot problem, because he was covering for my dog. And I was like, because I do strap on the hills every day and work. And he's like, looking at it's like, I don't see anything wrong. I'm like, okay, dude, you can you can just tell that from looking at it. Where's the leeches? Because I could use a couple of leeches too. I just doesn't work for me
need to have him were one of those play masks, too. So it's just a really complete the, the illusion therapy for me, I live in Ohio. And I'm so sorry. I think you can repeat this fucking state. Like in the past, actually, mercy, our experiences are kind of similar in that, like, I could only ever find Christian based McLean therapists. They did me no good at all. And so I had to do a lot of searching around here, because almost all of the ones right in here are faith based.
And I found a really, really amazing one. And she, she works with a lot of trans people. So but one of the weird things. Back to that I, I started going to her right when I came out in order to kind of just wrap my mind around everything, because I had lived for two years in extremely abusive family and in the family business running it. And I've finally been free of that. And so I had a lot to unpack, obviously, coming out
and all that stuff. But also, Ohio is important consent, but we're insurance to get any sort of procedures done. Yes, we have two letters, one from your therapist and one from another counselor in order to get any of your surgeries or what have you. So you can get your hormones informed consent, but I don't know how much longer that's going to be either because they're working on a lot of anti
trans stuff here too. So because my stepfather is actually I've never met him, but he's actually Ohio State House representative. And I'm going to be watching very closely how he votes on these bills. And if he votes for them, I'm going to call him the fuck out. Because he has a trans stepdaughter. Yeah, so should be interesting. To find out. Yeah. Our second topic is actually finding affirming care. So you two have talked on that already. I guess I can talk about mine.
Somehow I don't know how this is even possible. But there's a private clinic not far from me. It's an Akron, Ohio. And it's you walk in and there's pride flags everywhere. Practice pride flags everywhere. There's the gender unicorn hanging on the wall of all the exam rooms. And they specialize in trans health care in all, alphabet, Mafia, healthcare, really, but so they know all the things they can do on the blood blood tests and
everything. So I got super lucky having that near me because, like my old PCP was like, I don't know how to help you with any of this. This is just I have no training in it because doctors don't really get much training in this. So now actually, my current insurance doesn't cover the private clinic so I'm paying out of pocket
which sucks. But I had to switch insurance in order to get surgery because the insurance that covered my doctor doesn't cover the surgery in Ohio, there's only one insurer insurance company in Ohio that covers gender affirming surgeries. And that's Oscar insurance. So I had to go with them. But either you have any more notes on your affirming care,
I was just going to say it's interesting to me how much especially like, like trans femme hormone stuff is really complicated. Because you have to, you know, you have to have your T suppressor, you have to have your estradiol, you have to have your progesterone at some point. Some people say you don't need the progesterone, but then the people who get it always say, oh, it's totally worth having. Plus sis women have it, it doesn't make sense not to
have in your body. Yeah. You know, it's kind of funny, because a lot of it is like, well, let's try to get the levels to where they should be. And then let's find out how you feel. And like, sometimes I feel like Oh, but I want more, you know, it's almost like it's, it's like this drug, you're like, Oh, this is so good. I want more. But then if you have more, you might feel sick. So you need to have just the right amount. And so that's what a
good doctor can do. Like suppose I know that sometimes, like when I started Spyro spiral magnitone. Yeah, yeah.
There's more estrogen. Sorry.
Thank you. When I started spiral, magnitone, I have ADHD. And it really exacerbated my ADHD symptoms, to the point where I really wanted to quit it. Plus, it was affecting my sleep, and it was affecting, having to pee all the time was terrible. So I switched to, I was talking with one of my other trans friends, and she uses bicalutamide as her T blocker. So I started I switched to that. And then all of the symptoms from Spyro just vanished, and I could never go back to Spyro. It was like a
poison. For me.
It is poison. It's the worst. It's horrible stuff.
I know like in Australia, they use SYPRO Oh, yes.
Yeah, I was gonna say. So for me, it's been amazing. I tolerate a lot of drugs well, so I totally get that and respect that that. Like, it definitely has some side effects. Yeah, like getting like all the time, for sure. But for me, it's been thing, just the combination of estradiol and spironolactone have been a godsend, just for like mental health just for my well being with us. And I've traded off pictures. So it's like, you know, I shared some of my results, right? And it's just
like, impressive. I mean, to me, I guess I'm lucky because I like, I'm hormone sensitive. So whether that's testosterone or estrogen, I get the max effect for both. So like, for me, like I've never had these things. Like, you know, testosterone is like that angry, aggressive thing I said, for me, I've never had the worst road rage, except for when I went on astronaut. So it was like, I just like it brought out that like, Uber bitch, right. But it also brought out a ton of other
stuff. So it's helped me not have to go through and do surgery. For me. Like, this is me without surgery. There was no FF s. Right? There's no surgery. There's no breast augmentation. Anything. This is 100%. Me. And I love it. I mean, I was in LA was visiting my sister to turn around and slap me on the ass. And she's like, Girl, when did this come up? Maybe a couple months ago, but I was like, she's like, God damn. And I'm like. So that's what HRT did for
me. And so like, I mean, it definitely, I think the point of kind of like, what we're all making is that you really have to be sensitive to what you're experiencing, and kind of really understand the complications and the prescribing info of the drugs, right? And you need that doctor to be able to provide that like, listen at this level, blah, blah, blah, blah. When I got my estrogen, and you saw my history of estrogen, right, I was, I was a to 14 on estrogen with testosterone of seven.
Right and as a measurement. So he saw that he's like this, you know, that's too high for your age. And I'm like, I know, just had my first mammogram, you know, I get it. Because every five years on HRT, we've gotten to do the mammogram. So I just had my first one, but it was like, you know, he looked at me, I'm just like, I know, but like, I started 50 I had to catch up. So like, all of this was catch
up. So you got to have that really good, open relationship with your doctor or your endocrinologist for sure.
I will say for HRT for me, like starting on it. The first thing that I noticed was it was like this background static in my brain like white noise from an old TV static, like, that had always been going on in my brain quieted down for the first time in my life. Wow. And I was like, Oh, I didn't even realize that I I'd had that static in my head. And then once it was gone and cleared up, it was like, yeah, like you had said earlier seeing the world in
color for the first time. So that was the first thing that I noticed when I went on HRT.
That's pretty major. Get for me, I think the first thing I noticed as well was the mental changes just the way in both good and bad. Because I've been a pro at masking my whole life without even really knowing it, I've actually realized I'm 100,000% autistic, which is kind of common in our community anyways. And but so I always wore a mask of no emotions, like growing up, I was not allowed to show emotions, that emotions were bad, I just get the shit beat out of me if I didn't
anything going on. estradiol has not just like, let me drop my mask, but it took it and just fucking threw it in the corner. And I feel like a complete different person. But it also makes me a lot more stressful to be around. Because I am so fucking high strung all the time, I've actually started taking CBD because of it. Because I'm kind of miserable to
be around. We're kind of actually this is actually putting us into the next topic was talking about HRT, really, it's starting it is it starts off slow, and it kind of creeps up on you. And the first thing that you that I noticed at least was mental changes, for sure. Because your brain is being entirely rewritten, ever, all your wires have been completely redone. And it's to the point where I don't know if you to
have noticed this. But if you talk to a trans girl that has only recently transitioned versus like talking via text, versus talking to someone that's been on hormones for a while, there is a complete definite difference in how the people who have been hormones for who have been on hormones for a while, interact, like you can tell that you're talking to a girl were earlier on in the transition.
It's like talking to a guy because there's still that testosterone, like sneaking the conversation have either you noticed that? Or am I just insane?
I think you're insane. But I have noticed that.
I mean, I can see that I haven't experienced that. By like I was socially transitioned on social media in 2013. So in like, to me, it was just being me for the first time. And I never got any feedback like that. And that was like five years before HRT, you know, but I mean, I kind of get what you're saying.
I'm sorry. But I was going to say I think what Vanessa was describing, there's a lot of like, at least for me, and the people that I know, there's a lot of kind of impostor syndrome that you have to get over your first little bit. When you're going through your transition. I know for me, like, for example, I didn't feel comfortable calling myself a lesbian. And still until I started dating women as a woman. And then it's like, oh, yeah, well, that is my label. That is
who I am. But early on, I was not comfortable using that label, because I felt like I hadn't earned it, or I didn't deserve it, or that sort of thing. Yeah, I feel like that's really common with a lot of people who are just starting out their transition to I know, I had a hard time like wearing like presenting femininely at first because I felt like I was doing something wrong somehow, or I was violating a social faux pas that I didn't know about, or
that I didn't know about. But I knew I needed to break it because I was trans. But you know, it still is hard. There's this weird jumble in your head when you're going through that transition for the first time. A lot of people will start hormones before they do the social transition. A lot of people do the social transition
before they do hormones. I feel like what you are describing is more people getting into the mindset, rather than like having their brains re written by hormones, because I don't really feel like my brain has been rewritten. I feel like it has adult different filter over it
Mine feels like it has completely rewired. But be and your results may vary... how about you, Taryn?
I mean, what I was getting to was more like the tone. Right? And just how you present so like in the written word or the spoken word, like how you phrase things, how you look at things. Like that's what I was understanding her free, like Yeah, right. Yeah. And that's what I say. Like for me in my social transition on social media, but content that I continue to push out for five years, nobody could tell right, that there was no way HRT or that I was assigned male or
anything like that. I think on terms of reread and peace, so I can just chime in for me, okay, so I'm gonna sound insane. Someone say I've always had a really fast healing track. For myself, like recovering very quickly from injuries, when I started HRT that stopped the things that did not heal for weeks. So it took about two and a half years for me. And it came back and everything went right
back. All I felt like things that were temporarily shut down, had restarted again, right after that, like,
it felt like the two and a half years second puberty.
Yeah, well, I mean, second of all, I'm going to tell you a second puberty. For all those listening. Second, puberty sucks. That the itchy burning bras and all that good stuff. I mean, the results are great for me. But getting there was relatively irritating, but I felt like it was I felt like it was actually getting a bit of rewriting physically right where my body was getting used to it and it was getting used to not having something and getting used to having something
instead. And when it finally came back, I mean that stuff was clicking for me and 2020 I was like, I just kind of hit my cadence so took me a couple of years but I definitely noticed some some of that change. For the mindset not so much but for the physicality of it for sure.
This next next thing actually taking our meds taking your s are HRT, so you two are both I believe on testosterone blockers still. I had an orky Back in November so I don't worry about that anymore. But because Spiro like same with the MRC Aspire like it just my brain just was it was just complete shot like I had the brain fog so bad and the ping every 45 seconds. Especially living in a red area. I couldn't go anywhere. Because I was still
pretty. I only marginally pass now but I didn't pass at all then or the s extra dial. I for one was on pills for a long time. I mainly took them sublingually which you know, you kind of have get under your tongue then half you went up swallowing and I just started injections last week. What has your how have you guys had? Why is my brain not working? What the fuck?
You're tired. It's okay.
You got him tired? How's your experience been with taking your blue pills or your titty juice... titty Skittles or Titty juice?
Oh, Skittles for me under the tongue. And that's how I got her to 44 milligrams a day under the tongue. The body reacted and gave me that 240 and gave me a giant ass and some nice boobs and I'm happy with it.
Yeah, I would be happy to I'm still doing the titty Skittles too. There's been a bit of an issue with getting injectable estrogen in this area. So we're kind of like just sticking with the sticking with that until that results.
Yeah, I was surprised that I was able to get the injections because I had heard that there was a nationwide shortage. So is on the west coast. I had been taking six milligrams under the tongue a day and my estrogen was only 92. So my dad and my doctors like you work and start doing chats but
you got you got to let it dissolve.
I I do but you know,
it's just gotta be patient. See, that's
the thing I like dropped it under my tongue and like went out and walk the dog in the morning. It was all good. Everything. That's
what I do. I just leave it there. I'm getting ready for the morning. Yeah,
I am too fidgety. I suppose. I just can't but
Yeah, 6 mg sounds high and not getting the results.
Yeah, I was definitely not getting the results. So
but how many is six? Is that three pill refills?
Yeah, three pills a day, one pill three times a day. So
that's about that's what I take. I take one and a half,
one and a half. Okay. Yeah, I'm twice a day. The shots for people injections. There's two different kinds of injections there's the in the muscle, which is what I do. Then there's also the sub q subcutaneous something like that. And that goes in to kind of like the fatty part of your but I've heard the sub q is much more pleasant. The guys on the trans mask episode have agreed that that's a better way of doing it. But I'm doing the in the muscle shot which it's not
that big of a deal. The needles itty bitty, I hate needles, especially like anything in my arm here. Like I'm getting my vagina plastic in the end of August. And I'm not worried at all about that huge surgery where in my entire undercarriage is going to be completely just ripped out and shoved in and you know, all that kind of fun stuff. Only thing I'm worried about is the fucking IV so I don't like needles, but I do not mind the needle going in my leg. So anyone that's worried about
that needle. It's not a big deal. It's an inch long with sound it's bad, it's really not so absolutely tiny. The only thing that you really feel is the, the juice going into your leg. But so if you're, if you have any needle anxiety and stuff like that it's coming from me who absolutely hates that kind of shit. It's not a big deal. So hopefully that makes some people feel better.
I think that's a really good pro tip. Because when I was in third grade, I had contacted me, and I had to have for bloodwork three grown men hold me down, just to do some blood work. Like I despise needles, I lose my luck. I'm like, just like, I can't do it. But I think I know what the needle you're talking about. So much. Like, when you have to do the allergy booster. Right in your arm after allergy testing. It's kind of like a really short, short needle that just given in the arm in your gut.
Yeah, it's tiny. So
see, I'm the I'm the weird type of person that like watches when people give me IVs or like, drop blood. And I want to see when it goes in because it's interesting to me.
gratuitous eye contact.
Is it over yet? She stopped talking about that.
No, but anyway, when the needle goes in my skin
well, the world needs people like you to though because someone has to be able to administer these things. So I can,
I don't really like doing it to other people, but to myself.
That's still much better than not a doctor, so I could do it if I had to. Yeah, I like popping zits. But that's gross. Me too. Yeah. Popping videos and I I have a dog who had a big skin cyst on her back that I would pop over and over and over again. It's so fucking satisfying. Anyway, this is getting off track. Either you have anything else that talks about HRT you're talking about something else. Okay. Let's talk
about tits. Sure, okay. I'm actually going to speak about my favorite subjects that I never get to talk about enough. I know. Right? Because you just don't talk about sex or anything or boobs or bodies at all on trans spotting.
We do a little bit. What are you talking
about? That was sarcasm. Sarcasm. No. I love her show is anyone who is listening this you have to listen to her show. It's so fucking funny. Like, I've been driving along and listen to some of the things that they say. And like I am Oh steered off the road. I started laughing so hard. So yeah,
I've never heard it. But now I'm gonna listen.
Oh, you have to you have to it's there's some moments that like it. It's yeah,
you have to get somebody to go through and make a greatest hits. Yes, yes.
Yes. We all need those super fans that like do all that shit. I don't have those. So yep, it changes. Growing boobs, skin changing face changing body shape. In the time. I'm
just going to talk about the whole whole experience that Yeah,
exactly. Taryn is an example of where everything just fucking went right with that. And I'm jealous.
prework right. You know, like, I used to rub lavender oil, which is like a base plan estrogen right into the breast. And I did some work. Like I did little things like that. I told you about using that cheapass pump just the blood into it. I mean, that's a huge areoles I mean, I don't know, man. I don't know for sure that like, work, because I knew that being 50 it was gonna be a harder Hill for me to climb. And then having that reaffirming, like, slap on the ass or my sister was like,
amen. Like, I'm here.
So good. Yeah,
I mean, my partner refer students, my one Jerry and asked you because it just looks like it's like one was like half of a human. Right. So it's like, but I'm really happy with that. I mean, the skin and stuff. I had some, I think was two and a half years of electronics. So that was probably the most expensive hardest part for me. I've never felt pain, like having my upper lip tongue. And, and I mean, I used to get high as luck. And I still was like crying like a
baby. And I think for me, like, you know, this, Vanessa, Marcy, I don't know if you like, saw any of my like my shares on on social media, but I'm mixed race. So I've got the European, African and indigenous, and literally my hair was like, like the three things like my person, my person doing it like teeter. She was just like, oh my god, like Wow, she's like, are you black? I'm like, she's like pulling curly hairs out of my
neck. So like that was kind of difficult, because just like what the body was producing, but I will and a ton about skin. So like being 55 I don't feel like I looked at before. So I was floored. Yeah, I mean part of its HRT, right. And part of it is what I learned going through electrolysis, which is hydrate, exfoliate, moisturize. Protect yourself in the sun. I mean, yeah. I mean, I went out last weekend, you know, waiting Beach, read a book at the pole.
Right? You know, but like, I'm much more vigilant on that stuff. So I mean, I do an Ivan night routine, I've got a morning routine, like, all this stuff helps. You know, and like, for me not doing facial surgery because of like, you know, just, I don't want to raise who my ancestors have given me. So I want to, like maintain. I mean, I even had hair come back. So like, you know, when you started having a receding hairline, I've got a little bit of right here.
But I started seeing hair growth where I didn't have hair, you know, and just so like, I don't know, the entire experience for me has exceeded expectations. Like being 4045. When I was going through the mechanism and motions of doing this, I was like, Oh, this is gonna suck. Yeah, I'm not gonna be happy. And like, I'm like, This is gonna be horrible. And now I look at myself. And I'm just like, what was like thinking? Right? Like, it just, it just worked out. And results very
right for everyone. And some people have other things that they need to work on that they want to better represent themselves. Are they all who they are internally authentically? Right. So I just got a little bit lucky. I mean, yeah, I do. I have some features that, you know, that look a little bit more masculine. And you remember that AI that we tried for the headshots, like I had 30 or 40 of those headshots came out, looking kind of alien. Right? Same kind of structure.
Right? You're saying female Plus, my bone structure was like, cannot compute. Yeah, I got something made me look like add one small lie. It was bizarre. But I'm okay with that. Right. Like, so computer can recognize me him like I'm good. But I'm really satisfied. Sorry, just soapbox.
Now, now, that's what we're here for. And it's like, I I look at you and your your fucking transition goals. So. And like when you told me that you're 55? I was like, wait, no. How's that possible? So I'm 41. I thought you were like my age or younger. So I'm like, Okay, well, estrogen rocks, though, sis, girls are all jealous of us too, just because we stay on estrogen our whole lives, which kind of, you know, helps. All that stuff.
I was talking to one of my sis friends about that earlier, because she's like, Oh, I'm so jealous of you. Because your skin is so great. And I was like, well, like estrogen is a natural, like, it does make your skin better. But if you've had, it's kind of like lotion. If you've rubbed lotion on your body your whole life. You're not going to notice the differences as much as when you start using lotion for the first time. Yeah.
It's there's some of that. Yeah, very true.
So interestingly, in talking about getting mistaken for younger, before my transition, I was always clocked as like, 25 ish, like 25 years old. And I'm 33 now. And so I started my hormones when I was 32. And so I don't get clocked as like a young person anymore. People assume I am my age, but I almost always pass as female. And so I think I just traded my youthful looks for passing, which I'm okay with. It could definitely be worse things than
that. So because I haven't had any electrolysis, I haven't had any laser. I haven't had any surgeries. I haven't had anything. It's just shaving. Yeah, I mean, I've never had much facial hair to begin with, oh, I never had much facial hair. I never really had an Adam's apple. Like, there is a lot of like male fate features that I just never really had.
And so, but when I think about the future, like thinking about FFS, I'd really like to just undo the damage testosterone did to my face, same like I can see my brow like a bit of my nose, maybe the jawline, a bit like I can see that. It's just not where I want it. You know what I mean? And I'd probably be fine. I'm going to be fine in a year or two, with how I am and with my bone structure, but every time I think about FFS, it's
like, yeah, I want that. And that's like the one surgery that I'm always like, yeah, I want the other ones. I kind of oscillate back and forth between like that one I'm always like, yeah, I really want that.
Yeah, I mean, that's how I was for about five or six years until I just realized, like, you know, I'm not going to erase ancestors. Male, I got what I got. I like, I like it. I'm confident. I feel good. You know, I look in the mirror and I'm okay.
I don't want to. I don't want to like change my face. I just want those little subtle things. I know when I have the same face No, I understand. Can I get what you're saying? No to yeah,
my thing is a little bit more ethnic. So it's like, when I was going in to talk to surgeons that I did have a couple of conversations, but everybody they showed me was white. Right? So like, if you see the nose and profile, it ain't small. Right? So, like, those are the things like for me, I feel like, I don't want to look like just an average white girl. Like I want to be able to represent and be who I am. And
that's not who I am. Right. So in all the examples I got were that so I'm like, it felt like they didn't really they were like, hey, doesn't matter who you are, we're going to make you this. And that's what I got from Kaiser. And I was like, put a hard pass on that. Yeah. I mean, I don't I don't disparage people for like, listen, y'all, everybody has to do what they need to do to feel their best in this life. Right. So I support people doing anything that makes them feel better about
themselves. Right.
I support. I support you, too. Yes, I think what you have is a very valid, very lovely, very lovely attitude.
I agree.
But for me, I just want... Yeah, I mean, you know, I made my decision. And I'm cool with it. I mean, my problem is not like with passing is 200 pounds plus, and I'm six foot one. I kind of look like guardian. So it's relatively off putting for humans. So it's like, you know, that's my problem. Like, you know, if they just see a picture of me, they're like, oh, okay, they see me in person. They're like,
yeah, people always like, tell me like on my social media, I'll get past the wall. I'm like, you don't see me in person? Like, I? Yeah, I'm, I'm six foot two and 35 pounds. And I have a presence. So
I'm 5'9", 170
Oh, you lucky.
I am somewhat envious. I lost
I lost an inch of height from HRT. All right. I know it myself yet. Well, three quarters of an inch.
That's very common. A lot of people lose an inch or even two. shoe sizes go down. I haven't measured myself to see if I've shrunk. But
I think my shoe size has gone down because I put some old ones on the other day and they felt loose.
That's about a second because finding shoes in any size that's not eight or smaller is hard.
I still feel like an ogre when I'm barreling down the street though.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you. My I managed to get into syscalls now, but is for surgeries for like the facial feminization. For me. I've, I've talked myself into. Like, I'm still Marcia, you and I aren't too far apart in our time on HRT. And from what I've seen, it's like the two and a half three year mark, where things really start to in the face really start to kind of
coalesce. And so I want to wait until after that to get the FFS but I'm just saying like, this brow, and chin and all that stuff, like some of the things, I definitely want to have, you know, just tweaked a little bit like you. But I'm gonna lose weight first. I don't even know if I haven't Adam's apple. My high school. Senior picture shows me with one. But I've been so heavy for so long. I don't know what I look like when I'm skinny. But I'm working on
fixing that anyways. And I do want to do the vocal, the voice surgery. I'm actually meeting with the doctor about that in July. And that would be done after my bachelor plasti. But it's kind of a thing where it's just an outpatient procedure, but you can't talk for two weeks. So I kind of want to have a job lined up for that so I can kind of figure to make it.
I love that for you. But oh, I would lose. I still like doing those deep voices sometimes.
I know. Yeah. We talked about that. And that's awesome. I I just might my voice gets so tired trying to modify it with both pitch and everything else like my practice. Yeah, yeah, but I it's a fun. You don't have to do voice training to oh, I want to I have my dysphoria is like comes from fucking everywhere. So it's just annoying. But let's see. And I love that for you. Yeah. And like, for FFS, like, following like dealing Mulvaney, at first I'm like, because she had it at
about her 11 month mark. She hadn't really early. Yeah, she had it really early, and like that's too early. But then I'm like, you know, what, who am I to judge? You know, so I was surprised to see that she got it that early. But I can also understand because she is in the public eye.
Yeah. And anybody who puts themselves out on social media, you can judge that's the whole point of social media. Yeah, that's
true. I'm sure I don't like to judge her. But so for people that are kind of freshly created I
can I give my like hot take? Yeah. Mulvaney. Yes. Okay, I'm sure she's lovely. And I'm sure she's wonderful, but I cannot stand her content. She is way too perky. She's to perky and then also she kind of shows a side of trans position that is highly get catered to people who are very wealthy.
Yeah, that's definitely definitely.
So it's it's not an authentic look into the trans experience. It's it's an authentic look into the trans celebrity experience. Yeah. Yeah. And like I probably said, yeah, very well said, I don't mind her. But she also goes into that little like, oh, trans people are just focusing so much on the joy that she doesn't focus very much on, like some of the challenges. Yeah, so I am not here to judge. She's a wonderful person.
i She has so much hate that that's thrown at her. I don't really know she has the
she's a lightning rod. Because she is hilarious. She has a lot of followers. So she gets the hate. And so in that instance, I'm always here to support her. My sister in that way. I might not like her content personally, but I'm gonna be here to support her.
I'm kind of in the same boat. Like, I felt like, no, no, it just feels like that celebrity transition or trans kind of persona is so centered on self. Right? I think there's just, I don't I just leave that so many people, right. Like, I'm not a fan of her content. I mean, support her. And like, trans sibling, you've got my support. You know, backing you on the blood like thing. I just don't engage with our content at all. I mean, for me, like the
worst one was Caitlyn Jenner. I mean, I will never forgive that bitch. Not for what she did in 2016. Like ever. And he does not speak for me. He does not speak for the community. And I'm like, Just go away. Besh. Like, yeah, and just the self centeredness of like, I know, like, everything we do in socialist has some kind of self centering. But the message you should do should be focused on? I don't know, it just feels like not yourself, I guess. I don't know.
But I said no judgments support her, but just don't really engage with the content. Now I don't support Caitlyn. Because just that was just wrong.
Yeah. Now Caitlyn is. Now she's she's a horrible, she's just flat out a horrible human.
And I go back to what we were saying about kind of how the transition celebrity transition is kind of very self centered, and very, like, Hey, look at this. Look, what I'm getting to do isn't this exciting, blah, blah, or whatever. One of the big, big, big, big reasons that I started, my transition was for the people who were in my life, not just for myself, because I know that the only way that I'm going to be able to love well, and love the best that I can, is by going
through that transition. And so I'm not giving people the best version of myself until I transition. So for me, transition is also a selfless act.
You just Yeah, you've nailed it. That's so true. You can't, you can't really truly love others. If you before you can truly love yourself. Yeah, so it's, and when we're, when we're not out, it's, we're not ourselves. It's very hard to explain this as people. That's something
that gets lost a lot. Because most of the questions people ask are things like, Are you happier? Or is it good for you or something like that? Not a lot of people ask, How have the people in your life reacted to be able to seeing you living truly authentically, because generally, in those situations, it's like, I love this person who they are now more than I love to, like, they're just more them. It's more who they are now. And I love that they get to
be who they are. And they get to love me in a way that they weren't able to do before. And I think that's something that gets lost a lot in these transition stories. Because a lot of times, people have expectations and expectations aren't met and relationships get broken or things like that. And, but when it comes down to it, if you're going to love well, and you're going to love your family, well. You need to you you need to take care of yourself.
Exactly, exactly.
I did a lot of cutting myself, so I just shut family off. I just shut friends off. I don't like to explain myself, and I'm doing this for me. You know so like for me Five Decades of, I kind of like ended, you know, that scene in the Pirates of the Caribbean, where the captain bites the apple and utterance of dust in his mouth. Like, that's how it felt for me for the first five decades, right? Of just no joy. Like, what I thought was joy wasn't
really joy. What I did for me, it was to save my life to take care of me, right to prioritize me, to help me survive and thrive. I was thriving, okay with the masking and kind of like blending in with the humans. But I needed that, like I didn't, like, I didn't really care what anybody thought, right. So I'm like, my car kind of felt like Deadpool jumping out of the painting. You know, I'm, like, gone, like, I don't have, like, I'm not gonna explain myself not gonna deal
with anything. If I come out to, and that's a big if you can deal with it then. But like, for me, I definitely was like, probably a self centered act for me. So less self left less self, Lis, I totally get your point. But like, for me, it was like, I think I focused on myself for the first time. You know, and it felt good.
I think this really solidifies how you hear over and over again, there is no right or wrong way to transition. And just watching. If you're watching and listening this conversation, there's two very different things, and both are completely valid. So don't feel like you have to be constrained to rules. It's you do what is best for you. And what's safest
for you especially. So, yeah, it's kind of wild to I say, yeah, it's wild to hear all the different experiences like for me, I would say, and kind of somewhere in between util where, yeah, it did it for me. Has, I just was miserable, and not who I was, not who I was. That's why I like the, the being in the egg because it's really out as you're like in the shell. And then you finally start cracking your way out to kind of see Oh, shit, this is what the world is.
I knew I had to focus on bettering myself before I could start being better than my family. So But as I've said before, I'm kind of difficult to be around in person anyway. So that's a whole other struggle.
Yeah. And I'm not people like to be around me. Yeah,
yeah, I've definitely got gotten that from you. You're both of you are very fun and pleasant people. So I'm not
There's two sides, like one of my co workers will tell you that. I will cuss somebody out on the road driving to the airport, and then come out and like turn my rental car in and the woman who checks me out, it's like, oh my god, I love your energy. My friend burst out laughing. She's like, you just like cussed that guy out? What is wrong with you? Right. You know, and then this was like, I was like, thank you. Yeah. Don't worry about that. I'm not.
Yeah. I love being called gorgeous. I love being complimented on clothes. Like I have this blue dress that everywhere I go people love it. And that's so affirming to be told that you look good and something
is to look good in a suit in a masculine feminine way.
Yeah, yeah. I do love that love. That's so fun to be able to pull that off.
You either one. Done a photoshoot or not just wow. No, with no top one into me was something that I was like. I did that with my sister down in LA. And I was like, wow, it just was free. And what were you What were you wearing? I just had a black blazer like a fitted blazer. Female Ah, okay. So the girls showing on the on the inside of the jacket, like about like that, and just did a shot, and I find it. But um, she had given me like a light smoky eye. She's a makeup artist. So I just
went in there and did that. And it just, I mean, it felt good. Like, I just loved it. Freeing.
I want to do that. That sounds really fun. But every time I just like getting my picture taken so
I found I talked about in a previous episode, but I had like this little phase where like a couple of weeks where I was just taking nudes. And it was so affirming the people in our Discord have been bombarded by my tits, but and mine. Yeah. But it's fun, it's freeing. It's liberating. Because, you know, we lived in all these years, these bodies that weren't ours. So now that we're finally these things are starting to happen if you're early in your transition year Wondering when your tickets
are going to come in? They will come. There's no guarantees on size. And there's a lot of arguments on how progesterone works. The three of us, I believe we're all fans of it. I'm on two milligrams of it. Some people say it stops tip growth, some people say it makes them bigger. So there's it doesn't stop it. Yeah, I don't think so. either. I, I've no
only thing that I've heard is that there's no evidence to show that it supports growth. The reason that there's no evidence is because there haven't been any studies on it. Exactly. Yeah. And so it's like, well, of course, there's no evidence because the only who's going to finance progesterone studies for trans women, trans women, trans women, like, anecdotally, and with research that we've developed through the people are gathered, you can go to trans fam
science.org, or whatever. It's like, yeah, there's actually evidence that it does, but just No. peer reviewed journals that are going to be publishing something like that yet, eventually, they will
eventually, but right now, there's no money in it. So yeah,
that's something in San Francisco, and someone else centers there who can do some studies or Kaiser is going to do something? I know we talked about like, breast spreads and stuff, but I gotta be honest. It was having relations with my partner. That made that so much sweeter. Really? Holy shit. Yeah, it just was it was kind of amazing. Mind blowing, my head was exploding. So y'all got that to look out for to? Yeah, I don't know. Anybody else has that thing. And I want to get
too raunchy. But, you know, make it you're not safe for work. But it was like, Yeah, amazing. This, this,
this podcast is labeled explicit. So you can say whatever you want. You can swear as much as you want, at least Yeah, fuck shit ass. This does go on YouTube, but we only have 31 subscribers. So I'm not really worried about being demonetized. Because we're still like, a long way from getting to that point. So
I always had really sensitive nipples, and then HRT just turned that up. And I was like, Okay, I like this.
Mine, always her I hate the people touching it. But now I'm like, I, I'm celibate until after my surgery, because I don't want any possible use of my current equipment. So I haven't had anyone play with my with my, with my bats. So I'm kind of looking forward to that. Because it sounds like it's a nice thing. So it's really good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm, I am eligible girl, I really do. I can't wait to, to be able to do
that. But it just honestly, the idea of dating and or sex right now is absolutely exhausting period. But that's a whole other story. So. But yeah, like when you're transitioning early transition, just, I think the best advice I have for people going to the feminine side taking issue and stuff like that is just give it time. Don't rush it. It's definitely a marathon and not a sprint. But things do start changing. And I suggest this is what I did. I never took selfies before I transitioned
really. Now I take some photos myself all the time. And, yeah, and so like, make, do transition Tuesdays, there's a hashtag transition Tuesday, I pretty much on all of the social media platforms, and find a picture of you when you just started and then you now so even if it's a three month, gap, a six month gap, whatever, and just take pictures in between you can make videos or whatever you want to do it, just do it for yourself.
But you will be fucking amazed at especially if you do videos, too, because I just realized I've watched some videos of me from earlier on, and it's all the lighting angles and stuff are different that way. You'll be amazed at how much has changed that you haven't even noticed. Like, I don't recognize the person that I used to be, you know, a year and a half ago. So I'm sure, Marcia, you're saying? Yeah, you're the same. So
I like to say that in your first like, at least in my first year of transition, all of myself has had an expiration date of like less than three months.
Very good point. Very good point. So
I was like a photo log, just seeing the problem.
I have to run to the bathroom really bad, I'm sorry
No, you're fine.
Yeah, I mean, I just use as a federal log. I mean, when you look at my Instagram, if you went down to like 2018 That's three or four months before HRT. So like that's at the bottom of the feed, but it's like, and then I look at like 2019 coming out at work, either. Be on hormones for like a year and then, you know, just being five years in. And it's completely different for me. So, but I love it. I mean, that one of that
daily diary. So like, my partner feels that way to self obsessed, but I'm like, You know what? This is me looking at that growth over time. Like, I mean, it is so I don't normally use like, I don't think you ever see me really talk about trans joy. Because for me, it's just fucking joy, joy. You know, like, I don't have trans joy. I just have amazing enjoy. Like, I just embrace it and just love it. I mean, this road is hard. It's painful. Yeah, we just saw like, that we were talking about
on Discord yesterday. It was like, you know, there's challenges, right? And it seems like a whole bunch of people are going against us. But it's like, you know, it's for me. Like, just the field the way I feel right now. The way just talking to y'all. Right? And just, you know, just being here. It's just amazing, right? So it's not trans joy for me. It's just motherfucking joy. That's it. Yeah, I just, I mean, to me, it's just fortunate that I found my way. Always here for those who need a hand.
It's, yeah, you're right. It is just like, I think we kind of focus, we might focus too much on trans joy when it's really just joy. But I think the trans parts of our lives, like, I really wish that being trans wasn't so much of who I am, to
the outside world. But that's just kind of pushed on us by we live in a society, you know, where we're just in hyper focus, and I'd rather just be able to just fucking go to the grocery store and not have to worry about that shit now, if go to grocery store and have to worry about being fucking attacked, just because I'm visibly trans. And, but I really wish that trans joy, which is always for everyone, just be joy, joy. So I don't know where I was going with that. And I
think it's important to recognize the joy that comes from being trans. Because there are certain joys that we have that since people don't get to experience, that joy of finding yourself in your own skin for the first time. And the longing naturally to the groups that you might have felt excluded from earlier in your life. There are some very specific instances of joy that are specifically in the trans experience. I think it's important to recognize those.
It's also important to recognize how it just brings joy everywhere else, like you were saying.
Yeah, there are very specific things.
Yeah. I mean, I just look at it for me and like in very broad strokes, right? Like, I mean, I'm the one who like I will always refer to myself as a transgender woman, like or two spirit. That's who I am. i And it's part of who I am. So you know, I make that delineation, some don't like with joy. It's just like, you know that the challenges whatever it is, like, I don't know, I just considering
Yeah. This reminded me of something a friend told me a long time ago. I don't live the gay lifestyle. I just live my life. It's not a gay lifestyle. It's just my lifestyle. You wouldn't go to a dog and say, well, that dog lives a dog's lifestyle. You'd say that dogs living its life. And think that's kind of the same point of, you know, I'm not living the trans lifestyle. I'm not not everything is transitory. It's just It's me.
It's very true. It's very true. Wow, holy shit we've been recording for almost for
you got plenty. Yeah.
Why do you think I had to run to the bathroom? Yeah, I ran long and I didn't schedule that.
Exactly. Sorry, not sorry. So we actually cover most of what I wanted to cover. Another one that I was I had on here is bottom surgery, but honestly, I think that should wait for part two, because my electrolysis tech actually wants to be a guest for that. About that. So she does both. She's a trans woman owns a trans own electrolysis clinic, which again in Ohio
so you can find good people everywhere. Yeah. So maybe in Florida.
We don't talk about Florida the limp dick of America.
That's offensive to limp dicks!
True true, the Trump Dick of America that it's fantastic. If they look at it, it looks like you have this country it looks like a limp deck. Yeah, yeah, that in the capital is known as the cotton balls capital because it's there's like a spider in the middle into like domes it looks like a cock and balls. So I dated a girl from there. And that's what she called it was the cock'n'balls capital. So
it's so fitting. Yeah.
I forget where I was Oh yeah, so she also does laser. So I'm thinking that having her on part two of this would be good to kind of go in with the bottom surgery because for almost all surgeons you have to have hair removal to get bottom surgery. I have been going through that both laser and electrolysis it fucking sucks. There's nothing they'll wake you up in the morning like a laser going down across your premium and anus or or electrified hot needle going right into the middle of your
scrotum. In hon. Yeah, so. But that's an important thing. Hair Removal is an absolutely vital part of that. And then a lot of us also choose to get it done on our faces in the setting the other so I'm guessing you used to have a full beard.
Yeah, I mean, it was probably sporting more of a Tony Stark book. But yeah, okay.
I tried doing that when I got married. And I'll have to try to find that picture. It was bad. But I'm not married anymore. So that can be forgotten about but I then I had a full beard. So
when you were talking about electrolysis in the hair removal. I mean, that could be an episode almost in itself. Because I mean, yeah. So much to learn you to know, like, Kaiser was forcing me into laser. And I'm just way too damn dark dark skin. Yeah. So I had to fight to get electrolysis, you know, but I think it's like that's an important thing and differentiation. People need to know that stuff.
Yeah. And like for you, Kaiser covers it in Ohio. While I do have insurance that will cover my surgery, they do not cover any hair removal, which is required for the surgery.
So I think that's kind of weird. It's like, hey, we'll cover the surgery, but we won't cover the procedures that you need for the surgery.
Exactly. So but
$11,000 for my facial hair. I paid before I got Kaiser I probably paid like four or 5000 out my pocket.
It's It's brutal. But oh man, electrolysis sending your entire face. It's more than I made last year. Yeah, same same. My incomes like 12,000 a year right now.
But I mean, I gotta tell you like my skin. y'all. Y'all can't feel but it's amazing.
Mine's getting pretty good. I've had like nine lasers.
Let me reach through the camera.
Yeah. Can we just stroke? Yeah, yes. Lovely
Oh my God. You're so smooth. It's amazing.
It's amazing. Now we're getting to the awkward phase of the podcast. When we look at mine.
I haven't shaved yet today. It's a little prickly.
I don't see anything. Yeah, it's
hard to see.
You see You got lucky on that part. So
lucky on a lot of things. Yeah, we could talk about the things that we lost from transition. And then I won't be so lucky.
That kids depressing. Do you want to do a quick little thing and what we
see I lost the job that I had at the time I lost my housing that I had it my time I lost most of my relationship with most of my family. My sister stopped talking to me for a long time my brother still doesn't return my calls. Mom and Dad are getting to the point where they'll talk to me and we can hang out okay. I lost all of my friends except for three. Let's see what else did I lose? I didn't lose my car. I kept that I had to move to an I had to move to a new town and every
people fucking suck. Well, they're all religions. So yeah. Yeah, I kind of expected that
religious people in my family too. So yeah, I mean, I lost probably 10,000 pounds of family members of my
family. For those listening family. Blood does not make family family is who you make it. In. Always remember that if your family is treating you like shit and disowning you, that's not family. They can come around eventually, but you don't owe them in the thing at all. Just burn that into your mind because you're gonna have a lot of hate. And it's hard enough trying to fight that gift to build your own family. That's the social media connections. Like just people I've met here
during the show. It's this is family now this is my family. So that's what you need to find because you are going to lose a lot when you come out as much as you said, there's the job stuff like, I own my own real estate photography company, when I came out my business instantly died like it was. It went from, you know, making maybe three or $4,000 a month to, I had to rely on a GoFundMe in order to just buy food the following month, so I've started kind of rebuilding
that a little bit. But real, there's 10 years, a lot of bigger the realtors around me. So it's get, you're gonna lose a lot. But in my opinion, and this is just my opinion, it's all worth it. And I would not, if given the opportunity to do it again, the only thing I would have done differently is I probably would have done it sooner. So
I mean, I wish I would have done it 10 years ago. So I have the option to do it 10 years ago, and I chose not to because I was like, at that point in my life, I believed in what I had been taught as a child too much to be able to make any decision to move forward with this. And I just put it put it in a compartment of my mind and didn't touch it for 10 years. It's heartbreaking. And you spent those 10 years depressed. Yeah. And you hear that story so many
times. It's like missing chunks of your life.
Yeah, there's like a six year period of my life that I have, like almost no memories from because I was just so depressed.
Positive. So that's
another thing that I lost from transitioning once I lost my depression. Not everybody does that. But I sure did. That's good.
So my positive story is, so I've got a brother. And we don't agree on anything. Politics completely different. I mean, I'm so far left, I'm a French liberal in the 19th century. He so far right is a Trump supporting like 40 guns, like kids can get in guns when they're 14, that kind of thing. And I didn't come out to him. But he found me inside, kind of cyber detected me. It went to my mom was like, you know, I think so. And so I'm not going to detonate myself. It's trenches
transitioning to a woman. And my mom wouldn't say anything. Because like, my mom also kind of left of center. And finally I just like, came out to him. And he's like, Listen, I'm just happy for you that you're finally happy. And I was like, that was probably the most surprising thing that happened out of this whole thing was like, somebody who I thought for sure, would literally be like, I never want to talk to you, again, is like, hey, when you're coming back here, so we can go
grab dinner. Like that kind of thing. I mean, that was really inspiring. I've got a few of my first cousins that follow me on social media, we engage and we'll get together when we meet up and my aunt amount to one of my aunts. And, you know, my daughter, of course, you know, she's in Florida right now. But, you know, came out to her when she was 18 before she joined the Navy. And, you know, she was very accepting. And you my mom took me five times to come out to her because she wasn't quite
getting the concept. You know, but like, I've as much as I've cut away, I've maintained stuff my niece's, like fairly good relationships with, with both of them, one of them works for a company in the benefits department, and was in charge of doing trans benefits for their employees. So like, she learned a ton. So we've been like, we were talking back and forth, and I was sharing some things that she's sharing some things so it's like, I cut off a whole
bunch of dead weight. And I feel like the relationships that remain were even stronger.
Yeah, I agree with that too. Same very well. So the relationships that I've made since then have been stronger than any of the relationships that I've made in like the last 10 years.
Yes, yes. I agree. The only relationship that I've really maintained from my past is my best friend Christopher. So hi, Christopher if you're listening to this and but like I had already cut out all my family before I came out for the most part so I have one person that's very supportive of me Hi Ryan. If he wasn't this he's amazing writing his wife Kelly. You are gonna I guess
my find out who your friends are. You know your allies are you definitely will it's kind of another reason that I wish I would have done it so long ago because I mean all the people that I ended up cutting out of my life having that toxicity gone has made my life a lot better
and no shit no shit. It's It's liberating
and they self select when you're trans
they pretty much to
it so any we're gonna have to wrap this up now but the either of you have any closing thoughts or plugs or anything that you would like to say
um Okay, um, yeah, check out my podcast TransSpotting. We talk about issues like this in a humorous way. I'm not sure if we're a humor podcast full of heart or a heart podcast full of humor, or what we're one of the two.
And a bit of both. A bit of both.
Yes, thank you. And you can find me at Instagram at Oh_no_Marcia, and my link trees there. I'm really active on Mastodon, but I don't use Twitter. In fact, what I think I think everybody should be boycotting Twitter at this point is the fascist mouthpiece
owned by a notorious transphobe with the has a trans kid. So
even Did you see what he did with the turkey thing and Ender kins election? Because Turkey asked him to stifle all opposition tweets, like 24 or 48 hours before the election. And so he did, because he his reasoning was, well, we'd rather not host not have Twitter there, because that's the other option. And so he got paid like a bunch of money to silence the political party of the establishment. And then the establishment is also one of the most corrupt and fascist nations
over on that side. And I think last I heard, they had won the election by this narrowest of margins. So just shutting down the public forum for all the opposition might have been a little bit of added to the fascist staying in power. So I'm not gonna support that.
No, that is fallen Bond villain, pure Bond villain, like that's your Bond
villain. Who's worse than a Bond villain? Because it's Yeah, exactly. I don't understand how there's not a huge stink about that.
I didn't even know about it. That's probably why there's not a huge stink about it, because there's potentially
nobody was worried about the whole DeSantis launch or failure to launch on Twitter. That took up some some some airplane
bandwidth. Yeah, I don't know. Like, that's interesting. But walking off a whole political party from your platform because you accepted a bribe.
Yeah, that's terrifying. Yeah, that's terrifying.
Not the first time it's been done either. No, just this might have been the most political the most disastrous, because this was going to be the election that they finally got the fascists out. And it looks like that's not going to happen.
You can't interfere with state affairs like that. You're no better than a Russian troll farm.
No, no.
All right, so I'm gonna close out my piece. So thank you all for listening. Can't wait to do my next one. PRI trans March, I think is the 23rd of June. I think it's a Friday.
That's my birthday. Yeah,
I'll be marching. That's a Friday, right? Friday. So if you're in the Bay Area, it's Friday. Look me up, always down for a coffee. If you're in San Francisco on the 23rd. I'll be marching and volunteering on the trans March. You can find me on Instagram at Taryn Talley one or LinkedIn. I think it's Terrence Howard one there too. I don't know. I'm number one. Who knows?
She seems to find so she's easy enough to fine. If you just take Taryn tally, I don't think there's a ton of Terran tallies out there.
But Taryn, Tally one if you're unsure there, yeah. Because she's number one. Number one friendly neighborhood
transmits exactly the transmit this. Love it much fun. And I can be found pretty much anywhere as either Vanessa Joy or event Australia. Except Twitter. Definitely not going to be on that I need to check out Mastodon I haven't even really heard of that. So take a peek at that. But I'm most active on Instagram. And unfortunately, Facebook. But that's mainly just because that's where I get my business. And LinkedIn. LinkedIn is the best though I'm starting to get a little frustrated with
their algorithms too. And there. That's whole other conversations. But again, please rate our podcast, tell your friends we need to grow. We have big plans for the future. We want this to become not just transcending humanity, the podcast. We want it to be transcending humanity. We want to be a hub for people to go to for hope for news for financial help, for advice, all that stuff. We want to be one stop shop for everybody. But we need growth to do that first. So help
us grow. Tell your friends. Thank you so much for joining us. This has been an honor next week is going to be Erica's Second Chance Joy episode. So look forward to seeing everyone then have a great day night. Whatever it is that you're watching this and if you're driving, buckle your seatbelt or something No Yeah,
we need to work on your sign out.
Yeah, I'm not good at that. Your seat belt or something or something. So, and then after this, it's actually I'll slowly start rebuilding up the music. Buckle your seat belts, we're heading your seat belts, you're getting the closing music, which is the same as the intro music which is nowhere as good as the transporting music. That's another thing. The fucking song on that you need to listen to it. It's so good. I just interviewing
the the artist and singer in our next episode.
Oh, I can't wait for that. That sounds so good. So okay, thank you, everyone.