We are on episode 66. I can't talk now have transcending humanity. And welcome back to our podcast.
Exciting. And I am Lisa Magnuson. I am an ally to the community. And I will let my co hosts introduce themselves. I'm Vanessa, you know me, I'm just your favorite Vanessa. And I'm Riley. The same Riley from last week. I just have a little bit of shiny overhead. Got my hair. She's killed
it yet, but my cameras are reversed. All right, so our episode this week is about etiquette, do's and don'ts. And this is important. And as an ally it, I can I will honestly say and I'll throw myself under the best. It took me a little while to get used to what is okay and what's not. Okay. And our first topic, and it's it to me, it's the perfect topic, because we had this situation come up between Vanessa and me.
But if you know someone who has changed their name, don't ask them what their dead name is. And not a dead name is the name that they no longer use. Um, and Vanessa, can I can I say what happened? Transparent? That's fine. Okay. There's no secrets here. Well, then, we are self funded. So. And our wonderful producer of a NASA is the one who takes care of things. And so I sent her some funds to help keep the funding going. When all of a sudden I get this
notification. Are you sure you want to send money to me, I use your name, Jeremy. And I was very shocked. So I messaged her and said, Hey, this is what I'm getting. Is this. Okay? Yeah. And so it was, but it's one of those things where I always feel I wanted permission. Number one, to make sure that name was her dead name, because I didn't want to go into some oddball Jeremy and I wanted to make sure Vanessa got the money. So I mean, don't just automatically ask. Yeah, I did mine out of
courtesy. And hey, I need to make sure this is going to the right.
And I'm glad you did. I'm glad you did. It. You're thinking about it the right way and the say something about to kind of do an introduction to etiquette. Most trans people don't know the etiquette either. So it's not just allies that aren't learning. We're all learning to especially sort of freshly cracked, or just barely cracked, whatever. So this episode is gonna be educational for everybody. And Tamsyn joined us. Hi, Tamsyn.
Good evening. Hi, guys. How are you? All right. And that was a generic guys by the way.
It's, it's a y'all kind of thing.
Exactly. I always laugh when people say, Oh, how do we do this? And I said, just say y'all. Yeah, that means everybody inclusive. It's very inclusive.
Even if it is from the south.
Yeah, but we can we can, we can reclaim it. Just like everything else. We just have to reclaim it again. Y'all,
right, and all y'all means everybody over y'all wins. Y'all wins. All right. This is where you want to take it. Does anybody else have any thing about that use you know, being asked for dead names.
Job search. It happens a lot. Yeah, you can. You can relate Vanessa.
Yeah, I don't have to worry anymore because I've fallen legal at chase my name but previously, though, I have noticed a lot of things and a shout out to a lot of companies. A lot of the applications they ask for your legal name because you need that for employment. But they say do you have a name you prefer to use? So yeah, yeah. And that's it's welcome when I see that so Though I will
say it's sometimes concerning what I see preferred pronouns but not a dem preferred name.
Yeah. They need to drop the word preferred anyways, but especially when it comes to pronouns, but that's another story. That is
another story for another day
when the other thing I noticed on some of the applications are it's not just Dr. Mr. or Mrs. Ms. Miss, but they have like the MX, or I can't remember all of them. But it was it was it was very refreshing to see it. Because it's like, hey, these companies are trying, at least on their application side, hopefully they're productive side is also trying. We can only help. All right, well, pictures from before. Don't ask for them.
Yeah. If, if your friend or your family is wanting to share it with you, that's one thing. Yeah. But don't sit next forum.
No, it's, for some people. It's very triggering to look at photos from the past. Other people it's validating because you'll see a lot of transition Tuesdays I do a lot of them too. So you know, seen previous me with a full beard. And then now but I'm sure for some people, they just they don't want to be reminded of that. Or some people don't have
them. We didn't want to be a mixer as much.
Yeah. Yeah, I was. Yeah, that's a very, very good point. Like, I was always behind the camera. I never took selfies. So it's a very good point. Tamsen.
Like, in the last I started looking and I'm like, pre transition, probably 10 years pre transition, I probably have half a dozen or a dozen pictures with me in it. That's it? Because it just wasn't something I wanted to do.
Yeah. And that we know why.
Right. I mean, you were still discovering yourself, correct? I was. Yeah, I mean, it makes it this is where it's always funny when I have to say this. Common sense, you know, isn't common, isn't common. But when you're supporting your friends, your family, or what I like to call on our Discord family. It makes sense not to do things. Or I'm going to, you know, send a private message and say, Hey, I feel stupid, even though I know I'm not. But how would I address this situation?
And ask somebody don't automatically assume, you know, how to, you know, handle that situation? And pictures would be one that well, the only reason I know without transitioning Tuesday is really because of Vanessa. And I look at I look at her pictures from before. And but there's no way. This is the thing.
That's kind of my goal.
That is the goal. Yeah.
Oh, Lisa, you'd be floored about mine.
I can imagine I can imagine.
Well, and I and I going from a outside view with one of my friends. Her name is also Lisa. All three of her children are LGBTQ. And her youngest is 14 going through transition. And Kylo has said take down all my baby pictures. He doesn't want them. He changed his first name, or they're in the process of changing his first name legally. But for I guess respect for his mother, he has retained his original his original first name as his middle name. So he had his first name is Chi lo his
middle name is. C I don't even remember. Because I know him is Kylo. Yeah, totally solid
Star Wars name. I love that.
It is it is very solid.
It's differently spelled but I was like, I told Lisa. I was like, Oh my gosh, I love your kids. And so but I mean, it's you see it happening. And this is not something she's pushing on him, like so many people outside think, Oh, well, if you're a parent of somebody who's claiming to be trans and you you're pushing their agenda. That's not the case. No, be careful when you talk about that. Two agendas. That's become a four letter word for me. It yeah, I hate that
That whole... We don't have an agenda other than to exist as ourselves. And you know, just be That's it. That's my agenda. So unfortunately, I get to take my agenda to a state that I don't really want to go to, but it's
no, oh, yeah. Yeah.
Are you doing? Are you just gonna have to go down?
I will be moving. Okay. It's okay.
I'll come visit you. There we go.
I like that. I'm sorry. It's All right, because they're not scaring me away. I'm not even take this job because of politics. This is this is literally my dream job. Yeah, like, there's no, there's no effing way and I gotta clean up my legs before I start one of these days but there's no way that I would not take this job.
I'm so happy you got that I'm so it's it, especially knowing that it's like your dream position. And it's, especially with how how quickly you're able to find find it to which
is like get blew, that blew my mind because that was compared if that went the other way to the other directions and broaden my net and go back into software engineering and things that I didn't want to do necessarily, but I decided to, I sidetracked our conversation. I'm sorry,
no, no, this is all important stuff. And I am so proud and happy for you. It's it's so absolutely amazing that that happen.
So then we were talking about companies that is a company that is definitely good at this. I mean, they have they have room to grow. Obviously. The culture there is pretty, pretty damn superb. Very much so. And I'm pleased to be landing there and being able to go make a mark, and really have fun doing it. Yeah. The perks are great, but that's not the best part about this job. The best part about the job is what I get to do.
But I told us earlier if you ever need a trainer, corporate trainer or something like that, yeah, yeah. Education Training.
Yeah, we'll be doing a lot of change management stuff over this project. So yeah, I don't know if we'll go external. But there's a lot of that's gonna have to happen.
I can imagine.
I'm gonna jump around on the on the topics. Okay. Vanessa, you made the comment about eggs. Explain that. So this was new lingo. When I read this, this was new lingo to me. Oh, okay.
I see Riley smiling.
It's kind of it's kind of an insert insider trans thing.
Yeah, so we're pulling back the curtain a little bit for you. So before we come out, where in our egg, we're, we're wearing a shell, from who we really are. And once we start realizing the Holy shit, I'm trans moment, which is, I'm sure you to know that exactly, way. So that's it, that's when your egg cracks, so and then everything starts coming in as you're clawing your way out of
this egg. And but it's very important to because a lot of times, trans people can collect other trans people before they come out. Because we just recognize the science that we like things that we have in common. And it's very important to not crack someone's like that's once something that they had to do on their own. And to it could be a safety thing for them to they, you always want to make sure that it's not your decision to out someone else,
pretty much. So it's a discovery that they have to do and they do by themselves.
I got that from what you wrote. But again, I had never heard that. So I learned, you know, I'm like, Yeah, I learned something today.
Yeah, it's
another analogy for like coming out of the closet. But like, just, I guess, more specific to like the trans community and the way that we've kind of viewed it in a way.
I like it, though, because it celebrates a beginning, birth, you know, and that's how I look at it when somebody gets that realization and has that realization and starts learning about their true authentic self. That's a rebirth. So I mean, the egg, the egg analogy makes sense. And all I could picture as you were talking about it was the scene from Jurassic Park when the velociraptors being like, Well, that makes sense. Yes, you were talking about
things coming in. And, you know, the picture of all of the doctors and everything around it. I was like, wow, that's, you know, it makes sense. Yeah. Self Realization. Yeah. Realization is for everybody. And so hopefully, having all eyes on this will make other people self realized their allies too.
Yeah, exactly. So that's, that's very very poignant. Very poignant? Poignant, I can talk on this topic. I had asked listeners for submissions on on this episode and our friend Loki has many kind of fits along with it. And they said do not under any circumstances assume someone is out if they've told you privately, just don't they may not be out to everyone. And as many trans creators can tell you being out on social media is a
huge challenge. It limits job opportunities, social circles in more while simultaneously opening up a lot of challenges. And I asked him, I said it can put people at risk. And Loki said bingo. And that's not something that people think about. It's not out of malice, but because they simply don't have the experience. So that kind of goes along with the whole egg cracking thing
or coming out of the closet.
Yeah, exactly.
It is ours. Yeah,
exactly. It's your story. When my when my niece came out as gay, it was. Okay. And I point blank asked her, I said, who knows? So I don't open my mouth and insert my foot. Yeah, so I mean, it's it. Again. It's common sense. It's common sense etiquette. Yeah. But I mean, I, we've already been lacking common sense. Social media has impacted that even more. Yeah,
not wrong. It's good to get to the point where you don't have to worry about who knows, though. That that's like, kind of a nice place to end up. Like, there's still people that don't know my entire backstory, but it's not it's not a big deal. If they know it anymore. It just I just the me at all I am. Yeah, a lot of things.
It was amazing to watch her transformation, once. She was more vocal about it. And once she decided to come out on social media, and I mean, it was just it you I could tell this huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. And I was like, okay, she she's not always in a healthy headspace. But who is. But at least she's out there. And she knows who she is.
Yeah, it changes a lot of things. And it really reduces a lot of barriers that you self impose on for yourself. It's it's, it's there's a lot of things that change when you come out.
Yeah, I mean, the secretiveness was what I always feel horrible about,
there's that there's the need to code switch in the workplace. And, you know, like, I know, people that I used to work with, that are LGBT, Q and didn't know what at work knew for 20 years. So they're hiding this entire part of their identity at work. That takes an enormous amount of mental capacity. That could be that could be used to better your career to advance in the workplace. It's just insane. And it was me too, is I was that person at one point. I'm not
that now. Love that I'm going to a new job fully out fully, fully myself.
That's amazing.
Love it, man. But going back to what you said, 20 years doing that code switching. I mean, that still brings me back to that story about my dad being in the military in the 50s. And these upper level officers, for show married kids, but behind the scenes were gay. And I just I can't imagine I can't imagine the stress. You know, and yeah, having to always watch your six so to speak for them. Always having to be on your guard.
Back then. They're facing court martial for that. Most likely. Yeah.
Yeah. In the 50s Yeah.
Worse, or worse.
I had a thought on this subject to just it one of the absolute most evil things about a lot of the anti trans legislation that's being pushed against kids right now is where they're forcing teachers and school and school staff in general. To out trans kids to their parents. That just that could get kids killed. And I like this pro life party my ass there's, it's gonna cause so much damage. Yeah.
Go ahead. As a person who came out as I guess, technically as a lesbian during high school, and then during my senior years when I came out as trans to my parents actually, I absolutely couldn't relate because I both times, I was absolutely terrified, I was going to be thrown out. And especially when I came out as trans, I made sure I was 118. So, and I had a car. And granted, it was like, a piece of crap, VW like, whatever. But like, it was like something that I could like
sleep in if I had to. Because growing up with a military family that was very conservative, like for me, like, I was terrified. And first of all, when my mom gave me the opposite answer, like reaction of what I was anticipating when I came out, like I just literally broke down sobbing. But like, just having that experience, though, you know, just, it was terrifying, knowing that, like, I could have literally my entire safety net ripped out from underneath me.
And if I hadn't been the one who told my parents and then like, the administration or something, it could have been a way different reaction.
Yeah, oh, I can tell you from a teacher's standpoint. Number one, I would not do that. Because I promised my students when I was teaching, that if we had conversations, and they were telling me things about their life, and that they didn't want anybody to know, I wasn't going to tell anybody unless they were hurting themselves, or her going to hurt someone else. That was that was the the two. Now if you're self harming, or you, you're thinking about suicide, etc. I'm getting someone else
involved. Or if they were getting hurt, and I had a I was an outcry witness for one of my students who got raped. I can't tell you how many students I had, over my years, I think it was 50 Plus, Mags, I need to talk to you. So we go out to what I called my little perch is where my classroom was, I was the only teacher on that hall. And they would come out to me and my first question back to
them, Do your parents know? And the only reason I asked that is because I didn't want a phone call being bitched at that I knew and didn't say anything, because that's not my place. As a teacher. No, I am there to protect my students. And I had in my 15 years of public education, I did a full severe one. And then 14 actual teaching. I had about four kids going through transitions. Luckily, parents were very involved and very supportive.
But I know I had kids when they came up to their parents who got kicked out and we're sleeping in the park. And I had to know, I was making sure they were eating. I was involved with counselors trying to get them into something. But CPS if there's parents, I'm sorry, that whole system is when it's a teenager's and them coming out. I just, I mean, I was like, and my husband was at the time he's ex now that my ex husband was
not helpful. He when I told him that my niece was gay, he goes well, we'll still love Maggie and I went no, you won't. You won't. I don't think they've talked since my daughter's graduation.
It's just so that's any parent that turns away from their kid for their kid coming out. Has Failed here at full stop has failed as a parent, they're not a parent. It's just I'm glad that's I'm glad hearing Riley that your your mom's answer surprise you. So
honestly, if she hadn't had her stance, it probably would have been a different story if my dad had had his way, but I think she was like, No, you're gonna stop with that. That stupid shit right now.
You can tell your Dad Hey, at least I'm not game anymore. Right? I'm straight.
I think it took him a while I like kind of realized that.
Gatekeeping This was one that I mean, it's it's amazing. Who would I be? Rather than a complete which would be if I were to tell somebody you're, you know, you're just not who you're presenting yourself to be. You know, you dress funny? You talk funny. I mean, that's yeah. How do you how, as being trans Do you? Um, that's such a strong word, but that's exactly what it is, how do you combat that?
Like gatekeeping is something that really happens, it happens a lot within the trans community. So like this, this whole episode advocates from both within and without the humanity, humanity community. And it's, there is no one set way to be trans there's, everything is valid, and sometimes can be kind of hard to wrap your mind around that. And sometimes things will be shocking, you know, sometimes you'll see a trans woman that
still has a full beard. And the it's deeply ingrained that some of us that's jarring, but she's no less trans in it, and she's no more trans and I and we just, we just all are, but you'll have people gatekeeping like I had, I hit the black woman that said that, just all the things I was doing wrong with my appearance and like that I needed to do my hair differently, because my forehead is too high. And then like, Fuck you, you know. And Riley and Samson, if you had things like that,
well, I've personally not had too many on my side like that. But like I have actually a few like trans friends who are like disabled and their disability is prevented them from doing medical transition. So like for things like that, that doesn't invalidate their trans this by any means. But you know, like, they'll never despite, you know, wanting to have top surgery or whatever, then unfortunately, it's just not something that can happen for them. But they are still trans and other less.
Yeah, there's, there's no wrong way to be trans. We're all we're all unique. We all have our own journeys ahead of us. And behind us, they got us here. And it just unfolds differently. We make different choices along the way. And I hate that word choice, but it is that that is part of it. Yeah, you you choose whether or not to have certain surgeries or to do certain procedures, or not. And it's a deeply personal thing.
And we all within the community especially needs to support each other and those things, and not conflate this rigid trans prescription that people some people have that you have to have this, this, this and this in order to be trans. It's like that's not that's not true. Yeah,
they it's kind of interesting, too, because like, especially when you think about like, part of why I think this idea of like you have to have xy and z to be trans is because of like, the government's having put all these regulations for us to be able to change our gender markers and things like that. And even at that, like you'll see stories about like, especially like, you know, in the, I think it was like the
late 80s. And as early as the 70s of some of these trans women who are having like some of the first bottom surgery experiences and like some of them didn't want to actually have these surgeries, but the doctor is like, Nope, this is what you have to do if you want this to happen. I've seen countless stories of that. And it's crazy to think that like, if, you know, whatever her name was, didn't want to actually have
bottom surgery. She enjoyed her parts as what she was, but the doctor pressured her into it because low you're never going to be seen as a woman otherwise, you know, whatever the case. Yeah, it's it's horrible.
That's like taking the Hippocratic oath and not you and not going by it right out the window. I'm horrified.
It's the same thing to do with intersex people to be honest. Yeah.
Well, that's it's criminal. What they do to intersex kids. Oh, yeah, no,
I've unfortunately, certain certain things, certain episodes of Law and Order. SVU stand out and I remember one that they there were twins and one was intersex. And it was it was horrible. And I'm sitting here going, Okay, I know these are ripped from the headlines. You know, some of the stories are based on real things, but I'm like, Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Then Riley says that their doctors, prescriptive surgery. I mean, that's exactly what it is. It's prescriptive surgery. instead of my view
also that medical history is also not the best. There's a lot of questionable things. I mean, personally, I would love to have a lobotomy sometime. But will they just give me one out of nowhere? Probably not.
Never said for criminal.
There's a there's a YouTuber and podcaster that I like his name's Simon Whistler. And I listen to his show the camp because all criminals casual criminal. So it's a really fun show if you guys like, True Crime stuff. But he has a saying that he says over and over again is the past was the worst, and so fucking true. So one last note on the gatekeeping. For the trans
community. You don't have to get surgeries, and never let someone tell you like, there are many trans people that are perfectly as you said, perfectly happy with the parts that you have yourself was like myself that it's very, I have a lot of dysphoria around that. So I'm getting my Audi turned into an innie here soon. But other people, everything is valid. It's valid.
You're You're human. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise. And I think we touched on what Riley had talked about the surgery, don't ask, you know, again, don't assume. But another thing I want to kind of touch on his mental health. As an ally. I check on my friends. You know, how are you doing? Just to let them know, Hey, I'm here, then. Riley, if you haven't figured out on Discord, or on I don't know if we're LinkedIn buddies
are not. But usually I find I sign out purpleheart mom hugs purpleheart because this community is one of the best communities. They're open. They don't. I just I don't understand the hatred. Other than, and I say this, I have, I am a faith based person that most everybody knows this. But I prescribed what Jesus taught, which was Love your neighbor as yourself. And agape, which is unconditional. If you need me,
I'm there. You know, I was trying to Vanessa, I was trying to figure out if I could come help you when you have your surgery, but it's backing it to the same time I'm thinking about moving
my best friends flying in. So
okay, I was gonna say, can I figure out how to do this?
I might be able to
help. I mean, you are welcome to come visit Riley. So it's I'm having a dental clinic.
But I was literally going, Okay, how could I do this be gone for a couple days, even if it was just three days and somebody else came in. But that's this is this helps their mental health. You know, knowing somebody cares. And that's I always say check on your friends, because there's already a stigma to mental health, when it doesn't matter where you're at, the stigma is there. But I feel that it is 1000 times worse
for the LGBTQ community. And so it's like, okay, and that was when all of the stuff about all these anti trans bills and everything like that. My biggest thing was, oh my gosh, the first people I thought of were my students, when I you know, that came out to me that I taught. I was like, how, how can you do this to kids? Kids already have fragile mental health. And then I started thinking and I this was I don't even know how long I've been connected with Tamsin
and Vanessa. But I started seeing them post more and more. And it was like, I need to make sure they're okay too. Because this is not okay for my mental health. I can't imagine the stress of being hated for being human.
I had to take a break from posting, I toned down the frequency of my posts for on the trans side specifically, because my therapist thought that I was going too deep and rabbit holes, and there's enough other voices that if we just balance it out amongst ourselves, we all don't burn out at the same time. And I think that's an important distinction. Um, because we all have, we all have to have capacity for things that happen to everyone. You know, the tragedy that Liam experience is
a perfect example. We have to have that mental capacity to absorb that stuff. And that's, that's a, that's an unbelievable thing to have to deal with on top of this daily barrage of stuff that we have to deal with. Yeah. So yeah, it's, it's hard. I'm in a good place mentally, generally, these days, which is good. I have my moments everyone does. And, but I also know that I, I am thriving far more than I was before. I didn't even realize that I wasn't. When I
before I came out. Now, I'm way better mentally now than I was then, in spite of all this stuff we have to deal with.
Yeah, that seems to be a common theme. If you ask people in the trans community is despite all this bullshit that you're going through, if you had a choice, would you do it again? And we pretty much all say yes. So. It's, yeah, that's why the whole D transitioners thing that the Conservatives especially that's all bullshit, yeah, it's like less than 1%. The transition, right, and it's usually mainly due to outside influences. So
being an empath, it impacts me and that's why, you know, I said, Hey, if you don't hear from me in a few in a couple days, check on me. Yeah, I don't watch. I can't watch the news anymore. It's too hard, because it just drains me. And so I pick up things or I, you know, find if Vanessa or Lena and post something. I'll go look at that. Or ELTE. Bob, what's your name? She did she, oh, my gosh, I can't believe her name on LinkedIn. She does all the posts and sends out the email and
Erin? Erin, thank you. Oh, yes.
Yeah, Erin Reed.
And I'll go and I'll look at what she's talking about. Did I say that right? She? Yeah, yes. Sorry. I. I tried to be very conscientious about
it to do. Yeah.
This is a do. Yeah, yes, exactly.
But that's who that those are the new stories I follow. Because if I tried to watch something else, I'm so drained. That I'm useless. Yeah. And so I cannot imagine the mental stress of all of this coming at my friends, my family all the time.
So many rabbit holes, too, that you can go down that will just take everything out. So I try to stay out of them as much as they can. But sometimes,
not too. Sometimes Alice falls down. Yeah.
And you had said something Tamsin that I was going to. I'm going to tag off on when you talked about you were talking with your therapist. That's one thing I have noticed, in the trans and LGBTQ Q community, that sometimes you can't get the mental health counselors, because they are either not willing, because of their stances, or they can't or, you know, people can't go to them, because they charge such exorbitant prices. Yeah.
Many of them are out of network. For one. Yeah. And they're overbooked, so you can't get into them. I'm fortunate I got the current therapist I have is a was a grad student. She's now like, pre licensed. So I got really lucky because I got to teach her about my experience along the way too. So it's a win win. Yeah.
That's amazing.
I love that part of it.
See, and that's something that this whole podcast meeting everybody and getting to know people that's made me kind of sit back and go, Should I go get my psychology and in counseling license, and be specific to because I have learned so much. And what the five months not it won't count, let's say six episodes. You know about your lives, and it's like, wow, what
else can I do to help? And it's amazing To me, how difficult it is to find mental health people who will help in this community and I just find like, they're human, you're human. It's you're not figments of imagination. You're not aliens coming down from Neptune, Mars, wherever. Yes, you're. And you have the same types of mental health issues. But you have the same type of things going on that everybody else who is not in that community does.
Yeah. Plus, we have the added bonus of meeting therapy letters for the gate kept surgery process.
Exactly. It's gonna get worse if things keep happening the way they're happening.
Yeah, yeah.
This and I'll, I'll add another layer to it. So most therapists that you do find only have the knowledge and skill set up early transition. So for me, I have that extra layer of, well, I'm a decade into my transition. And the therapist is working with a huge clientele that is only familiar with like, Hey, I just learnt you your bladder, so you can start testosterone or estrogen. And I'm like, yeah, no, I'm well past that.
Yeah. Fortunately, there are plenty of template letters that they can reference to create the appropriate letter, but you need someone who knows the space and what you're trying to navigate. Yeah, my big thing is, do they know what w path is? If they don't know that? It's that's a non starter? Yeah. Okay, thanks.
Yeah. Mental health in this country that's jumping into the candidate really quick. How they're always like, just a slight little segue, how they're always like, well, we just need mental mental health. We can no shit we do. But it's next to impossible to get it. Like, even I love my therapist, I have an amazing therapist. And but when I switched insurance, I now have the self pay. And it's, you know, 10 times more expensive. And for someone like me without a job, it's, you know, most
people can't afford it. And so that's why if you play get your psychology degree, do it. I think you'd be amazing at it. Absolutely amazing at it. I do too. Yeah.
degree.
I mean, I want to, I want the license, you know, to be able to do it, and I so I'm gonna have to start looking as to what everything I need to do.
It's a it's a very tedious process. And I'll say that much. But if it's something you're willing to do, I think you'd be phenomenal at it.
I agree. I've, I've learned so much observing you in these sessions, and just learning how, how invested you are in us. And that speaks volumes to me. Exactly.
You are amazing. There's I'm so glad that you're with us.
I'm so glad I'm with you. Because like I said, I learned so much about y'all. It's It's amazing. And I'm like if people would be open minded. Yeah, we'd have a totally different country. We really would. You're not wrong. No, I mean, and tagging off to what you said about the the gun thing. It's not always a mental health thing, either. That's the first
thing media throws out. And it's like, you know what, no, you know, I, I always go back to the, it's not because he was having issues with his mom, which has been, you know, so much. It's I don't think it's I think it's just when you're a child, and there's a trusted
adult that harms you. You know, when that was one of my things when I was going through therapy, and I'm still going through, I wanted to find a therapist who knew about and was able to help sexual assault victims, and I was molested as a child by a sibling. And so I wanted to find somebody who could help me process all of that. And it's a deep dark secret. You know, it's it's because I forced it down. That's why it's the deep dark secret.
It's not really a secret anymore, but I repressed it so much And so, you know, talking with you and finding out okay, this is something, this would be something that oh my gosh, they have the same feelings I do in terms of guilt in terms of you know, it's a different level, obviously. But I mean, before you came out as your authentic selves, I can't I can't imagine all the feelings that were going on.
Oh, yeah. It's just a couple. Guilt and shame are a big one. Yeah.
And Vanessa talks about us body dysphoria. Right? It's it has to be again multiplied phenomenally within the trans community, versus just the body shaming of, you know, me wanting to put myself out in a bikini when I haven't had a bikini body since I was like, 18.
Bikini Body last year.
But see, but it took me a long time to get over that mental block and fight and now it's like, you know what? Care? Yeah, yeah. I saw somebody post on Tik Tok. This young, younger woman saying, okay, all you women over 40 need to stop doing this with your hair. And this older lady, she was in her 60s, came back, she had this phenomenal, purple and blue. Just gorgeous. And she says, You don't have the experience or the wisdom. So I'm going to beat
you. When you get to a certain age, and you don't care what anybody thinks of you. That's when you'll know when it's so it's that mental, that mental hurdle that I think everybody has going through and until you have your authentic self, your hurdle seems to be that much higher. I mean, am I wrong?
I guess no, you're not wrong. We set the hurdles as high as they go. For our so we do. Like it's it's a it's a challenge. It was. It's not anymore. I just settled. I'm feeling I'm really good. Where I'm at. Sure. Vanessa is pretty good. Riley as well. Like, Oh, yeah. But getting to this point. You yourself inflicts so many wounds on yourself. And it's, it's crazy. But it's a lot of self preservation to
it is... Rylie were you talking earlier, so your mouth moving. But
yeah, I was gonna say I did want to tie in one thing that Lisa had said about the the dysmorphia or the dysphoria and whatnot. So just kind of tying it back to one of the things we talked about earlier. Not everybody will experience dysphoria, either. Right?
Forgot about that?
So that's not a an exclusive feeling. You have to feel to be trans either. No,
nope, no, everybody, everybody's journey is different. And I think outsiders don't understand that. You know, it's, I think, Vanessa, I think all three of you touched on it. Everybody's in a different place. None of it is invalid. You're all valid. Your feelings are valid, your you know, your journey is valid. And I think from the outside, I will say that word again,
prescriptive thought process. If you're not this, this, this and this, you're not trans and I'm like, no, no, no. That was and that's not something I can on it. I will say, I have learned being in this group. Because you are all on so many different journeys in your lives. And it's phenomenal watching. Because I you know, I just I have so much respect. And so much just I'm in awe. Love, y'all.
Thank you.
Thank you. That makes me feel warm and fuzzy. Same. It's, it's wild. Like there's being trans is also just such a huge spectrum tail, like you have the blue and the pink in the white and the light is what ties everything together. And so we're all just, I wish it was less of a I wish it was more of a gradient and less of a like, separate stripes on our flat. Because, yeah,
yeah, that'd be cool, wouldn't it? Ah,
because I think that would just fit better. because there's just so many like, you'll see some people like I'm very binary on the femicide. And then people just all over the place. And that's part of the beauty of it is you get to see all these different people, it should be something people are excited about all these people out and living and being themselves and creating a better world.
I agree. And you definitely make my world better.
Thank you. You make ours better? Definitely.
I wanted to make one last comment and from Alex sharp. And this ties into the medical care that we were talking about, you know, don't don't ask what type of medical care someone might be going through, or they may not be going through because that'll again, ties into what Riley said, Some people can't afford or don't want to have those medical transitions. It's nobody's business, you know, and before we started filming, or taping, who hasn't really both said, you know, don't ask that's
in my pants. Yeah, you know, and that's the truth. It's no business. No, it goes, it goes back to the bathroom episode.
Exactly.
So I can go
they're obsessed with our genitals. It's just me when it comes to surgeries and stuff. If a trans person wants you to know that they've had surgeries or getting surgeries, we're gonna fucking let you know. Because that's all we talk about. But it's expensive. But yeah, my GoFundMe is, you know, and well. Yeah,
excitement, Vanessa, when you got your date?
I about shit myself.
I was cheering. Yeah, nobody hurt. I mean, sure. I'm sure my dogs heard me and I'm sure my neighbors heard me. But I was cheering when I when I saw that. It's phenomenal. That you know, what, if you weren't going to have it, and you weren't, you know, I'd still love you as you are.
Yeah, there's just it's a lot of people are perfectly happy with the equipment they have. So it's so yeah, you don't ask people. Like sometimes within the trans community, like we'll talk about, like the hormones we're on like that we'll say, Okay. injections or pills, whichever you have more luck with that kind of stuff. And that's more okay within the community. But that's only if you're really discussing that.
But you know, you should never just walk up to somebody and she says what the whole bathroom thing is watching your show me what's in your pants before you can go in this bathroom? What's it might be it's it's probably bigger than yours as well. So go fuck yourself.
I wish that was the case for me.
Sorry, Riley. No, actually, it is still the case.
I can I get to select by sighs
There you go.
It's okay. It's a little secret that I just shared, I guess.
Yeah, everybody does.
They wouldn't have known. I'm just gonna sit back and smile and
smile and not smile. It's, I mean, the either like within the chains community, like I know, many more trans women than I do trans men. So when I start hearing the experiences of trans men, it's also foreign to me to just like, oh, but it's also fun, like, hearing like, experiences and stuff, especially, like, stuff that we grew up with in our previous lives and be able to relate to what they're going through. And I'm like, it's just, it's fun. It's wild, but it's like reverse engineering,
but it really is. You ready to really? Yes. in both directions. Yeah. Yeah. It's it really is crazy. And I think that's why we love to use the term HRT is magic. Because there really is it's in the end, the human body is really, between male, male and female. There's really not that much difference. No, like when it comes down to all the inner workings so and once you switch the hormones over it's it's wild what happens I mean, look at Riley's beard. I mean
it's amazing. It just like it's, it's, it's, we're we're changelings or something? So
I'm impressed by his head of hair personally. cuz
it's shiny because the light I think, but I love a shiny bald head. Okay,
but I am gonna ask, do you shave it too? I mean,
I take clippers. Okay. Yeah, no, I'm pretty thin through here. So this is the it's gonna eventually become a full on. Is it? Mr. Clean look probably
you got male pattern baldness as a side effect, right? Oh, yeah.
My, if it wasn't for the fact that I know it's generally generally the more like the mother's side. My dad's dad had a full head of hair to the day died. And I was like, please, please, please, please. It was like, nope, not acid.
I think it's, as you said last episode, it's both affirming and not affirming.
It is. It is.
Sorry, Lisa, I interrupted.
Oh, no, you're good. Because all I was gonna say is yeah, that's the one thing my my two boys have going for them is that my dad, before he passed away had a full head of hair. Whereas their father? No, he's not that male pattern baldness, though. And I just I, because his grandfather was that way. And I just I sit and giggle because like, my kids were good. And the only reason my grandfather lost his hair was because of chemo. So that he had full he was solid white, who was gorgeous.
I believe it,
I think we really need to hit on number six. And number eight, I think those can be kind of those can be combined, but especially seeing as how pretty much 99.9 But 100% Say 100% Of all the anti trans legislation is coming from a right wing religious extremists. Yeah. So that is, there are many religious people within the trans community and religious allies within the trans
community. But we also have to recognize that our biggest enemy right now is also religion, and which is terrifying, but I mean, I'm hardcore atheist. And you you find someone more atheist than me, probably. But it's, you hear, like these politicians, they happen in Ohio to at our hearings, but then in Florida, where they call us demons and stuff like that. And you hear people say that, like, it's their strongly held personal religious beliefs and stuff like
that. Well, yeah, that's all it's all your fucking headcanon. It's all it is. It's not, you know, if you read that book that you so reach from, it doesn't say anything. I don't think it says anything about trans people. And, you know, so that's your own bigotry. And I just, I let someone else talk.
I think you were trying to go on the topic about like them trying to turn us back into who we were before, essentially, they think that religion will solve everything if they can convert us back. And it's not, you can't you can't change who we are at our core, you know?
Exactly.
What they fail to realize is in their short sighted view of God is God created us the way He created us. I'm an agnostic, that's kind of where I'm at. I don't practice religion anymore. But if you believe in God, you know, and you believe God doesn't make mistakes, that this is what he intended us to be. And we just had to follow this journey to get to where we are. And it's like, why can't they see that?
Because they're hung up on Sodom and Gomorrah and Genesis.
Yes.
But I mean, and when we had the trans parenting episode, that was something
Kaylee Luna, Aileen, clearly unlimited both.
They both brought that up. And, and I and I full wholeheartedly agree with them both. And I agree with you, Tamsin. This is a journey. And I again, I have my how I'm spiritual. I'm, and I and I am Christian. However, I'm not that far out person because even as a Christian, I think their way I don't know what they're reading from what they're studying. I don't know who's preaching to them. But what they're doing is wrong. Yeah, yeah. And you can find that right there in the Old
Testament. And I've never, never been under a thought process that I'm going to convert somebody back. I'm going to, I'm going to deprogram them. You're not programmed, you're living your authentic life, just like they're supposedly doing. I don't think so. And I know Vanessa has said it before. And I have to echo that George Mackay said it too. Every time one of these right. Far Right. Conservatives say something. It's an accusation as an accusation. It's their thought
process. They there's something behind that, that they're hiding.
And they get caught with it all the time. But the problem is, is the Republicans don't care. It's we can't even call them out on it anymore.
No, but who just got arrested Santos.
Santos got arrested?
He was indicted, and I'm sitting here going, Okay, so is that going to be a good thing? It's not gonna hurt his career. Probably not gonna happen. Nothing's gonna happen with Trump.
It will it will hurt his career because he's in a he's in a district where he will probably not get reelected. Yeah. But he won't get kicked out of college.
Like he's a martyr now. So Well, yeah.
But then you have these are two. Well, what state representatives in Tennessee, Kentucky,
the Justin's the justice.
And they're having to basically fight for their positions back which they were rightly elected to.
Yeah. Same with Zooey in Montana.
This is notdemocracy. This is
not it's a theocracy. Exactly. To touch on something, rarely leave it to the Senate, my brain sucks. But when they say that they like God is omnipotent, omniscient, you know, all knowing. Then they, Anyone that believes that has no ability to question anything of anybody else. Because if they believe that their God has a plan, then their God has a plan. That's what I'm going to change in here for just a quick second. That's one reason I do not
understand prayer. Because if you think that your God has a plan, then who are you to ask your God to change that plan for your own personal self? So that's one thing it just always blows my mind about prayer is, it is prayer completely erases the religious part of it. I'm not going to get into a tangent on that. But I'm just kind of going along with this is if you think that your God doesn't make mistakes in you think that your God has a plan, then? What's
your fucking problem with us? We are, who your God is created intended us. Thank you. So I think religion
could come down. It's gonna be okay.
Vanessa, being on two different ends of that spectrum. I totally respect what you what you just said. Because it's valid.
Yeah, it's, you
know, it's deconstruction, think you made me stop and think about prayer. And for the longest time, it was always okay. This is what I want, you know, especially as a little as a child growing up in the church, this is what I want. Can you help me get it? Now? It's my mindset changed. It's your plan your way? What do you want me to
do? And I think, you know, and honestly, one of the things I, I will say, I prayed about, what can I do to help the LGBTQ community because I don't believe you created these people as mistakes, what can I do? And this whole show, you know, shift into podcasts, and that I had come to Liam, I emailed Liam and said, I have this idea. What do you think? And this is how transcen ding humanity was born. You took it and ran with it.
Yeah, 'cos that's what I do... I'm bossy, but
then I love it, because I was like, I had no clue what I had to do any of it.
I didn't either, but that's what I do. So
you problem solved it.
So I just want to touch on what you said that at What Lisa just said about prayer to any of the any religious right, that's never gonna listen to this. That's how you do it. She's over there for me. That's how you do it. You're not asking for something. You're asking for advice on how to do something. And that's the conversation. It's not it's not selfish. It's selfless. So at least of what you're doing, I have so much respect for you. This is now me recording some I'm being
recorded saying this. I found a Christian that I respect. So that's kind of a big thing for me, because you don't see that very often. So thank you for that. I'm, you just opened my eyes to perspective on that to where? That's that's how you do it. That's I love that. Thank you. I'll shut up now.
You're good? No, that's fine. I love you, Vanessa. Yeah, one of these days we will meet Yes, we will in person. I mean, we're we got it. We got to plan on this somehow you do? Both.
Transcending humanity, picnics, family picnic. Where can we go?
New York. In Townsend hasn't left Pennsylvania yet?
That's correct. Not for a few months. I'll be here for a while.
But um, and that's what Christians should be. They should be selfless. Yeah. But they're not. They're self righteous. least that's what all of those. I can't even say they're all far. But that's what so many of the so many of the Christians think think, Oh, I'm being selfless. No, you're not. When you're not accepting, when you're not following the second greatest commandment ever given? You're not? I'm sorry. You're not being Christian. That's my own personal. My own personal
opinion. If people want to rag on me, go ahead. That's my belief.
I don't know how they can rag on you. Because isn't that exactly what you're taught? Period is not what's in your book. So yeah, if you read the book and understand the book, isn't that what The Book says?
And you and you practice adopt a yeah, that's, that's the key. And go ahead.
This sounds like a topic that might be another episode because yeah, go on.
I could go I can go 930.
Yeah, we can go on and on about it. But yeah. But no, this again, I have learned so much. I hope our audience has to, and especially people who are on that fence about wanting to be an ally. This is what it's all about. Yes. It's that respect, acceptance. Common Sense thinking before you ask. You know, it's, I know, I will probably ask when of y'all a question that I that I came up with, but I'm not going to do it on the program, because I don't think it's anybody else's
business. But it's one of those things where Think before you ask or say, Hey, can I pull you aside? I have, I feel ignorant. I feel you know, whatever. Do it one on one, don't do it on a personal platform. Don't Don't do it in a crowd, social media, whatever. Be respectful.
And if you can Google it, and not ask us that's also something that's just gonna say that
the caveat to Google is you can Google and get the wrong answer.
Yeah, depending on what your search history is, like, so go on incognito mode first, get yourself off of whatever and don't do it at work. Okay, my love's I think that we're at time now. But this I think was an absolutely amazing episode. I can't wait to get some pretty good ones. Yeah, I think we did. So I really hope our listeners find this one. Educational enjoyable a little bit more comedy in this one. Please, please please, if you're watching this on YouTube, hit
that subscribe button. If you're listening to this on a podcast platform let you rate namely, I think Apple Music is the only one I know that lets you do that. And a fire does too. Spotify does too. Okay? Please rate us on those it helps us get up in the rankings. It helps us push away from the hate and stuff like that. So like comment? Well actually in the YouTube I usually turn off comments on YouTube because obvious reasons. But yeah,
because reasons. But yeah, our new website is going to be out very soon. I'm just waiting for the domain to transfer over so hopefully, by the time you're listening to this, it's just transcending humanity that calm and it's gonna have you can see all of us eventually have files on there, but you can access all the episodes both in audio and video form. So I'm really excited to have that up and keep
an eye on my socials. For this one sets once that's up and running, I'll be smashed myriad all over the place because I want people to follow us. I want this to become huge. I want this to be a movement that people can really latch on to. So that's my soapbox. Closing thoughts from you.
Oh, if you're on the fence about being an ally, contact, contact me. I'm Lisa R. Magnuson contact me.
Fabulous ally. Yes. Hello, highly recommended five stars.
And we also here for support too. We are also always if you're interested in guest hosting or being a regular host on on the show. Let us know. It's just transcending humanity that podcast@gmail.com And we thank you for pointing this out. We really need some BiPAC representation here. Because as I said last episode, this is a very pale group. We really need some experiences outside of our own.
We're slowly expanding. Yeah, we started we already transform focus. And yeah, we started expanding. Yeah, we're
getting you here. Soon. Liam will be on and so you'll just you'll be building into us and you know, it's yeah, we're building slowly but making steps
No, no,
you have fabulous guests, but they're probably busy with a honeymoon. It's AC folks.
Yes, Dr. AC have to look fabulous.
I probably
he goes on his honeymoon right now.
I know Dr. Lulu wants to be on and she's amazing. I just sit there the the West African accent I think it's like the most beautiful accent in the world. So I'm just gonna sit there just like listening listening to her please just please keep talking.
Like paying attention but not fully just listening to them.
I had a teacher in college I took a history of West Africa course in college and the professor Dr. Catchy his voice was just it was musical. It was unlike anything else with this just beautiful accent whenever I hear that accent night just absolutely melt. I'm getting goosebumps I digress. transports you back? Yeah, exactly. So
I think that's any female with accents. Personally.
This was a guy though. So but Well, no, but
You liking it? Yeah. Female. Yeah, that is I could follow somebody around with mid Irish or British or Australia or West African because I had a professor that was from West Africa also in Texas, but oh, yeah, no, I get it.
Okay, well, then, I guess we can say now. Anyone else have anything else you want to close with? No. Okay. Thank you so much for joining us. This has been lovely. Episode Six is over next week will be Episode Seven. We have a plan for it. It's going to be a big plan. I'm hoping that I can that it can work out so hopefully we'll be able to announce that soon. But thank you for joining us and we love you have a great day, afternoon, evening. Whatever you're doing, by