Hey everyone, it's Vanessa. I realized that my mic on this episode is absolutely horrible. I apologize. I received the new mic from Amazon and it came broken. So for some reason my headsets microphone got activated instead of my phone's microphone. And I sound absolutely horrible. But please don't let that hold you back this steps. It's absolutely amazing. Thank you so much for listening. Hi, everybody. Welcome, transcending humanity as Episode Five. It's our trans
Joy episode. I'm Vanessa, and I'm joined by Erica and Riley today. I believe Eric is gonna be taking the lead today. So I'm gonna hand it on over to her for that way. She's that way.
You're that way.
We're all all over the place.
What else some some trans people in that. Alright. Today, we're gonna talk about one of my favorite topics, which is trans joy. Right? I think our community is pretty familiar with this topic. Although I read something pretty interesting today, where some people think of it as glimmers, which is sort of the opposite of a trigger. So those things that sort of spark a glimmer into your life? Oh, yes. Yeah, kinda, I'd like it to one of my one of my friends who's non binary, like, likes
that term a lot. It's great. Um, so when I suggested this topic, I actually like set out to find a definition of trans joy. And I couldn't find one, which was kind of surprising. But what I found was a lot of people's collection of like, here's my experience with trans joy, which, at the end was like, wow, we we don't really agree, but it also felt like really representative of the being transgender, we'd all approach it from databases, we have different goals, different
things cause us joy, right. So in a sense, it kind of is cool that there's not a definition. So the way I kind of want to talk about tackle this, at least at the top is for us each to kind of define when trans Joy means each of us, so I'll go first. So trans joy, my joy, glimmer, right? has its root in unequivocally being my authentic self, and finding like my style, and feeling like I'm really
rocking it. And just the general effervescence and joy that just comes off of me so much that never used to write, I find it and others like Vanessa or hearing from Riley or some of our other hosts, people that I know. Hearing their experiences and seeing them being their full of self really brings me joy as well that Representative I find it in how my body is changing and continuing change how my mindset has changed a lot getting a miss Mrs. or Ma'am, I was at the coffee shop at work
today. And this lady made my coffee for permission and a couple of times and she just is always so great at using my name or using pronouns. Another co worker referred to me as she I asked that question, and she answered it. Yes, ma'am. And those aren't things that I thought would spark joy in me, but they they really do they really bring that up for me. It's really has it's rooted in the fact that I no longer live in depression or anxiety the way
I used to, I feel whole. And it's like the best feeling in the world. And I was thinking today in the run up to this, like if I had to paint a picture, I love wedding pictures. To me, it feels like I'm sitting in the sun on the beach somewhere in the Caribbean, preferably and having a really great cocktail and just watching the sunset to me that's encapsulates my, my joy. It feels warm, it feels enveloping, it feels kingly, it's all the best things. Yeah. Like it's I
have this. Yeah. And I have this experience and in what I wear, and hugging people, people that are part of our community, people that are allies, just meeting other trans and non binary people and fighting to do that. Yeah, so that's, that's like my version and I would love to hear yours, Vanessa or rally whoever would like to go first.
Let's go Riley next. And also Riley Can you I sorry, I completely forgot to introduce yourself.
Yeah, so start with you. Yeah, I'm Riley. I'm 29 years old. I've been transitioning. For the summer will be actually 11 years since I started testosterone. It has been about nine, nine years. This your stem December will be 10 years since my top surgery. Wow. Yeah. So I was very fortunate enough to begin my transition. The summer
after I graduated high school. I was able to basically start college as a male presenting student, though I had very interesting experiences, especially freshman year with my transition. We'll save that for another time. Um, so but, you know, tying into though, trans joy. I mean, obviously starting my transition, though, and everything was obviously a big source of joy for me not just starting to meet other people and things like that in college that identified within the
community. But like being able to, just like, you know, Erica said, just starting to live as my authentic self. So, things like that were definitely a big source of trans joy for me, especially early on. And you know, as I've been transitioning just how that joy is even transitioned, as well, as, you know, I essentially live stealth for probably about four or five
years even. And the definition of what my trans Joy was, even during that time was kind of a bit different than what it was early in my transition.
Yeah, that's great. I would, as we go a little bit deeper, I would love to dive into how what joy feels like to you has has grown with you. So we can take that now, what do you want or we can go on to Vanessa's version.
Okay, it is up to me now. So trans is joy. Trans joy for me. I have been out for a lot shorter amount of time, then both of you. I came out in October of 2021 and didn't start my HRT what was just my plate I started in November 2021. So the whole concept of trans joy is still fairly new to me. And I'm, I'm learning being neurodivergent my brain is just
always all over the place. And I have noticed I extra kind to the good thing I do add this to change joy is that for so many years, I was masking everything i I've self diagnosed myself as autistic. But I messed that for my entire life. And once I started estrogen in how it how the hormones that your brain is craving for Erica and I's estrogen for Riley's testosterone that your brain has always wanted your entire life, once said is there. The clarity, while I'm imagining is kind of
the same. When you start testosterone too, and everything switches over, you have a clarity and that your brain is finally taking in this stuff that it's wanted, but your body never produced it. And so I've been able to unmask and I am really being able to find out who I am. And it's brought some difficulties, yes, because also I'm being thrown all these emotions and stuff at me that I'd never had before in my life, like I have panic attacks. And all the time, I never used to
have them. But I'm glad that I do. So that's kind of a strange thing to have in trans joy. But I have a feeling that a number of other people have that same kind of feeling in that their true self that for in my case, I kept buried for 40 years, the true self is finally starting to come out. And now that I have now that my body is pretty much pure estrogen I had orchiectomy late last year, so I don't produce any testosterone. It's just everything just clicks now.
But having emotions is so foreign to me, especially growing up in a family where emotions were bad. They're very bad. We didn't talk about emotions, and now I have them. And it's both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time to have all these feelings because I honestly don't know how to
process them all yet. So I kind of shut down but I love that I'm able to finally feel this stuff is like I was bored forever, like Seven of Nine and then pulled out of the the continuum now not to continue the collective pulled out of the collective. And yeah, so
with that. Is that Star Trek Voyager
or was all the Star Trek pretty much at the board we're in? Oh, seven number nine was probably Jerry. Yeah. And, and Picard. But, so yeah, that's a joy for me. It's I societally. I live in a area that trans people are not appreciated. So I haven't had a whole lot of that silently except for when I went to Canada and holy shit Canada. Everywhere I went, I was still even that was last July so I barely even had boobs or anything yet. But people didn't
care. Like I was just another face in the crowd there were around here, everyone just stops and stares at me. And they're no one cared, you know, I go in the bathroom, they didn't give a shit because they know it's just in there to pee. And that was the most. It was such a relief. It was such a wonderful, amazing thing. So that's my joy.
I mean, that's great. I want to I want to dive in a couple of those things and just sort of affirm I think, experiencing your feelings, your your thought processes in a new way is certainly something to have joy about. Right. And I'm sure Riley probably has his version of that, right. Like for me. I was always relatively in emotional, I'm a feeling person. I'm very empathetic. I'm a I'm
an empath, right. So but it was always hard for me to dive into the deeper things and really kind of get through those and I don't experience new feelings. But the volume has increased and the law Yeah, whichever, like, talking from those things, and talking about those things, just kind of blew me away, I kind of knew that that would be coming. But I didn't think it would feel the way it did. And so feeling like I can move my feelings and talk from them instead of talk
about them. finally felt like something had been fixed. Right. And for me, when I started estrogen, like, within two weeks, my whole mindset started to change. And the way I experienced that, as it felt like there was less, there was less like static, it felt, you know, like when you old school TV, when you turn it on their channel that's not receiving it's just that sound that went
away. So fast, and it changed everything for me, but and I'm still, you know, even you know, quite a good ways in at this point, still experiencing like, Oh, I really having a lot of feeling around that. On the one hand, it's like, Oh, shit. And the other hand, it's like, that's really cool. Right? And so, you know, yeah. And so, I definitely think that, that, even things like that, it doesn't have to be like, I have this cool outfit. Or someone
said ma'am, or sir. Or I feel comfortable in my city, it just be how I feel about myself, drive so much joy. So I'm curious Riley if you have like, you know, the trans man version of some of those experiences, frankly.
So, it's kind of funny how you guys were talking about, like, you know, the, the expansion of like, your emotions in a way. Just like for me actually, when I started testosterone, it was almost like inverted, where, like, my, my, my level, like I explained it to my partner one time that was like, you know, like, I used to feel like this. And like, I still feel the all those same emotions. It just, it's kind of more muted. And it's kind of just more like, this is the
range of it now. But like, it was still the same time though, like a weirdly affirming because I wasn't like, just becoming overly emotional over like, watching Lion King or something. You know, yeah.
That's me now. Yeah.
I can want something and it's like, okay, I know some of this is supposed to be sad. But like, it's weirdly affirming that I'm not crying over something right now.
cry like that. At this point. That's so wild. Oh, yes.
That dichotomy is amazing. It's, it's so wonderful to have a trans man on the show now, because it's mainly been, yeah, people influenced by estrogen on the show so far, really. And so having your perspective is amazing, because it's, what you're describing is what Eric and I spent years, you know, having, it's almost like an emotional tunnel vision, I suppose. I don't know if that's the right way to say it. So it's like, everything's more focused. And with estrogen, everything's
more broad. And I don't think one is better than the other, but they're very different. It's very wild, to be able to live in life to be able to feel both of those different perspectives. So that's the trans experience right there.
Yeah, it feels right. And feels native to me now, instead of something that used to control me. Yeah, you know, so what were you gonna say? ralink?
I don't quite remember what I was gonna say. Yes. No, no,
sorry. Let's go on. Let's go into another question. Thanks. I want to dive into a bit more specific. So you know, what, what brings that for you? They're most like your joy, your version of joy? What what really drives that home for you that's reliable and you can kind of see it comment. Yeah, what are your favorite things?
Um, I mean, obviously, for me, like the having the consistent like, you know, gender affirming, like, for me, sir, and Mr. and things like that. Obviously, having a pretty well established beard helps some of that
nice appearance, by the way. Get this very handsome
German Irish heritage. So I'm a pretty hairy but i, so this is actually kind of like I've thought about it. And I have like a very love hate relationship with it. But my receding hairline I would, I used to have the thickest hair guy. And while I am not the most thrilled about losing hair, it is also a very gender affirming thing. Because I mean, it is a hereditary thing and like I
it is it's a very, you know, typical experience for men have my own version or that right, you know, and I it's weird. I made my peace with that a long time ago and going through through transition and transition and starting estrogen, some has come back and if it all came back, that'd be great. But I'm kind of like, this is me. It feels it feels better. So happy that something that that many people are like, oh, man, still kind of feels affirming to you.
Exactly. Like I am. Plus, I know myself, I could have easily started doing you know, any of those hair treatment things, but I'm just like, weirdly, parents, like transferring stuff to my partner because I'm not like, yeah, I just I'm so paranoid about that. I I'm like, You know what, I'll just all bald, it's fine.
Well, let's, let's be honest, you know, hair is very gendered. But it does not make up that gingers experience unless you choose to allow it. Right? People, women and men go bald. Women and men have full thick pads of hair.
And besides bald guys.
What about you, Vanessa? I know you're talking about kind of being a little early. But do you have some reliable things that you can point to that kind of bring up that sense of joy for you?
Okay, this is gonna sound really strange, but it's something you just passed up the other day is, I all of a sudden have body positivity that I've never had before. And like for years, like I hated my body, I didn't care about it. I just let it go. I gained so much weight. And I mean, I can wait again too, but that's because I like so. But I have started taking my own nudes. And holy shit is it affirming, like, unlike anything I could possibly have imagined.
And it's just I, I having trouble putting into words, not something that I ever thought that I would ever do, because I've always just been ashamed of what I have. But now like, I take these pictures, I'm like, Holy shit, this is I'm turning into what this is turning into what I want it to be. And it's absolutely amazing. So that may sound like a strange affirming thing that sparks the joy. But that's it's very, very poignant. It's very, I'm having so much
fun with it. And I'm having fun sharing it to a limited audience as well. So you're expecting but you know, Billy's
cool. And that's that kind of references back to how we write. There's not there's not a universal decision. I mean, everybody loves being called by their name and loved and gender incorrectly for or whatever that looks like. We love feeling good in your clothes. Right? But there's the role of joy goes well beyond that, like me, i i When I got, you know, I guess ma'am, in response to a question I asked my colleague who has has only known me as Erica and who frankly I adore and she always
tenders me correctly. It's still really good to get to get that for some. For some indescribable reason. It wasn't a stranger it's someone I know and who knows me but today I just really enjoyed that right or well yeah, or when some of my sis female friends referred to me you know like we have a collection of gals that are supporting someone going through some health stuff and to be considered part of the the ladies supporting this amazing lazy lady is always affirming for me. I feel very
welcomed. That yes, yes,
yeah, totally. But it can be like this blazer or these earrings or having my nails done or just you know, the thing that I actually enjoy the most is like the weekend we are probably watching some sort of like today's show type of thing on the weekend and like the highs and lows comes on and I always cry at the high so like happy tears is a new thing for me and I love them every single time yeah calm like instantly and that was for and I used to watch my partner and be like, I mean
that's that's heartwarming by the tears and Now I get it, I totally get it. And I love it so much. But it can just be weird and wild things that it could be feeling like, I don't have to be shamed at wanting to have flowers in my life. I used to I've always loved flowers and always felt like as a man, like, although you shouldn't care about flowers so much. I love flowers. You know, so it's just, it's, there's, there's things that surprised me all the time.
You know, when I when I Yes. And when I find them, I take a moment. And I just tried to be in that moment with that thing. Because I remember what it was like before, I certainly had joy in my life before but it didn't always feel like this. I have joy with my partner always had that, but outside of some narrow joy with my kids, but outside of some narrow areas, I didn't feel joy. So when it happens now, like I eat that thing up.
Definitely, that actually gives me a question for you, Riley. Because I definitely have had the same experience like having groups of sis women being very, very, very supportive of me, which is amazing. They they love giving a cocktail. But what experience have you had with sis men? Do you see that as well?
Um, so I feel like for the most part, it's kind of hit or miss. Some guys are just kind of like, whatever. And they just kind of go about their day and like, Okay, you're just a dude. Whatever. Yeah. But then they're like, people who want to linger on it. And honestly, it's like the opposite of trans joy when people give me the sprays of like, oh my god, I could have never guessed. And I'm like, okay. Yeah. Like, that's not really the compliment you think
it is? Yeah. Because there's not really one way to look trans. While I'm not visibly queer, like I used to be. Yeah, that don't, please don't say that.
Yeah, yeah. For anyone listening out that never tell someone. Oh, you don't look trans.
Like that. It's a tough one to hear. I also kind of always bristle at Oh, you're so brave. Like, No, I'm just being myself.
Exactly. What you mean by it, but like I? Yeah, I guess I'm courageous in the aspect of, okay, I could have kept living in the closet. But like, I'm sorry, I chose not to continue to be depressed about this, like, I'm gonna do not be depressed. Yeah.
Yeah. But again, we're not monolithic. People might love hearing that, right. For me. It's I'm always like, I mean, yes, I am brave. But that's not the thing I want you to take away from, I want you to take away from the fact that I am happy. It's not.
Yes. Yes. Yes. So much. Yes.
Although I gotta say, I feel you Riley, I think the experience you're having, in terms of men feels kind of very similar to me, obviously, I was never the actual guy in the group, despite what people thought. But there were men that I hit it off with and men that just like, it was so like, and I feel like women do a better job of like gathering people in than
men do. So I think I've always sort of wondered if trans men sometimes feel suddenly kind of alone and alienated in that way, because men just don't gather the way that women do. Yeah.
It's more just in the way of like, you have to try and navigate not having lived as a male growing up. So my lived experiences of a, as a female growing up, you know, just the social dynamic is just different in males versus females. So like, even to this day, I still gravitate towards more female centric groups, mostly because I tend to hit it off better with women.
Yeah. That makes that I like you love that guy.
Yeah, that's one thing I hope that we can all do someday. It's just all get together and just have a big, big kind of amazing. Yeah, we can have a transcending conference, transcending humanity conference.
Yeah, that would be, that would be amazing. Okay, so let's, let's go a little bit
deeper with that one, right. So I mentioned to me that trans joy that that sort of glimmer, I really know what that term feels different than like, the other joy that I've experienced, like, you know, I take a lot of joy in my relationship with my partner in my adult kids and my, my son, my son, who's a Boy Scout and who plays soccer and I was a boy scout and I played soccer all the way through university and take a lot of joy and sharing those experiences with him and
help bringing him along the way and they feel nice and they feel rich, but not in the same way that that that glimmer that trench Joy does to me, it hits me quite differently. and it feels delightful in a different way. So I'm curious if you guys have some differing experiences, or is it transfer, I just feel like all joy to you?
Well, so I'll say that for me, it's kind of, especially because I've been transitioning for so long now. It has kind of evolved over time. So like, early on, I'd say, like, a lot of my trans Joy was just around the gender euphoria and, like, the changes that were happening, and being able to document those changes and see, oh, how much more My voice has dropped and things like that, those little,
little minut details. But you know, after a certain point, especially a lot for trans men, especially when we've hit, you know, like full beard, you're not really changing much in your voice anymore. Like, it really slows down after a while, you know, for me, it was probably around the four year mark is when I finally was like, Okay, this is it's not changing too much. It's just the hair on the top, it's still thin. And it
just kept spinning. And, like, you know, I was just, it was a lot of gender euphoria at the very beginning. And, you know, as it's kind of changed as I've continued to just keep transitioning in general, you know, it's, I'd say, there is kind of a difference in the way that the, the joy feels for trans Joy versus regular joy, especially now for me, because like, I kind of think of, oh, you know, I did an awesome job at work with this display or something. And like, I'm getting
feedback. And it's great, because like, that's, like, hey, personal pride in my work, sort of like joy. But then there's, like, you know, something cool happens in my transition, and like, especially now where it's like, oh, you know, or it's just, I'm very prideful about a specific moment or something. And it's just kind of how that and it's more in relation to how like, my transition is, for me, or just a moment of like solidarity with the LGBT community, plus community and
things like that. Those kinds of moments also spark trans joy in a way. It feels different. It does.
That's amazing.
That's amazing. I definitely feel a very that there's a separation for me between trans during regular joy, they do overlap as well. But being a parent of now three year old, I have a whole separate joy from that life as I
do. I'm a trans side, because I started off, you know, people saw me as my kid's dad, and now I'm, I've evolved to be his, his or their mother, but just my life, just watching my cancers grow and learn, and just all those things that is so incredibly joyful to me on a level complete outside of being trans. And when it starts to get closer together, I would say is more of my professional life.
Because I do, I have started using the fact that I'm trans in my professional life to kind of intermingle things somewhat that way. But my, I would say my greatest joy now just comes from being a parent. And it makes me kind of wonder what kind of person I would have been if I if my kid hadn't been born. When I came out, if I come out younger. It's kind of wild to think of that. But it's, I never thought that I would enjoy being a parent. I never wanted to be a
parent. But now having more of a motherly instinct over my kid is it's just so cool. And, yeah, that's, that's how my joys kind of crossing don't cross.
That sounds quite lovely. So I want to take it in a slightly different direction. Trans joy has led to a lot of richness in the life but it's also I think, given me it comes from a sense of my own agency as well. Right. And I know, obviously, being in the United States, on the planet at this time, as trans is not very popular. But still feeling like I finally have a sense of control in my life, right? Being trans and and thriving, and finding joy has brought me a new sense of agency that I don't
feel like I had before. And it's awaken this voice. And so I actually was one of those things that led me I'm here, right. And in my, in my day job, I manage data. I'm a product manager in my day job at work. I'm a lead of the LGBTQ or one of the leads of the LGBT, GQ organization that, you know, rage company. And that's something that wouldn't happen before, even though I identified as queer non
binary before. And so that sense has given me this real desire to work in people's lives to show up at places like this to make people's lives at work better to mentor to show up for people. And to know this, this isn't something I really prepped you both for. But do you either view at this point you transition starting to feel and it's an granted you're further along than both of us? That maybe has more track record with this, but how does that sense of agency
feel for you today? And how is that tied to your thriving and you're enjoy,
for me, mine is kind of on the same lines as yours, Erica. Like before, in the before times, I didn't really have passions about anything. And now I have this community and I am Byerly by early spire that I'm very passionate about it to the point where that's why this podcast exists. Because it had just been brought up kind of almost in passing on posts on LinkedIn, I'm like, let's do it. And because our community, we're at risk, we're being attacked. And we have to stand up for
ourselves. And being having this outlet, and being able to just bring hope to people, like I've received messages from people that listen to the show. And it's so so very rewarding to read those things. And at first, I had a kind of a notion of like, oh, we only have like so many downloads of the show right now. And I was talking to one of the hosts of another podcast about that who started same time as ours. transplanting, I'm
talking about Marcia there. And she said that she's not really that worried about the download numbers. Her concern is, if her show has helped one person, then she's done the right thing. And I'm like, you know, that's
perfect. You nailed it. That's, that's what I feel about transcending humanity is, I know that we are here, it brings so much targeted trans joy, knowing that we are bringing a message of hope for the community, hope for allies, educating people, hopefully, maybe some people will listen to this and change their mind about us know, just to hear, hey, we're just people just trying to live our lives and pee. But yeah, that's, that's, that's it for me. We
always have to pay. So yeah, that's, I agree with you completely on that is the finding this, just this whole world that I did not know, existed until now. And now it's just so absolutely beautiful.
And I actually I agree with you both on that. So like, in the like, before I began my transition everything, I definitely struggled a lot with a lot of depression, and you know, just a lot of just anxiety and other issues that just kind of prevented me from figuring out who I was. And like, even with some of the things that I enjoyed, there were still like, almost like a veil of like, okay, I enjoy this, but like there's a layer of something
missing here. Like to begin my transition and figure out who I was like, the urgency behind it was, okay, well, I like this, what else can I find out that I like, like, Oh, my goodness, there's so many possibilities. And so like finding community within the people who all said, the same way and like, I ended up so when I began figuring out my gender identity before I went off to college, I had the opportunity to actually meet, go to a monthly transmasculine group meeting at the local LGBT
center. I had to wait till I was 18 to join so I was like, oh my goodness, I was so excited for it. But once I was able to join like, oh my goodness, getting to meet 1213 other trans men who I could just be like, hey, oh my goodness, I experienced this and they could 1,000% relate with me was and like I had found a very similar but a lot smaller group when I went off to college and it was just a bunch of low cool people wasn't just college
students. And like, I made some great friendships out of those groups even. And just meeting those that can relate with you and more than just the Oh my guy, you're a guy. Yeah. I'm like, you 1,000% know, that actually like to have a period. And you know how much it sucks? You know? So just being able to have that sort of urgency and finding the people that could relate.
I, I love both of your answers. You know, from when I was on the outside, looking in knowing who I was, but not really having the courage to step on this path, right, I started be walking in alone. I mean, I knew my partner was with me, but having one person on your side still is a very, yeah, and, you know, coming out and coming out at work, I have made so many more friends. And even though it's already part of the queer community, my chosen family has grown tremendously.
Most of my close friends are trans and non binary, and quite a few of them are, you know, queer. Right. And I have to say something that I didn't expect, you know, and one of the reasons I wanted to do this episode and future episodes is, I think, most of us that on this path, thinking, the worst is going to
happen, right? We've got to do this thing to stay alive, or whatever your rationale is, but along the way, hopefully, and I hear so often, you find so many amazing people like the two of you, right, like all of our other hosts, and CO hosts and the people that are in our channels, right? Finding those
people. Feels amazing. Right? And, and back to something you said Vanessa, like, I for a fact, no one told there are more than a few people that had the guts to transition to finally transition because they saw me out in the public, living my life and having a great time. And that's why for me, that's why I do this. This is why I show up why talk. This is why I'm a lead on the BRG to show people you can do this, and there are good things that happen. Yeah, there's some crap
that happens. But there's good stuff too. And it's a worthwhile path. And I have this sort of affirmation, I tell myself all the time when I'm feeling like, which is like being trans and non binary is a supreme act of faith. Right? You're, it's the kind of which people just don't really see, we sort of love those people who have these take these big leaps of faith in their life, the Oprah's of the
world, or whatever it is. But when you look at the trans community, every single one of us has taken this, this giant leap, this just absolute truth of such an action, like put down the self help books, people get to know a trans person, you're going to learn a lot about resilience, conquering life, and finding your best self and putting that person forward. Right? Please read self help books don't Don't, don't take that from this conversation I
do. But go meet a trans person you're gonna find is so much inspiring about that. And that's why it's wild the way people tend to see us because if you really look, if you look beyond the, the societal, like, whatever they think about trans people and look at what we do, how we live our lives. That's something people dream of, yeah, that taking that sort of self love to the most deepest level is something that people hope that they can do at some point
in their lives. Get to know trans people, you're gonna find something to be inspired by
Yes, definitely. Yeah, it's what that's what finally gave me the courage to come out was there's a Starbucks near me in very red, Ohio. And one of the men managers is a trans woman. And I'm just like, at first like, I didn't, at first I didn't really comprehend and I started clocking her. But I'm like, holy shit. This is me. And it was just this light bulb moment for me seeing that. So knowing that you are going to help people in the same way and
I'm sure Riley does as well. And it's it's an easy way, Riley, this point that you made that I wanted to touch on too is when you were at those groups of trans mass. It's so fun talking to other trans people, especially trans people on the same work kind of binaries you just to hear the experiences like the ways that we saw things
like that. I know for me and probably for Erica and for Riley on the flip side that, like, you mean, not everybody goes to bed every night wishing that they are a girl or wishing that they are a boy. And but when you talk to other trans people, it's like, Okay, we have that in common. There's this, like, sense of community that we can all share. And so
yeah, and, you know, I think one of my favorite thing about doing having a few transmit in my life and many people is the things that it's I love hearing about what Riley loves being a trans man, your beard is glorious. Yeah, you were very handsome dude. Yes. For me, it was traumatic to have a beard. I still have to shave. To a certain extent and like, but your joy in that doesn't hit me the wrong way. It hits me at like, look at that authenticity he is wearing. And it's amazing.
I don't have a beard. You look great with a beard. Yeah, that's something I can get behind celebrating, right?
Yeah, yeah, we have a hottie in a in a beard on our show right now.
Sorry to put a spotlight on you and embarrass you. But I like to hire people for the things that I see that are true and authentic about them. So that's okay, so sort of bringing this thing back in here in the end, right? Because I, there are certainly a lot of trans non binary binary friends watching this. But I suspect there's probably some people kind of contemplating this path, or people knew on this path or people like wait, trans joins a
thing? Do you have any advice to sort of point people in the right direction and where they can start to seek this out?
For me, my advice would be, well, you're already doing the right thing by listening to this show. Find other shows. There's so many YouTube channels, there are so many creators just envelop yourself in all the different personalities, all the different the huge spectrum that is underneath the trans umbrella. Because right now, the three of us were fairly either ended up binary, I would say, but there's such it's just as absolute beautiful spectrum of people and just learn about people you'll
hear. I think you'll find that a lot of us have similar kind of like bass. Bass, what might Vanessa use your brain, your brain does not work based experiences, of like the coming out and stuff like that. But all of us have completely different lived experiences to and if you just, if you watch these people and learn from them, you might find Holy shit. That's me. What what this person is going through is exactly how I feel.
Or what this person is going through is exactly what my child is telling me that they feel or my sibling or whatever. And it could help you just open your eyes, which helps you become Whoa. Yeah, me too.
That you really,
I mean, I agree with Vanessa, for sure. Because that's honestly like, for me, that's how I figured out I was trans to begin with was, I was you know, perusing YouTube and I would find, you know, various LGBTQ videos and I found like, Chase Ross, and I believe, I can't remember his last name, but I know his username is like jammie dodger. UK YouTuber, and like, there's just all these YouTubers. And back in the day when Tumblr was still an active
thing that was a whole, right? A whole community that I found through there, and just knowing that there were other people out there and being able to do that is just a good way to start figuring out okay, well, is this possibly something that might apply to myself or, you know, as Vanessa or anybody else who said to regarding like bees, it could apply to my child, this is how they've been expressing it to me and, you know, I can see that these people have been living
their lives and they are not, you know, these monsters or anything that the concert parties are making us out to be, you know, it's it's very just being very open to knowing people that aren't just immediately around you sort of.
Yeah, I'm not I'm not scary up here, my floral floral blades. You're okay
five foot 10 balding man with a beard. But I'm, I'm a teddy bear. Bear.
And that's the best thing to be. Yeah, that's the best thing for you to be. And it's amazing that you get to be that.
It's so I have, I just think trans men are just kind of just wonderful. But it's just me like, and that really attracted this cis men but I am attracted to trans men, because, ya know? Yeah, definitely.
I think from, from my perspective, I think we'll kind of touch on what both of you said already, like, it was a really daunting task for me at first like me to people, to be myself out in public and to try to meet other trans people on it, it took a while, and I work out. There's a whole lot of being trans, especially newly trans, that just takes lots of courage and guts, right? That coming back to that brave thing. Because you just have to go out there and do it to some extent.
But if you can meet people, even if you meet them online, get on a Zoom meeting, show up talk to people have these conversations, you're gonna start finding that there are people just like you out there and that your experience isn't isolated, and that you're not alone. Even if there's no one right in your local area that, you know, my world exploded, it blew up when I star ted to get to know people. And it just became
easier and easier. I mean, that's probably my number one advice, just go meet people in person, online. You know, it just, it just spreads from there, take those opportunities, and I think, also just be patient, it's going to show up, you know, relatively new on this path. A lot of things are going on, probably going through the coming out process, which is its own beast, right? changes may be happening, maybe you're maybe
yourself, right. But just be patient, like it takes time for for things to start to settle for you to feel comfortable. And I think, for me, when I started to feel comfortable, that's when I can see the joy that I was having outside of like the really startling things. And like I said, No more of that static in the back of my head. So it is just the presence of time, but most of my joy is in fellowship, frankly. Yeah,
you'll find it. Yeah. Yeah. If you don't have a friends, you have i on the show, come talk to me right here, reach out to us.
We're approachable. One thing that you said that I really want to hammer home for everybody, just listen to what Eric has said, You are not alone at all. There are so many people out there that that are here to support you. So if you're ever feeling trapped, if you if you're, if your egg is just cracked, and you don't know what to do, don't be afraid to reach out to people. So as Erica said, the community is amazing. And yeah, yeah, it's it's huge. So reach out, please.
And one thing, one thing I want to add on to that finance really quickly is I hear a lot. When I talk to people in person, you'll you seem like you'd be so intimidating. But you're so friendly and warm and welcoming. And that's pretty much true for most trans people. Well, we're not here to crack your egg for you. We're here to hear you out and talk to you. And we know what it's like to step on this path. If there's someone you want to reach out to. I mean, if they're like a megastar, like
good luck, right? If you know some people kind of in your community, reach out, say hello, they probably would love to chat with you. It's not as you're more scared of them saying no than the fact that they probably are just gonna say yes.
That's why I'm here. And now this shows this is I reached out to her on LinkedIn, I started just connecting with the bigger names in the trans community on LinkedIn. And now here we are, you know, in creating your own little following. So, yeah.
All right. So I'm gonna draw to a close here a little bit. So we're going to be coming back to this topic regularly, hopefully, once a month. And there's a lot of good reasons for that. A, it's it's a lot of fun to talk about trans joy. But it's, it's important to talk about the good things, right? We're all Well, well, well read on the things that are bad about being trans the things that we
all navigate. And the more we focus on that even though there's a lot of things that need our focus, the more it weighs on us, the more defects are our mental health. So the more we also take time to hear about the good things that you're experiencing, that other people experiencing, the better it is for everybody involved. We need to help our community understand there's a lot of good
with this path as well. So, to that end, please reach out to the show if you have some news you'd like for us to share on your behalf. If you have questions about trans joy, we want to be able to answer those for you. We're going to come Back to this monthly. Yeah, so I can't really see Vanessa sitting on her way.
I just want Riley me. It's I'm so glad that you're here. And I'm hoping to see you on many more episodes. Erica, thank you so much for this. setting this up. It's when Eric I mentioned I mentioned it in our Discord. And just like, that is such an amazing idea. Because we are just hit with a constant onslaught of just and just negativity and all this stuff. And to be able to step back and be like, because a lot of it I know many of us say that even all the bullshit that we have to
go through. If we had the choice of doing it all over again, we would, because while being trans is awesome, or B while being trans is hard, it's also fucking awesome. And it is it is so yeah, it's these episodes. Everyone send your thanks to Erica for for conceptualizing this trans Joy thing, because we need it. It's important. And I'm hoping that we have so many people sending in stories or anything having people to add for guests. Anything that was going on with it. Yeah, we want
to hear people's stories. We want to hear people's trans joy. So if you're interested, if you if you're listening to this, if you're watching this and you're interested in sharing your your joy, let us know. You know, we'll have you on. So
this is a collective experience this this podcast, you have something to say and you're interested reach out to Vanessa. Yeah, big group is growing. That's why you see different faces all the time.
Riley, do you have any closing thoughts?
Not too much. I just you know, if you guys have any questions, or anything, even especially on the trans masculine side that you guys want to direct or not, answer or even anything like that, just you know, shoot me a message.
trans masculine elder.
That's, it's so great to have you Riley. Because as we know, trans representation airs heavily on the side of the trans women, right? And trans men are they're right in there with us. And they're just as important and they have similar and also different experiences. So I'm so glad that we have you with us.
And we are also hoping to find some wonderful bipoc people as well. So is that how you pronounce it? I'm failing it. Yeah. Yeah, I've never really it's somebody. It's just how they read it in my head. But yeah, we are a very pale group right now. So I would love to see even more diversity amongst our ranks. But well, Erica, thank you so much Riley, thank you so much for joining us. This
is a wonderful episode. I'm glad I double record all these because I accidentally forgot to hit record on the Zoom one but I have it going on OBS sad about like, the recording I'm like shitting there because it's like talking about like, apples will go with it. So but
when I used to side side back that my dad's an audio engineer, so I like grew up with know and kind of do recordings and I used to do a bunch of like spoken word stuff for people like their workshops and book recordings and things like that. I was so anal about that because there's just a couple of times where I forgot to hit that button and it's so bad. You have like the backend system. Yeah, it causes some crazy panic
wreath tendencies. This entire reason I have this entire redundancy set up because I am flaky as fuck thank you both of you. Next week I'm not quite sure what our topic is going to be what I understand we're going to be talking about people's their military experiences but it's not quite set in stone yet. So perhaps next week, we'll be emissary sake. Thank you for joining us. Again, if you have
questions reach out to us. You can DM DM me or anybody or emails at transcending that humanity that podcast@gmail.com It's long but it's simple. So thank you both for joining. Until next time. Thank you soon