Hey everyone, its Vanessa. I just wanted to give you a quick content warning on this episode. There's some heavier topics including self harm self analyzing, family drama family of you. We talked about difficulties that trans people have with accepting families and all the wonderful things that come with that. So, just wanted to give you a heads up before you start the episode. Enjoy.
Welcome back to transcending humanity podcast. I am Lisa Magnuson. I go by she her. I am an ally to this fabulous group of people. And I am co hosting with Luna.
Hey, everyone, I'm Luna. If you don't know I am the parent of a trans son. And I just enjoy my time with my lovely friends.
Taryn Talley, marketing leader occasional guest or host or co host whenever on transcending humanity. So if you like what you hear smash the subscribe button.
I'm Liam Paschall, my pronouns are he, him, I'm a trans man. And I kinda, I come here, I get in where I fit in. Sometimes I don't get to join as much as I like, but I love all these books on this on this session. And let's see, I'm a senior consultant and management development in my my day job. And I also do consulting, as far as trans inclusion and Ally ship, with companies and schools and such. So glad to be here. And yeah, hit that subscribe button. We need it.
Well, you know, me, I'm Vanessa. And when they're talking about the subscribe button, they're talking about, as Taryn calls it, do that on the YouTube.
Is that ever going to die?
No, no, it's never going to die. I am the girl that does stuff in the background here. And I'm currently unemployed. So someone sent me a job offer because I do this for free. I want something that I don't do for free.
That's different for most people, most people want everything free. So I mean, come on now.
I know.
So we had a discussion in one of our previous podcasts, and we said, hey, let's table that for another episode. And it's about coming out trans as well as on the LGBTQ plus community. But I know everybody's experience is different. solid questioning, we're just going to kind of be organic and kind of everybody tag off on things. Because I know, everybody has experienced some type of shunning within their family. So let's, let's just, you know, start talking about
experiences. You know, I have one as a sideline, I don't have one that's direct. So but it makes, it makes me feel horrible as an as her aunt, as well as being a former teacher, when I had students come out to me and hearing how their parents shun them or kick them out of the house, we're talking 14 1516 It breaks my heart because as a parent of three children, that is my job to love them, protect them and always be their biggest
cheerleader. And so it, it hurts me seeing friends, family, and we have students who that happens too. So whoever wants to go first, you go first.
Ah, so I'll start us off here, I guess. You know, when I think about family, I think about you know, if you if you have a partner, obviously you have that part of your family, your partner, your kids, if you have kids, and you have your, you know, your parents, your grandparents and then the other side parents and grandparents and a couple months into it, my brother decides to text message me out of the blue and say, I am sorry to hear about your son.
And I'm like, Who is this? And he says, oh, it's your brother. I'm trying to get in touch with my and he used the term sister and my dead name. I just could not fathom how any human being and now my God, he's supposed to be a Christian. And so as my father, I could not fathom how any human being would even begin to think that that was okay. If you don't contact me, and talk to me and tell me that you're sorry. And really
mean it. You've sent me a frickin text and use my dead name and wrong pronouns to tell me that you're sorry that my son died. I mean, it just boggles my mind how parents? I hate to even call them parents because they aren't. You don't have kids and do that, too. I didn't mean to be too long winded there. But I can't talk about it without bringing up the whole story about my brother.
Yeah, I remember when you did that post. It was like, I mean, just I can't imagine, as a parent, I can't imagine losing a kid. Right? Like, Dan, it's got to be like, I can't even describe it. Right. And then to have your own can your own family. Yeah, do that in like a term of disrespect. After giving their texts or condolences? I was like, I mean, you're right. I mean, it's it was I had no work for it. I mean, I just was like I felt for you. Because I'm like, I'm so
sorry. You're going through something that none No parent wants to ever even consider, you know, and that this person couldn't even be bothered with the bare minimum. Obviously. It sounds like you're asking for like the world. I always get picked on as I say, scootch instead of scoach, but it's respect. Right? Right. And it was
a future episode.
It was almost like, you know, I, part of me was like, Oh, is this is this just him doing what he thinks is the Christian thing to do? So you can mark it off the heat, you know, Oh, I did that. That was the Christian thing for me to do. And I just, it just, it blows my mind how people can just be so judgmental and non caring and, and every part of me just wants to pick up the phone and say, What exactly have I done to you that has affected your life in such a negative
way? That this is how you choose to treat me and this is your choice. It's not my choice to be who I am. It's your choice to treat me this way.
And I said when when when you're talking about him being crushed, and all I can think about is my argument that I know you have seen on LinkedIn every single time. Jesus is second greatest command. meant Love your neighbor as yourself, you are his relative. And he can't even do that. And this is an I'm not going to say I don't know the Christians that just think that the whole LGBTQ plus community is horrible. I do. And I distance myself as much as
possible. And I try not I try very hard not to associate with them anymore. It's hard when it's family. But at the same time, that's one of my goals is to make people stop and think about okay, which part of Christianity are you following when you're doing this? Right? It's nowhere in the Bible that I've read that you should hate ABCDEFG but love everybody else. It says Love your neighbor as yourself.
I think they replaced the second commandment with the Second Amendment.
I think you might be right there.
You didn't introduce your dog.
Oh, Gabby. Come here. Come here. Our other guests?
Is this cute little furball Oh. Minor pasta passed out on the hi Gabby. Beautiful. Look there that sweetness?
Not judge if your furbaby came out? Okay, no loving, loving the fur baby.
Well, she's, she's already like, tried humping me before. So she's very dominant. I
always say to my, to my, my two male dogs are gay because one tries to help the other from time to time I'm like, Hey, you just do.
So it's interesting that you say that because in the animal kingdom, there's like not really a there's not a binary sexuality system. Like we have humans, cuz
it's like, it's all made up all made
it. I'm really. So there's like this tragic story of how a manatee died a few weeks ago in captivity are not captivity, but they were being studied in Florida. And they were two males and one of them passed. And it's just like, this is a great example of how humanity has made up these rules that we are this, we're only allowed to be this. And the animal kingdom is like, throwing up pizza. Like we're
not part of this bananas. You know, and like you study apes, same thing, you know, you know, gender doesn't matter to them dolphins the same thing? Like, you look at it, we're the only mammals on the earth that make these, you know, transient rules, because they change what the era that that penalizes people ends up, you know, long term can end up ending someone's life. You know, when they don't get the proper support they need when they don't get the love
they need. And like with Liam like, just, you know, thank vapor gods, but you were strong enough to make that through. But there's so many of our LGBTQ siblings that just couldn't make it through, right. And so when you have something as as horrible as a parent who doesn't support their child, it's like, every child that has made it to adulthood, like we should celebrate, like, it's not easy. No, it's not. And I think I
really do think that. And I think this about everybody, not just parents, I think there's something inside of people, it's not that they don't understand,
I think it's just that they are unhappy within themselves. And so they have to take that and just, you know, pass it around to everybody's like, with my, with my dad, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that, you know, he would look at me and say, Well, this is against my, you know, it's against the Bible. It's against my religion, it's against. But at the end of the day, it's more of what somebody in my church going to say about me if they
know this. And I really do think it's just a matter of people being miserable in their own lives. And so they had to take it out on other people. Yeah,
I also kind of feel like it's a lack of empathy, to be honest. I mean, in US culture, it's very like all about yourself, very self centering. Lot of what you can do, what you can get, and all of that. And I think, like, for me, it's just I look at people and I'm like, if you can, like I don't have to be something to understand someone's journey by to listen to understand. Not alone. Excuse me. They're not alone. And baby Hankins all Have them or share
with them, right? Like, I feel like there's a thing where it's like, you've got to be part of something in order to understand it. And like, that's not how it works. And I feel like people like we should be teaching children how to develop empathy. I mean, it happens when we're really, really young. I mean, and I remember like, I mean, I got my sense of empathy for my mom and my grandma. Right? Like, like understanding how the journey someone else walks,
right. Right. And, and just in being there, and being part of that and not having to be them to understand that right, and just listen. And I just feel like everybody's too busy shouting and yelling, sending ourselves and getting their big buttload of possessions that they think they're going to take into the afterlife and all this you know, and I feel like Christianity, like just about that. And like, no offense to
the Christians on this call. If there are any least I know you're one, you know, it's like, but I when I hear them say you they're real anti, like trans hate us, like Jesus or in the Old Testament, or whatever they want to use. I all I can think is Kuni. God, nothing to me. Sorry, God, God. You knew exactly where I was going. Thanks for the Thanks for the assist. But yeah, I mean, what's
the Christianity? There's a lot less Christ and Christianity very that people, right, because I mean, when you're looking at it, like I mean, nothing like Jesus or brown socialist, right? I mean, nothing that they believe right now is based in even their own myth. Oh, it's all
it's all whitewashed. Every bit of
anybody sees sees rats dogs. My favorite line out of that is thank you wait, Jesus. It's but that's the thing. It's like they don't they know the tenets of their state their, you know, the stories or whatever, but passed down. I was reading, I was watching something on Instagram where they were talking about. Like, there were some myths translations of the Bible, like I know, a couple centuries ago, and people just
picked up and ran with it. It's not even accurate to what was written down like 1000 or 2000 years ago. So it's like, I call it a myth, because it's like, they're just stories and fables.
That's it. They just been rewritten and rewritten. And my favorite thing that my dad used to my dad, and I used to argue about this is, okay, you read that passage, and this is what it means to you. But when I read that passage, this is what it means to me. So does that mean, you're right, and I'm wrong? No, that's not what it means. That just means you interpret it one way, and I interpreted another, it does not mean you are all knowing, and everything has to be your way.
But also bear in mind that a few 100 years after, like the original papers that the Bible was based on was written, there was a conference and they looked at all of the documents, and they edited them down to one source, so they burn the originals. Like we don't even have the originals anymore. They like, destroy the originals altered where they wanted to, and fit it all together. So like when you think about that, just you know, you read it, take a grain of salt. It's not even
like Paul's writings. And then keep in mind, Paul never met Jesus because he was born when Jesus died. But like, if you get into the history of it, and you start digging, you're just like, this thing that you're using to hurt other people. Let's start with let's start with the bases. Is this a factual document? Is this the original document? Is this actually his teachings because once you dig into that, you're just like, it
all come from?
Where's it all come from? You're spewing all this hate when even if you go by the altar document you're supposed to love like, my parents were I just discovered this, you know, Mormon, and Seventh Day Adventist, and Pentecostal and Baptist and Presbyterian. So, you know, during my first 18 years of my life, I ran the gambit of religions. And so my story is, is a little bit different than Liam's but not much different. For me, you know, I, my I'm the third oldest
of 11. And my, the eldest child, my sister, she was 14 when she fell in love with a girl. And, you know, my parents deeply religious in their own way. said no, they said, Absolutely not. And after months and months of trying to break them up, they eventually kicked my 14 year old sister out in the streets, in the Bronx, in New York. And I mean, my sister was kicked out for like a good two years before they even tried walking her back in and so she was on her own for
two years. And so me a few years younger, I'm looking at that going, Oh, God, I cannot tell my parents at all. Not even a little bit. And the funny thing is, you know, my parents to this day actually don't know. I mean, they disowned me when I was like 18 or 19. Somewhere in that age, so we've not talked if they wouldn't know anything about my adult life. But even as a teenager, that was like my warning sign, it was like, do not tell your parents that you
like women. Don't tell them don't think about it, don't breathe about it. I had a really great friend. She was the first person I slept with and it was a she's not a him and my parents would have been appalled they would have, they would, they would have died, actually, probably. You know, I had a girlfriend before I had a boyfriend. And all of this I kept under wraps my entire teenage life, from two very disapproving parents. And it's just like, I didn't want that
for my child. And so when I when I raised my son, I was like, You love who you love, you can't help it. You love it, you support it, we're, you know, we don't care. Nonbinary straight, gay, we don't care, as long as you're happy. Like, that's what makes us happy. But you know, even to this day, like if I thought about going to my parents ago, oh, hey, by the way, I'm pansexual I like people from what would not be considered the normal spectrum
of gender. And, you know, they'd probably disown me all over again. Should like, you know, just you see that you see that? You just think I don't want that for my kid. But it's real, like parents, parents hate will overcome their love for their children, if they have love for their children. Oh, yeah.
I mean, for me, it's, um, you know, parents were conservative and Christian. So I kind of dove back into the closet in the late teens. didn't come out until the 30s, mid 30s and transition of 50. But I mean, for me, what I what I experienced, like the fear, right, because I didn't want to get kicked out. Like, I didn't want to be on the streets. I mean, because we all know that that does not end well for a lot
of people. So like, when my own daughter when she started dating girls in high school, I think she was like, 15. I was like, Baby, love is love. I said, bring whoever you want. I said as long as they respect you and love you love you. That's all that's important. I said, the only thing I will not tolerate in this house is a Republican. I'm just gonna say like, just do what you got to do, right? And just have that love in your
life. And no Republicans. You know, and I'll share a little bit of my story as I did more of a pre shouting. So nobody clicks on me per se. I just cut people out of my life. I mean, it's 50. I was like this Broadsword. You're all done, I connected to a few cousins that I love on Instagram. came up to my daughter and 2018 before she joined the Navy, and came up toy multiply times we came out to my mom, you know, and never came out to my dad, you know, he died. He had a heart attack in
2020. But he was one of those abusive people in my life, right? Just like, I mean, I was never masculine enough for him. Never doing the right thing and constantly hearing the F word. And then when I talked about the F word, it's one of like, five might not be able to work for so many years, right. So when he died, I was actually kind of like, gotta be honest, and that sounds horrible. So judging. So I was like, Okay, I don't have to come out to you. All right. I see. And I don't
think that's anything to judge you are paying attention to your mental health.
Exactly.
So I wasn't totally sad by bad facts. You know, I was able to come out to my grandmother who was pretty close to me. It's like, we just don't need some relationships. So she died before I came out. You know, when my aunt so my mom and my aunt. Both know, and oh, my gosh, I called her on her birthday. She's like, Have you hit any topless beaches? Yeah, like that, sir. Since she's like, 70. Right. Sounds like Yeah, I hear once in a while. But you know, like, Yeah, so like, I'm just connect. My
nieces came up to them. Like I think about a year and a half ago. And I think on my first time with y'all, I shared the story about my brother. So my brother is like a Trumpist. Right? Like Arch conservative. 50 AR fifteens kind of thing. You know, never. What's that?
We must be related.
Well, part of my family's from North Carolina. But I'm Virgil. I'm in North Carolina, up in the steps, so even, I never told him because him and I are like, kind of like, I don't know, fire and napalm. And, you know, I just didn't want to deal with it. So I never told him. He figured it out, like stalking me on social media confronting my mom about it. My mom, of course, sides with me. So she didn't say anything. So he finally came out, like came to me. And he's like, Look, I know you're
transitioning. He's like, I just want you to know that I support you, and I love you. And I was like, Oh, my, like, we were building that relationship. And it was fine. The last person I thought would ever be accepting to me was, and he has done nothing but kindness. Me, He hardly ever texted me. Now he checks up on me. See how I'm doing? I mean, it's just amazing, right? And I can't wait to be out at at his daughter's next wedding. I mean, she's previously married to not a
great person. And now she's getting married again in March now, as me, so that's looking forward to that. But I invite family reaches out to me, that's fine. I don't care. My cousin's found me and follow me. But it's like for some of them. They're hardcore Christians. And I mean, I'm hard. Like, I mean, I'm going to help. That's what they'll tell you. I mean, I'm okay with that. But I just don't want to have to hear it all the time. I'm one of these people
that's like this. I'd rather rule in hell than serve in heaven. So what I'm good
with that? People say that to me now, I so just want to say you to realize that I'm kind of in hell now. The state of our country. He can't be worse than this candidate.
Yeah, that's the truth.
Remind. I was thinking about you guys. The paperwork that just rolled out from the county for my son. Here's some trans stuff. Like I thought a full three page paper about their pronouns and
a whole bunch of real. Oh, okay.
Sorry, go. We'll talk later.
No, I mean, that's for real. I was smoking the dog this morning. And I was thinking, you know, I was like, I thought it'd be in hell than in the American South. Yeah. I mean, I'd be cool with that. I'm like, the ninth and 10th circle and I'll be fine. Yeah, I'd rather be there than Alabama.
That's where I'm gonna go into hell. That's okay. I'll give out ice water because it can't be worse than this.
Yeah, no. Exactly. And I guess I'm going to share mine. Yeah. Okay. Wait. So, I mean, I've known I was trans since I was like, a little kid. And then I, I've said this before, it's like in my 20s I didn't even know that trans people existed until my 20s. And then I saw a documentary. And I'm like, Oh, shit, but I was in an extremely
abusive family. My father if he hadn't analyzed himself, and I came out before that he would have analyzed me so But thankfully, he decided to shake hands with a train and last so don't feel bad. I'm glad that my dad got hit by train so if your parents so if your kids celebrate your death you fucked up just just putting that out there so
I put that on a t shirt actually yeah
my mother I disowned one time ago she's like she's kind of sort of reached out like she sent me a holiday present. And but like didn't say who it was from I just got this bracelet in the mail and I'm like it had it had my my correct name I have Vanessa Joy on the on the envelope. But like she had been physically sexually emotionally everything abusive
my entire life. And as I when I got this package with this braces are pretty bracelet, but no indication who was from and so I wound up calling the company and they told me it was her I said, I have to send this back. I can't take an abuser, stalkers. Stop. So but so like, my, my parents, my dad never found that out. Josie. Josie is my mother. She's married to Bill Romer, who is in Ohio. State House representative, very conservative. So yeah, I don't want anything to do with that.
My brother and I actually reconnected after my dad died. We're still not like close, close, but at least we're we're cordial now. And he's starting to get more used to the idea. At first it kind of blew his mind. Because again, he was still very, you know, he's less conservative than he was but it's still I'm new to him. I have I've heard from one cousin, my cousin Brian who's fucking amazing him and his wife. They're super supportive. They're absolutely wonderful
allies. The rest of the family I haven't heard much from except for my dad's sister, which I actually pulled up my post that posted about it like, nine months ago. She's like, conspiracy theory, hardcore, Maga, crazy. And I actually want to read her text because I did a hashtag for a while called Don't be cheesy or don't be a god, her name is Judy. And I'm going to read to read to you our short little conversation here. She
texted me out of the blue. This was after my orchiectomy for those that don't know what an orchiectomy is, check out Lily continue this video on cakepops. But it's essentially I'm neutered I've, I've had the balls heated. So but so she sends me a text out of the blue. She says Jeremy, which is my dead name. Come up, Vanessa, Joy. This is heavy on my heart. You will never feel whole with what you're pursuing. If you ever want to talk, I'm here for
you and God. And so I just responded, I said, I'm assuming that you're outing yourself as transphobic. And so she responds. She said, Oh, please stop with that shit. Don't label me and I will label you. Let's be real and honest. You're my nephew. And I care for you. Just what just want you to know that if in when you hit the wall, I'm here. I know how your life has sucked. I too have been immersed
in it. Above all, I am bound by the second most important command to love no matter what, no matter who just let me know if you ever need someone to talk to. And I close the conversation was saying there's no hate, like Christian love. You truly are your father's daughter. Never contact me again. And that was a deep dig. My grandfather, her dad, my dad's dad was easily one of the most evil people I've ever known. Maybe who's even ever existed. Horrible, horrible
person. So I knew that just saying, comparing her to him, which is eat away at her. But yeah, I didn't want to hear anything else from her on that. But that kind of conversation is very, I would say typical for what trans people get, like, just blatant misgendering completely discounting who I am calling me her nephew using my dead name. But she loves me know if you fucking love me, bitch, you would not say that shit. And you'd be like, I'm here for you. I may not understand it's fine.
If someone doesn't if if someone doesn't understand what being transgender is, that's fine. Be open to learning about it. I mean, a lot of people have never met a trans person or have never been exposed to trans people. So yeah, that they know of Yeah, exactly. Everyone's met one. But and I don't know, it's just, it's not hard to just try to open up your mind a little bit. As for the rest of people around me. My son's mother has been very supportive, and we're no
longer together. I don't think she's one I'm very difficult to live with. I'm autistic and grumpy. And she's not a lesbian. I still live in the basement until I can get a job and afford my own place. But and her parents are both boomers, liberal boomers, but it's taken them. I mean, I've been out for almost two years now and they're finally finally gendering me correctly. Because my voice
again I haven't last time. Okay. But they like one of the first things when I came out is they said don't come out publicly until we have a chance to process it. And know that you don't tell someone that it if someone wants to come out that when and where and how they do that is their decision. You don't get to dictate that. So I suppose that's my story overall, like my son's mom has become more and more and more understanding and now she's
navigated. She's part of a ERG at her at her work for trans people. And so, so that's nice, but it's her family, the only real family I still have a connection with Be my cousin Ryan and Kelly, if you're listening, I love you.
This is the thing that gets me. And there's various religions in the world. I mean, it's not just Christianity, we know that, okay. But my, my mom and dad did things when they were adults, that was their choice to do things that anyone would look at and go, That is horrible like that is, you're a horrible person for doing this first, not raising their own child was one of the things right. My mom did drugs, she ended up in prison at one point.
And again, these are all choices, but what I find is that Christian people love to pick and choose what they think is okay. So it's, you know, I can do as a Christian, I can do all these things. And it's okay, because I'm going to be forgiving, deeply held religious beliefs. Exactly. But because you're trans and I don't agree with it, you're gonna go to hell, and there's nothing you can do to change it. Because you're just, you're the worst thing that I could possibly ever
imagine. Right? And so that to me is another thing you just gets me about my parents is like, I can list just one right after another, all this stupid shit that you guys did. And you thought it was perfectly okay. And now you're you're older and you're wiser, supposedly, and that all those things are okay, they're forgiven. And I forgave time ago for some of the stupid shit that you did that you can't accept me. And I've known since I was like, four. That I was
differently. I didn't know what it meant to be trans at the time, because I was so little, but I'm the same person. I have always been on the inside the gift that is me is still me. I'm just a little bit more improved packaging now. Right? That's it. This, I didn't change who I am as a person. I still love the same, I still give nice, warm, squishy hugs. I still care about people, I still give you the shirt off my back if you need it. Why does Why am I going to hell? If such a place exists?
Why am I such a bad person for just being V? Exactly.
And now I'm going to find what Vanessa said with her aunt saying, Well, I'm living the you know, the way I should be as a Christian loving everybody. Again, you have you hit it on the nose with interpretation. Yeah, it's interpretation. I see it totally different than her aunt, or, you know, because I, that's how I am. I love if we're friends, nine times out of 10, I claim you as family, you know, and I will be your biggest
supporter. So and I don't understand that concept as why Christians feel they can pick and choose. I've never understood that. Even growing up and I grew up Lutheran. I went to a college, a Catholic College, and I was Mormon for 20 years. And I still, the hypocrisy is amazing. And then tagging off also on what Luna said, with regards to all of these books that we have within the Bible. It was the thing, it's Nicaea that caused all of
this. Not only does everybody have one book, but the Catholics have other books that are not in everybody else's Bible. And then you've got the Mormons who have the supposin a Book of Mormon Doctrine and Covenants, pearl of great price that are supposedly all these things. Well, my whole thing now that I've you know, been divorced and really been separated from a organized religion. I just have my faith. I believe all faiths are intertwined in some way Yeah.
You know, because I have I I love some of the things that Wicca this I love some of the things that the Buddhists do. And so I think it's all intertwined and my faith is personal. My I have I know Vanessa and I have talked about this. My objective when I pray is not okay, this is what I need done for me. It's okay, what do you need me to show other people? What is your plan for me and how should I respond to
other people? And the biggest takeaway I've gotten from that in my entire life, love people. love people. That's all you need to do. And it's everybody not that select because I guarantee you all the Bible studying I've done and I have never seen only love these people. Bob, love everybody. So I mean, I just It blows my mind that Christianity has gone. So as far as I'm concerned, far off the deep end. Yeah.
Well, a lot of it's been. I mean, let's face it. I mean, I'm a white person, but a lot of it is white washing. I mean, to be honest. Think about it. I mean, when you think about the Bible, in general, if you think about the Bible that slaves were given by their white owners, most of the Bible that was missing, they took it all out, they only gave them what they
wanted them to read. Right? So it's kind of like, you know, for me, I just feel like a lot of things are whitewashed to be what a particular light to be. Right? And I mean, maybe there's a little sis hit Washington there too.
I mean, who knows? Hey, really quick, though. V can we get shirts with but Liam said, trans. But now with improved packaging?
Remind me, because we do need to get some THP merch, so we need to make a discord channel with shit to put on merch. There you go. No. Because I don't remember that. I don't remember what I said two seconds ago.
Good thing you're recording it, though.
True, but I don't actually listen to the podcast until it's actually alive. I just when I edit it, I just take out the gaps. So
listen to it and take notes. And
that's a friend.
That's that's a true friend. Right?
It's a true friend. Thank you.
So it's funny, because it's like, Liam, as I hear you speak about it. Right? You know, it just like strikes me on. It's colonization. Right? So like, when when I went before LinkedIn, like shut me down, like, my thing was to colonize yourself, right? Because a lot of things stem from colonization, you know, of like taking what was the like, not even law of the land. It was like, the spirit like me. We're we're part of culture, right?
We're having leadership roles are helped the people or made decisions, large decisions and impacted people and colonization with their Christianity because they came up with the sword and the cross and proceeded time. Right. And a lot of the problems that we see today are, are stemming from colonization. You know, even like, when you look at slavery, it's like, there is the colonizer aspect to that right, taking people to farm this land that you stole from somebody else. And a farmer like
working like a prisoner. You know, and it just feels like everything points. Like for me, it's I know, this comes from like, maybe an indigenous perspective, but it's a colonizer that I just feel really strongly about sort of the cross together. And we're seeing it back right now. It's an AR 15 in across. Oh, yeah. So see, many people are not going to decolonize themselves. You know, I mean,
you have people like Ron DeSantis. He's the epitome of a colonizer who thinks that, you know, like, people benefited from slavery because they learn valuable skills. I mean, like, do, can we just, like, make you a slave for like, a year, and let's just see what you learn from that. Like,
oh, surprise, DeSantis doesn't use the term. I love this one for Ragnarok. But the prisoners with jobs, right? Like he doesn't replace slaves with prisoners.
Give it time he will, he will.
This just goes to show how small his brain is. Before the enslavement of these people, they had skills. They were working their land, they were learning how to survive African desert in the African jungles. You know, it's, it's mind blowing. And this is one of the things as I mean, obviously his thing yesterday about not teaching Shakespeare as an English teacher, I was livid, to say the least. But there is a reason in Germany. They teach
about the Holocaust. And we and I'm not talking me personally, but the collective idiots have this tendency to let's pick up the rug and shove all the bad shit that happened. Well, it was. And I'm like, if we don't stop that cycle, which how many cycles have we gone through
already? And it's never going to end and it's just it's a different set of people every time every time and right now, unfortunately, the way it's going, it is the LGBTQ Community and everybody else except the white that the whites are doing. You know, the idiotic things two, and four. And it's like, you're trying to rewrite history the wrong way. You learn from history and rewrite the future. So it doesn't repeat. And I'm like, Well, who is telling you
this shit? Because you're looking at this so bass ackwards. It's not even funny.
I mean, you know, what the saving grace is, to me is this, like, our daughter is a lesbian, she's in a relationship, very loving relationship. And, you know, we always told her the same thing, we don't care who you bring home. If they love you, I don't care if they're green. I mean, I don't care what they treat you, right? We love
you, I don't care. Um, but I think the saving grace that I, I tried to stand on and the reason why I continue to do what I do is the kids that are coming up now that are Monique, my daughter's age, they are going to make these changes that need to be made, they're going to get rid of these old cisgender heterosexual last men who are in positions of power, and they're going to turn this entire world around, they're gonna turn it on
his head. And I hope that I'm still here to see it when it happens.
Same I do to parents earlier, you were talking about colonization, and I've been researching my background, my, my dad's Puerto Rican, my mom's collusion, and trying to kind of figure out where I sit kind of genetically speaking in my heritage. And it's it's French, it's Dutch, it's English. It's Spanish, it. It's the you know, I mean, that was the base family there, which is Native American.
And it's just like, you know, looking at doing all this research, looking at how that happened, to how the takeover happened, how, you know, trying to find anything pre colonization about my, my heritage has been a nightmare, I can't find anything, there's like nothing there, I'd have to look literally go to the island and do a whole bunch of research because there's only small pockets of it. It's not even
widely available. But to that, you know, sword and the cross when, you know, they came over and they started colonizing. to kind of bring it back around. For me, it felt like my parents were doing the exact same thing. I mean, I don't know if that was the same for you, Liam, but when my parents were like, you're going to be straight, and you're
going to be very religious. And, and I, you know, growing up had that a version, a verbal version and emotional version of the sword and lacrosse or my parents were colonizing my thoughts and like, this is how you have to be. And I'm just like, No, sorry. You know, they, they'd never accept myself. They've met him once when he was born. They've never met him since like, they have no idea who he
is as a person. But knowing how they raised me is that sort of Macross kind of raising, it's like, I don't want that for my son. Like, I'd rather them shun me and me bear the difficulty of not having absolutely any family, and knowing what it feels like to be completely and utterly alone. Then have my son bear that like, no, no, no, absolutely not.
I think I was fortunate to a degree because, because my grandmother raised me, she even though she was she wasn't one of those people, surprisingly, that went to church, you know, she, she believed you have church, wherever you are, you worship you know, wherever you are, however you want. So I wasn't, you know, forced to be all involved in any particular
religion. And, you know, for I regret not ever being able to tell her about me, as you know, a trans person, but she had she developed Alzheimer's a long time ago, and I missed that chance, but I do, I feel very strongly the kind of person that she was and the ways that she loved and what she taught me to always be myself no matter what I feel like she would have definitely accepted me. So even though my parents were asshats you know, thankfully, I had a, an angel to raise me. So.
I mean, you were fortunate in that regard, for sure. I mean, I'm grateful that I rejected Christianity when I was 12. And then for the remainder of my adult lesson, years, I just pretended I'm going to Domina Ramona, who knocked over the dominoes. No, like that kind of stuff. So I didn't religious drag. You know, but I didn't mean any of it. Yeah, because I'm like, like, you. You are hypocrites. You're liars. You're thieves. And you come in here to hold hands and
sing songs. So I was a hardcore hardcore atheists at the age of 12 and 13. I moved over that I moved over to agnostic and then getting reconnected with my indigenous roots and meeting a tribal community in the, in the mid Atlantic and Delaware. helped me understand the religion and the ceremonies. Right. So like those ceremonies are why I'm here. Yeah. Right.
So like for me going through humbly show, right and sitting in the woods for three days when I was 25 degrees Fahrenheit, with two blankets, a pipe, a drum, bare root, and some, some connect, and just smoking and crying, right? After three days of starving and freezing in the woods. The Creator told me, right was, if you're going to live in this life, live as yourself, right. And then I also got my spirit animal, which is a
red tail hawk, right? So a vision kind of a far striker, someone who protects the people. So like Attabad, like, in a way spirituality helps, but and then she can cause her we don't have faith, we don't have sin. Right? We have rules and without consequences. So I like operating in that kind of state. But I think to be honest, I'm just gonna do a little real talk right now. So we're talking about shunning family, right. And just, I'm grateful that I don't have a relationship with
most of my family. Because I gotta be honest, like investing, you know, this from the last time we talked, right? It was like, I'm just struggling right now, with being so hated by so many. I couldn't imagine having it in my own DNA, right. Like, today, it was just like God, I mean, I probably going to do like, backed off a LinkedIn posting, because the algorithm and like that, it's just way too
crappy. But I might do a post on mental health, like, I'm just like, I'm grateful that I don't have a lot of these religious groups still in my life. Because I mean, with what I experienced in a robot as a monster, right, and just being hated by so many, it's starting to really wear on me, like a lot. And suicidal ideation has been my jam for about 40 years, right? I'm on and off. And just, like, I prefer the black void of nothingness with the rest of the demons, right, then to be here.
And it's tough, you know, and it's like, I just feel like, I'm just grateful, I don't have actual DNA in the game where they're like, I'm talking to them, because that would be the one step that would just, I don't know if I could swing them, right, because I mean, being a robot was hard enough with the Americans and discussing eight. You know, and just interesting things on the
news. And just knowing that, I mean, we are something to be hunted or not permitted to live, live or to exist or to thrive, you know, and it's, um, it's bringing me right, and I'm just kind of grateful that I don't have family that I have to deal with not like that. And I have family that supports me, you know, and my mom sees the supplement she's seen in person. And she works for me all the time. Are you safe? Are you doing that? So do this, don't do
this. You know, we walked into their hotel in Arizona, and 30 white dudes in there. And she's like, what is their problem? I'm like, they want to know if they can take me. They want, they want to see me gone. Like, wherever that will be. Right? Some of them want me dead. I'm like, it is me as you're walking with. And this is the focus the sole focus of their cake. And it is a heavy burden to bear sometimes, and I'm sure you all feel it in your own way. But it's like, grateful I don't have
the tools in my family. Because that would probably push me over the edge. And it's just been a struggle. I saw you bring it down. No downer on these on these podcasts. But it's like, I guess what it feels like?
It's like reality reality. Exactly. Sorry.
Oh, no, I was just saying, you know, this is just the reality of what it's like to live like this every day. I was reading somewhere on LinkedIn, and they were sourcing all the research that goes into being able to travel internationally. And I've had these conversations myself with my husband. He's like, uh, besides being a woman and being Spanish, you are also not straight. And that's a problem. So like, I can't travel
with some of my partners. And he's like, it's just not safe because if at any I have rainbows all over myself. You know, even in Florida, we don't. The Ocala National Forest, we went one time to this very beautiful springs and the ocassional Ocala National Forest. I have two girls. I have a tattoo on my thigh. That's by five by four. It's rather large. And it's just a close up of two girls being intimate. They're just like their foreheads are touching. It's a very loving
embrace. Their hair is braided and it's rainbow. Like it is I'm not even like secretly, man. I'm like very out there pan. And so even then we actually had to leave the springs because there were so many Let's just say locals who were giving me very dirty looks, and it felt unsafe. And so, and that's just me, that's just me being pan and having girls making out them. I thought, that's not even, that's not even being trans. And for me, I feel like that's like a whole nother step of difficult.
And it's just, it's insane. It's, we've got to cover travel one day, because you know, we've done this, we've done the route where it's like, it is not safe to go here. It's not safe to go here. You go here. This is a you know, LGBTQ own hotel. So it might be safe their area may not be safe.
So that's, that's the thing, though, right? Like, in a room, I went to an LGBTQ friendly hotel. And I dealt with substantial amount of hate from Americans, to the point where I actually asked the dude, don't sit me next to Americans. And the guy had to go into the description of what an American is like, Yo, sorry, Liam. But now it was like, got a speech impediment, like, they can't talk. Like that, you know, I mean, I don't know why I always go with the southern thing, you know.
From that's where a lot of us from Yeah.
I mean, I do deal with Bill Clinton. So one day, I have to do that. But it's like, you know, with with the southern thing, it's like, that's just the way I could relate to these guys. You'll hear this and be like, Oh, it's these people over here. I'm like, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that's right. Bars and bars. Yeah, those guys.
I mean, it's literally got to the point. Now, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine the other day. I and this is horrible to say. But I feel some sort of way. Now if I see somebody flying the United States flag, like it. Same sounds to me. Okay, this is better at flag flying in the other room? Are they racist? Are they transphobic? Are they a homophobic? And this is the first time in my entire life that I looked at my wife and said, I I'm not, I'm not celebrating July 4. I refuse to
that. I'm not going to celebrate a country that I feel like I'm a secular a second class citizen. Not
everybody's free.
Yeah, everybody should be free. And I just I can't for the life of me understand why people hate people just for being who they are. And the sad thing is, most of them can't explain to you why they do that. No,
no. And I and I think Vanessa has nailed it on the head when she says, what, what is that thing that you say about when they make that declaration? It's something that's hidden in there. They're they're suppressing something. Oh, good, Lord. You have you have slept, haven't you?
I have no fucking clue.
She's like, I have nothing.
Yeah, she's
the perfect look for that. Yeah.
It was like, Oh, my God, that is so anti trans. You have come back with a quip. And it's like, well, that's something that's in there. They're in their closet, or they haven't accepted something with that.
I do not remember saying that. It was like two whole
weeks ago. We don't
get it. But you know, you're gonna have to go listen to it. But I mean, it's when somebody it's akin to, when you point out somebody else's shortcomings. That's usually you have that shortcoming. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Projection project. Thank
you. I have my brain.
Here, Republican students
project. And then to tag off on what Taryn said earlier in the episode about empathy. How sad is it that when I was corporate training for the state, we had a class on empathy, and how and how empathy and sympathy are two totally different things. People can't empathize because they don't want to put themselves in your place. They're not going to sympathize because they don't believe what you're doing is
right. Whereas all you're trying to do is live in your authentic self as your authentic selves, and they can't get through that. So yes, empathy needs to be taught at a young age. Well, it's sad, but it's it's not going to be as long as we have
and we haven't adults now who are trying to learn what empathy is, just like you said, think about it. Most of the companies that we work for in America have to teach empathy because literally adults, most of them don't understand what it means. And, you know, it's like the whole thing with blind people saying, oh, you know, I'm not racist, I have a black friend. Okay. But do you actually hang out with this
person? Do they come to your house do you like, I mean, just because you said, you know, a black person, or you have a black friend is like saying, you know, trans person or you have a transplant, it doesn't mean you're not transphobic, it doesn't mean you're not racist.
People need to get out of their comfort zone and start getting to know people that are different than them that have different religions, different backgrounds, different ethnicities, and really get to know other people that are just, you know, 180 different than they are. And I think people would really learn what empathy is. Because people just don't know how to do that. They can't, they can't move on from what's what's normal to them, right. This is what I've always done.
This is the these are the people I've always hung around. This is all I'm going to do. If I see somebody different than me, they must be wrong, they must be horrible, they're gonna go to hell. And if people just can't get past that, and I don't understand it, the it's gotta be something with the societal norms and how people were raised. But you know, get over that shit.
Yeah, I would agree with Karen on that one, too. With regards to it's all self centric, huh? It's me. What I say goes not. Oh, let me see it from your viewpoint.
Well, just like Liam FET, right, like, we talked earlier about that being self centered, like focused on self so much. And there's a lot of that, especially social media helps empower that as well. But like, Liam, what you just said, I have, right? XYZ, whatever that's like brand transferring by friend. potential rent. Right? I have. That's where that self centering. Right there. Right. You don't have anything. So you know, it's exactly so it's like this.
Look at me. Look at me.
Yeah, right. Exactly. You know, and that's just like, whatever. Just can't tell.
Maybe we're just all different
guys, that. That's why we're called the chosen family. That's right. Choose you as my family and I'm gonna agree with Karen that's a lot better many times than
having to deal with assholes.
Blood does not make family.
Family has always been an F word for me. So yeah. Yeah, what's up
later once I get my forgive
we can ever meet in like person, like we cannot meet face to face and we're just I think worlds would collide, things would explode. It starts with
it'd be pretty it'd be it'd be pretty hot.
Yes, that's what we need to be at HP. Somewhere. See,
it's at this point. And who doesn't? Vanessa, I'm gonna fuck and THP hasn't gotten laid in two years. So
that would certainly. Bravo.
We need that on Bravo.
Quick pass.
No, Bill, the awkward pause. Sad story. I knew someone who is she she's by. And I'd known her for five or six years at this point. And she just came to me and she started complaining. And she's like, she was so upset because apparently, someone she had been talking to. She's like, I don't understand. I demand that they tell me that they're trans as soon as we meet, and, you know, I don't want that. And I'm just, you know, the I did the same thing.
I'm just like, what about me and my transgender son did you think would be okay for you to come? Hearing that translate my direction? Like I get that you feel the way you feel? Fine. yearby but you only do you know the biological genders is not even a thing. Okay? Because there's like hundreds of them.
assigned at birth. Yeah.
be assigned at birth thing. But Who the hell are you to think that you can tell a trans person that they have to share this insanely intimate part. As soon as they meet you and then that automatically disqualifies them. It's dangerous.
I've heard this. I've heard this so often,
it is the most bizarre thing and it is one of the reasons I don't identify as by I do identify as pan. Because listen, I have fallen in love with more trans people than I can probably count on my hands and toes. They are some of the most loving, beautiful people that you will ever meet. And V Liam Taran it is meeting a transgender person that just meeting their beautiful soul that made me realize that I wasn't why I was Pam because I was just like, I need to know this person. I need to know
their journey. I need to be around them. Like there's something intimately beautiful about them. They have their bad days, and I want to be there to pick that up. There's just something so beautiful about trans people that you start to meet them you learn about them, it will change your life in the most beautiful ways. The most always. Anyway, is sad story. But anyway, she got kicked to the curb because we don't we don't do that nonsense around here.
Okay, being single, I've been single for four years. My question to a person. It's not Are you trans? It's, do you have any sexual transmitted diseases? I don't care if you're trans. Oh, my God. Only if you have an STD.
People cannot cannot get out of someone's pants. That's the problem. They can't get out of the bedroom. They can't get out of what's what's in someone's pants. And it's not about that. I mean, yes, everybody. Well, not everybody, but a lot of people love sex, obviously, the physical part of sex. But it's not about that. It's about what's here. It's about the person as an individual. And that's that's also part of why people hate because they cannot get past the
sexual aspect of it. And, you know, it's one thing to say it's none of your business what goes on in my bedroom or what's in my pants, whatever. But it's, it's more than that. It's why is it the first thing that you think of? When you think about a gay person or a trans person? Why I don't think about you know, the fact that you have a dick because you're, you know, a cisgender heterosexual male I don't care. I don't I've never understood that. You just they can't get past that part. Yeah.
Really. But to tag off on Luna story about did you say that? Oh, Kala
Park Ocala National Forest.
National Forest. Why? Riddle me this? Okay, I know, I'm asked that type of question. I'm asking, why should anyone be singled out for a tattoo? Regardless of what it is when you've got these perverts looking at these little kids that are in a bathing suit, you know, to a two year old and a two piece bathing suit, and they they're, you know, there's creepers out there? What's why,
but then they blame that they call us trans people. Which
I don't think I have ever in my life met anybody on the rainbow that has a rumor.
And it's funny because if whenever anybody says that to me, like, oh, do your groomers, your pet, I'm like, Okay, well, then you show me the data to support that because I can show you a shit ton. Of course, that is mostly cisgender heterosexual white men that do it.
Yep. And just tell you, one of them that got their got a notification on their certification for teaching. Oh, yeah, that person is very lucky they didn't lose it.
Or get in trouble. I'm sorry, Caitlyn.
Oh, no, I was gonna say you know, just keep in mind that all the bathrooms in your house are all gender neutral.
I got into trouble with LinkedIn for comment. So the three comments that they played punish me for. And one of them was what I was getting savagely attacked in the middle of the night by right wingers on a poster are just saying to the trans community, like Be safe, be careful head on a swivel. Because the shooter was identified as I think non binary in Tennessee, and they went against Christians. So they were going to use that as like, you know, the Reichstag fire to burn
us all to the ground. So I did that. And right away, I was like, How dare you center your community over that choke and my poor cello? So I went off on one comment because I was like, feeling really fishy, which I'm at supervision and transmit was really, really good. I'm the transcendence for Trump, as well as retired from like, then she's on threads now. So, you know, when I came back and I was like, you went up looking groomer, look at The Republican Party in the Catholic Church, like, this
is an inappropriate comment. I'm like, really? Look at all the friggin posts of youth pastors, cops, teachers, all of them white guys, grooming children as young as two and four. I mean, the kind of evil that has the rapes a child that's like four years old. Should be, I noticed could be controversial, but should be executed. Like I mean, like I looked at some of the stuff as well. Like what
they're worried about. There's no rebuttals. Nation, yeah, thank you. For that period,
it's a brain that's gone,
where the problem, you know, where we are the problem.
Now, when I was in, I don't remember how old I was. But they had a San Antonio police officer do a rape awareness class. And I was little, and the guy stopped whatever video they were showing, and he starts talking and he goes, let me tell you something. He goes, I have been, he has I did, he did research. And according to the San Antonio records at the time, the youngest females assigned at birth was six weeks old. The oldest was 92. Disgusting. Absolutely. What What are all
these group, you know? groomers, what I mean, really, you want to talk rumors? You look at those people, and you see it. And it's like Liam said, and turns it, they're white sis, males.
Majority are.
So I'm going to do a little plug right now for my former intern from last year, an amazing girl. And she is working on a book, a child's book and trying to help her with some marketing. But I wanted to share this since we're talking about she is 16 years old, and she is working on a child's book to help children identify an adult that is attempting to groom them. So like she's hoping to get this self published in the next like six months. I looked at her and I was like, I am in
all of you. Right? Like I am 40 years older than you and I'm like that and I, I look at her and I'm just like you give me hope that maybe we can correct things, maybe that we can rise up and fight and it's not all for nothing, you know? And like, if it comes out, I would definitely share it with this
group. But it's like, totally people are stepping up and getting into this and, and addressing this and it's inspiring me and like I forget who said on the pod earlier, but it was, you know, this younger generation Gen Z and Gen alpha i have i have a lot of hope. You're pointing to the one side that nobody's at. Sorry. Okay, I thought it was weird.
Liam is actually below you
know, on my screen.
I was like, that's where you go with this. I was like, but no, I just I'm inspired by lead generation and I'm hoping that we can like it's not all for nothing right? And that this phase will end in Venice. I know you said like your the way you look at it as a steely eyed warrior, right? Is like it's gonna be a few more years, but it is looking hard.
Yeah, it's gonna be a shitty few more years.
That's all right. We're gonna watch them all the assholes, the Republicans we're gonna watch them all go down one by one.
Like rocket to Mars. With that.
I said in the meantime, we're just going to keep supporting trans creators. So Mercury star Das is doing her book tour. So I'm going I'm like, I don't rent but I want it.
Sorry. Mercury up again.
Are you going to look them up on the Google? For you girl?
Does that tell you
she's under tacky Tiki the clock app.
I'm not on anything like
the Chinese spy network because the Conservatives call? Yeah, that's right.
That's right. I like that better than Tik Tok. Talking to me.
We are so old.
Are you kidding me? I think I'm the oldest one here. But yeah.
I don't see it as old I see it as you know, we can look at things with humor.
Age lifeline one.
Yeah, that's true. I think you're the one of us. So it's easier to say that.
You know, I know people and I found out we're the same age. So we're the second oldest.
So my husband's actually 51. And so there's a sense and 10 year gap for us and he's like, you know, often using like the older person in this relationship.
It's It's the old soul. Not older person. It's the old soul. So
that's right. Yeah. Yeah, I'm turning 25 in two weeks. Okay, I doing something fun. I hope you join something fun. I don't know. I mean, I think I'm gonna go to the top of speech. Okay, do it. I don't know if I shared this with you all, but I think so when I did a self portrait of myself, like 30 years ago. Actually, no Federico, and I want to do one now. So I'm gonna go topless and at sunset on a California beach and just take this photograph and then paint it. So that'll be a self portrait.
Oh, that's awesome.
I love that. My dogs I'm doing that I'm looking forward to an early bird dinner again.
They promoted having rainbow rockers outside of their stores. I like to four of them in Central Florida. Not a single one.
There wasn't one by me either.
Skip the Cracker Barrel.
Cracker. Golden Corral. Record.
Wow, well.
Actually, when I did my DNA, I'm 98% of that. But I'm 2% Egyptian. So I'll take the Egyptians.
Always remember the Egyptian? That's right. All right.
Hungary was Roman and brownies. Something to eat.
Okay. Well, then, I guess for a second, I need to tell you something you haven't close out the show yet. Lisa and Luna. Oh,
I was just about to everyone's popping off guys.
Oh, it's all these fall. We're hungry.
Well, as always, it was a pleasure to speak to all of you. Thank you so much for taking the time to record this. And if you are interested in hearing more about our pod, you can follow the transcending humanity podcast, check out our website, click the subscribe button. We also have a patreon you can support us. We are all self funded by a bunch of volunteers who are really passionate about the topic, so any funding will
help. And I'd like to thank Lisa, Liam Taryn and the furniture joining us so when everyone, thank you.
Thanks everybody. See you soon.
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