Oh hi. Oh, welcome back to the transcending humanity Podcast. Today we are going to be returning to our series on trans joy. I'm Erica Vogel. Your Favorite Erica, I'm sure. And I'm here with Jess. Mel and Rylie. Do you guys mind introducing yourself? Sure.
I'll go first. So I'm just back on the podcast again. My pronouns are they them? And I already introduced myself last time. So we'll we'll just go along with that.
Okay, yes, my name is Mel I am the new NB on the block. And yeah. Are they them? And oh, let's see. I know a I know you Jess and Erica, and of course Vanessa from LinkedIn. We all have our shenanigans there and I have been doing well. I had been doing this I guess segment called non binary diaries, where I just talked about my experience and hopes that some people relate and but mostly I am also a life coach and a health and life coach and a certified EFT TFT practitioner.
So yeah, I do some fun stuff. So trans joy and resilience. I'm excited about talking about this today.
Awesome. We are so excited to have you join us on the podcast and I cannot wait to see what you do with us in the future. And I really I've told you this already. I really loved your your daily diary series. I was stalking Adana like did you post it yet today? Are they Oh my god, sorry. I just did it right there on camera. They did they posted today.
It happens. I do it to myself, sometimes.
I do it to myself. All the time. I was talking to my wife yesterday. And I referred to myself as he and I was like, All right, it happens and we just move on. We call it out and we move on. Right? All right, Rylie tell us about you.
Still 25 or 25? Man, I wish I was 25. Again. 29 year old trans mask man here. Yeah, I mean, that's probably about as exciting as it's gonna get right now. Hey,
yeah, that's, that's on my Hey, I wish I was 29. Again. Let's I would take that over. 25 Yes.
Honestly, I'm not gonna lie. I am. Mentally I think I'm already at 30 I only got a couple more months. So I'm not eager to be at 30. But like, my, my brains already there. Like when people ask me my age, I have to be like 20 Now, there's a slight pause.
I had to say having probably a few more decades than all of you under my belt. Because decade, birthdays are big ones, right? Whether you're dreading them or you're celebrating them. I always felt like a big things come up and you got to make these leaps forward. So from from my hindsight, I look back fondly on most of the decades. That's good.
I've got this one coming up this year to I'll be 40 later this year, so
yeah, that's a big one. Oh, that's exciting. Exciting. Yeah,
I just had my last big one. I am 51 this year. Oh, which is wild. Definitely, like, you look like 28 And I love that y'all said that about me.
No. That's such a good year. And you look amazing, but there is something to be said of surpassing or being right at those those major markers. Yeah, I just turned 39 Three weeks ago, and I'm excited to enter my 40s but I'm really I decided to make 39 one hell of a year and just really molded into it. You know, because I think a lot of for a lot of people the 30s are a huge just reckoning of a lot of unpacking and 40s too, and I mean, Erica, you are like like me I got my shit going on. I am
the shit. So that's cool, I guess. I'm just happy to like if I can just be a good bottle of bourbon like and just age roll well like that I'll be happy
on like, All right, well, let's start to jump into things tonight. So we're gonna talk about trans Jordan. First, I wanted to stop by pride. This is the transcending humanity first podcast and pride. Round of applause. High fives for everybody on this one. That's a big deal, right? Doing a podcast like this with all of us together during Pride. It's fantastic. And I can't help mention pride without first reminding people pride is a protest started as a riot.
Stonewall July June 28 1969. And while it's a fabulous party all month long, still a protest people show up and show out. Let's make sure all the different types of folks out there feel really uncomfortable this. That's right. Yes. So just want to touch on that real quickly. Does anybody have any exciting plans?
Sadly, no, not this year. With the predicament of my new job and no longer having a boss.
That's right.
And that means a lot so my weekends are occupied and
what a while that, hey, it's you out there being yourself. Rylie is still proud. Even if it's at a new job that doesn't have a boss.
Well, actually, no, I have a small thing that we're doing at work actually for pride related things. So we're all gonna get these Cincinnati pride shirts. And we're gonna do our thing in the office and just have a little bit we're actually have like a bulletin board up in our office as well for Pride Month. Some fun stuff. That's for you
in Cincinnati Rylie. And I just moved there, like seven months ago.
Hey, well, we gotta meet up.
Yes, so I'm about to be like, What side do you live on? Like it matters.
I drive all over Cincinnati anyway, so
anybody else got any anything worth mentioning for pride this year, other than just being our best selves and LinkedIn in this?
I've actually got a well this month. I'm, I'm going to apply to bed at the library. Yeah. My wife and kids came home from the library with a flyer and they were all stoked about it. See here. A lot of citizen pride is actually in the fault like all the events are in the fall. So we were actually trying to figure out what we could do
this summer. I mean, I know it's like city by city but where we are here it I think it actually happens in like September, October, and even I was looking at other cities and in North Carolina and and I only found one that was in June and I know like for us like it's always like, I'm from Atlanta, so like Atlanta, but yeah, I don't know when is when is DC pride
this weekend? Okay. Cool.
Good to know. Good to know. Maybe I can make it up there next year or something because I know that amazing.
Come stay with me, Jess. I am also an Atlanta girl. I didn't know that you weren't from Atlanta. But wow. I grew up in Midtown. Okay,
okay. I grew up. I grew up south of the city and close to the Renaissance Festival. Actually.
I forget what Pete That's like Peachtree City,
Peachtree City but I lived on the other side of the freeway Fairburn
their burn okay yes sir. Yes,
I actually yeah, like like used to go around the Renaissance Festival is a kid when it was when it was like all abandoned. I could kind of like could like break in there and not break in but I could get in and like walk around REITs
because they they leave like the buildings up all your buildings,
but it's like it's all like a set so it's like the front half of the building. You know, with like the side and then like nothing on the back except for like the two by fours. So it was like a really trippy, like goes townie kind of thing to like, Don't wander around as a kid but but yeah, I ended up staying. I ended up staying in Atlanta for college. I went to GSU which is downtown so I spent that time Oh, did you too? That is such a true answer. Baby girl. All right, that is so
awesome. That is hilarious. So I really got to know the city really, really well and live several different places and I I absolutely love Atlanta. I think it's just an awesome city. Love.
You're just gonna follow each other around Okay, Mel, anything in particular for Pride? Oh, yeah,
I mean, just just moving here late last year and wanting to know more about DC and where to go, it's definitely a great time to just zero am on all that the, you know, queer businesses? Yeah. And yeah, so there's one place that I've been frequently frequenting on the southeast side. And it's like a gay coffee shop. Bar. And last night, they had like wine gay with Craft Time upstairs. And I'm like, Oh, yes. Gay Craft Time. Craft Time at a coffee shop bar. So on
Wednesdays, so? Yeah, it's just enjoying that and checking it all out and really embracing. Is this is that, you know, or for us?
Well, I am not attending any of the pride festivals this year, I missed my local one here in Reston, North Virginia because I had just had surgery a few days before. And I'm still not recovered quite enough to be going downtown to DC to deal with, with dried at that level. So I'm going to be keeping it calm and home, checking in with my friends following them on instead, I do have quite a few speaking gigs lined up. So that's what I'm doing this year
for private. So I'm talking to people about who we are now. Okay. Alright, so now let's get down to trans joy. Right. So for our previous listeners, you'll know that trans joy is one of my favorite topics. And it's a favorite topic of the show, which is why we do it monthly, right. There's really nothing more than I love about talking about joy experiencing my own joy or hearing about Jess' or Mel's or Rylie or other people, I just I soak it up, I love it.
It gives me a lot of hope. It feels magical to me, it's like an elixir of life like you're in Zelda, you need to drink that health potion or whatever, you know. What else I'd say it's it's a proactive thing that we
have to work on, right? In our community, especially today, the way things are today, it's really easy to get sucked into the difficulty of living as trans or non binary, can be really hard not to get sucked into the politics that hates, which we all experience to varying degrees depending on what we do in our lives and how visible we are and things like that. And while we do have to stand up and show up and show
out and all of that. We need to recharge, enjoy finding joy, expressing joy is one of the best ways to do that. And personally, I gotta say, I cannot continuously consume all the anger and I are out there and push against it without recharging my batteries. And experiencing my own joy or talking to people about others is one of the best ways for me to do that. So, for today's episode, we're going to take a step by with each person and let them tell us about something
they're joyful about. So who would like to go first?
Again, going back to let's find all the, you know, career places to eat, drink, be crafty, right? And let's let's find all the businesses that have closed that feel very gender affirming. And let's find all the trans folks, especially non binary and cue the playlists, right? So just immersed for me immersing myself and all things non binary, especially since for me personally, it's been a newer journey. fully embracing it, and understanding what that is for
me and who I am. And, you know, this month is a perfect time to do that. So it's full immersion.
Fantastic. Do you have like a favorite book favorite piece of music or even like you said gender affirming clothes that really bring that outage?
So not not a queer business but just I guess because it's within walking distance for me, but h&m has a lot of clothes that for me feels affirming the cuts, I can go to different departments. It's all kind of there. I don't have to be I don't have to worry about you know any I'm getting weird looks or hate, I just move around the store. Look at everything and do my thing. In terms of music right now. I am loving everything that Janelle Monae is
their new album. Yeah. And it just feels really good to just clear that in my ears as I'm walking to wherever I need to go.
Yes, that new album is amazing.
It's like, Yeah, right here. Good.
Okay, what about Jess? You want to go?
Sure. Yeah. So my, I mean, I want to go committed to like doing a weekly post just for myself. And, and that's been and I really did that, because I felt like I needed it. Like, I mean, it's so good to do. And I wanted it, obviously. But it also was like my way of being like, I'm making a commitment to fighting back against all this negativity, just myself in my own way to just take a few moments every week to like, recognize something that brings me joy, and is like in the
category of trans joy. But my my specific thing that I'll like I'll bring to this conversation, because I actually won't post about this on LinkedIn is like, one of the huge things that has just been really, really big for me in just the last few months, because I just had top surgery in December is like, being able to be shirtless, you know, and
like, feeling, feeling. I don't, I'm not like up to the point where I'm, like, confident about that in public or something, you know, but like, just feeling like I can do that and not having to, I mean, and I did it before, but like, before, I would have to be in like a really private place. But like just feeling more like, hey, like, I'm in my backyard, you know, like, whatever. Or like, I'm on my deck and like, I'm
hot. So I'm actually just gonna take my shirt off for a minute, because, you know, I can and like, even, you know, even though I guess I could have before too, it's like, kind of that same thing, but, and it's happy. I mean, it's helped me think a lot about for me, that is a joy that like I experienced as a kid growing up in Atlanta, where it's really frickin hot, you know, and then, and then at some point was told that I couldn't do that anymore.
You know, and, and that kind of began a lot of dysphoria that I didn't even recognize or have that kind of word for at that time, of course, but but just like really kind of just feeling really, like, yeah, just feeling really confident in my body. And, and just being able to, like, take up space in that way, has been really huge for me, and I haven't, since my top surgery, I haven't like been to the beach yet. But I am going later this year, and I'm going to very much
enjoy that. And I had a I was able to go to a like trans slim event locally, and you know, was able to just be there shirtless, and just, like, just enjoy myself, as you know, like in my body and feeling like really comfortable. So yeah, that's, that's been really huge for me, and for those reasons, is just not something that I'm going to be comfortable.
I am so happy for you on that. First of all, I went to the beach to kind of two weeks, two months ago, it feels like forever already, and went to the beach last summer as well. But it didn't feel like this one. And I've always been I don't, when I used to go to the beach as a guy I didn't like not having a shirt on just even though that was fit, and all that and I also like burn instantly in the sun. So there's a practical aspect of that, right? But just never liked
having my shirts. Not having a shirt on and going to the beach this summer and Mexico and wearing a bikini felt like the best fucking thing in the world. And I was I was nervous about it. But within five minutes, I was like, Oh, this is great. So I get that from the other side.
I was gonna say that's how it was the first time I went to the beach after top surgery. I mean, I was definitely like paranoid that people were looking but like at the same time I was like, You know what, I'm here to have a good time. I don't give a crap if they are looking or whatever. I'm just I'm here to enjoy the beach.
Yeah, yeah, it was like an island and I do love the beach like I groups in Florida, a certain amount of spending a lot of time at the beach, and I enjoy the beach, but there was always something wrong. And I finally figured out what it was. Okay, what about you, Rylie? Um, well, I
mean, obviously getting to have a new job where I'm also kind of like, testing the waters with being openly trans at work has kind of been. You know, it's, it's still kind of in the process, but like, you know, I'm, I am pretty open on my LinkedIn, and I'm starting to add my co workers on
LinkedIn. So it's gonna become a conversation at some point, I'm not going to be like, in your face, like, Hey, by the way, I'm trans, just out of nowhere, but, you know, like, it is kind of nice knowing that, even before that, I started adding all my co workers on LinkedIn, that they were like, Hey, we're going to be celebrating Pride Month. I was like, okay, you know, like, you're, we're doing that, because, I mean, I work at a museum. So like, you know, it's
not, yeah. So it's not like anything like, crazy, like, out in the Super public, because, you know, people have to come to us, but like, you know, like, it is, it is pretty public facing though. So, like, the fact that they are very supportive of those sorts of things up front, like, hey, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna be supporting this throughout the month, regardless of you're comfortable with it or not. So, you know, that sort of thing was kind of nice to come
into right off the back. You know. And then on top of that, you know, I shared in the discord group also about, you know, Elliott pages new book coming out, and I'm actually really excited about that it arrived today, and I already am like, three or four chapters in. I got home and I was like, Nope, that's what I'm doing with my evening until until this started. So and then, so far, it's honestly really, really good. So I really recommend it.
But yeah, those sorts of small little, little things are kind of bring me trans during this month. Also. I actually, so I know. We've talked about me, like shaving my head before. But this was actually the first time I actually took like a razor to my head. And yeah, two days ago. Yeah. It is already sandpaper again, though. But the satisfaction of actually, like not just buzzing it and actually shaving it for the first time was it was a it was a moment of euphoria, but also like, Oh,
God, why? There's no going back now.
Well, I bought that for you. It looks I know, I can't see the sandpaper, but that looks sharp, dude.
Hey, well, I appreciate it. I mean, it's hard to tell anyway, just because it's spinning so much. But you know, that's why I was like, you know, let me just go ahead and shave it.
If that's something that you if that's the look that you decide down the road that hey, I want to keep this. I have a friend who's been in the process of laser hair removing, like, I want to scalp and I mean, it's pain, there's
no shaming, it's a thing.
Yeah, it's a thing. And you won't have to worry about shaving, but it is kind of weird until the process is finally complete. Like he just randomly sweats on his head. Just for fun. So there's like care.
Yeah, that's also dude. Just kind of dude stuff.
Yeah, that.
But it's more so because of the laser treatment. The
laser? Yeah. Never. I never thought of that. That's such a good tip for all of our bald guys out there that don't want to go through the daily maintenance
are gonna say honestly, I never would have thought of that. Yeah,
I wouldn't have either. Okay, so for me, a couple of things. So for all of our trans fans out there, but know what this is. I don't know how well you guys know, but I just had my orchiectomy last week. So no more testicles are being no longer being poisoned by this system. Which is great, but is quite a recovery. But other than that Friday night, I got to go see the Queen Billy Porter in concert in DC who I've adored. I knew about him before he was on post but really loved him and
post. I've thought kinky, but it's not not his version. But I went back and like watched his version and so getting to go to what was effectively queer church was just awesome. It was a relatively intimate theater. And he comes into the crowd. So like I at one point, I have a picture. I was like, a foot from him, which was amazing. Oh,
look, here's Vanessa. So I just thoroughly enjoyed that event, where he said In songs from his new album, The Black Mona Lisa, which comes out in a few months and thing, a song, Kinky Boots and a couple of other things like that. And it's just an amazing night where he expected people to call and response to him, he even had a walk off where he got eight people up from the crowd to come up on stage and walk it off against each other post style.
That's fantastic. You can
you can see some of the you can see this on his on his Instagram. So for me, I just that was just such a great night of queer love and seeing so much of the community there, and particularly the black sectors of our community as well. Right? So because of DC that it's pretty much a bastion of whiteness, right? So it's really nice to be arm and arm with some of our with some of our other members. So that's me, hey, Vanessa, we're just talking about our own personal change
story and experience. I know that I'm putting you on the spot. Everything you wanna talk about.
Personal what sorry?
trans Joy experience. Recently,
trans joy for me. It's definitely clothes shopping, even though I don't have much budget to do it. But just going I just go to Goodwill. And it's because I had just been like wearing the wrong clothes my whole life like I was. I just wear like a T shirt and baggy cargo shorts all the time. Somehow I still got laid. I don't know how but awesome. It was. Yeah, I was I was one of those. At work. I just had these, I did get nice shirts for work, because they lasted
forever. But now that I can actually dress the way that I want. I found a big passion in dresses. I love wedding dresses. They're so comfortable. I don't know how they ever fell out of men's fashion, because they're the best. And I don't know, it's always affirming for me because I go out and address and I get complimented on them a lot. And that brings tons of joy to me just to be able to wear comfortable clothes. Where would I want to present how I went? And yeah, that brings joy to me.
I hope that answered your question.
It did totally. And I have to say, as a fellow transform, I love your dress. I'm more of a jeans gal day in and day out from going out and getting dressed up. And I'd always heard women like pi k dresses. And I'm like, I don't know why they're amazing. They're the best that they're not for everybody.
I think my partner's complaint is having to shave her legs.
Yeah, I am fortunate in that I am Irish and German, like northern German. So like my hair is like white and blonde. So even if I don't shave my legs for a week, no one can see
there could definitely be worse things. I plate my legs. I shave my legs. I eventually just after I get an actual job that pays me money, which I'm going to start getting my legs lasered, so I just don't have to worry about that anymore.
It's nice. Hey, Vanessa, you missed this Mel just gave Rylie an excellent tip that if he does not want to shave his head, I think apparently for guys who are bald is to get your head laser so you don't have to do all the maintenance. That's
a really good idea. While you're young before you start getting gray hair because yeah, please don't touch the gray. So shit done. My my love.
Yes. Hi. For all of you out there. Get your laser done when your hair is not gray, because that shit don't get lasered. That's all that I have left on my face for my beard is gray hair so I'm
not be as lucky then because I'm already a little salty peppery.
Well a little a little is not that big a deal. But if it's like if you start just for anybody out there you're thinking about laser you got like white hairs coming in know that those are not going to get taken care of laser
cool did not know that was the thing that laser wouldn't take care of. So
laser works great on blonde, red, brown, and dark especially darker.
Because they don't really work on blonde or red.
It didn't Well, it depends on has a pigment that does work a little bit. But most effective on brown and black and black hair. Yeah. So but gray hair whatsoever. No.
Anything Gray, even really light you have to get done with electrolysis, which Yeah, that's a whole other episode.
Sidenote, sidenote, this is totally like down a rabbit hole. But I just heard the scientists have found a way to stop people's hair from growing that does not require hair dye. It's like changing the chemicals in your system. So if only they had arrived a few years sooner, I could have done laser on my whole fast. So that's that's the thing that's coming
Okay, much information. Yes.
Hey, you know, a lot of us have all kinds of weird, esoteric medical information that we have gained and it just keeps pouring out of us when something comes up.
I had my another slicer today. So yeah, I hope you're doing okay. It was fine. But yeah, that's, that's like the whole laser and electrolysis thing you have to go back and forth. So
yeah, Satan's electrolysis Okay, so before we go on to our next segments, takeaway, we always talk about trans join and love all of your examples, was also like to touch on kind of maintaining that trans joy as a practice, like, Are there tips that you can give? Are there things that you do that when you know, who needed a shot of that trans joy, Julian in your arm, that helping you get there,
you can think, for me, it's connecting with my body. Just when you were talking earlier about how when you were a kid, and you wanted to take your shirt off, and you were told that you couldn't, and you didn't understand why I felt that big time because I, I was the kid that would take their shirt off and climb trees. And, and I was like, Yeah, this, this
is what you do. And, and so just having this mind body connection, and just really connecting with my body, how it is in real time, real motion. And you know, just observing, just again, in real time, it just, it just helps a lot of observation, and not pushing so much. But just like wow, look at my body, it can do so many things. struck again, for me, being a non binary person stripping away the the gender elements. And at the same time feeling those masculine and feminine energies. I just feel
at all within myself. And I'm like, this is this is all me this is this is all NV energy. You know,
I love that I am an off and on yoga practitioner. And that that was one of my favorite things to do, especially going through tons of dysphoria, you know, just a few years back. And like you said, it's like you do that deep breathing, you turn inside, you kind of let go. When you do that exploration of like, oh, this pills feels particularly gendered. Right? You're just sort of being in space. And so that's definitely something I would recommend people give a go.
Like, the other day, I just decided to go for a run. I don't run, but it felt amazing. And I caught a glimpse of myself on a voting you know, window running and I'm like, Oh, look at me, you know, I feel my arms are nice and and masculine even though I believe I feel like that masculine yet gender fluid energy, but oh my goodness, I have a nice, but my buddy. You know, so just really connecting all of that. Yeah.
That's awesome. Anybody else? You Okay, Vanessa?
It's yeah.
Okay. Anybody else?
Yeah. Okay, so, I'm working on like, self care in general in the last few years. And so, I mean, I have a few go twos. But I think one of the things that I do is, and I kind of mentioned this in the last episode that I was a climber. So like, if I needed, like, going to the gym and you know, putting my phone away for a while and and just like swing around, like a monkey at the gym, like and doing that is you know, I do it more for I mean, it feels really
good physically. I also know that it's, you know, kicking around some very happy brain chemicals. But it just, you know, for me, it was a very good you know, it's like it's like a winning cycle of like, I want to climb up this thing and then I climb up with thing you know, it's immediate can just be very simple, but just and a way for me to like, get in my body and also like, get some energy out.
That can feel really good. And then and then another one of my Favorite go twos is like, you know, if I, if I'm if I'm like, I'm like really upset and really needed some joy, I'll go for a walk in the woods and I've just like, I've done that since I was a kid, like going for a walk in the woods alone, you know, and that's just a big, like, just the grounding kind of nature of, of, you know, being outside and, and being away from all the stimulation of our current world
and all of all of the screens and noise and everything is is just another way to kind of just for me to just reconnect and center myself and you know, take some deep breaths and get feel grounded in and get back to that place of, of feeling joy.
Yeah, I love that I am a hugger tree type person. Even though we live in a big city, I do have lots of trees outside my house. And if there is a body of water, I am going to find it within front of it and just be quiet. That's a that's a big thing for me. But I love what you're talking about being physical exercise. I'm I'm a swimmer. Right so there's, there's nothing like diving in the pool and just cut through that water and being on a mile and just like getting as good
chemical scaling. Right? Because I basically just feel like a dolphin and like I'm not even human. So what is gender? In the water? So that's great. What about your Rylie?
Um, what am I gonna choose, I guess, is kind of like, it's not like necessarily like a gender related thing. But like, just going bowling for me actually is kind of one of the things that I like doing just to kind of it's a go to, to like make me feel a little better. Because I mean, let's get real just especially if you've had a rough day, and you just are like getting to just throw this heavy ass ball down a lane and just be like so just, it's what you
need. And sometimes it's nice to just go hang out and just throw a few balls down Lane anyway and just have a good time.
Yeah, totally love that. I love I love a good chance to bowl or for me I'm I'm a cornhole champion, actually. So sorry. Sorry to keep dropping knowledge on you guys. But yeah, I just I love that like just to complete the aggression. So much fun. But you but that said you got any favorite ways to get hit joy
to get ahead of joy? Honestly, just where she... hey you wake up. She's not waking up, but this little flicker right here. So yeah, she personally. Yeah, just if I just need a little little hit of joy. Like I just like, lay in the bed and just ask her to come cuddle. And sometimes she does sometimes she doesn't. But when she does, it's just like ah, you know, puppy love. It goes a long way really? Because I don't like to exercise. And I don't like to exercise and everyone else likes
to exercise. So yeah, that would be my dad and going lately going to get slushies at Taco Bell for some reason, but that's probably just an artistic craving or something so
Okay, so questions Taco Bell has lashes. Yes, they
do. They have to simply raspberry one which is quite good. Again. Right now they're doing a berry watermelon lemonade, which is very good. So I've been going to spend lately and getting one to the point where they know me. And probably half the time I don't even have to pay because I treat them like human beings so I don't even play
that's based in Taco Bell. We're looking for a sponsorship. Yeah. I will drink one of your slashes on air that's amazing. I love Starbucks for the same reason. There is just I don't go every day because it would be so bad. But I would go every day if I did not have some kind of self control.
But just doing that sometimes to
just get in that caramel macchiato. Like two days a week upside down. No oat milk for me. But nonfat milk but yes, upside down. Yeah, right. If you guys order a caramel macchiato and you spin that thing around and shake it up in front of them they get mad because they work hard to keep things separate. So if you ask for upside down it's all mixed together.
Upside down just means mixed together
means you're gonna have the milk on the bottom the the latte on top.
It's much better to be driving.
Yeah, because you don't get just bitter coffee and then really sweet milk.
Yeah, you get it all together. But yeah, I'm
the same way like I answer us.
Yeah, they are monsters. It's like oh, sponsor us. Oh, well, she will sponsor us even though your monster it's your bathroom go to sell trans people have to like you. So
that is true. I think He came up on an earlier episode, did I? When I travel in the car, I'm like, where are the Starbucks on the route? Because I know I don't have to worry.
That is very important.
Navigate by Starbucks. Yep. Okay. All right. So let's, let's take a little turn to joy as resistance, right joy in this form is an affirmation of life. And shout into the world. This is who I am. This is who the world needs to see, deal with and accept. It plays an immeasurable role in our activism, as it's the fuel that keeps us going, particularly when the righteous fires are burning a bit low as time wears on about you guys, I said this earlier, but I got
recharged. In the end, seeing people being joyful, into the RV can something the other side struggles to find a way to fight, because most people really can't get behind squashing someone else's joy, they can stay pissed off about it for a while, but they really can't for that long. So it's an important thing to show off outside of our community. Right, it is a productive force of
change. And actually, it's one of the first things that dictators, very controlling movements seek to squash first, because they know if people have hope, and they usually have hope within joy. They'll fight back. And without that, they won't. So this is why joy as resistance is super important. For me. I just pretty much go where I damn well, please. Right Now granted, I live in an area of country that's very friendly to trans people. And when I'm not in that area of the country, I feel a
little nervous. But I also don't mind showing up in public. And I don't limit who I am, I engage with people I make eye contact, I will happily tell them who I am. As I've said before, like I don't pass as as female or male path as a transgender person. That's what I look like. That's what I am. And I will just wear that wherever I go. And as you all can see, I have very up energy, I engage with people one to one, and I just refuse to limit myself in public. Because
frankly, it's contagious. And people need to see that someone like me, is thriving, joyful, and having a good time instead of being ashamed. Because I refuse to be ashamed.
I can definitely follow up with a follow up on that and agree with that I kind of do the same thing. I live in a very red area like I did I get people like I've had people stop their cars and slowly dried by will just staring at me. So yeah, I'm a novelty. But I also use that to the advantage of our community now, by like when I'm out and about I like to treat people well. Like, I'm not just saying like tip your server I do tip well, but just treat people
like humans. And that as I said just a little bit ago, I get a lot of free drinks at Taco Bell, because actually talks to them, actually. They are just people and I talked to them like people they're used to waiting on the hoity toity is that live around here. And so I try to give people a positive impression of trans people. So hey, we're not groomers, we're not pedophiles. We're just people trying to live our lives. So And yes, I look into stress, thank you, I'll
compliment other people. And you know that this way and the other and I found, that's my way of using joy as resistance. That and you know, just shoving in people's faces online. But that's another story. So yes,
there is the very likely factor. I think all of us here are aware of it. Most of the time, when we're out in public, and we're interacting with people we are the first trans person they are seeing in real life. Right? Most likely, even here for me where I am in DC, I am frequently the first trans person that they're getting to interact with. And sometimes that feels like a heavyweight. But for me a lot of times I'm like, I'm gonna show you who we are. And that can be really powerful.
And that for me, I a lot of people that I talked to, and a lot of people I know they don't know, what a non binary person is. And when you say the word trans, and when I say I am a trans non binary person, they instantly look down at my pants as if there's something in there
other than your bots.
Excuse you, you know, like don't look there. Um, but that is their perception. And so just talking about it. And, you know, lately I've been making posts out. So the non binary diaries I'm not doing but I am kind of just so doing little posts such as, hey, I wore my day them pen. And I'm happy to report no one got hurt, you know, no one was hurt. I didn't convert anybody. Everyone's children. You know, they're all see, everyone's
buying. And, you know, seeing what today I, you know, went to my favorite game coffee shop bar yesterday last night, and happy to report that when my friend that I was with, helped take pictures for some people outside the bar. Nobody. Nobody turned gay. Nobody turned queer. Everyone was fine. We all live their lives. And that's important to keep into perspective, because the narrative is that our very existence is violence and
harmful and contagious. Yeah. And that's what a lot of, I guess political figures are saying about us, but it's really about them. And it's frustrating. So instead of getting frustrated, I just, it brings me joy to spout backs, and say I wore my gay pride shoes today. And my, my roommates, it's in turn my roommates. Gay. They're fine. Everyone's fine.
No one was queered by you being around.
No, but Right. But they had a good, snazzy, so it's okay.
Yeah, I love that I saw your post and was like, Oh, that's so true. Like, we're not contagious. Like, you start thinking you're queer around us, then maybe that's you need to do some investigation instead of instead of thinking we breathed on you.
Yeah, that's called queer before? Yeah. It's actually representation at that point.
Yeah. Yes. Which is so important. Yes. Right. And that's why I show up and do the things that I do because and I've heard this so many times, people say, I feel so comfortable admitting who I am as trans or gay or lesbian or queer, because you just own it. And I'm like, well, that's really, that's really flattering. And so I gotta keep this act up. And it's not an act, but you know what I mean, right? Yeah, presentation is a huge deal. It really is, it really is.
I do want to add real quick that, me wearing my pin, especially during this month, it is about the representation because, um, you know, one time wearing my pan, I was around a young trans woman who just graduated from high school that night. And I was so ecstatic for her because she graduated from high school. And in addition to it being hard to graduate from high school, in general, sometimes High School is rough. She did at being exactly who she is. And that is pretty amazing.
And she saw my pan and, and it was like, you know, those moments of like, hey, fam, I see you congratulations. And if we can all just be that representation for each other just even a little bit. It's like, hopefully, it just helps other people and it just helps us and we just all feel stronger, stronger together instead of constantly defeated and feeling alone. Because we're not even though sometimes it may feel like it
kind of reminds you know, It Gets Better project because like, I remember that was really big, at least like when I was in high school and just that, you know, all the the hate that was still coming towards the LGBT community at that point well over a decade ago, and just that the videos that were coming out of adults being like, hey, like, I remember being in your shoes and I I made it through. And if you just hold out that little bit longer, it'll help. Like, it makes a difference.
I yeah, I gotta say, I remember those to rally and I was like it does. It does get better, it seems so scary, it seems impossible. That doesn't mean there's not rough times, I get so much
better. Definitely,
I can, I can throw a couple points on this. Transformers resistance. So the first one is just so before I had my top surgery, I told my parents about it. Because, you know, I just wanted them to know its major thing. And I knew that there was going to be some I don't know what to say, like, pushback or whatever, maybe that's not the best word. But I knew there were gonna be questions and resistance. And, you know, that was just, I knew
I knew that going into it. And before I talked to them, I was talking to a neighbor, who I'm really close with, it's really awesome. And she was just like, congratulating me on, you know, taking the step of, of doing the surgery and, and said, and gave me this idea of how it wants you, she was just talking to me about how proud she was of me as a person or whatever, which was very nice. But like, it really gave me an idea of how to frame it with my parents, that was actually a really hard way to
work. So what I said was, you know, I said, Hey, I'm like, What do you know, I'm having? And I got it, you know, right. You know, and, I mean, that was like, the, the initial response. And, and I just said, well this is what I want to do to feel more comfortable in my body. And this is why I feel like taking this step is going to have me feel it's hard to argue with that. Like, it's hard to be like, No, you know, to that, like, it's, it's like kind of puts it it's like no, don't be
comfortable in your body. You know, like, no, don't love yourself, you know, it's like when you frame it that way, which of course there's you know, hundreds of ways that could have been framed. It's just, you know, hard to resist it, it. Erica, when you were talking about, you know, having that pushback from you know, more conservative people of, of, you know, when people really see people experiencing joy, and it it kind of becomes hard to argue
with that. And so that was that was really big and, and just ended up being a good way for me to make that communication in a way that was really kind of
empowering. And I'm positive and, and then you know, like just pieces like one kind of one of my gurus or North Stars for trans joy is the Loke and, you know, one of their quotes that I mean there's there's so amazingly well spoken that I love pretty much everything they say or at least what gets quoted on but, but one of my favorite quotes from them is you get to have fun now and you get to be free now. And now it gets to be
forever. And and to me it was like a lot of you know I've been gender non conforming for a really long time but me have really stepping into being trans and owning that and and loving that part of myself has been a lot of just kind of like hey, this is my life like if I you know go to the end of my life and then I regret what I've done or you know something like that kind of do the rocking chair test or whatever it's like this is it like this is my chance to be what to be joyful and to be
me so like why not do it?
I I love that I think I it took me a while to hit on that personally as well just like when I always think all of my coming out to so many fucking people. I think my story over time certainly revolve around I'm just so tired of being unhappy in who I am and my party and I just want to be happy and and now whenever someone's like, but don't you aren't you worried you're going to regret it and like regret being happy. Please tell me someone who's regretting
being happy. And I think that point you bring up is such a great way for people to frame this as it comes up for them as if you have coming out to do if you have a surgery coming up if you know you have to tell someone that's going to frame it in terms of how joyful and happy and comfortable it will make you and yourself that's really hard for people to argue with. And it kind of cuts off that but once you read it, which is the silliest thing I've ever heard,
okay, got it. Anybody else with their own tips about God as resistance? You got one coming, Vanessa are sad move on.
No I'm just trying to break up the awkward
small story I could share. Yeah, go ahead. So when I was in college, still working retail at that point I had it was it was kind of like a mutually like, it was a joyous moment, but it was also very infuriating. But it's so it was joyous because it was my anniversary, it was like my being on testosterone. And I just happened to have to work on that day. So I was like, okay, you know, whatever. So it was, it was nice in that perspective, I think it was like my third or
fourth tee anniversary. And so, you know, I'm on cashier, and I have this lady who just comes up to me, and she's just all sorts of upset, because there was some, some man in the women's dressing room trying on dresses. And like, I shut that shit down so fast. And like in that moment, like it was just, it was so spat satisfying to shut her down. But I was also sitting there like, so upset because I was like, this woman is literally complaining about a trans person to a trans person.
And she has no idea she's. And it was just like, in that moment, but like, I shut her down. I was like, ma'am, our company policy is that they're allowed to be in there. And they're allowed to try those clothes on. And she was like, but but and I was like, ma'am, I really don't care. Our policy is this. I love you. Right. And quite frankly, I didn't actually know if that was the policy. But it's not. You chose the wrong person to complain to. Yeah,
and also like, honestly, like, really? Really? You're not in that dressing room with them. What is your deal? Why are you looking at? Yeah,
very good point. Why are they Why are you looking? You know, because they're projecting?
And of course, Oh, yes.
I love that. I really I call it my trans aversary When, when February 11 rolls around every year,
I usually call it my man anniversary, but like, then I'd be a little weird for some people, but like, because I know not every person who takes testosterone is going to identify as a man in any sort of ways, you know, like just as non binary. So like for him no taking for them taking testosterone doesn't necessarily mean hey, it's my man. aversary. So
whatever you want to know. Yeah, because it's an individual thing. I call it my tree anniversary. So yeah.
I was just gonna say, well, it's your may anniversary, you you call it what you want.
And finally, being on not being on HRT does not mean you don't get to celebrate your own anniversaries as a trans binary person. Absolutely. Medical. The medical path is not required to be trans non binary. Enough. Exactly. Period, you celebrate you the way you need to. Yeah, my job. Okay.
I'm like What is now doing?
Now, we're not done. I got one more for you. Okay, let me wind up to our last little topic here. Okay. So it's always worth talking about resilience. I talked about this a lot. When we talk about joy, right? As trans and non binary people, especially in this climate, we are always dealing with a lot personally with our own journey, our own family, our own friends, our own work, and what's happening locally at the state level, at a national level, the
global level, right? And having resilience as a trans or non binary person is kind of a requirement. At this point. You've got to get back up on that horse. You've got to get yourself up and going again, for a variety of reasons, not only your own personal demons you might be working through but because the process is full of
red tape full of gatekeepers. So I always think it's a good time to talk about resiliency when we talk about joy because joy is one of those things that we that that helps recharge that resiliency meter is anything you want. Wow words. This interview, I want to talk about how you approach resiliency and how you kind of cultivate that in yourself and dust yourself off.
I mean, being as being a life coach, I have to practice what I preach, right? Every single day, I can't take myself off the hook, I just gotta, I just gotta keep at it. And one way one, one thing that I focus on a lot for me and for my clients is a shame. And especially for the trans community, there's so much shame. And it's internalized perceptions from other people, it's not even ours, and, but we take it on, it becomes a part of us, and until we work through it, and then, and then we let it
go. But for me, I'm really evolving in my journey as a non binary person. I'm just looking at the shame, letting it go. Sometimes I'm not able to let go because I'm human. And it shows up in ways and sometimes I lose my shit, and they give myself grace. And I give myself forgiveness. And I forgive myself for holding on to what doesn't belong to me at all. But I make it a practice because I
owe it to myself. And having that time to dedicate to myself is the biggest act of defiance and resilience that I can do for me that nobody can take away from me. So
I love that 1000 million percent Mel, I have very a life coach, that is very similar mindset, like, yeah, Seamus shows up, I refuse to engage with shame. Something happened, I'm gonna look it straight in the face, figure out how to work through it, and we're gonna move on with life, I will not let shame take me down the way it used to. And you're right, it's a practice doesn't mean it won't show up. And it's not bad if it shows up. But you can't stay there. You can't let it own you.
And having that perspective of, I have got to get through this I've got to take care of myself is a huge factor, and resiliency,
especially because we're taught that, you know, inherently, we are bad. And to survive, we have to assimilate. And there's this separation of of assimilation and being ourselves and, um, and so it's very jarring to be like, Oh, I'm not, I'm good. I'm okay. I'm, there's nothing wrong with me. Like, there's, there's nothing wrong with me. And that that's what we all like, deserve to feel. And it's essential, because there's nothing wrong with us.
Yeah, boy, y'all. I know, we had a mic drop moment, a couple of mid scope. That's another one. There is nothing wrong with you. Take that shit in.
That's a really good one. It's, it's been powerful for me to like, just be kind of repeating. Like, there's nothing wrong with being trans. You know, like, the only thing that is wrong about being trans is that society thinks that it's wrong to be trans. That's it. There's nothing inherent like there's just there's nothing wrong with being trans it is a perfectly valid and right way to be an exist in the world. And like, I don't know, for me, like, I I had a lot of resistance to that label for a
long time. And like, finally did some real big digging into what what the hell that was about, you know, like, how, how have I been gender nonconforming for like two decades and like, way up in the queer community and like, way over and had transference and non resistance to like, owning that myself and like, and a lot of that was like what you talked about now, like a lot of that was that like,
internal? That was like the big bad No, no, you know, and, and just like, being able to let go of that and, and just be like, You know what, that was something that I was told that I believed a really long time ago, and that shit just doesn't serve me and like, I'm just not I'm just gonna drop that like a hot potato. Just gonna get the fuck out it's been like that wait,
like lifted. As soon as I'm like, that step, I was just like, whoa, like, what just happened, you know, like to like my brain, like I was just, it was like, oh, all of this like space available to like, just be myself even though I've like always felt like I've been that way but like that holding on to that piece, you know, and I don't know, like for me it's I've like ever since I was a kid, I've had this like, like am I of course when I was a kid and
have the word for it. But I've always I've had these different points in my life where I've gone through these different phases of really contemplating mi trans or what, or whatnot, like many times over and over and over. And then this finally, this last time around, I was like, I'm really going to take some time and dig into this because this is like, the fifth time in my life. Like since I was a teenager, even that I can remember like, trying to take that time and think about it.
And I'm really going to take the time and think about it and, and like do the work myself and then just like owning it has just been so amazing. For me another way of a resilient like resilience building or sustaining has been having this community this group of, of queer and trans and non binary and non binary folks to connect with, it has just been really huge, you know, especially with all the current they have in in like public sphere and public
life. And you know, and if I, if I need to sometimes it's just like, whatever way I can immerse myself in queer culture, you know, like, watch some pose, or like, whatever it is, you know, that, that like, feels really good. That has has me be celebrating queerness and transmit, so
I like all of that. But again, another amazing Wilmot drop. What does not serve you like a hot fucking potato? Yeah. All right. How about you Rylie? Vanessa pressures on gotta come up with some good work, come up with whatever you want. It's been, it's all good.
I know what I want. Besides cookies, now, like some cookies, resiliency, for me, I It's gonna sound cheesy, but this podcast, I was having trouble pushing back against everything up until the idea for this started up. And that's I think that's one reason why I just jumped into it and got everything running as quickly as I did, is the community that we've built here and knowing that we're helping people just absolutely bolsters me so much.
And having our allies like Tara and Lisa here, just that, that just reminds me that we really are not alone, there are people who support us. So just just transcending humanity has been what has kept me going.
Okay, that's fantastic as well. Find your community, find your people, all these people on my screen are my chosen family. They're my people. Vanessa reached out to me on my LinkedIn and dragged me into this and I cannot thank her enough. I spend more time in the community that she's created than I do. Where that's you, girl. Thank you so much. You rally? Oh,
I kind of think I fall a little bit into a little bit of what everybody else does, in a way. Like, I like immersing myself into queer culture things. So like, I'll sit down and binge watch poses. Well, you know, I'll sit down listen to like some Tegan and Sara, if I'm, you know, one, listen, music, something like that. Even like, you know, back in the day, especially when Tumblr was still
an active. That was absolutely one of my, my recharge spots, because like, I would get so immersed into, there's so much trans joy, like the fuck FTM Tumblr page. And just be like, Oh my god, we're all living our best lives. And then I completely forget that the real world exists.
Yes, that's, that's back to our representation point from earlier. Right. I really like seeing yourself out there and joining that community. You know, it's a big driver and how we get back on the horse how we ultimately because the resiliency is really about taking care of yourself. You've got to recharge you can't be out
there banging on the doors. If you don't have the energy to do a rally you're right representation is one of the most important things and for me, it was a huge early Sustainer.
It's survival. Yes,
Just Knowing just knowing I didn't know you Rylie at the time, but just have having had the opportunity to have seen you would have been a soothing balm, like, well, there's someone out there who's doing what I'm not what I'm afraid to do. And that's amazing.
One of my favorite moments where I had that kind of representation was actually my first year of college. And we had, you know, various, like people who would come to campus and whatnot. And we had a particular person who came to campus, and I can never freakin pronounce his last name, right.
And I feel so bad. But his first name is Rocco, and he's actually the, a very prominent trans masculine figure, and especially in the early 2000s, where he was putting out a quarterly magazine, and it was called original plumbing. Yeah, oh, my goodness. It was such a great magazine guys, like, such a good magazine. And he was awesome. He kind of he kind of jokes about it now a little bit, but like, he was also like a traveling like rap performer, like a spoken word. Oh, wow, rap spoken
word genre. And oh, my goodness. And that was actually while he was at my campus was he was performing like that, like at that point, like he was just a little over 10 years on testosterone. And I was like, just about to hit my one year. And like, just having that moment of like, I can't fathom being at 10 years. And now here I am at 10 years and all it is life.
And that is so great. I love the idea of magazine and original plumbing
for trans people.
Wow. Okay, this has been an amazing episode, we have beat this topic to death today in the best possible way. So a reminder, this is a monthly topic for us, we're going to come back to it every month. Whether it's the first second or third, fourth week of the month. I don't know we just do it when we feel like doing it every month. So if you've got some trans Joy you'd love to send to us to share I would love to read that out for you. So please
reach out to us. I think we've got Vanessa has all the handles and things out
there is a contact form on our website, transcending humanity dot com.
I should know that yes, there's a contact form, please send it to us. We would love to hear from you all. I just got to say I love all of you. So thank you so much for joining me on this tonight. You're all the best people I am so glad to have you in my family. And to all of those out there watching us. Hit that like and subscribe button if you're on YouTube. Follow us from wherever you're consuming this podcast and tell your friends. This goodness needs to
spread. We'll see you next week for episode 11