Hello, and welcome back to another episode of Upfront and Undivided with Luke and Dean'na . Hey, babe. Hey, babe. How's it going? I had two totally different songs going in my head at the same time. And I'm looking over as you're recording and waiting for your spot to open, and I'm like, we're supposed to be talking now. Nope, that's my podcast with the girls. Yep. Not ours. Not us. Not us. Them. Us. Us. Us, us. Them us. Right.
Was it that one day? It was me and the girls and I was like, you know, we, like me, we, and us, we. And Heather's brain was exploding. And then Marsha's like, I'm not even sure what we're talking about. This is what happens when we all record in the same space. And you're involved in two different podcasts. It's it. It's it. It is. It's like, what are we, what, what is our, what is our music sound like again? And it's like, yeah, no. Yeah. Cause I was like,
I always go, Hey, and welcome back. And I was like, yep. Nope. That's not what comes out of your mouth. Nope. Hi babe. Hi babe. How are you? I'm okay. How are you? Okay. It's been a second since we've seen and talked to everybody. Yes. It is anniversary is the last time we talked. Yes, it was. So that's been, what, three weeks? Two weeks? Three weeks. Three. Three weeks. Yeah. Hey, guys. Hi. And what's coming up? Your birthday is coming up. That's right. Yes. I have Venmo.
I have cash up. I am a size $20 bill. It's fine. See, I was being generous. $20. That's nice. Yeah. I mean, Benjamins. I like Benjamins. Those are nice, too. It's fine. Not Benjamin people. I have you. I have a Luke. I don't need another Benjamin. I'm talking about a $100 bill. That's fine. C -notes. C -notes. I need a C -note. See, now it sounds like we're about to do a deal of some sort. It's bad. It's fine. I'm going to be 50, babe. Yes, you are. What is that about?
That's pretty cool. I'm really excited. I really am excited. I know you are. And if anybody is paying attention to anything at any given time, as far as any of the other podcasts, I am doing Alice in Wonderland theme for my 50th birthday because I can. Yeah. It's that simple. Pretty much. And it's like, um, I've got a little suit. I also have a potential dress. You're going to be my amazing bad hatter. We have Sebastian. That's going to be our little white hair running
around saying I'm late. I'm late. I'm late for a very important date. And then Gabri, I think she's just determined that she's just going to probably just be, um, tea, just picnicky. Maybe. I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. We don't see her much anymore. Yeah. Not much. She's busy. She is busy. She's got friends and life. She's got this amazing new job all as well. Life is good. Yeah. She's doing stuff. My mom's coming into town. Yes. She's going to paint herself
to look like a flower. Yep. My brother and sister -in -law are coming in. They're going to be the king and queen of hearts. Yep. Marsha's going
to be the queen of hearts. heather is going to be the queen of clubs yes that is not even part of the story but she has needs to be this needs to be it has to be and then we've got tracy who's going to be a little cheshire cat i think john is going to wear the shirt you gave him that looks like the cheshire cat it's just gonna be good yes and i mean and then whoever else shows up i think we're probably gonna look at maybe i'm gonna round food up and drinks up to probably
about 50 people Roughly. It's always good to have more food than not. I don't know. There's going to be a lot of people. I'm going to have to go count. All of a sudden I started getting really nervous. You're making me nervous. I don't mean to. I don't mean to. It might be rough. I'm not going to look right now. I won't look right now because we don't need to know. It's fine. It's going to be fun. It's going to be fun. We're going to have a good time. Yeah. We're
going to celebrate life. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to be good. It's going to be a good break. Yeah. Even though it's a lot of, like I'm literally decorating the house now. Yeah. And getting everything ready because we have all the family coming to stay and hang with us for a couple of days. But it's just, it's good. How is it a break? I think it's going to be a break in a way of, there's just going to be a lot of laughter and it's just going to be, there's no stress. Okay. As much
as, I don't think I'm stressing. Am I? No, you're not. Are you stressing? A little bit. Why? Because people are coming to our house. Because people are coming. People. You said 50 people. Uh -oh. People. You said 50 people in our home. It's not 50. You said 50 people in our home. It's not 50. I got recording. You do have a recording. But it's not 50. Maybe it's 50. Yeah. It's not 50. You've been saying 50 for the past couple days. Have I? Yes. I am going to for your sanity
and mine. But no, don't worry about it right now. 35. Okay. See? Is that better? That's better. It's going to be a good time. Yes. It's going to be a good time. Yes. And I think it actually kind of ties us into what it is that we want to talk about. Yes. Because... Because you are a very social person. I am an incredibly social person. And your husband isn't always. And depending on where we are and what we're doing, you are incredibly social. Like you're even more social
than I am. But you have to be in the right headspace with the right people doing the right thing for you to really enjoy the people. If we were to go to a European soccer game, With thousands of fans of people, you would be incredibly fine. I'd be fine, but I wouldn't be there for the social aspect. I think that's the thing. I see what you're saying. Yes. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. But you do. I think a lot of it is just me. I can be in a crowd. It's true. But yeah. Yeah.
If it gets to be too much, then we leave. Yes. Because then sometimes I'm like, I'm ready to leave now. Yeah. Yeah, it just depends on the circumstance. So what are we talking about today? So today we're talking about knowing your person. Knowing your person. Yes. And I would say not just like your married person, but just knowing your person. Maybe knowing your spouse, knowing your children, knowing your friends. Just knowing the people that you consider one of your... Like
even sometimes business relationships. Yes. Just know your person, know their temperaments, know... You're fidgety. I am very fidgety today. Yeah. You okay? No. I don't know why. I'm very fidgety. It's like sitting with Sebastian right now. Yeah. It's fine. Part of me is like my brain is okay, but the rest of me feels like I'm all over the place. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why. I don't know if it's like I'm trying to keep myself awake. Cause I've been yawning for half the day and
it's just, yeah. I do not think either one of us slept well. No, we didn't. And that's okay. You know, and you know, to kind of like, in addition to, yes, this is our topic, but you know, again, things are changing at work. Things are changing in life and just, you know, the, the stuff that we're doing in our life and, you know, we're contemplating buying a new car, getting, you know, selling my car, getting a new one. Yeah. You know, and it's just, you know, Just normal
life stressors. Yes. School is over. Now we have Sebastian home all the time. Yeah. What do we do? It's now summer break. Summer break's a whole other space. Yep. It creates a completely different dynamic in the house too. Yep. And then it's like on top of health, like you're still getting better from your knee. Yes. And we're finding out that apparently you have... Weird things in my nose. In your nose. Yeah. So stupid. So weird. So random. So random. That might potentially
be causing you to be dizzy. Right. So if that's the case and it's so simple and easy. Yes. Yay, Jesus. Yes. Like, we'll go for that. Yes. In a heartbeat. Like, complete randomness. Yes. I got these cyst things. Look, you have an eight millimeter BB in your nose. Okay, cool. Sweet. Give me a big old magnet. That would be epic. That would be funny. That would have been crazy when I was in the MRI. That is actually one of the questions they ask before they say. If you
have any metal in you. They specifically say, you know, because it's the VA. They're like, you know, do you have any shrapnel or BB? Shut up. Do they really? They really do. That's fantastic. Not just shrapnel from procedural when you were serving in the Air Force, but when you were shooting your little brother. Right. Pretty certain one of my brothers has a BB in them. Yeah. It would not surprise me if it's Randy. Right. It's fine. So life be life -ing. Yes. Life is life -ing.
And it's the people -ing, knowing your people. Yes. And so it's like, even last weekend, We took off to Texas to go watch my middle brother get married. And it's like understanding your person, understanding the social cues, understanding like you do not care. You love people. You love. Friends. Yes. Okay. I feel like I'm having to dwindle this down. You love friends. How many qualifiers can we put? My husband likes people. He likes people, but he loves his friends. And
you love me. I do. And it's like, but you do not care for weddings. You don't mind the weddings. It's the receptions that... that are not your favorite. It's funny. I'm not a fan of weddings or receptions. And I'm not a fan of funerals. And yet, this month, we've been to both of those. We have taken long road trips to go to both of these. Yes. The one from Texas, you didn't come back broken and hobbling. That's true. We took a really nice break because you need to know
your person. Like I keep trying to tie this into. So it's like with Luke and I, here's the deal. It's almost like you have to learn where to prime a pump. That's a good, I like that analogy. It's a good analogy. Priming a pump. Number one, you love me enough to know that I love my family. Yes. And it's not that you don't love my family. It's you were in pain. You were not feeling good. Yeah. We weren't even sure we were going to make it. Right. And then you started getting better,
which was a blessing, but you still. not a hundred percent. We're getting results back. We're now finding out that like, there's, there's some, there's stuff going on. There's stuff going on. Um, nothing severe, nothing like life threatening. Let's say it that way. Yeah. But enough to where my legs are going to fall off. No, but maybe enough to where like, okay, you might need to get a little bit of a surgery or some sort of something. Just prayer. We know that. Listen
guys, we know God can heal. Y 'all want to pray? God heals them. Absolutely. Let's go for that. In the meantime, if there's a surgery or something that needs to be done, that way it makes you feel better. But you went. Yep. But in the process of going, I said, hey, let's stop, number one, to give you a break to rest, but also. to where you could get yourself in a really good headspace. And I could get myself in a really good headspace too. It wasn't just you, it was me too. And understanding
the dynamic of your person. If your person has, I do not say this word lightly, I don't want to throw a stigma, but if social anxiety or social, what do you want to say? It's like I almost want to say mental health concerns. Okay. I think
that's good. Yeah. But just if they're just not a people person, if you have a natural introvert of a spouse, of a best friend, of a family member, if they're kind of in a natural space of they have to go be by themselves to recharge their batteries or they have to do whatever they need to do to get back to good, it's good to say, What can I do to help you be prepared for what
it is that we're about to go into? Because the reality, there are days where you will take me by the hand on occasion and say, we don't need to go here. We don't need to do this. This will actually cause a shift in your spirit that I don't want to cause a disruption in. Or sometimes it's, I know you're sensitive. Yes. So I need to help protect you. Correct. And guard you. Correct. Yeah. Because you know what we're about
to walk into where I'm fairly clueless. And so I think when you know your person, when you know, you said it before we hit record, the idiosyncrasies, the little things about them, then it's easier. To say, okay, this is how we're going to prep this. This is how we're going to do this. This is your cue. Look at me. Blink three times. Tell me that we're leaving. Right. When your battery is done. Right. You know, you kept with the reception.
It was good. We kept moving. There was enough people, I think, talking to us one -on -one that it didn't get to be too. It was people that we loved. I was going to say, it was like your uncles and aunts and uncles that were there. Yeah. And for the most part, we were out of the table together. And then our nephews came up to us. They would like come in and out of the orbit. But for the most part, like we weren't, I did not take you onto the dance floor until it was a slow dance.
Yeah. Because I know that that's, you don't enjoy that. Yeah. And we didn't bounce from table to table meeting the other, your future in -laws. Yeah. New in -laws. Yeah. New family. My brother's in -laws are now family. So I think when you walk through certain scenarios and certain situations, maybe, not even maybe, I think it's wisdom to say, how do you feel about this? Number one, how do you feel about this? Should we be doing this? You said yawning and I started yawning.
I know. And it's like, To mentally prepare because you can't bow out of everything. I mean, I guess you could. I could. I don't think that's healthy, though. It's not. Because that creates a whole other different dynamic that you just, then you become this hermit. Yeah. This social recluse. And then I don't feel like. And there's resentment and bitterness. It's bad. Yeah. Like, don't do that to your person. Right. If you know that your person is like, this is my person. Okay.
Let's talk about my birthday. Yeah. Babe, do you like your birthday celebrated? No, I do not. Okay. Do you like the whole parties and all the people coming and you being the center of attention? Not at all. And all of the things? Not at all. Not at all. Babe, do I like all of that stuff? You do. I do. Yeah. And you love me enough to do it. Immensely. You know what I mean? Yeah. You love me enough to even dress up like something. I do. Which, in my mind, honestly, listen, you
actually like this idea. I really do. You really do. You put that mad hat on, sir, and I was like, hello. Yeah. I mean, again, it's my theater background popping out to say hi. Uh -huh. Yeah. I know how to tap into you. You do. Babe, so we're going to dress up in costumes for my birthday. And you get to be my Mad Hatter. Yes. Like a twinkle came. You were on board. You like this idea. Very, very much so. So it's like, again, finding out your person, finding out. And if you're somebody
that says, I'm not very good at planning. I don't do this well. My person likes X, Y, Z. They like things to be set up in a certain way. Then find people that are. like that person that will help rally with you to, to be a support team, to be a sounding board, to even maybe help you or, or do it for you. And then you get all the credits of all of the things, you know, it's, it's learning your person, loving them enough to say, this isn't about me. This is about you. This is about
Even with the wedding, it wasn't about me. It wasn't even about you. It was about celebrating my brother. It's being mature enough to say, I am willing to lay down even my personality and my pride and how I think things should be to... to help support and love and encourage something that makes you happy. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. Because I think at the end of the day, there's a lot of what we talk about when it comes to relationships and all. There's that degree
of maturity that has to come. And I was having a conversation earlier today. And we were talking about maturity and age and how, you know, they've discovered in the past, you know, several years or so that adolescence actually lasts until you're about 30 -ish. I believe that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, because, again, your brain is still forming. You're still developing. You know, it's all that stuff. And, like, it was funny because, like. I was talking to my co -workers about this, and
some of them looked very disappointed. Because they want to be adults, and they want to be grown, and they want to look at their significant others and be like, Grow up. Grow up. How old are these co -workers? One is 26, and one is like 36, I think. Oh, they're just... Yeah. So it was funny, the one that's 36, she's like, the one that's 36, she's like, Oh, so I've been an adult for six years. I'm six years old. Yay! That's awesome. I'm like, oh. Yes? Yes. Yes. Yes. So, yeah. But
again, it's these, you know, it is. It's the maturity. It's the mature conversations. It's the mature decisions. It's the, can you come at this topic, this struggle, this obstacle, this benefit in a mature manner? Yes. You know, and it's. Again, it's coming at somebody, coming at your spouse, not coming at your spouse, but coming to your spouse. And you're so full of anger and confusion and frustration and all the bad things and all the negative things. And you
just want to blast your spouse. And it's like, I can't. If I do this, I'm going to destroy them. And I don't want to destroy them, but I need
to. communicate and let them know what's going on in my brain and I need to let them know that I'm hurt and I need to let them know that hey when you did this it kind of crushed me yeah you know and it's but it is it's it's the how do you handle that in a mature manner right And I think as you're growing, because you are growing, I mean, you said that you guys just learned that adolescence is all the way up till 30s. Okay.
So you have... Like around 30. Okay. So you have somebody that is maybe in their 20s or they're just now hitting 30 or they're just a little past 30. And they're struggling. They're trying to figure this out. Maybe they've been with their person now since, I don't know. There's some people that I work with up at the school. Her and her husband have known each other and been in each other's lives since they were seven. Wow. I mean, that's cool. That is super cool.
I mean, that's super cool. You know what she also said, though? She goes, when we talk to our kids and they say, man, that's cool, mom and dad, that's awesome. They go, oh, let's tell you how we had to learn how to grow up with each other. Yeah. How we had to learn the hard things and talk through the hard things and understand each other's points of view and that it's not going to look the same as what we think. Even though we were raised with and around each other,
we are two totally different. Yeah. And she says, it was like, and I'm listening to her going, dang, do you listen to us? You know, I kind of think, but, but genuinely it was, it was, it was a beautiful insight of, she said the day that she figured out my husband and I get to grow the rest of our lives, she stopped fighting. Oh, nice. That's cool. Yeah. Like, you and I are growing the rest of our lives. Yeah. And the moment that we say, I'm still growing, you're
still growing. Okay, well, that was weird. That's probably not something we want to do again. Yeah, you know, probably not. Okay, cool. Or, wow, I like that. Let's maybe add that into who we are now, you know, kind of thing. Let's cultivate that one. Let's cultivate that one. Yeah. You know, it's like. Be that couple. Be that person to your person. You know, look at them and say who you were when we got married and who you
are. Yeah, it might look different. It might be, you know, it should look different because you're constantly growing. But in order to continue to grow together, it's... It's recognizing your person's growth. It's recognizing your person's even frailties. It's recognizing their struggles. It's seeing life through their eyes. And then what you get to do, it's not that you're trying to. It's not like I'm trying to be you or you're trying to be me. It's you understanding my perspective
or I'm understanding yours. And then it helps me learn how to communicate with you better because I have a greater understanding of even how you tick and how you learn. And I'd almost go and want to correct just a little bit of that. Sure.
You know, when you're saying, you know, I understand your... where you're coming from you understand you know and all this and it's like i think there's going to be times where i'm not going to understand oh absolutely what's happening i'm not going to understand what's going on you're not going to understand what's going on yeah but it's that that recognition of i love you yeah i still want this to work i still want you know like when you're talking back and forth i i pictured you
know when you're talking about you know Growing with somebody and learning, oh, hey, we want to keep this. Or, oh, wait, we don't want that one anymore. I pictured a vegetable garden. Ooh, that's good. Because, again, you want to take care of it. You want to grow things. But all of a sudden, early on, it's like, hey, we really like this produce. So we're going to grow it. And all of a sudden, it's like, we don't really like this produce anymore. Or it doesn't grow.
In this season. In this season. Or it doesn't grow in this location with the soil and stuff like that. So it's like, okay, that's not going to grow. Let's plant something else. Or, hey, we now like squash. Okay, we're going to grow squash. And so it's like that's kind of how I pictured it in my brain when you were saying the growing and all that. But it is. I think if we try to fully understand everything about our spouse. I think we're going to fail. Or maybe
not fail, but fall short. Because if your goal is to understand, if my goal is to completely understand you, I'm going to run my head through a wall because I'm going to get frustrated because I love you to pieces, but I don't think I will ever completely understand you. And that's not a bad thing. I don't think we should ever... I think our goal should be to do our best to understand as much as we can about our spouses.
Yeah. But never have the goal of arriving to where we've completely understood our spouses. Yeah. It's almost like striving for the knowledge of God. Yeah. It's like we want to walk with God so we can learn as much as we can about God. Yeah. But it's like, I've talked to people that have been following God their entire life, you know, 50, 60, 70 years. And they're like, there's still things that it's like, I'm still learning things about the kingdom. I'm still learning
things about God. Yeah. And it's like that. Yeah. You know, and it's like, it's like once you think I've arrived, I know everything. You stop trying. You do. You stop. Yeah. So. You stop trying. No, I like that. Because when you said that, I was like, no, you're right. That's good. I think maybe understanding is the wrong word. I don't think it even has a word. I think it's more defined. Instead of having a greater understanding about your person, I think it's an appreciation.
Yeah. I think appreciation. Yeah. Because I don't understand you a lot of days, some days. Yeah. I'm weird. You're not weird. I mean, you're my weird. But just like her daughter and her son. Yeah. Y 'all are my weirds. But I think there's an appreciation. You can look at your person and say, babe, I don't understand that. Yeah. But I love you. I trust you. I trust God inside of you. Yeah. And I can appreciate what you bring to the table because I know when you speak, like,
greater knowledge comes. Yeah. Or a greater understanding of who you are comes. But I think the appreciation kind of needs to come first. Yeah. If I can say it that way. I think so, yeah. Because it's like when you're first dating a person and you're getting to know that person, unless you have this hardwire situation in your brain that says, no matter what, I'm going to try to change this person, you're looking at this person and you're... You're learning them. You're learning who they
are. You're learning their quirks. You're learning how they think. You're learning how they see things even. Their language. You're learning their love language. Well, not just their love language. Their language. Yeah. Because how I say things is different than how you say things. Because you are fabulous. When it comes to, do you remember? You do remember. It's fine. I'm
going to paint a picture for our listeners. So whenever we got engaged, we did a video, which to this day I wish I could find, and we need to find it. It is on YouTube somewhere. If anybody could find it, that'd be great. We need to call Carlson and have him find that for us. But we did a video, and it was basically we broke down.
how we went about our relationship we talked about the courtship we talked about all of the things and then um we said some really kind things about each other about who we are and who we thought the other person was and you use the silver dollar word in the middle of it do you remember that i do I don't remember the word. I don't either. Yeah. Because you, you said something and I, and you were, you were describing me and I kind of stared at you and I said, what does
that mean? You know? And then you were so kind and you broke it down and you, and you defined the word for me. And I was like, Ooh, I like that. Yeah. And so that is who you've always been. It's like you, you are so amazingly smart. And our children have phenomenal diabolical vocabularies because you don't shy away from expressing yourself in that manner. Yes. At the same time, because you know your person. Yes. And some days you just really do not want to have to be Google
and Webster's Dictionary. Yes. You will. I will not say dumb down, but you will bring your words from $1 .50 down to maybe 25 cents. And so it's not saying that I am less or you are more. It's this is who you are and this is how you've been created. And you challenge me and you make me want to be better. There's an appreciation. And then I bring this really childlike simplicity to the table. Plain language. Plain language. That wants to play Alice in Wonderland and do
all of the dorky things. Run around in costumes and have relay races up and down our street. Inflatable. Inflatable. Know your person. Know your person. Appreciate the differences. Appreciate how they see life. Ask questions. One of the reasons why our very first date, I'm asking you all the questions. Like, scope them out. Why do you do that? Not in a, like a... Not know what's wrong with you. Yeah, not know what's
wrong with you way. But like, why is that? And give them a chance to maybe they'll say, you know what? I don't know. I don't know. It's just always what I've done or this is just how I was raised or. Yeah. You know, or they might give you a really great story behind why it is that they do what they do. And instead of it becoming
an irritation or becoming something that. can cause a disconnect, it can become something that all of a sudden you find yourself loving that person even more and appreciating them even on a greater measure. Yeah. Or sometimes, you know, by asking some of those probing questions, it can lead to the response of, I don't know, which could then lead to healing. Yes. Yeah. You know, well, I don't know why I did that. Let me figure that out. Yeah. Cause I, I know that we've done
that. Yeah. I mean, I, you are my psychology couch. Like, like having those moments of something I'm breaking down and things are happening and then me staring at you. And then like these moments of light bulbs going off and me saying, babe, this is, this is why. I think this is why I do what I do. Yeah. And then I allow God to come in and you pray for me and we deal with it. Yeah. So I think being a person's person. Yeah. Giving them that space, allowing your loved one to be
everything that God created them to be. And then as they keep getting refined and growing and maturing. And learning. Yeah. And getting comfortable in their skin. Yeah. Then sometimes the dross comes up, the yucky starts showing. That's not the time to like bail. That's not the time to cast stones. That's not the time to go, oh my gosh, you're not the person that I thought you were. That's the time where you double down and you say, hey, okay. There seems to be something
here. Yeah. Let's have a conversation. Let's talk about this. Let's figure out what this is so that way we can come at this thing together. And so that way we can get back to good. Yeah. Yeah. Because it is. A lot of it is, you know, we say it a lot. We do. We say it a lot. It is. It's having those hard conversations. It's having those long conversations. It's having the awkward conversations. Yes. To figure out these basic
questions. I mean, we say they're basic. In our minds, we think these are basic questions because we like to think that... well, everybody should be having these conversations. Everybody should be thinking this way. And if they're not, how can we encourage them to have these conversations? But it is. Sometimes it's the awkward conversations. It's the, how can I get to know you better? Oh, that's good, babe. Because it is. Especially when you're talking about dating, courtship,
being engaged, marriage. Your goal is to be with this person for the rest of your life. And you want to know who you're going home with. You want to know who's sleeping in the bed next to you. And if it's friendship, if it's coworkers, you want to know who you can be safe around. That's good. Because, again, if you're friends, if this is a friend relationship, and let's say you are going out and exploring and having adventures, you want to know that you're with somebody that's
got your back. Yes. And it's not going to just abandon you for some cute guy in a parking garage. Come on. I'm going to say that one. Come on. I know they're not listening. Come on. Truly. But it is. But you want somebody that, you know. It's like I was having a conversation and it was like, you know, hey, this person wanted to be a designated driver because they're headed
to a wedding with their boyfriend. And their boyfriend got all upset because this person sober is not as fun and wild as when they're drunk. So it's like, oh. But again, it's like you want to make sure that. Who are you going to be safe with? We know people from our past and we know people currently that used to party and drink and do all the things. If you're going to be doing those things, you want to know you're going to come home safe. Unless you're in a dark space
and then you don't care. Ultimately, you want to know that you're going to be safe. You want to make sure that... You know, like when you used to go karaoke. Yeah, I was a designated driver. You were the designated driver, but you were also looking out for your friends. You know, because I'm sure your friends were like, Dean is here. She's going to make sure I get home safe or she's going to make sure that I don't go home with some rando. You know? The stories
I could tell. I know, but it is. You want to be that friend and you want to have those friends around you. Yes. So even if they are friends, you want to make sure that you're going to be safe around these people. So I say all that to say that we do. We want to make sure that we're surrounded by safe people. Yes. And if that sounds a little disjointed, we just cut out like three and a half minutes of conversation. Our daughter
called us on the phone, guys. Sorry. If it sounds a little like, that sounds like a weird jump. That's why. Our kiddos come first, guys. Post -production. Welcome to life be lifing here. Yes. No, I think that's good. I think that's good. And if... Father, I'm asking right now in the name of Jesus that you just, you cover our couples. You cover the people that are listening right now. Father, I ask that you open up the airwaves above them to where they can communicate
on a greater scale and a greater measure. I'm asking, Father, that you open up the hearts and the lives and the minds of the ones that are struggling right now, that you give them... a place of safety, knowing that you are their safety. And Father, then I'm asking that you heal hearts and you heal wounds and you heal places so that way they can be each other's safety again. Yes.
I ask that forgiveness flows. I ask that bitterness and resentment and offense leaves and that they're able to heal past the hurt, that they're not constantly tripping on what's behind them. Yeah. Because ultimately, the reason why we say the things that we say, the way that we go about the things that we go about, is because we've lived these things. As amazing and as awesome as our family is, and it is, and I'm grateful. It took years upon years upon years upon years
of cultivating. It took years upon years upon years of weird conversations, of staring at my sweet husband and going, I don't know how else to explain this. This is how this is. And learning. I love what you said, learning each other's language, learning even each other's tones. Like your tone is more aggressive than mine at times, but I can be really aggressive to you. It's almost even more so at times. Even something as you're soft -spoken. Yes. I was raised in a loud family.
Yes. And it's like. Why are you yelling? I'm not. This is, I'm talking. It's just me talking. And then you met my parents and you're like, or especially my mom. Yes. You're like, oh. This makes complete sense to me. And so I think, I think learn not just your person, but maybe even learn from where that person came from. Yeah. And have a greater understanding of maybe even why they are the way that they are. What makes up your DNA? Yeah. Having, having a. An aha moment.
Like, not justifying this is why you're a douchebag. That's not what I'm talking about. Right. I'm talking about, oh, this is where this comes from. Yeah. Okay. I get that now. Okay, babe. So I'm understanding now where you learned this trait.
Yes. Can we now figure out how to... soften it or mold it or maneuver it or get rid of it whatever it needs to be so that way we can flourish as us and not bring somebody else into our marriage yeah by stuff right And I think when we take that time, that's the deep -seating, deep -sea diving stuff. That's the having the hard conversations. That's the, well, you're just mad. You always blame my mother, or you always blame my dad, or you always blame... No, no, no, no, no, no,
no. This is legit. Be mature enough to understand that there is psychological things that come, that there are... there is nature and there is nurture, and that these are legit things, and there's also generational spirits and hereditary stuff that comes in every one of our families, even the really great ones, that don't seem to have any issues. There's always something. And so having a greater understanding of why do I
think the way that I think? Okay. Is that a correct way of thinking or is this just something that I've learned? And if it's something I've learned, then I can unlearn it. Yeah. And then be patient enough with your person as they're trying to unlearn some of these patterns and then help love them into the space where they can be loved into good, solid patterns that make you guys stronger. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. That's good. I think we hit it. Outside of our three minutes
out. Yes. Which will be magically erased. Which will be magically erased. And everybody will go, what are y 'all talking about? Yeah. It's fine. But we explained it. But we did explain it. It's fine. See? There you go. Yeah. Guys, give each other space to grow. Yes. Every day I ask that you guys wake up. And look at your person and say, I get to learn something beautiful about you today. And even if it's something that I know about you, I get to learn it in a greater
measure. That is my prayer. That's my prayer for me. I want to start learning you in a greater measure. I want to know you and who you are in a greater measure. So that way I can learn how to love you better. I love you have the best week guys enjoy the journey happy birthday to me happy birthday to you thanks babe happy birthday to me enjoy the journey folks