Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: Imagine carrying a secret, a burden that weighs not just on your physical appearance, but on your very soul, a secret that eats away at your confidence day by day. It's something that many of us can relate to in one way or another, whether it's professionally or personally. Our guest today, Barb Betts, knows this struggle all too well.
For over 20 years, she faced a challenge that she kept hidden behind a facade of shame and insecurity. But then, at the age of 42, Barb made a courageous decision. She decided it was time to stop hiding. To stop living in the shadows of her own insecurities. Now you might be wondering why this matters to you.
Today she shares her incredible story and the invaluable lessons she learned along the way. Whether you're battling a hidden struggle, striving for personal growth, or seeking the path to success, Barb's story will inspire and uplift you. It's a story of resilience and unstoppable grit. So Barb, I really want to dive into this right away because I'm eating to know what this secret is.
So I want to know your decision to openly share your hidden secret was incredibly brave and inspiring. Can you take us back to this moment when you made that choice and tell us what drove you to step out from behind the mask and concealment?
Barb Betts: Yes, I would love to Danielle and thank you so much for having me here.
I'm so excited to talk to you. So, the secret is that I have suffered from adult female hair loss. Since I was 18 19 years old and my hair started thinning and falling out and I woke up one day at about the age of and brushed my hair and found two 50 cent size alopecia spots on my head. And for those of you that don't know what alopecia is, it is not just hair loss.
It is actual, Where there is no hair at all, the hair has come out of the follicles. So it's almost like I like to refer to as a baby's bottom, on your head and imagine brushing your hair and seeing that, the things that go through your head in that moment. I can't even describe, am I sick? Do I have cancer?
What is this? Where'd the hair go? I couldn't even find the hair. It was just like an unimaginable experience and. I went to my dermatologist, I got needles injected into my scalp to start growing the hair back and she said, Hey, at the end of the day, this typically means you have some kind of autoimmune condition going on.
And so I got tested for that and went to an internist and did find out that I have an autoimmune disease of the thyroid. And, the story continues of my hair just continuing to fall out, continuing to fall out. diffusely across my head, which is also known as female pattern baldness, alopecia, autoimmune.
My dad was bald at 25. So I have genetic care loss. I have it all. And I tried every solution possible. I tried every procedure. I tried every single serum. I tried needles in my scalp PRP. If you're familiar with that process, I tried it all. And I finally went to a hair transplant surgeon, who kind of.
Was honest with me about the reality of my situation. But where the story goes different is I had been hiding behind it for years. So I'd been covering it up. So yes, I was going through this painful, shameful thing at home. In front of my family and my husband. But then I was covering it up to my friends, my family and publicly.
I was wearing a powder in my hair every day. that are hair follicles that you hairspray down on your head. That literally creates a hairline. And, I was ashamed. I was embarrassed and I thought, why me? All the things. And after that doctor's appointment, I just said, I got to do something about this. I am 42 years old.
I am too young to be bald and I don't want to live like this anymore. So I explored human hair alternatives and I came across a company in Newport beach, right? In my backyard. And I went for a consultation and I thought I was going to get a topper, which is full length extensions that clip into the top of your head, into your bio hair and hang over your hair.
That's what I thought I was going to get. And I thought, I can do this. Tons of women wear extensions, all the things I'll never forget when Ashley, my consultant walked in the room and she took one look at the top of my head. And she said, Barb, this isn't going to work for you. You don't have enough hair on top of your head to clip in, and it's going to be painful and it's going to pull your hair out more.
And she said, I suggest you try wigs. And Danielle, I looked at her like she had three heads and I don't know, fire breathing out. Like I was like, you're insane. There's no way I'm going to wear wigs. There's a stigma behind wigs. Only old people wear wigs. Only sick people wear wigs. They look fake. I had all the excuses.
My 20 year old daughter, she was 20 at the time. She turned and looked at me and she's like, mom, do you know how many women wear full length extensions? You just need help in a different area. So I decided
Danielle Cobo: to try on the wig. That's an interesting perspective. Wait, let's say that one again, because that's so she said,
Barb Betts: she said, Mom, do you know how many women wear full length extensions?
You just need help in a different area. It's no different. And that statement changed my life. Because I tried on the wig, and I was like, Wow, it was the first time I had felt beautiful in a very long time. I ripped the band aid off. I ordered the wig. I talked to my husband and my son and my daughter and I said, you know what?
it was transformative to make, take the step to order the wig. That was definitely a transformative moment. However, what really transformed my life was when I said to my family, I'm not going to hide behind this anymore. I'm going to be authentic. I'm going to be transparent. I'm going to be vulnerable.
And I'm going to tell the world that I've been hiding behind something and I now wear wigs and I'm going to be proud of it. And the reason I did that was I knew in my heart that there was other women out there who were young like me who are suffering in pain as well and are hiding behind the same shame of hair loss as I was.
And we've got to stop it. The stigma of female hair loss where men can show up bald and lose their hair and it's no big deal. It's like an everyday conversation, but women, it's like whispering and what's wrong with her? Is she sick? No, we just have the same problem men do. It's just men have it at a more rapid rate and a more common rate.
And you see it more. because women don't admit to it. And so I did, I came out on social media and I showed a picture of me without my powder in with wet hair. So you could see really how much of my scalp was showing and a picture of me with my new hair piece. And it changed my life. literally in that moment changed my life because what I've realized through this process is people want to see vulnerability.
People want to see authenticity. And when they see it, they know it. And you become so much more relatable. You become so much more approachable and people are just compelled To work with you, be with you and want to be part of your world. And now I've made it my mission to speak and inspire women across the world that you can do this too.
And it's not just women. men have stories too, right? Men have things they're hiding behind too. So that's my journey. That's why I'm here. I'm now obsessed. I have five pieces. They all have names. They all have personalities. I love it. I absolutely love this version of me.
Danielle Cobo: I believe there's a lot of people out there that can relate to this in one way or another.
And I know that for women, there is a sense of identity with our hair. It is part of our identity. Yep. I believe it is with men too, because my husband is bald and in his, when people ask him, when did you start losing your hair? His responses, or he says, you know, God's only made so many perfect heads and the rest of them have hair.
And so his response, but I remember I met him with hair. I remember when it started to fall out and it was tough. It was part of his identity. and yes, it is more acceptable for men than it is women, but both men and women, hair can be a part of their identity. Now you speak to audiences all over the world Now, some of them may or may not be able to relate to you directly with your story. But where do you find in the people that you meet that they eventually are vulnerable and saying, Hey, you know what? I can relate to your story, but in this way, what are some of the stories that you hear?
Barb Betts: That's a great question.
So, I think it's really comes into the, conversation of. I've heard so many stories where people are tired of showing up as the person that they think they need to be to accomplish the goal in front of them, the appointment or the person they're talking to, right? So we also can call that people pleasing and I was a professional people pleaser so I can relate and what I've learned is there's so many people that are.
not driving the car they want to drive, not wearing the outfit they want to wear, not exposing that they have tattoos because they're afraid the people in front of them won't like that, not exposing that they have vitiligo, that they have birthmarks. I also have a birthmark that I hid behind from years.
That's a whole nother story. But I came out at the same time with this because my girlfriends were like, you know what, if you're going to talk about the hair, you might as well be transparent about the face. And I did. And I wowed everybody that I'd been hiding behind this birthmark that I've had since birth.
Like, it's not my fault it happened. I've had it since birth, right? But I was so ashamed of it. And, so what I've really learned, Danielle, is it's not just you have to have a hair story. It's not even that you have to have something significantly wrong with you. Because some people, quite frankly, I wouldn't say are perfect, but don't have skin issues, don't have hair issues, aren't missing any limbs, don't have marks on their bodies.
There are some people out there, trust me, I used to compare myself to them for years. That look perfect, but it doesn't mean that they're not hiding behind who they really want to be. That's what I've uncovered through this authenticity journey. Is this idea of authentic confidence is you're not showing up as who you know you're best designed to be.
And that can be in any aspect of your life. And the moment you decide to just do you. Like you do you boo, like that's always my favorite thing now, right? The second you decide. That I'm going to wear jeans on the professional appointment because I look good in jeans and this is my style and people love you for it.
Who cares? Because when you show up as you are authentically designed to be, you are a different person. You do show up differently. You show up more confidently. You show up more proud of who you are and people know it the second they see it. They know it the second, I've had so many people tell me that you're so much more confident now.
What I always say to them is I didn't put this hair on my head and become confident overnight. That's not reality. But what happened was I decided to just be me. the second I decided to just be me, yes, I did become more confident in their eyes. But that little girl was always inside of me,
Danielle Cobo: right?
100 percent agree with you vulnerability is the key to authenticity because I spent so much of my career in my life hiding behind this guard and would put this outward perception that I have it all together and in reality I was Feeling unfulfilled. I was feeling lost.
I was insecure. I had a lot of self doubt and it wasn't until I learned to put the guard down and share my story where it was a sigh of relief. It was as if these boulders were sitting on me. And then when I started to be vulnerable and share my story, Those boulders just started to come off and it was a sigh of relief.
It felt like I had oxygen breathed into me and found that through being vulnerable and authentic confidence started to
Barb Betts: build. Yes. it is something that you don't even know you have in you until you do it. Like there's a version of me now that I'm like, dang, I'm pretty darn cool and I'm not afraid to say it.
And I never would have said that three years ago. And there's thoughts that I used to think like, what if I could do this? What if I could be a keynote speaker and speak all over the world and inspire people from stage? Cause it's my favorite thing to do. What if I could? Not leave my real estate career behind because I come from the real estate space, but what if I could do both?
What if I could run my brokerage at home have my husband handle our sales business with our clients? And then I get to go do this passion that I love and guess what? I'm doing it now and I can guarantee you I would not have done that three years ago Before I put this hair on my head and now I can. And it's like you get to peel down these layers of this onion that you don't realize you've been holding back.
It's like you don't even know what you're holding back till you really let yourself dream and be you. And you're absolutely right. The vulnerability is the key aspect of it. And, you know, people always ask me, It cracks me up. They're like, but you should, because I love Instagram. It's like my favorite thing.
I love social media. I love building relationships on social and meeting new people. And people are always like, you share everything. I'm like, I make you think I share everything, but I don't. And that's the cool thing about vulnerability is you get to decide what you're vulnerable about. You get to decide when you say it, you get to decide when you be transparent about it.
And it really, an incredible, experience.
Danielle Cobo: And let's break this misconception here that vulnerability is airing out all of your dirty laundry. Vulnerability is not airing out your dirty laundry. Vulnerability is letting down the guard, letting people connect with you on a deeper level, building a relationship with this person, supporting each other and being authentic.
Barb Betts: Yep. Vulnerability is, you choosing who you let deeper into your life. It's leaning on a friend telling him, Hey, I'm having a hard time. I'm having a bad day. It's, showing up on social media without my hair on some days without my makeup on, just showing people that I'm real and I have a real life.
but you get to choose the level of what you do that. there's a difference between being private and personal, Personal is sharing the, who you are, the fun things about you, the quirky things about you, what you like to drink, what you like to eat, right? All the things about you, private.
It's like you go to dinner with your spouse. You show the restaurant you're at, the menu, maybe the bottle of wine you're drinking. But Private is the conversation you had at the table. That doesn't get shared. And so you get to define those boundaries. But if you show up as this perfect person who never has a bad day, who always has her hair and makeup done, and yes, I'm talking differently because that's what people do that are people pleasing, and never admit that they made a mistake, or they're not feeling well, or they're tired, or whatever it may be.
That's not being transparent, authentic, and vulnerable. It's really letting people in to a different level, and you get to define what that level is. That's the one thing I always want to make sure I make clear. I may do it more or different than you, and that's okay. As long as you're being you.
Danielle Cobo: Okay, so I struggle with an area on social media here, because there is an element where Sometimes people will criticize or I hear the criticism of you, well, you're always put together and you know what I am and whether I see people or not, that me getting ready every single day, putting hair and makeup on is authentic to me.
Absolutely is authentic to me because I do it for myself. Agreed. And so some people criticize, you're always put together and it was, they see it and it almost feels like it's a negative thing, but that is authentic to me. And at the same time, I also acknowledge that there is a little bit of a fear deep down inside to reveal this.
Vulnerable look of no makeup and not having my hair done. And I know that that stems deep, deep inside from my childhood and being teased, being called four eyes and cross side and being told by one kid. And I remember this. He said, Danielle, body of a goddess face from hell. That's what he told.
Oh, it was horrible. It was
Barb Betts: turning to mean adults. He's probably a mean adult now too. Probably.
Danielle Cobo: and then you go into the high school years and I had acne all over my face and my back. So there's also, I recognize that there's still probably a guard up and a little fear of being vulnerable because of that deep pain inside.
Barb Betts: Girl, I hear you, I feel you, I lived you. I was, I always joke, when I was little, I was a very overweight child. I was fat. I'm just going to say I was fat. My friends are like, you weren't that big. I'm like, go look back at the pictures, people. I was a big girl. had a birthmark on my face that I could not cover up.
It's a bright red port wine stain birthmark. If you've ever seen that before, it's bright and it's red. And at eight years old, you don't wear makeup to cover it up.
Danielle Cobo: My son has one. got an angioma right on his head and it was
Barb Betts: raised. Yeah, thankfully mine did not progress to that, thank God, but you know what I'm talking about.
I had glasses. I wore glasses. And I had braces. And I had really, really, really thick, yes I did have a ton of hair before, and it was frizzy. And my mom didn't know how to make it look cute. So I wasn't, I an ugly child, because that's terrible to say about yourself, but Oh, I was.
Danielle Cobo: I was. I can't say I was an ugly duckling.
Absolutely. I was a
Barb Betts: target for the mean kids, But what I will say to you, Danielle, is I carried that with me into adulthood too. a thousand percent. it's why I used to wear makeup to go to the river. We'd go to the river and I'd put makeup on in front of my husband and his family.
Like, come on. And it's just because I was so uncomfortable. And what it comes from is it comes from fear. It comes from judgment. It comes from comparing yourselves to others who look different than you. And those are the things that I had to get over. But here's what helped me. And I don't know if this is going to help you, but by having this hair journey, by coming out publicly on social media, by deciding, you know what?
People know that my hair looks different underneath than it does on top. And also I became, an advocate and influencer for my hair company. So I create content for them. I'm an ambassador for them to inspire other women. And so in that content, I have to show up without my hair on sometimes so that they can understand that I really do have a hair problem.
And this isn't just like model that's putting on a wig. Like I am paid to show that I've got this. issue and so that women can relate. And so once I started doing that, what helped me was the feedback I got from others. What helped me was that people hand over fist the messages on social media of love and support from people I hadn't heard from in years, the amount of appointments that my husband will go on to our past clients in the real estate space.
And they'll be like, Oh my God. Barb is so inspiring. She inspired me to do X. She inspired me to finally admit that I've got to get this weight off. She inspired me to finally get the procedure on my face done to remove the mark that's been bothering me. Those messages... inspire me to show up without the hair and makeup on because I know it's helping others.
And for me, if I'm helping others, that's why I love to keynote speak. You know that, right? When you step on stage, do you not love the fact that you watch people's faces transform in the audience? Like you watch them from like, I wonder what this girl's going to say. And all of a sudden by the end, they're like feverishly writing down notes and they're mesmerized by you,
Danielle Cobo: I've got goosebumps all the way up and down my arms because I, and then I vision this exactly. This is exactly how I feel when I'm on stage and I see these faces light up and they're taking notes. it is the most rewarding experience when you get to be part of that transformation.
Barb Betts: Absolutely. And so to your point, I never envisioned that I would actually show up on social media without hair and makeup on.
I knew I wanted to come out publicly, but I did a post. I did a post of two pictures. I didn't come on social media without my hair on day one. That developed over time and it developed Danielle because of the feedback I got. And I'm like, you know what? If someone's got to inspire the world to show up differently, then maybe that's what I was put on this earth to do, is to help other women and men.
I used to think it was just about women, and I told my story at a table one day at group I'm a part of, and one of the guys, his name's Ed, he started crying. And he was like, you don't understand, this isn't just about women. You're changing my life. Telling your story right now, too. I've got something I need to talk about.
I've also learned Danielle. Sometimes it's about alcoholism. Sometimes it's about gambling. Sometimes it's about addictions and vices. You know, many messages I got privately after I shared this about people admitting to me that they had these vices. That are not healthy, that are detrimental to their family, and they were finally going to get help because they were finally ready to admit they had a problem.
So that's why I always say, what's your hair story? Everyone has one. And maybe it's just that you're tired of not dressing the way you want to dress. That you're tired of the job you're in because you know you really want to be doing something else, but it's not popular. Like you want to leave your teaching career because you're tired of it, but you're afraid to tell everybody that you hate teaching.
Like, it can be anything, and nothing against teachers out there. All my best friends are teachers, which is probably why I just mentioned teaching. Because I hear about it all the time, right? So I really think my encouragement to you is baby steps. And maybe one day, I don't know if you work out, maybe one day it's you just do a quick video of you running, or on your treadmill, or your peloton, like I ride the peloton every day.
Maybe it's just turning the camera around on yourself. And being like, Hey guys, this is how I start my day every day. And hi, raw Danielle. And just see what you get. People are going to be like, Oh my God, you're so beautiful. Oh my God, I love your skin. You know how many times I get that?
How do you have such great skin? I'm like, because I never let it see the sun when I was an adult. Cause I covered it up all the time. Like the real secret is I always had makeup on. Never let it see the sun. So, I would say just baby steps,
Danielle Cobo: but people are going, I'm going to accept this invitation.
So for the listeners out there, I'm going to accept this invitation. And when this episode airs. I am going to go on social media and as uncomfortable as this is going to be, I'm going to come on no makeup, no filter, authentic me. And I am going to show up and say, Hey, this is what I look like underneath all the makeup and the hair everything else that I do.
And this is really scary. And this is why it's scary for me. I didn't share this story before, but this is also another area where I received a lot of criticism for social media and ended up, I ended up hiding for several months and shutting my social media down. I had a colleague a couple of years ago that I was working with and it was during the time when Tik Tok started to get really popular and everybody was making these funny videos.
And it was during the pandemic and I was like, well, there's nothing else better to do. This is actually kind of brightening my day. Yeah. And so I was making these videos In a couple videos, I had my workout clothes on, so I was wearing a crop top, workout top, and, leggings, and it was when I was walking a lot, and I was actually really proud of my body because I was starting to get a six pack, and I was excited, and I remember hearing from another colleague saying, hey, I don't know how you're going to take this, or whether it's worth sharing, but there is somebody in the company that is really spreading hate about your social media and saying that it's inappropriate that you're posting this content and it's unprofessional and I don't know what you want to do with the information but I'm sharing it with you.
And I just was Devastated because doing these TikTok videos was a lot of fun to me. It was silly stuff that my husband and I were doing. The world was shut down. And I remember getting to the point where all I wanted to do was hide. And so I shut my social media down for three months, completely down.
And so there's this element of. Not only the childhood scars, but also this was only a couple years ago. But I'm going to take on this invitation and I'm going to show up. So for those of you listening, I'm going to This airs. It's going
Barb Betts: up. I'm so proud of you, and I'm going to hold you accountable to that, and, I will say something that has really, I've really grown in life, and I think some of this is just getting older, right, quite frankly, but, the only opinion, so what I've done is two things in my life, I've really created the mantra of the only opinion that matters is my own, of myself, because no one else knows your intention, your character, what you're going through, what you're walking through in that moment of life, but I also have created a space for a Super small circle of people that also can give me their opinion and I will listen and I know it comes from a place of love and that person that gave that opinion should not be in your inner circle and unless that opinion came from now, if your spouse said to you, Hey, Danielle, I don't think what you're showing is really authentically going to help you in your life or business, or it's not connecting to your brand or whatever it may be your business, then yeah, you should listen to that for sure.
If your spouse tells you that you're Hopefully they're in your inner circle. I mean, not for everybody, but, right. And then maybe, okay, if your boss came to you, like your direct boss and said something like that, maybe you need to take that into consideration. But another coworker who, frankly, most people's opinions when they're negative, it comes from jealousy.
90 percent of the time, someone else's opinion of you comes from jealousy. I love clothes more than anything in the world. I have a shopping problem. First one to admit it. And I've started sharing my outfits and stuff on social media. And some of my friends think it's too much. And they're like, Oh my God, there's Barb with another outfit on.
And what does she think she is an influencer now? I don't fucking care what you think. I like the outfit. think it's cute. I want to share it with other people. I have a lot of friends who don't know how to dress fashionably for work. So I'm going to show them what I'm wearing. Cause I get compliments on it all the time.
And if you don't like it, I always say tap on by. Tap on by. Just go by. but I will tell you, Danielle, all of this courage I'm talking about, all this grit I'm talking about, it all started with taking off the gosh dang mask of hair loss. That's where it all started. I was not this person three years ago.
I overthought everything. If someone told me what they told you, I would have shut down for three months too. I might have just shut down my whole social media completely. I would have been mortified. And I finally just said, I don't care anymore. You
Danielle Cobo: created this movement in which I believe is very inspiring.
And what would it look like if we created a movement from this episode and continued what you are creating right now? So my invitation to the listeners. Is number one. I'm going to show up on social media. No makeup hair, not done. I'm going to show up and you get to see the real authentic me.
Barb Betts: With your six pack, by the way, can I see the sports bra and the leggings in the six pack too?
no, I do not. have
Danielle Cobo: a six pack anymore. Well, your
Barb Betts: body, you got a rock. I can tell by your shoulders and your arms. Okay. I wish I had those arms. I mean, I could get them if I worked out every day with weights, but anyways, I also want to see how badass you are. in the areas where it's not about just showing the negatives.
It's also that damn girl. You got good legs. You should show it off in that dress. So I also want to see the good stuff
Danielle Cobo: too. Okay. I'm going to do this. I don't have a six pack. I'm a little, I'm wearing my comfy jeans these days, but I'll do it. And my invitation to you is, for you to do the same Barb. I want you to post on social media, tag me in it.
And then for those of you that are listening. we also invite you to do the same. So go on social media. Once you hear this episode, whatever your authentic self is, maybe you're hiding something. Maybe it's a birthmark. Maybe it's that your hair, you're starting different hair patterns that you have.
Maybe you've just never shown up without makeup. So if you're listening, our invitation to you to continue this movement. Is to show up on social media and to tag Barb and I in that tag. We will also create this movement together and I'll share it on my stories and let's inspire others to do the same. I love
Barb Betts: it.
I'm in maybe you and I go on Facebook or Instagram live that day. Oh yeah, authentically and promote this episode. So everyone follows along , and goes on their own and your journey is going to be yours. everyone's journey is different. That's what I want everyone to know in life is my journey is not your journey, but your journey is you.
And that's why it's special. So I love it. Let's do it.
Danielle Cobo: Such a good idea. Okay. So we're going to do it. And before we wrap up, where can our listeners find you? I know you have a podcast. So where can our listeners find you? I do have a
Barb Betts: podcast, Relationships Are Your Superpower, and it all begins, so the podcast is all about having.
Relationships with yourself, others, and in business because you cannot have a relationship with anyone in business and get referrals and all the things I teach and train on if you doesn't start with an authentic relationship with yourself. But where I love to hang out is Instagram. Instagram is my jam.
That's where you can follow and connect with me. I'm just at Barb Betts. Super easy to find. Two Bs in the middle. and I, share a lot. So if you really want to come along and see what an authentic journey looks like, come with me. I love just sharing my day, sharing what's going on in my life, and sharing, business strategies and tips for entrepreneurs.
but that's my favorite. That's my favorite. My jam is the gram. That's my favorite place to hang out.
Danielle Cobo: You've got some good one liners here. There's a lot of one liners that I'm going to pick up from this episode. I will include your links into the show notes. So for those of you that are listening, just open up the show notes.
Of course, that's where you can always find the bios of the guests, all of their links that are on there. And for those of you that are listening. Let's create this movement of authenticity and vulnerability and invite you to go ahead and post on social media what your authentic journey looks like and to share this episode with your friends, your colleagues, your family, because I bet you, you know, somebody out there who might be hiding a secret this episode can be the transformation in their life to ignite vulnerability and grit.
Thanks for tuning in.