Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: Our guest today, Eileen Noyes, formerly a part of the NFL world for over nine years, has experienced the ups and downs of the professional sports from entering in as a wife of an NFL high profile figure to exiting out of the game prior to her public divorce and cult involvement. Through her book, Sidelines No More, Aileen shares how she navigates through her unique circumstances while in the public eye.
Aileen also is the founder of Lady Bellator, supporting people who've lost their identity, their purpose, and their voice. Thank you for joining us today, Aileen.
Eileen Noyes: Thank you so much for having
Danielle Cobo: me, Danielle. I can only imagine what it must be like to be in a high profile position and to have the scrutiny of anything that you do with the eyes on you.
Right. And to not only... experience that, but to also in the public eye have people judge your decisions. Can you provide us some perspective as to what it's like to live in the public eye?
Eileen Noyes: we were in a small town, we were in Green Bay. And so, it's predominantly white.
And so as a Packers, everything is all about Packers over there. an interracial couple in the community. We had, at the time, six boys and a girl. And so there was always stares. I mean, whether people knew, which was rare, people knew him as a Packer or not. you just feel the stares and you can just know that's part of the territory.
And so I saw different women, interact in different ways. And so I saw. Some women get really frustrated as you're going out to and people are asking for autographs. And I just remember seeing, gosh, like, I have the ability to just either understand that it's part of the world and putting boundaries or getting flustered when, my husband decided to, sign an autograph or do things.
and I just remember looking at this one person, I was like, I don't want to do that. I don't want everybody to set my mood because. I can't control them. If they're going to come and they're going to say this and that or, ask for autographs or, you know, you read articles, it's you, you learn to have thick skin and at the same time navigate to have a tender heart going, okay, who is legit, who's really wanting to get to know us or who's really wanting to befriend us.
there's definitely a lot of dynamics, in that world. So.
Danielle Cobo: I do have a lot of friends that are in a high profile position in the public eye. And they've also shared that one of the challenges that they have is trusting and understanding who is in the right intentions of developing a connection and friendship from a good place in their heart versus.
Who is trying to develop the friendship with getting an outcome of something, and that would probably be really difficult in understanding the trust with
Eileen Noyes: people. Yeah. mean, there's definitely been times where, I'll always go, okay, you can sense, why is that person drawn to me?
And the interesting part is, there's a couple of them where I'll go. Okay. why is that still there? Or there's a persistence. there's been a couple of them who are really, really great friends of mine. And I've actually heard some people who we aren't as close. Like there there was some sort of like women's organization and someone had said, she was talking about how it took a long time for her to get to know me.
She was sad she regretted that she didn't really pursue it in the beginning because she thought, no, everybody's trying to vie for, her time. And so she was like getting to know her because we are kids to the same, you we were in the same school. So I was like, man, like, I wish I had really pursued getting to know her because we really would have clicked.
cause there's a lot of people that are sensitive, not everybody's just trying to like, get in your face. it takes a lot of discerning, but. you kind of just get used to it and it just comes with the territory. So something that I'm
Danielle Cobo: experiencing as I'm have more of a presence online is these messages that are coming in oftentimes from men.
And I really want to get to know you and hope you're having a great day. And I'm a little reserved in the sense of what are the intentions of that person? Because as you mentioned, setting some boundaries and saying, I am married. I have kids. I don't want to do anything that is going to jeopardize my marriage and the boundaries that my husband and I set to really protect our marriage.
And then at the same time is had this experience this morning where I didn't respond to a message. And then it became this, why don't you respond to the messages? And I don't understand this is so disrespectful. becomes this. I would say, aggressiveness sometimes. Yeah.
Eileen Noyes: Well, it's probably not the best person you want to, like, get in and really deal with, I guess.
No, definitely not. you know what? What's up with that? Like. There's been times where it's men. I'm like, okay, they know I'm married. Why it is fake names. Well, there was one that had messaged me and he said, your book keeps coming through my feed.
Talk to me about it. So I'm like, Hmm, you after a little bit. He's like, well, I'm doing this thing. It was in Dallas. And so, he sent me the website. It was actually, players. Cause he was like, look, this is, I want to help, athletes and their wives, promote their next thing.
And so here I'm like sending this link to my kids. Cause I'm like, is this legit? I have no idea who these players are now, but turns out he was very legit and he's actually helped me to network. So, sometimes you just gotta. give it a shot, give it a chance. AndI'm glad that I did that because he's a great guy and, and he's really helped me a lot to network.
So. Well, that's
Danielle Cobo: great. I'm glad that that turned out well and he was able to support you and your endeavors and helping support the book. Well, let's kind of dive in. You had gone through this high profile divorce and in the public eye, how did you navigate through some of those tough times? I because it's whether our listeners are going through a divorce or not, there's always going to be trials and tribulations that we go to.
And what advice would you have for them when they're going through tough times?
Eileen Noyes: well, let me start by saying in being in that situation being in the limelight. I definitely did not feel like I didn't want anything out in the open. I wanted to do this. I didn't want to be fake.
But I'm like, if gets out because not gonna lie, it was a pretty crazy situation. For two to three years, I was on my own. like, I actually facilitated this group called Life Skills. So it helped people with conflict resolution, anger management, learning how to love. And so here I'm this facilitator, but all of a sudden I'm seeing as, we're transitioning out of the game, the very things that we're implementing were just turning.
And it my spouse at the time, I just saw change in him and a lot of it had to do with transition out of the game. And so as I'm going through this, it's like, who can I turn to who can help me? I was dying inside and hardly anybody knew I just felt like I I was never good enough have eight kids, like I love being a mom.
I love serving. I I had a high maintenance husband, but I loved all that. But then when it was Scrutiny that I was never good enough that I was not submissive enough that I was rebellious because the house wasn't clean all these Things it's like the very thing that I loved and that brought me joy Was the thing that I literally wanted to kill myself, you And so I had to get to that point of going, you I need to reach out and I finally reached out to five women for a couple years We're just praying we were praying and fasting and thinking like okay this is gonna change And through that here, I'm thinking that the change was going to be in my husband at the time and that he would get out of this funk that he was in.
But God took those two to three to really, help me to learn who I was. I definitely clung to the Lord. I definitely, that was my anchor, but it was like, I became strong that hurtful words stopped penetrating. I just remember going, okay, he was addressing me one time, he was saying that I was rebellious and all these things.
And I said, you know, God sees me all the time. He knows me. He knows my heart. I said, if what you say does not fall in line with what he says. With all due respect, I'm not going to agree with it anymore I'm pretty laid back, I'm like one of those people, like, do whatever, I don't care, but if, there's a passion in me or if I feel very strongly about something.
That's when you hear it. And so all of a sudden it was like, Whoa, this laid back person is now standing up to me. And so I, that was the shift of, the lashing out at me per se in the situation that we're in. And I understood that I understood that dynamics was hard of him transitioning out.
it started turning toward the kids and other things. And it was like, okay, this is where The buck stops here. I we can't do this anymore. again, the weirdness, which I, rarely talk about unless people ask me is there was cult involvement. There was a, religious teaching that was all of a sudden, polygamy was okay.
it was,teaching where, you know, If you're a woman, you're, one, you're not creating the image of God. two, your salvation is contingent on your obedience to your spouse. Three, no makeup. I would have had to wear a head cover, a t shirt, long, skirt. And really it was just all about your purpose as a woman is to cook, to clean and have babies.
And really, that was it. thank God you didn't get to that point. But I mean, to, navigate through going, Oh, my gosh, I'm seeing this person that was not at all like that. All of a sudden, he's, different. Like, how do I do this? So, to answer your question, which is, long with,
Don't do this alone. You have to reach out I know for me and I don't know any other way. Honestly, I could not do it any other way is to anchor myself in God. And he was the one that, strengthened me and I could not have gone through this. I mean, I could have played victim.
I could have just endured knowing that. This would have set the tone for generations to come. And I knew I couldn't do that. I mean, I have seven boys. And so for them to know that, wait, that's not how you treat a woman. That's not who God is. for my daughter to go, no, that she is so much more than what.
they define as a woman is, I couldn't subject myself or none of my kids to that stuff. So it sounds like over
Danielle Cobo: time with the shift in viewpoint of what your life was supposed to be, how you were supposed to act, how are you supposed to show up? What were you were supposed to do was almost putting you in a powerless position.
covering yourself up, being specific as to what you can and can't wear, but what I'm hearing you say is you use that and saying, no, this is not okay. This is not the direction that I want to go for my life. And you stepped into your power. And you stepped into your power very strongly and having the faith, having the guidance of God and saying, Hey, this is how he views me.
Whether you view me like that or not, this is how he views me. And I'm going to step into my power and I'm going to look at what changes I can make to live a life through God.
Eileen Noyes: Yeah, I was hearing, from that. Well, one, as soon as he said, you're not creating the image of God,
people go, how did that happen? how were you guys even together? There was a time prior to all that teaching that we were so opposite, but we complimented each other. But then when that mindset was, you're not creating the image of God, then all of a sudden, the only thing I could be was basically like a clone.
him. And if I wasn't, then that's where, backlash and the rebellion came into play. So yeah, it was, definitely not an easy situation.
Danielle Cobo: Okay, so I want to take a little bit of a transition here. you have eight kids, which I'm a mom of six year old twins, and I feel overwhelmed a lot of the times juggling school and owning a business and traveling and kids, homework. I am just curious, how do you juggle? Being a powerful woman, an entrepreneur, an author, and eight kids.
Eileen Noyes: wasn't given to me all at once. I I've always felt this way, some people just meant to have different things. And I didn't think I wanted a lot of kids in the beginning, I can see how God, made my personality and, made me, walk into these situations.
I've learned that I've had skills or that God has given me skills that have just helped me. Like and I'm reflecting on this now because one big thing is, I like to break things in parts. I can't go in a situation to go, Oh my gosh, this is so much. or initially it starts out that way.
And I think, okay, process of elimination. How can I do this? So whether it be the kids. if they're all coming at me, cause sometimes it's like that, I'll have one start talking to me and then I'll have, the younger one that, needs something small. And so I'll go, okay.
In my mind, I'm like, what can I eliminate now? This one needs milk. Okay. And so I'll get the, Hey, I was talking to you first. Well, if you want to talk, talk, let's. Process of elimination. He's taking care of allows me to break down a situation, celebrate a victory in my mind.
Okay, got rid of that one. and it just kind of, calms me down. Or even as an entrepreneur, know, look, I'm looking at going. Oh my gosh, this is all new, like book. How do I market how I do these I have to fight those overwhelming things because that's what, we do to ourselves.
That's what the enemy tries to do is to overload us and clump everything and pile things up so that we just go, this is too much. I just pushed through that to just go, okay, what's this worse. So I have to put it in parts. And take care of those things that I can take care of. And so it is kind of like, know, you hear about these women, like you're in a room and you're cleaning this and then it's like, okay, I gotta get rid of that.
And you go somewhere else, but sometimes it does work for me that I just got to go, okay, what's on my plate. Let me get rid of that one. Well, this leads to this thing. In my mind, it's organizational chaos. I don't know. but for me, that's just, just learned do that.
And now, it takes early mornings. yeah, it takes, also delegating, you know, for me, I have a nanny, at first, especially in being that world, this is all the learning things or the things I've learned, being in the NFL and, you come into a lot of funds, I was a strength coach for a college and so I worked with hundreds of athletes every day.
And one day I moved to Green Bay and I know no one but my spouse and I don't have work anymore. And it's like, oh, my gosh, who am I? as I came into that, I had to learn things all over again.
at first, as I was getting more kids, my sole identity was just about I'm mom and that's me. So that means that I had to have an immaculate house. I needed to make sure I cleaned and, I couldn't delegate or relinquish things because I felt like, as I got more kids, I was spending hours and hours and hours cleaning the house, felt like, well, can pay someone.
To, come once a week or, twice a month or whatever. But it was so hard for me because I'm like, no, I'm supposed to do that. But then as I was really thinking about it going, wait, if I'm mom and wife, it's okay for me to say, you know what, let's go get someone to clean. So that I can spend time as a mom and as a wife.
So these are the different things that I'm just learning to do is, youit's okay to delegate that breakdown and process of elimination and kind of divided and conquer, I guess you could say.
Danielle Cobo: What I'm hearing you say is when you are a high achieving individual who also has a family life that is thriving and growing, a lot of what helps you be successful is prioritization.
And I can relate to this one because a lot of times there's all these goals that I have that I want to achieve and at the same time it can feel overwhelming and so sometimes that prioritization comes in and saying okay well this is my long term goal but what steps am I going to take to achieve that goal and then also how am I going to prioritize and so that's looking at the long term that's where that grit comes in and that passion that purpose and that resiliency is.
And then also breaking down and prioritizing each day. Sometimes we are really focused on our day, on our business and our career. And then sometimes throughout the day, we are highly focused on being a parent and a mom and a dad and whatever that role is that we play in life.
And then delegation. Absolutely. I can 100 percent agree with that because sometimes when you look at your day and doesn't make sense to spend when you're working hard towards your business or your career when you're dedicating all that time and we get such limited time with our family because they're at school or we're working our business.
Evaluating and saying, do I want to spend two to three hours cleaning my house or do I want to delegate that out so that I can spend two to three hours with my family? Exactly, yeah. I just, I always had a house cleaner because I hate cleaning my house, but I also just got in on having somebody do my grocery shopping through Shipt because I want to spend that time with my kids.
Eileen Noyes: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I was thinking, because I am a little plug. I am actually doing this devotional. It's my next project. and it has to do with Proverbs 31. that is like this ideal woman who does everything and, and I really got to give me like,
Really breaking it down. I'm like, wait, she has made servants. She doesn't do everything, so it kind of opened my eyes. Like, were meant to be community. We're supposed to help each other and help solve each other's problem. I can't do everything.
Even just setting up my website or, just the different things. It's like, I need someone to hold my hand. I need someone. do that, or I can just say, Hey, I don't know tech. I don't so that we're efficient with our time because time, just like money is, a commodity that, we don't want to waste.
So I think delegating is huge.
Danielle Cobo: Yeah, well, before we wrap up today's episode, I want to dive in a little bit to this identity and purpose, because what I'm hearing in your experience and your story is not only did you see your spouse transition out of the NFL and to this new chapter of their life and.
at the same point, kind of losing their identity. I see something very similar with the military as well. When your identity is tied to I'm in the military, my air, my identity is tied to, I am an NFL athlete. And then also you and searching your identity after your divorce, can you dive in a little bit and to share with our listeners, if they're experiencing a period in their life where they're, Feel lost, feel like they don't have an identity or sense of purpose.
What advice would you give to them?
Eileen Noyes: again, I would say, there's a true identity. Like we are treated by a creator. He's like the manufacturer, you know? And so if you're dealing with whatever, like a computer, let's say, if I have a Mac, I'm not going to go to, IBM or all these other things.
He's To find instructions, you and so as I say that in a relation to like me, just for example, in my world, and I'm sure deal with it too, there's the stereotypes, there's a you're supposed to look like this from the outside world from the fans, from other women. you're supposed to dress like this.
you're not good enough if you don't look like this from your spouse, so you have all these, you can call 'em hats, you can call 'em judgements. I, so I say that it sounds cliche, but when understand that you are fully love, fully accepted, fully value, he created me for a purpose when I got really anchored in that and understanding that even though I saw myself.
I can disqualify myself and I remember you saying that I was listening to something that you were saying before, but so many times we disqualify ourselves because of the trials and the struggles that we've gone through, but those are the very things that have made us stronger, more resilient, needed.
Yeah. To help the very people that are going through those things. And so I look at that going, wow, Lord, I am anchored as a daughter, as a bride, and as a friend, those will not change to you. And now I can be who I'm called to be for other people, because all those other things, they just don't penetrate.
You and when you've gone through something crazy, like how another woman looks at me and thinks that I, don't look good enough or all those things that I was worried about and preoccupied with before. that does not matter at all, in the grand scheme of things.
And so, um, To see where I'm at, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm thankful. I know it's hard. It was hard. but man, like, I know I'm better for it. And I know that, um, God's going to be faithful to get my kids through it. I know that I have purpose in it. God's given me a gift. It's not prideful to go. Yeah. If God has given me that gift, I'm going to use it and I'm going to hone it and I'm going to get better. And it's okay to say, yeah, this is what he's called me to do and to be
Danielle Cobo: we have a choice to either be powerless in the trials and tribulations that we experience in life. We have a choice to either be powerless or to step into our purpose, to step into our power, to look at the trials and tribulations that we've gone through and the challenges and the difficult times and say, this is shaping me into the person that I'm meant to be tomorrow.
This is shaping me and providing me the tools to step into my power. And like you, I know that when I have gone through challenges in my life, what has kept me going is my faith. And I've always been in those situations where it's really challenging. I've prayed and said, God, close the doors. To redirect me to the purpose that you have called me to be and God open the doors that you want me to walk through and having that faith over the fear of what is happening to me versus how is this shaping me into his purpose.
Eileen Noyes: Yeah, that's awesome. so good. Yeah.
Danielle Cobo: where can our listeners, find you and connect with you and then also your
Eileen Noyes: book. I am on Facebook, Eileen Noise. I am on Instagram also. my book on Amazon. sideline No More is the title. I am getting the audio done, so I know it's big, so I'm excited about that.
So it should be done in a couple weeks. I am offering the first two chapters, of my book so you guys can read it. So that is, aileen noise. mykajabi. com. I'm sure that hopefully you can get that, um, out there.
But, um, yeah, that's, how you can reach me.
Danielle Cobo: we'll go ahead and include that link into the show notes. So all you gotta do is open up the show notes and that link will be there so that you can download those first two chapters and dive in the sidelines. No more. Well, thanks for joining the podcast.
Really appreciate our conversations and the guidance that you've shared with our listeners.
Eileen Noyes: Thank you so much for having me.
Danielle Cobo: Well, for those that are listening, if you enjoyed today's episode, I invite you to share this with your friends, your families, your colleagues, and write a review as well.
If you go ahead and send me a screenshot of your review, then we will also send you some goodies in your inbox to help you be unstoppable, ignite transformation and develop the grit and resilience to achieve your goals. Thanks for tuning in.