Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Danielle Cobo: Have you ever stood at a crossroads staring down two different paths, each with the challenges yet with opportunities, maybe you're feeling stuck in a job that doesn't resonate with your values, or perhaps you're considering a massive pivot, but are haunted by the fear of failure. You're not alone. Life rarely has a neat and clean narrative.
Usually it's messy field with uncomfortable decisions that test us, but guess what? These are the moments that define us. These are the moments where grit isn't just a nice to have. It's an absolute necessity. Today, I have someone with me who exemplifies grit and resilience in a way that will make you rethink what's possible.
Her story is a testament to the power of aligning your life with your values. Even when that means making brutally hard decisions. Meet Allison Wheeler, CEO, high performance business coach, Amazon bestselling author, and a pro athlete. Allison has faced a messy ending after a 13 year journey in a business, leaving behind stability and comfort because it's no longer aligned with her values.
starting from scratch was just a choice, a daunting one, but she made it with conviction and courage. If you're grappling with your own difficult choices. Feeling like your growth has plateaued, or if you're at odds with the echoes of your current role, stick around. Allison is a powerful focused straight shooter.
Who's going to share her insights on how to build a high performing and fulfilling life. Thank you so much for joining today, Allison.
Alison Wheeler: it's my absolute pleasure to be here. I'm very excited for the episode. Thank you.
Danielle Cobo: Well, I'm excited to have you on and I just really want to dive in right here because you left the business after 13 years, which is a lifetime in the corporate world.
When was that exact moment when you realized that staying would cost you more in terms of your values and soul than the courage to leave? Because I would imagine that would probably be very
Alison Wheeler: scary. petrifying would probably be the correct word. Yes, very, very scary. look, there were two points actually.
one, the pandemic, really stopped me in my tracks and it did a lot of people. Right. So that point where. Because within that business, part of what we did, we did a lot of events. So that was it. We couldn't run them anymore. So what that, apart from the standard, stuck to new tracks by the pandemic in terms of, not being able to move places, having to work from home, you know, all of those things, what that allowed me to do though was pause for a moment and realize that I was ignoring something inside that was there anyway.
I thought, I can outwork this.I can push through this. I can do it anyway. It's just me. There must just be something that I need to fix, need to fix me or I need to fix something. I didn't stop enough. I was so hungry to achieve the goal that I wasn't stopping to listen
to that little bit of malalignment, right? And it would come out in all sorts of different ways. So that was one. The other one was when my daughter walked into my office one day and said, Mommy, why are you angry all of the time? Ouch.
Danielle Cobo: that is gut wrenching. that is hard to hear.
And I believe that sometimes our kids can be the best reflection in mirror as to what's really going on. Not what we perceive, maybe what we ignore, but sometimes our kids can see things in us That we may not see in ourselves, and they are sometimes the reality check what's going on and where we get to course correct.
Alison Wheeler: A hundred percent. Like literally you could have ripped my heart out and jumped up and down on top of it because that is not one. It's not why I started the business I started it to have more time and to be a better mom and be more present and provide the life that we wanted, but it had become all consuming.
six days a week, 12 hour days plus, and something that I could never put down and walk away from within the structure that it was. and that's how I chose to run it, but that was how it needed to be run to achieve the results that I wanted to. So, Very challenging time.
I was frustrated and annoyed, because it put so much work into, to this thing that I built and I thought was going to be the thing I did forever. And, wonderful, great, but to realize it wasn't. And I was aligned with the wrong vehicle. I'd also done, you know, in my reflection time, and trying to work it all out.
I'd achieved everything. There was no more growth. I'd tapped the vehicle out. I'd done everything I could. I truly believe, Danielle, we're meant to grow. We're not meant to stay still or stagnant. And we do become problematic when we do to ourselves or to the people around us, to the organization we're with.
Whatever that is, we will create a problem. So we have something to do. And I would much prefer to Create problems that I want not to create problems for the sake of something to do, you know, and like I burnt myself out because there was just this constant battle between my values and then what I needed to portray as the values of the company and the business and the ethos.
They were not the same.
Danielle Cobo: Okay. So I want to dive into something real quick here because a lot of times we believe that resilience. Is to just keep pushing through and I don't believe that that's what resilience is. I believe that resilience is taking a step and looking at what's working, what's not working.
How does this align with our core values? Does it align with what we want to do? And then pivoting when setbacks occur and continue going. It is not pushing through. And I want to dive into this. elaborate on what you mean by creating? Good problems. Versus negative problems.
What is a good problem?
Alison Wheeler: Yeah, look, a hundred percent. I think that, depending on your belief system, and what you choose to believe, I choose to believe that I create my life, and I create what's happening in it, whether that be through what I choose to do or what I choose not to do,
Both have consequences. So in terms of creating a negative problem for me, creating a negative problem from that was I created burnout in myself. I created that where that's a negative problem. Like that's a, not a great problem to be creating. A good problem might be that I created a team so large that I had to suddenly upskill my leadership ability because I didn't know what to do.
so still it's a problem. That's a problem too. I don't have the skills. I don't know how to handle this. And you could back away from both of those problems. Both of those problems need solutions. would much rather step into a problem that causes me to grow than, than
Danielle Cobo: Okay, so what would you say to the people that disagree with you and they say, you just shared with me that I create the burnout. What would you say to those individuals that disagree with that statement? Oh,
Alison Wheeler: I'm sure that that does not resonate with everybody, and that's okay, right? Like everyone has to follow my belief system.
It's what works for me. the reason I follow that, the philosophy of I create it means that I can solve it or I can then solve or then find the solution. The problem with believing in my opinion, the problem with believing that you don't create it. Is you then don't feel like you are the focal point for being able to resolve it or find the solution.
Now, does that mean you don't ask for help or you don't find experts in the area to help you? No, that's not what I mean at all. It means you're actually more hungry to do so because you're driving the solution. So, in my Previous occupation, we would call that locus of control. So you're either going to place that with yourself or you're going to give it away to someone else.
And I just don't believe, I think to stay within your powerful self, then keeping the locus of control with yourself is essential. And that means also when you are. Even when you choose to work with individual. So let's say, from my experience, when I had burnout, I had to consult health professionals.
I needed extra additional support, but I also made sure that any of the recommendations or the advice that I was given, I just did not follow that blindly. I ran that through my filters. I ran that through my values. because there are certain things that I will or will not do because they don't resonate for me or they're not right for me.
Like if someone had said, Oh, you've got to take six months off work or six months from what you're doing and do nothing. That might work for some individuals, but that would be more detrimental to my mental health. Like me knowing me, then, so might I slow my recovery down in some ways because I wasn't going to take six months off?
Maybe. But I also knew that I would lengthen it exponentially by taking six months off because of the detriment to my mental health. So running, keeping that locus of control and that belief allows me to move forward in a way that. Things are of my choosing, even when I'm consulting, even when I'm utilizing external help.
Danielle Cobo: When we take ownership that we are in control of creating our burnout, then we take ownership and control of finding the solutions to take ourself out of burnout. Versus saying I've just a result of burnout. No, I've created the burnout. I take ownership in the burnout. And I also get to be part of the solutions of overcoming the burnout.
And whether that's getting support from a psychologist whether it means bringing on additional resources within our business, or it means having that difficult conversation with your manager and saying, I am burnt out. And I would like your guidance and support and helping me remove some of these obstacles that are creating the burnout and provide some suggested solutions so that I can move forward.
And I agree with you there. was one time I started working full time when I was 16 years old. I started working when I was 14, making 4. 75 an hour. Then when I was 16, started working full time and I've worked full time ever since I was 16, with the exception of a 2020. And I remember taking a couple months off, but like you, I then realized that.
I have a difficult time just relaxing. That actually could be counterintuitive for me. I ended up just shifting my to do's or shifting where I was focusing my energy instead of being in the corporate world or starting the business, I was shifting that energy and adding more onto my plate. Painting Christmas decorations, because it's my favorite holiday, so I just spent hours upon hours, creating Christmas decorations.
So I was, creating a burnout, but in a different way, which is also interesting. a
Alison Wheeler: hundred percent, because I think, if you're not taking ownership and don't truly understand, understand yourself as well, you will repeat. And, like you, I deal with a lot of people who experienced.
I'm going to create it again. What if I create it again? And it's like, yeah, but if you take full ownership of the fact, you created it in the first place and take full ownership of the solutions and a greater understanding of yourself and make those things like, for example, you like being busy. So I like feeling productive.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a productive individual, and you know, and I know we will just redirect
Danielle Cobo: it somewhere else.
Alison Wheeler: How do we repurpose that productivity and ensure that we are? So filling
Danielle Cobo: that cup of
Alison Wheeler: productivity, so it doesn't become detrimental to ourselves, but then also make sure that that productivity is in a values alignment, because I think one surefire way to hit burnout is to be in doing things that are out of alignment.
with your value system. So a lot
Danielle Cobo: of times we talk about values. And in fact, in my upcoming book, unstoppable grid, there are some exercises that take people through how to identify what their values are so that it does align with the choices that they are making in their professional and personal life.
And any of these decisions that they're making and saying, how does it align with my core values and helping them take it out of burnout as well as. putting together a plan and saying, what do I want this next phase of my life to be? Or how do I want to apply this and always use my values as my alignment and my direction and my compass?
But what I want to ask you is, how did you know what your values were? how did you go through a self discovery to say, okay, these are my core values. This is what I'm going to use as my, barometer to any decisions that I make in the future.
Alison Wheeler: I actually stopped and took the time to do it because often we, can know, but not have articulated it because we've never stopped to look at it.
And I think the way I did it, I started with the list of things that I knew they weren't. Because that was easy for me to identify, right? So sometimes it's easy to identify all the things you don't want in your life before you can identify the things that you do. So that, I sort of started like, I knew it wasn't, these things were not important to me.
It's very glaringly obvious. These are not my values. Okay. So then, I went through an exercise with myself and I looked at, well, how do I spend my time? what do I look at? sandpaper, right? Like something's rubbing the wrong way internally, but what about, what is that?
What is that that isn't feeling right? Because there's something there. And what's the word I would use for that? And then I just. I wrote out a list, Brene Brown's got great lists too, I'm sure you've read hers too, right? Like, so I was like, okay, let me find some extra words here. picked, three or four.
Well, I picked five initially. And then I... Decide, okay, I'm going to go through an exercise of living to these values that I've chosen for the next week and see how they feel, see how they fit. And that allowed me to change the order of them a little bit. Some got swapped out because it's like, yeah, not quite that.
And so for one of a better word from narrowing it down then to actually wearing it and living it in real time in reaction, because it's great to say these are all your values, but. Are they? to live them real time I think is an important part so that you know they really, really are. and sometimes that requires an adjustment and what they were 10 years ago may very well not be what they are now or the order of importance has changed because I think there's also an order in your core values as well.
Danielle Cobo: So for our listeners out there, I've got some exercises and activities where I do provide our listeners when they do pre order my book, Unstoppable Grit, there's actually some workbooks that take people through these exercise and provide the list of values so that they can go through. And there's some specific instructions to help you narrow it down because there's a list of over a hundred values.
It's helpful to have some guidance on how to break that down. But what was something interesting that you said? And this is different than what most people will say is it's the sandpaper effect of checking what your core values are. A lot of times people will say, Oh, just circle what resonates with you, but you take a different approach and say, when does something not feel right with me?
And it's that sandpaper, which is an interesting perspective. Yeah,
Alison Wheeler: because what I've found in working for myself and working with a lot of people is, and particularly for women, is we can think what we, supposed to be, be the good girl, there's so many,Cultural reasonings and justifications, and this is what success is supposed to look like.
There's so much confusion and then not enough allowance for yourself to allow yourself to one, be yourself, to be your own value system. So. That's why I think the sandpaper effect is important because we can go through a list like that, right? And, I've done this before. I think it's all of these things.
That is not my list of what I think success is or it's what I think Other people think it should be for me or what I've been told it is for me and say, well, that's not working, but why is that not like, it's literally harsh. It feels harsh, right? Whereas as opposed to value should feel like a silk robe, like smooth and comfortable and resonate.
And then. Like she sent me high, right? He talks about flow. If people haven't heard of him before, great guy. Doesn't he talk beautiful book, And he talks about flow. And I, to me, that's like how your values are. It should flow through you and out of you, not be something that you even really, once you've identified them, it should be like, Oh, that makes sense.
Danielle Cobo: that absolutely makes sense. And it's in those, moments where it doesn't feel right. And I agree with you in this sense that there's, Especially with the rise of social media, we've, always had a narrative that has told us what success looks like, and it happens through movies, it happens through magazines, it happens through the news, and now with social media, it is in our face all the time of, this is what success looks like, and it's gotten to the point Where people are leading with, do you want to be successful?
This is what it takes. Do you want to be successful? This is what it is. And success means different for everybody. And it's my version of success may be different than your version of success may be different than one of our listeners versions of success. And it's important to sit down and identify what is your version of success.
This is actually another, section in the book and some activities of looking at what narratives have we grown up with and that has shaped what our narrative is success and then how to rewrite that narrative and define what success is on your own terms. So this is actually an exercise in the book as well and correlating with those core values.
Yeah,
Alison Wheeler: and look, valuable exercise. Glad you've put it in your book. Because how often have you found, and certainly I've found, what are your goals? I want to be successful. Okay, great. How are you going to measure that? What does that even mean? Right? And unless... You, an individual stops for a moment and defines what that means, not what is the dictionary definition.
what does that mean for you as an individual? Because that's your measuring stick, what are you measuring something against? And if you don't know what it is, how do you even know if you're moving towards it? Or are you moving away from it if you don't know what it is? So it's so important to define, I agree with you, define what success means to you as an individual, what that means in your life, what does that look like for you?
Because it is different for everybody. And I agree with you, there is this, whole, push at the moment around six, also success being fast, really? That has not been my experience. Far, well, fast compared to what, So for some people looking at my life, they would probably say, holy, you've had a lot of success very quickly.
Great. but they don't see behind the scenes and just how much work that takes. So is it fast? Or am I just prepared to probably put in more work than most other people? Yeah, right. So it's all Relative, but the problem with social media is people, one, they're just showing you the highlight reel, but not necessarily.
And they don't always, what I have seen is, explain the starting phase, explain the change phase. It's just the end phase, right? And then going back and looking at where you, but did you do that in the beginning? No, Actually, you didn't at all. It was ugly. It was hard. Change is hard, right? Change is uncomfortable and change is hard.
And most people don't want to do it. I didn't, I would have rather stayed where I was sort of, but not at the same time. not many people are going, woohoo I love change, but nothing, as you know, nothing happens in our comfort zone. So it's that. Am I going to choose the change, like either way, I'm going to be uncomfortable in my life to some degree.
Particularly if you're striving for other goals. So am I going to sit in the uncomfortable of comfort? Because it's uncomfortable anyway, particularly if it's not what you want. Or am I going to choose to be uncomfortable creating what I want? Well, all day long I would rather be uncomfortable creating what I want, or at least attempting to, and going for it, than uncomfortable in a life not of my choosing.
Danielle Cobo: a lot of people will look at success and I've, I've heard this before where people will say, well, look at the success that you've had leaving corporate and building this business. And say, yes, I believe there has been a lot of success. I've been able to accomplish a lot. since leaving corporate two and a half years ago.
With that said, it has not been an easy journey. There's been a lot of self doubt. There's been a lot of fear leaving the corporate world and a steady paycheck and 401k and stock options and company car. There was a lot to walk away from, and it was uncomfortable and it was scary and it still is scary sometimes.
And that's where a lot of people, what they see on the outside is they see. The step 10, they see you where it is now, but they don't see the journey along the way of what's happened behind the scenes. The late nights, the countless hours, the times where I've broken down in tears sometimes, because that's not happening in the moment that I want it to happen.
Because again, we look at social media and it's so fast paced, but no one's really showing behind the scenes. Of how difficult it is to start a business or to climb the corporate ladder or you're in a leadership role for the first time and how uncomfortable that is in the beginning and how it takes time to learn to be an authentic leader that makes a positive impact.
That takes time. It doesn't happen
Alison Wheeler: overnight. Absolutely not. And also I think too that we have an expectation that the fear will go away because that's what's also portrayed. I'm not sure about you, Danielle, but I have not ever had that experience. I'm still waiting. I am still waiting. I am still waiting, right, but.
Yes. It's like the book feel the Fear and do it Anyway, because you learn to live with it. You learn to roll with, you learn to understand that it's an indicator that you're changing. It's an indicator that you're moving, right? it's not an indicator to go, Don't do that, because it's so often out of past stories or past failures.
It's not. It's a prediction mechanism that is,
Danielle Cobo: So I have to admit, I had this week, I'm going through the final stages of the book and the internal design. And as you know, from writing a book, it is a labor of love. There is a lot that goes into it. And I remember looking at my husband and I just, I had this anxiety deep down inside and I was stressed and I was looking at him and saying, I'm nervous.
I'm anxious and I'm nervous. my husband has not read the book yet because there's a lot of stories that are in there that I haven't even shared with him. And I've been married to him for 10 years. I've known him for 20 years, but I really wanted to make sure that I laid my heart out all the way and not.
If I, got the noise from other people, I was fearful that I wouldn't share those stories. and now it's getting to the point where it's being published and I'm going, should I have shared that story? Should I have, this is a pretty raw moment in my life. But then it's always going back to that fear is that's where the growth happens.
And at the end of the day, one of my core values is impact. And if this book impacts one, just one person's life and helps them transform their life for the better, then it is worth it. And having that as the barometer for the decision to put this out for the alignment with the core value.
Congratulations.
Alison Wheeler: And it is scary, right? Because your words are now going to be stuck on a paper forever. and it's like, will people think? How will you be judged? But I always say to people, you're getting judged anyway. That's true. I mean, you're going to, whether you, no matter what you can sit, you can walk outside, someone will judge you, walk down the street, someone's going to judge you.
So be judged doing something that means something to you.
Danielle Cobo: I rather be judged because I'm putting something out there and I'm trying and I hopefully changing somebody's life than being judged for being stagnant. And what I've often found is the people that judge you are the people that are unwilling.
Are too scared to take the steps into the uncomfortable zone that you are willing to take.
Alison Wheeler: a hundred percent resonate with that. Absolutely. The naysayers, the people that want to pull you back or criticize you, they're more fearful than you are. it's just a reflection of, in a projection of their own internal dialogue.
It's good. Nothing. Those words are not for you. They are purely coming out of their mouth based off them. And it's like, Interesting. That's why I always say, I'm like, interesting and throw it through to the gatekeeper, right? It's like, yep, that's not for me. Acknowledge them because they don't want to make the person wrong because that just makes it worse.
Right? And then they're just going to go even further and harder. So it's like, okay, I understand. And I'm continuing anyway. So that acknowledge they're entitled, someone else is entitled to their opinion, but their opinion is not
Danielle Cobo: for me. It's acknowledge their comment. What they share with you, ask yourself, is this a trusting relationship?
Do they have your best intention in mind? And if they don't, then I believe taking in that information, you get to take it in and determine does this serve me or not, or if they do have your best interest in mind. Then dig deeper and ask, will you elaborate a little bit on this? I'd like to understand your perspective a little bit because maybe it is a blind side that we don't know.
Maybe it's not, but be open to the conversation when you know that it's a trusting relationship and they have your best interest at heart. So before we wrap up, where can our listeners find you in your book? Because you have a book that's out there as well.
Alison Wheeler: I do, so my book is called, Living from the Inside Out, How to be a Powerful or Modern Day Wonder Woman.
and they can find that on Amazon, definitely is on Amazon available, particularly if you're outside of Australia or New Zealand, and also on my website, which is thealisonwheeler. com.
Danielle Cobo: So we'll be sure to include those links into the show notes. So if you're listening to this episode, go to the show notes, those links will be in there.
So you can purchase Alison's book and live from the inside and really as we're going through and ensure that you're a work, you are aligning your life with your values. So thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate it, Alison.
Alison Wheeler: Thanks so much for having me on. I really enjoyed the conversation.
Well, for
Danielle Cobo: those of you listening, if you feel like this episode resonated with you, please leave a comment, write a review. that's how the unstoppable grit podcast gets shared more on apples and Spotify. And then share this episode with your friends, your families, and colleagues, because I bet you there's somebody, you know, in your life where this.
Can help transform their life and be unstoppable. So thanks for tuning in and be unstoppable and see you next week.