Episode 2: Piece of Me

If you're currently in crisis, you can call one eight hundred to seven three talk that's eight two five five, or text the word hello to seven for one seven for one to speak to someone immediately. Thank you for listening, and I guess why that's me and Alex singing Britney Spears as Womanizer. In two thousand nine, were on a farm in Michigan, out of the city to clear our heads. We had spent the weekend hiking, getting high, cooking, and having a sit down meal. More than anything, there was

just a lot of laying around. In the exhausting years I spent racing to earn a master's degree, that trip stands out as a rare stretch of time where I did almost nothing at all. One afternoon, Alex and I wandered into a bedroom in the farmhouse, where we came across an old pump organ of some sort. I laid down on the bed while he took a seat at the keys and started playing womanizer, or at least an

approximation of it. You you got to go in. After Alex died, one of the friends who was on that trip with us went looking for footage of this moment, eventually finding it in her ex's Facebook archives. She sent it to me and we reminisced about what a special trip that was and how spending time with Alex had changed us both. This episode, I want you to get to know Alex a bit more and meet some of the people who were transformed by his presence in their lives. To know him is to know a bit of each

of us. What happens when you lose someone so close to you that you can trace the ways they shaped your life, your personality, and what are you supposed to do when they leave behind a trail for you to follow. I'm Chris Studman and this is unread episode two piece of Me. Call them back all the little clean open dread that Stills sent for you back. Yeah, Sandy, Eva,

I said, be scared, stared breaking. While singing Womanizer Alex and I intentionally pitched our voices down as a contrast to Britney's higher voice in the song and to match the bizarre flat way he was playing the organ. But lowering my voice comes naturally to me as a closeted queer kid, I trained myself to speak deeper than I naturally would. Growing up, I've been loud and talkative, but when I realized that flamboyance might give away my queerness,

I went quiet. Suddenly, hyper attuned to how I was being perceived at all times, I started pitching myself down in voice and temperament. I began coming out as a teenager, first to Internet strangers, then my mom, then friends. As the circle widened, I let my guard down bit by bit, bringing the parts of myself I had tucked away back into the light. Still, the habit of hiding had become so instinctual, so built into the fabric of who I was, that I kept making myself smaller in ways I wasn't

always aware of, including my speech. Here. I am as a teenager when I appeared in a documentary film about a summer camp for lgbt Q teens. I'd gone through puberty at this point, but you can hear the intentionally layered bush nous of my tone. It seems to me like some people are getting the wrong impression about me. I mean, you know, people may notice that I act. I don't know the word that some of them uses

goofy a lot, because you know, I like to have fun. Um, and maybe it is acting stupid, but I do like to be stupid down and then too. Um. Anyway, I know I'm rambling, but my point is, Um, I think some people have gotten the wrong impression of me, and that does blug me a little bit because I don't like people to think differently about me, because I can be really serious at times and I know that, you know, I just basically, I just want to be myself. So

hopefully that's coming across right. This defensive diet tribe is funny, but I WinCE hearing it now. I grew up thinking that presenting a polished version of myself would keep me safe. That's, seeming smart or accomplished rather than irresponsible or carefree, was key to survival. I was terrified that because I was letting go and having fun at camp. People wouldn't see me as serious or thoughtful, or of any value at all.

I can hear the fear in my voice in that documentary, still low, even though I've been out of the closet for years by that point, A fear of people seeing my unrestrained self of being too much. We all self monitor and compartmentalize. Every one of us edits curates, tucks away certain parts of ourselves, and tries to show a more controlled self image to the world, especially online. Still, sometimes we perform a certain kind of self because we want to, and other times we do it because we

feel we have to. For a lot of my life it felt necessary to present a team er version of myself to the world. I learned to hide, and hiding became habit. But then I met Alex. How are a little from on our little postre? How don't for us to throw off its coat and to talk more? Because Alex was hard to miss, six ft four, always in a T shirt, hair never styled. He looked wild like Bigfoot.

If Bigfoot was sensitive, gay and love to quote Britney lyrics, he could be just as elusive to He'd lose a whole day in internet forms, and the next he'd be off getting lost in a national park. He was restless and impulsive. He once suggested we go on an impromptu camping trip, and after driving for hours without being able to find an open campsite anywhere, said we should just go back to my place and watch Shakira she Wolf

music video on repeat instead. Another time, he set up sleeping bags on the roof of his mom's house for us because the temperature was perfect that night, and he said he never slept at an angle before. When Alex and I met on Okay Cupid, I was living on the South side of Chicago working on a masters in religion, and he was living with his mom and sister up in Skokie, a suburb just northwest of the city. At first, we kind of sort of dated, but romance quickly turned

to friendship. Then about a year after we met, I was off to the East Coast chase a job at Harvard. Within a couple of years, he left Chicago to following his compass out west. Alex and I both moved around a lot over our decade of friendship, though for different reasons. I pretty much always moved for some new, better job. Well, he would pick up and move whenever whim struck. Here's a voicemail he left me in. Sorry I've been like

you know whatever. But first of all, I was a new microphone now and no one ever returned phone calls or ever names out so and lay little bitch now. He wasn't flaky, but he was a restless spirit, forever on the move. But wherever he was going, whether it was a road trip to try some new roller coaster or an impulsive amateur storm chase, it was always with a deep sense of self intact tornado chasing in East Colorado and a tornado just hit the ground fifteen miles away.

I'm excited. I'm a big boy, I'm a scientist, I'm a meteorologies. In Alex, I found a person who was singularly true to his nature, someone who, despite the world's best attempts to make him feel like he was too intense, seemed considerably less worried about how he was coming across or proving his worthiness than I was. Alex didn't care about all the ways I hid. He didn't love me because of how busy I was, or because I seemed smart, but because of who I was. The person he saw

behind the facade around Alex. I didn't have to pitch my voice down unless I wanted to. For fun made them Let's go back to the evening. I got Alex's goodbye email in December Chris listen. He began, I am writing to let you know that when you receive this scheduled email, I will no longer be alive. He explained that his depression had gotten so bad that he was in too much pain and felt he needed to, as he put it, opt out. Then he started talking about

our friendship. Words fail me these days, he said. All I want to say is how much I love you and cherish everything about you. I'm sorry I lost touch with you. If only I could explain, it's just words, words, words, too many words. I hope you understand you are one of the best people I've ever known. I don't know how else to say it. It's very get naked, I got a plan or quicksand and yes, that last line was Britney song titles. Again. I know, I'm so lucky

to have this email. When Alex died, I was plagued by worry that I hadn't been supportive enough, but he offered me the profound gift of putting into words what I had meant to him. He did this for others too. From what I've been able to gather, Alex sent out at least a dozen emails to friends and family, and also left a note saying there were many others he couldn't summon the ability to write notes too, but who

he wanted to know. We're loved to. Each of us who did get an email got a piece of what felt like a disjointed story tailored to our connection with him. It was like Alex's last act was to disperse little fragments of himself across the world, and we could only piece together the full story by finding one another. First, an email thread began with all of us who got notes,

where we swapped stories about Alex. Then a smaller crew started a group chat, almost by accident, initially to coordinate around planning a meet up in California and share some updates on Alex's memorial in Chicago, where his mom lives. Before long, the six of us in this group chat, we're talking so often that we gave ourselves a name

Team Thor Daniels, a pseudonym Alex sometimes used online. I want to offer some of their pieces of Alex's story with you, the ways he helped them find their voice too. There's Bath. She was on the phone with a friend when she got her email. I was like, I think my friend just killed himself. And he's like, what, oh my god, Okay, do you need to go or can I help you? I was like, I think I just need to go. So I'm in my backyard here in front of my garage and I just respond right away

like Alex, wait, call me. I want you to stay. And I said I love you and I always will. I just said thank you for bringing you. Um, he made my life better. Alex once introduced me in Bath over Twitter because we were his two blue check friends. Well, my check is questionable. Beth is legit famous and for good reason. Like Alex, she's thoughtful, empathetic, but perhaps above all else, a comedic genius. A couple of months after Alex died, Beth came to my city to film a

comedy special for HBO Max. It's called Girl Daddy. You should definitely watch it. And I'm also not on birth control because sometimes birth control is like I know you're hungry, but what if you cried. She dedicated the special to Alex, whose free spirited nous influenced so much of her approach to humor. He really was he was sort of already out of this world before he left this world. And that sounds maybe cheesy, but in death people can be

made to seem like greater than they are. But really I think it's just more looking back and analyzing how great he really was. Like he really just was, I mean, someone I still would like to be more like. And I wish I absorbed more about while he was here. But when you were around him, you got to act that way, you know, or feel a little bit of it. Um just the fully not afraid to be yourself. I just I mean, it sounds silly to say I envy it,

but yeah. There's James, who, like me, also met Alex on a dating app, and the photo that he had was him like outside with like kind of a douchey smile in a backwards hat, but there's also like a

cat on his shoulder, and I was like, okay. I remember clicking on his Instagram account and like seeing a lot of shots of him like just outdoors, and like it seemed very like kind of posed and very like mask for mask, but then like interspersed with that would be like bizarre images of Britney spears and just like all this random stuff thrown in, which I mean at the time was like I think that's kind of what made me intrigue to like talk to him, because he wasn't.

It's like some dude, I knew nothing of James before Alex died, but I get why Alex messaged him. He's cute, funny, so sweet and supportive. As I started looking for Alice, James became one of my biggest cheerleaders, and like Alex, he always did it in a teasing way that kept me from taking any of it too seriously. I think Alex did for him too. There's so many people that he connected with online that don't have any relationship to

each other. Like, no, I'm really glad you mentioned that, because, like, yeah, in the months after Alex died, I was like randomly tracking down people who he knew, because like I was just trying to like be useful somehow. You know, it is useful. It was more selfish than anything. No, I don't think it's selfish. I mean the image of it.

You feel like that name of like Charlie and always studying in Philadelphia, like with in the office, like surrounded by like putting strings in between one of my favorite names ever. And that's a picture you making this podcast. I'm not even joking. It is truly an image that has come into my head multiple times. Just pianic gig and sweating and like seeing things. Yeah, that's definitely you've got me nailed there. Next, there's Due, who lives in Croatia.

Do It is funny in a way that no description could do justice. He's unhinged, so witty, and I know he'd want me to say he's extremely cute too. Well, technically, what he really want me to say is that he's cuter than James. Is James doing this? Yeah, I'm going to interview him in a couple of weeks. Okay, just please make sure that if I have admitted that he gets like a second. In the days after Alex died, do It was the first person to make me laugh.

He sent me some memes about Alex's death that were unbelievably dark but also exactly Alex's humor. In one, he took an old picture of me and Alex. I'm sitting on Alex's shoulders as we stand outside the gates of Lollapalooza in Chicago, trying to watch Santegal performed from across the street because we couldn't afford tickets. And he duplicated it in the duplicate image, do it erased Alex, so I'm just floating in the air. Then he put this new image side by side with the original above them.

He wrote the caption ten year Challenge, a phrase that was making the rounds online at the time, where people would put an old and current picture side by side to show how they had changed over the last decade. Like I said, dark, when I saw do as meme, I laughed, cried and cried from laughing. Do it reminds me so much of Alex that it can actually be a little jarring. One time they even got suspended from the Britney fan forum where they met because the moderators

thought they were the same person with two accounts. To me, it was a huge compliment because I'm like, gosh, because he's hilarious. So if somebody thinks some Alex, you know, I mean, that's I mean, that's the thing you sometimes the way that you remind me of Alex is almost sort of eerie. It's like, you know, you guys just obviously had a very special connection. Yeah, it was. It was really based on being more bit sarcastic and but overall loving. He was so loving to everyone, and I'm

like the same way. But if you really don't know me, you might think of me and sound like this six ft two hung guy that doesn't really interact well but not quite. I'm a dancer for guys like Duet got his email from Alex early in Croatia time. I think I read it in six am in the morning, and I haven't got any emails from Alex. I think that last year, and because I was sending him emails and I thought, oh my god, he finally responded, I was just horrified. I don't know, I was really really bad.

Joey very hard once said beautifully, I don't know who passed away, but she said, it's always said to ban comedian dies and um because Alexi was such a high energy person. I think he filled every room. He showed up and when you lost that person, it's like silence. You just loved with silence. At the beginning of our friendship, Alex showed me his signature loud, high pitched dog bark.

Almost anyone who's met him has probably heard it. Beth remembers him doing it all the time when they met as co workers at a bengel shop the same year Alex and I met too. We would just be working together, he would, you know, either like moan makes a sort of corny moan, or like you know, we'd bark at each other. Yeah. I found this old video of Alex teaching me how to do that bark. Yeah. It sounded so real. It sounds like there was a dog in the bagel shop. Here's him trying to teach me. I

try the bark, but I'm not quite getting it. My barks are hesitant and too low, like the way I had trained myself to speak. I'm embarrassed, looking down, averting my eyes as I try. So. Alex steps back in to show me how to do it. He encourages me and I try again, but I'm still not getting it, and I start laughing uncomfortably. The thing about the bark is that it's higher than I want to go. It feels so counterintuitive, so opposed to what I had told

myself was safe. To do. It's high wild, but Alex doesn't chastise or shame me. He simply shows me again how it's done. Growing closer to Alex felt like an active, deep programming of all the bullshit I had internalized years of shame of what I should or shouldn't do, what did or didn't make me worthy of love. But he didn't do it by telling me how to be or what to do. He just showed the way and let me walk by his side. This is friendship at its

best and most pure. I think when you find someone who loves you as you are, who tells you it's okay to let down your fronts, someone with whom you can both be yourself and become something more than you were before, who can help you find your voice and expand it. But after Alex died, it was like I

lost part of my voice. I think this is partly why as I looked over his email again and again, I couldn't stop wondering about Alice, about this detail in Alex's email that I didn't understand, wondering what exactly he was trying to show me here. But am I Like some of the commenters on Brittany's Instagram, looking for meaning and the smallest thing so far we've heard from re. Out of the five people who became my inner circle after Alex died, there are two more, and they know

Alex's interiority better than just about anyone. They're also the people who, because I began fixating on Alice, actually encouraged me to try to find her. There's Show She Alex's sister. In the weeks after Alex's death, we texted basically all day every day to coordinate details about his cremation and memorial, but also just you know, to deal. But Show She wasn't just texting me. She was working overtime to make sure all the people in Alex's life knew what had

happened and to connect us to one another. Her determination in those days in the face of immense loss was unreal to me. I can't imagine getting through those first few days without that. I mean, I feel so grateful that you let me in. I'm so grateful that you you were you, you were so available and how full and understanding and respectful. Show. She and my paths first crossed in two thousand nine, when she and Alex were living at their mom's place, but she didn't really remember

that when she found me online after Alex's death. I mean we hadn't really even spoken before. Well, you said that we met a couple of times when I was like super stoked. We like passed like ships in the night in the hallway of your house. Yeah, I mean my brother and his like friend hanging around exactly. Yeah was too cool. You were, for the record, very cool. A lot has changed Show. She is kind, sharp, and unapologetically herself, perhaps more so than anyone else I've ever

met besides Alex. I aspire to one day be even half as much myself as Show she is. She's as one of a kind as Alex was. Their childhood wasn't always easy. Alex and Show She grew up in tight quarters with limited resources, and their big personalities could clash, But maybe in part because of that, there was total honesty in their relationship. They were never afraid to tell each other the truth, to fight, and to make up

whenever the time was right. The last time that I spoke with my brother was through text messages, and I got mad at him for not responding to me. I didn't. Yeah, I got mad at him. Um, I mean I called him selfish and rude for not responding to me and at least letting me know that he was okay, and he blew up at me in his text message back to me and then blocked me, and um, that was the last time that we talked. When he did this, she decided to honor the boundary Alex had put up,

knowing they'd find their way back to one another. You know, I wonder if because I was always keeping tabs on him, Um, I was always kind of asking where he was, what he was doing, like, just check in with me, if that was partially the reason why he wanted to disk totally disconnect from me. And because it's not that I forgot about him, I just let him disappear because I

felt that's what he needed to do. I mean, I don't think that the argument that my brother and I had was enough to really warrant a block, because you guys had had arguments before, Like you guys, but oh my god, he's my brother, because my little brother were eighteen months apart, like we fought, they thought, because they loved each other so much after everything they'd gone through, Alex knew he could share even his darkness, his anger

and intemperance with showshe and still be loved because they saw and accepted each other for who they really were, for better and for worse. He was a unique, eccentric original. He was empathetic, he was gentle, he was kind, he was trustworthy, loyal, I'm super fun I think Alex was probably the most authentic person that anyone has ever come across. Definitely me, I can say that for sure. And finally, Lexi Alex's best friend. Anyone who knew Alex knew Lexi

was everything to him. Honestly, I was pretty intimidated before we talked for the first time because I knew that Alex had such a high opinion of her. Once you meet her, it's obvious why. She's brilliant, hilarious and unbelievably talented artist and also so generous. When my dog Tuna, very suddly and unexpectedly died half a year after Alex did, Lexi sent me a hat with Tuna's face on it, which she had embroidered by hand. Her creativity reminds me so much of Alex's. When Lexi showed she and I

worked together to plan Alex's memorial. Lexi was in charge of everything creative. She made a Roman Michelle's high school reunion inspired post it board for guests to write tributes, a nod to Alex's favorite movie, and it was her genius and appropriately dark idea to put Alex's ashes in Britney spears fragrance bottles so that each of us could

have a piece of him. Lexie and Show She had already been looking for Alex the day his scheduled emails went out after a rental place called show She about

a car that Alex hadn't returned. Lexi was out shopping for her job as a costume designer when she got a call back from a sheriff in Wyoming, where Alex had been living in the final months of his life, and learned they were looking for him to Very shortly after that, I received my email and I was at a fucking Macy's in the valley and I opened my email and I just fucking lose it. I'm like, it

was the worst moment of my life. I still can't go back to that mall, like truly, and I just like kept reading it and just it was sobbing, and just yeah, it was like horrible, totally horrible. One thing in particular about Lexi's email from Alex stood out to her.

I think it really resonates with me, the part in his note where he um, it's like one of the first sentence is just saying that he's so sorry, but also that he's like really not and that he was like sorry that he was doing this to me and to all of us, but at the same time he really wasn't the fact that he could say that Alexei, I'm not sorry and know that she would understand as a testament to how close they were with her, as with Alex there's no bullshit, But like with me, that

wasn't always the case for Lexi. She and I talked a lot about how hanging out with Alex was sort of like going down the rabbit hole into wonderland, both an escape from the constraints of your reality and something that changed you. They met at summer camp when she was fourteen. He was the rabbit and she was a teenager in Nebraska living with strict parents who expected a

lot from her. His invitation was a simple one. Whatever you feel deep down inside, whatever version of yourself that you're hiding or suppressing, be that It was like the freest I had ever felt in my entire life. Up until that point, I had never fully felt myself ever, because I always just felt like I didn't fit in like anywhere. Everybody was so fucking conventional, and like no one did anything ever to like shake it up. And then Alex came a lot. He really like shook up

my whole world. After their magical summer at Camp one that changed Lexi forever, it was time to part ways. They kept in touch online and he'd visit her a lot, but that initial parting was hard. It was the last day of camp and we had to say goodbye and like I didn't know if I was ever going to see him again, and like he was like getting on the van and I was just like sobbing. I had never felt like that strong of an emotion before. It

was like truly love. He really was my first love in a very non sexual way, even though I did see his dick and bubble more times than I can count, same same, even though we only went out for like I don't know or something. Yeah, you probably saw more after you weren't dating than you did when you were way more. Alex helped all of us become more ourselves, but we were united in something else too. We each struggled to reach him in the final year of his life.

At first, it didn't feel strange. Alex would vanish sometimes needing space for himself, and he was also just always on the move. I know, I couldn't keep track. There was an allusiveness to him, and there was definitely a side of him that I just would never see, you know, or didn't know about. But part of why we all stayed friends with him over the years, even as he disappeared, is because we understood and we could be the same

way ourselves too. For many of us, communication with him was almost always touch and go, hot and cold on both ends. We would then become basic on the phone, and then again mounts nothing. Still, as this elusiveness stretched on much longer than usual, we all began to worry and got scared. But he didn't respond for like ten months and again. The whole time. You know your life is happening. You know, life goes on, but it was always like in the back of my head, like where

the fuck is he? Some of us wondered if we'd done something to upset him. I really thought if I maybe did something. Maybe I don't know what I did. I had the same worry. It's probably the main reason why, besides my business, I didn't try as hard to track him down as I now wish I had. On some level, I think I was scared I had unknowingly hurt or offended him. So, like show She, I decided to respect

his boundary. And because Team Thor Daniels wasn't a thing at the time, none of us realized it was something the other people in his life were experiencing too, so we tried to reassure ourselves that this was just Alex being Alex. He pretty bluntly said to me, like, I know, like I drop off the radar every once in a while, but I want you to know that, like, it's nothing personal. It's kind of just me. I have a lot of

stuff going on and it's never about you. In hindsight, it's clear that was true in his last year too. He wasn't mad at us. He was spending that year preparing for his final disappearance. Some of the things he did, whether it was disappearing from social media from time to time or disappearing from his friendships from time to time were things that he needed to do leading up to his final disappearance and death for himself, and I think he also did it for others too. I think it

was like practice in a way. The Internet kept him connected to us over the years as he followed his whims, but it also allowed him to keep his relationships separate enough that none of us really knew one another, and it allowed him to log off and disappear from our lives when he sided he was going to end his own.

His elusiveness and the role the Internet played in it makes me wonder if maybe Alice understood him in a way that none of the rest of us did, because she could be so elusive too, because she, like Alex, was a digital creature prone to disappearing. Shortly after Alex died, I told Lexi about the Strange files. At the end of my email. I made a joke about trying to find Alice for a podcast, and it was Lexie who

first said, you really should. Instead of playing along with my tossed off comment, Lexi simply told me honestly to go for it, and I knew that if she said it, she meant it. I think that, like there's a reason why he left you those files, and like, I don't know if I can exactly like pinpoint what it is, but I mean, it would be fucking cool if we could find out. It's definitely the kind of thing that like with me and my personality that like I just can't let go of. And maybe that was part of

it too. Maybe he knew it would like torture you forever, So maybe he knew that, like you would start a podcast about it, and was like hoping this would happen. After Alex's death, the six of us in the Thor Daniels group talked all the time, at first helping each other through it and then becoming friends in our own right, meeting you and Lexi and the Thorde Daniels group do a bath, James, you know, and all of Alex's friends.

I mean, I consider you all my best friends. I would not have interacted with you guys, how do you not died? And that's just that's just so crazy to think about. Most often we talked in an ongoing Instagram d M chat, but we also sometimes got together over zoom to mark occasions like Alex's birthday or the anniversary

of his death. But there's one conversation I want to highlight one that gave me what I needed to pursue my search for Alice, who, in so many ways was beginning to feel like she was hovering over my conversations with them if we were some kind of newly formed Scooby Doo gang. She was the mystery before us, one I couldn't solve on my own, so I brought it to the group. I'm curious if any of you, like, did Alex ever talk to any of you about Alice.

He mentioned it to me. I think probably while the conversations he was having with her were happening, and I, I mean, I didn't dismiss it, but I was skeptical. We were on this sense side and there was this girl and we would go to Tiny Chedd and she she Sunday because she would do like signature Britney things,

so they kind of gave her credibility. And she never claimed to be She would say that she wasn't Brittany as you said, like there's lot of impersonators and stuff, but it did not sound to me like someone doing an impersonation, like even Biggs. It was really spot on. I'm not thinking it was Brittany, but it really did sound like if you ever mentioned it, I would have like, like I never just like right not believed everything or

anything that Alex said. But I don't know. I feel like the like period of time in which he was chatting or talking to her was like very short. I feel like it happened in that moment in time, and like he talked to me about it like maybe a couple of times, and I like sort of dismissed it, and then we never really talked about it much further because like, for whatever reason, you're just like Yoka, it's

Britney's weirds, right. But while most of them were skeptical about Alice, while Alex was alive, they began to have the same inkling of intrigue that I had when I found the files in my email. At first, it's like a small seed of an idea. Play sit and soil, water it a little, and just let it grow. Admitting my curiosity to the thor Daniel's crew, a collection of people who were all changed by Alex and his free spiritedness, was like planning my Alice seed in the richest soil.

As we talked, I could feel my questions multiplying. After a while, the thrill of believing in something outlandish was like reconnecting with Alex's essence. As do I put it, fantasy. You know, it's like why not believe? Talking to them about Alice was like going back down the rabbit hole. I could stop overthinking it and just give in in

the same way I could when Alex was around. None of us knew if there was anything to Alice, but we all agreed that it would be more fun to give in than to try and stop our curiosities from taking root. That was just sort of like part of the fun of being his friend. As his friend, you sort of like submit to that fantasy with him, and he just sort of go along for the ride. Skepticism maybe one of my strengths, but I can also wield it against myself like a weapon, one that dampens any

curiosity that seems too colorful or absurd. One of the greatest gifts Alex gave me was teaching me how to stop questioning myself so much, to stop overthinking and hiding to bark like no one was listening. So I'm going for it. I'm submitting to the fantasy. If I ever said her name, Yeah, would. I'm gonna look for Alice next time. On Unread, people are very passionate over this. That was one thing I foiled. There are a lot of posts or someone just asks who has banana Alice,

and it's pretty hilarious to see. There are so many passionate responses saying it's not Brittany, this was from so long ago. It's just someone pretending who cares Leave it alone.