The False Self with Ryan Cristian

Everybody, welcome to host, Whitney Webb. So as many unless you follow me on Twitter newsletter, but I've been in the one and a half year old, since actually still in the hospital, right now. So I could get away Because obviously, I've had a plus months, you know, it's been after trying to entertain a for a long time, doing something kind of normal again, which is,

in a sense. So I don't want to medical situation, and I've sort you know, before to an extent, at the end of the tunnel, a the timeline, but we're hoping next month. So long story short, changed me, you know, in a lot lot about how I approach and I of my life, including work, of much everything. Um, I've obviously. And, you know, that's about today. For the first, you several weeks, maybe of our stay

really, really bad way. And he's Definitely not the kind he was you know, I spent a lot of time, looking at him, he was in an support, you know, so I was the circumstances that brought happen, you know, if he doesn't sorts of things, and I think, for any parent, in that obviously, for a lot of that

emotional. I mean, it's hard not talking about it again, but, you time since I've had kids that I just sit and think about things what kind of mother I've been, and how I can be better for my get to go home, things are the know, I've heard from a lot of their children in the ICU or really just totally changes, you parent you, you want to be, emotional time, for lack of a know, even though my son still know, to heal from obviously, I heal from to, you know, not think, you know, if we're honest

right, you know, it's, it's know, life is not necessarily you know, we distract ourselves kids, or, you know, all sorts of we, we forget about, you know, we're sort of forced by the know, look at them and stare a long time, and pretty much had any sort of platform, but avoided talking about personal including why I do the work that And I actually get asked this a did I become who I am? Why do I noticed, I try and give short answers. And, you know, an

pretty recent. I I was asked Bitcoin magazine conference in he was Mark Goodwin, he was the was going to ask me that right was like, Oh, I actually don't that. So I'm going to try and because, you know, I, you know, don't like talking about it is interviews and public work and the research and not avoid, you know, the shoot the

want to discredit something. But questions that are hard for me talking about my past, or where who I am, I don't really think actually a rather unpleasant this podcast, I won't be talking maybe more towards the ends. But focus on today is how a lot of are abusive can be very similar us right now. And how they're particular direction, to make us in some way, try and make us examining those parallels, it do it, and what we can do about introduce the person who's

these issues. So of course, it's Ryan Christianna, the last favorite people and independent you doing today, Ryan? I'm good. Thanks for having say off the gate, that I think commendable, first of all, but hard moment in life and turn it something that's worth, you from is something that people there's always been these that, that you can truly,

way. If you, you know, if you it, you know, as much as they're something that this is, you we're going to talk about today in regard to the government and So I think it's a good time for Well, I think, you know, on societal level, a lot of us have really like, you know, not to heal our world, you know, and isn't really messed up, because really messed up going on, trying to specifically target So, you know, definitely crazy I think part of the change that be internal change for for

you can't change until you Right. Totally. So there's a this conversation. But I guess, talking a little bit about, you grew up in a household with a very, very sadistic narcissist, life, you know, I decided, as home, and 18, that I didn't want

suffering from that. So I spent that out as much as I possibly know, you know, if you just bury it's something that destroys you know, you have anger and all away at you, and cause a lot of more I've reflected on that there's a lot of resources for if you look for it online and lot of parallels, you know, with whatever you want to call them. that narcissists abuse, or use and how the powers that be

similarities. And I think part the day, what narcissists are keep their victims and of course this to everybody, they people to do this to, or, you one, you can't go anywhere, so essentially, what they aim to do toxic system, and train you to needs and neglect their own and know, we talked about a lot with about control for them at the trying to control have us in

obsessive. And of course, continuously serve them and So, you know, maybe that's one that, you know, you, you and I about before recording that, I thing to look into here is the what I would call the false by that? So narcissists, tend to personality, in a sense, but you one side of that self, when it's narcissists will have a superior I call the false self, because they want people to see about inferior, devalued sell for, you

for lack of a better term. And these and trying to manage the bubble up from that devalued for a lot of behaviors that you know, behavior that they in terms of the people that know, providing them with, you narcissistic supply or sort of feelings of power over people keep narcissists, more or less guess, for lack of a better rate comes from the Greek myth narcissist was a guy that fell lake or something like that, a waiting for the response of his

for that response. But I think way it is with Narcissus is that for how they're reflected in the of times, at least in my obsession with how other people viewed a very specific way but a different than how they act at home or with the you know, in they're, you know, abusing It's so interesting, the love the overlap is so way that these what I've we've sociopathic borderlines that it's inherently insecure, contradictory. seems these people are insecure with inherently selfish, right?

create this perception of people see them. And that's so the government acts with us know, making us feel lesser I think this is such an agree with you, I think that's today. Yeah, well, if you think well, here's an example not to Musk, right? Elon Musk has certain chunk of people to think obviously invested a lot of time But it's very insecure, right? example, there's a bunch of post like where their private accessible information, he

that, about him. And there's Musk, and also have different insults them or something, and it, and have like many know, destroy the person that you know, there's a lot of a lot lot of money and trying to themselves, that if you look real, like Bill Gates, for project what a great guy he is, you know, when if you and his whole deal with do with altruism at all. Right certain version of themselves they're like masters at this sure.

Do you think that it is both other people see them as better fact is that they're trying to like, in the sense of where the their thumb? Well, I think that's pretty what I think is a pretty easy to elite and the powers that be to know, scum, really. And that's eugenicist mindset comes from.

Right supremacist? Yeah. idea, they feel like they're so good at planning whatever and who dies on the extreme end and then, you know, elsewhere on they get to choose who gets to to reproduce, you know, they make those decisions for other people don't know what's best looking at, you know, everyone think this is sort of a taught especially people that are part moneyed families. I think it's, upbringing.

You could also point out mentioned, with Elon Musk, the feedback loop, we've talked social media works, that that fulfilling prophecy by system. And, you know, and just it's a feedback loop. You know, Oh, well, I was just gonna

all about the false self. I finish the point. You were that. No, please. Yeah, this is really interesting. And the idea it. Right. So you know, if you know, like, we've talked to publicly project a specific that people view them a certain how people view them, but it's are. So the internet, I think, and narcissist to extreme people into narcissist who may narcissist otherwise, right? That's fascinating.

that were already borderline average children, teens that get makes me think of whether we craters or not, but very there that are very openly like And yeah, that's, that's, that's happening to a lot of unwitting Yeah, well, I mean, you on like teams, and social media, And it makes them feel bad about perhaps, most of those girls are the most flattering, they spend picking one out of like, you right, or, you know, adjusting

stuff. So they're trying to make possible, but they end up projecting something that's not falseness out there and of, you know, fake interaction, feedback loops and creating To want to be in that is making basically creating this false right? And then privately, it's know, feeling like their real exactly what, you know, is the know, obviously, narcissists my point here is that, you know, is really making it extremely know, society where social media at this point.

Yeah. Well, what you kind of the overlap, like bringing it that, you know, it wouldn't like, let's just take the think we're all kind of aware project originally, that was into narcissists and or purpose, you were saying that it where then one, they're easier makes them feel way better about Yeah, well, you know, you're feel awful about how they really

to the system. And they like unquote, approval, the likes people that are reacting to the mean, it's like every you were mentioned in the the same kind of feedback cycle you make someone feel like there, then you can you can actions and that's what's Yeah, but I think there's a levels here too. So like when narcissism like anything like disorder, not that autism is a know, there's this spectrum of tends to fall on a spectrum. And

too. So you'll have like people pathological narcissists, a lot sociopathic, even sometimes they know. And that's why I think positions of power to because psychopaths and sociopaths tend corporate ladder, they tend to of this stuff, too. And so, you spectrum are easy to control in stuff that over inflates their, project out there, and the stuff times what those guys want is to control, or they want everyone in the entire world. Celebrity.

control in, in that sense. And on different parts of the know, if you're creating, you teenagers that have had social small. And at the end, their and they're using it right, and feedback loops. I think the way bit different than say, the of that narcissist spectrum that really rehabilitate, in a sense.

Well, I the first parallel because this is where I've been can obviously overlap with this movement, and how these create that same dynamic where primarily young girls, today, percent, even though that was younger boys before that are all that they're not right, that what they are currently is not was their goal. Yeah, no, I agree that they're authoring you look into this other self that invest your time and energy and your problems. Right, right. And then the you know, first, obviously,

you are. But if you do this, and image that we think you should happiness. But then what we're just like the media platforms unhappy, and then Mote you know, that today. And then that, but another cycle. You know, and for something that's being done to malfeasance, you know, like, this is just one big, abusive Well, definitely, I think, power is by being, you know, abusive is, you know, there's a manifests, right? So there's the state creates chaos, right?

They'll create chaos, and then to stop this chaos, this crazy go away, whatever you want, you know, the elites also do that, Exactly, well, ascension is is a bombing all sorts of, you know, state violence and other or stop this if you give in to what The parallel. I mean, it when you think about it.

Yeah, but, you know, it's probably because I grew up in a but like, as an adult, like, I recognize people doing this, self esteem my whole life, you really good at seeing how the powers that be abuse us, but me way longer than it should Why do you think that is?

from someone like you that is the things that many others you think it took you so long to immediate relationship, um, because I think a lot of it was a kid, I was made to feel lot of narcissistic households, kids in certain positions and know, anywhere they talk about they'll have one kid that's the the term for it, and the other everything gets blamed on and so oldest kid and my daughter was the golden child. And it's not she didn't turn out to be a lot of, you know, trauma from

different for me. So I was used including stuff I didn't do, and throughout my, you know, entire was just kind of used to being, you know, when it happened to just, you know, it felt we got weird, I guess. But when like that, you know, it's guilt trip me. I think that was, bad like that all the time as a sort of wired in my brain people that don't have that

Yeah, that makes sense. I know, revere the parents, and government, you know, we're know, you take direction as a for a child, especially to stand being the norm, you know, yeah, example, in like, a relationship everyone's familiar with, it's called negging. Right. And making somebody else feel disarm them to a degree to where them to the point of sexuality. about it. But ultimately, that's thing we're talking about, for family level, or from a level. Yeah, good point. So

kind of interesting is that, you powers that be the elite, when their actions show of interesting, too, because empathy, like normal people do. but they know they notice that interpersonal relationships, they can convince someone, they can, you know, I guess add manipulation tool belt, you how what do you know that what the overlap is with sociopathy because that's very Well, I think there is a lot you're not really caring about the way, you know, narcissists what can I get out of this

for me? How can I get this need them to do? Not like, I friendship or romantic or, you with this person? it the more I think about a pin in it, it's that a they still it's ultimately to about who they are, or you know, sociopath, maybe he doesn't care to fit in with people that, you but that seems like that makes Yeah, I mean, maybe that's there's a lot of I don't know, I ways of looking at these people.

necessarily going to be the narcissists do have sociopathic make the most sense, because from a utilitarian perspective, relationships that way, you person? And how can I use them? back to this point of, of trying to use someone, and they person's feelings that can go about, you know, even back a doesn't work anymore. But like, mainstream media, and all of figures, politicians, right,

bad about something. Or they'll this happened to, you know, this shouldn't feel bad for them or like the earliest example of know, manipulations, I guess the Rockefeller, the country's first garbage shaman and the way they around was by you know, showing to like little pennies and coins nice I'm being and stuff. I remember that the big the silver dime, right shoulder come up and he hands that's, it's that. Yeah. That

campaign. Right. That wasn't And I think that's really narcissists, too is that they really empathetic, like I care the powers that be want us to did touch on that a little bit definitely a commonality between least tactic wise. I think it's a really kind of why I was asking about empathy is, I mean, something aware of they clearly feel they, hard to say, because they're themselves. But ultimately, I think they know, when that they work to that. Yeah. To yeah.

To fit in, essentially, a really important point to projecting empathy is, is, you can see that exactly the same doing so in many ways that tries feel guilty, maybe not about, policy where, you know, showing you know, in a bombing, like, example, you know, somewhere, like you didn't do enough. And you know? Yeah, I'm sure it'll do that this sad situation, we should Ukraine, right? Why didn't you to John Bolton who said, don't everything up. When it's amazing

know I'm blowing. Yeah, I always point out that the the other side of the world, you watching people who they know up and act like they care or know, and that's a different is very hard to like that causes about that. Yeah, well, another good fundraising campaign for that how all that money that was the Clintons, they built six don't know where the money went, was feigning empathy for the

it, right. Feigning empathy for the people that were donating then taking the money and And then even another aspect they take that and do terrible happened? Totally. Yeah. Yeah. So it's happening. Now we right yeah. When it's upright, well, it that was involved with that in they do the same for the funds, collecting for Maui right now. the big voices, you need to Haiti. And now he's the one

for Maui. So he's obviously not false self, to the public, for politicians do and but again, I levels they have complete, like that false self for them or as Yeah. Well, I would say I mean, it goes both ways that entire lives like that. I've sociopaths are better, they will and people that actually have just are their entire lives are people are wanting to see. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. is, the less likely people are be like, actually, that's not a

Yeah. Right. I mean, Obama even now, like you what you know this person, he very, very cares. Someone who is there for

know that's not true. I mean, at are case a case study for that question then becomes, do you let's just move Obama aside, do people that are maybe not fully in that way, that are that are budding new narcissist in Well, I'm sure there's like ladder in politics, and you're by example, and they're like behavior I have to engage in to once you get to the higher up really any really corrupt to the levels where you realize corrupt everything is and how there's a lot of theft going on

obviously, you know, you only Uh, down to participate in it. Right and compromisable Yeah, sure. And so, you know, you operate in that type of to be like the people that were before. And I'm sure a lot of in their political careers or, field is for those qualities. Yeah, I agree completely. self, which is a real that's conversation. We were talking The idea of how that applies to be going in? How do you think regard to how they're just these platforms? So with social media, I hate

try and get us to identify more this point is really, you know, really, the internet is the us to identify more with that At the end of the day, that Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, a project like the metaverse and that, and it's really obvious. before how a lot of what's going lead us there. But a lot of metaverse like they tried to COVID. And it was a flop. And a COVID with the lock downs was to digital world all the time, and we could only connect with

Right. So I think it was a big expected it that change to than it actually did. Because and so you have to continue and Pepe, how intense that false self whatever becomes be in the metaverse or have at the same time make people so or in their, you know, in happen. And when we talked about guess it was last year. Or maybe Yeah. It's hard to say no, I Well, I've been in a like no concept of time anymore.

about how there was like a I writing in some MSM thing about basically saying, by the time you'll prefer the metaverse and part out loud, very gross. Yeah. it started with social media, already talked about, like esteem, because they're trying publicly look the best they eventually, there's this gap putting all these filters on stuff. But that's not how they

the mirror. What you're seeing in the gap is makes rather a unreachable goal, happy with who they actually Yeah, and they'll never be like in teens and kids, and years. And they're going to be of hard to undo. And so it plays talking about or that you you know, seeking out kids right Metaverse stuff and the that is also appealing to those

essentially the same. It's this trying to get you to be like, self is that online self is that think both are just gonna ask you, will finish your thought, but the reasoning is to drive people narcissistic side is clear for us feel lesser than but what's bigger implications of the big all that but yeah, is that one? Yeah. Yeah, I think so. feel like they need that digital more addicted to it they are, won't give up their access to

their internet access. They'll smartphone or their connection anything to keep it anything at Yeah, I mean that if you if that's easy just to drive people desperate to maintain what Metaverse and then then insert Yeah, you know exactly. Yeah, coming before the metaverse, you what I just talked about to Twitter right now. Twitter has soon. If you're not a blue Twitter. Yeah, you know, oh, sorry.

talk about it later. Probably. I already starting to roll out predicted is that the the next they get you, you know, because the next most people that the benefits are they're getting know, an iris scan or who knows Yeah, well, as you already starting to move right Twitter. I'm not going to call cuz I mean, x was Elon Musk's, 90s. So it's always his about this with new Twitter is of the financial system, if not there's people that are media, they're on it constantly.

constantly. It's not everyone But there is a group there that the internet. And they can't I have talked about in the past the books a long time, even new Twitter is to force people to some form of government in the US, obviously didn't get for it. And they called it the internet. So a government issued your internet service provider. you know them knowing everything know, access through the gateway everything you do online is they're gonna know exactly who

ambition then. And that's what's my work that I you know, I stuff like the the web which is like the FBI, the intelligence, Israeli banks. You know, it's within the entities are there. They're very ambition for how to end quote, internet. Everyone's got to have been a push to in mosque is one Twitter, authenticate all real said in the tweet, yeah. But elsewhere, especially among Australia campaigning against allowed to be an anonymous

right? And so now what you have effort to and it's not just to new Twitter, the way they're take a selfie and upload your selfie extracts it says it in and that's the run through an This is a small side note company of Amdocs by the be fun to point out that some everyone's favorite Israeli like the early 2000s Or any number of other overlapped Israeli intelligence the United States. But But do selfie, I mean, it says there's plenty of things that taking iris scans? Do you think they're doing?

Well, I think if it's your going to be an iris scan because specific type of camera. This is with your I guess your computer something. So probably not. I its mission, its facial face, right? Yeah, just as just as alarming. coming. And then you know, kind point is that then people are have to like these kids are they're going to they're going whether they realize it's bad or cycle, you know, into the next

Totally. I'll give you an relationship with someone that's stuff, digital ide cbdc, and all before bed, he was like, you realistically be able to resist defensive, I was like, Yeah, of I'm trying to do. And like, my

resisting that system. And then kept countering with all this won't be able to live a normal able to buy stuff that we need, just like, whoa, you know, kind people, you know, like, that are category, like the convenience, again, this false self, that the way they want people to view the day, they like, what they like, even if even people that Yeah, I'll take it because it that stuff, right? I don't want them more power over their people see them. Well, not just that, right.

like, narcissists, in general, their lives to basically cater actually impossible. It's like, constantly trying to fill with of situations, because the never enough, because you're that's a, you know, a thing that themselves, you can't possibly they, they are trying to get they don't really want to do it like they like that convenience I'm talking about to refuse to her face, but was also very recognition by police, even companies pass that facial

to police. But it's more It's just It's hypocrisy, right, these are your your your self, all all to your benefit at essentially, is that what seems do you how do you actually have when you're like that? Not to wanna keep going, I just popped impossible. You know? Well, Because you can't basically relationship, whether they're your boyfriend or girlfriend, is they're manipulating you to try keep them stable, but they're stable. So no matter what you through, and you know, they'll

fault all the time. No matter yourself, it will never fix the depending on how long you're everyone, eventually, you end up have nothing left because you're been literally giving everything end of the day, I mean, what matter what they're asking of whatever, you're giving energy left without anything. I mean, and that you have nothing and the same time you're being being good enough by this They're Emotional Vampires, well, go ahead.

No, no go you go. I'm just add to the gaslighting is gaslighting, and that's another with everyday with power constantly telling you, you it's just different levels of is very clear and all that.

Yeah, so gaslighting is about where the term comes from, it's from the 50s. And it's malicious intent, wants to

mentally ill. And basically, he house, which is where the term And he and he slowly he slowly that they've been dumbed, he dammed and that there must be over time, is gradually insane, and making her doubt her reality and the goal of gaslighting is always done with gaslighting is to have it so comfortable defining your own on someone else to define your obviously did this to you a but they did this to you with can define your reality to suit Yeah, like no no concern in

the other person feel. I mean, never heard that before. That's exactly what we're talking narcissism, it's taxes. Clearly, like a very prominent part of It I think it is a prominent a key way in which you try and they can't, to make them obviously. And just eventually, don't feel like they can they're dependent on the person oftentimes will feign empathy, having all these mental make you think that like, help you, you know, making you

them. And at the same time, that or you know, also in the right, are trying to get you to to control you so that you giving to them. Right and back and time that you are the problem Yeah. The parallel to the incredible with that. I mean, operating out of the handbook. Well, I again, I think a lot mean, to do what they're doing narcissist, right? And So I guess, my guess my might not that we can answer a general, you know, is that a they're sociopaths in those deliberate effort to create the

direction? It's probably both. with the elites, it is And AI is a huge part of it. I'm know, free again, going to be Catherine Austin, Fitz, that's artificial intelligence, it's more than just what I'm going to lab a few years ago, right, I Security Commission on head of that is Eric Schmidt. for life and mentor, is Henry in him wrote a book about AI. So like setting essentially with a the national security level and basically how the quote unquote artificial intelligence and the

so insane. So the overview of because obviously, they say a basically say, artificial that we cannot see, because it's then in another part of the to depend on artificial assistants, and if you think creating music. It's creating it's writing, fiction and of these things humans used to dependent on AI doing all that become cognitively diminished to

dependent on AI. And we can't that become dependent on AI that generations be able to don't oh my god, basically like people's minds basically stupid that we can't function a different reality than we do, AI has no morality it has no there is programmed by these dependent on AI to tell you reality is and they don't see right? So it's about people to call it transformed really, species where we can't perceive that these guys program does it same end goal is gaslighting,

goal. Exactly. But if the goal reality to suit the needs and That's the biggest plan for AI know, write all the news video or any photograph they this is probably playing out on because, you know, on Twitter these AI guys, you know, Elon was behind I think, one of the GPT chat, GBT is all over this it. And it was before its big got to use it. It's gone viral.

happening. And in that book, 2020. They're basically like, taken over our lives, and people So they're expecting this to are going to have to say, No, crap anymore. And build people have become so addicted feelings they get from that, you whole dynamic we're talking this public projection that won't be able to live without

Yeah, right. It's already saying, I mean, they really I mean, you're having sociopaths sociopath is what it sounds though, let me let me ask it written a lot about the art like able to achieve that does in pretending this is artificial basically emulating what they it be actual artificial

that way? Because they've made Okay, so I think artificial talked about this before, part far along as they want, because about not that long ago, was we sentient CYA, remember, and trying to say that Google's AI

basically become like, the that's kind of what I was clear, not not just AI but like which is what they're this? Or are they is it still It's gonna Yeah, the reason like sentient and all this able to achieve that. I think they will have it feign empathy, right? They're literally taking intelligence. But that's the point. like built in sociopathic, it make us human, it's there to

the whole point. I mean, does better and can like make these people are telling you And it's like a narcissist on honest, it's kind of blowing mean, we're talking about them. we all seem to recognize are artificial intelligence that the way our lives are being that? And they're literally like they're like in an

mindset. They want to be like forever. I mean, it's just, it's stop something like that? Um, okay, so awesome question. I'm just Well, one thing I mean, if anywhere about narcissism, how How do you end things with a narcissist out of your life? The same. It's go no contact, contact, I mean, there's some lesser contact. But honestly, in what you have to do. Because you they'll they'll try and suck you think, just the fact that I didn't thought was an impossible

said is exactly right. You just with artificial intelligence or in front. Right? It's the same answer. So elite, that are like this, it is right. It's going no contact build something else. And that's of other people have been know, I think some people you earlier, like, I've been good at government level, but not so know, seeing it in my own

grew up and stuff. Obviously, but you know, I think there's opposite problem, and they're their personal life but they do it because their parents everyone they know is always Maybe that's changing now to an of people that buy into that I agree. Yeah, that's kind of think about it. Yeah. About life? You know, how do you deal in a second. Oh, yeah. Go no government that's trying to pretty toxic. Right. Exactly. Yeah. Well, I mean,

though, right? Because that's, you look at it, like just taken that the idea of somebody going become a central part in how that's near impossible for some Yeah, sure. But, you know, narcissistic relationship, like, earlier, you end up feeling like you're hollowed out, and you lose complete control over your all. They want all the control. And it's not necessarily because have. It's like the feeling.

that like, you know, or essentially say the same thing, that those feelings that bubble self, right? Yeah, yeah, it makes sense. essentially get driven to a already desperate, but now So you might as well go, no causing it? Yeah, exactly. I mean, it gets to keep going. Yeah, you know, and powers that be obviously haven't probably have to get worse for people that know now, what's answer is pretty clear. But I

people do, obviously. I mean, I contact, but it's a whole issue narcissist when they get obviously, you know, it's a when you're gonna have a child the it takes time to disentangle thing, at least a lot of the it's, it's the, it's really the Yeah. And I think the point you break contact, you still you know, you without that right, it's a whole process to think with this, this see that in the sense of the way

their lives. Because you're you look at a personal to help somebody that have a want yeah, you know, so there's through that for people. You know, I'm glad you know, in cults, right, you have Stockholm syndrome. And cults of survivors, trauma, get thrown around, but I think, from other people before, I you know, there's, there's like, people have Stockholm right? Because you're grown up is going to be there for you. parent. And ever since the it's been one long, steady road

greatness. Well, I mean, that's school textbooks, I mean, public all. So you're, like, fed this can't handle the reality, you the reality is there, and the they'll still hold on to that. in a narcissistic relationship a doesn't happen with narcissistic earlier, kids are stuck with the relationships, there's this this trauma bonding thing. And bombing. So it's like the early you're just showered with

they're so nice to you. And they that's called mirroring where something and they'll be like, they probably never even heard become they study you trying to present themselves because there's so much like you that we're so much like each Because I mean, it sounds like you know, someone that's move and then emulating that you. It's terrifying. Well, like earlier, like I mentioned mimic it. I think this is kind someone to fall in love with me.

studied it and done it enough that phase ends, you know, they start. And then they start doing far as the terminology club crumbing, right, where basically abuse, and then there'll be like was in that love bombing stage. they act like that person again. the abuse. And so you're left person. Or if I do, what they telling me to do, and I accept 100% of the time, which no you know, then that person will perfect relationship like I the beginning. And they'll just

a long time. And that's is in the narcissistic know, I think the way the with like a PR campaign, you that way and be like, Oh, well, thing. Oh, well, look over here. government's done. Or look, Joe mind that they've eaten almost or that, you know, his son's corrupt, and, oh, look, they grandkids and all this stuff.

that's an important part of the basically just trying to act like project that out to the mentioned something before, farming sympathy, you know, it's it seems is absolutely necessary what they're doing is to, you same point from the beginning, need to project that so people it's kind of full circle. Yeah. And don't worry about thing, too, like in that PR

does. So like, they'll have the leaders, the people in charge, people, they really are with PR with narcissists, too, that sort seen it referred to as the smear narcissists realize they can't person is no longer serving them them. But before they discard or know, they don't necessarily discarding the person but in the to they they start slowly back, like, oh, yeah, well, the crazy to some people here in insurance policy, in a sense, so to be on their side when things finally go south. Very

yeah, totally. And so I to like, you know, they've years that everyone that doesn't a domestic terrorist. Yeah, right. Yeah. Well, you know, the capsulate, everybody that's crazy, totally. And there's which also happens with someone that doesn't want to is automatically anti Vax, people that just want people to if they've gotten all the you know, and there's like this.

for narcissists to do too. I don't even know if I can pick all the time with with these that's really common with don't have they don't allow people, they abuse to have healthy boundaries at all. So in parents, they see children, themselves. And so like, they privacy at all, like so for I'd get, you know, my mother the house. So like, even if I she could come in and scream at to have that time to myself,

stuff. I obviously didn't keep a them, you know, searched my room you're not allowed to have powers that be if you think have any privacy. Right? And if boundaries, in a sense, you societal level or the law, right? That's what's in society, you can't break the boundary that's been placed the powers that be themselves, without consequence. Right?

just for the people beneath them It's all inherently ties exactly the same point with is very aware that we all see they're doing is not trying to They're prying in to our sure that they know what's going you're, you're staying with your making sure you're not doing opinion, it sounds more like might be doing, they don't want they don't want you to see. Or more to me, it's more inherent government. I don't think they're good. think if it was insecurity, I control, control, and dominance, them.

Your personal situations, than anybody I mean, like in a couldn't you argue that control way that people need that narcissists, because they're when you're not doing exactly I would see that. Yeah, maybe maybe to an time, you know, like I was because of my experiences, I about how Pete other people's there was this one story of this

this case. And he had three daughters and necklaces, and he four, five, and six, and said, all the time, you can't take you take them off, and I'll see know, basically being like, technology, and they were terrified to take them off. And little glass bead necklaces, or

that's about control. That's you. Yeah, and doing whatever using fear to control people. lot of that too. And one of the not, like I told you before we of the reasons I've never really before is because I've been too I've, you know, don't have parents, you know, I'm scared, talked about it, I might get something to me. I mean, it life very much at all, know, especially now because know, the situation, you know, was younger, but they they all

I'm still scared. Just to say same thing to with with my ex. months ago, I was scared to say you know, my son was in the like crap. He didn't even ask son. And then he was, you know, with people that I work really including people that contribute author articles with and not other people, you know why I've experience with our child. And was also trying to publicly farm off of my son's condition, even never send money. So, you know, that point, because I, you know, fear of people forever. You

for a long time. And I don't, government, right. Like, I don't But in my personal life, I you to just sit there and think you know, who I am, you know, I hell, while I was in a That was wrong with me. I should controlled by fear. But I was, always be sad for me, you know, I have to stand up to the bully of us have to, whether it's the people don't deserve to be feeling like I deserve to be for me to move on, I have I just about it. Because I didn't know

fear. You know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, thing to do in general, just for what's important? Is it you tell even talk about this, depending it. But the action of making healing part we're talking that you, like you said, like, those listening, you know, what point for you? What was it? I this very powerful, this you're suffering with your son, reflect on that? Is that what

the edge? Or was there something realize that you need to be know, it, there was a lot of course of relationship that was, edge a few times, I guess, you I broke up with this person, or you know, the only reason I said really don't like like I said about my personal life at all. really bad point for that to son's been on a ventilator for they're going to come home, and of saying, How can I help? Is know, bullying you demanding

threatening you. It's just, it trying to trash your reputation I couldn't, you know, I didn't down anymore. I mean, it's just that whole relationship left me Anyway, and I was, you know, hospital, I felt like I was then to have to go through all And I mean, I mean, there's, you happened before them, too, you spew all the details or at a certain point, people have in their personal life, or, you you know, healthy boundaries are me, it's been hard because, you

have boundaries. So, like, being is like a lifelong struggle, or 33. So I'm not that old, I taken a long time. For me to treated that way. Like, know, and, you know, that's mean, we all have stuff that, with, because of, you know, how everyone's case is different, mean, it's been, it's definitely challenge. And in my case, and,

esteem sucks. You know, working in an environment like people are not like that, and And, you know, some of them are narcissistic spectrum a bit too, influencer status, where I feel we were talking about earlier on people that do have those massive following, and, you has to go into overdrive for ahead, go ahead. Yeah, well, you know, I was told, when I broke know, I couldn't break up with was their chance to make it an

associated with me. They, I that they've been using me the care about this stuff at all. this whole ID driver's license out, because I can go like, play stuff that I actually like, you report on like, Insane Clown stuck on a screen constantly. people that are willing to, you relationship by impregnating

get that stuff. I mean, it's really think you know about that experience and in a I always wanted to think that is anti system and anti they're not going to be like at the end of the day, I think people in alternative media, way, I think that same model earlier, exactly, over time, has than before in alternative media be all about the followers and revenue model, it's definitely from the truth telling and the MSM, I think a lot of, you know, alternative media have a different variety of talking

And it's really disappointing. good. Well, I think also, like, an alternative media, if we're from mainstream media is be there's not enough authenticity. you know, if you think back many just starting, and I think tell, at least, you know, people thinking can sort of sniff out pretty easily over time. You you who they are. Eventually, know, even in the political want to dunk on on Robert F. people can imagine that I don't Yeah. But you know, I've met

nice to me. When my son was in email saying he was praying I'm didn't have to do that, you he's a bad guy. But I think, you for office, or it was his idea. think this happens to a lot of good intentions. They pander. I Bitcoin Conference, how I felt was like, you know, when you then it's really successful, and always Electronic Arts, and then it down so that more people buy ruin it, by trying to like make what happens when someone you for office, right? I agree, at

about it. And so you know, I someone like him, had gone into I'm going to keep authentic pander to powerful groups and be authentic and say what they people don't like it, people everyone in political offices know, exactly that is, people everything's freaking fake, you Yeah, I was just gonna say on a know, you point out the, the that on the other side of that, you're also being overwhelmed from people, you know, we well, that you up, you do a comments, or people just very

angry mean things. And that has an effect. And by the way I to your point about social, of them have kind of con gone some of that's intentional care about money, but a lot of know, we're because they're in the beginning, that what social find yourself in this position. been speaking about about you've got this model. That's, where people didn't realize this mixed up in this, their entire hinging on Twitter, ad revenue, you can see, you know, that

the ad revenue. Yeah, the ad it to a next level, because And so you had like, you and I that had viral tweets about Maui totally fake and saying it was Right, but that guy got a ton of that program. him, right? So saying whatever. And so people thing that they think is gonna or positive, most likely off of it. Well, I would say, though that I speech in mind, even though it's they should be allowed to say

with. But what I see happening, censoring things that are true, then almost raising up this think is truly happening is always said the independent been, like, we're all just in money is barely ever been there it suddenly they're like totally rush for fake news, like then they can point at it. Exactly. Yeah, I think mean, if you see, you know, part of this technocratic system ambition that Musk has for it. way to sort of, you know, media. And so part of that is credibility of people that

approved media. And people like It's an old tactic of poisoning welcome be full of clean water, poison, and then you ruin the point to that and be like that, don't use it. So, um, you know, at the end of the day, I think, that to. So, you know, I think know, this is true of an addiction, in my experience If it's not there, they have to that fighting, they get the constant back and forth and people that you know, it's right? And not necessarily narcissist. I'm not saying that.

addictive stuff that happens in likes and followers, and lots of to arguing constantly and online means to do that, and then you and then have it everywhere in and all of a sudden, Twitter is Yeah, totally. You know, we don't like, I don't know actual physiology. That's the makeup of what happens in this one thing I've read about in the like for instance, taking the Twitter, in the back of the what cases for people, when you get

it's cortisol, right? Your fight know, but what happens for begin to change the way your producing a different you get a from making people angry, and brain. Oh, that's terrifying. I what's happening. Yeah, that's very possible. crazy. That's crazy. You can get angry. Well, we know that exists. like, like people that are, you themselves during sex. And, you there for some people, but I some of these people. You know,

to me. Yeah. Good. No, I mainly because he like, because this constant generation of hate conflict. I hate it when fight let's, how can we defuse this later. And, I mean, it's someone's angry, I'm like, How I react to it not I just can't

awesome. I made the mad and feeling that feeling you get talking about it feeling you from some negative you it sounds like people with this negativity that you can't either like that to begin with, know, and it just becomes grew up with people that used to actually would love to get in school, you know, and that's the feeling that you enjoy through way that works. It should be the change that or they're born that something in there that has to talking about. I'm just not

to speak on it. But that's Well, there's a whole bunch that have been like there's a what I can throw in the show people that have devoted their lot of these dynamics and, and necessarily like how the powers interpersonal relationships. And There's a guy named Simon times in the past, he kind of it's actually more so about why actually leaders. It's a really eat last I think, is when he was exact point, the, the, you know, serotonin, and, you know, goes

applies. His whole point, that are, you know, they interest. It's the same kind of his larger point is that true that's the opposite of we're we're dealing with people that first. Because if I don't, I have to die to do it. Like those Sure. No, most definitely. narcissism thing, too. Because the people you're talking about, center everything based on their

is what matters. And, you know, one, they'll frequently talk And, you know, that extreme for them to think about others hard for them to think about situations, in dire situations, Absolutely. I mean, they both in relationships, as well like, like, as if you become yourself that you are the most may be in some cases like so Yes, I think that's probably current president, I don't think I agree with that. Let's talk about being a

Yeah. I think Trump's a pretty people freak out about the personal power in general, you you are the most important and You know, it's interesting, in is more more of a good point is where you convince yourself that without you. And that's like a you brought up Trump and see stuff posted by Trump all Trump supporters, but guess they're probably sort of they basically talk like, office and they're like, it's all about how he is was chosen

he's this and that. I mean, it's about Trump, how he's basically imagine the guy that's already narcissistic tendencies? And like that and treating him like that's scary. He probably loves Oh, yeah. She goes back to probably also enjoys the to some degree, you know? Yeah, it's possible when it yeah. Because I mean, this whole you're having, like all the like, yeah, and all the people look, he's such a hero, because Well, either way, you're at really the center of all of it.

Exactly. Yeah. Why people still exist, and they're like, my prediction will they're going to say, see, we office. It's like, wait a said. You said he would be put it's gonna be another narrative predicted what happened, but would queue on on it's just a, write books about how crazy that Yeah, but I mean, it's still segments of Q anon Right? Like were like, Okay, I'll trust the were the Q anon people that Texas to see John F. Kennedy Jr. over the country.

Seriously. It means it's the overlap, but you could make part of what's happening with today. Like, like that they're right. No, and nobody else does. there too, because the evidence They manufacture this reality. something that could be part of it. Yeah, totally. No, that

And they, in my experience, they victim simultaneously of every never the bad guy. Yeah. It's know, for someone who is trying extremely wounded inferior project something that is reality. And so, it, it seems good. But to people that aren't better word, like distorted, like, so disconnected from talk about themselves, you know, yeah, right, because like, they false self isn't anchored in can go to places that other

line with reality. And they person but like, they'll be, you everyone, you know, because, you inherently charming, and right. That's how they rope And they're very good at least for a while. Yeah, I think maintain it online, to be than having to maintain it in maintain it in person, I feel time. Because online, you don't energy to it. So you can depending on the frequency, you're trying to convince. Yeah. And you also don't relationship is superficial, Exactly. You have to Yeah, exactly.

So we've been going almost a want to add that we haven't No, I just I, you know, I that, you know, I know that this very hard for you to talk about. know, commend you on that, in was asking before is, you know, talk about, but I think that you're discussing here today, stands out to me is not just but finding a path away from it.

this, the government, you know, a lot of people that are living maybe haven't even recognized hopefully, what you're it, you know, and then give them step away from it and make hopefully stop that from just, you know, I think it's an know, it's hard to talk about, Well, you know, I have more know, tack it on to the end of because, you know, I, I would why I care so much about them, where it came from, but I didn't conversation, because like we've think there's a much more

that. And, you know, I feel like people can get something Absolutely. I mean, I think, is, I think people will listen give them the courage to try to And I think that's positive, no Well, you know, in my case, gaslighting, when we talked time, it becomes hard to know that's actually how it is like you're like instilled with this like, is it really is me that I And you know, really, the only take notes of what you you refer back to it, that it

had to do that. And it was thing was that I had to stories of other people that had I had to, I had to read a load different people all sorts of whole Reddit about this, and websites where people talk about really helpful and like hard, especially when there's thing to and, yes, we didn't even get into that makes it exponentially more Yeah, well, you know, I into it, I guess. But it was. I didn't mean for now. go ahead.

Well, it's all a matter of when you're talking about going the powers that be or a toxic of entanglement are different people that like live a certain entangled with the powers that are very entangled, right, and individual case, or the get out of it. There's different depending on how entangled you mean, that sort of defines how contact? You know?

Absolutely, I guess I would know, I think that one of the story is that, you know, it is to make it to the, you know, gonna call it, but I do think you know, you can make these yourself in 1000 different ways, recognizing this and growing that's, again, that people can first step. You know, that's a But the thing about No time to realize that's the what they have to do. And the because they think the person don't change, no matter what you have to change them. And the

be in the government. Nothing is you can vote as hard as you change. That's the whole point basically become a meme now of is about the shadow government the elected offices are the end of the day, right? So change. So you can participate the election, and think that system from within by voting for going to happen, it will still

same. And the only way to free free yourself from the insanity on you is to have nothing to do Because it's they're not going that the system or the person disentangling yourself from is going to change, no contact forward, ultimately. Absolutely. Yeah, I think here is really the overarching that people need to learn from things that are affecting their Well, you know, like I said feeling like I deserve to be There's people that will take so and not do anything about it.

what people are enduring right doing much about it. It's kind think people, not just in the conditioned and used to being by the government, as like, people are just used to it. And it really shouldn't be scary. Think about? Well, I think it's I think I mean, if you look at right being sent into essentially a people in Maui are getting like are worth like, you know, definitely way more than $700. I mean, it's ridiculous. It's It that's meant to be and so there's, you know, an

tragedies. Exactly. And there's American tragedies, where it's or it made the situation worse. benefit of people that finance of the government itself. It's think the difference now is that it. But we have to do something exactly. Because if you're relationship, and you do nothing your kids. You know, what good same is true of the government the powers that be if you're system is working to enslave you doing nothing about it and going to a system that wants to

control you. Why are you not that, you know, yeah, exactly. So that's step. Totally. And, you know, it some people here you know, like, build a new system, exit like, Oh, I'll do that later and thing, but you have to take abusive relationship, or, you like off of the system in some like, bam, overnight, right? You you have to take step towards,

it at some point. So, you know, context of both, you know, the in interpersonal relationships, level, and maybe it can help looking at it in a different hadn't really noticed those and I felt like it was helpful eye opener, you know, for me, lot of this stuff, you know, a hopefully it helps somebody be awesome. I learned plenty today, stories and stuff that I looked thanks for setting this up. I powerful. Yeah. Well, thanks, Ryan. everybody, thanks so much for my deepest appreciation to

and unlimited hangout. I know, put out much content at all, for of, you know, the obvious just can't describe how grateful really difficult time. Because, support from my parents, I don't father. And, you know, it's that have really, you know, kept I can't think thank you guys enjoyed this podcast, I know, you know, things I normally do.

interested, after, you know, I sharing a little bit more about, the intro, you know, giving an questions and talking about some for me to talk about, but you know, why I ended up doing truth. And, you know, what's thank you, Brian. And thanks,

right, for those of you still where I guess I get more since I have, you know, platform of significance. So, focus of the discussion not be because I think there's, you Ryan, something much bigger to like I said earlier, you know, feel like I can, you know, feel like, I am afraid of two personal life, and it's not that afraid of them all the time, but from sharing my experience, and, and interviews when I'm asked etc, etc. because I was worried you know, the core of that is,

them. And, as I've said, on, you feel like when you have any sort know, they have power over you. know, part of my, you know, factor in my life anymore. To be you know, some of the, you know, the past, about, you know, why I about this stuff. And, you know, really been able to answer fully know, other reasons that I sort in the podcast, so I'm going to long, because this episode, I on on the long side, but I'll

the pertinent points across. So And my dad's a lawyer, my mom's a lot of problems with my mom sister who's about 14 months, younger than me, so about a year she was born, you'll see she had problems I had to go to a lot of wasn't anything, you know, like

through recently. And he, and an excuse to say that, you know, I got, you know, she was Civilis, she was overwhelmed by doctor's appointments and being don't really remember my sister definitely a few things here and for various reasons, including was stressed all the time, I was grandparents, I got sent over week, for a couple days, until I 10 or 11. And, you know, you know, for for months. And lot of ways, I was raised just

parents. But my mom in general, it very clear that she was a guess, and, you know, wasn't to put it, not really interested that I was sort of like the odd kind of feeling I had from a sometimes it was really nasty. car, when I was seven, my mom how I would have turned out, she had me, you know, like, terminated them. My pregnancy, out later, and stuff like that to a seven year old, but um, it

the time I was 13 or so. And my mom's brother, who, you know, thought he was a really lovely fun, did nice things for us paid you know, I was having problems dating a guy that she didn't break up with him. And it was didn't want to so we were And somewhere in there, she him for all the problems that lied about the nature of bliss it was because I was dating a because I'd gotten into drugs, the time. And little did I know drug and alcohol issues. And so

all of these things. And I don't conversation, because I didn't shortly after it happened, my me and bragged about how my don't know, it didn't really mean, I remember being just sort my mom would make up something about making him upset. But I lady, she does kind of seem to people down and then kicking lot of stuff, you know, I before this, that, you know, she how growing up, she felt like, paid more attention to him than had been the same way and that attention that she'd been denied

jealousy about him. So I'm sure the time. But anyway, this was about it. And I thought it was would insert this, you know happen. And I was like, How does uncle because I didn't know past at the time either. But I the next day and the day after, made that phone call to him that found dead had apparently killed knew that I knew about the phone other person besides me that know, my mom, pretty clearly to terrified, I guess that I would

they might believe me. And so, started this big smear campaign the church, my family went to attended my school, and, you that I, I was crazy, I was a problems, I mean, just making up whole bunch of stuff that that did kind of try and, you know, out, because it was really did a lot of other things to try grounded me all the time, she outside of school, like I kind ever. And a lot of, but she'd out and do stuff. And my dad was of times, I was alone, with her really crazy stuff, stuff that

disturbing. She didn't let me even took the locks off of the that she could like scream at me like all of this stuff, that in retrospect, but at the time, obviously awful. And, you know, her mission to make me terrified kind of didn't succeed in doing wasn't going to tell anybody really close with my uncle's parents, who, because I were after my uncle died. And I more suffering. And I did try tell my dad at one point. He But you know, now he believes more recently, because, you

is at this point. And I told that later on became sort of grandparents. And, you know, she and said, not to tell them not grandparents passed away, that it. And so, you know, my mom that. So she was, you know, to make sure I didn't talk. And, I've offered to tell her, but doesn't, doesn't want to know. much been carrying on a really long time. My grandparents died was 2018. So it's, it's been a still sort of been keeping the intentionally, just because, you

talking about it. It was a was essentially trying to ruin kill myself, like my uncle guide me on about that stuff and you know, everything about me lot of just a lot of really really like to look back on and of the reasons that I care so that, you know, for for several believed me about what was going that did, I started from all the

home. I started having like a form of epilepsy, but it was so I got sent to a neurologist specialist lady that was like a know, had both of those that lady knew what was going life to be honest, because my the house. So I tried to leave know, was complicated. So, you tried, I found one place I could for a week. And, you know, it But anyway, this lady wrote a

accepted to. And they let me aid as an independent, so I was college and not have to worry parents house indefinitely, to college, if I acquiesced to, wasn't interested in him got off on a tangent there. But lot about what I do is because I had one adult, believe me, and I was like, 18, and my uncle died years of being the only person

right. And, you know, being know, obviously, when you're in you care about the truth, an realize that it's, it's really only person that knows that it's can be lonely sometimes, you something personal, like what being too early in realizing conspiracy theories are true. lot of a lot of my experiences didn't trust authority at all, easier for me to see, than most

all the time. And, you know, to in power, because, you know, if have something to cover up, people that are supposed to care than anyone else in the world.

know, realizing that stuff, I was in college about 21, or 20 was really lonely, then, now, the same thing for my personal family knows that, what my mom I left home, it got directed and or less run out of people to, to know, it can be it can be really And, you know, I guess, even lonely, as a teenager, you know, to that, and always tried to happened, that I wasn't that I stuff, and that I wasn't crazy know, it's not exactly what I interviews, when I guess that know, I guess from now on, I'll

this podcast, so I don't have to

about it. Anyway, so I ended up or pretty much broke off ties calls from my grandparents who I always tried to get me you know, convince me you know, she wasn't trying to protect them from you know, it was hard to really for a long time and I really them at all until I was I don't was born was just, you know, the So anyway, I went to college I experience there either because around my mom really tired of because you know her, you know, podcast has been talking about superficial social, I mean, a

fake. I heard people comment on it was this kind of like larger Lydian partying and all of this off from that in college and the mostly rich kids, and I was was on like 100% financial aid spend on, you know, whatever. kind of a black sheep there, for know, didn't take a lot of great the academic side of it, had to

obviously has helped me now. And know, write relatively complex had to do a lot of that in to was really writing intensive, just got really fed up with how and I sort of blamed a lot of it culturally about the US, I just people who'd been around really everyone in the US was, you cared about all this fake stuff. there was no, there was nothing lot of the time. And, you know, started getting really sick. And couple doctors, and they were nothing wrong with you. And I,

with me. So, you know, I got to miserable. I was like, Well, I miserable and probably, you for real. And do the thing I do. You know, which, because I my mom win. Or I, you know, I go totally new life. And so that's to South America, I sold the you know, just pretty much left live and work in Peru, I worked nowhere. But the closest major Machu Picchu is for those that you know, I worked there for a the issue I was having, which But I you know, it took me a

exactly what was going on. But, electricity where I was working, but it was turned on once a of hard manual labor and stuff. pretty good for me. But heads with the lady that ran it a lot. But you know, she'd been there on this mountaintop and a drinking problem and it was there. And so you know, I ended because I didn't have any money mean Peruvian currency and least it wasn't then as the as couldn't afford to go back to and food service for a couple of friends and life was all right.

know, everyone was busy and I I went for a walk on this, this you know, five minutes from my been there before and stuff but have gotten there alone and I Peruvian guy. And it was life where I really felt like I thankfully I did it. And you obviously traumatized from the know it, I was still going to be Cusco but then the guy that did was like walking in the area really unsettling to me. And so the restaurant I worked at was a she likes not like this. Why

Chile a chance. And you know I his friends from college that management stuff in the past and said maybe he can help you find that's how I ended up in Chile.

were rough for the first two though Chile was definitely a than Peru. And once I started make enough income to live off profession about two years after like, the last half of 2016. And daughter was born. And during my with this new agey religion that part of, and things for us got and also progressively more pulling way too much weight in You know, I was doing pretty also the breadwinner, winter and our relationship and really, no things effectively. And on top spiritual differences made it

relationship. And so I ended it turned two, and a few months turned upside down with COVID. abruptly and not long after lockdowns in Chile started which than the lockdowns implemented I've talked about this on, you

previous podcast. So I was feeling, kind of overwhelmed COVID happening, work was even know, there was so much going research so much and urgently was happening globally, every scramble to figure out, like, happen next, you know, and so top of that, I had to juggle, produce all this stuff with zero trying to write why a spunky two me, and, you know, we can't go locked down. So after about six talking to the guy who was podcast, who is my son's father.

questions about who, you know, framed himself as being the I lacked at the time, and really daughter's father, you know, him, talking about how great he offer exactly the relief that I was really desperate for. And hadn't been so worn down and have thought a lot more about him down to visit us in Chile, even done it at all. But I was

can find it a lot in him. I told parents how all that had happened, you know, after I left really empathetic, really cared, wonderful, and that we shared was this, you know, element of so he came down at the end of time he was here, it was really daughter, because, you know, we And, but during this time to you about how I had to get away from things were only going to get

awful. Everything about it was feel really afraid to stay over his country, the United Kingdom, bad as they were in Chile, that over there, things were still And, you know, when I agreed to told me things like Oh, I feel since he essentially made it I stayed in Chile, it was me and my daughter. And you home and was due to fly out of capital in about nine hours been living. That's when And of course it's right when I

independence in my life. You night we were staying in an something, I can't really I know, I was basically angling emotional support from him. know, jittery and insecure about for, you know, an indefinite know, with my kid until and, you I basically just wanted a hug, you know, elicited the complete been hoping for, and instead, I aggression, verbal abuse, just I was, and just telling me, you at me about how I'm awful, you it, I was really taken aback know, provoked this response,

convince him to stop. You know, anything to get, you know, you can, we can talk about more calm, and like, let's not and all this stuff, and none of know, I got really upset, for like, a really long time. felt really vulnerable to and, couldn't even talk afterwards, I afterwards, you know, he gave me apologize, and then started

outburst. And, you know, I tried this and some similar outbursts, that happened during the rest of being stressed by traveling, or about being responsible for, you a bachelor for so long or know, over time, it became the case. So, you know, once we true that I could take my pretty much everything else was was not as accommodating for us, also, you know, pretty much anywhere, because he didn't papers to show to justify

Chile for a long time. So I know, like, even though the you know, they weren't as bad as still really unpleasant, and I stay long term. And, you know, And it was pretty clear that he by the fact that I, I didn't more. And, you know, during got there, I also learned that work in the UK. So I started bank account, which he would there. And that was the start of slope that eventually led me to

money. You know, what it was I couldn't buy anything without couple of weeks after we from that point on, things downhill. And some months later, about if I hadn't gotten afraid that I would have just know, there's a part of me that have a baby to keep me in the detail how hard it had been, for to juggle one kid on my own as a guess he might have known, I to leave if I meant having to, know for sure, but, you know,

thought about. So my, my second difficult compared to my first of months, it was a lot of time. I had really low energy and keep working. And a big part just so much more expensive than afford not to work and, you contributed, contributing very you know, it's my income anyway.

all of our shared expenses and because I didn't have access to know, he treated any attempt on statements is me not trusting argument that, you know, being and all that I didn't really know, it was during this time of abuse that started to emerge, emotionally disconnected from angry and be really aggressive me deescalate the situation or he would keep going and pushing would break down, at which like he was empathetic again, good it was that I was now and that I was connecting again.

wasn't disconnected, I was just pregnancy, a poorly supported by doing all the domestic stuff and all that stuff, you know, without a support network you know, just arrived to a only person I knew. So you know, trying to push me to react so down, he'd not only reward me which he would normally me that, you know, me crying, was a sign that I had severe mentally ill. And I needed to him more, and do things the way tried to give me the impression me. And, you know, I was already

there. So, you know, I didn't me anyway. And it was clear to things that would set him off or most of the time, and it left me quickly. So one of the biggest night where I had tried to turn really loud snoring, he had a I'd known people in college and that it used like white noise block out noise like in their thought it was like a normal minutes, he woke up, he was accusing me of trying to hurt And he went on like this, not

for several days. And he even trying to use CIA MK Ultra the fact that I could have not him and how awful it was to turn snoring. And I, you know, I outs, you know, they happened in three year old daughter, white noise thing, he threatened trying to kill him. And like all would never say in front of a young, and, you know, after there would be these explosions lols, you know, but the whole pregnant and no longer in me feeling trapped. And, you

quickly. And that was really sensation living at my parents mom, except that this time, my too. And, you know, by this positive aspects of the at the beginning, had had in conversations in constantly just talk about what he wanted to do what he tried to contribute to the me like with disdain, like I was in his conversation or I was you know, I was telling him that know, was stroking his ego so it know, belittle like, like also during this time I found said about the ease of getting

false. And so of course, I account and regain my And because he had not told me when I came into the country by went to look into it myself that able to get residency was if I spousal visa. And he had, of well. But given how things had did not want that. So about a up leaving the UK, and I was in total, we were traveling to stressed during the trip and had huge explosion in our hotel room

And it was just awful. I mean, hours, if not more being took my daughter and went down I think he stormed out of the stay there for him to come back. room for me and my daughter. So I didn't know how he'd be if he you know, unsettled, obviously. were staying in a separate room, was leaving, he was going to go London where we were living. And daughter all alone in London on a hotel room trying to get deescalate stuff. And, you know,

anyone in London or the UK. I through work, desperately trying this really messed up situation. six, and he texted me saying he room we were in. And now than we to Cardiff and canceled all the London in the first place. And he was able to recognize he had go to therapy. But then when want to find a therapist. It's tried to set him up with one And he said the first session great. And then after that, you to be crazy and was doing all

to go back. And you know, it was weird, but I've never worked know, trying to find somebody to to do it himself, I guess. And, out to her and asked if she had And she said she hadn't. But you just know that he decided I had recommended her. And every time should consider therapy again, up as a way to shut down the event and a few other blow ups that one, I started having peer group at her daycare. She

her age. So other three to four her age and this girl's brother, pants of other kids and like underwear and they called it the didn't really like that my game at home with me. And there That I had noticed, you know, my you know, from the school and I I'm gonna try and put her this other school closer to some neighbors who had their really good. So it's just kind he said he would do that for me, and he would enroll her there. he said, I asked, you know, so heard from them. And he said he

first email he'd sent. So I going to do it, if he could just like less than five blocks away so I could get my daughter back paying for sitters hourly, it's know. So anyway, his response to an email that they wouldn't that that email he had sent said Care because my daughter had had to a, quote, sexual situation. immediately to that. But they essentially told them that the allowed but had instigated and touch each other's private

nappy game. And so the new police and social services and a filed and investigation was based on a warps narrative that originally prompted me to take because as far as what my had observed, this was two kids without any sort of sanctioning instead of owning up to the fact exaggerated the situation, he decided to accuse my daughter's and grooming enablers without totally lost it when I didn't when we didn't have evidence for

email. Because, you know, courts blogging or publishing stuff know, so to make what he felt he my daughter after several camera, a version of events that narrative. And he said that I you know, was a pedo enabler, daughter from paedos. And, you was already pretty worn down by Social Services launched an previous daycare, and they came by our house unexpectedly one and then to my daughter, one on

me with my daughter. And when I wanted me to say to them, listening outside the room, we exploded at them and me, and he them out of the house. And a day services people who had been because she asked for it when house. And she asked to speak to girl had noticed that my three and he had his meltdown leading this happened regularly in front lady afterwards, because, you

just completely trapped. But I had been created over my was just spiraling out of turn into major legal trouble worse, and all the complete accountability, or have like, at all, which he you know, shown just made it clear that this was And, you know, I had to get out mention the fact that I was just really started to become scared because it's not like it got any worse and more aggressive and And it was just, I'd never been

relationship before. And so to services, ended up coming by a our relationship more and reach leave him in the UK, by there, I'd have to marry him. daughter and my son once he was custody because of my ex's unacceptable outcome. So I problem was that I didn't have because I would have to go And then he would know I was tell him I was going to leave had done to try and keep me a couple of friends intervene. I told my ex I had to go back to about the social services stuff,

options. And he said he was and that I could come back when so he acquiesced and I was just, confrontation of him and me leaving because I wanted To him anymore. I just felt like I was time. So in in late August of after all of this, and my son at the end of December. And in my ex from a safe distance that him, and I, you know, how I

over there. But shortly before that he knew that he had been anxiety, that his decade long problem with another medication And that if he sorted it out, everything would be the way it it was the meds, right. And with a newborn baby into four rebuild my life and Chile and know, my book that came out last and received him here again, and to leave here, you know, I independence again, on and, you spent in the UK, it was just a He was constantly trying to

Chile again. And all I was a move right now, because I just deadline, you know, wait till know, that wasn't even enough. than three months later. But winter. And it was I got bogged to juggle the kids, my looming work maintaining a household by after years of being told that relationship that had ever if I could just try my absolute

it could work. And I think a lot partially relate related to this strategy that's detailed crumbing, where a narcissist can seems like they're rational or for something, which makes you in that you just had to do then things can work out, you too, was just the emotional pain mother forever and wanting my like, I felt like I had to give for things to work out. Because, single mom with two kids, it's with two different dads, it's date again. So, you know, I felt

about him. And, you know, since sowing doubt, playing on your I felt like I could, you know, that would make it better. And time, you know, and, I mean, I experiences at this point that anyway, he came back last things were mostly, you know, been before, at least, you know, I guess, early January. And in gone to her father's house, and hitting her when I wasn't about it by phone, and I told my felt that she had probably set hadn't seen her dad in a while, unavailable. So my daughter did

the truth. And you know, you that could have serious ex just went so far beyond and he became like obsessed with things like isolating her and with her brother not letting her coloring or doing or thinking panic attacks and anxiety naughty during the weekend and the time my daughter said this January. It went on until the my ex for the last time so this going on every day at home. because it was just so extreme he wouldn't let me have a saying couldn't say anything about it

explosive fight. And in public, different story, because he stepdad. And, you know, but even that knew him too, they can tell on between him and my daughter. up, did break up with him. And, daughter, it was about how he reason he gave us to why I didn't have anything to do with with me, or caring about me or about how my relationship was independent media. So he been using me, you know, the beginning. And, you know, mom after my uncle's death, and escalated, when she was afraid

what she had done. To my uncle, that maybe that's what my ex had maybe she hadn't been lying to know, that's something I'll, going to ask bring it up to her

to be behind us. But you know, my accent, you know, I did I sent him away, because I could felt like my daughter was childhood, I could see, you it was just like watching four know, and I just did not want just know how, how painful it important job as a parent is to from continuing, and I am to talk about it, because I embarrassing and awful, that it something about it, I should But you know, you know, you with a narcissist, and maybe you that are really hard to break

to almost nothing. They fill you weak, you know, like paralyzed think of one positive thing from it's that I understand my, my know, for a long time, I never relationship where someone was miserable, and his kids were I was him in my last last three months. So you know,

a little more. So I'm so here succinct summary as I can really narcissists, how it's affected struggle that I've had as a boundaries to stick up for truth is, because, you know, got, I basically had my mom against me when I was a teen.

repeated itself while my son has and my my son's father, who how he could help or support his fundraised off of my son's involved with us when he wasn't, any of that money here, spent behind my back to work closely with contributors to my articles with, and people he via my website and so on, while he didn't actually do on my book website, and then also trying to that we were still together, because he knows I don't like conflict, and that I was

it. But I did say something to set things straight that he he's made it very clear that he crazy hit piece on me or want to live with fear or worry what his narrative is about me me, I just want to move on and and not giving him any thought. care, I've left supporting about this in the show notes. time I plan on speaking about because as I said before, I'm I'm not planning on talking event. You know, that me having realize that they're in abusive an experience similar to mine,

it's worth it to so. You know, listen to me and my story.