Hey Listeners, we're continuing our series on overcoming obstacles and today we're tackling a topic that is near and dear to my heart - overcoming the critics.
After launching this podcast, I've been overwhelmed by the response. The number of notes I've received, encouraging words, kind comments. But… if I'm being honest… not all feedback has been uplifting. Truth-be-told, no one has been UN-kind, but there have been a couple passive aggressive comments. Words that, while maybe not intended to cut this work down, words that certainly weren't intended to lift it up.
You see - that's how you know we're doing the right work. This change that we're driving - encouraging and supporting women to step up and step out -- it's a rebalancing of sorts. A reorientation towards a more equitable world… might make some folks uncomfortable - mostly the men who've been chilling at the top of the power pyramid for way too long.
But here's the good news… it won't make the good men uncomfortable. They will be relieved to see you owniing who you are because, if they really care about you… that's what they want for you. They want you to be all of who you've been created to be. They want you to feel comfortable in your skin, they want you to feel confident in your ideas, they want you to feel courageous in your choices.
So, why then, are we so impacted by critics? I know that the work I'm doing is changing the landscape for the people I want to connect with… so why, when a comment that comes at me sidesways does a tiny piece of me crumble?
Because we're hardwired for that approval… and we've been trained to seek it. Remember - we are hardwired to prioritize community and connection above all else… so when someone says something or writes something that alienates us from connection with them… we feel that.
But here's what I need you to know… that power we have for bringing people together is a power that also must learn to discern WHAT people to bring together. Not everyone gets a seat at your table, ladies.
The people in the cheap seats, eating their popcorn and enjoying the show that you call your life - those people don't get a front row seat… ever, for any reason.
You see, criticism often stems from a place of insecurity or fear, and those are not ours to own. Because we prioritize community, we also tend to blur boundaries. These critics are just trying to regain their power - and that makes sense. Feeling out of control is scary. But - those feelings they have are not yours to take care of. Shining your light does not dim there's… and if they don't understand that, recommend a good therapist to them and be on your way. Your worth is NOT determined by them or their validation.
So - we're just supposed to ignore the critics? No… that would be impossible - at least for me. I suppose if you can ignore them, feel free to skip the rest of this podcast and congratulations on your accomplishment.
We don't ignore them - we learn from them. Every voice, even the dissenting ones, has something to teach us about ourselves and the world around us. The key is to listen, but not let the criticism to dim you - instead you need to use it as fuel to propel you forward.
I love Ruth Bader Ginsburg - I'm not talking about loving her politics… I'm talking about loving her perspective. She was relentless in her pursuit of a better world for women. One of my all-time favorite quotes is this:
“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks."
That is what this is about. It's about someone's feet on your neck because they're afraid of what you might do or who you might become if you're not being held back. These critics can be your boss, your coworker, your neighbor, your friend, your partner's friend, a community member… it doesn't matter. And, by the way - these critics I'm talking about can be women - sometimes our fellow ladies are the worst offenders.
But the key to moving forward and removing that foot from your neck is to remember this… their comment is not about you… it's about them. It's about their fear, their ego, their smallness. You do not need to respond by getting bigger or smaller…. You need to respond by placing their criticism exactly where it needs to be… in their world, not yours… and moving on.
The note you should take from them, however, is that you are on the right path - because when the critics come out of the cheap seats, you know you've done something to catch their attention… you know you're shining more brightly, stepping more boldly into who you are.
Here's the big truth - Being who you are meant to be is hard work and it isn't for the faint of heart. You will get beat down, knock over and laid out. But - the real test is whether you get back up and keep moving forward.
In my example at the start of this story - I don't want to mislead you… those critics hurt my feelings. I felt beat down and discouraged. But - I then looked to the people at my table and they reminded me what voices mattered. It's not the voices that are the loudest, it's the voices that are closest… those that are in my inner circle. Those are the voices I prioritize to set myself back on a path filled with courage and determination.
So - I want to be that voice for you, my friend. Notice the dissenters, sure. Learn from them, of course. But then… take their damn foot off your neck and move forward… because they are small… and you were created for something much bigger.
Until next time - keep leading with courage and confidence and remember that you deserve to be unleashed.