Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Unlearn with Bianca. If you're tuning in for the first time, then welcome. On this podcast we explore everything around self healing, health, personal growth, the mind body connection, relationships and more. Hey guys, I hope everybody is doing well. This time I am coming to you all the way from Dun Dun Dun. New Zealand, Auckland, New Zealand. Yes, I am finally home after seven weeks.
And to be honest, it's, it's bittersweet because on one hand, I'm really glad to be back and into routines. work's really busy that's really positive. At the same time, I had a really amazing time away. I met some really cool people, explored different areas, skipped winter, basically. So very grateful for that.
Um, but I will be honest, you know, we only ever see one side of things on social media, and there were definitely times towards the end of the trip, after being with myself for so long, that, uh, yeah, we're, you know, I was starting to feel like a little bit lonely, a little bit isolated. And I think when you spend so much time by yourself in your own space, there's a lot of reflection time and things can come to the surface.
Um, so yeah, there was a bit of that as well, but on the whole had an amazing time and I'm just so glad that I really follow these whispers and I really follow what lights me up and I've become really confident in my decisions. It was really cool to get some feedback after the last episode I put out, That I recorded overseas with my friend Hayley Sharp, which had a video with it.
So we recorded that in a studio and it was so nice to just go and have this video set up, have all the editing set up, do our thing and then just leave and it was all taken care of. So after doing that and having that experience, I Oh, I'm like I want to bring in more of this. A lot of people probably don't realize that, this podcast is coming out of my back pocket, meaning like, I'm funding it, it takes quite a lot of time and energy to do all the editing and that kind of thing.
So I'm definitely, going to start looking at ways I can change that, and I'm more than open to sponsorship opportunities and collaborations and being open to people pointing me in the right direction as well. Because one thing that I'm really moving through is, Receiving help and receiving support, When we have operated in a way for a period of time, our nervous system, our wiring, it becomes really habitual.
And there was a period there where I used to be like, quite frustrated that I felt like I was doing everything myself with business and in a lot of ways in life. And then I realized, well, actually, if I'm going to receive, if I'm going to lean into receiving more, I need to state what I'm looking for help and support with. So more recently I've started to look for support and also ask people to connect me with people and, and actually ask. then things are starting to happen.
And so it's a, it's a nice reminder that I've really needed to lean into and also for you as well. When you speak what you need sometimes things happen. So yes, back to the video and the podcast. I'm intending on doing more of them. If you enjoy watching the videos, and let's just see how I get there.
I don't know, this is a bit of a journey, and it's really cool that people have been listening in from the start and really pointing me in the right direction as well, we also had the first self sourced group coaching program call last night, I'm so lit up by what I will be sharing and offering these ladies in the group we're really going to dive into desires, to boundaries, to the body, to the nervous system, creating safety, letting go of people pleasing.
So really look forward to hearing and seeing the transformations that these women will have after being together for eight weeks. Okay, so let's get into today's How to become a co creator in your own life. What does that actually mean? Well, I was almost going to call this episode manifesting, but I knew I'd probably lose some people if I said that. So co creation, it's essentially the same thing.
To become a co creator in your life, you are taking control, you are creating with life, you are making empowered choices, working towards goals, rather than just being swayed. By life and being at the mercy of life. So I am a co creator. You are a co creator. I really believe that we are all born co creators. It's not something weird. It's not something magic. It's not mysterious. It's, but it's a skill that we can really start to build and practice.
And it's really about aligning your thoughts, your energy, and your creativity. and taking action to get a desired outcome in life or to reach a desired goal in life. That is how we start to co create what we want in this life. So throughout this episode I will use the words co creating, manifesting, um, working toward the desired outcome. I'll, I'll use those terms interchangeably. Basically they're all the same thing.
It's about working with life and and bringing in the experiences, the people, the things that we really want. I believe, like I mentioned just before, we are all co creators, it's just that sometimes we're not aware, consciously aware, of what we are co creating. So for example, it's like breathing, you know, we are breathing 24 7.
But it's not until we bring awareness to the breath that we can really change the breath, slow it down, speed it up, focus it, and it's the same with creating or manifesting. We are thinking every single day. We are focusing our energy every single day. It's just that often we aren't aware of what's going on beyond the surface because it's autopilot. So we might be having thoughts that actually aren't serving us.
We might be focusing on our energy on what we don't want rather than what we do want. So that's why I say co creating and manifesting, it's a skill and it's something that we can really work on. Think about, have you ever met someone that just seems to magnetize things in their life? I've definitely met people like this, that everything that they say is going to happen, it starts to happen. Everything they want, they seem to get pretty quickly.
Chances are, they have just built the muscle and the focus to manifest efficiently, quickly, and they're really honed in on the skill. So this is what. I want to talk about today. I'm really going to talk you through what I do because I like to keep things simple, and, you know, I've said this on other episodes, I think if things aren't simple, if things aren't easy to implement, we're likely not going to do them. It feels overwhelming.
I like to do a practice daily and I'll share the ins and outs of that soon. As I was thinking about this episode, I really thought, when was my first experience with co creation, manifestation, and It actually went back to the time that I got well, the, the time that I recovered from chronic pain. recovering from chronic pain was my first. Big aha moment around the power of our thoughts, the power of aligning our energy, the power of consistency and the power of action.
Because for me to recover from chronic pain, I really had to change habitual thought processes. I had to, embody a different energy and I did that through visualization. I had to show up consistently and after doing that consistently over a period of time, I completely shifted the physiology in my body. And that to me at the time was just like, it was Mind blowing. I thought this is crazy, you know, the power of our brain, the power of our mind.
We are, I believe, only a little bit tapped into what is truly possible. So, I am going to share what exactly you can do to start manifesting your desires, to start co creating. Number one, the first thing is to take radical responsibility of where you are currently at, without shaming yourself.
This is really, really important because to get anything we want in life, we need to, we need to have an internal locus of control, meaning we need to recognize that we are influential, that we do have power, and, uh, We can't be in a victim mindset of life is just happening to me. Everything is out of my control. Yes, you can fall into that from time to time. That's fine, but we can't stay in that mindset. So it's actually just about acknowledging where you are at currently.
For example, if you're currently dealing with limited funds and money is difficult at the moment, you could just say, Oh, it's just who I am. It's just the way life is and being broke. I'm just a broke person. But I want to remind you that that's not actually who you are. It's a, it's a current set of circumstances that are happening. Uh, perhaps there's some belief systems come from the past and generational stuff that's still there.
It could be habits, you know, there's a whole lot of other stuff that's going on, but. Being broke, it's not who you are. So that is where we start to take our power back, where we start to take radical responsibility, when you realize your current situation is not your identity. And that's where we really start, if we want to start co creating and bringing things into life, we need to take that power back. So that's, that's one example.
So first thing, taking radical responsibility of where you are without shaming yourself. The second thing is, Defining what you want to happen or what you want in life, or what goals you have, with crystal clear clarity. Now, this part is really important, and it's often a step that people don't spend enough time on. Number one, because a lot of us don't know what we really want, Because we've been focusing so much on what we don't want.
And I see this a lot with my clients because if they've come to me, you know, experiencing years of fatigue and I say, what do you want? And they just say, I don't want fatigue. And I'm like, yeah, but how do you want to feel? Wow, I don't know, I just want to get through the day. Okay, but what's more than that? Can we, can we aim higher than that? I, you know, uh, have energy to kick a ball. And, how would that feel? Who would you be doing it with?
So, it's really about allowing yourself to think. Best case scenario, do I want? What do I want to happen? And this is why creating space, whether it be five minutes in your week, five minutes in your day, just space where you can even ask yourself that question is really important because so often, we're just reacting and responding throughout our day. There's no space. There's no window of opportunity to even Ask ourselves these questions.
And time and energy are our biggest commodities as humans. So we need to use them really wisely when we get them. So yeah, creating that space where you can ask, what do I want? And getting a really clear picture. So what I used to do, which didn't work so well, I would say, I want this amount of money. I want, I don't know, 500, 000. That would be nice. Uh, but that's not enough clarity. how would I actually use that money? What would that money bring me? Would I be sharing it with people?
Would I be investing it into something? What feeling would it give me? How would it be different than what's currently happening? Another example might be, I want a relationship.
This is why when people are bringing in and calling in a new relationship, relationship coaches say, make a list of, Things that you want in someone so you can really start getting a good picture of what kind of qualities you are looking for, which I absolutely think has its pros, but also we need to match that kind of picture as well. And so we can be drawing in the right people and being a match to that type of person coming in. That's a whole side conversation.
So getting really clear on what it is you want. always find it really interesting that usually it's not the specific thing that we want that actually should be the focus. It's the emotion that comes with it. For example, if someone wants. energy and they want to get their health back. It's the feeling they'll get when they're playing with their kids. It's the feeling that they'll get at the end of the day being with family and friends. That's what they really want.
So that's why I'm saying get descriptive with it. Another thing to really consider is making it something that, um, Feel slightly out of reach, slightly exciting, slightly scary, but it's still in line with your current subconscious programming. So what I mean by that is, if you said to me, Bianca, I want to make a million dollars, and I said, Amazing! That's great! Great. So how does it feel when I, when you say that you might sit there and reflect and think, Oh yeah, I don't, I don't know.
It feels good, but I don't know how the hell I'm going to get there. And then I see, what about if you say 500, 000, you might say, yeah, I mean, that feels good too, but it feels like maybe it will happen in 10 years time. And it's still a lot. And I still feel a bit nervous. And then if I brought it down to say, I don't know, 200, 000 and you sat with it.
And you were like, oh, yeah, okay, this feels scary, but it feels doable, because you can sort of see it within your realm of how you can get there. That is the point that we want to work with. I think, so often when we think of manifesting and co creating, we think of like these massive dreams and massive goals, and yeah, you can do that, but to really build the confidence and to really, Uh, work with the nervous system.
We want to be co creating and manifesting things that are slightly just out of our comfort zone. Because that's where we can really start to gain evidence that it's possible. So, writing down things that feel Oh a little bit scary but, but almost doable with a bit of work and a bit of confidence and a bit of jumping into the unknown. That's the point that we want to be working with.
Okay, so the first point is getting really clear about what it is that you actually want, not what you don't want, and starting to feel out how that would be, if it was in your reality. Now the next thing to do is to Practice gratitude. Get somewhere comfortable. This is what I do. I do it in the morning. And I really practice gratitude for what I currently have.
And this is because if we are not practicing gratitude for what we currently have, and we're wanting all these things, it's just not going to work. Because we have no gratitude for what's working now, and we get into frustration of what we haven't got. So I sit there and I, I do a gratitude list of like five to 10 things that I'm grateful for in life, in my day. And then with the desires, the desired outcomes or the goals that I have, I start to write them down.
And for me, I use this thing called notion. It's like a. I guess it's an app, a template thing, where I have different categories. I have finance, um, career, relationships, and maybe one or two other ones I can't remember. And I start to bullet point and write down those Things that I want. For example, I want this because it's going to make me feel like this. I want to be around people that are passionate in what they do, supportive people who enjoy this.
You get the picture, so you're starting to really write down those wants and put them pen to paper. Now the reason why this is good is because when we're writing something down we are, we're making a contract essentially, we are getting it pen to paper, we're putting it out there and we're making it more real. That's what I do in my little categories. Sometimes I don't have anything to add to the category. So I might open up, uh, my notion on one day and think, no, I've got nothing to add.
But I'll read over and refine what I've already put there. So I'll just consistently read, um, things that I want to bring into my life. Now if you want to take it a step further and do an advanced version, very optional, you can write down these desired outcomes in first person as if it was already happening. For example, I I am so proud of the work that I have put in in the gym. My body is feeling strong and I am lifting this much weight. That might be, if you have an exercise goal.
Or, I am finally earning a job. 500, 000 and it feels so good after all of the hard work I have put in. So you get the point, it's about speaking it as if it's already happened. So you can either say, I desire this outcome, or you can write it down as if it's happening in first person. Now I do want to say that you don't have to categorize different areas in life like I have.
If you're starting out, I would just simply write one or two bullet points down of things that you want to bring into your life, and just work with one or two things so you can start again to build that evidence that this is possible. Because it's like, lifting, I a weight at the gym. If you're trying to lift a really heavy weight and you haven't done any training, you're probably going to drop it. So we need to start with like, the smaller weights and build our way up.
Something else I do on my Notion template, which I call Dream Life, by the way. Um, I add images. So I'll add images that I find on Instagram, on social media, uh, locations, just different things, almost like a vision board, but I'll, I'll just add them in and pop them on this document so that I have a visual representation of What I desire as well as a written one too. So that might work for you if you're a visual person. So I practice gratitude. I write it down.
I reflect daily on what I'm wanting and then I get into a meditative state. This is number three, getting into a meditative state or a state where our nervous system is in the parasympathetic state. So essentially, Anything, any time or place when you are relaxed. This might be walking around the block. This might be sitting up in bed first thing in the morning. whenever you've got the space.
The reason why I say it's important that your body is in a relaxed state is because the word congruence is really important. And that means that we want the state that the nervous system is in to be the same as what we are desiring. So if you were easily making money, you want to feel easy in your body. You can't be thinking, I want all this money and be really rigid and uptight in your body. You have to really be embodying the energy of what you are desiring.
Now, I know this sounds a bit woo woo, but I'm trying to put it in like a science way. Basically, get into a relaxed state where you can let go, because that's where things start to happen. So I sit up in bed, I do this in bed, and I start visualizing. I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths in, and I am Reading, just before I do this, I'm reading what I want and then I start visualizing it. I start playing a movie and I, I put myself in the movie and imagine that these things are happening.
So I did this even before I started this podcast. I have said this on another episode. I would close my eyes and imagine myself. Doing exactly what I'm doing today. How would that feel? What would be around me? How would it look? What would I be saying to people? What would people be saying to me? It's really about connecting to the feeling of what that brings you. And I get my clients to do this when they are getting wow. I get them to project into the future about what it will feel like.
And visualise how they will feel when they are well, when their body is back in balance. So it's so, so powerful, visualisation, because the brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is not real. And you know, earlier I said if you're wanting money and you do something completely out of your nervous system's current range, 500, 000. It might feel really scary. You're going to find that really hard to visualize.
More than likely, because it's like you're not quite connecting with it. Whereas if you're visualizing something that's just out of your comfort zone, I don't know, 200, 300, I don't know. A hundred thousand, whatever it is, just out of your comfort zone, then it's going to be a lot easier to visualize and connect with. Do your best to visualize this playing out. You don't have to take long, like 20 to 30 seconds.
Seeing it through your own eyes, as if you're the main character in the movie, rather than being an observer. And you want to really experience this reality as if you're living it in first person. So, Think about what your loved ones would be doing around you. Think about hearing people's voices and cheering you on or the money coming into your hands or seeing it transferred into your bank account.
I keep going back to money, but it's an easy, it's an easy one for everyone to understand And the more you can do this, the more you connect to the feeling, the more you can see the details. The more that your brain's reticular activating system, the filtering system, starts to find evidence that this is possible and starts to direct its energy in that area throughout your daily life. So this is so important.
Visualizing and really connecting to what it would be like if that goal or desired outcome was fulfilled and was achieved. Right there for you. I'll give you some examples of feelings that you might want to get in touch with security peace, joy accomplishment, excitement, love, all of these feelings are are really powerful ones and they really shift, not only our neurology, but our physiology and our body as well. So, that is the next step, visualising.
If you're not someone who really connects with visualising, an alternative is something called scripting. which is kind of like just writing down what you want, but doing it in way more detail and allowing yourself to just. It's kind of freestyle and let it all come out on paper. So it's a bit less controlled.
It's, it's literally just writing it as if it's happening, but you might do a few pages So scripting is another way that you can really shift your physiology and your neurology and It's something more tangible that does the same thing as visualization. next step after visualizing and scripting is more of one that you start to implement just in your daily life. So this is where you really have to start questioning.
To get that desired outcome, to get that desired goal, the type of person that has that already. What do they really believe? What are their thoughts focused on day to day? What, what habits do they have? What actions do they take? What is their energy? Like, how are they showing up?
And when we can really take time to think about this, we can then start noticing in our day, day to day, when maybe our thoughts aren't really aligning with what we want, we can start pulling them back and shifting and start challenging our thoughts. Uh, this is a really important part because at Energy of what we want has to match what we are showing up as. And what I mean by that is that to get a desired outcome you almost have to start acting as if it's already happening.
You almost have to step into the identity of that person that already has that. So for example, we'll take the money one again. If you are wanting more abundance, someone that's abundant, they're not super, super constricted and concerned and don't go into full freak out mode if they spend a little bit more. You know, they are aware, but they're still relaxed in their body. They, um, are trusting. They are mindful. But they don't have this massive scarcity response.
So it's starting to look at and take, really take stock of your daily habits and think where is this not aligning with what I actually want and starting to challenge some of these habits and thought processes. What's actually coming to mind for me is my dancing journey. So I actually started dancing this year, at the age of 32. It's, you're never too late. It's honestly, it's changing my life. But what, why I started it is because I would see these people.
They had so much freedom in their body and they, they looked, so confident, you know, so in their body, in their flow. And I thought, to become that type of person, what steps am I going to have to take to get there? To have that type of confidence? What, what am I going to have to do to, to get to that place? So it's always thinking about like, yeah, who would that person be? Be showing up as, and how can I start being that person right now?
Finally, the last step, which is on the back of what I just spoke on, is taking action and learning new skills. We cannot just say, I want this and I expect it to magically happen. I used to do that quite a bit in the past. I don't know why I thought the universe would just drop it in and it would just magically happen. Well, unfortunately, that's not how life works and we need to take action towards our goals. If you want to get stronger, you have to put in the reaps.
If you want to get better at public speaking, you need to put yourself outside of your comfort zone. Like me, if you want support, you have to ask. All these things that we can do to start to take action towards that desired outcome. So aligning our thoughts, aligning our energy, and taking action towards the desired outcome, that is where the magic happens. Okay, so now we've got the basics down packed on how we co create, how we manifest.
Now I want to talk quickly on things that can block this from happening. Where we can get in our own way, because I've definitely had some experience with this too. So number one is you Need to focus the energy on yourself. For example, it's hard to manifest someone outside of yourself to do something like, Oh, I want this person back in my life, or, uh, I want my kids to behave well, that's going to be really hard to do. manifest, if we want to put it like that.
But what we can do is we can, again, put the spotlight back on ourselves and start focusing on how we can, uh, show up differently. And therefore, they will show up differently too. So, um, Really, it's about connecting with your own desires, your own wants, rather than trying to change, people to do different things around you. I think that's a big one.
The second one is we can block, we can get our own way by not taking action, which I spoke on just before, because action is really what builds self trust and your ability to direct yourself. When you take action and you complete your promises to yourself, you are fulfilling your own word. Then the self trust comes in. The self trust drives confidence and then confidence is magnetizing. So it's like a a loop cycle that is really positive.
So You know, when we take action towards a goal, that's why we keep the goal small, and it's fulfilled, then we get the confidence. And it goes round and round and round. So taking action, and that is where we get the self trust, rather than just expecting the self trust, and the confidence to, to just come from nothing. The third one is support and accountability. Making sure that you are around the person.
Others that have this way of thinking, that are really focused on, creating their life and, and really working towards their goals. Because we can block ourselves if we don't have others around us like that. And sometimes it means that you need to go out and just search. For groups, new people, new connections of people that are really, um, in this mindset.
So it becomes a lot easier, you can stay accountable and it's also just great to be in spaces where you can see people doing some amazing things and that gives you inspiration as well. Another block is being hyper attached to outcomes and how long things are going to take. So we really want to be in this state as much as possible at of non attachment.
I want you to think about all the times that you've really been attached to an outcome and then you just get to a certain point and you're like, you know, what? Nothing's changing. I give up. I, I'm, I'm just checked out. Maybe it's a, a relationship. That's quite a a common one. And as soon as you check out, then everything changes. Then Something finally shifts, that maybe that person wants to then put in effort, or the person that didn't want you then wants you.
And it's like that energy shift, as soon as we let go, it's a magnetizing energy, basically. So, this is the energy we want to be in when we're co creating and manifesting. It's trusting that what is for you will happen in divine timing. What is for you will never miss you if you take the steps and if you take the action and you get really clear on what you want. It's really important. Finally, the last block is thinking that something's too good to be true to have.
And what I mean by this is often just before change happens or just before we reach a desired outcome or we reach our goal there might be something that comes up just to what I believe is test you. To really see if you're committed to what you said you wanted. And that could be, like, you're really wanting a particular job, or particular colleagues, a particular role. And just before that opportunity comes up, maybe you're offered another opportunity that has good pay.
But it's not deep down what you really, really want. So you're put on this spot what do I do? Do I wait it out a bit longer? Do I take the comfortable thing? That isn't really what I want. And I really have had this happen a lot in my life. And I think a lot of people can connect with this. It's really testing our self trust. I almost like to see it as the universe just really Testing us. It's like, you are saying you want this, do you really want this?
I'm gonna just dangle a carrot in front of you just before you get what you want, just to test you, to see if you bite. That's how I like to see it, and that is just, and that just comes down to like, really being clear on what we want, not settling for anything less.
If it's something that is really important to you, because we all have different desires and wants, and sticking to that and trusting yourself that it is available to you, um, I really want to hone in on that because it's just something that is so common and I think, we've all experienced at some point in our life before. Okay guys as we wrap this up there's just a few more things that are coming to me now that I want to say. Don't spread your energy too thin.
Focus on one goal, one desire at a time. Trust that there's lots of time to, you know, fulfill all your wants and desires But don't spread it too thin and try and do everything at once. That's one thing. And the other thing is, do things day to day that make you feel good. Do things that you enjoy. Be with people that make you feel good. Walk in nature, read a book, watch a funny movie, wear something you love, all of these little things that we can do day to day that make you feel good.
When you're in that energy of feeling good, naturally, You feel good, you go out to the world with that energy and things magnetize towards you. Yeah, so, don't underestimate the power of doing that. Okay, that is me for another episode. please let me know what episodes you've been enjoying, because I've got some episodes coming up with interviews, um, these are more chronic illness focused. But I would love to know what you are interested in, and what you're gaining the most from.
Whether it be more interviews, more educational, more neuroscience based, more relatable, just let me know what you're enjoying and I will give you more of it. Have a beautiful weekend and I'll see you on the next episode.