Worst Pickup Lines and Savage Insults

Music.

Hello, welcome to the Unhinged Podcast. I'm Zena. And I'm Dani. And today's episode, we asked you guys, what's the worst pickup lines you ever heard or that you have? Yeah. And the most meanest things that people have ever said to you or that you have said to someone? Yeah. What's the meanest thing someone's ever said to you? There's two, there's two times that it's stuck in my head.

I remember in school and like I was I wasn't really I was bullied in primary school but I wasn't really bullied in secondary school because I was a bit of an arse and I would have fought anyone that kind of came at me but I remember going into the girls toilets it's not even bad right but I just thought it was fucking God's gift and nobody could touch me right so I went into the girls toilets and there was like a heap of hate wrote on the walls and there was like

about you no about a load of people right and then somebody was like Danielle Smith with her horse face because I have a long face you don't have a long face and I wasn't paranoid over that until I seen that and now I'm real paranoid over having a real long face no I do I have a long face no you don't I would never have even thought that about you even when you say it now your face is the length of an average ruler a face.

It's like 12 centimetres centimetres yeah 12 centimetres that's the average ruler no it's 12 inches 12 inches there we are what's 12 centimetres it's like that But never been a face that size. Now, I remember when I was younger, I actually have a list of things, right? So this is how petty I am, right? I'm well able to take a joke. Yeah. I always slag myself, right? So I have a list of things that I've kept in my notes, right? Of people taking the piss out of me. Yeah.

That I thought was funny. So I've just wrote it down. Yeah. Don't know why, but here we are, the podcast, and it's come to use. Years later.

Content. Perfect. perfect it's like the universe knew this was going to happen but when I was a kid I had awful teat I had buck teat they were awful I was an ugly child right I was cute up until I was about I think every child goes through an ugly phase because I did as well like I had that fucking greasy hair rotten bangs like spotty face no no no chubby I was cute up until I was around six then after six I started to get lanky spotty

my teats started to come out like I would eat an apple through a letterbox that's how bad I was but anyway You know, when I was 15, people in my estate, anytime I'd walk around in public... All the kids in my estate would go, hey, rabbit, are you going to the shop to buy a carrot? Oh, no. All the time. So people used to call me rabbit. Yeah. Yeah. And you had braces, obviously. You what? You had braces, obviously. I got braces when I was in my 20s.

Yeah, I got braces when I was 12 because I have a gap in my teeth. Yeah. So that's what people used to say to me. What was that fucking ad about your wand? The gap in the teeth. Oh, to Maybelline? Yeah, it was like, maybe she's, they used to say that to me as well. Really? The gap wasn't big.

Yeah. But it was like something that I was paranoid over and then I got braces and it filled the gap but then they never gave me any retainer or the wire behind my teeth so the gap came back so as I got older that's kind of the same with mine now I got compass abandoned and closed the gap when I got older my teeth are coming back like they're all fucking moving out and off no the wire is there but it's not,

it's my fault because I didn't go back to get things repaired but anyway I want gold grills, that might fix me that might make me better looking maybe anyway we've had a few drinks again as always of course we have yeah it wouldn't be unhinged if we didn't right so, let's just get straight stuck in yeah let's go I have a couple of recaps yes I want to hear the recaps I'll start with the recaps right Zena, I listened sorry are these all going to be about you no they're recaps about

you I'm sorry if they're about me like you just may get over it you know what I mean it's the recaps I mean did you get any recaps no I never did well you make it over then Zena I love you people just.

Sina in the last podcast I loved you up until, you said you loved when you pull a hair out of your arse cracking the shower, I'm so sorry but that gave me the ickle pickle only because I have a phobia of loose hair the ickle pickle now that's an ick yeah what are you 10, only because I have a phobia of loose hair nah jokes I still love you but the hair thing I can't get over yeah no I wouldn't need I don't think that's ever happened to me that has to have

happened to loads of people your hair is so long though it's so long like my hair is not like that and it's so fine I'm pulling it out I feel like I'm pulling it out for about 10 minutes like you're literally dental flossing your own flaps like, it's so nice I don't think that's ever happened to me yeah no we'll try it if you have dental floss your vagina will you put one of your hair into my vagina here take it out take it out speaking of hairs and vaginas,

I Oh here we go Right Me and Jade were doing The Dirty last night Right And I went down on her As lesbians do Right I'm sorry Jade I love you Right, And just as it was coming towards the end and everything was about to finish up, climax and all that, right? I could feel a hair in my mouth, right? And I was like, you know what, just leave it there. Get over it. Keep going. Because I've got stamina. I can keep going. I have to keep going, right? I wasn't going to ruin the moment,

right? Is it stamina or stubbornness? Stubbornness. I have both. Anyway, everything was done. It was all finished. And I got up and I went, I'm just going to the toilet. And I went to the toilet, right? when I was in there pulled the hair out of my mouth and I pulled it out and it was a long blonde hair Jade is a fiery redhead Jade's got red hair and I've got black, long blonde hair that was in Jade's vagina.

Right so I didn't say anything I didn't say anything I went back into the bedroom anyway right and I was just sitting there but she knew I was thinking about things she could see it in my eyes she was like what's wrong what's wrong I was like there's nothing wrong with me because I was actually laughing about it right because I just thought it was you know if I was that type of person I could use that against her like I used to be before the medication,

so before my wasn't that long ago now you're talking like it's far in the past it was literally only a couple of weeks ago before my ADHD medication my mind was on overdrive I over-tunk everything over-tunk everything and my anxiety was through the roof right so I was constantly ringing Jade going hey are you cheating on me today yeah literally constantly thinking that Jade was cheating on me all the time and oh god bless her she's still here she pushed

through she buried with me she's a trooper but anyway right so I went back into the bedroom and I lay down she was like I can see you thinking I was laughing because in my mind I was thinking Jesus if that had been me back then do you know what I mean Jade would have got I probably would have kicked her out the house for finding a blonde hair in her vagina.

So I was just like I found a blonde hair in my vagina Jade's face dropped in your vagina I'm sorry in Jade's vagina in my mouth from Jade's it had to have come from Jade's vagina do you know what I mean right and she was like what what? A blonde hair? So she was panicking because she knows what I'm like. She knows how I overthink. Oh, I'm a cunt. But anyway, she was like, I don't know who's that. I don't know. And she was like stumbling over things. But then she was like, hold on a minute.

She goes, what if it didn't come from my underwear and it came from the bed? Why the fuck is there a blonde hair in the bed? Because I'm the one who's at home all the time. And she was like, what blonde bitch have you had in our bed? So it's just like a whole like funny thing.

That is funny. But still, it's a mystery. it is a mystery where did the blonde hair come from who owns blonde hair in Jade's vagina where did it come from who was dental flossing her I don't know I kept it anyway send an envelope I'm going to send it off for DNA I would be surprised if you didn't, yeah send it off for DNA send it off for DNA right. Listening to the second episode, another recap. Oh, a second episode. Second episode. That's a long time ago.

A new listener. Thank you. Welcome. Listening to the second episode, the husband and me were in the middle of having sex and I'm down sucking him off. And then he hits me with, stick your finger in my ass. I said, yeah, what? I'd done it just to see, but I've never in my life had such an ick. I'd never do it again. Oh. Yeah. It's not for some people. It's not for everybody. No. The asshole is definitely not for everybody.

No it's not for me but I don't mind rooting around in someone else's ass how I like no but I don't mind have you ever stuck your finger up an ass and felt a bit of a, felt a bit of felt a bit of a blockage there no you don't feel blockage but obviously when you pull it out there's stuff on it like you just go wash your hands would you smell it sometime yes I know I don't ever smell it you do no why would you volunteer

you'd have a little sniff just for the curiosity no no I wouldn't we're disgusting human beings are disgusting we are people don't admit it no would you smell a finger probably.

No I don't think I don't know why I would but you know I might wash it and then smell it to see if the smell was lingering you know when it's not so potent yeah don't you want potent shit going on I know I just feel like everybody's disgusting and no one will admit it no that's not true do you know what they say right you are who you are when you're on your own, yeah so who are you when you're on your own I'm here on my own fucking pulling

my knickers out my ears picking my nose flicking it like who you are on your own is who you are so if you ever wonder I love picking my nose yeah if you ever wonder what type of person you are sit down and be like you know what what do I do when I'm by myself are you someone who throws litter out the no, but do you know what I mean are you someone who throws litter out the window when you think no one else is looking no I cannot stand that I'd be the one

to stop and pick the litter off the road but do you know what I get what you're saying when you're on your own what do you do yeah, it's somewhere everybody needs a bit of self reflection exactly and it's okay I keep looking at the light to look at the camera and now I'd say I look cross eyed when I do that because I'm looking over there I view her ADHD maybe you see something shiny and you just go off fucking topic altogether, anyway right any more recaps,

with your Patreon is it just a bonus episode each week I'm thinking of subscribing. Well at the moment it's just kind of the bonus episodes each week and then we're only getting started with the Patreon we've only had it for fucking what a week or two yeah since the live show but the live show is on it but.

We're gonna tease you we have some plans we do so we have a couple of episodes planned are we gonna tell people yeah we have to we have a couple of episodes planned for subscribers only right so it's literally it's only five euro a month yeah right so. Our ideas were. Our ideas were. Well, this week, me and you are going to swap clothes. Yeah, we're going to swap clothes. And we're going to take on the persona of each other. Yeah, we're going to switch. We're going to try anyway.

We're going to do a bit of role play. I'm going to be Dani. She's going to be me. Next week, we have vibrators that go inside you and on the outside that are remote control. And me and Zena are going to record the extra pod while Aaron and Jade are in full control of the vibrators.

That's going to be fun. that's going to be a wet episode so me and Danielle we're going to record an episode we obviously we'll have the vibrators inside us yeah but we'll be do you know when you're in deep chat though and like you'll forget that the vibrator's there and they'll just zap it and all of a sudden boom yeah because it's quite strong we got them delivered today and it is quite strong yeah I had a go today had a go today we have another

episode planned that we are going to record an extra pod while we are after eating some mushrooms, so some psychedelic mushrooms no Dani so Dani has never done mushrooms before right I'm not I'm not a drug person and I don't mean Mushrooms aren't drugs I know but like I'm not a trippy like I don't like drugs I don't like the feeling of them I'm not advocating taking mushrooms or anything whatsoever this is my choice and like it's my opinion or whatever so don't be listening

to me or whatever don't do drugs Seek professional help from your doctor if you're going to decide to do drugs Yeah So I'm a bit weary about this But right so when I was younger and you'd hear people about taking shrooms right and like I always thought to myself. Like that people would see monsters and... That's what I presume, that they're psychedelic. That's what I think. People would see monsters and it'd be bad things. Maybe people do have bad trips or whatever, right?

But I just thought you would see things that were ridiculous and crazy, the things that weren't there, right? I've done mushrooms two times now, right? Yeah. But the last time I did mushrooms over the weekend... I know, she sent me a three minute long fucking video of her literally saying fuck all and just laughing. No, fascinating, Dani. Fucking fascinating, right? So when I take mushrooms, right? Yeah. You see things, you know where you are. So I'm looking at you.

I know I'm looking at you. But you will look literally like a fucking glowing cartoon. Glowing fucking cartoon. Like you're beautiful and everything's so clean. You're the colors. You can literally see the electricity in the air. I'm fascinated. Yeah. But what I love about it is you're, well, me personally, I'm in control of my own mind. So I'm not, I'm not out of it. I'm very well aware that I'm hallucinating and I'm in control right and.

Then like there was one point where I was looking at Jade right and whatever way she was lying she was kind of had her hand over her head and stuff but all of a sudden Jade turned into this really old woman so I was looking at Jade and she had like she looked like she was in her 80s and I was just looking and her eyes were huge does that freak me out, no it doesn't well it didn't freak me out I'm gonna try it first before I do it on the pod and if I don't like it I'll be doing

it stone because I do love weed I think you should do it live first time on the podcast on shrooms I think that would make me more nervous I don't think so it's not to be nervous stop fucking pushing drugs on me you're being druggy do drugs do drugs are cool do drugs. Drugs are cool drugs are cool people who do drugs are cool I'm cool with the drugs you're a loser loser you want to do drugs loser, You can't hang with us if you're not cool. Anyway, so one of the podcast episodes

we're going to do on shrooms. That'll be interesting. Yeah. Right? Again, disclaimer. Don't do drugs. Don't do drugs. Please. Don't do drugs. No, don't listen to me. You sound like me. No one listens to me. Don't mind. Look, I'm the healthy one. She's very unhealthy. You know? In what way am I unhealthy? Oh, yeah. Okay. Agreed. Agreed. We got any more weeks? Tell you now. Where are we?

Oh recap sorry we keep I have loads of recaps right do you yeah Zena you mentioned your free pass as Billie Eilish out of all the women in the world would you not have picked someone better I'm offended.

No I think Billie Eilish is hot Billie Eilish I was never really into her until like I started hanging around not that I never looked at her because she's quite young like she was very she's very childish look not anymore now but at the time, but yeah no she's hot and in a new song with Charlie XCX stop it fucking hell it doesn't like okay I had a conversation with Jade last night right so, unfortunately my free pass has been revoked oh yeah,

yeah it's been revoked so like why is it revoked as if you would have a chance with Billie Eilish come on I might there might be a chance like there might be like a 0.01% chance maybe but anyway anyway Jade made a. Jade made it aware Jade made me aware, that it actually really bothers her with my obsession with Billie Eilish she said you had that obsession like you literally you had pictures hanging up of Billie Eilish my mammy painted that for me and she's dead yeah

exactly she's dead you only fancy her because your mammy's dead yeah you're doing it in memory of your mammy I'm fancy Billie Eilish in memory of me ma yeah so Jade stop being so selfish stop Jade no but anyway she was just like she was just like no seriously Zina she was like I actually can't like she's like I'm so jealous she's actually so jealous of me she hates, that I like drool over I don't drool I don't feel like I drool over, she's so anyway sorry,

but she was just like no I actually feel like a little bit disrespected when you like and I was like okay I was like okay I have to respect what her feelings are. No, she doesn't drool over you the way she drools over the way I drool over Billie Eilish. No, I don't think anybody drools over anybody the way you drool over. So I've had to calm it down, right? So, Jay... Are you allowed to change it to someone else or is a free pass going on altogether?

No, free passes are going on altogether. So she has revoked her Fletcher and her Angelina Jolie free pass. Imagine she... Imagine Fletcher came on to her. That's what I said to her. I said to her, I said, are you telling me, right? I said, you're telling me now, right? You're taking away my... Are you telling... You're taking away my Billie Eilish pass.

And you're revoking your own Fletcher Pass I said are you telling me, if there was a chance you met Fletcher and she came on to you that you would turn her down because you took away my Billie Eilish Pass and she was like yeah she said I'm not having sex with anybody ever again and you're never having sex with anybody ever again she said if anybody's having sex it's me and you and that's it for the rest of our lives and I was like well you better fucking marry me then.

You can't get married again why? Because you're not even divorced no I get divorced first and then I'll see how it goes can I be best man?

Yeah of course who else and you and Anuel yeah that's you and Anuel and then whoever Jade picks as her like best people you can't say best man or best woman it's best them, who's your best them don't call me them who's the day them no offence to the day thems I don't want to be called a day them yeah but absolutely no who's your best day them who's your best day them day them day them day them day thems who's your best day thems anyway so yeah my Billie Eilish thing has been revoked and fuck you

Billie Eilish is hot yeah Billie Eilish it's a whole vibe it's her whole fucking vibe you know what you just look at her and say you know she's gonna be a good fuck you know she's a good fuck and her mouth oh, no stop I'm gonna get in trouble I'm gonna get in trouble she obviously Jade has to edit this we're gonna cut this out I don't fancy Billie Eilish no she is not sexy, she is not sexy you are you are hallucinating right now you didn't hear what

you just heard you're on the shrooms I only fancy Fancy Jade.

I actually do only fancy Jade. Yeah. I'm Billie Eilish. Anyway. I'm Aaron. I don't fancy Aaron. Yeah, whatever. I just love him. He's like me little cutie. Like, you're always like, he's a beautiful bastard. He is a beautiful bastard. I can appreciate a good looking man. Yeah, that's fair. You know what I mean? Doesn't mean I want to suck his balls or anything. I actually watched porn this morning, right? And there was like, it was two men sucking on a man's penis and his balls, right?

And he had the longest balls ever and there was one guy sucking the dick and one guy sucking the balls and the balls were like stretchy oh yeah eh turned me off I had to turn it off I was like does this make me dry, the balls like the way they were like no I couldn't yeah they were really long that's what you do in that sound effect no but like like every every two minutes you're like I don't know.

But before he started sucking the balls they were like normal sized balls, normal sized testicles and then he's like he put them in his mouth and he sucked them and they stretched really stretchy skin on them yeah no I had to turn off I had to turn off couldn't come I was like oh god no did you continue on no I had to go and collect you then so I was just like, I was like I'll come back to this later yeah no wonder you were delighted seeing

it right out with the little vibrator that we bought go grab it there we'll put it on the camera right we got these little vibrators for the Patreon, we're whores we are whores we're putting up whore shit for money.

For our subscribers only yeah but we're fully clouded each time so do you know there's some odd dignity left of course give us money and we will orgasm in front of you imagine we did though oh you didn't wash it either did you of course I washed it can I smell it no, a little joke it smells like rubber I don't want to I don't want to smell it I washed it but anyway smell it for the subscribers so this goes inside, and then this goes on the clit on the clitty clit and then there's a little

remote control but you can bluetooth it to your phone so as we said earlier we'll be sitting here with these inside us I didn't think that this was going to fit inside me because that's actually yeah but you weren't like that I wouldn't be able to just put that in you now I'd have to be warmed up I moved it up and it went in it was a bit sore but once it went past that little gate, gates kind of are hard to open but once it got in there yeah and then Danny

was pressing the button it was we're gonna put I did record me controlling it there so we'll put that on the Patreon please give us your money.

Look at what we're resorting to to make this our full time fucking job like not even help me I'm poor help me we're poor, we wanna make this our full time job and we also want to be able to put on events and live show and we can't do that without funding so give us your money yeah we're so desperate yeah, I'll show my vagina right now if you show yours no I'm not showing mine she's not give me money people would pay not to see my vagina actually you have a nice vagina I do have

a nice vagina thank you for saying that right I think we should start the podcast I think we should what we started with you didn't get any of these in did you of the main things, people have said I got a few things you got the chat up lines more so was it yeah, and then I researched some chat up lines, okay I researched some chat blinds that we will go through after yeah at the end I wish I fucking saved I used to remember I used to get some obscure things

sent to me on Tinder when I was on it really remember I used to send them to you like people were so, yeah very forward yeah like there's no such thing as romance anymore or something no there's not and especially I suppose because of my look because I'm heavily tattooed and kind of look a bit spicy to be fair that doesn't mean you want to be degraded no but that's basically men were like well this one's definitely

a kinky bitch this was definitely a whore I'm going to talk to her like a whore I'm just going to chat, in fairness you're a whore no I wish I was a whore both of us are whores I'm a whore for my man yeah give us money.

So yeah this is I got loads in about, the meanest things that people have said to you right saw an ex in the pub and he stood over my friends and I while glaring and text my friend saying if I lost a few pounds he would be more upset about the breakup but I was fat so he was relieved ten years ago and it still plays on my mind I was never body conscious before that it really altered my brain chemistry oh that's terrible it

is so mean you really have to be careful what you say to people stick with people I remember even when I was slim and if anybody people just throw fat around like it's fucking there's no meaning behind it even when I was smaller than what I am now like I got bullied as a fucking child for being fat and I look back now and I was tiny yeah but back when but I had big boobs but really I was really slim but I had big boobs yeah but back when we were kids oh yeah fat was fucking a size 8 yeah

it was actually ridiculous yeah it was do you know what I mean people are fucking dickheads but yeah the people just throw around fat like I was saying do you know I, was never Toby but yeah if I was ever in an argument like people would just fire fat at you and as a woman even if you're not fat if someone tells you you're fat you're starting to look at yourself going well what are they seeing that I'm not seeing and then

it does alter your brain fat is a real it's like I was a bitch in school and I was always in fights in school right and I was always getting fucking suspended and all because I took no bullshit and if you said a fucking horrible thing to me I'm gonna hit you basically. And you're the same now no I actually haven't no I'm not I'd love to be the same now you hit me a few times there's plenty of people that I'd love to fucking back square in the face.

And I know you's listened to this pod as well you's fucking cretins yeah I'll stand behind you and be like come on go on go Danny, you're my biggest hater but my biggest fan at the same time. I know. Joke's on you, bitch. We see him. We see you. We know who you are. Fuck, I've lost my train of thought. Yeah, but every single fight I was in, it was because somebody called me fat and I was a size six. That's terrible. Yeah. The word fat will... Awful. It cuts you.

It's like the word cunt and the word rape. Oh, I love the word cunt. No, cunt, rape, fat. It's real... It makes you... It's real aggressive. Yeah, it's real aggressive. Like, do you know what I mean? When you hear it, it's like... It's uncomfortable. It is. Uncomfortable. I hate the word fat. But my list of things that mean things have said to me, it was when I was in my fats.

Stage not back then I didn't think I was fat no but you were yeah I know I was as well I know I've sent you the videos I'm just like I had like even when we first started hanging around me and you were like probably at not our biggest but you were at your biggest but I had lost a bit of weight because I was obviously going to your ex wife for personal training but.

We were when we look back at our like first photos we were so chubby but Dani right I had body dysmorphia but the opposite way around because back then like Like I didn't think, not that I was fat. I didn't think I was fat. I was overweight. Yeah, but you didn't realise the size. I was overweight for my body, right? And my size. But back then, I would never have looked at myself in the mirror and thought, oh God, you're overweight.

Never. I know, it's mad. It's only now that I look back at the things and go, oh God. Yeah. I was like overweight. You were quite chubby. I was a bit overweight. Like for my size. For your frame. Do you know what I mean? For my frame. Yeah, because you're naturally slim. Yeah. Whereas I'm naturally chubby. I've always been on the curvier side.

Even when I was slim I was curvy like I had the white hips and the big boobs and the zero arse but we'll get over that somebody else wrote in hey love in the pod I've got some savage tips from you over the last few months and it's definitely made me and the wife have better sex I love your accent especially when you're talking about blowjobs but every time you do Zena gets sick and cuts you off I'd love to listen to you talk more about it.

Listen I apologise but it's my podcast at the end of the day if I don't want to listen to Danny talking about, blowjobs I can even picture you do that no, blowjobs banjo strings the head the tip I can't I'm going to physically get ill and sick all over the microphone so I'm really sorry Danny's going to start her own podcast about blowjobs oh my god imagine sex ASMR, and I'm just staring you can do that babes will you be my camera girl no I can't

be here I can't be here I literally get the ick and I feel Do you know when you get the sweats before you're about to vomit? When you talk about blowjobs, I feel that. And I try to have blowjobs. Try to have them back. It's like your own little fucking sound effects.

You ready go on have you got one my ma used to be a bouncer in my favourite nightclub in my twenties and I overheard a fella asking her, were her ovaries up for a whitewash I nearly died but my ma was howling laughing are my ovaries up for a whitewash oh because I like them, all over all over the ovaries yeah why do you keep doing my sound I don't know it's fun. Yeah no that's not a whitewash that's a weird oh sorry Sorry, that was a chat line. No, that's okay. Your ovary's up for a whitewash.

Your ovary's up for a whitewash. Not the best chat line I've heard. No. Up your game, mate. Yeah. Being told by my ex that I was only an experiment to see if he could fuck a fat guy. I don't mean to laugh, but that's fucking obscure. Who says that? So, basically, obviously gay men. This is what I picture. This man was sat with his friends and his friends were like, Like you would never, like your standards are so, you're too like.

Chiseled from the. No, you're too like stuck up that you would never have sex with a fat guy. And your man took this as a challenge and he was like, I will. No, but do you know what he was like? I'm going to do charity. I'm a good person. I will totally go out and have sex with a fat man. And that's what he did. Yeah. He says an ex though, so obviously to get her wild. It's not an ex.

He didn't mean it. no he didn't he was obviously fucking raging over the breakup you might be fat love but he was probably fucking ugly and had a small tiny dick don't worry about it, an ex gave me you can lose the way he's ugly for fucking ever yeah it's alright baby we got your back. I'll fight. I'll box. I'll fight as well. Yeah. Stand behind Danny. Be like, come on. Yeah. She'll be pushing me into him.

Come on, get him. Get him. An ex gave me the choice to either put my mother in a nursing home or we were finished. Clear to say the relationship ended. Imagine giving an all to me and my parents. That's terrible. That's disgusting. That's terrible. That's a narcissist. You would pick your parents. Clearly. And if anyone asked you otherwise then they're not a nice person. Do you know what I mean? What the hell? Unless she was a bastard.

An absolute bastard mother-in-law. I don't know what type of outcome he thought he was going to get from that because of course she's going to choose her mother regardless. Because even if she was an arsehole, the daughter still has her in her life, clearly, that he's given her the ultimatum. So the daughter doesn't see her like that. But maybe he's the prick. And the mother's all right fucking true. Exactly. Mammies know. Mammies know best. Always listen to your mammies. Yeah, my mammy's dead.

You can't listen to her down there. No, I can't. can't listen to her I don't hear her Jade still hears her apparently yeah but Jade Jade is not well.

Sorry Jade I love you no but imagine like my mum is actually trying to talk to Jade communicate to Jade, through Jade to get to me now your mum no nobody take Jade seriously like if she was saying that because Jade is just so away with the fairies now I could be totally wrong hearing Jade as being talked to from everyone but Jade has oh she does have like a psychic sense there's something because she has proved it and it's like weird shit has happened with

Jade and me and Danny if we go out on a night out Jade goes around, guessing everybody's star sign and her date of birth not even that and she gets it right a lot of times not even that like people who've died no she's like oh like oh she's a real like she's there but I yeah but I came home one day right from shopping and I put everything down and she goes your ma's here and I was like I was like what your ma's here, I was like, Jada, I actually don't want to hear that man's hair right now.

She's like, okay, I'm sorry. And then she went, she's gone now. What the fuck? So, come on. She's so cute. I love her. I love her. She keeps me so entertained. You will never be bored with Jada. No, she's the best girl. I can't wait to listen to her tell me how proud she is now because we're going out after the party. Oh, she's coming home to do the vibrator with Danny.

No, Aaron's the only one that's allowed. but I'll control her it's oh yeah okay my ex-boyfriend told me I was addicted to prescription meds when I told him to stop taking cocaine all I was taking was the pill and parents eat them all, not mean but makes me lol absolutely eat them over during that argument imagine calling someone a prescription drug addict for taking the pill and he taking cocaine and he on the coke like talk about deflect oh I don't know nasty nasty

boy you nasty nasty Nasty. Maybe he's got dyslexia, though. Huh? Maybe he has dyslexia and he needs cocaine for his dyslexia. Oh, maybe. You know what I mean? I mean, you need to think of these things from two different perspectives. You know what I mean? Yeah, that was very inconsiderate of me to assume that he was taken for recreational purposes. You don't know why he's taken cocaine. I don't know his story. You don't know his story. I don't know why he's been to it. I don't know his

trial. Don't judge him. I don't know his illiteracy. I don't know if he can spell or not. No. Who am I to judge? Exactly. Just think next time I'm so sorry. I will. I will take that on board. Worst pick, flirting pick up line I got was you're like my pinky toe. Sooner or later I'm going to bang you on the kitchen table. That's good. I like that. Right, are we going on to pick up lines? No, that was just in the midst of it. Okay, I've got like the list of mean things that people have said to me.

Oh, right. We'll go through this then, right? One time I said to someone I like my glasses thick. To which they replied yeah, like your thighs. I did have tic-tacs back then. So it was true. It was true. Can we go again? Come on. I said, I don't think I'm fat. I think I'm average. And this person said, yeah, for what animal? These are all things that has been said to me. These are all things that have been said to me. I've literally written down... And you say that I'm a cunt, don't I?

I've literally written down the dates and the times and everything, right? Oh my God. This is funny one. I said, I need a memory foam mattress so my bum can sit nicely in the groove. This person responded, or you could just lose weight so we don't have to buy new furniture.

I have to say, right? These are funny. That's funny. I'm sorry. They're funny, but they're also abusive at the same time. Very abusive, but they are funny. Right, I'll do one more and then we'll come back to them, right? We'll go back to you, right? Someone said to me, can I be on top? And I said, yeah, why? And they said, because I can't breathe when you are. These, these are things that have been said to me.

And I've literally laughed I've literally laughed no that's so bad, they're hilarious though they are funny they are hilarious and I mean they've come up they've come in for great content now you know what I mean right we'll come back to these we'll come back to these there's a couple more good ones, we'll let you have a go one time I rejected a man he said nice tits pity about your face I was too stunned to speak should have decked him lots of men can't

take rejection without insulting you in some way that's so true that is so true so true not even men just people in general they got so, affected when they're rejected like no thank you oh you're a fucking fat ugly you're a big fat ugly whore bitch anyway but I'm like well why are you fucking sliding into the DMs in the first place now I've never been in a position I've never got abuse off a man because obviously yeah men don't chat me up so I'm perfect,

so they're not in the fire obviously you're too intimidating to come up and chat yeah because they know I'd fucking deck them yeah men don't come up and chat me up because they look at me and go that's a lesbian that's life look at that big dice she looks like Kermit the Frog no No. No. No, I don't really get chatted up, to be fair. You might have a single. Like, I wouldn't. It's only recently. Like, me and Ireland wouldn't be together

if I didn't make the first move. Yeah. I made the first move. Yeah. Continuously. Men are scared, though. Yeah. And they're scared of the rejection. And I understand that. No, but it's not yet. That's very true. Because some women can be very mean. Some women can, like, be just as mean as men with rejection.

Or like especially if a girl is on a night out or whatever with her friends and somebody goes to chat her up and then they lose their shit they're like get away from me I'm out with my friends yeah it goes both ways 100% I'd say women are probably worse just be considerate when you're chatting to people yes do you know what I mean just if you're not interested in somebody that's come up to chat or asked to buy a drink to be like I really appreciate it but I'm not interested I'm out

with the girls but like I really hope you have a good night instead of going get away from me it's fine I've never been one that people have come up and like chatted up and stuff first I've had people come up and be like the conversation starter always, it's not even 90% of the time it's 100% of the time is I love your tattoos yeah and then like you'll go on to talk and blah blah blah I get that a lot actually I do get I love your tattoos yeah but

that's if you get that from men well I don't know because you do oh my god when we were out the other weekend remember a man came up and he bought us shots because he said I was pretty yeah that's very true, That happened. I forgot all about that. He was a lovely guy. Who was it? Me and Jade came back and he was buying you and Ellen and me and Jade a gantry toilet. Yeah. Because these were pretty. And he said I was beautiful and he loved my tattoos and he bought us tequila rose shots.

And he got me and Jade one as well. Just remember that. There we go. Aww. Now I feel beautiful. You are beautiful. Yeah, I feel beautiful. Alright, go on. Give me another one. My situationship who I spend every day with once told me if I lost weight and went blonde I'd actually be desirable and maybe even he would like me then. Girl, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck? Away from that disrespectful little wiener bastard.

Why are we, why do we have such low standards? Why? Why are you allowing a man to say that and then giving your body to him? Cop on, with the utmost respect, cop on. Have you ever been with someone though who was so good looking that you put up with their bullshit? No. Because I'm not attracted to looks, I'm attracted to personality. Yeah. So I've never been with anybody that I've let disrespect because of how they looked. Right, okay. I've, like, disrespect to me, no. Yeah. No.

I let Jade away with an awful lot because she's so pretty. She's so goddamn beautiful. I feel like I'd let Aaron away with a lot more than I'd tolerate from anybody else because I am so fucking insane and attracted to him. I know. Me and Danny, right? Like my knickers are zapping.

Me and Danny would be like, oh, fuck Jade. And Jade would be like, or Danny be like yeah fuck Aaron and I'd be like fuck the two of them and then we just like look at them and we're like oh my god but they're just so fucking beautiful it's so annoying they're so beautiful isn't it so annoying they're so beautiful now I know I'm not perfect and I know the fuck Jade gives out about me to all her friends as well I don't claim to be perfect either

no I don't claim to be perfect either but I don't think I'm beautiful enough that Jade needs to put up with my shit Jade is so insanely attracted to you why? I just don't get it but sure you are attractive though don't get it am I? and he pulled me me? I think so. Right, okay. Back to my list of things that people have said to me that are really mean. Back to that. Get the fuck away from that loser, please. Oh, this is one from my nanny. From your nanny? Yeah, so my nanny said this

to me on the 10th of the 5th, 2021. She's that psychotic. She has the date and the time. Nanny. She's still alive. God bless her. She's 87. The 10th of the 5th, 2021, my nanny said to me, are you going to try and lose some weight? And I said why do you think I'm fat to which she replied well let me just say it's a good thing I forgot to bring the biscuits over.

Nannies can be brutal though that generation can be so my nanny worships the ground I walk on my own nanny said that she literally bigs me up even now I'm not even skinny and she'd be like don't fucking lose anymore weight now oh my god I actually just remember something right nannies are brutal they are so I was going out with a girl right, and she had like she had a small chest right okay And my nanny was in the room

and the girl that I was with at the time goes oh I wish my boobs were a little bit bigger. And my nanny turns to her dead serious looked her straight in the eye and goes maybe if you lost a little bit of weight they might look bigger. My nanny! Nanny you're a fucking brutal bitch. Brutal bitch nanny. A girl in secondary school cracked a really nasty joke about me having a monobrow. I still over tweeze to this day after that comment.

So these are things that can have lasting effects. Like they might just be a passive comment to somebody but it can really like be detrimental to other people's like perception of how they view themselves you stick on to these things you do you really do like I used to get I used to get slagged about my freckles when I was a kid all the time I love freckles to this day I'm just like I'd love to get my laser my fucking freckles laser they're not that potent

now though to be fair like they're not that like on your body and stuff yeah but your face wise yeah no they used to be really bad but they come out really bad in the sun and stuff I love freckles but like I still have like, thing I still have the thing about my freckles and stuff and then about my teeth I hate that things stick with people they do of course they do especially if it's something that you weren't paranoid over before and then somebody brings

it up and you're like whoa wait now and then you just can never stop thinking about it no, right right I once said I'm starving to which they replied I doubt that.

No I can't deal and laughing, I once said these are true things now people I need you to all understand these are things that have been said to me right I once said I'm really fat to which they replied you're not fat babe you just take up more space than everyone else, though I can't sorry Neville I know this is at your own expense but these are fucking hilarious, see I love that like I know it's mean but I love that I'm well able to take

a joke I can take a joke that'd be my type of humour I can be quite mean with my humour but it's coming from like it's not coming from maliciousness like I'd be the same I'm well able to take a joke people like, I'm not going to like take down these notes, if I really thought they I'm literally taking them down because I actually thought they were funny do you know what I mean right I said to someone you'll be dead weight before me because you're always sick to which they replied yeah well

at least my coffin will be smaller so. Oh God Oh fuck Do you ever worry about There's like people Lifting you up in your coffin Because I'm a heavy bitch Do you worry about that?

Yeah No I'm going to be cremated so Oh yeah we know We still have to be Carried in the coffin, I'm a heavy bitch I don't know if I'll have Enough people to carry My coffin in the first place No I'll be the one On the rollers I'll be the one Dragging it down the road The priest will be Walking up just rolling My coffin on the trolley They'll just be rolling it up because there'd be no one else feeling like no I'm not from Carolina me me when I took a war rope

I'm pulling it up the aisle no because you no but you love attention so you'd be on the top coughing like this and having other people pulling it so sad, you love attention more than me I can't believe you're dead no no. In underwear you're in underwear I feel like you're going to put that in your notes as a request for your funeral rather than me doing it off the bat like I right okay Okay, official request. If I die, right?

Put me in a black coffin. Yeah. And when people are walking me in, if there's enough people to carry my coffin, right? Or if I'm being rolled, I want you on the top of the coffin, right? In your sexiest, most blackest underwear. On top of it like this. Rolling in with me. All right? Okay, deal. Okay? Deal. And then I want Jade, like, whether she's sad. In the coffin with Jade. Because if I'm going down, bitch, I want Jane in the coffin with me I don't ever want her to leave me.

Bury her with me, bitch. Okay? I don't want to be alone. Oh, this is a bit of a story time. Okay. We'll never forget the time a lad I matched with on Tinder stalked me for the day. I unmatched him after only a few minutes of talking to him because I felt something was off and oh boy was I right. He somehow finds my Instagram and sends me a DM essay about how he's the perfect guy, etc. and to reconsider. Then he finds my Snapchat and sends 50 plus Snapchats during the night begging for a reply.

The next day, I go to work in a shop in Waterford and I tell my co-worker about the psycho I met on Tinder. Show her the Snapchat receipts and just as she tells me to block him, he sends another. We open the snap and it's a picture of him standing outside the shop, captioned, your work looks nice.

Three hours later, he came in, chatting to the staff for ages, it's a tattoo shop by the way, I hid in the storeroom, went to block him on everything I could and found spams of messages on everything from him. Spam me on everything every few minutes like what's your address? How was work? What did I say to upset you? Please respond. Just tell me what I did. I blocked him on everything I could and the store room and hid there till he left. I never saw him again after that tank. Fuck. Wow.

That's something like Jeffrey Dahmer shit right there. That's crazy. That is crazy. After only talking for a few minutes on Tinder. Don't be doing that. That's Don't be doing that. That's bold. No but like Like the very beginning 50 snapshots. Yeah. Never even mind the rest. After being unmatched. Never even mind the rest. And then they show up at our workplace. Do not do that. Do not do that. That's silly. That's so sexy. That is not. It is sexy. I'm not going to lie. That is so sexy.

Oh my God. Oh my God. He's so obsessed with me. Yeah. So sexy. No, don't do that. No, don't do that. That's horrible. That's actually. That's a criminal offense. That is. Has anyone ever been obsessed with you? Yeah, I have had people obsessed with me but like come on can you blame him no yeah, I stalked you until you became my friend. You did. I was like, hi. Hi. I interrupted your Zoom calls with your personal trainer. You did. It's like, hi. Yeah.

Hey. And you used to, because she used to say, this one like never comes near my Zoom calls. She was like, every time I'm Zooming with you, she's there in the background. Yeah. In my dressing gown. Walking by. Hey. Hey. Hi, Danny. Hey. You will be my friend. It's the best thing ever. It was. You look at us now. Yeah, I know. We're the best of the friends.

So sometimes it's good to stalk people. you know don't give up guys don't give up you know it's the stamina you could end up with like what me and Zina have yeah stalk, people it's great it works out in the end never give up that's what I say, that's what I say that's what I say my girl's pussy it's not what the guards say but it's what I say it's what you say and that's all that matters will we go back to mean things that people have said to me hold on okay.

I once said to someone hmm Hey, I look really skinny in this. To which they replied, You really don't.

So mean. Oh, God. So mean. I was once sitting down on a chair to which someone said, That chair is like Jenga. It's about to go. No. Why did I keep all these in a list? I really don't know, but it's funny.

Oh, God. got another one in was shifting this fella and we were grinding against each other when he stopped and tried to look at me dead in the eyes but he was cross eyed and said and I quote oh my god I'm dying to release sperm right now, ew it was ew no ew, oh god that's after giving me the ick who says that I'm dying to release some sperm maybe he was trying to be polite about it no, instead of I'm dying to have a fucking wine go over your ditties right now it's

not even and it'd be like I'm dying to come for you say that that's sexy I really want to come for you yeah if somebody came like and you were crying and be like oh my god I'd love to come it's obviously someone who's just some people just don't know how to chat up people do you know what I mean yeah, a fellow once asked me would I sit and watch him have a wank I would love that, that wouldn't I'd sit and watch someone have no but you know what I would,

allow someone to watch me while I was having a wank and I would watch them having a wank yeah that's hot yeah that's hot I'd do that all the time do you? Yeah oh I do with Jade yeah that's what I mean like with my partner yeah I do it yeah it's great foreplay did we masturbate in front of you? No I don't I think you said I masturbated while you was where. Did you? Yeah. Yeah, that's sexy. That's hot. Looking at somebody masturbate themselves is hot. I fucking love watching Jade

touch herself. I love looking at an iron as well. The other morning, right? So Jade is really hard to wake up in the mornings. Really hard. She will not wake up for fucking anything. Unless it's a finger or a gentle spoken word. No, that doesn't even work sometimes now. Yeah.

So it's like Jade will stay asleep and she'll go 10 more minutes and I'll go, okay, and I'll come in in 10 minutes and then she'll go five more minutes and then I'll go back in five minutes and she'll go and then she's in bed like till half six in the evening right but the other morning right I wanted her to get up because I just wanted her to get up I wanted her to be a morning person with me I literally turned the vibrator on and Jade went.

She was like this turned the vibrator on she went like that, it worked like a fucking charm like a charm she got up and made me breakfast and tea and everything what the fuck I was like oh wow yeah but that's only going to last for so long, oh yeah Jade needs to Jade wants to test that out going to turn the vibrator on every morning worst thing said and I still remember I'm a bigger guy and somebody wants to ask me if I play with my own boobs when I'm masturbating,

I'm so sorry for laughing that's funny yeah that was funny but you know what whatever if you make it work for you yep that is mean but it's funny but does he though? Yeah do you? have you done that before? My ex bought me a year's gym membership for my 21st and gifted me her shitbox old car and said you can drive there, that sounds very similar to someone I know.

Music. Oh lads I'm not able people are so fucking mean this is mean my boyfriend asked me to put makeup on before sex as someone who struggles with image that always stuck with me what a wank stain oh my god will you put a bag over your head he should have fucking dribbled down his ma's leg no put a bag over your head before I go near you I wouldn't be letting near me ever again, that's mean I literally could look like the scruffiest bastard going makeup

all down my face from waking up and Aaron would be raring to go yeah like that's horrible, but sometimes Jade goes will you brush your teeth before we have sex yeah but that's fair though because the smell nobody wants the smell like nobody wants the smell will you brush your teeth before we have sex but like no I'd be in the minute like I'd be in the moment and all Jade would be like let's go brush our teeth oh no me and Aaron were lying in the bed there last again and we had

been out the night before.

And I was fucking pissed anyway and he went in in the morning and we'd all be smooched or whatever and then he went to shift me and I could literally taste his mouth and my mouth combined I was like I was like I don't care about shit like that I usually don't but you know when you're a bit hungover and your hangover mouth like it was more so how my mouth felt when he went to smooch me I was like I have to go brush my teeth I don't care like do you know when you wake up in the morning,

Everyone has fucking morning breath. Yeah, I wouldn't be a fan though. It's not the morning breath for me because I don't mind that. It's the thickness of the saliva. Because you know the way your mouth, your saliva is super thick in the morning. No, so I was swallowing while you said that and that made me feel ill. No, but do you know what I'm on about? Yeah. Your mouth is super fluffy and thick. Yeah, no, let's move on from that there now. Have you got much more? No, I have not left.

This is going to be a real long pod now. That's okay because someone did complain that our podcasts weren't long enough.

Well piss off do you know what you can't complain unless you're on the Patreon, shout out to Sinead who wants our podcast out, Sinead sign up to the Patreon she said it needs to be longer than 50 minutes now sometimes they are longer than 50 minutes, sometimes they are but Sinead I'm sorry we're trying our best here right this podcast is dedicated to Sinead yeah a nice long one just for Sinead I hope it's long right I googled some pick up lines okay are you ready so if y'all want

to take some notes and some tips here's some pick up lines for y'all Are you ready? Ready? Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your cleavage. Oh, I was expecting eyes at the end of that. I was expecting cleavage. Do you work at Subway? Because you just gave me a footlong. That's a good one. I like that one. Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears. Unless you're into threesomes.

That's good is your dad a boxer because you're a knockout and I could go a few rounds with you that's good are you an angel because I'm allergic to feathers but I'd still roll around in your bed, do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again with fewer clothes on I must be in a museum because you are a piece of art that I'd like to hang in my bedroom, to hide in my bedroom? No. Don't be hanging people out of your

bedroom. Unless it's suspended in your bedroom, then that's different. Oh, it's a suspension? Would you do suspension? Would you be into suspension? Yeah, I wouldn't mind that. Yeah? Like in the swingy thing? Yeah. I'd love a sex thing. I once went into a hotel room with someone I was seeing before, right? And like it was supposed to be like a really good room, beautiful room, a beautiful view. But it was actually a disabled room. Oh. Right? Yeah.

So when I walked in and I went to, for a split second, I didn't realise it was a disabled toilet because there was a swing. I literally thought it was like a sex room. Uh oh. And I thought the disabled swing was like for sex. And then two seconds later I was like, oh no. We're literally in a disabled room. It was, it was, it wasn't a sex. It was a hoist. It wasn't a sex swing. It was a hoist. So that's how we got up on the toilet. I'd have still used it.

I'd have still used it. Yeah. No, we didn't. Make it work like. Yeah. Disabled swing. Yeah. Yeah, you could make that work. could make that work that'd be so much fun yeah especially when you're not disabled.

I think that's time to finish the pod that was possibly the worst thing that's ever been said in this podcast it's very ableist I apologise she's not sorry at all, anyway moving on I got bullied into apologising there that was definitely not the worst thing we've said about disabled people oh no we've cut out a lot of things we've cut them out darling, they don't know all about that we're nice people they don't know about all the things that we've cut out,

I'm going to fire two days I'm going to fire two days alright do you have a mirror in your pants because I can see myself in them are you an elevator because I want to go down on you.

That's a good one anyway that's for all the pick up lines that I have that were worth reading out so I think we've come to the end of the podcast I think we have it's time to get ready to go shake our booty you're gonna nightclub yeah let's go.

Thanks so much for listening make sure you like and subscribe and also if you want to see me in Xena, possibly orgasm I don't think I'm going to orgasm well I don't know because I have weaned myself off vibrators so, like I only use my hands to masturbate now so the vibration could we're going to have to see we're going to have to wait and see we're going to have to subscribe to the Patreon yeah if you want to see that video subscribe to the Patreon because we are whores and we need your money,

yeah where are we prostitutes now oh sorry we're not allowed to use prostitutes anymore we're sex workers now if we get paid for that podcast we're fully clothed like so there's a little bit of dignity there imagine we did come though I think you'll come what?

I think that I should like nick you out that's why Aaron already made that suggestion he was like Jade goes down and I go and he goes down as well, just have Aderson he would have some stiff tongue after that now I'd have to say you know that'd be funny me and all this time you would have thought that it was the things and then you see me and i'm all right good job no we won't be doing that no that's right that's the end of the podcast. Music.