From Best to Worst: Sex Advice

Music.

Hello, welcome to the Unhinged Podcast. I'm Zena. And I'm Dani. And today we're going to be talking all about your best and worst sex advice. Yeah. Did you get much in? Not really, no, to be fair. Some of the shit I got in was very helpful. Yeah, I've been very anticipating because you said you've got a few feral things. Yeah, and some of the stuff we got in was just like, what the fuck? What the fuck? But we don't expect any less here. No, we don't. I love getting all the feral shit in. Yeah.

That's kind of what we're fucking known for. So at the end of the podcast, we're actually going to give out some stats of what women and men actually like. Yeah. So stay tuned for that. Stay tuned. Did you get any recaps or anything like that? No, I didn't get recaps. Did you? No recaps. I got this one in though. I was going to... I got this one in. And I was going to send it to you this morning. I came in this morning and I was going to screenshot and send it to you.

But I was not going to keep this for the pod. not a question but just find it all too weird that Dani is now in a relationship even though she told me and probably many others she wasn't looking for one when I wanted to start seeing her no hate.

This is from a oh no this is from a guy who was texting you before and you were just like no I don't want no interest but you didn't have any interest in being in a relationship no in fairness that was truthful at the time yeah you didn't have any interest in being in a relationship but that's how it goes though I'm sure like how me and Aaron started was we were friends with benefits for Oh you've pissed off some people Yeah Me and many other people Is there a little group

of people I don't know That was a bit I was kind of like that's a bit rude many other people and then to put no hate at the end sorry now that's hate There must be some sort of like support group, for fucking people who used to text Danny Danny's ex-situationships That was weird That's not how it starts I mean you meet someone and then you don't expect you're going to get into a relationship or fall in love with someone then it just fucking happens. Oh, don't be angry.

I'm sorry. Do not be angry. I'm really sorry.

Right we get just straight in well i have a few other things okay go ahead then right somebody asked uh where did xena get her adhd assessment and were they good and how much if you can tell us thanks so my adhd assessment i went on a weight and lift for almost a year i had to go to a psychiatrist in carlo i can't remember the website it was what was it i can't remember. I'll leave it in the description, right? But it was this like group of people in Carlow. I went to a psychologist,

which is where I made my mistake. So I was on the waiting list for my assessment. So the only people in Ireland who can assess you for ADHD is a psychiatrist and a psychologist, right? But the only person that can get you medication for your ADHD is a psychiatrist. So I went on a year wait list to see a psychologist.

I got my assessment done anyway. It was all done over zoom it was very intense even though it was over zoom it was very intense and we got my results back after about two weeks and came back that I had combined ADHD and you get like a full like assessment full report back but then when I went to go seek help with medication or any other alternative see I've done therapy before and I just really wanted to go down the medication side side of things I just knew

I just knew that I needed it you know what I mean and I couldn't because my I got it from a psychologist okay so if you're getting assessed for ADHD how much was the psychologist oh sorry the psychologist 900 euro so it's very fucking expensive and especially when you can't get any yeah afterwards right yeah but the end of the day you're only getting a piece of paper off them yeah so then two years later I've been trying to seek psychologists and again they are psychiatrists

sorry again they either had too many patients so they weren't taking on new patients or had to go on more waiting lists, which was very frustrating.

But then I found a place called ADHD Now and I got chatting to them. I didn't have to pay for another assessment, which beforehand other psychiatrists wanted to do another assessment on me. Okay, so start from scratch again. Yeah, and to pay for it again. But anyway, ADHD now took my assessment from my psychologist. Oh my God, am I even making sense to people here? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And anyway, ADHD now, they were like, yeah, we'll take you on and we'll go to step number four, straight away to step number four, which has been assessed for medication. And I got assessed. I was only on the waiting list for a month.

And after one hour Zoom call I got a prescription and I'm now on trial and, yeah it's going good so far it is going good going good so far I feel great so we'll just see now after the 28 days you're definitely more productive and chilled out and stuff yeah I feel more calm or something definitely feel more calm my anxiety's definitely gone I am still a bit scattered with my structure and stuff and all like that it's not a miracle worker either it has to take time yeah one thing I have noticed

is my overthinking my anxiety are gone and my mood has definitely lifted yeah So, going good so far? Good. Happy days. Is that all the random ones in? Well, I have a few other random ones, but I can leave them towards the end. Save them till the end? Right, let's get straight into your best and worst sex advice. Right. Get your best sex advice from the Unhinged podcast. Absolutely love the pod girls. Makes me feel like I'm not so mad after all. This is what I love about our podcast.

It's literally a place for the mentally ill. Yeah. A place for people who feel like outcasts. to, it's like a safe space do you know what I mean where we all talk about especially with kinks and stuff like that I've found that you know a lot of people have wrote in saying okay like that I feel a bit more normal about my kinks because like kinks are still very taboo especially the more out there ones but like.

The people that have the more out there ones are learning that, it's more common than what they think and they don't feel as isolated as what they did or as much shame in it and that's so nice to hear it is do you know what I mean like people who feel like outcasts like it's I would have loved to have a podcast like this when I was like younger or whatever because like I feel like it's a place where people can express what,

normal people don't usually talk about do you know what I mean and to make it more normalised definitely like I would have always been hypersexual like growing up and stuff like that so I would have always had sexual thoughts and all but I always thought that there was something wrong with me because I was.

Always thinking about it like I just love sex and have done from since I've been sexually active so like I find that we're opening up avenues for people to realise that you know it's okay to be a horny bastard but not even just about sex though no like about other things other thoughts that you would have to be more open with themselves and other people and to like I don't know maybe it isn't appropriate but like, making jokes about our own fucking mental health and making jokes about our

own trauma and stuff that it's okay to not have to live by your fucking trauma. Like your trauma doesn't define you. No, it doesn't. Like I love taking the piss out of myself and like what happened to me years ago. Yeah, it does hurt, but I'm able to make a joke about it. Do you know what I mean? That's a healthy coping mechanism, I think, that you're not dwelling on it.

Yeah, there is times where you look at your trauma and you're like, okay, I didn't deserve that and that was really fucking shit.

But then there's other days where you can make a joke over and it's not as heavy so it's just not heavy 24-7 so you can have your days where you need to process that and you're a little bit down but then you can also have your days where you rip the piss out yourself yeah that's how I wake up I'm the same but like even like I think we were talking about suicide and stuff I feel like an awful lot of people have suicidal thoughts right like a lot of people like almost everybody right and,

I kind of feel like I'm not a psychiatrist I'm not like a therapist or like professional this is all just this is just my professional opinion, right? Your professional opinion? My unprofessional opinion. I feel like people, everyone has suicidal thoughts and I feel like it's not talked enough about. Yeah. So I feel like when someone gets this thought in their head, oh, I actually feel like killing myself. Yeah, they're like, oh my God, I'm suicidal, I want to kill myself, I'm depressed.

I think about killing myself like all the time. All the time. Why have everybody has had those thoughts?

Do you know what I'm saying? Especially on a bad day you're like, you would dare going, okay, for one, I don't think I can cope with these feelings anymore and for two am I just better off just fucking ending it now but I think that like life is heavy life is overwhelming and it's fucking hard yeah like I always think it's something it's like maybe it's an intrusive thought always comes into my head but something that I'd never actually follow through with no same so.

For me it's a normal thought to have but I'm like I'm never going to follow through with it I feel like I want to kill myself today but then again maybe that I know people like experience suicidal thoughts differently that's just how I'm experiencing that would get thoughts that you know obviously that are overwhelming so ours are not the only reason I don't kill myself is fear of missing out I'm afraid to go on a miss I know do you ever think about your own funeral right I'd love

to attend my own funeral I think about my own funeral and I'm like fucking raging I'm dead for that party don't you dare have a party at my funeral now you'd be judging everybody walking in and you'd be like we didn't even fucking like each other what the fuck are you doing no it's not even that it's not even that all the haters can come to my funeral if they want it's just like all the haters are loud like I don't want people to have a party because I'm just going to be like aww I want

to be there do you know what I mean I don't want to miss out on a party that's like I have the worst FOMO so the only reason I don't kill myself is because I don't want y'all to have a fucking party that I'm not able to go to exactly and I think that's healthy yeah I think that's healthy it's a healthy normal thought process totally normal yeah, Don't let a woman with braces give you head if some of the wires are sticking out in her gob.

Rip the dick off you in bits. No good for riding then. Oh no. That's very good advice. Yeah. Have you ever had braces? I had braces when I was like 12 but they weren't on long enough. Were you giving blowjobs at 12? No, I wasn't. Like I was nasty but not that nasty. I mean you started at 7 but then you obviously took a break. No, that was Jade at 7, not me.

I fucking hope Jade wasn't giving blowjobs at 7. Jesus Christ, yeah but do like do you do skin actually get, you'd want to remember having braces and like they consume your mouth yeah this was years ago when it was like fucking train tracks braces are completely different nowadays they're a lot more discreet and they look a lot more comfortable but the ones that I had when I was younger were big ass fucking metal rods going through

my mouth yeah do you ever see the ones where they had the elastic and all oh yeah yeah you couldn't be giving blowjobs to that no give you a fucking imagine it snapped like and just like off the dick no it'd pull the foreskin right off you it'd give you what do you call when lads get their foreskin cut off oh it'd rip the japs oh circumcised yeah free circumcision, free circumcision with every set of braces.

You know what I mean that's great advice yeah no you can't be doing that no you can give blowjobs with braces just make sure the wires are neatly tucked in I had braces before but obviously it wasn't giving blowjobs but it does make a difference when you're kissing someone there's nothing more embarrassing when your braces bang off someone's teeth oh but it's not even that it was the fucking food that used to be stuck in it all the time

rotten and remember the wax you used to have to put on because you know when the wires do stick out and it can cut the inside of your mouth I never got people when they got coloured braces I did I used to get coloured you had the coloured braces I was 12 I was still in primary school mine so I thought I was real cool they're just like rotten teeth yeah no I wouldn't get them now but I thought back in 12 that's what fucking, too long ago I'm not even going to count I'm dyslexic,

I want to get gold grills you say I find that so. Cringing I want them no I want them the only reason I don't have them is because I'm fucking broke I'd actually wet myself laughing if you rocked up with a pair of gold grills I wouldn't care no because I would think I was the shit no you'd look so stupid no I wouldn't wait two gold teeth no I think they'd look deadly on me. I think they look dirty. Do you? Yeah. I look dirty in fairness.

I look like I'm going to rob you. You don't look dirtier though. No, I don't look dirty. I don't hate anyone that has it. I just find them kind of cringy. I think they're cool. If you have gold teeth guys or white gold teeth, I think you look like the shit. I do. And I want them. My brother has them. I know, yeah. I don't like them on him. You don't like them on him? No, I just don't like them on anyone. Yeah. I've got my cup of tea.

Moving on. Oh, do you remember when he used to glue little diamonds to your teeth?

I used to do that but I'm close to doing that no but it's coming back in I know I'm close to doing that it's coming back in just to see the little dye will we do it will we let's do it, let's do it I remember even when I was younger because I was obsessed with tattoos and piercings when I was younger you used to get like the sticker sheet and I used to go around and stick the stickers on like where it used to be pierced and all these little crystals on over my face.

On your vagina? No, I never have a jazz with myself. Right, moving on. Right. Saw a woman advocate using a pearl necklace wrapped around the cock whilst giving a wank. I ran to Claire's accessories and picked up an elasticated one, wrapped it around my significant other's dick and started moving it up and down. What I didn't realise is this pubic hair got caught and I pulled about 20 of them out. The screams of them. I wonder, minus the pubic hair, I wonder how that feels for a man.

Like moving that up and down. Obviously, it'd have to be quite low just to be able I wonder does that feel good for him I don't know I can't imagine because as far as I'm aware the shaft is like it's the head that is where you get most sensation and then the shaft is just like an added bonus oh so it's not holding it deep at the shaft you can no you can do that like right but like the most sensation is how you massage the top of it as you're going up oh really like even when I'm giving I thought

it was like getting right in you can't yeah you can do that but like most sensation comes from the top so the shaft is just you know yeah they do get something from the shaft but not as much like even when you're sucking them off like a deep throat or whatever and let it go down my throat but then I'll, manoeuvre my tongue in a way that as I'm coming up it's massaging this specific part of the top of the head lads I said to

Dani earlier I said our podcast is like porn for the blind it is porn for the blind it basically is I said to Dani I think we're taking it too far now that we have to move over onto fucking OnlyFans really what is this maybe then we'd actually start fucking making money what is this what is this what is this what are we doing blind people going oh yeah oh Oh, okay. If I was blind, I'd listen to it. I'd listen to it as well. Do you know what

I mean? Yeah, you gotta get your kids to listen. You can't look at porn, so you have to listen to it. No, you can listen to porn, but you don't get the detail that we give. Do you know what I mean? We are very, like, anal when it comes to the details. Yeah. Anal. Anal. Lol. Right. Got another one for me? I need all the sex tips I can get. Best advice, communicate with each other. Yeah. Definitely. Worst advice, anal with no lube.

Imagine it going into the shitter dry. Yeah, no, you can't. No.

You can't be doing that. you'd rip yourself a new arsehole yeah no you can't be doing that I don't think anyone would even try to attempt to try that no really no but sometimes when you're riding a man they accidentally on purpose ram it into the wrong hole now it doesn't go in accidentally on purpose accidentally on purpose that's rape no consent no consent, stop raping your girlfriends stop raping in the ass right it's not fair that's

the biggest tip that's the biggest sex tip don't rape your girlfriends don't rape your girlfriends tip number one the most important tip the most important tip no rape no rape.

Right pinch your man's ass just as he is coming thank me later boys oh, pinch his butt or pinch his butthole don't know just said pinch your man's ass just as he is coming, I presume he means ass then rather than butthole yeah I don't know we need more detail yeah I want to know about this right I'll move on to another one these are two short ones right hum whilst going down on a vagina.

Yeah I do like a good hum I love when someone's going down on me and they're moaning so I don't know if it's the moaning that I find sexy and that turns me on or if it's the actual vibration if you could hum a song well give it a blowjob what's the song you'd hum? Oh I don't know yeah what would I hum?

What would be a good song? working on two five yeah what a way to make living, barely yeah because that's got lots of good like different octaves and stuff and I'm working nine to five yeah working nine to five Okay, so pinch your man's ass when he's coming, and hum while he's going down Yeah, that's a top tip for men as well. Yeah. Like moan when you're going down on your woman. Like there's not a man that I've come across that moans. Yeah.

Now they're a heavy breed. That's because they're really concentrating. Yeah, they are. But like the girls that I've been with, every single one has moaned while they're down on me and it's really hot because I'm like, okay, they're really into this. Like that they're moaning because they're eating me out. There was one girl that I was with and she moaned galore when she was eating me. I was like, oh my God, she really is like wanting this. And that turns you

on more. Oh my God, I just kept getting wetter and wetter. It was hot. So top tips, moan when you're down on your missus and women do the same. Yeah, try it out. I'm going to try it at home. Yeah.

I'm ejecting a lightsaber or something. You know the way they make that weird noise when they pop out? I'd be like, men might like that. Men might like that. They can close their eyes and pretend a dick is a lightsaber. They would love that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Top tip. Lightsaber dips. Dip. Dip. Right. What's our next one? Oh, this is another one. Love the pod. Here's a few potential topics. Okay. Swinging in Ireland. We do want to delve more into that. Yeah,

we talked a little bit more about it. Seeking arrangement. What's seeking arrangement? Is that process or seeking arrangement is that like let's have a look seek and arrangement seeking arrangement oh seeking arrangement let's have a look isn't that like sex workers, no the only thing coming up for me is it's the name of an app seeking arrangement, oh okay right okay we'll look into it we'll look more into it and three people who can't get sex who?

People who can't get sex okay so talking about people that find it difficult to hook up with people or like find it difficult to have sex yeah I don't know asexual people no people that can't get it keep up the good work PS I'd love to lick Danny's arse what is people's obsession with licking my butthole don't know, what do people get out what do men get out of licking an arsehole, I know men I think it's just a submissive thing but I know men love like getting

their arse licked but that's because they're g-spots in their arse yeah but you come across as a real like boss bitch so I think men are just like oh I'd love to submit to her so it's like licking your arse do you know what I mean I'd prefer if you licked my fanny like yeah but for them they're just like I'd love to just eat shit out of her ass. Nice would you ask someone to eat your shit,

No? If they were like play as Danny I just want it like like a slice of meatloaf If they paid me big money I'd let them eat my shit then No but if you love someone No Just say Aaron was just like Danny do you know what just shit on that plate there just let me eat a slice I'd be like get the fuck out of my house Really? Let me eat a slice Yeah let me get a piece of this pie Let me get a slice of that Slice of that pie No No?

No that's Well I know you would with Jade Jade said to you look I really want to eat a log of your shit I'd probably go hold on till I wrap it up for you babe Yeah, I'd probably put it I'm literally just going to staple it in my way fresh out the oven I'll serve it to you whatever way you want babes how do I taste?

Oh I'm not eating it no fair I still wouldn't do it though I would find it a little bit weird now well I would hope so obviously but no but I wouldn't judge, no like if she wanted to eat my shit I wouldn't even shit in the room with somebody in the room no? No not even if even in my last date it was 11 years like I would never shit really? Even piss I'd say I'd probably piss this in his company maybe three times.

No, Jade will come home from work and most of the time the first thing she does is go in for a shit and I'll sit on the edge of the bat and we'll have great conversations together. No, don't do that at all. That would make me really uncomfortable. Really? Yeah. Oh no. That's my private time. No, we shit in front of each other all the time. Yeah. No, I can't shit without my fucking child following me to the bathroom. Yeah. I can't do anything without him. He's like a leech. Yeah.

Bothering that? No. Nope, doesn't bother me. Right, you got one. Right. Uh oh. Oh, this is.

Now, I got two of these in, right? All right. Okay. Do you have them? This is taking it up the next fucking level, right? I know we talk a lot about bestiality and it comes up on every podcast, right? But girls and boys, we're moving on from the dogs, right? Leave your dogs alone. No, we're moving on from the dogs. Okay, we have a new category in town today. Right. Bad advice. You talked about letting dogs lick your asshole on the live show.

I once let my hamster sit neatly in between my flaps He seemed to like it in there. Try it at least once, I say. A hamster? Hamster. Not the only one. So I got this in, right? Two days later, I get this one in. Myself and my boyfriend like to include our hamster into foreplay. He tickles both our genitals to arouse us before we are both wet and hard. Don't knock it. People are gaslighting us. No, they're either trolling us. A hamster. They're hamsters. What is a hamster going to do?

They're fluffy, I suppose. I tried to put myself in their perspective. If they're fluffy they're little they can get in there I would be afraid did you ever see the fucking teeth on a hamster? I know imagine the hamster biting the fucking clit off you they did take a clean off yeah the hamsters are tiny as well one bite and it's gone yeah there'll be no nibbling on that what's this little nut? Here, you mean? yeah something new? let me put that on my cheek for when I'm hibernating oh god.

Imagine trying to pull your clit out of a hamster's cheek give me a hand back, a whole little bite of scrub like gimme so you wouldn't be able to sell it back on that bit or click on forever, oh god no I wouldn't I wouldn't look I would rather let a dog down there than a fucking hamster, imagine a dog bit it off though because a dog would clap down on your whole that's what I don't understand like does your dog not like if they're licking

it and they enjoy the taste do they not like bite it I don't know, Maybe we should try and see. Coda! Just for the... For research purposes. Just for research purposes. Right. Hamsters? That's a new one for the pod. Thank you for sending that in. Somebody wrote this in.

Don't smell your fingers afterwards. What? Don't? That's the first thing I do. They're obviously... It's a turn off. They obviously don't like when someone smells their fingers after it. That's the first thing I'd do if I was with a woman. I'd be smelling my fingers.

Yeah, me too. I wouldn't wash my hands after fucking a woman I love the smell of vagina yeah love the smell of vagina he's gone down on me and then he's kissing me after and I can smell myself off his beard all day I love that no there's something I don't like that doesn't sit comfortable with me about that whole vagina in the beard for the whole day thing yeah no I don't know what it is all I can smell is me no I think it's the hair I think it's the beard hair right the flavour saver.

Nope alright guys when you come, don't pull out straight away leave it in for a bit after and cuddle your girl will love it trust me do you like when he leaves it in like after he's about come he just leaves his dick in your vagina yeah well it doesn't really sit there like a sausage in a bun it does eventually like gets after and then it just slips out but is it nice to stay in, no I suppose it's intimate maybe yeah but it wouldn't be,

something that'd make you that I'd love it like the whole intimacy part of it yeah I suppose I'm ready to go again no yeah clean up the mess and go again you're right okay Okay. Can you go again? Oh, I can always go again. Like how often? So if you come once, when like, what's the time limit between where you'd be able to come again? Yeah, but see, I only come with myself. Yeah. So I can do that quite a lot. Yeah. No, I need a break.

At the end of the day, then my vag looks like a pack of salami. Yeah. Because I'm all swollen and bed up. Yeah, I get you.

Nobody wants to look at a salami vag like do you know it's nice and neat I don't mind a bit of salami nice and neat until I pound it down too much and then things are smouldering and spread and yeah corned beef sandwich yeah you're not selling this to me here now, it's a good thing you're not single anymore because I don't think this podcast would do that for you no honey my corned beef cartons.

My linear corned beef cartons baby no I need like a good hour before I come yeah see what I do is, when I come I'll keep going and I won't stop and then I'll get loads of little waves of little ones and I can do that for about 15 minutes after it but then to have a proper full orgasm like I'll get little mini build ups and little mini cums and then probably to have a proper one I'd probably need an hour to have two proper orgasms but like I like riding a wave of like when it's like

loads of little ones I just came up with the best idea right me and you we bring out our own little, chocolate sweets and we'll call them mini cums mini cums yeah sort of like brown on the outside but white in the middle and then they melt when you eat them. Mini-cums by Unhinged. Mini-cums. And we should get a mould of each of our pussies. And then we can do little mini chocolate pussies. The sweets can be the shape of our clits. Yes. Oh, they'd be tiny sweets? Oh, they would be tiny.

It'd be like eating a coffee bean. Right. Is it my go or your go? I think it's my go. No, it's my go. Okay, go ahead. Two in the pink and one in the stink when you're licking the clit. You all know what I'm saying.

Yeah. I don't know if I'd like a... No, I don't really... maybe not in the ass I don't think that's ever I don't think I've ever had any I love getting fingered and ate out at the same time yeah but I've never had another finger in there I've never tried that no and I've never tried that now maybe not in but like a little woo a little tiggle maybe a little tiggle on the, sphincter no I don't think that's ever happened to me I'll try it I don't like anything in my ass but look

I'm not coming from once like maybe my problem is that I'm only going to be able because there is women that only come from anal yeah so maybe I just need to be more open to anal maybe and this is not an invitation of going to my asshole later literally more open this is just I mean ask first Aaron yeah at least, Aaron's obsessed with arse yeah I don't know why he's with me, yeah but like he's obsessed oh like with looking at yeah he's like he's an arse

man and I'm like what the fuck are you doing but he loves arse holes and all that he loves eating arse yeah but you make up for everything else that doesn't matter about the arse do you think so yeah I know so.

You're the best friend ever I am okay so this next one that I got in I feel like it's come in from someone who's really angry right the worst thing to do is tell someone that you enjoy it whatever they were doing but in fact you hate it so much that you prayed for it to be nearly over and deep down it was absolute shite that's so much right a lot of women do that though as well but that's I feel like that's women who are in these relationships are just like you know what I'm not a fucking

arse anymore here have me do what you want oh yeah that's great oh thank you so much you ever come so hard before for my life thank you I feel like there's a lot of women, because like there'll be times where, not now but like before that I was doing something and they'd be like oh are you enjoying that and I'd be like yeah and then I'm not I feel like when it gets to that point it's like time to, end things because if you're at that point where you actually don't even care

to communicate you're not enjoying it anymore there's not even that like one night that I've had I think I've had two or three one night stands and they'd be like you know looking for validation and stuff and I'm like yeah. Yeah so I feel like if it gets to that point in a relationship like yeah and that you're just not willing to communicate or maybe you have tried to communicate it and then they're just not listening you know what I mean and what are you supposed to do then?

I think men I think a lot of men nowadays like especially if it's eating out I think a lot of men eat now for their own pleasure so they do kind of eat the way that turns them on you know like ravish you and stuff whereas a lot of women even like myself include I like soft and gentle kind of movements whereas men are just like oh and I'm like no too much friction like they like their dicks been sucked kind of literally I get you and what it turns them on

like not having a face covered in pussy juice and stuff like women are not now some women probably do but personally well we'll get to the stats we'll get to the stats very soon just want to say you girls are brilliant listen to you in the mornings on the way to work which really cheers me up my sex advice would be to not slip it in the wrong hole accidentally on purpose it never ends well no I would imagine we mentioned that before accidentally on purpose is a nice term for rape yeah.

A polite way of saying it a polite way of saying rape stop accidentally raping your girlfriend yeah thanks very much for listening to the podcast it's really nice getting messages in like that because I had a really bad week last week not a really bad week but I had a bad week yesterday or yesterday last week where I was just like, oh my god like are these podcasts, okay too out there are they doing well do people actually like them am I coming across as a asshole do

people even like me yeah and are we just doing this but that's people are laughing at us and all and it's like that's the joys of putting yourself out there regardless of what we're doing or if we were actually being proper therapists or whatever on the pod we're going to second guess everything so last week I was second guessing everything I was just like I've had weeks like that feeling really insecure about what people think of me and stuff like

it's really nice especially looking back at the live show because even though everyone had a right time like do you know.

It's kind of cringy looking at herself kind of feeling that for the audience like I could not stop cringing when I was watching the whole show because me and Jade watched it back I still haven't watched it everyone who watched it back and all said it was fucking brilliant and Jade said it was like she was experiencing it again for the second time and Jade loved it loved it again she was like I'm so proud of you and all this and all that

but looking back and I was just like oh my god I'm actually so cringy I'm so fucking cringy but I got some boost after the live show though because Because even when we went off stage your halftime, you were like, we're doing this again. Yeah. And we were so panicking before we went on stage that we were like, are we doing the right thing?

Like, are we going to make a show of ourselves or whatever? And literally, we hadn't even walked off the stage for the interval and you looked at me and were like, we're doing this again. We were so high on life. But just the feedback from everyone, they're just having the best night of their life. Someone said it was better than the Pink concert. Oh! And we didn't have to fly around the stage. No, I mean, no, flying high, all right.

That's so funny anytime I see Pink's concert she's flying around yeah we definitely see that TikTok of the Scottish and Northern like Pink get down get down there's no need for you to be flying around I can't even do it he asked me get down but anyway yeah we were about to Pink concert oh I'll take that I'll take that somebody wrote in and goes lock the doors to no parents and especially kids can walk in randomly yeah that's pretty important yeah but,

what kids haven't walked in on their parents at some stage in their life I've never walked in on my parents I don't think I've ever walked in but I've heard them yeah I've heard them but it had been the middle of the night where I was supposed to be asleep kind of thing yeah and I remember my brother coming in and being like Sian I think mum and dad are fighting and I was like what and I walked in and I was like oh you walked in no I didn't walk in I was just like come on Justin let's just go to

bed now I think I was 12 I know and he'd have been younger like aw yeah no I wouldn't I've never been walked in I don't think by my kids yeah me neither because I don't have has Coda ever walked in on the times that she's not joining in oh she's watched well we did stuff on the sofa and then tried to join in and then like fuck's sake Koda and I had to put her in her cage yeah that's exactly what happened but like this podcast is making me go maybe I should just okay,

let's try it well hello there Koda well hello there. Right fucking rots me when he tinks I love to start this already, fucking rots me when he tinks he's in and he's heavy going as if he's racing in the grand fucking national when in fact he's nowhere near where he's meant to be makes you think how many years he's been fucking fresh air.

How do they I don't understand how they don't know that it's not in probably just between the legs or something do you know what I mean like between the between the toys and all that and again they're at the stage where the girls are just like you know what I actually don't even care go on to the man, he's enjoying it so whatever oh yeah baby and hanks I hate when they go in and they go hard straight away like if they go in and there's no like gentleness

at the beginning I love hard sex but I need to be warmed up to hard sex because if they go hard straight away my cervix just goes nope but then Jade Jade is the opposite. She has to go hard straight away. Not all the time. Yeah. No, I can go hard straight away, but it's uncomfortable. And then I find if I, when I want to go again because of kind of heart. Yeah. I do like that heart feeling. Yeah. But it restricts me from going again. Yeah.

Whereas if you take it slow and then go real hard, everything is loosened up and risen up and it's not as intense. Yeah. Then I can go numerous times. No, I like really go by like body language and stuff like that.

And I'm, I'm well used to knowing what Jade once in the moment but what I've noticed over how long I've been with Jade is, when she thinks it's going to be slow and easy and then it just goes fucking hard and she really responds to that it's like a surprise do you know what I mean she's like ooh and she really responds to that so I don't know everyone's different everyone.

Is different girls yes we've got a lot of stuff in for the guys right so girls please stop twisting the head oh yeah, no I don't twist the head I twist the shaft while my mouth is twist no yeah but so like I'll suction onto the top yeah I wouldn't say I twist I a little bit of a twist is that not pull the skin though well.

That's what this guy's problem obviously is like the skin has been pulled a little bit too much but see you have to make sure that the skin is down and that you're only moving the skin and the skin it's not coming over the top have you ever been with a fella who's circumcised? Yeah so they don't have that skin no so when you're it's great like what's been pulled when you're wanking?

Like there's still movement men have really stretchy skin on their dick anyway but you focus on the head so like I said like if I'm sucking someone off I'm focusing on the head with my tongue and then that little string at the side like if you massage that with your string?

Well the fucking banjo string but like they're real sensitive there on the little part where there's this so like I'll massage that with my tongue while the shaft is being massaged I am actually sweating because I feel ill I don't know what it is just don't mention banjo string to me ever again no I'm good at blowjob to be fair I know what I'm doing, Jesus Christ no but yeah no you wouldn't twist like no don't do that yeah let's move on because I'm going to puke on a microphone so sorry yeah,

Swallow, don't spit. Okay. Oh, yeah. I used to, I never used to be a swallower or a spitter. It'd be like, come on my tits or come somewhere else. See, you're always a swallower when you're going down on a girl. Yeah. Because it's just coming as it's happening. Do you know what I mean? The last time, yeah. Like I've swallowed, I swallow now. But it just, it depends, like if it's the first time that they've come in the day, it's a real shot to the throat.

And I'm kind of like oh no like the last time I swallowed it was very hard to swallow it down because there was so much it just hit the back of my neck and I was like.

Again I think I need to move on I actually feel like I'm going pale I don't mean to be offensive or anything, but yeah now I swallow but anything hitting the back of the throat yeah we have this gun thing that cleans it shoots out water into your teeth the flaster thing that hits the back of my tonsils and I'm gone yeah I'm fainted I don't really have I have a bad like I have a pretty good gag reflex like I don't gag when things are there

very often but like if I'm caught by surprise I've got to move on no let's move on, worst advice my nanny always told me ma worst advice my nanny always told me ma was that to keep a husband you have to give him sex whenever he wants that's real old school yeah that is real old school yeah that's very bad advice yeah that is bad advice I mean it's probably true yeah Yeah. To keep them fucking happy. But that's bad advice.

That's true. But then like there's people that have wrote in and I've spoken on and that they've found out that their partner is cheating on them. But they would have had a really good regular sex life. So I don't think that's true at all. Yeah. I think men will do whatever they want to do. And who is going to, nowadays anyway, like put aside their own wants to keep a man.

The man wants to go. Yeah, it's just not how things are done these days. No. I have one more before we move on to the stats right go on now it's you isn't it oh yeah never call her a good girl if you're related.

Yeah that's probably a big no no yeah that's probably a big no no do you like being called a good girl not particularly no no maybe if it not during sex but like if I do something like, like even just normally to everyday life and they say oh good girl I'm kind of yeah but during sex I'm like uh uh I get you I get you it can catch me off guard every now and then yeah it kind of triggers you're like oh that's a bit spicy yeah but during sex no yeah and I wouldn't be much into dirty

talk during sex at all I love dirty talk no it gives me the ick cringes me I love it and especially because if I went to go and give someone for me right give me a bottle of wine oh my god I think I'm in a porno yeah I think everybody's like that I will talk absolute utter shit it in your ear when I'm on a bottle of wine but the other person has to be on a bottle of wine as well yeah no now I would talk a lot dirtier like with a few drinks but even

just normal sex like I'd be like oh my god you fuck me so good you know that I'll encourage them because they really like men love encouragement yeah so like if I'm like encouraged if I'm really enjoying myself I'll make it very known that I'm enjoying myself and in terms it makes them work harder and work better and I'm like.

Do you know do you know when you're drinking right and you go have really drunken sex you think you're the fucking sexiest best ever I would absolutely love right to down a bottle of wine or two bottles of wine go have sex and record it and watch it back how fucking fun would that oh my god I would love to because the two in your mind in the moment and what it's actually looking like because I'd find even my drink because I'd be quite paranoid over my body and stuff like

so I would never do positions like in a way that my fucking belly is like hanging or looks disgusting or whatever but if I'm drunk like I lose all self consciousness I'm the same and I'm like I am the hottest person in the room right now and I'm going to put on a fucking show so you better sit back and watch and get that popcorn ready and sometimes there's no one even there with me no just having a great old time looking in the mirror going look at this goddamn do you ever goddess

yeah do you ever wank looking at yourself I have before yeah me too but only because not looking at my face or anything no I'm looking at my pussy yeah, pussies are hot yeah because I'm a lesbian so I can look at my own guts every now and then and be like yeah Yeah. But even, yeah. Just imagine it's someone else's. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, I'd be looking at my face. I don't have a good sex face.

Oh God, no. I'd be looking at my, oh God, no. Oh Jesus, no. My clit would invert if I gave my own eye contact to my own eyes. Eye contact to your eyes. Imagine me looking into the mirror trying to give my own self eye contact. No, I'd be like, what have we got here?

Right so that's all I have I do have a few other this is my last one before we get into the stats what men and women actually fucking like right anyway guys yes please stop saying do you like that huh no we don't fucking like it, I do like if I wouldn't mind them saying I don't know if I'd like do you like that be like is that good for you do you like that huh do you like that huh yeah do you like that huh you want to you want this oh you do like it.

You want a bit of this right so thanks to everyone for sending those in right, but we did some little we did a little bit of research to find out what women and what men actually like yeah right, now I've read over stats for women and for men and they're very different okay right which is weird yeah because you would think like men and women are made to be compatible for each other yeah biologically yes right but we're not really compatible no men and women really aren't compatible

like according to these this fucking experiment anyway right I think you should do the women first right, stats for women the study the study asked 1055 heterosexual women in the US to answer a questionnaire that covered everything from sexual attitudes down to their preferred pattern of genital stimulation the participants ranged from 18 to 94 94 saucy grannies yeah their answers were very revealing more than 36% of women

reported needing clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, while less than a fifth reported that intercourse alone was sufficient. An additional 36% said that clitoral stimulation wasn't necessary, but made for a better orgasm. When asked about their ideal techniques, two-thirds preferred direct clitoral stimulation. Of those that preferred indirect stimulation, the majority preferred touching through the skin above the hood.

So like directly on the skin. Yeah. While a smaller number preferred touching through boat lifts pushed together like a sandwich. I get that. I'm like that. I understand that. Yeah. Fewer than 10% of women enjoyed stimulation to their mons pubis, the squishy area of tissue above the pubic bone.

Yeah. The little triangle. angle yeah around five percent preferred when their partner avoided to click altogether yeah something else most women agreed on light to medium pressure on the genitals is best only one in ten said they preferred firm pressure during stimulation more than half the women in the study said that spending time to build arousal having a partner who knows what they like and an emotional intimacy contributed

to better orgasms and one last thing stamina is less important than you might think. Less than one in five women indicated that sex that lasts a long time made orgasms feel better. Hmm. Very interesting. I'd be very into like, don't touch me directly on the clit. I like the whole area. I like that. Yes, I understand. Not directly on. So like, I want your full palm or your hand and that movement. And feel the motion of the fingers.

Because I find that right under the clit, you know, that kind of hard area. Yeah. That's, if I rub that, I come real fast.

Yeah. But it's too... directly on the kit I don't like at all yeah it's almost frustrating yeah irritating yeah it is it gets a bit too much yeah right so stats for men right it wasn't it wasn't as technical okay as what the women went right their number one thing for men is feeling desired so as you said earlier right almost three quarters of the men 73% said feeling desire. Desired was critical to their libidos several mentioned some versions of adage, men lust. I don't know what that is.

I'm shit reading out shit. You want me to read it out? I'm going to pass this on to Danny because I have dyslexia as we all know. Stats for men. Feeling desired was the number one factor affecting desire. Almost three quarters of the men, 73% said that feeling desired was critical to their libidos. Several mentioned some version of the adage men lust. Women want to feel desired and disagreed with it.

They loved their partners coming on to them from playfully initiating erotic touch to saying let's do it.

So men love not having to initiate it. they like their women taking control and making them feel wanted unexpected sexual opportunities two thirds of the men 66% said that they turned lusty when their spouse presented sexual prospects that were, unanticipated so surprise so surprise sex yeah who would schedule in the sex yeah many of the men said that their sex was usually scheduled in advance this is what sex therapists almost universally recommend for long term couples especially those

with significant desire differences But the men said occasional spontaneity got them excited, particularly when their partner initiated. They want direction. Yeah. So there's this common misconception that men have to initiate sex all the time. Yeah. And the women would be like, well, we never have sex because he never initiated it. Yeah. But then a lot of women find it uncomfortable to initiate sex. Yeah. Men love to feel wanted. Yeah. And men like to be vulnerable.

Yeah. And like, not even that the woman take charge, but they want to feel wanted. So that's why men love, I think I find men love encouragement during sex more. Yeah. Because I've, like I said earlier on, when you encourage them. Yeah. They really put effort in and it makes them really horny. Yeah. And that's why I think a lot of men love sex talk because they're like, okay, well, she's really wanting me now and this has really turned me on.

So I'm going to make her grateful for wanting, you know, that kind of thing.

And then I was surprised to hear that they want direction because a lot of women obviously they write in they're just like oh my man like I just fake my orgasms all the time no men want to be told what to do tell your men what you want they love instructions when it comes to sex I love directions I love like oh yeah you tell me like best for everyone involved exactly I love it and I will give directions but like if something's happening to me and I'm

just not feeling it I'm just like do you know what I mean I'll be aware I'll let the other person be aware of that I'm not just going to sit there and fucking let someone do something that I'm not enjoying yeah like how's that benefiting either party it's not benefiting anyone anyway those stats were very they were I'd like to see some Irish stats though yeah because I was googling like stats for Ireland maybe we could conduct our own maybe we

could oh my god we should do our own survey women of Wexford not even women of no but we should we'll start with Wexford just Irish women in general yeah just do a survey of and ask Irish men and Irish women because I'm sure there's massive differences between different cultures. Yeah, we'll look into that. We'll look into that. Yeah, we should. I think that would be great. That's a great idea. Let's do that. We'll come up with our own survey. Anyone who is good at surveys, slide into the DMs.

Yeah. Well, they can't be that hard to do because even people doing college work and stuff would set up their own. Yeah, but I wouldn't know. We'd need to get a professional in because I wouldn't know what questions to be asking. No but we ask on our own No I get you but it'd be good to have an actual sex therapist come in and help do up the survey That'd be cool Do you know what I mean?

Yeah To know the right type of things because we'd just be asking dirty shit like soaking cock Do you know what I mean? Ask proper questions Yeah do you want your ass hit? Do you know what I mean? Yeah But yeah That was very interesting That was a very interesting pod It was. Will we keep the two little things that I have for the extra pod?

Yeah okay Right Yeah that was very interesting I loved getting in people's I do have other little things but you know what we're going to keep that for a bonus episode so you're going to have to subscribe to listen to it oh god the bonus episode last time well Danny it was too much, it was too much it really was it was literal porn oh actually going on to the survey I was actually listening to a podcast a while ago I need to listen I'll

send it to you to listen again because it's very interesting and it was a sex therapist and she was talking about that, the women's least favourite part of sex was penetration really?

Mhm I need to send you we need to listen so I'll send it to you and I'll listen to it again and we'll take dinner on but it was, an extremely interesting pod yeah I'll send it to you and listen to it yeah and do you know the name just for people listening yeah oh do I know it now, hang on yes I do just give me two seconds because Ellen sent it to me now listen listeners you can go listen to this podcast but you come right fucking back you hear me so the orgasm expert,

right hang on now is she Irish Irish? No, English. Sometime today. Right. So the diary of a CEO was Stephen Bartlett. Oh, I love that podcast.

And so he had on the orgasm expert. Women don't like penetrative sex as much as men. This is how often you should be having sex. Stop inviting pets into the bedroom. Dr. Karen Gurney. Right. Did you hear that listeners? Stop inviting the pets. So you need to listen to it. I'm going to have a listen to it. We can talk about it. Yeah. So listeners look that up as well.

Because it was very interesting very interesting and it was very relatable as well yeah, okay great news great news we've come to the end we've come to the end of the podcast yeah we've come and we're coming to the end of the podcast on to the next filthy bonus episode now for the subscribers I don't know if it'll be as filthy as last week's one no I can't even when I was editing it Annie I was like that's actually awful how do we get away with

it no I don't know because it's disgusting it really is like I'm ashamed of myself, I'm ashamed of myself oh well you know at least people can say that we're not transparent in who we are I know anyway guys that's it for today's episode thanks for listening and we'll see you. Music.