Reflections on a Day with Mothers Separated from Their Children - podcast episode cover

Reflections on a Day with Mothers Separated from Their Children

Jun 10, 202535 min
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Episode description

Brian Gerrish and Jemma Cooper of UK Column reflect on a meeting with mums separated from their children. 

https://www.ukcolumn.org/video/reflections-on-a-day-with-mothers-separated-from-their-children

Transcript

Good afternoon. Great pleasure for me to have Gemma Cooper with me in the studio. Now Gemma, I'm really pleased to say, has joined the UK column team. So Gemma, welcome. This is your first time in the studio with me, but welcome to the UK column. Well, thank you. I mean it. It's an honour. It's a real honour. I've spent my my entire career in in the mainstream media, left the BBC in 2021 and then I've been an alternative media ever since and worked for a variety

of organisations. But it's UK column. I mean, it's just brilliant for me, absolutely brilliant. Excellent. Thank you for the kind words. Now I remember the first interview that I did with you. I can't remember how long ago it was. It was a couple of years ago, wasn't it? And you wore a very nice yellow jacket, but that didn't go too well with our, with our green screen. So you're looking lovely today, presentable in front of the camera and you're not wearing yellow.

So that's that's a plus point. That was a schoolboy error on my part. Yeah. Well, OK. And viewers of course can't see it, but actually we we are in a very different studio from the one that we've operated for many years. And this is the result of Mike Robinson doing a a big change round with help from Patrick Henningsen. So there was a good bit of teamwork going on there.

So we're in a much nicer studio layout and one of the things that this has made it easier to do is is have a little bit more of an informal chat in the studio. So I said to Gemma, relax, it's going to be an easy one to do. And I think you were quite impressed when you you walked in to see the new layout. Absolutely, yeah. I mean, it doesn't look any different for you guys at home. You still see the classic UK column with the hoe behind us

and everything. But actually from a broadcast standpoint, there's lots of exciting things happening here and the studio looks amazing and I think people may see some changes in the future. Well, there's, yeah, there's a lot more to come, but that, that'll, that'll be enough of a little bit of advertising the UK column. But it's, it's, we're working very hard not only to do more, but to make what we, what we do look better.

Professional, Yes. But at the end of the day, we don't want to be too professional because then all sorts of accusations are made that we're too like that dreadful organisation. I'm not going to mention.

So this was a little discussion between Gemma and myself which I prompted and it's as a result of the fact that last week I was given the opportunity to speak at a gathering of mums who've had their children taken away through the so called Family Court Child Protection System. And it was a great privilege for me because the organisation simply works with mums.

And they specifically said to to me that there were no men who were allowed to come anywhere near the meetings because some of the mums have had problems in relationships. So for me as a male to be invited to go and spend the day with the mums and and to give a talk, a short talk was a great privilege. I decided that it would be good if I took Gemma and the joke that we shared with the ladies of course, was that as the only male present, I needed a

chaperone. So Gemma kindly volunteered to come as my chaperone for the day. Of course she wasn't needed because the mums were lovely and we had some really wonderful conversations with them and they were very welcoming. So now I'm not mentioning the name of the of the little charity. And this is because it's early days in, in our relationship and they have to be very careful in the sorts of material that they're putting out and sharing. And so I was invited to give a

talk. We are going to talk to you, the UK column audience, a little bit about how we found it. And I was particularly interested in how Gemma saw things because Gemma has has got a little bit of understanding about what goes on when children are taken. But this was the first time that she for some that you've been able to meet in one environment. How many mums was it? 24 I think or 25? Yeah. And, and therefore I said to to Gemma because she was new to the

subject. I thought it would be really great if we had a chat where Gemma was able to tell me this is feedback from me, but it's also feedback from the UK column audience how how she found the event and how she found hearing the stories and the the cases that the women talked about. So are we allowed? We're allowed to say. We went to a nice hotel close to London and one of the meeting rooms in the hotel was set aside for the mums.

Tell us how you found it, Gemma. I mean, where I don't really know where to start because it made, it really did make me look at myself that day because I did go still with a bit of a mainstream media journalist head on. And that was my, my bad. And I, I went thinking, no smoke without fire. You know, these are mothers that have had their children taken off them. If a father has a child taken off them, it's generally because

he's a bit of a wrongan. So there, there must something must have happened for these mums to have their kids taken off them. And I was expecting to hear stories that made me think, oh, yeah. Well, you is no, no, no, the blame game, that kind of thing. I, I, I would hear things that make me think, well, I'm not surprised you had your kids taken off. You know, I had a very mainstream media trained head on when I walked through the door, but what I got was the exact

opposite. And I was so overwhelmed by the amount of heart centred, empathic empaths, really women that had just lived lives of, of not all, some had had very nice childhoods, but some had had very traumatic childhoods.

So it had LED them to make not poor choices, but to maybe be gravitate towards partners who really weren't suitable for them because they were very empathic themselves and hearing stories that they came out with about what happened via maybe the control of the partner, which is why they didn't want any men there. It there were some parallels in my own life where I thought I've had experiences like that, not all, but with partners with control issues and what I came

away with. The take out for me, the biggest take out was when some of the stories I heard, I thought this isn't actually even about the child, it's about the control of the woman through the child from the partner. That was some of the stories that I got. I didn't get to speak to all 24 women, but the few of the stories that I got, it was very much the part of wanting to take the children away and have them so that the woman will be

controlled by him. For the kid and I, some of the women were just so ones I spoke to, so warm and wonderful and I, I really was ashamed that I'd walked in there like a mainstream media journalist. So I already know the story before it's even come out. I know what I'm going to write. I know what I'm going to say. Well, that was blown out of the water. Thank you. Thank you very much for saying it in such, such a frank and honest way because I, I didn't know how you would find, I knew

you would find it difficult. But of course, key thing for me to say to the audience is this is the first I've dealt with. I don't know how many mums cases over the years that I've dealt with, but this was the first time that I've been able to be with a group of women. And initially you and I sat outside while they said just give us some time to just to relax the women. And I was very happy to do that, of course. And we sat and had had a coffee.

But when about an hour later, the door opened and we were encouraged to come in, it was obvious that inside that room had been a lot of emotion. And what we were subsequently able to see was of course that there were some mums who'd been associated with the charity for some time. And what does the charity do? Its main job is to help support and stabilise and strengthen women who've had their children

taken away. So some of the women who'd been involved with the charity longer were clearly working very hard to calm down and support the mums who were new to the whole thing. And a comment which stuck in my head very quickly when we went into the room was, was one of the ladies said, well, of course, Brian, what you've got to remember is every one of these women would prefer not to

be here. And that was that was a very telling comment for me. So, so even the idea of coming together with other mums where of support and they're strengthened by hearing other cases, it's not just them, but even having to listen to other mums talking about it, that was a that was a powerful emotion. Yeah, and there were lots of tears, lots of tears. And, and some women stood up and told their stories very bravely, very courageously, straight from

the heart. And then, of course, you know, it's such a deep emotional issue, the mother child bond, you know, you're not talking about maybe going through a bad divorce or which is traumatic enough, But these this is this is the the ultimate love bond. And you. So the triggering was going on all the time, you know, and suddenly you would hear some howls from the corner of the room as women just lost it because it was bringing up everything for them. And I mean, I had tears.

I had tears when you played that very emotive film where we saw, and it was a very powerful thing to do in that room where we played some clips. We've already showed on the column anonymous clips of when people in social services and police have come to take children away from their mums. And that got the whole room, myself included. I've seen it on the column. But seeing it in that room with all the emotion and energy there, I, I was, I'd gone.

I was crying. I was like, Oh my goodness me. But having said that, it was still really a very professional day, very well organised, very well held. The space was held really well for those women and for us as as a meteorite. It was just, yeah, the emotion was the emotion. Was. Actually was overwhelming. It was overwhelming. Absolutely, absolutely true. At the start or near the start, there was a very nice lady called Debbie who was trained in

order to give professional help. So counselling and psychology. And it was interesting to see her give a little bit of a talk about what she did and, and how how she tried to help calm down and strengthen some of the women. And, and because of the emotion that you were talking about there, Gemma in the day, she, she had to use her skills at several times during, during the day when mums in hearing what was being said were absolutely overcome with emotion.

And I I thought she did a really good job at at working with them to to get them in a better, better frame of mind. Absolutely. And it and that and again it was how that the charity had held the space. They knew that they would need somebody like that. They knew that people were going to break down and and she was the kind of fulcrum of, you know, where you could go and she would, she was holding the space for a lot of women who were just in floods. Close to it.

Well, we, we saw one of the speakers, you know, very bravely told her story and then just almost collapsed at the end of the motion and shaking and sobbing. And it was, it was so much bravery there. Yes, but something which I learnt from that group of women, which I I've not learnt from the other mums that I've talked to. And that was that for many of them it's, it's a feeling of shame that these terrible circumstances have happened.

Sometimes they clearly haven't made good choices in their lives. But do they deserve to have their children simply taken away, or babies taken away or all their children taken away? The answer has got to be no. But it it came to the surface quite quickly that a lot of them, one of the key things stopping them moving forward was that as a result of what had happened to them, they felt this intense shame inside. And that, that was something I I

absolutely learnt from. Yes, and and I do remember in one of the early conversations of the day where one of the women spoke to me and said, you know, you do carry. It's a shame because people do have the attitude of there's no smoke without fire. There's got to be a reason this has happened. Well, we are there are reasons, but they're not the reasons you would think that the women are incapable mothers. They're different reasons, which

we'll probably go into. And I but I did think at the start of the day, I was thinking like that. Well, you know, it's got to be something here and what what I heard, I was just it makes it made me question everything again. I question everything anyway since leaving the mainstream and before that and but you know, the the system, the reasons behind controlling women, why sever the mother child bond? Why this rush to you know, and you answered some of those questions actually when when you

gave your presentation. But but yeah, the questions I came away with were not the questions. I walked in that door at the beginning of the day. It was a transformative day. It, it was absolutely I, I was very, very impressed with the way that the charity was approaching its work. So what's the important thing for them? Strengthening the women, taking them from being Rex in some cases, and I don't mean that in any disparaging way, but women in very bad place to get them

strengthened. So at least they can start to have a life and then when they get stronger in that life, hopefully they're in a position where they can go on to have a better life and or be doing something to carry on fighting for their children. But the overall theme that the overall emotion through that is, is the loss of the children.

And as one of them said to me, The thing is, if your child dies, but you have to accept that and you grieve and then, then you can move on. But if you don't have your child and you don't know where your child is and you don't know how they're being treated, your mind is just full of the emotion of your lost child the whole time. And so that was, that was another very powerful thing that was said, said to me. But the charity tries to build the mothers up and this is, this

is fantastic. And what, what I tried to do in that presentation was to be saying that if you are in a stronger place as a, as a mother, you can fight for your children better. So you're going to perform better in court if you're in a stronger place. And I don't know, you might have thought I was being a bit brutal at one stage, but I said to the mothers what I believe is absolutely true, that if the mums cry at the wrong time, they

lose. Because there's nothing the court loves better than an absolute broken emotional mum. Because then they can accuse her of being having emotional problems and breakdown and being an unsuitable mother. So if you show too much emotion, the system attacks you and if you show too little emotion. And several of the mums actually talked about that, didn't they? They did, yeah. And then they said the paradox is, of course, because the system seems very geared to this subjugation of women.

Is they? They said if the woman cries, that's it, Game over. You know, she's a hysterical mess, not capable of looking after her kids. If if if a father cries, apparently these are the stories that were relayed to me. If a father cries in a family court, he's seen as a sensitive, caring man, not a hysterical, you know, piece of work. And and again, everything seems designed to just. Beat them down. Beat them down. Any showing of anything human, you know, forget it. Yes.

Yeah. It's the system all over. Don't be human. Yeah, so the mum cries and she's going to lose because that that'll be used against her. And this is one of the things that I said and what I was trying to do was to actually to show those mums that there is a way of fighting, but they have to start to act in a different way. What they wear makes a

difference. So a lot of mums will go into court wearing very casual clothes, the sorts of clothes they they probably feel comfortable in, but in the power dynamics of a court, that doesn't always put them in the best light, particularly if it's just a scruffy T shirt.

And so in my mind, I can see that in the right place and the right time, some of these mums can be helped to fight more effectively through the family court system, as corrupt as it is, but they can do certain things to help that. And, and the other thing is that they have to understand what they're up against. And so I, that little film clip that I put together of the mums that we've done the interviews

with. So that was, that was Sam, the black lady who's who's phenomenal, the Portuguese lady. So Sam who's had two children taken away, Yolanda who'd had a baby taken at birth. That was horrific, horrific. 1J, who was speaking out on the abuse of her granddaughter, and then the last lady who was anonymous was talking about having her two very young children taken away and she was holding up the dummy and the little. I'm not sure what you call the baby grow.

Is that what it's called? Yeah, so she held up the dummy and the baby grow to say these were the only things that she got left to to remember her children by. Because of course in talking to me in the interview, she wasn't allowed to show photographs of her babies. So that film clip I really thought very hard about. It was only 9 minutes long, little clips of these mums speaking but I put it up in order to show the.

The mums in the room, they were not alone and also the UK column knew what it was doing in interviewing them. But you said to me at one, one point stop it. And because that little video clip created a lot of very strong emotion amongst some of the women to the extent that they got so emotional they had to leave the room. But I didn't want to stop the clip because that was that was us demonstrating that we actually knew what what it was

about. And and I got some nice comments about it at the end of the day, one lady said. I nearly couldn't watch it, but I did and I'm glad I did. I thought you doing that was a gamble. I mean it was the second half of the day and and you were obviously showing the charity and all of the mums in there what the column column was about the coverage that we've done on the state stealing children, which is what this is, is all about. State stealing.

Yeah, state stealing children and you were obviously showing the women look, this is this is our pedigree. This is the work that particularly you have done and the column have done and then include. So it came in with stories and and a few stories of head shots with mums, but then got into those very emotive clips and the dummy and the baby grow and the one at the end where the police turned up at someone's house to take tiny children out of their

mother's arms. That got that got the whole room. And I was like, Brian, turn it off. And you were like, no, I'm going to show it. And I thought, God, that's that is quite brutal and quite, you know, none of these mums do they need to have their trauma re triggered to such an extent. But it did work. It did. It did work and I think that it it did get them to trust the column and trust that we can help, which is what we want to do. And we know what we're talking

about. What we're talking about is the key thing. And the other bit that we did is, is, well, which I thought was an important thing to talk about, was to be showing them the size of the beast that they're up against, that many of them think that everything that's happened to them is just focused on them as individuals. When in fact, 24 mums in the room showed no, no, this is happening to a lot of other mums. It's thousands. It's the reality.

But how big the beast is, they're up against. And to try and demonstrate how cruel the system is, I put up the little BBC clip of the Tory whip, Tim Fortescue. I think the date was 1995. You can find that on YouTube as a little interview the whip gave to the BBC in which he casually says, well, MPs came to us with their problems. It could be money, it could be little boys and we fixed it for them. And why did we fix it? We fixed it because then they would do as we asked.

So there you have a senior politician with immense power. I think he was the chief whip, but certainly a whip admitting that the Conservative Party was covering up the abuse of children in order that they could blackmail MPs into doing what the party political system wanted. And, and that clip in front of the mums also, because I had several of them say to me, I've never seen that clip before. And I said to them, do you understand what it means? Oh, they got what it what it meant.

Yeah, they did. They did. They did. Yeah. And I thought it was very well done how you did say to the women, oh, I bet they said this to you in court. Yeah, they did. Oh, I bet your social worker might have said this. Yeah. And it's like, it's a patent. It's a script. It's a template that that the system is using to, to to take

these children. And of course you do because they're so heightened, you, they take it, internalise it and think, well, it's because of me, which is probably some of the backgrounds that these women have had, the childhoods, they have internalised a lot and thought, oh, this is because of me. You know, this trauma is about this environment. It's because of me because that's how children think. And then you carry it with you to the rest of your life. So it's trauma upon trauma.

And I think the system knows very well hearing that, you know, it is a template. It's nothing to do with you. It's just a template to get your kids is that the system knows how to manipulate people in trauma. We saw that 2020 onwards. I mean, you put the whole world in trauma and you can manipulate it and make it do whatever you want. And so that's what the system is doing on a on a smaller scale was not that small with this

taking of kids. Yes, and we we then did our best to lead them to. Well, OK, if you're going to fight something, you've got to understand what you're up against. But once we'd talked through that, the, the idea that the mums haven't got a drown in thousands of hundreds or thousands of pages of court documentation, which they see as the evidence. If, if the mums talk to you about what's happened in the case, to them, the evidence is, is, is everything that's in the

court bundles. It's the emails, it's the letters, it's the telephone call transcripts. And, and I, I said to them what I really wanted to say to them, I know the evidence is you. And the more mums that come forward to talk about what's happened and how it's happened that that forms the real body of evidence and that is what needs to be exposed to the wider public. And we did get a response. So we, we, we have got 2-3

ladies. I think there may be another one from that group who have been in contact with us and said, Oh my goodness, we, we, well, we got something out of what you did. And, and, and I think I'd like to speak out. And that is a huge plus because it means we've taken people from being, albeit in a very nice support group to say, no, don't just be in a support group. Come and fight. And that to me was was a big plus that we had that

connectivity. Absolutely. But I do think it's down as well, the testament as I go back to the start of, like, I was expecting a certain type of person when I walked through the door. And what I found was bravery, strength, empathy and so much courage. And I think, you know, explaining things the way you did to them. I mean, I was just an observer, but making, you know, contacts.

But it did spark something in a lot of them where they thought, yeah, I'm going to do it because they want, one, they want their kids back and two, they seen so much injustice and that bravery in all of them. That heart centred was the word courage comes. It means karage, doesn't it? I think it comes from the heart, yeah. And that's so we, yeah. Brilliant that we've got some from that group that will speak to us and the stories I think will resonate with more and more people.

That's the reach of those stories and the issue itself, It comes more into the public. Yeah, comes up. Yeah. So looking back on it now, few days have gone past. Looking back on it, what do you think you got out of it? Well, I looked at myself and I thought, I looked at myself and my mainstream media training and I thought it hasn't left me yet. So indoctrinated how they train you in the mainstream that you know what the story is before you go. And I did have a bit of that in

my head. So it really made me look at myself that I was quite embarrassed actually that I'd gone in with that attitude. But that's that's my brainwashing for my, my former career. And then I was thinking about the women and the ones that I spoke to and how they were parallels, the some parallels with my own life and going through trauma in a, in a particular relationship, which wasn't very healthy for me. And I, and I was hearing that and I was really hearing about

this control of women. It's about the control of women. That was what this, my instincts were telling me is this is all about keeping women in their place almost. It's, it's really hard to explain unless you were there. But the women's stories in themselves with the ones I spoke to were so similar about the abusive partner, about the domestic violence and about escaping the domestic violence,

escaping the partner. And as soon as they asked for the divorce or said, I'm leaving you, I don't want to be battered anymore, that was when, right, I'm getting the kids, I'm going to take the kids. If you're going to leave me, I'll get the kids. And they did. They did. They did. The partners did. And I thought, yeah, this is all about, this is about you. It's not about the kids.

And also one woman said to me the the husband or boyfriend had said I'll go to prison or I'll die before I see you get the kids back. And I thought that's how walked it is. And then, and then the court, the whole court system works to support the abusive partner, to gain the children. This, this is the story. And, and of course, for the women, it's a nightmare because most of them don't want, well, they obviously don't want to go

near the family court. But when when they do, they're approaching it that this court is going to be fair and it's going to come to sensible decisions. And then they're in, they're in this closed court. Star Chamber is what it is with no jury and no proper press where everything is turned on them. That's what's so vicious about it. And that's what does so much damage to them, I think. Yeah, absolutely. Well, the system's been geared up. We want to go really deep.

The system's been geared up against women for quite some time and but then I was also approaching it from another level and there was a lot of talk in there from me to other women about this rise of the divine feminine, which has been banded about in some circles. Not everybody will resonate with

that. And I thought these these women in this charity and the ones that are now brave enough to speak out, bravely speaking out, this is some kind of energetic shift which we saw 20-20 onwards of like people saying no to the system and saying no, you're not telling me what to put in my body and you're certainly not having my kids.

And it was the same kind of dynamic on a smaller scale of what a lot of us collectively in 2020 said, no, this is wrong, I'm not staying at home, this is all wrong. Instinctively in my heart, I know this is all wrong and these women are feeling the same, the same way. And, and, and she's something we should mention is that for a lot of the women in these cases, certainly there was a couple in that room. But for a lot of women who've experienced these problems countrywide, it was compounded

during locked COVID lockdown. Because if you've got an abusive partner and you're locked up with them, 20 fours at 4 hours a day, seven days a week, because the government puts you in that situation that caused huge problems. And This is why statistically, you can see this huge surge in children that were taken, taken during that period. So, yeah, this is a very interesting point. I, it was a privilege. It was an incredible day.

I was able to speak, sit and chat to a couple of the ladies sort of at the end of the day before I before I drove back. But in my drive from close to London back down to Plymouth, yeah, it was a swirl in my brain. It really made an impact on me. And in fact, it was there Saturday morning in particular, so very emotional. But what a privilege to be invited to, you know, to go and meet them. And I was asked if I'd write a little article for their newsletter, which I've done.

I'm waiting to know whether my words have been approved. But if, if they do use those words that text in their newsletter, then I will feel that it's OK to pop that up on the UK Con website with this video and and our viewers get a better reflection of of the day. I'll emphasise that the reason I'm being coy about the charity is because they receive funding, of course, from a number of sources. They need to function as a charity because they're they're

doing good work. But yeah, people have got reason to believe that if they they deal with news channels that are challenging the system, maybe this will cause problems. And we don't want to cause any problem to their setup and their organisation and their funding stream.

But what I am hoping is that they're also going to perhaps give, give the UK column permission to do a one off fundraiser for them because I'd really like to raise money for that group of women because I think they're doing a brilliant job. Oh yeah. So we'll see what happens. Well, there we are. Gemma. That wasn't too painful, was it?

Well, it was a brilliant experience for me and now being in the studio to talk about it, it's my first appearance in the new studio, first since I began working with you guys a few months ago. And it would think it's just, it was a really interesting day in how the column goes out and showcases what we do. We're not the mainstream, we never will be. And we tackle the stories and this is the story the mainstream should be absolutely investigating. Of course, it won't go near it.

We all know why. So for me, it was, it was a double whammy really in in how the columns journalism is received. And it was received exceptionally well by an exceptional group of people. And yeah, collaboration is key in these crazy times. So we hope to support them as much as we can. Do more. Brilliant Gemma, thank you very much for joining me in the UK column Studio. Thank you very much. Nice to be here. Yeah.

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