¶ Two Guys and Beer Podcast
All right , well , welcome in folks once again . Folks , because you know we're super hip and old .
We're hip and old or something folks .
Ladies and gentlemen , boys and girls , adults of all ages of drinking age , and I suppose , if you're younger , maybe you're just learning the ropes of a beer for future reference .
Well , what is drinking age ? It depends on the country and for all these listeners out in other countries . Some of them drink at 16 , 15 years old .
If you're in a far off land , a different country like Wisconsin , they let you drink at pretty much any age if your parent says okay .
They do , and we've tried that before and it didn't go over so well with what we were trying to do .
Well , fair enough .
Do you ?
remember , do I remember the Clarks ? We were trying to get the Clarks to drink , remember ? Yeah , that's right , we couldn't quite get .
Julian on board , but whatever .
Well , we'll have to work on that next time . That was so many beers ago I mean years ago .
That was a lot of beers ago , right Plus years .
Beers plus years . But yeah , I don't know . I suppose I could say it's not a 21 plus listening viewing event .
No , we don't have restrictions on it , we're not discriminatory ?
No , no , we're not even 18 plus , I guess to a certain extent .
You know , I mean .
I could . No , we're going to keep that zipped up .
It's fine , you know we'll be all right .
Yeah , we're not going to get into that . That's going to be on our other page . That's a whole different . Only fans Andy's got an only fans it . There you go Should .
I get out some ones right now .
I like it . I like it as long as we're not going to get the twos going on , you're going to make it rain all over your chest . That doesn't sound good , no it sounds kind of you know . So today on the podcast , Back to the beer Pipeworks .
That doesn't sound good either does it .
We were not even a couple minutes minutes in and we've already just gone right off the rails here . So welcome into the two guys and beer podcast studio talking about brewing beer and the breweries that do that . That is it . Nothing else , just straight professionalism here in the wonderful studios of two guys in a beer podcast .
So glad you could join us for yet another episode . Uh , I don't even know what episode we're on , to be perfectly honest . Uh , 24 , 25 , it might be less than that , to be honest . You know , I think we're probably maybe 23 ish if this ?
if yeah , if this episode comes out in any specific order , which we don't really do necessarily , this one would be episode 23 . There we go , we're moving right along .
I was kind of close , you were , I was ballparking it . It's a nice ballpark it is , and if you get to the right section of said ballpark you can have what we featured on . One of our other episodes was Beer for Baseball .
Right , which isn't far from this one that we're going to feature on this episode .
Exactly that was from Off Color Brewing , which is about I think I looked it up a little bit ago about four and a half miles away from this one .
So if you're in the Chicago area or I guess , if you're not , and you're just going through there , or you just have a hankering for some good beer , pipeworks Brewing , pipeworks Brewing , pipeworks Brewing out of Chicago , illinois , is our deed today . That's what we're going to be drinking and talking about a little bit .
They are 3912 West McLean Avenue in Chicago . One unique thing I will say about this go ahead and stop by there . Go ahead and get yourself some Pipeworks Brewing , but first and foremost , they don't have a taproom man . There's not a lot of places that do that . But first and foremost , they don't have a tap room man .
There's not a lot of places that do that . But they just distribute . They do sell on site . Essentially , it's kind of like their own personal liquor store . You go in there , you can taste some of the beers they have the beers available for tasting and then you just buy like a four-pack similar to the one that we have today .
You know , and every beer that they sell is for off premise . They do not do an on-prem type of situation at all .
It's definitely a little different than what your typical craft brewery or small brewery is . I'm not quite sure how big this brewery is , but that's definitely a different way of going about it . For sure it's going there , maybe take a and then you got to buy what you want to buy and you're out of there .
And if you can get yourself built up enough , in a way you kind of save a little bit on the infrastructure . You don't have to have the tap room and the staff to be able to do that .
And you know not that glassware is super expensive , but you know glassware and washing and there's a lot of steps involved in doing that Different licensees , I'm sure , and you know , like your experience with owning a bar , you're required to serve food .
You know , I don't know what Chicago's regulations are , but maybe breweries are required to have some sort of food or something there . You know , you save all that overhead on all those sorts of things .
And if you're going to have something like this I mean I'm not making a comparison because obviously size is much different but you don't see like a Coors Light or Miller Light having a tap room .
I think maybe you might be able to taste some some of them in Milwaukee , I guess I'm not 100% sure but you don't see that like they're not a microbrewery kind of deal , you know , it's more of a . They're already well known and established . You can get it at any liquor store anywhere .
They don't feel the need to have just the Coors Light Ballroom or something like that right .
I wonder if Miller has a tap room . We took that tour out there at one time did and I remember at the end we got to sample at the end , but I think I don't think you can go there to drink . I think it's after the tour . You drank part of the tour you can hang out for a minute and drink a few different , few different of their offerings .
But I don't think you can go there to drink . I could be wrong . That was again many beers ago , many years ago .
Yeah , if we have to do it again , we'll put it on the road trip map . Don't twist my arm , exactly . So , yeah , so Pipeworks is what we're talking about today . Some of the other things that they do a little bit uniquely to a certain extent . They also they distribute , but they self distribute .
I mean they will to like other states , they will like go through like a distributor and do that , but otherwise generally they just have a group of people that they like All right , well , we got this keg and Manny's down the road needs a new keg of Ninja versus Unicorn or whatever it is that they have Put it in your van and bring it down there Interesting .
So they do that , you know , which is good , you know , if you have the ability to do that and the people to do that . But usually I'm sure that there's some sort of something involved .
But that's another thing about , like breweries , that typically if they want to sell , especially in the state of Minnesota , they have to go through a distributor , right , it's like a distributor Right , it's like a requirement . Yeah , and it's they .
They can sometimes like bring it there directly , but they still like invoicing still has to go through because the distributor has to get their cut of the body you know which sometimes actually ends up making . That's that's part of honestly , that's that's what I've heard in the past is why a lot of liquor stores don't carry kegs really anymore .
It used to be where you could go like , all right , well , we're going to have just a rager at the old farm and we're going to just post up a keg in the wash tub with a bunch of ice and $85 or $100 , and maybe another $20 for the tap handle or something like that , and we're just going to have a little kegger on our own a little bit .
And now you go there and it's like almost $200 to be able to do something like that . Well , what had happened was they were selling the keg to the liquor stores at minimal cost whatever .
It was $30 or something like that , based on what they got from the actual brewery and the liquor store was then selling it for like a hundred bucks or something to be able to make their money on it . Because it takes up some space . I don't know if you know this or not , but kegs are a little bit big . They're a little bit bulky to move around .
They're kind of a pain in the ass to deal with , so they were charging a little bit more for it . Well then , distributors like whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , whoa , you 50 bucks on this , we're going to make it , we're going to . So now they're selling it to them for $95 and then naturally they had to kind of adjust up beyond there .
Well now , even for bars , the cost of kegs has to be the same . They can't just change it for a liquor store . And so now a keg of Coors Light is $70 , $80 because that's just moved up across the board .
So instead of being able to get that's part of why beer prices have expanded , even for cheap beer , I guess the light beers that don't cost hardly much to make , the distributors are getting the money . Beer greed , man , beer greed . It's terrible . That's why you got to stay small . Stay local . Drink local . Was that up ? Yep , drink local , there we go .
And it makes you end Local , was that up ? Yep ? Drink Local , there we go .
Perfect , had to make sure I ended up right there .
Play some pipe with Pipeworks . So Pipeworks established Chicago in 2012 . 2012 is what it is , as I mentioned , four and a half miles away from Off Color Brewing . We did that one , that one . It was so much fun . I really like it .
We got to go check out both .
Of these really .
¶ Craft Beer Review
I feel like I have had Pipeworks once upon a time in my life the Ninja versus Unicorn . They always got fun names for all their beers .
They have a lot of interesting names , and it's quite the list too .
I don't know if you have it pulled up there or if you looked at it . But they have a long list of beer Trying to look through it a little bit , but I haven't seen all of them just yet but the ones that I mean . The Unicorn is what we're doing today , which is a single IPA .
The Ninja versus Unicorn is a double IPA and I'm always in for a diaper , maybe even a tripod , although that gets a little bit heavy , a little bit aggressive sometimes , but nonetheless , the Mini Unicorn is what we have IPA . You know the Mini Unicorn is what we have IPA standard , regular , normal size . Well , tall boy , but he was a tall boy .
You know the regular IPA . Today . That's what we're doing . But Pipeworks has mentioned 2012 , by friends that shared a dream of crafting quality and creative beers .
Well , they definitely have creative in there with a name like Mini Unicorn , that's for sure they say that they've garnered accolades for the distinctive beers and the original artworks , which , if you see the artworks , I encourage you to go online and look it up . Look at their instagram , facebook , their social media .
A lot of these , uh , the wraps that they have are quite fantastic and they are interesting .
I'll describe everybody here the Mini Unicorn . When I first brought up to Andrew and we were talking about this , if you look at the can those of you that are watching you can see the can , those of you that are listening it reminds me of a Trapper Keeper from the mid-'90s .
The hot pinks , the hot blues , fluorescent green , fluorescent blue , fluorescent yellow that's the color of the can , those 90s hot pink , fluorescent color cans . It's a silver can with the major colors blue , but the unicorns are all different colors fruit stripe gum , if you will . There y'all , yep , that's no , that's kind of what the can looks like .
So the artwork on the can is pretty cool and , to be honest with you , that's what drew me to this four pack when I bought it . When I was browsing the liquor store , I saw the can and I'm like , oh , wow , I'm going to take a look at that . So here we are , right here in the Two Guys and Beer studio , just because of the color .
Love it , absolutely love it . They do have on their website , if you go to their website I think we talked a little bit about that through the areas of Chicago , milwaukee and Chicagoland area , but otherwise they do have a whole list of different distributors that they go through .
They don't have a specific map as far as what bars have it , because when you go through the distributor it kind of makes it a little bit goofy there . But they do have a list there of the states that they go to and Minnesota . They go through Clear River Beverage , which is not one that I'm familiar with personally , but that's fine .
I don't own a bar anymore so I don't have to worry about things like that so much anymore . But they do distribute what appears to be between 15 and 20 states , so they do have a pretty good reach all the way out to Utah , alabama , colorado , so it's not just Indiana and Illinois . They do actually have a pretty good reach out beyond that .
So kind of an interesting , fun little deal . As you mentioned before , they do not have a tap room . They have the to-go shop called the Dojo . All beers are for off-premises Wednesday through Friday noon to 7 , saturday 11 to 5 .
Perfect . I wonder if that cuts down on your bar insurance , because you're not really insuring that whole aspect .
If you're not selling on sale . You don't have to have that type of . At least I wouldn't think . Maybe it's different in Indiana or Chicago . Just come , pick up your beer and get to have that type of . At least I wouldn't think .
I don't know , maybe it's different in Indiana or Chicago . But yeah , just come pick up your beer and get the hell out . Basically , yeah , then it's just like a liquor store essentially , you know you're just doing an off sale .
Yep , let's see here . They do self-distribution for new releases on Mondays they have an email if you have a bar , restaurant , store , something you're looking to be able to get into , they have just a sales at pipeworksbrewingcom . So it's not super complicated , just an easy way to get that in there and be able to bring it in there .
They do say that it might take a little bit , but they have a small but talented team . So passionate people doing beer . That's what we like to hear . That's the way it goes . They do not give tours as of yet , but they do try to get as much information out there . As I mentioned , they have the Facebook , they got the Instagram .
They do have a lot of places to be able to kind of see what they're doing there . They do not ship beer as well . Technically , I don't think you're really supposed to do that , even though people do , generally through the mail .
Yeah .
But you know that's . You know Neither here or there . Know that's , you know Neither here or there . Yeah , that's a whole different thing , but they do sometimes . Potentially you can email them if you have questions about potentially being involved in a fundraiser . So maybe they would donate some beer for a fundraiser .
I would like to have a fundraiser for my thirst .
That is a great fundraiser . That is fantastic .
It was a great fundraiser . That is fantastic . So , yeah , that's a lot of the info that they have out there on their site . At least Try to look at some of the other information they have online , but it's kind of a little bit of a different deal , so we should probably have some of this .
I've been talking for about 10 minutes here .
We haven't even gotten to the best part of the episode .
We should probably get into it and try it out . Absolutely , we should get a hold of them and see if they would want to be on the show . We say this every time , but this is a completely different type of thing Having not having a tap room and stuff just buy it and go .
So it'd be interesting to hear their story , why they chose to do that and how that all came about See kind of what the mindset is and what the thought process , absolutely . But in the meantime , shall we , we probably shall we should try some mini unicorn .
Thank you , sir . Oh , you bet it does have . It's almost like all the stickers that you would get on the old , like the books Scratch and sniff , yeah , like all sorts of things like that . I'm not going to try that just yet .
You don't want to scratch and sniff ?
Nope yeah it's an India pale ale , citra , simcoe Mosaic and Amarillo hops 5% , here we go , all right , here we are . Oh yeah , I love it Every time . Love it . Oh yeah , oh , I love it Every time . Love it . Yeah , it's a fun . Can you know ? Stuff all over the place . I mean , it looks like just like it's a very fun can .
Like you get that sticker book for your kids and they put it all over the dang place and whatever . Yeah , now I don't have kids , you know . But I've heard , I've heard tell , you know , my dogs don't put a whole lot of stickers all over , so all right .
First , uh , first steps here um , it's definitely fruity , yep it's citrusy .
I was gonna say it's real heavy on hops but it's like you get a fair amount , like I feel like I get a fair amount like right away , but then it kind of drifts off into like kind of the fruity tastes after that .
Yeah , you do get the bitterness right away , for sure it does get to the fruity tastes after that , yeah , you do get the bitterness right away , for sure it does get to the fruity taste , the citrusy , almost kind of like a grapefruit taste .
Maybe there at the end kind of smooths it out I guess in a way it's kind of dry , I think it's kind of a dry but light , light body type , and then the finish is maybe somewhat bitter , but more , more citrusy , I think , at the finish I think that , uh , the lawnmower scale , maybe one while doing it , maybe one afterwards , but I don't know that I'd have
like a six pack of them or anything throughout the coast of the afternoon . I mean it's very good . I don't want to say it's not good , it is very good . But just from the way that it tastes it , you know it , it's got some heaviness to it a little bit . It's got some hops to it . It's got some good flavor to it . Yeah , it definitely has some .
It does have good flavor . I don't know if I would drink a lot of this mowing lawn , but this is not my style for that type of drinking . But for a pale ale it's super light . You know , I think of a pale ale is typically more hoppy than this . One is more of a darker beer , more of a heavy beer .
This one's kind of like a light , crisp citrus pale ale essentially . So you could pound for if this is your style of beer .
Yep , you know , absolutely , absolutely yeah , yeah , and I guess that's kind of why I say I could probably do one or two instead of just one . You get like a dragon smell because I'm not even mowing on when I'm going to have one of those . That's just going to be that , that's going to be the end of it .
But , yeah , this is something you could definitely have a couple .
This is definitely different how it's got the hops to the citrus and the fruity . I think that's really cool about this beer . Actually Like the beginning , middle and end of your taste , it really changes from one , two and three . It's almost like yeah .
You can feel where it goes through because , like I said , mentally I was going to say , well , it's definitely an IPA , but by the time I swallowed it and was going to start talking , it's completely different . I was like , oh well , it's not quite , uh it's almost like that candy licor made .
You know , you have those white chalky candy sticks and you dip it in the powder . You eat it . Well , they had the different did you ever the flavor ? I just no , you just eat the stick . Yeah , the stick is better than a powder , but they had the , the flavor changing powder , powder if you remember .
You'd put it on your tongue it would taste great , but by the time you swallowed it it was cherry . This beer reminds me of that a lot . It starts with a bitter hoppiness , but not very bitter , kind of a light bitter , and then it gets sweet and grapefruity at the end . I can see that yeah absolutely .
Yeah , I like it , I , I like it . You know , it does have that transition , is a very interesting transition and I mean it gets into like how you brew it and what you're using , obviously . But it is kind of interesting to have that kind of different change within the same sip .
You know , sometimes it's the first , you know , third , of the bureau tastes a certain way , but then your mouth feel kind of changes a little bit . But this one is just right from sip one is like bam , but then settles in right away . So it's , yeah , it's very interesting , I like it . Pipeworks hats off to you .
Maybe I'll come to the dojo and you know , or go to a liquor store here , but it'd be fun to go down there , you know , like you know . Or go to a liquor store here , but it'd be fun to go down there , you know .
Like you said , try to connect with them , see if we can't kind of get their mindset on that Any road trips worth it in the spirit of the man .
If we're going to Chicago tomorrow to dojo it up at Pipeworks , then I guess we're going to Chicago tomorrow . You know , we got to do what we got to do . Really , we actually have to work tomorrow , but I don't know next weekend , the weekend after , but you're gone , yeah that's true , we can figure something out , I'm sure .
Yeah , we'll figure it out . Absolutely I'll skip baseball or something I don't know . Sorry guys can't be there . I've got to go .
I'm going to a brewery in Chicago .
It's like oh , what are you doing in Chicago ? Going to the brewery .
I just told you I'm going to the brewery , going to lay pipe . That doesn't sound too good either , but no . Well , mini unicorn , that's quite the interesting name . I'd sure like to know how I came up with that name . Unicorn beer I don't typically associate like a unicorn with beer or the colors of the can .
I wonder if they're trying to attract a younger audience with the colors . Maybe Could be the underage variety .
It's working for me because I'm quite young .
Well , it keeps you staring at the can . You are getting young , Andy . You are becoming young . I think you're regressing . You hit your peak Now . You're going back down .
Next year 38 , 37 . Right , that's just my height at this point .
that's all that's going south right now , shrinking down yeah , I would like to know why they come up with the unicorn name . That's half the fun of some of these micro breweries and small breweries , it's just the different names that they come up with .
It's pretty cool yeah , absolutely , and I'm sure that they probably have an . It's pretty cool . Yeah , absolutely , and I'm sure that they probably have an idea of you know where they're coming up with the ideas or why , or whatever , but that's something you know .
Like you said , we'll have to try to see if we can get them on the podcast , be able to talk about it a little bit and see you know what they have to say about it , where their inspiration comes from .
Yeah , it would be interesting .
¶ Unicorn Lore and Mythical Creatures
Well , I got a few things about unicorns . I actually had to do some research about this because I thought it would be interesting to find some facts or tales , or whatever you want to call them , about unicorns . There we go .
I like it .
I don't know anything about unicorns . I know I think I've seen them on TV . They're like a narwhal horse exactly a narwhal , which of course would be a whale but they got the horn .
You know , it's kind of the same , you know which actually a lot of things .
When I was reading about unicorns on the internet to present , share with all of you a lot of like the the old writings of them , people thought they would see a narwhal or a rhinoceros or something . They would equate that with unicorns and their descriptions of them .
I didn't bring any of those interesting tidbits with me , but that you brought up narwhal a lot of the old bc medieval type times , kings and queens . That's what they would equate with unicorns is those particular animals and norwal and rhinoceros and things like anything with one horn interesting and since we're talking about medieval , we'll continue on with that .
So one of the big myths and uh things about unicorns it's widely believed is the horns had magical powers . Not necessarily that they're magical powers , but they would cure things like disease and poison and this and that . So if you were full of disease , andy , I'd stick you with my horn and you would be cured , and you would be cured .
Well , I'm glad that . I'm glad that I'm healthy , I'm glad .
I'm doing okay . Well , we're laying pipe in Chicago . I'm sticking Andy with my horn . He is becoming disease free . I think it's the other way around . I think you get disease .
I was going to say .
I don't think that that's usually how that works . So but for unicorn purposes back in medieval times and even the unicorn lore , if you stuck somebody with a unicorn horn it would cure disease , rid your body of poisons , and things like that .
So King James back in those times I don't know which one , 1 , 2 , or 3 , 10 , 20 , I don't know One of the King Jameses once poisoned one of his servants just to see if the horn that he was given was an authentic unicorn horn .
I'm guessing it wasn't .
It was not . Oh man . The servant died , and then King James found out his horn was not an authentic it's a good thing he found out before he , you know , did something serious unicorn horn .
Yeah , like taking somebody's life I wonder what the first clue was . Was it made out of wood ?
who knows ? It was probably a norwalk horse , oh there it could have been yep so that's , that was kind of interesting . Like , oh okay , we're just gonna poison people and stick them with horns and see if they survive .
You know , people have done a lot of weird things for a lot of weird reasons over the course of uh of over the course of time yes , they sure have , especially back then , a Pegasi .
That's a unicorn with wings . You know the horses that supposedly fly around , there we go . Hey , that movie , the NeverEnding Story . Was there a unicorn in that , that white ? Horse I think that there was .
That white horse , the one way to bring up trauma there , the white horse that gets you know like sucked in the mud , yeah , was not a unicorn .
Okay , nope . And horse that gets you know like sucked in the mud Was not a unicorn ? Okay , nope . And who was the damn dragon that flew around Falcor , falcor ?
The luck dragon , right right , falcor the luck dragon , which I have some sunglasses that are . It's called the . They're Gooders , so Gooders if you've ever had Gooders they're kind of nice sunglasses and they're like 30 bucks a piece and so you know they're fine , but they all have like interesting , crazy names to it or whatever .
So it's a pair of blue sunglasses that are Falcor's fever dreams , and so I got those and everybody I'm like , oh , look at it , cool name . And they're like the hell's Falcor , what I'm like . How do you not know the luck ?
dragon .
What , what .
He was a friendly fella .
I have to explain it to them , like , oh , I didn't realize he had a name . You've got to be kidding me right now . Come on , of course he had a name . Yeah , his name is Falcor .
Right , oh , so there's no Pegasi in that movie . I thought there was a unicorn in that movie . I remember the white horse getting stuck in the mud , but apparently it wasn't a unicorn .
I don't think it was a unicorn . It didn't even have wings , did it ? I could try to research , no , I haven't watched that one . It definitely did not have wings , all right , but I don't think that it was a unicorn . I think it was just his trusty steed .
Sure , it wasn't so trusty in the mud , nope . So we know what a Pegasus is A horse , but it's not a unicorn so no horn , pegasus , just wings . I think they're on a lot of things . Pegasus , yep , a baby unicorn , it's called sparkle is that kind of like a mini unicorn ?
am I drinking a sparkle ? Is that what's happening right now ? Is that what you're trying to tell me ?
you could be drinking a sparkle . A mini unicorn could be considered a baby . Fair enough . I mean it could be you never know it's kind of confusing .
Either that or we're just judging Because they have mini horses . I know that those are real and exist . They do have mini horses . They do . I think we both know some people that deal with those At least I do , maybe you do , I don't know .
Know , we'll figure that out later , I don't know . Carry on . So we're drinking the sparkle here . Well , a group of unicorns is called a blessing . Obviously it is right . You mean , you just see those prancing around all over the place . You know they're park in montana , that I can't think of the name right now .
Blessing Montana Right .
Blessings of them all over the place , blessings of unicorns so like a group or a gathering of baby unicorns .
Would that be a sparkle blessing or a blessing sparkle ?
I like blessing , sparkle , blessing of sparkles .
Can you bless a sparkle ? Well , if you have , enough of them .
I don't like sparkles a whole lot . Sparkles remind me of glitter , and glitter gets all over everything .
That's true . It just gets on your face . It's like that song from Pink . Have you ever thrown a fistful of glitter in the air ? No , because I have to clean that up later . It's a terrible idea .
It's so bad , what else ? So , according to a legend , a unicorn holds power of defiant truth and will pierce a liar's heart with its horn . So it's another power of this unicorn horn .
I feel like that's another thing that probably was tested in medieval times , but it was probably kind of like witch trials , you know , like stab him in the heart and he dies . He's like well .
I guess . But it was probably kind of like witch trials , you know , like stab him in the heart and he dies . He's like , well , I guess he was telling the truth and see what happens . I'm thinking we need a few of these , uh , divine unicorns in washington dc . We would nail them liars , real fucking quick .
They'd probably melt before they got there right , there would be nothing left . Yeah , then I can take over and rule with an iron fist .
There you go go there , you go , I like it . So let me ask you something what is more realistic here ? Because there's real animals and fake animals . You talk about different animals , like even a rhinoceros . It really seems like that should actually be just a dinosaur that shouldn't even really be around , to be honest . But you look at a giraffe .
That's a real thing . That's a goofy looking thing . They're big and tall , but yet a unicorn doesn't actually exist . Like what's more believable and I'm kind of stealing from the internet a little bit here so like whatever Reddit or Facebook post or whatever's out there or whatever . But what's more believable ? A horse with a horn ?
Or a leopard , moose , camel with a 40 foot neck ? I mean , come on , let's be , we're getting to the hard truths here tonight , folks . That's like it . Just that's a super hard . If you were to try to describe a giraffe to somebody that hadn't seen one , would they think that that's like a believable thing ? So here's this gigantic thing . It's a 40 foot neck .
It looks kind of like a leopard slower now . Actually , I think they're kind of fast . They are pretty fast but that's because they got legs that are like 35 feet long .
They have a really good kick too , yeah , so but it just doesn't seem .
You know they can't they to drink water . They gotta like work their way down because they can't really bend the neck .
No , that is true . Yeah , I've seen that before on like a nature show or something , at some point in time when I watched one . Yeah , that they do . They put their feet out pretty far wide and get down , yeah but yeah , unicorns not a thing .
Well , they're not . I don't know , maybe we're just thing . Well , I don't know , maybe we're just being told that lie , I don't know , maybe they are being held in some government warehouse or something .
Well , I got a little tidbit for you . They're in the Australian outback . We'll talk a little bit about hunting unicorns . Oh , I got some good information on that . The plot thing you can get licensed to hunt unicorns and everything . I almost thought about trying that today , but I just ran out of time . You're going to get licensed for it .
I was going to get licensed . We'll talk about that in a little bit . But did you know Asian acorns ? They gallop so smoothly maybe like this giraffe you're talking about that they don't even crush a blade of grass . That's the Asian ones . That's the Asian unicorns .
That's why you can't track their hoof prints .
You cannot .
Yeah , because they don't leave prints .
They do not . You don't know . If they have hooves , they'd be great , that's true .
Yeah , they may have paddles or something , no idea .
Yeah , you don't even know , it's all lore . Yeah , paddles or something , it's all lore . The national animal of Scotland , great country of Scotland , great Scott , a unicorn , that is their national animal .
It's got to be somebody's . It's got to be somebody's .
Oh , alright , so here we go . I've got to get my notes here , my bullet points , so I don't forget stuff . But hunting unicorns you ever thought about even hunting a unicorn ?
Mm-mm , I have not . Nope , that has not crossed my mind .
It never came about , nope .
Nope , it has not been .
As you drink in a sparkle . Yeah , I mean somebody else did that , so it's fine well , to be honest , I guess I never thought about uh hunting a unicorn either , but I bet you have no idea where to begin is that where ?
why is mini unicorn ? Because they popped the horn off and just poured it out . That's why there's so many horses . They just that's . They're taking the horns off when they're young . So they they stripped them of their being and they had to squeeze it out like an orange into this , ferment it for a little while , and now we have Mediunicorn Sparkle IPA .
That is a good theory . We've talked about this before that when you get a good , solid beer or two in , that's when the best ideas start flowing for us the myths and the legends and the lore just come up .
Well , where would you look for a unicorn if you're in an enchanted forest ?
There aren't a lot of those around here . No , no , minnesota doesn't have a lot of those yeah , they have a lot of forests .
I don't know if they're enchanted .
Yeah , I don't know if they're enchanted . Yeah , I don't know where you would find that . I feel like it'd be in the hills of Austria or something .
It might be prettier over there there's a mountain backdrop Right Could be .
Yeah , I don't know . I feel like it'd be somewhere there . I don't feel like it'd be in the Midwest . Well , go to the Cenex in Ames , Iowa Looking .
Well , Go to the Cenex in Ames .
Iowa Looking for an enchanted forest . You got one .
I'm willing to drive a little bit .
Looking to hunt some unicorns . Maybe a mini unicorn or two Before I take off , though . Have you seen Sasquatch .
lately , which actually is funny , you bring that up Going Squatchy Because another beer that I have in my fridge for another podcast has got a Sasquatch on it .
Oh , here we go .
And that's got out of Washington , the state of Washington . So that'll be on a future episode at some point .
There we go , part of the national tour . Right , I picked it up .
When I saw the unicorn , I thought what goes better with a unicorn than a Sasquatch . Right For lore , love it , lore love it . Mythology , whatever you want to call it . Well , if you're not looking in an enchanted forest or somewhere on earth that you have to be looking . Well , what do you need when you hunt ? You have to have a license .
Yeah , it's true , because the government wants their money .
You don't want to otherwise they're poaching yeah , you don't want to do that with unicorns . They're majestic , I don't even know what unicorn season is .
I feel like it's in the fall it's pretty much all year oh yeah , yeah fair
¶ Quest for Unicorns
.
I suppose you can find one right , and that's part of the problem , but you can only bag one unicorn a month , according to the rules of hunting unicorns sounds legit and it has to be a male .
You can't bag females , because females have yet to be found apparently I you can't bag females because females have yet to be found . I can't generally bag females anyway , so that's the math that's up there .
Well , I don't think your wife would like that . I don't fuck with a lot , but I'll poke you with my horn if you need an adventure .
I don't think that that's the line that you should go with .
I'm here for you . I'm here as a buddy , pipeworks , mini unicorn .
Great bear .
So you need a license to hunt stuff because you know the government likes to steal our money . Take our taxes , taxes eight times . Take more money . Well , lake Superior State University in Salt St Marie in Michigan I was going to say I feel like that's in Duluth Well Lake Superior is over there . That that's true , it's a big lake .
I was kind of half right . But they will issue you a quest permit to go hunt unicorns . They don't call them hunting unicorns anymore because we don't want to call it that , so now it's called questing a quest for you . So you go on a quest . Who doesn't want to go on ?
A grand quest , but they'll grant you a unicorn quest permit , and thus your adventure begins I'm going on an adventure , so this is instructor at this college that came up with this . His name was is bill rabe .
He had a couple other english professors with him there that founded this whole ordeal the department of natural unicorns , of the unicorn hunters , now called the unicorn questers . This was actually founded in a college lake superior state university in salt saint marie . Around the early 1970s is when this whole thing kicked off .
So I'm all for , especially from like . I feel like educational locations , colleges , universities , things of that , like throwing a little bit of extra money at certain things , Cause you can create like a little division of whatever to like we're going to look at something that people haven't researched ever and now we have come up with .
You're probably throwing away a lot of the money , but at the same time you come up with like oh , we have now cured polio or something . I don't know if that was a thing for there , but you know what I'm saying . Like you , you research development and you know things like that .
Instead of doing like big business , you do it educational , wise , like maybe it's a little cheaper or something , I don't know , but I like the idea of that . But when you start drifting off , into mythological animals At a university . That's when you start .
I mean , even from that standpoint , I guess to a certain extent you can get like a degree in Roman or not Roman mythology , greek mythologyreek mythology . Sure you know what I mean . It's mythol mythology , mythology , mythology . So it's mythological , not real , right , greek gods . So in theory , I guess you know it's kind of the same kind of bit .
So well , I guess , if you're interested in that stuff , if you want to spend 20 grand a year learning it , I mean , that's really .
That's really what it is . You know the fine arts degrees , you know a lot of them don't tend to go a lot , a lot of places right , except for if you get to be really good at it , then you end up being a professor and you make a lot of money , you sure do .
That's really the true trick that people have been able to pull off it sure is probably just like well , this unicorn organization that they founded .
the organization does make it clear that they don't condone violence or killing of the unicorns because they are mythical beasts , so they don't condone it . But they founded an organization to do that quest .
I don't know to do that quest , I don't know kind of a . So they , do they have conservation efforts or a repopulation ? Do they have ways to preserve ?
not that I'm aware of nothing I could read on their website . If you go to the this college's website , you can find all the information on it there . There's rules , there's words . You can say . Words's words you can say . Words you can't say .
Words you can't say Yep , I mean , I'm always in for words . You can't say they're banned .
the unicorn hunting words they change every year .
I didn't have any of them here Wait . You can't say them while you're hunting , or you can't say them generally and get a license . While you're questing , while you're questing .
Oh , questing , that's right , we're not hunting unicorns , we're questing unicorns . They do advise that all the questers bring a pair of pinking shears and a flask of cognac . You might need a few flasks of cognac if you're going to go around , that's true I'm not really sure what pinking shears are , but uh , cognac I'm familiar with .
I know that surprises you really this .
Just two guys , a beer podcast have learned well , like I said earlier , they've been been giving permits since the early 70s . But the license , though , when you get a license to go quest for unicorns , they don't actually allow you the use of any weapons , except for rubber-tipped arrows during October's annual Bow and Arrow Week . So no weapons , no violence .
I don't know how you're supposed to bag these , your one male unicorn , a but you wrestle them down , you stab them with their own horn .
Which would that ?
even work , because that would heal them . How would you like turn their ? You'd snap their neck . When you do that , can they bring themselves back to life well , if you stab them with a horn , that's restorative but if they're dead , does their horn have power ?
that's a great point . We're going to have to research this .
I wonder if the Unicorn Society of America what's real interesting is , originally the licenses had to be physically mailed to the applicants , which is interesting enough . The guy , the bill , the guy that founded this with those English professors he used his kids during summer vacation to stuff them send out these licenses .
Dad , what are ? We doing Making money son Making money . Fooling silly Americans .
So one of his sons , I think , if I remember correctly his son's name was James he said every time his dad was in any sort of media the newspaper , a local television , local radio or something they would get hundreds of requests a week to get these unicorn licenses sent out .
So those kids that were spending summer break in school stuffing envelopes full of unicorn licenses .
So it's bad enough that now you're like spending your summer break stuffing envelopes . You're like spending your summer break stuffing envelopes , but can you imagine being the kid of the guy that's like this is what his thing is like ? You now have to get on the bus like , trust me , I've ridden a bus in my day .
I'm guessing you've ridden a bus or two in your day as a wee lad . And the brutal , the brutality that can happen from some of the kids that and I know that you know we can get into the whole like bullying and all of the stuff . Now you know that .
You know like when we were younger , you know it was just oh , they're just teasing you and whatever I get it , I don't need all the hate mail . I understand , I totally understand . It was called some pretty brutal things . We'll talk about that on another podcast . But if your dad is the unicorn guy , what'd you do this summer ?
I stuffed unicorn license letters and nailed them around the world .
Do you just ? Did you now overcorrect so far that the bullies just don't have to like just go sit over there ? They don't even know what to do . Give me your lunch , or something I don't even know to do . Give me your lunch , or something I don't even know . Like it's , I feel like you would just have nowhere to go with it .
Yeah , that's . That's crazy . That would be an interesting childhood growing up . But luckily they don't have to mail them to you in the mail anymore . You can just simply go to the website and print off the PDF Convenient .
How convenient . Print off the PDF file Convenient . How convenient . I don't want to have to try to wait seven to ten days for the postal service to bring me . If I got one trotting along my street out here , right , I mean Boom .
Download the PDF . Fill out your information . You're good to go Nearby .
here there is a rainbow street .
Oh , it matches the can .
Maybe this can be used as bait . This might be , you know when you start talking about mythological areas and enchanted forests . Maybe I was wrong to think that the Midwest didn't have that . Maybe , Maybe we just didn't see it with our own mortal eyes . That's what's happening here , this unicorn , dust or the sprinkles have opened my mind's eye .
And the blessings . There could be a blessing on Rainbow Street Exactly . We might need a couple four-packs for the blessing . Throw it out there . So when you fill out your form , your PDF form you can download at your convenience on your PC .
Which is super convenient really .
Your smartphone . You sign your name on it . You email a copy of that with your photo of yourself holding the license to marketing at issuedu .
So a picture of yourself holding a license like proof of life ?
Well , they like to use your photo on their social media .
I'm sure that you do I feel like this is you're just setting yourself up for ransomware . That's what's happening right now . That's it like five years from now .
So so you can do this and you'll be posted on their social media for you .
Unicorn hunting don't tell my boss I might be doing this tomorrow at work and when you email on that , that basically is just giving you , like your release , permission to be posted on their social , their social media , essentially do you get like some sort of certificate because I might just do this and then like hang it on the outside of my office ?
There is a certificate .
There we go , it's all coming together .
In fact , Google up there on the computer , Lake Superior State University , and you will find the permit that you can fill out . It's actually pretty enchanting if you look at it , enchanting it is . Maybe we ought to get our own permits so we can hold it up on the next episode and be like we're certified unicorn hunters .
Who else in the state of Minnesota is a certified unicorn hunter ?
What other podcast , ladies and gentlemen , will tell you how to be able to get yourself a permit to quest a unicorn ?
Right .
You haven't pulled it up yet . I got the unicorn questing regulations .
Is it not enchanted ? Right there , it's the .
Department of Natural Unicorns , of the Unicorn Hunters at Lake Superior State University .
They enforce the following edicts yeah , there's lots of rules there .
Questing kit bag limits questing hours , day or night , except when the Tooth Fairy or Santa Claus are around . There might be only so much magic available at one time Right ?
yeah , you can't hunt during those times . Questing runs all season , except for those exceptions .
Questing season all days of the year except for Valentine's Day . Questing season all days of the year except for Valentine's Day . No unicorn can be pursued during the 24 consecutive hours of love .
Right .
I mean , it all makes sense .
It sure does . I mean , once you have your completed application , you're free to chase unicorns , as long as you abide by all the rules . Mm-hmm , there's quite a few rules there .
It is pretty liberal , though it does allow you to quest in imagination . You sure can . That is part of the license . It is available within that , so it is kind of all-encompassing really If you want to have a questing kit which is good . Yeah , read what's in the kit , because preparation , my friends , is the key to success in really anything .
Unicorn hunting . Unicorn hunting 101 .
This is the suggested kit . You can add and subtract to your liking , customize it for your own ability , but this is what the Department of Natural Unicorns suggests for your questing kit . Here we go . They don't recommend you actually quest because they don't want to kill the unicorns . Suggests for your questing kit . Here we go .
They don't recommend you actually quest because they don't want to kill the unicorns . But if you were going to do so , you want to bring the following supplies Serious intent .
I'm all about that General levity , I can do that too . Check Really no really I can't . I've got quite too . Check Really no really I can't . I've got quite the vertical leap .
There we go .
I can levitate for a good 3.2 seconds Sweet talk . I don't have that .
We might need to find some friends Refreshing beverages , A flask of cognac for adults , juice box for the children or a bottle of medieval potion for unicorns .
Well , how about mini unicorn pale ale ? That seems like a refreshment .
¶ Unicorn Questing and Banished Words
Okay . So then you need a curry comb , pinking shears , nail clipper with file , hoof and horn trimmer hoof and horn polish ribbons . It sounds like we're giving this unicorn a mani-pedi . It feels like that's where we're going . Well , we're not hunting , we're questing it , you're questing it .
You grew up on a farm . What if it's just like clipping a horse's hoof or a cow's ? They shave them down and pull the rocks out . That's true , you know . We throw them on a you know a little tip up . It puts iodine on there . Yeah , put a little tip up thing and salicylic acid and wrap the hoof up , get a grinder and . Right , yeah , horn goes flying .
There we go , get some of your teeth .
Exactly , yeah , you could also bring authorian legend books and or works by Chaucer .
I don't know who that is , but I believe Jeffrey Chaucer is .
I'll double check here . Jeffrey Chaucer spelled . That's not the right one , I clicked on the wrong one . Chaucer is a Jeffrey Chaucer with a G , one of those G-E-O-F-F . He was a poet that died in 1400 . Oh , perfect . And he was also the what do you call it ? The talking guy in A Knight's Tale . You know the movie A Knight's Tale .
With Heath Ledger .
Yeah , with Heath Ledger . He was the guy that they found on the side of the road that was walking naked . That was a poet that could make them Got it . Got Ledger . He was the guy that they found on the side of the road that was walking naked . That was a poet that could make them he called himself Jeffrey Chaucer . So he was Jeffrey Chaucer in that one .
We got works and legend books . Exactly we're getting right there . And then optional , they say you can bring iambic pentameter .
Where do I get one of those ? Is that next to the flux capacitor down at the tool rental shop ?
For those that don't know , and I don't know exactly what it means , I just I've heard the phrase before because of the West Wing . They talked about it on there at one point in time . But it is a type of metric line used in English poetry and verse drama . The term describes the rhythm meter , established words in each line and the way that it's .
It's a free way phrases are built . It's so . It's a structure of a poem , perfect .
So my least knowledgeable structure of a poem , perfect , so my least knowledgeable subject of all life , because I hated English so I had no clue of any of that . So I can't go buy that down at the tool rental shop then .
As lines in iambic pentameter usually contain ten syllables , it is considered a form of deca-syllabic verse . Perfect , easy for you to say Yep , yeah , so , yeah , that's you know . I mean , what they were describing in the show that I was watching in the West Wing , you know , was definitely like it was hard to track what she was saying .
So I was like what in the world , why is she talking like that ? So like I kind of get you know the bit that it did , that it's a thing . But uh , yeah , no , it's uh definitely kind of beyond me .
I could read a poem here if you really would like me to , but uh , it's uh well , all the English majors at Westlake Superior College there should know all about that stuff . Yep , they probably got some iambic pentameter workshops for that .
I bet they do .
Some benefits , though , that I'm reading here . Anyone and everyone prepared to join the quest will be issued a unicorn license , as long as potential members follow these rules .
Right .
Follow the above , which , I'm assuming , is all of these other things here , the questing kit and whatnot .
Pay no dues , but it's free , so you don't have to pay . If you want to be a unicorn quester you do not have to pay . Exactly . Well , actually , if you don't email them , you can send it to them and you will have to pay for postage , no purchase necessary sort of . No COD . For you , young people , that means cash on delivery , it's true .
Attend no meetings oh perfect .
I'm very good at that .
I'm so good at that Are nice to people and unicorns alike . So nobody that has gone into a retail establishment in the last 20 years is allowed to be a part of this . Then dwindling unicorn herds .
We changed the word from to hunt to quest on the license , while retaining the original title of the organization , because we thought that was fair oh , perfect , but isn't a group of them called a blessing that we learned it is ?
they need to update their page . That's true . I have verified these facts on the interweb .
Everything you read is fact on the interweb I mean , you wouldn't put it on there if it wasn't exactly a thing yeah , this is uh . Yeah , you can uh hunting regulations , a hunting license . There's a whole section on the hunting history . It's super in-depth .
I'm telling you . This isn't just you're running the mill , print off a license and you have a unicorn license like . The license itself is super enchanted , it's colorful , there's a bunch of stuff on there . It really is .
This is a whole thing . It's great stuff . Oh my God , you can also on this page . I don't know if you scrolled all the way to the bottom but you can also get a permit for a snowman burning Snowman .
I read a little bit about that and it's like paper snowmen that they light up on fire in the middle of winter . So , it's not a real snowman that's burning , but whatever .
Oh , I like this . We talked about the banished words thing before . This is just the banished words for 2024 for misuse , overuse or uselessness . There's a lot of uselessness . We have tumbled off the rails here .
I think we tumbled off the rails at the beginning of this episode because we picked out a beer that's mini unicorn .
That's probably true . We're way off the rails . So the words that are on this list ironically , for the most part I kind of agree with Hack , because everything's a hack now , everything's a hack Impact . I could go either way on that one . At the end of the day , it's an easy enough catchphrase .
Yeah , but it's getting kind of sickening so , yeah , I can go with that one .
Riz .
That needs to go like five years ago , slay .
Yeah , iconic .
Yeah . I haven't really heard that one used anywhere Cringeworthy .
That can go .
Everything's so cringe .
Obsessed Side hustle and wait for it . Those are your top 10 2024 banished words list from Lake Superior State University For unicorn questing . Perfect . Yeah , there's a whole explanation in all of these things .
While perfectly acceptable in specific contexts , slay has transcended its original meaning and infiltrated situations where its usage no longer aligns with its intended significance .
Its transition from a specialized term denoting exceptional accomplishment to a commonplace expression for any achievement prompts scrutiny into its misapplication , particularly because that's the word that I'm going to get tripped up on . Have another unicorn In the characterization or routine of mundane actions ?
Now it's sprinkled everywhere , from wearing a stylish outfit to tackling the art of parallel parking . Okay , that is their explanation on why slay . I don't think this is even connected to unicorns . I think this is just generally what Lake Superior University has decided . These words gotta go .
Well , if anybody goes to that college , please reach us out at twoguysandbeergmailcom and let us know what that's all about .
¶ Snowman Burning and Unicorn Beer
Interested about the snowman burning too . Oh , apparently they hold their annual snowman burning in March by banishing old man winter , that's what they do . They build a giant snowman and they literally burn that guy down .
That's a real thing , though that's yeah , that's what they do , yeah , huh .
From introduction to conclusion , the entire ceremony lasts approximately 15 minutes .
That is the right type of thing for me folks , and this is what you're spending your money for in college up there at lake superior state university this is unicorn questing and snowman burning .
I support that I I'm with you on that one .
I'll support that before you go up there , stop by in chicago . Pick up some uh , unicorn , mini unicorn , pale ale from Pipeworks Brewery .
Absolutely when they lay pipe . Very well too . Mini unicorn , india pale ale , the episode today , and yeah , very good stuff though Very tasty and , like we said , like gets it , and then it just kind of smooths out right away .
It is very good beer . Yeah , it's got different flavors at different times when you drink it . I do recommend it . It's good . I would drink it again . We've made a lot of fun , a lot of jokes about unicorns and the flavor and stuff .
But Piper's Brewing in Chicago if any of their other beers are like this they definitely know what they're doing , doing something a little different , a real good beer , and I hope to . When we reach out to them , I hope to hear back from them at some point in time . Absolutely , we can talk to them .
Yeah , mini Unicorn Pale Ale Cheers , cheers , cheers , cheers , cheers , cheers .