Two Ts Presents: Popping Off: "Tit For Tat" (The Valley Ep 2)

Hi, guys, this is Teddy Mellencamp and I'm joined by my friend Emily Simpson for our new spin off show Popping Off, where we are digging deep on this season of Banner Pump Rules. Hi guys, welcome to another episode of Popping Off with Teddy and Emily. Oh, we just left off our last names. That's how popular we are. Yeah, we're like Madonna's share an adel study and Emily, we can't because you're booked up for last names.

That's right, I don't have time for that. Episode Two, we are loving the Valley. We are happy with the valley.

It is.

I enjoy the valley.

I don't think I want to be friends with one person on the valley, but I do enjoy watching it.

I don't either.

There isn't anyone that I would be like, Hey, I want to hang out in that group. I want nothing to do with that group. But I will watch from a safe distance and comment. But how was this episode not titled just the Nip? Like they really? That's a missed opportunity there.

Yeah, you should send an email. Listen. You know I've got a name with Bravo, so I'm.

Sure you they love me some contacts there, I do the someone's inspired me.

Yeah it's Teddy. I don't know if you remember me. I'm the one that you have to do one thing a Bravo con every year.

Yes, well, it starts with Jackson Kristen meeting up for lunch where he decided to take the vegetarian to a steakhouse.

I you know, they have salad, they do have salt.

They also, I'm sure they have like some Brussels sprouts who could get without you could get a baked potato.

Yeah, it's not even a steakhouse. It's a smokehouse. So that means they're just like there's all kinds of animals that they're smoking. Yeah, it's not just they're not.

Limiting it to a steak But also, if you're going to a steakhouse, why are you just ordering a burger? Like, go for it, like if you really want to try it.

He's right, he's all about the smokehouse, but he just yeah, I mean they could have gone to in and out.

Yeah, except they're so solid it in and out. So but she could have done a grilled cheese. That is true.

We also don't know if she doesn't eat cheese. We don't know if she's completely vegan.

That is a good question.

You know, the things we could ask her if she was still in vand of pump rules and eating the sandwiches for the third time, want something about her, we would know if she could eat the capraze sandwich or not.

Well.

Jack's kind of apologizes for the way he treated Kristin at the birthday party. However, he still thinks having a.

Baby with Luke will be another Kristen Duty disaster. Here's where I think it could possibly be a disaster, only because I actually like Luke. He seems like Luke Colorado. He seems like a stand up guy, and he seems like he would be a good husband and a good provider and a good dad. But it's the whole location thing, because I don't think he plans to live in LA. He's not an LA kind of guy. The thing that I want to uncover why is she always wearing a

To know? I didn't even notice the risk brace.

If the risk race is either on or when she's like getting out of a car, she's about to be putting it on, Like I'm like, what's about to be happening here? Like you can't eat your house salad without the risk brace.

But then it's sometimes on. I just need to know, Kristen, what happened to your wrist? Do we need do we need further intervention on the wrist? Oh gosh, this scene Michelle and Jesse teaching their daughter to ride a bike one I used to go to that park when I lived in that area. Because they don't live in the valley. They live in West Hollywood, the Valley.

They live in a bougie place, which I didn't realize that you couldn't be bougie if you're from Boston. As Britney said, I was like, I actually think people from Boston are bougie. Well, it's East Coast, and I don't know, there's a lot of wealthy people on the East Coast and in Boston.

I actually would think you could be bougier being from Boston than being from the valley.

Just saying, I mean, it would have made sense if it was like because he's from I was waiting for her to say because he's from India, where I'm from, Like I get Ohio. Yes, it could be like Boston. He's from Boston, went to Harvard. I have no idea why he's bougie, none at all. But here's the issue.

Do I think that this is a completely normal thing to happen with your daughter while filming on a reality show.

You're trying to teach them how to ride a bike they want. Both parents are trying to do the most, but by doing the least and not force their kid to do something, but then also make it seem like their good parents, which they may or may not be.

I'm sure they are, But the amount of how much this couple hates each other, it's palpable. It is, yes, Jesse saying he thinks just screaming.

At the child do ed shut up.

Is the answer. And I don't know. I'm unsure at this point if we've heard Michelle speak.

I don't know, But I like how he's so he's such a douchebag, Like he doesn't even he's like such a douchebag. He's not even aware that he's a douchebag. Like he's bragging about his parenting, and I'm like, like she, oh, she just does the same, where she's like trying to be patient, and she just is patient.

And then I've talked.

Him at a patience level and how good it is and how disgusted it repulses me that she has patient and love and empathy and.

I just walk in and I'm like, shut up, and I just walking.

I'm like, listen, you little or you better get on that bike that she peddles away.

Yeah, look at my good parenting skills. Did you see how that works? But I can't tell you this.

If I sent Edwin a YouTube tutorial on how to have one of our kids how to learn how to ride a bike, I'm not sure he would have watched it either.

I mean being honest. I taught the kids how to.

Ride bikes, Okay, Shane Todd all the kids how to ride bikes.

But if I sent him a YouTube tutorial.

On how to teach kids how to ride a bike, I would never hear the end of it. Never, Like he would send me like a tutorial on like how to put makeup on or something as like a retaliation like how about this, here's how to brush your teeth properly?

Here how to cook? Like I was like, not great, but that that or as well Isabelle. I think is her name could be wrong, but she has on Instagram and I went on it.

She did not want to have anything to do with that bike riding. She didn't want to sit on the seat. I don't even think she wanted to hear one little peep out of Jesse. And Michelle was like, how many more episodes till we can announce that were actually already separated or nomorus. She's like, how much longer than I have to pretend that I like want to be married to this man?

She was it actually me?

Or was I on one of Shorts's benders when I made the decisions?

I feel like.

There was a bender going on when she said yes, Well, then we see Kristin and Luke awkwardly jogging together, so awkward. She's like, she's like balancy and then like there's no I mean, I think he's a good guy.

I think she's but there's absolutely zero sexual chemistry. She's like, should not take a piss right here?

He's like, let's go to me.

He's like, I don't know if we should do it right there, but maybe behind that bush? Try not to get what is that that people get those rashes from plants, ivy poison, ivy puss doesn't go well with the herpes of our whole group.

You're trying to keep trying to keep having clean.

But then Kristen talks about the geriatric pregnancy and her main concern at this point is actually getting pregnant in the first place.

Then we see Liul getting pissed. Oh he's mad, he's pissed about the nipple grabbing.

Yeah, well, I feel like Shane would be pissed about nipple grabbing too.

What do you think?

I mean, I'm trying to think of a scenario in my life for a straight man would grab my nipple, and.

I don't think I know of a lot of party and kind of people like maybe I could. I'm even trying to think like the most Matt mad Matt and George could ever be at me. I just don't see them read one. But I wouldn't have grabbed their nipples either, to be clear, Okay, but Matt and George are gay, right.

That's my point.

I'm trying to suspend my leave to even just like male genders grabbing my nipple.

I mean, a straight man who's at a party with his wife and child grabs her boots. But also it was a daytime party and just not for nothing. I wouldn't grab your nipple either. Well now I'm disappointed, but okay.

Nothing about your nipple interestings. But you know, I'm just not really interested in grabbing anyone's nipple. But Luke is really pissed about it. But have you ever seen that uh that episode of Friends where Phoebe can't run?

No, but I can envision it. I think Kristin running. Yeah, I think this was the scene. That was the scene it was based off.

Then we get into Nia, Kristen and Michelle taking jiu jitsu again.

Nia is like, why am I on this show?

Yeah?

Where am I? What is going on?

And jiu jitsu is actually Nia's thing? But they don't even the one thing they could show Nia doing. They don't even show Nia doing it. They just show Michelle like and then like Kristen like taking a break and because she was, she's worn out from the jog, the jog and the p and the nipple.

It's a lot out.

Nia does her story about competing in this universe that Donald Trump was there with its creepy friends watching the girls rehearse. Nia used her black belt skills on one of them when he tried to touch her.

See this is when we could have seen her black belt skills instead of pictures of her as a pageant queen.

But they wanted to just make sure that we got that the first time. But we did, we got it. But yeah, this I worry. I worry a little bit.

For you, Nia, I worry.

Yeah, she does. She it's like it's like her first day on the planet.

Every time she's felt, she's like even when later when they're at the girls' night, they talked to the girls night and.

She does the move which I remember from filming Housewives. I really hated when people would do it when.

They go, well, this is a fun girls night.

Yeah, listen, worn, I'm here to have fun.

This is not about fun. You're not getting paid to have fun.

And listen, you saying that only makes us look like assholes because we're here to do some more. We're doing our job, like, don't be pointing it out.

But before that, we get to Jack's Jesse and Jason playing hockey. I think they played for a total four minutes and twenty seven seconds, and yeah, Jacks look.

Like they run forty two marathas.

That's what happens when you're middle age and you're trying to play hockey, like rollerblading hockey. Jesse at this point, this is pretty great. Jesse says he doesn't remember twisting kristen nipple, claiming it isn't a style to do something like that.

That's not bougie. Listen, it is not bougie to twist a nipple.

But I also like, if I was Kristen's nipple, I'd be really offended, Like.

You don't even remember me.

If I remember, he should he should have just yelled at it, get on the bike, like I just I don't know.

I I just don't know if I believe that he doesn't remember doing that, or if he if he remembers doing that, he doesn't blackout drunk he was he was calling La La a mistress and a side piece and then he right, this is all the same time. Now, yeah, that's what I'm hoping. Maybe he was blackout drunk, because remember we did see Maybe he's just a dick. I know, I'm trying to kill him the benefit of the doubt, like not that being blackout drunk with your three year

So they can bond. Jesse's like, I know this is a ship plan.

Yeah, after seeing this, I wonder because remember there were rumors out there that Jack's was going to get a job offer working on a hockey team in Florida.

I never heard that. Oh yeah, that was a big room where I was like on the hockey team.

I think it was going to be a coach or on the.

Hockey He said it on Vanderles So it's like, I'm wondering if that was kind of a made up storyline.

I don't know.

I don't know, just this is where my my add goes. What I'm watching these kind of scenes.

But anyways, then we get to Janet shopping for baby b items. Does Janet know she's having a baby.

I don't think she wants to have a baby, but I think she's I think she's begrudgingly aware that it will happen, because not that I like, it's not like I.

Went to a parent in class prior to having my first baby, but I was aware of like swaddles or that you need a crib or.

Just like I have to look at this baby shit and like buy something and whatever. She's like, Jason, I'm gonna have to go to the baby store. I mean, we may need to get a couple of things before this baby comes.

You know, I don't know, like a bottle or something. I guess these things eat. Maybe we need a diaper, like I don't know.

We just let a shit on the floor. Hopefully they pulled that together. Then Nia and Danny talk about.

The pantsing incident. Ja Oh my gosh, you.

Can kind of see Nia's other side when it uh. Danny doesn't run out when she says his name the first time, did you see.

It, No, what was it?

Oh my god, she was my favorite part.

She's like outside one.

If I was Nia, I also want to say, I wouldn't be nowhere near capable of what she's doing, like she has twins and another child under two years old, like the postpartum I would be going through postpartum anxiety, crying, all of it, any of the jokes that we are making.

We are aware that, like we would be no better in this situation, like this is hard, Like and I would look pretty like she does, Oh yeah, for sure not I would. I give her credit for like pulling herself. She looks amazing. We would be we would look like this.

We would we would look like this. We would show up to every time you had a film like that. But she's like Danny, Danny, And.

Then she's like, that's the that's the pageant, the unpageant side, the unpageant side, pageant side. But this is where she shares that she is going through a lot of feelings postpartum, and she admits that she wanted to punch Jack's in the face. And Nia knows Brittany was trying to make excuses for him.

Well, I don't know. I didn't feel like she was trying to make excuses. I felt like Brittany was just trying to smooth things over, like she was trying to do bad.

I feel badly. I thought it was genuine.

I thought she was like trying to be nice, trying to smooth things over, trying to make her feel better.

I think in this instant, Brittany was not trying to make excuses for him. But I do think once they get to the girl's night, Brittany starts making excuses for Jack.

Yeah, yeah about it, Jax, Jacks, jails Will, But I can't believe we're watching the parents of three children talking about a pantsing incident that doesn't involve their children, Like, I don't know.

But then we get to boys' night, Oh yeah night, Jack's Luke, Danny, and Jesse are having a boys night. Luke voices his anger towards Jesse for grabbing Kristin's nipple and decides to confront him. I felt like this was an awkward confrontation as well.

Well.

It was because he.

Goes and stands by him at the bar first, and he's like, will are you driggrin And he's like, what was it a margarita a skinny margarita? Was it a skinny Martina?

He's like, do you want to He's like, do you want a tequila? And he's like, I'm sticking a whiskey.

I drink whiskey because I'm a man.

Because I'm a man from Colorado drunk whiskey. I don't drink Margarita's like, U, la boys, listen you bougie la boys from Boston. Well, then Jack's claims that so this happens, and then Jax claims Kristin has slept with every single one of his friends, including himself, so if he didn't hang out with any of Kristin's exes, he'd have no friends.

Bullshit.

I mean, maybe she has sped with all your friends, but if Alex was dating one of the other girls on the valley, there's a reason.

Yes.

But I love that he does stuff that's ridiculous and then justifies it, or at least attempts to justify it.

I find that amusing. But also, if you're Alex, what the hell are you doing? I don't know.

I've never seen Alex before, So when Alex came in, I was like, Oh.

That's Alex.

I have to tell you I have seen him before and I didn't need to see him again.

I was like, huh, that's interesting.

You couldn't pick two more polar opposites besides Alex and Luke and.

Jax and Thom Samball.

Like, your picker is all over the place.

She definitely does not have a type. I'm just going to say that the type is can impregnate me.

Yes, yes, but the entire boys and I it is just more and more awkward exchanges. Then Jax pulls Luke aside, trying to convince him he can be friends with Alex.

Luke refuses to even entertain the idea.

Then he pulls him and Alex have a side conversation where I just thought this was like unnecessary, where Alex tells Jax he let Kristen a lot of money, sold her house for free.

He and Jax.

Believe Luke's in the honeymoon stage right now and it's just a matter of time before he becomes another casualty, like do.

You hate Kristin Jacks?

Like I get if you're really trying to pretend you want to bring your group of friends together, but then why shit talking Kristen to a guy that also treated her like shit, and she treated him like shit. I don't get it because he's a shit person too. Okay, well that's entertaining. But then we you know, they slip back and forth between the guys nights and the girls' nights. But we just covered guys night. Now are at girls

She shows some emotion, She.

Had a touch of emotion. Brittany tells Kristin.

That Jack's invited Alex to hang out with the boys tonight, and clearly Kristin freaks out they did not end on good terms and she doesn't want him around her friends.

Well, she doesn't want him around Luke so that he can tell Luke all the things that he knows about Kristen.

But also why can Brittany even see Jack's point in all of this?

Like at this point, Brittany, sit this one out, Sit this one out.

Oh you don't like her saying that his intentions were good?

Yeah, like just not, I mean clearly they weren't, Like clearly and even.

Jesse can see his intentions weren't good.

So like Brittany come on, because then she sticks up for Jackson, said, you know he has good intention. She doesn't think Kristin has the right to be pissed off. This is where Nea pipes in and she's like.

This is supposed to be a fine girl's night, that very pageantry. And then Michelle's like, are my divorce papers here yet?

What time will he be back? So I can hide?

And then Jasmine and Zach things are happening.

I like Zach, well, Zach coming up for next week.

Like it's like the girls' night gets heated and Kristin and Brittany are screaming at each other five minutes later, Yeah, I love five minutes later, five minutes later. It's more dramatic than like two weeks prior, like five minutes later shows like shit escalated fast exactly. Zach is yelling at Michelle and Nia is crying. I want to know what Michelle, What can Michelle do within those five minutes that could make Zach so mad? Explain that that is intriguing.

That's what I really need to know, because so far I've heard I counted. I think I've heard Michelle say eleven words and two episodes and show no emotion and show no emotion and kind of see seem confused that she's on a television show. So you think maybe Zach pinched Michelle's hipple.

I don't think she. I don't think she would be mad. She'd be like, that's a hell a lot nicer than Jesse's been treating.

Actually, I enjoyed that. Was that was nice physical touch. Thank you, Thank you for some human touch. I haven't had that for how long have they been married?

Five years? Too many years?

But I also want to know, like if this is part of my own mental illness, why I feel the need to while I'm watching these episodes, go on to everybody's social media and look through their last like five years of.

Life, Like I have never done that. What you are obsessed? It's just how I get.

Like.

Also, if you were, like randomly, if we were just out to having juice shots at Creation and we were not on camera of any sort, and you started telling me a story about your friend Amanda, I would go, I need a visual, like I need a visual of anyone that's ever spoken about now because I'm going to judge them. But if it's because I have to picture what every human being looks like in my head while I hear a store.

Okay, I get that.

Do you also do this anytime I get an address, I zillow it? Oh?

Yeah, for sure, I'm a Kain.

Like if someone invites you to something at their house and they send their address, like I immediately zillow their house. Yeah, I have to zillo. I need to see what this estimate is right, how much are they paying rents? How much did they buy this for? And how much have they made an income? Like?

What is their income on it?

What would Arianna pay if this was her mortgage?

I mean, good for Ariana for buying a one point six million dollar house while she still owns another house. I know, But yet she's claiming she doesn't have much money. She doesn't have any money to pay you back stand the ball for half of the utilities and things.

I guess I don't get it. It doesn't make sense. I don't get it either.

But we are appreciative to this, and at some point before these seasons end, we need so my not not you brag that I have another human being that's helping me, as I talked about in the last episode. But Katie, my assistant guess what her other job is? Oh wait, you have an assistant too, and Matt and George what is going on?

Message?

So were there to our producers on this show? And I like how they're at your house turning your air on and off and handing you coffee. George is not the producer on the show, but he takes he does my paid posts and stuff.

So right after this we got I got no team. There is nothing here. Well my point is, guess what Katie does? Does her other job? Katie my assistant? What her other job is?

Oh? Sorry, I thought we were talking about vander Puff rules. I was like, Katie Maloney has another job. Another Katie she runs the social media at Jack's. She does yes at this restaurant. Well, so you not have like some inside information?

Of course I do, but I can't rat her out. But she did say, She's like, why haven't you guys come to Jack's they have the screening parties.

Well, we didn't get invited, did we were? She said, We're invited whenever we want.

Well, I think we.

Should do the podcast from Jacks. Oh I bet I could ask her. I bet we can have a Jack team. You can get it set.

Off I could ask if we can do we want to interview Jack?

Yes? So I want to hang out with Jack's Okay, So.

Why don't we interview Jack's at Jack's prior to the screening party.

Do they have food at Jack's It's like bar food. Yeah.

I don't know if they have Sloppy Joe though, I have been craving a Sloppy Joe ever since I heard of Sloppy Joe. Well, maybe we can uber eat something from something about her.

It's a ghost kitchen, all

Right, guys, thanks for tuning in and we'll talk to you so thank you.