Two Jersey Js: SOs & XOs

Hey, guys, welcome back to Jersey Jays. I am Jackie Goldschneider. I'm Jennifer Wessler.

And today we are talking about Vallan Valentine today.

Very exciting and we have the two.

Hottest guests on and yes I get carried away. Okay, Yes they're cute. They're very Cute're very cute.

It's Evan Goldschneider and Jeffrey Fessler.

Do you call him jack or Jeffrey.

Depends what mood I'm in, jeff Jeffrey. There's other choice words that I use that will go unmentioned here, but yeah, we both answered it just about anything.

So all right, Well we'll get into everything with them, but before that, let's catch up a little because I did see you.

At fashion Week this week, but I saw you didn't.

I mean, everything was so crazy, we didn't get to talk too much.

How was your week? Did you have fun? I wasn't.

It wasn't a fashion week. I had a week event, so I think you probably did a lot more than I did. But I loved it. You were the one that I was at per Grave event and it was just it was amazing. It was so much fun. I haven't been to a lot of fashion shows, so I'm a total newbie in this category. And yeah, it was

I mean I think we were both front row, and the models are so beautiful and the clothes were so nice. Sort of transports you to a different world for the moment. You forget that the whole world's on buyer and like everything sucks once you walk out the tour.

But I thought the first part also was. I mean, I didn't again, I didn't have my expectations. I didn't have I didn't really know what I was walking into. I've only been to a few of these, but I mean they were serving caviar on blinis. What are those little wait, what are the little pancakes called? Yeah, I think they called Bellini's Bellini's right, and they were serving belinis because it was at Kasta Chipriani. We're drinking Bellini's and all like the most beautiful, fabulous people. And you

She graduated Delaware and now she is working in pr Ryes.

She works in the city. Then, yeah, she just like looks like a city check. Now, oh really she's well sophisticated working girl. Yeah, Julia Hart. And she didn't even know that it was really Julia Hart, but came in and complimented her on her outfit and she knew who she was, just like, mom, that's and she was sort of like try and pull together. I was like, yeah, that's tooly hard. She was so flattered.

Yeah, Julia is the sweetest. Yeah.

It was a great event. And yeah, now back to life. I have one more this week and then back to regular life. Back to the unglamorous life. No, just kidding, everything's glammory.

No.

So other than that, do you uh well, we'll save some of this for with the guys. But but do you do you celebrate Valentine's Day?

No?

Not really, I mean no, well, we have like a couple of traditions that we can save it for our discussion with the guys that are just silly. But no, we don't do anything big. We don't make big dinner plans to you.

Yeah, no, you know we used to. But it's funny.

Now my fourteen year old daughter's got a little guy that she's been dating for like three months, and my sixteen year old almost seventeen next and a month and a half, has a girlfriend, and so now they want to both take their you know, others out to dinner, and so we and Evan are kind of like, well, I think we're just going to be like driving people all night.

So I have to say, did you do this with the little one?

So when mine were little, every holiday it was I had to set something up with I don't know, bloomed and then they had these little presents and there was candy when they woke up, and then you remember you have to like make all little bound hines for them to bring to school for the class.

Oh my god, yes, and they were Actually there was a lot because I always had to do two at a time because just that's the twins, right, So I always had to do like forty six of them and like write out the messages and then like seal them with the candy and everything, and like it took a lot of time.

But yeah, I miss those days. Got it goes so fast. Oh that sounds very cliche, but it goes so fast.

But we'll go through everything with the guys. I mean, and you know, back when we were first date, like everything everything had to be like super special. But then you know, you we actually keep our love alive, but not so much in life. You know, when it's on a date in a time, you know, like it's we don't do things like just because it's a certain day, but just birthdays, maybe anniversary, yeah, just birthdays, although you know I'm not a big birthday person. What else, And

Yep, which I don't. I'm like, now, what even even started hill first year? He'll be fine.

But he you know, he's really not stress case like Rachel and I are stress cases.

But he's stressed. No, it is very stressful.

And then, but you know, you could do so many things with the law degree.

For example, I'm on a podcast in the real house. That's right there, you go.

Thanks, all right.

Well, welcome to our handsome husbands, Jeff and Evan. Thank you guys for being here.

Thank you.

I God, So, I want to jump right in so Fessler's I actually.

Don't know as close as we are, Jenna, I don't know how you guys met. I don't tell me you and you don't remember. Really, I think I do. My story, Jeff, you want to tell it?

I want to tell Yeah, you guys, tell me how you met, first im questions, first date, how.

You feel like, give me all of it. It is actually a really good story. Go ahead, jeffy Okay.

So I had used as about seven to nineteen ninety seven, so I had used a dating service. A couple of times called it just lunch in New York and one day ome in the office.

They wait, so it's just lunch, said it. They set professionals up on lunch date. So the the I actually think it's still around. But the idea is like, Okay, if you're a busy professional, you don't have time for dinner, but everybody has time for lunch or a drink. So the premise was, excuse me fixing professionals up on lunch dates.

It's just by the way I used it. Also, there you go, yeah, I might have met you, Jack. I know.

I've actually been furiously searching my emails from back then, but email was so new, really, I mean it wasn't new new, but like you really didn't do all of it through email. So I can't find my emails back from like two thousand and one, two thousand and two. But I bet you you and you you were my person there.

Can you imagine? Yeah, I was the director of Y and then the director of Jersey. All right away, go on, Jeffrey John.

All right.

So I'm sitting in my office and I get a call. It was a Friday afternoon. I think I get a call and it's Jen and she's like, you know, I see that you used. It's just lunched. Do you want to come back? I go no, it was horrible. I'm not doing that again. And she was like, just you know, I want you to come in and want you to meet me. And for some reason, I was like, you know what, I have nothing to do. It's Friday afternoon, all right, I'll go over and see.

I was the new director there, so you try to so you wanted him to meet you for purposes of like it's joining. It was as a numbers game, right, like, okay, somebody joined. That was the idea to get more people to join. So you called old clients to see if they were renew Okay.

So well I went over.

I walked in and I was you know, I met her and I was like wow, that was my first thought was wow, she looks amazing. And we started talking and she, you know, does her gen thing with talking making you feel great, you know.

The whole thing. And then she goes, what is your type? And I said, look in the mirror.

Oh, and I just well, can I just jump in to say that if you know Jeff Fessler, I mean you two. Do you know that is not no Jeff Fessler thing to say. So, like, looking back on it, you know, I remember it happened, and I was like, ha ha haha. Another guy thinking he has all this you know game. Meanwhile, Jefffessler, no offense. My love has a zero game. So that was like a very big deal.

He did that.

He did, Oh yeah, well it didn't work.

Actually, well, yeah, no, it didn't work because then she goes she said, well, I'm in a Hampton's house and I have a boyfriend.

And then blah blah blah.

And this was like May, and I'm thinking there was no way she have a boyfriend in May in a Hampton's house. You may be maybe at the end of the summer, but not now. So I kept pursuing it. And you know, first date, what was the first date was.

Four seasons drink at the four Seasons, right, It was like not a date he was sending me. I was like, no, listen, I'm you're a client. It's not professional. I don't do that. Meanwhile, I really took the job to find a husband. But whatever. So I was like no, and then he's like, well, we just meet up whatever, have a drink whatever. And I remember we went to the we met at the Four Seasons, and I was like, this is not like we could be friends. This is not going to be

So careful what you wish for, ladies. So when did you know that you were in love?

Well, we just became friends. I was like, listen, this is not going to happen. I'm you know, let's just be friends. We could hang out. And we started to hang out and like every Thursday. So for all you young people listening, Thursday night was friends seinfeld E r Night and back in the day. So he would come over every Thursday and I would I was like such a little beach. I was like, listen, go to chicken kitchen, pick up chicken, come over to my apartment, don't make

Whatever, And then how long until you guys were a couple?

Well?

And then then what happened was you know, she was still said, still remain friends. And then one day she said, why don't you come into the office and look through the files?

Ill girl, you other women?

And I said, all right, sounds good to me, and.

I did, yeah, And then what happened. Yeah, I wasn't I was not pleased. That was it.

I was not pleased. Yeah, but it was you know. So then he wanted to be fixed up, and I was like, what do you want to fixed up? You're madly in love with me? What are you what are you talking about? Right at the time, I was dating this other guy and who it was totally unrequited love. I was crazy about him and he was not crazy

Sorry, you guys. How old were you when you got married? I was thirty.

I was thirty one when we got married, thirty when we got engaged, right, Jeff. And then last question, and we'll pivot. What where'd you get married? Marine Beach and Yacht Club, New York Outdoors? Uh, And it was not outdoors, it was, but it was on the water and it was just a million years ago and it was just beautiful.

Oh beautiful. Well your turn, all right, Well havn't gone.

I'll let you tell the story.

Oh, now do you remember the night we met?

Of course, brother Jimmies.

Yeah, we were Brother Jimmies.

Anyone who's from New York City or they or went to New York City in the nineties early aughts, and they call it right, everyone remembers Brother Jimmy's. It was like for those who don't know, it's like a beer bar through and throw. It's like a barbecue joint. And they serve these fish bowls full of like mystery liquids, alcohol, one hundred straws coming out, dirty plastic toys inside, and like they're designed for lots of people to share them.

It's so fun.

They play like great you know, classic rock, great music. And I was there on a Thursday with my best friend at the time, who's still one of my closest friends, and uh, and I saw Evan. The funny thing is that he was where. Evan's the biggest Jets fan ever. Do you know we named one of our children after the Jets. Middle name is Jet. And he was wearing a Giant's hat and I always ask him, why were you wearing a Gian Evan? Why are wearing a joint set?

Because every team, if I wear their their hat or their shirt, I bring bad luck to it. And I have a lot of shot in Freuda in my life as being a Jet fan. Any team that wins, I'm jealous of the thing with brother Jimmy's. By the way, if you think about it, it's like the exact opposite of it's just lunch you go to It's just lunch to find somebody that you could fall in love.

Right, I know where you can see Jimmy's like out.

You know, find somebody for the night. That's the intention. You don't expect to find your wife.

Yeah.

So I was actually sitting at the bar with my friend Hannah because we used to go every Thursday night we had we were friends at the bartender and the staff there, and she wanted to or or something from the menu. So I made eye contact with Evan. But I was not in the best headspace at that time. I was, you know, I was anorexic. I was not like very secure, you know, and I I saw him, and I thought that guy will never like me.

And I hate that.

That's my first thought that when I saw and my first impression is that guy would never like me. But anyway, so she's looking through the men and you, and then I hear a voice behind my shoulder and he says, I hear the filet mignon is delicious. And I turned around and it was him, and I was just so shocked that he came over to talk to us.

But it was very very smooth, that's very cute. It was cute.

And then from there we went so our first date, he took me to a Mexican restaurant and I marry Anne. So I was in a phase of not eating. No, what was it called it went away? It's called Zerella.

It was called Zerella. It's charming.

We had our first day there.

He ordered an appetizer for us to share and it was fried and I had a very long internal struggle over whether to eat the fried food and let the guy think I was normal, or not eat the fried food and stick to my diet. So that's what I took away from our first date. But we ended up. He decided to stay for the craye and we ended up. I think our third date we had drinks at just

Well, the second date was good too.

Yeah, the second date was good too, But the third date.

Was yeah, that was good. What was your third date?

What did you think when you saw her?

I don't remember my first impression, but obviously if I went up to her, I was attracted to her.

I have to be honest, like, at that point in my life. It was.

It was late two thousand and three. I had been drinking a lot for a long time. You're kind of like that stage in your life where you're twenty nine years old and I just saw something that I liked started talking to her, but you know, I was I was drunk. I came straight from the gym. I think I had my gym bag with me too. I was wearing that stupid giants hat. But I obviously liked her physically, and then getting to talk with her was even.

One last story about that night, and then we'll move on to Valentine's Day. But so Evan said to Evan values his sleep a lot more than I do. I'm not a big sleeper. Evan is a big sleeper. And so he said to me at a back out eleven thirty or right with it.

About eleven thirty, he said, midnight.

It was really midnight, and I used to go out until like two in the morning. So he said to me, listen, I'm going to tell my buddies that I'm going to grab a slice of pizza and then come back. But I'm going to tell you the truth. I'm going home because i want to go to sleep. So he took my number whatever, we exchange information, and then he left.

And then one of.

His friends comes up to me, like fifteen minutes later, and he goes, listen, I got bad news for you. I hope you didn't like that guy, because I think I think he gohested you. I think he left. And I said, oh, no, I know he's not coming back. I think he lied to you, not to me. And he's like, no, no, no, I think he lied to you, and I said, no, no, no, I.

Think he lied to you.

Anyway, he never came back, but he did call.

Well listen.

That says a lot Jack, because back in the day, at that age of some guy said that to me, I would have been like, all right over, not interested.

No, I was so interested. I knew.

I knew my mother would like this one. Tell me about your first Do you remember your first Valentine's Day?

No? Do you know? Really had no idea.

I remember ours. We went to a place I don't know if it's still around. It started with a p what was it called?

It called public? It was down. I think it was probably like in the East village or around there.

Yeah, and I wore this pretty flowery dress. I was so excited.

I don't think i'd ever really had like a real proper Valentine's Day college my college boyfriends, but not really like an exciting bound.

I remember my first male Valentine's Day. Jeff would appreciate that men's.

Valentine's Day steaking a blow What is a male Valentine's Day. I don't know a male Valentine it's like.

Every year.

Yeah, I never heard of.

That, Jeff, of you, I'm not writing it down in my calendar. It's a steaking a blowjob.

In March twenty third.

That I remember very well. We want the sparks, and then.

Excuse me, the listening public doesn't need to know.

That talking about the Sparks was the steakhouse.

No, I live right down the street from Sparks forty six and second, Yeah, that's.

Where so there was like a big mafia murder there right, Yeah, outside Sparks.

Yeah, very old school for people.

Oh my god, I just all those those days seem so long ago. Liked, right, we're making it up because it just I just picturing that street and Jeff and I hanging out. I had this apartment that was like the size of I don't have a room small enough in my house to show you how small it was. It paced a brick wall and it was a teeny tiny little studio. And I kept like in the underwear in the city forty six and second, I kept my underwear under a drawer, in a drawer under my bed,

He had this.

Apartment in Gottenburg, New Jersey. So right, so he bought this apartment in this place called the Galaxy, this high rise views of the city, and he thought that he was saving me from this little cell that I lived in.

Meanwhile, loved it. I loved it. I loved having my own own little space. Was the person I had.

I lived with roommates for years, so it was like mine. It was my own apartment, and it was just there was a doorman, it was safe.

I felt.

I just loved living there. And to this day he just is like, I rescued you. I'm like, no, I rescued you, Okay, well did you move in?

So you moved in with.

Him once we got engaged. Yes, yes, that's I was actually doing it. I was like, I really wanted that ring. So I was like, listen, I would never ever live with a guy before I was engaged, like just trying to pull everything.

Well, I think you need to by the way, I would advocate for that. I think that you need to know if you can.

Live with somebody well before engagement, well together, what maybe after engagement you can always.

Break off and engage. Do you guys work together?

Yeah, you're gonna spend all that money on a ring for somebody that you don't know.

If you can live with. I mean, yeah, I guess, yeah, I don't know.

I would advocate for it, but yeah, we we lived together. Well, you know, it was like a matter of like like our leases running out kind of thing, and like what do you do?

Do you re sign for another year?

We'd already been dating for six months, you know, so do you wait or seven months? Do you wait another year? You know at our age, we were already Yeah.

We engaged. It happened very quickly. Once it happened, like I was ready. I wanted to get knocked up before a while. I wanted to nail him in. I was like, really, oh my god, Like once I realized because I was thirty and I mean I used to have these dreams, these baby dreams where I would wake up and just be so upset that the baby wasn't there, like these really maternal yeah, like the it really my biological clock was loud.

And so once we got engaged, I was like, let's do this. Let's go. I wanted done.

Now, let's go. And then we got married and he's like, well, can we travel a little this is all happening. I was like, no, we have to get pregnant now, like we got pregnant fast everything. Once I knew that it was going to be Jeff, I was like, make this happen well.

Evan and I were like, let's travel.

And then it's funny because we got married in August of six, right, so February of seven, just a few months later, we go on vacation and we had planned to like wait a little bit before having kids because I had just turned thirty and I wasn't in a huge rush.

I was a young lawyer.

And we go to Mexico and I'm laying at the pool and there's this old lady laying next to me and we start talking and she says to me, she goes and I told her that I just got married a few months ago, she says, when are you going to try to have a baby. I said, no, We're going to travel a little first, and she was Adam and she was like, no, do not wait. She actually happened to live even though I met her in Mexico, she happened to live a few blocks from me in

And her name was Lois.

She was lovely, but she was like one hundred years old, and she was like, no, don't wait, you might have trouble getting pregnant.

You never know.

She gave me the name of a doctor and I left the pool and I said to Evan, we need to get fred.

I didn't now, we need to go see this doctor now.

I literally made the appointment from Mexico, went as soon as we came home, and we ended up using that doctor and I ended up having problems. So it was good that we went. But you know, whatever trajectory brought us to having the children that we have was the right one one. But we did intend to travel a little bit more. I don't think everyone was thrilled with the timing.

Well, I mean it was all bad that not as it wasn't as long go as it was longer for us than it is for you guys. My point is that like that time seems so it was so fabulous and fun and exciting and just feels like another life, like we have one that we talked about. You know, we talk about what we're going to talk about before we actually talk about it here on the pod. So we said, you know, would you change anything about your wedding?

That's one of the questions here, right, Yeah, would you change anything about our wedding?

Yes? I would have done a destination wedding.

Really, Oh, I don't think I would with like.

Like four people and then and then God, just because it's I feel like a wedding is done on behalf of other people and it's just you don't have to, you know, you don't have to have a huge wedding to kind of prove your love for somebody else and to do all that work, which you did most of it, like ninety nine percent of it, of finding the flowers, finding the band, finding everything, and then narrowing it down

Exotic to get.

Yeah, but then you have a video.

Yeah exactly.

I don't want to see that.

Yeah, the the first first song.

But for first dance, why what was it?

What was it? It was? It was the Carpenters. We've only just begun.

Oh I love that song.

Why would you change it?

Oh?

Dance? Oh yeah, the first dance.

Effects at last.

We had through the years, ironic because we had only known each other for like two years.

We wanted he wanted it last, And looking back, I hate our wedding song. I chose it because some girl who worked it. It's just lunch who was at our wedding, but she said, you know what would be a great I always wanted this would be the best wedding song. And I was like, yeah, okay, And like, looking back, it just was not the right choice. But yeah, we always laugh about it when it last comes on.

So we were going to we were going to coordinate a dance for our first for our first dance, and we went to a dance school together and I am not a very good dancer at all. And we had a lovely relationship.

Evan and I were.

Like deeply, madly in love and never ever fought. We still hardly ever find And we went to dance school and had the biggest fight, like we just hated every second of it.

Do you remember, Oh my god, I can't believe you guys did that. That was so bad.

We could we just could not coordinate and we had a big fight and we were like, you know what, I forget it. We'll just generically dance. So I was saying we did through the Years as our first dance, which is ironic.

Because that's also one of my absolute faces. I know.

But we had only known each other for two years, so what through what?

Yeah, that's a thing. I know. It's more of an anniversary song were we talking about, you know?

So the thing I would change about our wedding is that there were just so many people there that I didn't know and that Evan didn't know. Actually, I remember sitting at our dais and somebody came over to congratulate us, and when they walked away, I said to Evan, who is that? And he goes, I don't know, they're on your side. I said, no, no, they're on your side. We had no idea who happen people there were, so I.

Feel like we we did, I mean, well like you though, Jackie. I was in the throes of an eating disorder at the time time, So I do if there's also something I would change, Like I could not eat that cake, no way, and that was like a whole weird thing. And I brought along my own food to my own wedding. Yeah, so yeah, like that's what I changed that. I don't know would I change anything at all?

Let us hear so.

But okay, so let's talk about what has changed though over the years in terms of you guys, go first, So go first. Do you still do you still do like romantic stuff?

How do you keep your like your love like kind of like exciting and romantic?

Jeff Essler, I'll let you answer. Be you still celebrate, Let's start with that.

Yeah, I'd buy cards, get her some chocolates.

I'll tell them about the chocolates. I don't like flowers either.

Not weird, but also all I ever wanted growing up was a little girl was like one of those big pink heart shaped boxes chocolate from CBS, like a Russell Stoffers with the bows. So he that's like all I ever wanted was some was a boy to bring me.

Well, Aiden's girlfriends about it home, true, because that's what I got.

I love that. So are you That's what I want? Yeah? Do you do anything? No, we don't do much. I mean like McCard it gets me, okay, yeah.

Get yeah, cards, chocolate's.

We go out to dinner. We did for a long time. No, we really do a long time.

I don't think we ever we did. I don't think we ever did.

I mean it's just hard now because like most of the time it's on a weeknight. This year it happens to be on a Friday night. But even on this Friday night, like our older boys have a game at seven, and then Alexis wants to go to dinner with her little boyfriend, and then Aiden wants to go out to dinner with his girlfriend after his game.

So I mean, when are we gonna go? You know, I'll hold your hands at the basketball game. What else are we gonna do? You know?

I think that's the best. Yeah, I think that's great, and.

I think it is what you make it, you know, and we could always do it related.

Well, So these questions that we have also coming you guys, are really more about not just Valentine's Day, but like relationships are specifically ours and how they've changed over the years. And we wrote down a bunch of questions. Jackie actually wrote down most of them. I'll give you that credit, But like, what do you do to keep the love alive? Has the meaning of love changed over the years? How often do you talk about your relationship to each other?

In what ways?

Well, I mean, whoever watched the Housewives this first season I was on, been only on two, but heard me talk about the fact that Jeff and I were separated for a year and a half. That happened at like year seven of our marriage, and for me, I don't know that changed things. I'm not recommending this, so whoever's listening, I'm not telling you to get separated, but for us, I feel like everything changed after that or the better.

What do you Jeff, do you think.

You appreciate you You appreciate but you don't have anymore. I mean, you appreciate it more because you've lived through the fact that you may never have it again and then and then you get it back.

Not many people do.

We felt very lucky, right, you are very lucky. Yeah, no, I know, we really are. I mean we just couldn't make it happen. Like we just neither one of us really wanted to go to the lawyer. Neither one was really wanted to, you know, and Jeff was Jeff so like whatever I said, I was like, we would tell We would tell the lawyers like I don't care, like Jeff will be fair with me, and the lay like, oh you don't know.

That's like, no, no, you don't know. Jeff, Jeff Fessler.

He's not screwing me and he's not screwing his kids, and both we would like try to make an appointment to go to the lawyer or the media. We would blow it off and go like to Chili's and sit and just hang out. We just didn't neither one of us, I think, really wanted to get and.

Did you have to have like a solid conversation like let's just, you know, call off the dogs and get back together and move back.

Remember, Jeff, do you remember that, like us deciding to.

Yeah, I think it was when wasn't it when I went to the Jamaica with the kids and you went to Saint Bart's with my boyfriend?

Yeah?

Yes, and.

Yeah and you and you wanted.

To exactly I so, yeah, they were at like some beaches Jamaica and I was at like the Eden Rock and Saint Barts. But it just wasn't right and the thought of I don't know, this is really not all Valentine's That's okay, it's a material and other people go through it, so it's real life couple stuff. And yeah, so yeah, I just missed them, and I would have. I just wanted to be at whateverever beaches Jamaica, wherever they were. Yeah, that was I guess that was the beginning, right, Yeah, this is not.

Just why where were you before? The same town, same town, new house, okay, all right?

And then like although we had so many good memories in that the first house, though, like beginning of our marriage is like we had a bad marriage. It started to disintegrate a little bit. I guess maybe you're six, but it's not like we babies.

It was fun, you know.

Yeah, Well then I think that's maybe a cautionary tale that you have to like keep the level, Like you have to communicate, you have to tell each other. So Evan and I are big on Evan and I are big on telling each other I love you. We we say I love you when we get off the phone with each other, when we see each other, and good morning, like we do. We're a big I love you family. We're kind of gushy. One of our sixteen year olds is pulling away, but the other ones are all like mushy, gushy.

R Jeff's not mushy, but the rest of the three of us are mushy, so he has no choice.

No, we've turned Evan into a big mushball. But we we do.

You know, I enjoy like a date night.

We just don't get many of them. It's hard.

You have to prioritize that, and we gets a little like life gets very overwhelming. Our kids' schedules are crazy, and then you have your own shit, right and like so you have to carve out these these times and these nights to reconnect with each other. We've only had like two nights away without kids, like since we've gotten married. Yeah, I don't mean like two nights total. I mean like two nights in time, maybe like once or twice a year.

Yeah, we'll have.

A lot of that in a few years, which is great. We have.

Rush.

Yeah, so do what do you guys do? What do you do with all that empty nest or time? Is it easier now to prioritize each other or is it harder without the kids there to kind of like glue you together.

Easier?

But also, Jeff, don't you think like it's just saw something literally on before we came on do this. I saw something on TikTok about this guy talking about the best marriages or the marriages that have companionships, like all of that, you know, sparks and the tummy rolling and the craziness of when you first fall in love changes period. I don't care what anyone says, you don't have that for a lifetime with someone. I don't think you guys. Maybe you guys do have it, and I just don't

You don't have the pressure anymore with the kids.

Not around to like you know, just I mean, you're you're focused on each other.

What are your best times together?

Is it?

Like?

What are your like when you realize, oh, this is the right person for me and we've just you went to that.

I'm curious, Yeah, Like, do you have those moments traveling. Yeah, traveling. I was going to say that too.

Yeah, we don't get to we haven't gotten to travel to too many exotic places. We just started, so we went a few places before we had kids, but we really just started taking our kids far away. So we went to Rome with them last year, and we're going to Barcelona with them this year. But those those really are the best times well with their kids for sure, Like by ourselves. We always kind of did because they

But and I feel like though we are so very specific in the way that we travel together, we are exactly on the same rhythm, like you have to be. We want to do this much sight seeing. We based a whole trip around three meals and this much sight seeing and then this much chilling out time. I don't know, it's just that those are our best times for sure. I haven't jump in.

Right about uh no, so I have a philosophical thing.

So I think when you're single, you're like one hundred percent that's selfish. When you get married, before you have kids, it's like fifty percent selfish, and then immediately when you have that first kid, it's like one hundred percent selfless and zero percent selfish. So what I look forward to, I'm not trying to rush it, is when the kids are all in college, because then you can become back to that.

Fifty to fifty.

Maybe it's a little bit less because you still have kids that demands on your time, but the stuff that I love is yeah, yeah, there's the banality of life right where a lot of people do the same things every day and that's fine and that's great, But it's really traveling and seeing the world and doing it with someone that you love that's the best.

So you know, that's the best part.

You know. I would just hope I met my best self when I have a good balance of friendships, family, time, and work. And right now, you know, also, like work is very up in the air. So Jen and I were just discussing, like our contracts are up in I think this.

Week, this week, oh is it this week?

Job?

I don't know, I think, yeah, I think our Bravo contracts are up this week. We still don't know what's going on with the show.

I mean, and either way it'll be fine.

But you know, like right now, I don't feel like I have that career part down because I don't know what's going on with the Bravo job, which does take up a lot of your time. You know, It's funny because when you watch these shows and someone's like, what

Make your money when you're on one of these shows.

So right now, I don't really feel like I have closure with where I am with work until I know what's going on with well.

I think also, like Jack, you're you're a worker, like you always want to have a million things going on. I need I need to have a million things going on. I like it, but also like our husbands, I think both. I think, Evan, you're like this too. But Jeff is an insane workaholic and I don't even say that.

I'm not even.

It's not like a compliment like oh my husband's he just is. He has like a sickness. It's not even. And I think it stems from this weird financial insecurity that for some reason he thinks that any moment we could be homeless. I don't know what goes on there, but anyway, I think that it's the greatest thing when at least for us, like Jeff is so absorbed in work, we're not on of each other as empty nesters like he's got and I always had. Yeah, well, I mean, what do you think, Evan.

I always want to be busy with some outside pursuit, whether it's teaching or my current job, definitely, but I want to start scaling down. So I don't want to be I don't want to be a seventy five year old and twenty five years and you know, be working ten hours a day that's one hundred percent because I can't take the money with me. I live once. I don't live for work. I don't live for money. I don't live for material goods at all. You can probably

That's it.

So you know, one you know, in forty years or whatever, I'm nearing the end of my life. I wanted to be with no regrets, but forever I'm not gonna be able to do that.

You do need money in order to live the course life that you want to live.

I think.

Teachers at Georgetown, I don't. I don't think many people know that. Evan teachers two classes this.

Year, well three three three this year actually out.

I know.

Yeah, I feel bad for the students.

No, yeah, I'm sure I feel bad for the females, definitely not.

Don't feel bad for the college students, the female college students at the hot professor. Feel bad for the wife exactly. But anyway, tell us not back to love. Let's talk about love because it's a Valentine's episode. So when you, Jeff, when you buy Jena gift, does she choose it for herself and then you buy it? Or are you good at picking this out? And I will wrap this this with a story. My friend called me about fifteen years ago. She was dating her husband, and she said to me,

They'll you know.

So I always advocate for picking out your own gift. I don't think there's any problem with that. Some people think that's horrific. Where are you guys?

Well, I've learned over the years because I would. I would buy her a gift and she'd be like, I love it.

I love it, and you know, literally the next day she'd called me, well, well, you know, you wouldn't mind if I like take it back and get this or get And it happened constantly, So now.

Would you mind? Were you insulted or did you not know?

No?

No, not at all. So now it's just what do you want?

Yeah?

What do I want?

But also like it our jeweler, like we have all like there's a wish list, so like people come in and they give their wish lists. Their spouse can come in or their boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever it is and pick something out of that, it's all very manufactured and not romantic at all.

But then you get what you want, so right.

But then you always have this thing that you can look at and remember when they gave it to you. Like so most of my jewelry or things that Evan has given to me, and I've picked most of them out, but after that one little occasion where you pick it out, I forever look at this thing that I love and I know exactly which occasion he gave it. He got it for me, and it's still him getting it, so I don't mind it. But I think, uh, we don't do gifts for Valentine's Day.

We do gifts for birthdays.

Oh good, good, I got it.

Oh no, yeah, we do get But I once got you a gift of like a pack of massages. It's probably like fifteen years ago, and you said, oh, thank you, thank you. Oh yeah, and it sat there and said thank you, and you're like, I thought, maybe if she'll use it, and then you didn't use it, and then ever since then, I'm like, all right, I'm just going to differ whatever.

You want, because I'm really bad with going for like five days because it takes up in time tired, and I'm not big on being like touched and needed and prodded. I don't love that.

I don't love.

Jeff doesn't at all. He doesn't like to be touched period, full stop.

You never get a couple.

This massage not for him.

Yeah, Evan, do you like massages? I'm like, not that into being touched like that.

Yeah, I mean, well it depends what type, but yes, I can't. Like.

We went we went to Mohnk for a weekend.

You ever go there, mo Honk Monk Mountain, like scrub on me and like I was sitting in the scrub and I was.

Like, oh, get it off. It was like twitching. I can't do those. I like it.

I don't get facials. I don't get no facials. I just started going again. I just started going for facials.

We did that tie massage and Bali on our honeymoon.

Honeymoon and that miserable.

That was it.

That was it, because it was also probably a bad idea. I don't know if you'd ever had a massage before, and it was a kind of massage where they pick your foot up and basically spin like this insane. I loved it. I thought it was great, but yeah, he was like never again around. No, I'm just saying I'm being facetious. I'm saying like they were there, your legs are up here, and they're moving you on all these crazy ways.

But I mean I loved it.

Yeah I love it.

I do too, Yeah I do too. But no, that was it. That's probably his last Moses.

So if you were, if you were talking to so you guys have I think we have two beautiful, solid marriages, which is a lot of my friends are dropping like flies by the way. I find out about a new couple getting divorced constantly. But so I feel very fortunate. I do because I feel like we're we're pretty rock solid.

I would say, I think the biggest thing is to communicate.

That's what I've learned. You just have to communicate.

And if you're if you've you know, if you've got these feelings and you.

Know you're not letting them out and not telling your partner, you know that I.

Don't know what he's talking about right now. When was the last time you come communicated with me? I mean, I talk about your feelings. I don't even know what you're talking about right now. Communicate I mean.

Them, But you definitely talk about the feelings, all of them.

I do. I Yeah, that's true. I would say that more. I don't know.

Listen, we don't have the answers. I feel like a lot of what we've got very luckier. But I think that I say this to my daughter all the time, not to my son, because he's no interest in what I think in this area. But I tell Rachel all the time, like more important than what he looks like, more important than what he does, more important than like the most important thing is That sounds so obvious, but

Is he?

And I was very got very lucky in that area because I did. There's a lot of guys that were not menches. I was just drawn to not bad guys. I was really drawn to every guy. I was completely boy crazy. But I think that part of why we have work so long. Well, I'm crazy, bitch, And Jeff is such a minch. He's such a good person, he is such a good father, he is such a good husband. So he's you know, I am out of my mind and but he is rock salt all day.

I want that for my daughter.

I want her to find a guy that you know, is just a good, devoted mensch, right.

Because everything else can change, looks, your job, all of that change. But like the inner I think, I think.

What I would tell people well is not to let little fights turn into big fights, right, like put it to bed quickly. Like so when we have like a thing, like we're pretty sure to talk it out or it turns into something bigger, right, What would you tell people?

Ma, Yeah, so you're you're right, Jeff's right about communication and listening. But it's also I think it's perspective, right, So if you have a little fight, nothing's ever like

Yeah, So you know what, if we ever do have a time, I look at my kids and they all really look a lot like Evan. They've got a mix of both of us, but some of their strongest features are Evan's, and like I just I love them so much and I look at them and I see his face, you know, and I realize, like nothing is worth like having like any kind kind of like dispute within your family,

From divorce, a lot of divorce.

I was the child of multiple divorces, and Jeff grew up with the greatest parent, very just this it was him, and it was his sister, and it was his two parents, and they just we came from such different worlds, and like, I wanted that so badly. I think I lost sight of that at some point during our marriage, and that led to what it led to. But like, I feel very lucky to have this family and like this man

I know, my parents haven't lived together in twenty five years. They're very happily married, more happily married now.

That they don't live together. That's so interesting.

Did live together, Yeah, a lot of fighting when I grew up. Now not so much fighting because they don't know where the hell each other are half the time, so it works out.

But this is nice. Thank you boys for joining us.

Thank you for having us.

Jeff, thank you Evan. Happy Valentine's Day to you guys and Jeff. Valentine's Day. What'd you get me? Honey? What'd you get me?

Hi?

What do you want?

Oh?

I already got it, already.

Got on the registry at the jeweler.

Yes, and Russell stopers, please pink box, lots of bows.

All right, Thank you guys, You.

Guys, sign off. You guys, chat with miss fassel Hair.

Very cute, You're cute, very lucky, very lucky.

I hope that our kids a lot of fine, a lot of people dropping like flies. And I do I do think like if you're in a bad marriage, that that's probably the way to go.

You know. I don't advocate for like stay married no matter what at all, Like I just think it's it's fabulous to have this deal with that.

Yeah, but yeah, but I mean that's not always the answer. I think it's better for your kids if you're miserable to not to get to be Yes.

Probably is your mom remarried now? Yes, he's married.

Now? How long have you been with her husband? Now? So twenty oh, that's time. So this was the one. This is the beast few years married.

Well, my mom and my dad got divorced when I was very young, like three, and my sister was two, and then they both remarried and then that marriage did not work out for either of them. But then my mom got remarried again and he died. Oh and right, so and then my dad got married again and they got divorced. I mean, that's a whole other We could do a different pod on this, but.

I experience a divorce, not in my parents, not in me. Nothing. Yeah, no experience of it.

And I think also divorces, people are doing them in a way that's way better, I hope. I think better for the kids now. I think, like people, there's a lot of lessons that have been learned over the years about divorce, what not to do. And when we were separated, neither one of us would say one what bad word about the other one. I mean, oh really, I loved each other.

Year and right.

The things I saw were just I mean, these divorces were bad. I was at a very wealthy Park Avenue divorce firm. I had clients, a lot of wives who were a lot younger than their very wealthy husbands. It was their first marriage, but their husband's like fourth marriage. And you know, it was sad a lot of times sad, and I just hated like when the kids were involved.

So it was sad, you know. So it was not it's just not divorced. I mean as being you know, a kid of divorced. Definitely, definitely not easy. Yeah, well, let's not talk about divorce. Talk about Valentine's Day. Yeah, Valentine's Day to you any Galentines with your girlfriends. I just did a Salentines which I I you know, I had this partnership now with the Avenue at American Dream.

Oh yeah about them.

But I so I am working with the Avenue, which is that luxury wing of American Dream, and and just trying to I don't think people in Bergen County specifically or in the city really know. And for all of you, all of those of you who are not listening, who are listening and don't live in one of those places, this is gonna be fast and working with them anyway to sort of like show people how fabulous this area

Blah blah blah.

I did this promo and I talked about Salentine's Day. Salentine's Day made up is self love. Oh I love that my bag right, yeah, I took myself right to the mall by my little self, took myself out to lunch.

Was fabulous.

And no, I don't know, I don't need Gallantines things going on to you.

Yeah, I got two of them this week, but we'll see.

Its supposed to fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's fun.

I enjoy it.

I think I like the Galentines better than the Valentine. I'll just be like sitting, you know. I like being with my girlfriends.

I love it. Yeah that my.

Kids are a little less sneedy, know, I enjoy going out with my girlfriends. So yeah, and you know, but Valentine's we don't really have any plans. But anyway, Happy Valentine's Toe you Happy Valentine's Day from two Jersey Jays.

From two Jersey Jays, and we will see you guys next time. Enjoy your day, guys. Bye, Hope you get lots of gifts. Bye,