Hey, guys, it's Jackie Gulchnighter Jen Bessler, and we are two Jersey j's. But we should tell you something.
Yes, we definitely should tell you something. It's actually not going to be as dramatic as one would think. We are still the best of friends.
There's nothing.
We got a lot of What happened. Jackie is Jackie on her own. You're on your own. What happened between you? I wish that I could say that it was that exciting. It really it's just not that exciting.
Yeah, I wish we could say. Actually I don't wish we could say, but I mean I think a lot of people wish we could say that we got in a big, old nasty fight because Jen is friends with people that I'm not friends with, and we got really mad at each other over that. But hence that's just not what happened. It didn't happen. We are just, you know, we got a lot to say, and so our own voices are going to be highlighted in addition to two
Jersey jys. But nothing could ever take the place of two Jersey jas because we have so much to tell you guys and talk about, so.
And there's just stuff that. I think there's stuff that Jackie really is dying to discuss that's personal to her. There's some things that I want to discuss, and you guys all know that Jackie has been through it and written a book about it in terms of eating disorders and her life, and so a lot of that is, you know, really more I think appropriate for her to discuss with you guys. She could delve into some of that. I've had some stuff in my own life that you know, I'd love to share with you.
You know. So Jenna and I were just talking about how the weekend that just passed was the first weekend that the show was not on, and I have to say was a nice little break. I'm worrying because we had been watching the show. When you guys watched the show, we hadn't been seeing it in advance, so if there were any surprises, we didn't know about them until they
popped up on our screen. So like the night that Thereesa said she was using me, my god, I sat at my kitchen table eating and watch with my jaw on the floor, and then my phone rang like four hundred times. Oh gosh. So yeah, it's a nice it was. I was.
I was with my three best friends from high school. I went to high school in Houston, Texas, so once a year we get together. One of my friends has a home on the eastern shore of Maryland, and it's just so dreamy. And I want to say the weekend was so separate from all things housewives, all things Jersey in general, and it was such a respite. It was such a nice few days of just you know, nothing but old friends and laughs and you know, catching up.
It was. It was really nice. Yeah, I've been spending a lot of time in my real world, but anyway, my real world involves a lot of children, Yes, a lot.
I've got a.
Lot of children. And so today's episode we were going to talk about like the things that come along with motherhood at this stage, like my kids are getting ready to leave, your kids are out of the house, but like still like in graduate school or like close to home, and like what we thought would be a little bit funnier, like what naturally came was like all of these memories of and I think I'm a really really good mom, It's like my best thing, but like all these memories
of like parenting fails throughout the years.
Parenting fails, which we I think every mother has plenty of those stories. I know that every mother has plenty of those stories to tell unless they're really not self aware. But if you have any self awareness, you know that you're not always a perfect mom.
Right.
But then also a couple we want to through in a couple of our the things that we're most proud of.
Of course, and the things we miss and the things that we don't miss. But parenting fails. You want me to start, or you want to start.
I want you to start, But before you start, I do also want to say that as a mom, you know of little kids, and I'm not that anymore, but it was such a wonderful relief to hear about other moms and what they were going through and not just all the success, right, like to share the fails and to you know, misery loves company or whatever that is,
but to get that kind of support. So I love this topic because guess what, I'm now a parent of a twenty four and twenty two year old, and I can tell you there are still fails going on, might be fails, and I'm sure my kids would love to tell you about them.
But they're not here, so yeah, because everyone always tells you loy enjoy every moment, and like, I just feel like there's a whole lot of like no one talks about the bad stuff. But anyway, so here we go. None of this stuff is really bad, Like at the core of it, you love your children. Now it's just your mess up sometimes, So okay, I'll start. Okay. So, when Jonas and Aiden were not even two and a half, I gave birth to Hudson and Alexis. So I had
four kids under the age of three. And when Alexis was a few weeks old, I took her with me to pick up Jonas and Aiden from nursery school. And they were in a twos program and she was just a few weeks old, and I had not really been sleeping, of course I had. I was changing thirty two diapers a day. Oh my god, they were all fourign diapers,
and you know, it was like roggy, you know. So I go to pick them up and I saw this older woman who I had I think she was somebody's grandparent that I had always seen when I used to go pick up my kids from the nursery school. And I was waiting for the boys to get out of their class. And she says to me, oh, you had your babies. She says, what's her name? And I said, Alexis. Now let me divert for a second. So in the
Jewish religion, you don't name after. In Ashkenazi, you don't name after people who are still alive, right, only the dead. My sister had four kids already, she named after everybody. So by the time we got to my second set of twins, everybody had been named after. So we chose middle names that like, we didn't really just things that we love, right right right. So Alexis's middle name is Harlow, which I just love the name, zero connection to it. So she says to me, what's her name? I said, Alexis.
She said what's her middle name? And I completely forgot because the middle name didn't mean anything to us, you know, Plus your head is scram scrambling, And I said, oh my god, what do I do. Do I lie and say it rose or do I say I forgot? So I said, you know what, it's human. I said, oh my goodness, I'm blanking. And instead of being like that's okay, you've got four babies, she goes, you forgot your own child's middle name, and I felt so bad about myself.
I would come back and I felt so bad. I felt I said, oh my god, I'm the worst mother in the world. How am I forgetting my child? Would like, oh my god, I said. I said, I'm just I'm so tired. And she's like, wow.
She was like, I don't think I've ever asked a mother her child's name for her Okay, so the kicker I came home. A few weeks later, we had we had company over and I was telling the story and Jonas and Aiden heard me. Yeah, you know, it wasn't a few weeks later, it was like the next year. And they said, they said, well, what's her middle name? And I said Harlow and they said it's Harlow. I said, yeah, you guys know that. They said, oh, I said, what'd
you think it was? They thought it was Carlos w Anyway, I forgot my child's name. You know, why would they think it was Carlos Harlow. They just couldn't. Before I have introduced my daughter Rachel as Rachel Rose. That is not her name. That is my niece's middle name. So she's Rachel Faith.
But anyway, all right, So mine is the best news about mine is that it's really about Jeff.
Okay.
So my son's in middle school and he is running for president of the class, and I guess it's like his You start middle school in what in sixth grade? Sixth so it's like seventh grade, right, president of seven whatever it is. So we are invested in this, right. So we are making the posters, we are making the videos, we are campaigning. We are all just in and it's I brought my brethren because he's he's like an expert in terms of like everything technical to make these videos.
And we went overboard, way overboard, like it should have been like, you know, Zach with a bunch of markers, all of us sitting around on the kitchen floor, you know Zach for and said it was like way over the top and really really sort of cringey. But anyway, so he runs for president and he does not win. Okay, he actually won the next year, but anyway, so he doesn't win. So my husband, Jeff becomes so enraged, I
mean just so cringe. I can't stand it that he calls the principal yeah okay, and he insists that the election was rigged. No, I'm not kidding, this actually happened, Okay, because the time so they took the votes, everybody turned into kids, put their votes in their little ballot boxes, and they had the results so quickly that Jeff Vessel was convinced they didn't have time to count them. No, I can't even talk, I can't even actually say it without shuddering.
And their principle was the nicest guy. Okay.
I didn't walk into that school for months. I was so mortified. But worse than that is what he did to my kid.
My son was so so embarrassed, embarrassed, like, are you get a life like this is where this is called getting too involved, dysfunctional relationships, no boundaries, All of that rolled up into wine.
It's such a function of like loving your child so much, being discompletely dysfunctional.
Yeah, so, I mean, we definitely laugh about it now, but that was definitely like it wasn't mine, but it was a parental veil for sure.
I like that. So one year we planned a very big trip to the Dominican Republic and we got to the airport, bags packed, and I let two of their passports expire and didn't realize it. So we are standing in the airport with our bags all packed, and they're like, your passport's expired. And I said, we just got this five years ago. They said, yeah, kids are every five years. I know that adults are every ten years, but kids are every five years. And I didn't know that. So
my kids are all absolutely hysterical crying. I'm going to go home. I don't want to go home. I said, guys, we're in an airport. We're going to figure it out. And I looked at everyone like this is on you too, Like I just did it to be one. But like I do, like take responsibility for that kind of stuff, Like I'm always like I'll take care of that. I'll take care of that. I know, I let our passports expire. I mean a deposit, it was. It was a disaster. Sucks.
But if that's a fail, I need we need more time.
We have to extend episodes worse.
Okay, you go all right, So I'll tell you about one because I think that it's important also to talk about ones that are not necessarily funny. Yeah, they're just you know, things that that I wish that I had
done differently. So before kindergarten at at our school, at our elementary school in Upper Settle River, the kids get tested for kindergarten, and if they qualify for something called junior kindergarten, they get into a year where it's almost like like a repeat of I guess nursery school almost like it just they just they get tested to see if they're ready for that next step. Right, So all of the parents that I know, junior kindergarten is like
a gift in our district. It's such a great thing, right because the ability for some kids that are not quite there yet to have another year to develop before kindergarten is great.
Right.
So both my kids were really really little in stature, and they were both late in terms of the like what is it called like like they were both born la cut off by the cut off right now, so they would have been like both of they're both like some amongst the youngest in their class. Anyway. So Rachel goes through the testing and they say to me, know
what she qualifies. She could she could go you know, junior k Really she's like developmentally, she was always very very behind little in stature and because she was diagnosed
with Type one diabetes and needed growth hormone. There were always there was always stuff right, And instead of embracing this extra help that I was being offered, I went into I think, what was my Mama bear bs, like, don't tell me that my daughter is not ready for kindergarten and she knows her letters and her numbers better than Zach did at that age, and just this whole like defensive ridiculousness and said, I'm not she's going into kindergarten.
She did fine in kindergarten, made friends. I also was very attached to the idea that she had already made friends in nursery school and that now she was not going to be able to, you know, be with that group of friends she was in nursery school. Okay, this is like where I went. And so I ignored this, this gift that I was being offered and pushed her into into kindergarten.
Oh you didn't even take it.
I didn't take it, thank you, and all about my BS and my ego and my Mama Bear and my kid and not really like listening to this is what your kid needs? More worried about you know me, I think, And I don't need a kid that's going to be just complete and utter nonsense. I wish she wished sometimes that you were. I wish that I was my age then, right, raising this little kindergartener. I mean, she did fine, but I think it would have been such a fabulous gift
to have given her. And you know, kids, they just mature at different times. We're here to talk about it. She again, she did fine, But like you know, I think that sometimes being one of the oldest in the grade comes along with a lot of advantages as well. It's sometimes hardest to be so young and so little. Anyway, So there's one for the list. The list is long, and there's one you know. It's the ego.
The ego, and if I could get rid of my ego, I think I'd have so much more peace in my life. And I'm working on her now because I do think sometimes because of how I think they'll make me feel and appear, but not because they're authentically, of course, what I want. But a yes, that's another topic. So here's one that breaks the fourth wall on our show a little bit. It's from years ago, though we're not recording a really really long time ago, so one year this
might have been like my second season on the show. Yeah, it was, And so it was twenty nineteen. Hudson and Alexis were only they were eight years old at the time. And during the season we had filmed, it was cold out and I was taking a ride to my father's house, who lives like an hour away, and Hudson and Alexis were with me. So when it came time for the show to air, sometimes there's things called pickups, right where like if a line got like muffled on the microphone,
they didn't hear it, it was important. They asked you to do it again. Right. So they had called me and it was now like July, and they said, we need you to we couldn't hear or this one line. It's very important so that people understand why you were going to your dad's house. We need you to refilm that scene. Said great, fine, They said the kids were with you. I said, all right, I'll make sure they're available. They said, okay, so you're gonna have to drive your
car on the highway. This is They sent me a picture and said this is what the kids were wearing. I said, okay. So the kids had been in big winter coats and you know, like heavy, heavy clothes and big winter coats and like cats. And it was now July. So I said, okay, do they have to they have to wear these coats and they were like yeah. So I'm getting Hudson and Alexis and they're like, why are we wearing this?
It's so hot out.
It's so hot, and I was like, listen, we'll blast the air conditioning in the car. We just have to do this. It's it's not going to be that long. We have to get on the highway. They're going to be filming us on the highway. It's fine. And they were like all right. So we get in the car and I put the air conditioning all the way up because it's like a hundred degrees in the car, and they were like, so we have to shut the air because we can't hear you.
So I'm on the highway because my kids aren't miserable and are dying of heat, and they're both zipped up into a massive face winter jackets in like a hundred degrees with no air conditioning on and the windows all the way up, and I was like, I am the worst mother in the world right now. They could not understand what we were doing. Why we were wearing winter coats in July.
I felt so Jackie, that would have kept me up.
Yeah, I would have definitely gone to town on myself for that one up good. Yes, I know that they did. They're here to talk about it. Okay, how about this one? Another ego, one that I look back on and think, oh,
JENNI forget a life. So again, Rachel was really really small until she was now she's five five, but anyway, Uh, she took dance at this place called Studio L, and all of her friends took dance there and there was something there, so you paid for dance class were you always paid for dance, But then if they were really good, they got into something called company, So you know what
I'm talking about. Okay. So Company was this competitive. It's kind of a league, right, it was, and all the girls wanted to be in it, and it meant that you were now going to compete. It wasn't just that you were going there, you know, a couple times a week and then at the end of it there was going to be a recital. It was going to be that you guys, you know, the Studio L was going to compete against other dance companies. Blah blah blah. Some of these girls do it all through high school. It's
you know, it's this sort of almost like a lifestyle. Well, Rachel didn't make company. Oh I shudder at this crap. Yeah, God forbid that my baby girl had to be disappointed? Were here a no? I mean this is actually, as we're talking about this, there's like a theme going on in my life. So I she was away at Sleepwoy camp and I found out she didn't make company. I'm actually like grossed out at myself as I'm saying this. I've marched myself.
Jack.
Okay, I marched myself into that dance school and her friends in meet it, And I was like, how do you do that to a kid? All the friends she is hanging out with, they're all moving on now the company. Except for Rachel. This is all she's wanted. And in terms of like not all want it, but in terms of you know, studio l and it's just it's not right. And I guess I was loud enough. Jennifer, Yes, and you did your duty. Except that's done. Great, except that
Rachel didn't like it. Oh yeah, she didn't like it. She didn't like it. She never liked it. She's like, she didn't like the chore Mom, I don't like the choreography. The choreography. Like second thought, well, I think we put down a certain amount of money for a company and it's just so cringey. I can't stand it. And then Rachel is like, you know, like any kid would be, I don't want this.
I don't like it.
I don't even like it. Before I one company, I don't like dance. I'm not taking to dance anymore. Okay, except I made a full I mean, you know, just like there's definitely a theme here.
Okay. So so when my kids were when Jonas and Naden were potty training, so they potty trained, they were fine. They were three years old. They were now out of diapers, and I took them to the Carter's store in Edgewater and, uh, we're in there the outlet. Was it an outlet store? No, it wasn't, but it was big and we used to like shop there all the time. Got him sort of missed those days. But anyway, so Jonah says to me, I gotta make a peepee. So I said, all right,
hold on, let me put this shirt down. And I'm going to find the lady and we'll ask where the bathroom is. And I put the shirt down and I turned around and he took a big piss in the middle store.
So I didn't know what to do. He just whipped it out and pissed in the middle stone. So I think that's so I did so do and I like froze because I always try to do the right thing.
And I just grabbed them both and I ran and I ran out of the store and I got into my car put them in my car, and I said, what do I do? What do I do? So I call the store and they were like, Carters, how can I help you? I said, Hi, I was just in there with my children, and I'm really, really so sorry, but my son had to go to the bathroom and he peede in the middle of the store.
And she's like, oh, thank you for telling us.
Don't worry. It happens all the time. And I was like, really, you have kids just piss it all over the store to stop. Not so much with Carters, right, I couldn't tell if I felt I think she was just trying to make me feel good.
I can't imagine that people are just urinating on the carpeting there.
But it made me feel a little bit better. But my god, I was so humiliated, but also like I felt really bad that I had like just left.
But then again, like what was I going to do? Just going to complete nutter brain melting?
Yeah, like I just they didn't know what to do.
Yeah, all right, So the next one I have, I hope a lot of you guys can relate to. And I'm past it. It's about Halloween, and in my town, Halloween was one of the most stressful days.
Of the year.
It still is, by the way, It's just horrible. And so I was so invested in, like what my kids, who were they trick or treating with? Where were they going to be? I look back at it so sad. I was always just so worried that they would be at the right place, you know, on the right block, have friends around them. When I say right, I don't mean be at the right place, I just mean be somewhere where, you know, they had their friends and they were having fun and they were interacting with other kids.
And it was such torture, I think, and all of my friends we talk about it now that the kids are grown you know, the panic and then the throwing of the Halloween parties and you know the I mean it was this was probably a hope, more of a stress on me than it was on them. But I do remember, like every Halloween, just absolutely dreading it. And also you know the thing it's called what is it when you put the bag of candy down, you run away like ghosting?
Ghosting?
Oh my god, the hell that is ghosting? Right, and all of the mothers like trying to get all of the kids into their cars. And I don't know, I just if I had to do it differently today, I hope that my kids didn't feel the pressure of it, but I would have just said to my you know, fifty six year old self, let it go. I mean, but honestly, like some of that still remains with adults.
I know a lot of adults still stuck in that shit of the I'm going to have a party and you're not invited of course, or like this is who like the cool people are, Like, I know a lot of older pople are still doing that kind of shit. Well, I can tell I can say this to you, okay, And this is some thing that I definitely learned. This is actually the thing that I want to say the most in terms of like this episode and something that I think is so important. And my therapist taught me this.
So my kids went in and out of having a ton of friends, and the next year they didn't have as many friends. Like all kids. Sometimes I was like there were times where they were just completely you know, alone on the weekend, and I would be so concerned and I would say to them, well, Rach, why don't you call whatever homever? Why don't you do this? Why don't you do that? And that was so I learned now and I think now it was just the wrong
tact to take. So when your kid is being left out or their home and other kids are out, especially in this age of social media, like they know it. They're not stupid, they know that there are you know, their peers are out doing things and they're sitting home for whatever reason. And I would harp on them like, what are you doing tonight? Well, why don't you call this one? Why don't you call that one? What that does, I've learned is creates a situation where they think that
you think that they're a loser. They think that like the home has to be their safe place.
I learned.
And this is again after doing this where I was just telling you guys about Halloween, but like, say nothing. I would say to all, if there are mothers listening that have young kids, and do what you want. I'm not an expert, but I'm telling you this is how I feel now after years and years of therapy and raising kids and all of that.
Not a word.
Keep it to yourself because they should not have to worry not only about the fact that they don't feel great about the fact that they're home alone, but now their mom notices that there's something wrong with them and that I guess that's all wrapped up in like you know, Halloween and where you're doing.
What are you going?
Did you make plans with your friends? Like if I had to do it all over again, I would say completely quiet.
I think like some of that is just our own insecurities playing out on our kids because you don't want to feel.
Like, well, that's the trick right to a healthy One of the tricks to I think a healthy relationship with your kids is that to understand that they're not you, that there's like there's a separation between they're not they are not you. They came through you, but they're not you, and let them have that.
And you know, it's funny because I've been made fun of for my fomo when I really I don't have that much fomo. But I've been made fun of, yes, And I can see which of my kids have fomo and which of them don't. And I have two that like, if you are opening an envelope, they need to be there. But I have two that like really don't care at all what else is going on, Like they just want
to do their thing. And so it's funny, like I wish the fomo ones didn't have as much fomo, but like I see the way that they're like me in some ways, you know.
But even if they have, if they have it, just I wish that I had let them know that I didn't have it right for I have a friend who I just think is the greatest mother, my friend Jody, And she said that her daughters had jomo joy of missing yeah ev and said that, and I just loved that, like there were just you know.
No one loves sitting there ass on a couch on a weekend night more than my husband. He loves it. He does go out a lot because I make him make him but he likes it. Sometimes. I like sitting on my ass all the time, but he's a lot of body pain. He starts to complain after like two hours at a restaurant. He's like, not comfortable for him. Okay. So I one year forgot to get a birthday present for a kid. So I was like, you know what,
Like it's the same thing as a gift card. I'm just going to give them cash, right Like kids love cash. It's more exciting. No one here has ever done that. I've never opened a birthday card with my kid and like ever seen cash in there. So I put in some cash. So the next day, the mom texts me and she's like hey, She's like, did you mean to give my kid cash? And I was like yeah. She's like, oh, it's just funny. I've just never gotten cash before. I just wanted to make sure you meant it. It's a
funny gift. And I was like, why is it a funny gift. She's like, because I just put it in my pocket and book groceries. I was like, okay, but that's not what the point of it was. And I was like, oh my god. I am the worst?
Why does that make you the worst? I can't any mother that called me and asked me why it made me like it was a weird thing. I think, like they're the worst.
I don't know.
Would you ever call a mother and shame them from me? No, I don't know if groceries thanks even more?
I don't know, big gift your kids. I don't have that many more. I have half days that I've forgotten where the teacher has called me and been like, hi, everything okay, and I'd be like, yeah, just out and about They're like, okay, today was a half day, so we have we have your son waiting here. I had, I used to have, well I still do. I think porto potties are the most disgusting things on earth. I'd rather piss out my ear than go into a porta potty,
okay literally. And one year at I was out with Alexus and there was no other option and she had to peace so bad and the porta potty that we went into was vile and I wasn't going to let her sit on it. She was a little girl, she was like five years old, and I didn't know what to do, so I said, I'm going to hold you up at a crouching position and you're going to be And we were like that in the porta potty, holding her like, you know, like scooping her up and she's
in the air. We're hovering, I'm crouched and she's like I can't, like she probably cat, I can't. I'm holding her there and I'm.
Like, you can't sit on this.
See.
Oh god, it was the worst experience. She was crying.
I was crying, vile.
Ugh. I don't know if that was really a mistake on your partner.
Now. It was just like I didn't know what to do. There's so many times I didn't know what to of course, it's scary. It is so scary being when there especially well no that's not true. It's scary. It's always scary. What do you miss? What do I miss? You know?
We talked about this a little bit in previous episodes, But like, I'm not that mom that's sitting around my house that is like now that my daughter is actually moving out in a week, she's moving into the city, I'm not the mom Like if they're good, I'm good. Like when they're happy. I really like empty nesting and that's not to say I look at pictures of them. Jeff can't even look at pictures of the kids when
they were young, like we were trying to get there. They're a bought Mitzvah montages together, and you get all of For those of you who you know don't know about that, it's like you get all of these pictures and video from when they were little, and you put on this big slide show and it's Jeff couldn't look literally get a walk out of the room. He even seeing them younger now, he can't look at pictures sell become.
Safe from my brother. I didn't have a bot metza a bar mitza a butte. Sorry, but everyone's bought Mitzvah and bar Mitzvah montage was set to Paul Anka's Good Morning Yesterday. Yeah, and even hearing the.
Song thanks you cry well, I can't even now looking and especially the video is hard for me because I just missed those people. They're not those people anymore. They're not those babies.
It's called the times of our life. Sorry. Oh, so you know that song right? Good morning yes today? Yes, I know that song. I know. Sorry, my voice is absolutely horrific.
Well, so anyway, So it's hard to for me to but I am. I'm okay with my kids getting older and I'm still making mistakes, so yeah, all the time, and different types of mistakes. I think that it's a very hard thing like now in terms of trying to figure out, like how to help them financially, what's that line I want them to stand on their own. People have different ideas about that. It's like, there's so many
different things now that I screw up. But I screwed all those things that I screwed up back in the day. It was just everything felt like everything I did wrong felt like everything. Yeah, And that's another thing I think that I would give myself. I wish I'd given myself more grace. I know it's not an easy thing, yeah, you know, and I.
Try not to be a yeller, but there were times I remember yelling at my kids and just feeling so bad. I mean, like you say things in the heat of the moment, and you just.
Remember, like yelling in the car because the mornes were so crazy right before kiss and drop, And there were a couple of times where for whatever reason, and my kids would cry and then they had to get out of the car to go to school for kiss and that was that. My day was over. I was so sick to my stomach. And then you call the teacher, you know, and their eyes are all puffy.
And.
Oh my god, the worst not even don't look.
Like you're crying the fact that they were going in and then you just oh, horrible, you guys, if you're raising little ones, I don't know what to tell you.
I happened. I mean, they had a way of pushing your limits, you know, and you're all we all make mistakes.
I'm guessing that every single mother looks back and thinks I missed the mark there, And you know, there were other ones again that were just not funny. I mean, my daughter was diagnosed with type one diabetes when she was twelve years old, and just that whole initial period, the whole initial year was so scary, so over the top, difficult to accept to deal with. Our lives completely changed,
and I wish that I had even then. You know, I would never beat myself up for this because it's a very hard thing and we all did the best possible that we did the best we could, but looking back, I wish that I had. I don't have gotten her on the pump quicker. There's always going to be that stuff. I just think it's nice that to be able to share it and also share the good decisions that we made.
Yeah, so tell me what.
I don't know if I'm the most proud of this, but something I'm so proud of is the fact that I hiited. So Jackie and I are being that we're Jewish. A lot of Jewish parents send their kids to sleep Boy Camp. I don't know if everyone listening, you know, knows about that, but sleep Boy Camp is in the summer, lasts about seven and a half weeks, depending I guess on where you're from. And the kids started when they were young, like eight years old, and a lot of mothers.
I don't think Jackie your kids did it.
No, we don't tease way, Okay.
So for my kids, I feel like it was the best gift I could have given them. Not for all kids, and probably more for my son even than my daughter, but they it was such it's a hard thing to do. It's a very hard thing when they're young to say Okay, bye bye baby, I'll see you in seven and a half weeks. There's a visiting day. That sucks. There's so much anxiety around it. You know, there are so many mothers. There were so many mothers in the community that didn't
do it, that didn't understand. There's just a lot around that. But if I'm looking at, you know, my parenting, and I think about the things that really help my kids and the ways in which they they grew and developed self confidence, and I just think for me, for us, sleep Boy Camp was everything. And they have these friends. Even now my son is friends with his sleep Boy like living in the city and there's like four of them and they're together once a week. You know, it's
just a nice and they became independent again. I know you didn't do that, Jack, So I'm not trying to say one is right or what. But the night kids and our life that was, like I'm very proud of that.
So there's there's a thing at sleep Boy Camp on visiting Day that I've seen on obviously on like Facebook and Instagram where all the parents wait until like they open up like the there's like a timer. Yeah, they're running on the running of the Jews. Yeah, and then you running of the Jews and then you can run to say Okay, I want to know how hard you trained for that running, Like.
Oh, that's a great that's such a good question. It's not that I trained, but the first year we went, So you bring candy?
Did you have so much chex?
I don't understand the first visiting day, so you bring candy, well all that my son was there at that point, but you bring like candy and toys and whatever. Visiting day in a blanket because you park yourself under a tree with the kids. You go see their activities and you sit around, you eat sandwiches and whatever you do. So I'm getting on. We get a park in this parking lot and then take the bus to the camp. So all the parents are parking in this parking lot.
I had a suitcase filled with stuff for my kids. So I'm getting up on this bus okay, and my sister and her kids are too, and we're taking these suitcases. Imagine having a suitcase filled with candy and food. And the other parents are looking at me, and I'm looked right into the bus and I was like, don't judge. And the entire bust little parents started cracking up because it was so it just was so over the top and your blood is like getting rushing and your adrenaline is going Just to see.
The anxiety alone, I don't know if I could do it, you know, Evan, and I'm not right for everyone. We've been watching the latest season of The Amazing Race, and he's always like, one day we'll do this together, and I'm like, I can't either watch it. I have so much anxiety. Are you kidding? Like, oh my god, Because I'm really good at puzzles and games and stuff like that, but I don't think that. I think that I would just have a total meltdown once I'm like pitted. I
don't like competing. I don't because I don't like to lose, and I know you don't.
You're not.
Just get a little bit like crazy, Yeah, you know I get that. I am very proud of my kids manners. I think highlighted by this one story in particular, maybe a year ago, I had some I won't say which son, so no one could figure out which friend. I had some of my son's friends in the car and we were driving, and all of a sudden, they all started laughing and having an argument over who farted, and I thought it was so rude to fart in someone else's
mom's car, and it smelled. It didn't smell like my kids, like I know how my kids wan smell. And it was so vile that I had to breathe in another child's guess. And it's one of my pet peas. By the way, one of the joke about New Jersey gets so angry about that New Jersey is the only state where when someone farts in the car you roll up the windows. I cannot anyway, I was so like, I thought I was one of the rudest things to do to another mother. Obviously, I didn't say anything to the kid.
I didn't know which kid it was. And then when they had all gotten out of the car, I said to my son, don't ever do that to another mother, And he was like, I never would, and I'm sorry, I'm sorry that happened. Like they understand, you know, they're always pleased, thank you. They understand. You know, Listen, kids mess up too, They're not always you know, perfect. They have a deeper sense of empathy. I think because of
my brother. They've grown up with a disabled uncle. They know the stories from my childhood of how mean people were to him and what it means, and I think they would because of that. They're never like cruel to anybody, especially like somebody who is disabled. They always like try to, you know, be a friend. But their manners are really good, which I don't see all the time. I love that, yeah too, But let's see, I'll tell you something. I
don't miss anything in the middle of the night. I always freaking hated that, like waking up in the middle waking up in the middle of the night to clean up your son from getting like sick to their sch oh my kids spoke that was time. That was not peeling off sheets at three in the morning. There is nothing worse. There's nothing worse. Yes, putting sunscreen on my kids the worst.
Now we're just talking about the stuff that sucks, not stuff. No, no, no, that's the stuff I don't miss. Listen, Parenting is hard. And because I was, Jeff was always working late. Like we didn't have we weren't that family that had dinner together around the table.
We didn't have dinner together around the table. We just didn't be ause my kids always go That's another thing I feel really bad about. I've been shamed about that that didn't have dinner. No no, no about us not eating family dinners. So we do when we can, but it usually was like once or twice and we didn't
and we couldn't. And there's always kids with their activities and then the practices and my kids like to eat at six and I like to eat it sapt thirty eight like it just it did never really happen.
We so because my because Jeff is always working late, and my friend Bonnie's husband was always working late. We say we were sister wives. We raised like five kids together. So it was either at her house or at my house, and one of us was bathing and one of us was cooking, one of us was which was actually looking at it was it was really I mean I look back those days, Yeah it was. It was really cool.
But these kids were eating at the island. Two of them were eating at the table, the others were running around like it.
Wasn't they all survived and it was like.
The four of us around the table, how is your day? I do know a couple of my friends who were able to pull that off.
It was not us. Yeah, I know what. You grow up watching all these movies and like every freaking night, these families are having dinner together, and they're all like dress.
Yeah, no, it's in pajamas and like they're having in It's not just dinner. It's a beautiful dinner and there's salad and a wooden bowl with the wooden past the potatoes. Was you like a glass of milk potatoes?
I have somebody reaching like putting their half their body on top of the potatoes and ours.
The other thing is no, this is not really I'm not really sorry about this, but there were a lot of chicken nuggets in my kid's life. McDonald's ones, do the Purdue ones, the baked pons. I just couldn't deal with it. They would not eat. They were so picky. I'm just like, all right.
Jonas actually didn't want to swallow for the first few years of his life. I know. It was a really bad I had to take him for food therapy. He didn't like the sensory, the feeling of solid food going down his throat. He was scared of chewing and everything. So we Yeah, it was a really big thing. I mean, on top of all the other big things going on to have four kids like basically the same.
I have friends who've had very big eating issues, very he was in food therapy for a long time. He had baby food until he was like five years. I have a friend whose son still is very, very picky, but it was one of my oldest maybe my oldest friend. I just remember. She would only eat peanut butter and ants. She would sit on the cur ants, sit on the p and eat ants the bugs.
My friend.
Yeah, I won't say her name, but if she's listening, she'll know who she is. Peanut butter and ants and that's did that make her say? I don't remember. I just remember, like this is a person. Like our mothers were best friends, so we were literally like you know, from the time, and then we moved away, but we reconnected happily and years and years later, and I just we laugh about it because like you couldn't get her to eat anything and apparently appealed to her.
Wow. Gross. But yeah, yeah, yeah, no, Now he eats like I have no idea where it goes. But you know, just on that note, it's maybe I shouldn't say this. I don't like to give tips. It's not a tip. But when I was really, really aner exic, sometimes I would eat baby food. It was so bad. That's sad. Yeah, it was terrible, but it's you know, like there's nothing to it. It's so light, like it made him feel comfortable, but eventually he got there.
Listen, I mean, most stuff is all in passing.
Most stuff.
I wish it's funny because I don't know exactly who listens in terms of demographics, but if any of you young moms are listening, like, please believe me, it all passes. Nothing is as I know some things are, but a lot of things are just not as intense and serious as they feel at the time, you know.
Yeah, like look at I was looking back, you know, when I was preparing for this, and like all of those like things that I thought were like either disasters or the biggest things, like I don't even remember them. Yeah, you know, and if we could talk about the show
for one second, it's like the same thing. Like I had a bad ending of this season, and I said to a few people I'm really close to, including you, like I've just had so much more than this, Like I don't want this to be my legacy, you know, and everyone was like, of course not, like this is right now, and then it passes, just like everything else.
I wish it as we got older, things we could where the world is an expression, where the world like a loose garment. Oh I like that, but it's not an easy thing to do. And yeah, it's true. What do you think that in you know, a year from now you're going to be focusing it'll just be something else.
Yeah, I know, I know everything in.
The open, this microcosm of reality TV is you know, it's a different thing. It's a different animal. And listen, you've been at it much longer than I have. It takes a lot.
Yeah. But even this whole thing about like me and you fighting, I yeah, I think it's funny obviously because we know the truth. But like, it's just I don't know if everybody just wants more drama so that they can have I can't.
Even begrudge anyone that because probably as a viewer, I was like very wrapped up in oh my god, this one, because it's not like I don't really know these people show and I do like a reality it feeds into that part of you that loves drama and still does. I mean I watch the other shows and I'm like, oh my god, I won't even name names.
I know we both know, Yes, I don't think there's that many other shows on right now. Yes, anyway, I am very grateful that you and I are still so am I And this was fun ye trip down memorily, It certainly was, And I actually loved this episode. Yeah, I hope if any of you younger moms are listening, that you know definitely made you feel a little less alone. I think I can't believe that I didn't think of the yelling at one, because there's so many times I just yelled way too much.
And yeah, welcome, yeah, welcome, kiss and drop.
But everyone's good now, everyone's thriving, growing right, Yes, so we did something right.
Okay, well listen. I don't know if it was us or them. Yea combo combo. Yeah, my friends, thank you so much for listening, and.
We will see you next you next time. Bye bye,