Hi, guys, Welcome back to Two Jersey Jays. I'm Jen Fessler, I'm Jackie Goldschneider. We're very excited about today's episode.
Yes, and it's so funny. I love. Even though I've been on reality TV for six years, I still there's certain TV personalities who I've never met that I am just so excited to talk to. Today is one of them.
I feel the same way today we have the iconic Patti Stanger on the show.
Did you used to watch a Millionaire? Oh my god?
I mean seriously, like, I feel the same way even listen, I even get like that meeting Housewives, still like, oh my god, I'm standing just in the presence of greatness and Patti Stanger like she was way before any of this.
Yes, right, yeah, that show is definitely I mean I think that OC was probably on already and I think so right years was I'm like blinking, you know, the years go by? Yeah, you know it's a quote. I know it's a quote, Remashal, you know, the years to keep coming in, they don't stop coming. But yeah, I
love of the Millionaire. Matchmaker was obsessed. It was a different premise that so she has this new show out now and it's same idea, but it is not millionaire Matchmaker anymore, right, So it's not women who want to meet their millionaire husband. So I don't know could you even get away with that these days? I don't know, you know, like a millionaire kind of thing, well, like just a show that's based on a woman meeting a millionaire. It was all right, I just were some women millionaires.
But you know, I don't know that you could get away with the old show that she used to film because there were there was a lot you know, we're a lot more PC now. Cancel culture is really a
thing right now, Yes it is. And I don't know that you could get away with, you know, concentrating on a woman's looks and telling her she I mean, there was this one incident I remember where Patty was telling a woman, you know, certain things about her appearance that wouldn't fly if she wanted to, you know, be successful with a millionaire. And I don't know that you could do that now.
Right, You probably couldn't. I was I worked for and was very very close friends with these women, and I we want to have them on. Actually, Jack, we've spoken about it, who wrote that book The Rules.
Oh yeah, I remember that. I remember that book.
So for you guys, I don't know if you guys have ever heard of it, but there was a book about, really, you know, how to find a man and get married and so really it was a huge topic of conversation back in the day.
I'm thinking it was.
The late nineties, right like mid nineties anyway. So the idea was that there are some rules that you have to follow if you want to not only get married, but have a successful marriage, and they lay it out rule by rule. They've written several books now, Ellen Fine and Cherry Schneider, but I believe in a lot of what that book has to say, And even though it sounds so archaic now, I think Patty probably also subscribes
to the same philosophies. There's a lot in it that talks about like not accepting a date after a certain point in the week, like don't be that last minute girl, right, And it's so it was a lot of it was very controversial because it was some people thought it was anti feminist. Some people thought it was actually a great, you know, example of how a woman can really take care of herself when it comes to dealing with men
and anyway. So it's just interesting because it also gives out appearance advice and it talks about you know, lots of scia. But you know, the sad truth is that you have to be physically attracted to somebody in order for the You don't have to be but physical without physical attraction, I don't feel like there's that spark.
I don't know.
I don't know if I believe that anymore. I mean, I I know that like I see it. Also, like even with my daughter, you know, she'll meet a kid, a guy, a boy, whatever, a man. I can't imagine that it's a man because she's twenty one, but okay, we'll say man, and you know what, I'm not into him.
I don't know.
I just I don't know. I just I got the ick. She'll see him again, she'll be like, I don't know if he's so, he's funny. I kind of like him, And the next time I talked to her.
I'm in love.
I'm in love. I met my husband. Like, I think that stuff can develop. I think it's very hard in this age of social media to actually give people that chance right to get past appearance.
Yeah, I don't know because I just fell so deeply for Evan Goldschneider when I laid eyes on him, So I don't know. I can't talk to him everyone. You know, if people don't know about Jen Fessler is that before she was on the Housewives, she was a matchmaker.
I wouldn't say like before I was on the Housewives because it was about a million years ago, and it was I guess it's like a maybe three years out of my life and my twenties, I had god so many different jobs. But anyway, yes, for a few years, I was a matchmaker for this company called It's Just Lunch.
And the premise of base Just Lunch is that you set up singles professionals on either lunch dates or drink dates because no one has time, you know, for a date date, so these are just sort of quick, you know, meet and greet and have a coffee or have lunch. Anyway, that's how I met Jeff Fessler as a matter of fact.
So oh he was a client.
He was a client, well, he had been a client and his membership expired and I was trying to get members to come back in and I'm the new director called him up He's like, it wasn't really successful for me, and I said, well, you haven't met me or whatever, you know, like sales pitch, And because Jeff Fessler can't really say no, if you just beat him down enough, he ended up showing up.
And that was that. It's funny because I used it's just lunch during the years that you were working there, and I can't find any of the email correspondents. It did not work out for me. I only had one go around with them, but they set me up on three dates that were all bummers. But I know that it does work for some people, so I'm not like disparages the company. It's a very hard thing to be
a matchmaker. But I talked really habdy about it. I wish I could find those emails because how funny if you were the person, because I remember the woman that I spoke to told me she met her husband there. But you probably know you, Jeff no Early.
I don't think that was not the way it was supposed to happen anyway, But I was not supposed to be dating if I tell But I found like, as a matchmaker, you know it, maybe you can get it right in terms of like Okay, somebody says, I like Brunette's great. He has to be tall, fabulous. I want a professional great, but you can't. And Patty maybe ken so interested in this but predict chemistry, you know, it's like it's a very hard thing. Like I think that's something that you have to be face to face.
Does it work?
It may make sense on paper, but how does she actually how did she figure out? Like who's going to spark?
Yeah? Well, well I never really used dating apps except for JD. I don't know what any of the difference between any of the ones that maybe you do because you have a twenty one year old daughter. I don't know the difference between hinge bumble.
Bumbles, the bad one bumbles, the hook up one. I think I don't call me, don't hold me. Oh maybe that's Tinder.
That's Tinder. Sorry, I don't know direction. I have no idea what any of this stuff, and I don't want to know real different that we don't need bagel meats coffee Like there's coffee, yes I ever heard of I think I'm mixing up the name. But it's something like that. It's like you meet for breakfast or something. There are so many.
Listen and this is for our different podcast maybe, but it's I think it's just so sad because people don't meet each other and these kids don't get out and they don't learn to interact and meet each other at bars. And you know, I have a whole philosophy about that. That's for another episode.
Yeah, I just say, asked seven the other day if the population is dropping?
Yea.
He first of all, Evan is a freaking encyclopedia of every random fact you would ever want to know. But I asked him if the population is dropping because we were watching the show and they were just all of these and there's nothing wrong with being a childless woman in your forties, but there was just like a slew of childless women in their forties that were just very driven on their careers and like not interested in settling down and having kids at least that's what they said.
And it made me wonder, like, are we, like, is the population get a job? And he said, it's not that we're dropping yet, but like the birth rate is dropping, so population trow will come. Yeah.
But there's also that guy, Scott Galloway. I don't you ever heard of him? So he's a perser. I'm going to screw it up at an ivy league, I believe. But anyway, he talks about young men and the loneliness that they're experiencing because everybody is meeting people strictly on their phones. And these guys, these kids, you know, they put up their profile and if they're not like in the seventy fifth percentile in terms of like attractiveness, the
women just swipe by or they can't. They don't get clicks everybody's and so then their self esteem becomes affected and they're in their parents' home and they don't feel good about themselves. And I mean, he gets very deep and detailed about it, and it's very very scary about this generation of boys who they don't learn to get rejected,
have heartbreak, have a relationship, you know, it ends. They just get sort of sadder, more and more sad, and their self esteem plummets because they're on their phone getting swiped over.
Well, I can imagine that that happens to girls too.
He focuses more on the boys amenity easier, he says, for girls don't.
Well, I think I strongly believe in matchmaking. Yeah, I do. I think that a personal recommendation to somebody you know is like priceless. I do it all the time. Oh my god. I love saying you ever set people up successfully? I have?
Actually yeah, yeah, well I did it professionally, so yes. But I've also done it. I always try to do it in my personal life, like I'm always looking. It's harder for me for some reason, maybe because a woman, I have more female friends.
Yeah, I have a lot more female friends, right, and I don't even know any single men. When I do.
As soon as I meet a single guy, like around our age, my head starts to race. I'm like whipping through the roll decks of my mind and thinking, you know, who could this person work for? I A Wloulds say to Jeff, like, you know, you're not paying attention. There's no one in the firm, no one who He's like, I'm you know, working, I have things going on in my day. I'm not recruiting single lawyers. But yeah, I love setting people up.
Yeah, you know, I just don't know how I would, like God forbid anything ever happened in my marriage, Like, I don't even know where I would begin. I don't even know that I would know how to date anybody.
I don't know if i'd want if i'd want to, but I think that I would do it way better than when I was an insecure twenty something like I feel like the trick for me and this is what I did used to tell people, friends and clients, but is to not go into every situation like this could be the one. Assume it's not the one. Right, you're going out you're going to meet someone. I would never do a dinner. I would only do a coffee now
because who wants to commit that kind of time? But like go in thinking this person hopefully will become a friend of mine, and if there's no spark, maybe this person's best friend I will meet, or maybe this person has someone that they think they're not digging me, but they know someone, or like just going in it just and if it's not friends, you're just going in to
meet somebody, just shoot the shit. Why not take out you know, twenty minutes and like not it's take all the intensity off of it, right, Like it doesn't have to be your husband.
I believe in soulmates.
No, not really, no, I believe in people that you love that you feel you can't imagine life without that feel like they're part of you, but soulmates. Know, I think there's I think you could love lots and lots and lots and lots of people.
Yeah, you know, I feel like I should say no to that, But then when I picture Evan, I can't imagine not like being married to anybody else or sharing my life with anybody else. I don't think there's anybody else that could understand me, or that I could tolerate. Not only tolerate, but I like, I love being around him. I can't get enough of him, And I don't know that there's anyone else that I can ever feel that way.
You're very blessed. I feel very blessed to be in the marriage that I'm in. But realistically, I mean, I love Evan to death. I agree he's unique, but like it would have been someone else.
Yeah, I don't know, I dated, you know, I just I don't know. Well, Luckily, I hopefully I will never have to know. Yes, but I do have a lot of questions for Patty, and I'm excited so her new.
Show, Matchmaker, The Matchmaker, Yes, all right?
Is what what is it? It's on the CW. It airs Thursdays at eight PM on the CW and streams Fridays on the CW APP. I do enjoy people falling in love.
I love that too. I mean, I'm very much into the Bachelor and The Batcher. I can't I can't watch every season at some point, but those relationships never end up working out, right, watching people fall for each other?
Yeah, but is that for real?
Royal is actually I think he's just got married, but he's he was joining our Yeah, he was, grade.
He was. He did a bunch of seasons. I think at one point he was on the Bachelorette. I think he was the Bachelor. Yeah, they worked together two and he ended up marrying somebody that he did not meet from the show. I believe correct. I don't know. Yeah, we could ask Patty. I know he's a pod but I know he's very fantastic podcasts and very cute. I just feel like there are so many more single women than there are single men. I don't know.
We have to ask her if that's still the case. And that was always right, that really shitty thing people used to say, like, if you there, you have a better chance of getting hitting hit by lightning than be getting married. After women, this is for women getting married after forty five, like something.
Just well, I know that Alaska is like the worst place for a woman to be a man. Do you know about that? There's like ten women for every one man. If you're a single guy, they say, like that's the place to be. Wow. Yeah, I have to see the stats on that, But it's something crazy like that.
Why would more women want to be in Alaska? I wonder it's like the last I want to visit. I very much want to visit, but to live in Alaska it's a little cold, sunny. I can't take New Jersey. I'm like just thinking there. I can't take New Jersey, counting off the years to get my place in Florida other reasons. Yeah, well right, but let's not even go there today.
So are you kind of like living vicariously through your kids dating right now? Do they give you any feedback? Are you allowed to ask questions?
No?
I'm definitely not living vicariously through them. The last thing I'd want to do right now is date. No, not like that what you're saying, Yell, you know, it's interesting. My daughter gives me every single detail, So ask me anything about anybody that Rachel has.
That's so amazing. That means she trusts you, or maybe it means I'm.
Dysfunctional and I've raised her to be codependent. And there are a lot of different ways that you can.
Look at and then look at it the other way, Like my therapist.
Would probably say, it's now becoming like inappropriate and so and well. The other piece is that I also sort of demand it. I just I when you pummel somebody with questions, so whatever, maybe it's not so healthy, but that's just the way it is. And then in terms of my son, no, he is not interested in talking to me, and it actually annoys me because I'm not asking him crazy questions like I'm like, what was so,
how was your date Wednesday? And he'll give me this look and I'm like, honey, I'm not asking you how the sex was. I'm not asking you to like tell me what happened when you whatever, I say something completely inappropriate and he just gives me a dirty look. But like I'm just saying, did you like her?
You know?
How did how did it go? But he really just won't give up too much. But I try to also advise my daughter, and because I did go through you know, that whole world of dating and it can be very painful. Yeah, so I definitely try to help to guide her, like that whole phrase that came out how long ago sex and sy like he just made he's just not that
into you. Like to learn that early if he doesn't call you and you don't hear from him, or when you do hear from him, he doesn't ask you questions or like, he's just not that into you.
Yeah.
I had a guy tell me that he could take me out on it, he could meet up with me on a Thursday Wednesday, but that his weekends are too valuable and are just like are you do you even understand what you're saying. See back in the day, would have been like, Okay, what time Wednesday? Yeah, that is so I think that's probably what I said. I mean, that would have been so me.
And that's why I don't want Rachel, you know, to be like and but you have to live and learn that, right, And it's very easy to get caught up when you when your hormones are running wild and you meet somebody and they're cute, and you want to convince yourself that you know he is into you. And but I think that guys and will again talk to the expert about it, but just give off very clear signals.
Yeah, yeah, I think. Well, you know, nowadays everyone is more open and more vulnerable. I feel like men can share their feelings more these days. Yes, you know, it's very interesting. I don't I've only seen my father cry twice, and I've only seen Evan cry once. Wow, yeah, I haven't seen barely. Isn't that wild? I mean that's topic for another time. But like, I just feel like men nowadays are allowed to be more emotional. My son's cry.
They cry all the time, of course, but they're so baby they should be able to. Well, you know, I have two sixteen year olds, and I'm so glad that they feel like it's okay for them to cry.
Not only about like you know things that like Mom won't let me stay out tonight, you know, but like real things. They get upset about something and they feel okay crying, And I you know, I don't think that was true two generations ago, or even one generation ago.
My kid is very sensitive. But if he even starts to water up, like he's out of here, like he does not want me to see him ever. Oh really, No, way.
My kids will use my shirt as their tissues will.
Well, Rachel will do that too, yeah, yeah, yeah. And also I'd feel like it's so tricky for them right now because for my not your my kid's age, everyone is thinking marriage. And when I say everyone, I don't know about them as much. But like it's funny because all my friends we all have kids around the same age. So when one of the kids start dating someone, it's like, oh my god, Okay, where is he from? What do
his parents do? Not what do his parents do? In an anoxious way, but like tell me more about where and where do they live, because you're thinking, well, my family, I don't want I'm not going to fly across the country to see the grandkids, like you.
Can't, you know what I mean? Like you like you jump by eighteen steps ahead.
Yes, yeah, you're like you know, I mean, for us, a lot of times it's like is she Jewish?
Is he Jewish?
And I don't know my parents my kids will marry someone Jewish, but it's just my instinct to ask, you know you just like are they I check.
Out the parents now, because that's where your head goes, like this is going to be my family, Yes, and ideally you would want parents that like you can get along with. Like this weekend for Mother's Day, we had my parents over, we had Evan's parents over, and they sit in there. They have a beautiful, nice, lovely relationship. We don't encourage them to get together when we're not like involved, because we feel like our relationship is secret
and we want to avoid any kind of right problems. Interesting, but they have a beautiful relationship and they get along lovely, and like I want that too.
I want that too, but I think that relationship is again, as we know that in law relationship is hard. I mean I'm already, like I say to my son all the time, like I'm just letting you know, like we're getting Thanksgiving, Like I don't even want to hear it. So you could tell her and like I'm already pissed at her.
You can tell her, Okay, so you're going to get every Thanksgiving? Well that's what I want. I mean, we go on and off, but the past few years we've.
Well posted it's always at my house, like for my my entire family, we always have like I don't know, between thirty and forty people here.
Oh wow.
But it's like the greatest, you know, day of the year. Yeah, So I'm just teasing. Obviously, I'm gonna have to like understand that everything is not just about me and my baby boy.
So I will, I will. You know, anyway, how do we get here? We're talking about dating? I don't know, we're talking about dating. We're talking about Patty's here. Okay, guys, Oh yay, I'm so excited me too. All Right, guys, so you know Patty from Millionaire Matchmaker. You're gonna know her again from the Matchmaker. Let's bring her in. Patti Stanger.
My god.
We were talking about before you came on, how you are for us. You're iconic, I mean yes, but like yeah, but you're came way before us. You like you paved the way. I mean, I just lived and died for a Millionaire Matchmaker. It's just I absolutely loved it. I feel like we're the probably.
I don't hope.
I'm not insulting you or Jackie and or You're younger than me, but maybe around the same age. I'm fifty five.
I'm way older, but that's okay. You're older than me, Yes, I'm older, but I'm not telling.
You I'm not asking you, but you look me. I thought you were my age.
But I'm saying because I used to watch and I could like relate, you know, it was like we were sort of were you a.
Single when you watch? We single or married.
When you watch?
Yeah, I think I was single when I watched. I think, well, how many years ago?
Maybe not?
It was so long ago, but I mean it was off three seasons and I left. I left them for legal reasons because they wanted my trademark and it just didn't work out. And I had another offer, and I went to the other offer, which now today I kind of regret that I didn't stay the other office times the amount of money and a lot more of money, but it wasn't Bravo, and there is nothing like Bravo. And when you jump to other networks, it's great, it's fine.
But coming home, like high school tonight, I felt like, oh god, I miss it. I really missed Welcome See it was the wild West when we were on, you know, but I miss everybody that worked there. My cousin works there now, so nice, Like yeah, my cousin works for Kim mckaidor right now so Joe, so like yeah, so it's kind of funny, it's kind of weird. And then one of the production assistants is my one of my good friends daughter who works on Embassy row for Andy show.
So it's like, yeah, like that sort of thing watching the new shows come up.
Your new show's on CW, isn't it is on c W.
It's a very different show. It can be us and he tell us about it. You can watch this show because it's basically about the patterns that we have we keep doing over and over and again and nothing gets broken. Talk therapy is not working. So I bring in all these experts in that I know that it fixed my clients. It's true to form, it's in real time. There's nothing
re enacted. We don't write a show and we take these clients and some of them are celebrities and some of them are regular people and they're not millionaires, maybe a few, but not a lot, and the real people. So it's really exciting that CW gave me this opportunity.
Why did you go from the format being, you know, millionaire matchmaker millionaires to people that are.
Not I mean, first of all, the different show I realize, namely.
The format reverted back to me, and I could have done Millionaire Matchmaker anywhere I own the rights, but Bravo is iconic with that, and I really wanted to help everybody, like I didn't want you to have to come in and you have to have a certain amount of money for me to help you. So we're trying to come with the show. So I had to come up with another format with IPC where we really dug d. You know. It's it's more of a therapy show. I call it. I'm not a therapist, but I call it a healing show.
We're healing you of your problems and teaching the air of your way so that when you get that final date that I give you, it may not be the one, but you will test out your skill set.
Now, do you feel like in your new show you have to be more PC than you were years ago? Because the world is.
Different network, I can't curse as much. Even though they said okay, and they believe me, I'm more mellower since since Brava and he asked me that, I said, I'm way more mellower, and I'm much more deepfare a lot more compassion, a lot more empathy. I would never call a redhead out. Now. I think the men didn't like the redheads, but I watch men who sound like X and I yell at them because I'm angry that you
don't want this beautiful girl. And in a couple of weeks up agoes back two weeks episodes, this guy was using Instagram to get dates and he was pretending he was giving them photoshoots, and I was super angry. I said to the network, I don't want to do this. They said, Patty, just go through the motion. You will know what to do in the end and the audience will respond. Well. I gave him the most gorgeous girl. He now tells me she's not good enough, He's not
that hot, He's lying to women. I threw him out of the house.
Wow.
I knew if he didn't play my game and didn't learn, this was not going to work out. I just knew that.
Yeah.
I think that's so interesting, and I think it must be really difficult. I know that it is in today's social media crazy world that we're living in to help people, you know, match up. Because we were talking about before you came on, a lot of these kids, not even kids, older people are have become so dependent on these apps, right on the hinges and tinders of it all. And so it's I think that it's actually been really bad for young men's self esteem. I think it's really it, doesn't it.
Actually it's way worse for the women.
There were more what I was asking, Yeah, men are losers right now if you do not teach your teenage sons to be a gentleman from the get go.
This is where the problem is. The women are allowing them kids to live at home, you know, like it's cool to live at home now. And you know, when I was doing a lot of work with the Persian community back in La there were forty year old men driving Mercedes, having gorgeous, gorgeous life clothes, fun living at home with mommy. The girls had moved out. And I go to do a speak engagement at Nessa this temple and they're like, please tell us what to do. I'm like,
kick your sons out of the house. And they have it. In Italy a big thing called gommami onis where they live forever with their mothers. They never get married, they sleep at the girl's house, they have sex, and they're not men. So the problem starts with the men not the women. The women said. The women sets the tone of what she will accept, but it is up to the men to ask the girl out. Now women are scared of apps because the men are not being gentlemen.
There's a lot of married men online in relationships, gaslighting and playing games. I'm not blaming all men. I'm saying that the men need to be men in order to get a woman, and that is the issue.
My question is that because of social media though, and it's people are not meeting like they used to. They don't have they don't go to bars, and they don't learn to socialize, and they don't learn to make eye contact and put their phones down.
And okay, so you're getting a couple, kid.
I made fragrances for a couples, craverances, singles, gayer straight. This is the energy when you go to the grocery store, to Starbucks, whatever, you will stand there, do nothing as a woman, because a woman's most potent when she's still. But you can still use it to get jiggy in the bedroom with your boyfriend. You will be attracted to each other. So when you're talking about and going to the bars, it's because you can't taste touchtel smell. That's the bad part. But the men are using the apps
for entertainment. I tell a girl two three times say hey, listen, I'm not going to be on the app much longer. Here's my number if you want to meet me. Goodbye. If the guy doesn't call, he's not your guy. The guy calls, he's like, WHOA, No girl ever gave me your number before. This is amazing, which happened with my last boyfriend, because women just play games. But I said, stop being entertainment for them. You are filling up their left hand for them to go bigger. Better deal to
someone else, whether it's an X or someone new. You don't want to do that. You need to see right away is he interested in you? And as you're willing to make a phone call, you have to hear his voice. Women scientifically fall in love between their ears. Men fall between their eyes. So if you don't hear his voice on the phone, there's no game. So these women are texting and they're like going on dates without even talking to them or my favorite one in COVID was that
I have a boyfriend. Have you met him? No? Two years they've been texting.
Do you feel like men now are not as interested in settling down and having a family and children.
Okay, so for everyone out of ten there's a man who wants to settle down. It's the green light theory that they had on sex in the city. There are men that want to settle down and there are men who don't. Your job is to vet it. You got to keep moving like a shark. Women fall in love through oxytocin, taste, touch, smell, feel, hug me, kiss me. I am now in love. That's why it's be careful.
If you have a lot of estrogen in your body and you're not in menopause, you will get stuck to a loser just by one decent orgasm.
Or hug wow.
Men fall in love through vassuppressing. They do not fall in love through sexually. They have to be emotionally. What is that doing things together, doing hobbies, interests, learning a skill, and when stress comes, you bond together. During the stress, he will go deeper, deeper, deeper, and if more vasa pressed than he has, the more he's going to want to marry you.
Peiser, You'll think that people like people say you have to know if the man is ready or if he's looking for even if he's not. Let's say that he is a guy that doesn't want to get married. When he meets the woman who you know, makes his eyes pop out of his head, doesn't that change everything? Like I feel like guys can say all the time, I'm not ready to settle down. I just want to have a good time until they meet the woman that blows them away, and all of a sudden they are ready for those things.
Well, there's two kinds of men. They're the men that are hunting and looking for the wife. Everybody in my group is married, my parents are married. I'm tired of dating. Usually that light goes off and he's asking buyer's questions, Well, where would you want to live if we got married? What would you want to do? And he's asking them. On the first and second date, you're getting interviewed, but
you don't really is it okay? And then there's the man that's like, you know, I'm just moving along, I'm getting late, I'm having a good time. I got a girlfriend, and then boom, he meets another girl that is the perfect thing on his wish lists. Maybe it doesn't even check under the hood of the car and he's like, she's the one, So they're visual, they see what they want and they go after it. But if he's coasting with an old girl that won't put up boundaries, he's
going to keep looking. That's the bad ratify. You can never give a guy more than a year over thirty.
Do you think that it should be that a woman has to put up Well, it is, I suppose, But like, if he's not issuing to get married, I don't know, a few months later and you have to then go a year and then you start putting on bet do you.
Still want him? Like you don't, You're gonna not. Do you want to feel like you're forcing someone.
To marry you he's not invested in the experience of marriage, then you're not going to want to be with him anymore, you know. Like if he's okay, let's say he says I want to get married, but then he does, his actions don't match his words. You're not going to be it now. The self esteem girl the high self esteem goes, I don't want to be with you, and she closes her legs. The other girl goes, well, wait a second,
you wanted me in the beginning. How do I get them, I'm going to do all these I'm gonna turn myself into every self up book. I'm gonna go to every seminar. I'm going to do everything and make you. They think they're going to make themselves sexual vicxins, and all of a sudden, the guy's going to go, oh, by the most amazing organism, let's go to the altered Oh my.
God, that was me.
How many hours did I spend getting ready for a date with a guy that didn't like me? And I put so much because if I got the hair blown out and this outfit and the money and the and it just didn't work.
He just wasn't in me.
Is like with my ex boyfriend. I didn't like him on the first date and I was thinking, Okay, I'm not going to date him. And he felt the switch and because he was a hunter, we go to the valet, he pays the valet. He says, what are you doing Saturday night? And I'm like, I don't want to go out and he says, what about the Dodger game? I have season tickets? And I was like, oh, that was kind of like I make You're supposed to make a
list in when I teach people. I teach a course called Love and Money with Kathleen Cameron, and I teach my girls, make a list of the things you want to do, so if the date goes south, you got something out of it, Like I want to go to the theater, I want to go to concert, whatever. So Dodgers was on my list. I said, oh, may that's cool, we go to Dodger game. Okay, I'll go And then
he kissed me on the lips. Didn't like him on the date, didn't feel anything, and all of a sudden, my body came to life because he wasn't my type totally. He was a little out of the box. He's a little aggressive, and I just went, WHOA is that? And then he hunted me. It went wrong for various reasons
after ten months. But I was a great girlfriend and he hunted me, and I could feel the hunt and I feel he liked me, liked him, which turned me on a little bit because my mother used to say, as a Jewish mother, and my mom used to say, have the guy elects you a little bit more, just a little bit.
Understand what that means later right, it.
Didn't work out, but I learned so much at this age, which I thought nobody could teach me anything that you're still no matter that, still there's breath in your body, You're still going to be learning about yourself and relationships.
Okay, so you said he was an ex though XX.
Yeah he has a new girlfriend.
Now, so you're you're dating now currently you're single and you're dating just.
Started dating on the apps. I took a year and a half break to heal myself. It was a traumatic. He asked me to marry him and we need to get engaged. I was really close to his family and his kids. It was traumatic for me. Was exactly like my dad. He was the father wound. And my dad was a difficult person, and he is the father wound. And when I went to therapy, I do healing therapy. I don't do like talk therapy. I do body somatic stuff. When I realized it, he was the mirror image of
my father. And I was trying to heal my father like I was trying to heal my ex. There was issues there. I don't want to stay in the air for very straight. I don't want to hurt him.
And so.
He was the wound that I couldn't you know, clean you have to understand I'm adopted. My mom was married three times. She picked bad men, a lot of alcoholics. My dad was an alcoholic and she she didn't give us a safe environment. So we were always on edge, always like quick, hurry up, hunt yourself, Dad's coming home. We were scared all the time. And safety is a big critical issue for me. I have to have safety for me to spread my legs like I make them. Wait.
That's why there's no sex before monogamy, so that I can see under the hood of the car. But again, narcissists like my dad can cover their tracks and they basically can be, you know, a chameleon. Oh you love this, I love this. Yoh you want to do this. I want to do this, And like you don't know that they're they're playing you and gaslighting you. So when I went through this traumatic experience, it said, this isn't a time for me to Everyone's like, oh, go out there
and get another one. I'm like, no, I have to heal myself. So I spent the whole year. I'm just starting to date right now.
Wow. Good, And do you feel more secure? I think I read somewhere that you you look like you're thirty five. But I think I read somewhere that you're dating in your early sixties, So.
Thank you, Katie. I heard husband on the air the way. David Yatip's my friend.
Oh yes, I remember him being on your show. I do. Yeah, he's a good guy.
Yeah.
Oh oh, oh good.
It's true. It's true. But I mean I really I feel safer in one way that I know myself, but I worry about who's out there. You know, you meet these people in the apps and they're randoms like you don't know. So my best friend is Bonnie Winkler. She's the big New York time. Yes, yeah, I trained, we go way way back. She said, I'm getting you married this year. And so she just started fixing me up. And the first guy should fix me up with his next NFL player. And I said, he's cute, but he's
a little Massachusetts boring, like pep preppy. I'm not a preppy girl. I said, give him to Shannon and it'll be perfect. So we're fixing up Shannon with him.
Shannon. Oh, I love that. Oh that's amazing.
Yeah, because I really want Shannon to.
You know what I was saying to Jackie earlier, again before you came on that if I was single right now at fifty five, I think I would do it so much better because I just know so much more. And the way that I think I would approach it would be I would go out with whomever, assuming that that wasn't going to be the one, Like I would go out saying, Okay, I'm just going to make a friend.
Well that's that's the way you're dating is the way it should be. And my body doesn't respond sexually like it did one. Okay, let's talk about dirty thirties. When I was in my thirties, even I got monogamy. I always get monogamy. I was a sexual evictionent, Like the minute I saw the guy, even though I made him wait, I wanted to sleep with him. You know, my hormones ruled the roost, you know. And so now that I'm older and i'm you know, menopause whatever, I realize my
brain is working differently. I'm qualifying them more like a business deal to see, like is this a compatible match? Because you really want compatibility. At the end of the day, It's not about red carpets and travel. It's about staying home and cooking and what TV show you're gonna watch, Like Real time talking? Do we connect and talk? Do I like a smell? Do I love his touch? Like sex can be awful in the beginning, but you really like someone and you're gonna work on the body maneuvering.
You know, there's millions tonsure, there's a million things you can do. So the thing is you're looking for a compatible match. I'm also an astrologer, so I do look at astrology and there's things like that. I do have psychic energy. I read the psychic vibes of someone.
Is this whole thing?
But I make mistakes and when I love someone and they hurt me, it's hard for me to get over them. And just I'm gonna move on to the next person. Person, I'm like to lick the wounds and hide in the closet.
You know, do you so say the people asking you about like this is your job? So like a doctor, right, like you don't want all the pay, you don't want your patient saying, well, you know, tell me about your stuff and your medical conditions.
I'll tell you why. So I did a problem where I dated down financially and it's not for me, and I couldn't find the cute guy that I like sexually that had the money. I couldn't find the mismatch. There's something in my brain that couldn't register that. Also, I moved to the West Coast away from I probably would have been married, had kids in Jersey if I stayed in Jersey. And the men are quite different here than either alpha. They go after it. They're not like that
back in the West Coast that the women run. So I dated down. That caused me a lot of problems. In the beginning, it wasn't a big deal, but then they resent your success. My last boyfriend said to me, I was intimidated by your success, and I never knew it. The whole time. I was datium because I wasn't working and I didn't get my show to the end of relationship. So I thought, am I ever going to get back
on the air. I'm gonna have to focus on my regular business, maybe get into the pheromohone business, like I wasn't thinking I was going to go back on TV, and so he said he was intimidated. He also, I leave a very healthy lifestyle. He likes to drink, so he said, you know, I'm nervous about your healthy lifestyle, which, by the way, he lost twenty pounds because of me, and I cleaned him up, and so he asked me to marry him. So I had everyone asking me to
marry him. I chose not to cross that street. Like he said, let's get engaged, let's move in together, and I said, okay, let's see what happens. And I was very cautious about it. As I get older, you get more cautious. So it wasn't like I don't get offers.
I just have no.
And I feel like I've heard you say that before, but it just must be so tedious to have, Like you know, you're sitting there, you're helping people.
It's not that can't be an easy thing.
It used to hurt me when I was on a millionaire match making sure I became my metric or engaged. I came on at the end of it. I lived with my ex David a different day of it, and then I went to Wei and we I was single, so it was like I'd gotten it over and over again. And you know, if financially it's not like if even if they make less money, there are certain things that I want, like what Amanda's doing from Summerhouse, who was
on Watch what Happens with Me? She said, you know, cafes all the bills, but I buy the groceries, and you know, I get him this and I do that, and it's kind of like what I wanted, you know. And it was hard to find because La doesn't have a Wall Street so they don't make serious money. And if they're an agent or a director or producer, they're dating twenty two year olds, so they're not They're immature in their mindset, where in New York you could be at a seven or eight but curing cancer and the
men think you're amazing because they're intelligent. Here. You know, there's a lot of intelligence. I think also after October seventh, a lot of the Jewish women like me who are single or scared, we had like talks about, you know, should we all go get guns and learn how to shoot?
And you know, there's not that man protecting us, which you guys have as husbands, which you know, even if you're more alpha than them, you still got a man in the bed at night, which gives you oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine, and you get ready step for your day. We don't have that unless you probably have.
Does that make you want it? Does that make you want to date Jewish men? What happened October seventh? Does that make you want to find a Jewish man?
Or are you still I've only dated gentles?
Yeah, in the sense that our so our podcast, we always focus on women of a certain age, right, like our age, so the three of us. But in terms of meeting people now and I don't know, does the show doesn't focus on any particular age, right.
You're fixing up.
People that are getting back in the game for the first time. I don't I didn't follow the episode this week or whatever. But there was a woman a couple of weeks ago with gray hair who'd never been out of the house and terrified. And there's been women that have been raped on the show. There have been women who've been left at the altar on the show. There's like really cases because when you go to their history, you're like, how did you how did you survive that?
You know, like, do you do you have different do you give different advice though a women of a certain age, So if somebody comes to you single around our age, and we always say that our range is like from Jackie's forty seven on fifty five, but let's say from forties up into the sixties, Like what what how would you treat a female client differently that's someone in that age range as opposed to a younger.
First of all, it depending on five to do a makeover. We start with a makeover, but then we go back and we look at their history on the intake, and then I figure out where did the did the love life go wrong? Because it's a mindset thing. So you could say I'm too fed, I'm too old, I'm to this, and then the mindset takes over, and you know, law of attraction says what we focus on gross, So I'm like, we've got to change your mindset. So I said, we got to look at other people like you who are
getting what you want. So we look at evidence. We look at for evidence, whether it's somebody on TV or a friend in the group. Like if a fifty five year a woman just got married and I said, okay, well then why did she get married? She better than you, So I have to build their confidence up. After the confidence, we then do the makeover and we put them on a date, and then I refine them as they go because there are men that want women like them. This
business that men only want younger women is bullshit. I only date younger and they're only attracted to me. I try to date older. No older men picks me. It's always the younger guys.
I've tried.
Just trying a guy up. Bonnie's trying is trying to fix me up with some money from Miami, because I love South Florida because I grew up there. Half the time I went to univers to Miami, and the guys older than me for the first time because I was engaged to someone older, I live with someone younger, and that was kind of the turn. Because the men online are letting themselves go. The women look fabulous, and you look at these pictures. You're like, like, you know, I
got to go through a thousand people. When AI takes over, we will have AI matchmakers and I can retire.
When you have to deal with an older woman and you say makeover, So women of a certain age, like, what does that look like?
Makeover? We're going to do a physical makeover and a mental make up. So we're going to do look at their physical body. Do they need to lose weight? Do they need to work out, they need to change their hair color, do they need to put on a dress? You know there are people that are like live in their house brows, let their gray hair go, and they expect a man's going to be attracted at ment or visual.
There's nothing I can do. I can't change that. We're going to make the best version of them, and then we're going to do a mental internal makeover of to what they're thinking, feeling, re enacting, still stuck on the X, still angry at the AX. We have to go through forgiveness for the AX and say, doesn't mean you're you're condoning his behavior, but you must forgive him because forgiveness is for you or you're going to get cancer for.
The physical makeover piece. Have you put anyone on a weight loss drug yet?
No? But I take tars Okay. So I was on a zempic. I was the first one. It was in the Wall Street Journal. It's ever Yeah, well they celebrity wise because I was willing to talk about it. I have no fear talking about anything I do. So I was in the Wall Street Journal article and then I was on the Hulu documentary. I didn't even know, David and I were. I broke the news on David Shows show and then everybody was in shock, and I hated it got me nauseous to call my doctor. Said this sucks.
I'm never doing this again. She says, I have a better one. She goes, your cholesterol's fine line, you know, because I've genetic cholesterol. And I said, I'm gonna put you on terror zip Tide.
I put it on which is that one? That's which one is that?
That's in my journal? But it's the ingredient. It's not so I can make the vile go up and down like.
It's not. But I'm saying it's like that. It's like the that's the ingredient.
It's not. Everybody's got to stop saying they're the same. Okay, every single actress and every single person in Hollywood is on the drug. It's terror zip Tide because the other ones make you sick. Okay, So this is reducing the cholesterol. It's burning the fat. A zepicch does not burn fat. Zepic just makes you film. This makes you full. It's also curing Alzheimer's disease, and it's curing addiction. It's completely different. Drug, but I get the vile from my doctor and then
I can go up and down. So if I don't want to go on let'sn't want to go on an eating binge for two weeks. I can do that and go back, you see, and I'm not going to get sick, so I skip weeks. I'm at twenty five units. I'm at a very low dose and it's helping my cholesterol because I don't want to go on statons.
So would you put anybody? Would you recommend that to any of the like I'm taking me to every single or no, I'm saying to people on your show who have to do a physical makeover, is it do you feel like it's a different world show.
I didn't do that on the show, but they asked me after we filmed what I was on, and I told them I wouldn't. That would be that would be a c W legal question because I don't hop if I can. You know, I don't know what this.
But I think I'm just thinking about pysical makeovers, physical makeovers.
Yeah, but well I'm Eboddy asked me what I'm on now?
Today?
You heard Kelly Clarkson say she's on something by on that I don't know if she's on it, but she's on something, but she's not on nozempic because everybody gets sick on ozempic. I personally think this one is the game game changer, and there will be more ones that come down the pike. The key is where sugar is the secret. Insulin resistant is the problem. But to get your cholesterol inline and to burn a fat and not eat as much at the party, I don't drink. I'm
ten years sober because I have headaches. I have the same thing Margaret House, okay, and we can't drink and so drinking. I tell them, get off, get off drinking. You want to feel good, get off drinking, Eat organic foods, okay, walk ten thousand steps a day. Like I teach them what to do, but what they choose to do is a whole different story. I can't make them do it because we only have forty two, you know minutes in an episode. There are two people and I shoot her for three days.
Yeah's your work. Chemistry with Nick Vial is that he say it Viel.
He's very different than me, and I picked him for that reason because I want wanted him to challenge me a little bit. He's like Matthew Hussey, you know, he went through his boy stage, probably on The Bachelor. He picked his wife. She went into his DM. She's quite younger than him. She was very worried about it. But they're a great couple. They have a gorgeous kid. They're perfect for each other. And he is a softer approach.
You know.
There was a moment where I screamed and he squeezed my leg and I said, Nick, it's a TV show I have to get you know, I'm gonna get readings here like this is and I want to scream because the guy's an asshole. And Nick's like, oh, can't we just be mellow of that? I'm like, now we cannot. This is the show.
And he's adorable.
He's so cute, handsome, he's kind, and he's all that. You know.
I love that love that. Can I ask about one celebrity relationship that just confuses the hell out of me, Ariana Grande and Ethan Slater. What is that and will it last?
The rumor is her ex cheated? Oh and so I think she needed a best friend to cry on, and she is. If you know anything about Wicked, this was Arianna Grande's dream of all dreams. When she attends. She saw the show She Knows Kristin Adina Forever. She'd a special with them and they said, what do you want to play? You know, and she wanted to play Glinda. I mean it was obvious, but when they gave her the role, I think she went so immersed into this
role that she was husband cheating the rumor. And she met Ethan and maybe he wasn't getting along with his wife, and they bonded a lot of times. It's not like the best looking guy in the room, or it's not the you know, smartest guy in the room or whatever it is, but there's the friendship factor where they spend every day doing X, Y Z, and then the movie's over, and then you don't you miss the person that you
put so much intensity into. It'd be like, okay, it doesn't soaking over and you go your separate ways.
It does it last when you go in just out of like a place of like heartache and eating something.
You know, sometimes your soulmates happened when you're with somebody else. Torri and Dean had that. Even though they broke up, they were together for years, you know, it's just chemistry. But yeah, but the truth is, if I was giving advice to anybody, I'd say, chemistry needs to settle down. And when you got under the hooded car, is he kind? Is he sweet? Is he there for when you need them? And if she's getting emotional connection, this is the reason why.
And I love areas good. Yeah, I'm just I am so excited for this movie. It's my favorite show of all time. And I'm also a witch. I've been practicing witch since I'm sixteen.
Really, okay, that's a little scary, you know, it's been real.
I study with Patty Nagri, who's my apprentice and my priestess, who's on Ghost you know, Ghost Adventures. She is the medium which on that biggest witch in the United States. She's one of my best friends. And but I only do good things. I'm a white witch.
I don't say good, good, good good. Listen, we got enough problems in Jersey. I am so excited about I'm studying.
Right now with the Romanian Witches, which are the biggest witches in the world. Patty just went to meet with them and you can catch them on YouTube and they're amazing.
And here I thought the biggest witches in the world New Jersey, right, So.
Romanian witches do major witchcraft, dark magic and light magic to get rid of ancestral spells, like we all have ancestral lineage, and they clean up your vibration and they clean up the path so that the next generation doesn't repeat the patterns of the sins of the Father. And they're fantastic witches. They're working on me right now. They're amazing.
Give them our number, Let's get them on the pod.
Them on your show. They're on YouTube. I'll try to find them and I'll.
Say, please do fascinating. Well, congratulations on your new show. We are so excited to.
On your podcast.
Thank you, Thank you so lovely talking to you and meeting you.
Thank you.
Oh my god. I feel like she said a lot of things that I'm going to think about in the car ride home.
She was giving us so much so quickly. I couldn't almost like start to take it all in absorb it.
Yeah, but I still maintain that She'm glad that I'm not in the dating pool.
Right, Yeah, yeah, me too. She's very she is very charismatic. There's something about her that you're just like I. I just sort of because I just sort of felt like I was in a trance.
Well, she's very confident, Yes, she's definitely very confident. She's got a lot going on.
Yeah, but just you know, a lot of like at our age, I feel like, how important is the physical make over at this point?
Does it really matter?
Question?
Yeah? Because witchcraft, I know that there's like they're witch Well, I'm not judging her. I think it's amazing when you find there's because they're like, right, there's witches and that they're dark. I think they're involved in like the dark. I don't I.
Don't know if that necessarily means bad magic, but sort of like for what it does for me is absolutely nothing.
I don't. It creeps me out. I have no interest. So the only time I would like us to have someone on, I think I know that woman Carlton right, Carlton Gebbia, I don't know. On Beverly Hills, like eighteen seasons ago, she was a witch. I don't know. I mean she she did like some kind of I can't remember what it was called, but it was some kind of witchcraft. Is it witch is psychic? Is that kind of the same things? Everybody who can.
I guess it's somebody who maybe the people that get the little things that the people and they put the pins in them.
No, that's voodoo. That's voodoo. Is that a witch?
Though?
I don't.
I don't think so. I don't know. Well, I think that's a just it's not nice to do that. Yeah, I don't think that's not nice, none of them. That's true. I tried exactly, just kidding. Well, anyway, this was wonderful. I really enjoyed talking to her. And I want to watch the show. So the show, her new show, The Matchmaker, is on the c W and Thursdays at eight pm, So I'm going to watch. I'm going to watch too. I'm actually very excited about it. And uh yeah, okay, John Fessler, all right, you guys.
Jackie Goldschneider, you guys, thanks for listening. As always, we appreciate you.
See you next time.