Spotted: Captain Underpants (The Valley Recap)

Two Teas in a Pod. It's Teddy Mellencamp and camera Judge.

Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of Two Teas in a Pod with myself, Teddy Mellencamp and Damna Judge.

What's up?

I missed you so much?

Oh? I want to hear about that.

She apparently wasn't ready for Hi. Welcome to another episode of Two Teas in a Pod.

She's like, what's that all about?

It?

Because I always say her name?

But I love her.

I love her too, I mean I think I might see her. I'm going to New York on Saturday.

Rude, I'm going to be at Wango Tango.

I'm really bombed. This is the last minute trip to New York and I really wanted to go to Wango Tango. But but how are you feeling?

Everything good?

I'm good. I'm happy to be done filming likes. That's my exciting news. And I am, of course, every time I fly, I get six, I'm starting to have a sore throat and I'm.

Like, come on, I'm just I.

Don't have to film and now I'm going to feel like shit for a little bit. So I don't whatever it is what it is, But yeah, very excited to be done. It was probably one of I know you missed the entire time I was filming this season.

I know we haven't.

I'm actually kind of excited because we didn't get to chat.

Really, I'm not going to tell you anything that happened, but I want you to be totally surprised. Roughest year ever for me.

But also I think it's going to be fun. I'm excited. I'm excited.

Oh, it's going to be so fun.

My only question is, do you think you're going to get the first seat?

I don't know. You never know until you walk out on that stage. Never never, never know.

I do, but I don't know who's going to get the other first seat, and I know you can't tell me. But anyways, we've got to recap the Valley Season two, episode four.

This is a struggle for me. I'm not gonna lie because of the fact that I have jet lag, and I was just like, I'm trying to stay awake.

Yeah, I got up at.

Three o'clock today, three in the morning because me too.

But I'm not even jet lag.

But the hell well, I mean it's not uncommon we you and I are early risers.

But three was just titch to early.

Anything before four point thirty. I don't want to get out of bed, even if I'm awake. I just lay there.

But today I'm like, Nope, up yet, Adam. Well, this starts with the trip as well. The group prepares to leave for their Santa Barbara trip. Aaron asked Michelle if she's having second thoughts about going.

It's a step up from Big Bear and now where they went last year, well.

Where they stayed. I mean, this place looked amazing. I would want to go there.

Oh, it did look amazing like last year. Big Beer's a pretty sleepy town. That's why I like going there to escape. But I'm like, I don't know that I want to film the whole trip there. But yeah, Santa Barbara. I'm having a problem with Zach.

Hold On, we're not even to Zach yet, because Michelle then asking, I know, but Michelle asks it says anything could happen with Jesse.

I wish Michelle would talk about something others.

Other than Jessie.

I can't even get to know, Aaron.

I have a question, Yeah, you pick me. I saw that you were talking with Jesse's girlfriend at that Red carpet event.

I was, And you want to know what you were wrong about?

What I like her?

I know, but you were wrong about who you thought she potentially had a make out with.

Oh I never asked who wasn't you can't.

Say, I can't say who it is, but it was not who you thought.

Well shocker that I was wrong. Shocker, complete shock.

But yeah, they were at the same cancer event. And she's always been super nice.

Yeah.

I think she just doesn't want to have any thing to do with reality television.

She had a lot of nice words to say about you. I was dming with her, very very kind person.

Oh nice. But then get into your Zach thing. I'm picking you again.

Okay, pick me. I mean when I don't know, I just feel like anytime Zach opens his mouth just I don't know, it's just something out hit me. Just kind of bothers me.

Know why, because everything he says feels like an audition.

Yeah, Like he's always like trying you're on the show. Don't try so hard, like just let it let it flow, let it.

Kids say clipping such a try hard.

It's too me.

Yes, it's too much, Zach. Just calm your tits. Just calm him.

Down, your to pay and just relax a lot.

I need to know if that is truly a two pay because they obviously talk about it.

But if I ever see him, I'm gonna go up and be like, I'll let you touch mine if you I can.

Touch you, or don't do that, because remember Kim Zolesiak years ago was sitting in front of me and I was like trying to act like I was grabbing her wig to pull it off.

I don't know where where was she sitting in front of you?

What happens live? Something I don't know.

Oh well, that on live television might have been a little bit of broth. But if I'm just I don't think I'm gonna be on live television with Zach anytime soon.

But if they're on live television, you're been telling your husband that you're ovulating. It's time to get it in. Get it in. Like Nina, I was gonna call her Nina Nia and Danny, I mean she wants another baby. She's gonna be like Hilaria, she's got three already. They have twins and then like little twins, and then one is a little bit older, and now she's pregnant. Now, I don't think she's had the baby yet. She's just she's pregnant, like she got pregnant after krist and I believe.

Oh my gosh, there's a lot of pregnancy.

They're very normal couple on that show.

No they're not. It's gonna take a big turn.

Yes, no, I get into this group.

Danny's gonna be because Danny. So this is all very bizarre. But Danny met Jack's through Edwin.

Wait wait, wait, say that again. Danny met Jacks. What the is Edwin hanging out with Jacksonville.

This was a long time ago, but.

Edwin, Edwin knew Danny because they went to church together and Danny I was gonna say, Jackson.

Didn't go to church with Edwin, right, No, but Brittany.

Goes to that same church.

I think, so AnyWho Edwin invites a bunch of guys always to the Rams games. Oh and so I think one time he had invited Danny and Jack's at the same time, or.

Jack's maybe Jack's was just there.

I don't know if they were on an invite basis, but they were all in the same area.

They became friends.

This was a couple of years ago, and then that's how Danny and Jax became.

Danny seems very normal, they're really me is just absolutely stendally beautiful.

I mean, I think we're going to see a complete different side.

Is he a dirty bird?

No? I think Danny is the worst drunk than us.

I don't think that's possible.

I think it's possible.

I mean it's right up there with me, you and Kyle from Summerhouse.

Oh yeah, because we already saw that he's done some inappropriate things while drinking. That tops us, and I think it's gonna get a little bit worse as we go on. But any who, she's ovulating. But then when we find out that he's leaving it.

Those words I never have to say about myself ever. Again, let's I'm not.

I don't know if this is a side effect from treatment. From treatment, My tits are humongous, like they can have their own zip code. They're falling out of the bra I'm like, it was to the point where I was like, please, am I ovulating? But that keeps happening. The boobs are gy norms.

You can't tell off.

This is off scut off topic. But has that affected your cycles and stuff? Being on all that I don't know. I haven't had a I haven't had a cycle. Well then then that did it obviously affects it?

Then yeah, I have not had And I don't mind if this is on there, but I haven't had I've had I mean, sorry guys for tm I, but if you are also going through immune therapy and radiation, like I've had one day where I like spotted, I've had that a couple of times, but like I haven't had a full.

P Oh, it's probably from your immunotherapy. Probably the medications, yes, oh ye, and you're on a lot of medications. So I went to my finally got into my skin check. I couldn't see my normal doctor because I went in because that spot. Maybe I should that spot in my back. They removed it and buy it. They're gonna buy ups yet, but she let's do a full skin check. And then so I saw her associate and she's like, how's teddy.

Oh, thank you.

I know.

Well, it's thank you for telling me.

Yes, you're doing good work out there, just being open and honest. And when I see that comment, why are you talking about it? You know, stop get off a social media I'm like, I can't hold back from saying she's helping other people, asshole.

And also I like, if I.

Would have gotten my skin checked, and if I would have done proper checks, I wouldn't be in this situation.

Yeah, and like the.

Or maybe I would have been, but I would have caught it earlier.

She's a lot of people that have had melanoma are coming back in Like for me, I'm like, can you make sure you check that spot? Make sure you know? And I had removed and she's like, no sign of it. But I did have three biopses, but I don't think there's anything, you know, no big deal.

Yeah, Well, thank you for saying, I mean, and this is melanoma Awareness month, so it's very important that we talk about it. And I'm excited that I am feeling good today. Yesterday was not a good day. But you know, sorry, we got sidetracked because we have to do it. Let's do an ask ask us questions pod.

Oh yeah, let's do that. Well, We're going to be together on Friday, which I'm really excited about.

Oh my gosh, I'm so excited. We can't even tell you, guys.

Like Friday, but I'm really excited.

We got to make some tiktoks. We're going to do all the things that day.

We're going to do so many things and then we're going to buy the end be.

Like, oh we done yet? No, I miss you.

I miss you too. So they're on the road.

Zach says his partner is going to move to so Cow for two months.

This is there's a lot of Zach this episode. Benji Benji, Benji.

Flat Benji, Like Matt Stanley when he's carrying him around. I'm like, stop it, make it stop, make it stop, making.

Stop not funny.

Then Jack's is rage texting Brittany during his fifteen minute breaks in therapy. Hold on, I want to know what rehab you can go to and have your phone, because I've even been to a wellness retreat to rehab.

No, I did not go to rehab.

But when I was in the hospital, No, we took your phone away from you, especially Matt.

Yeah, but when I was in at a wellness retreat once, they took my phone away.

So the fact that where the hell is he that he can get fifteen minute breaks to rage text?

Yeah, I don't know. Was he there the full time?

I think he was there at that full time.

But then Jesse says Michelle hasn't even looked at him, And then in the confessional, Michelle says she plans on avoiding Jesse on this trip. I'm like you to please start talking about anybody else. I'll do anything to not have you talk about each other, or just get back together and let's fight.

Well, Michelle knows how to suck the air out of every scene she's in. It's always like, oh, and and and and I think she's Ai.

I've i've you think she's actually an Ai.

She's actually an AI? She just no what Well?

I just wish she could sometimes laugh at her alone, very m M.

Stoetic. Is that the word just stoic? Stoic? That's it?

What's so betatic? Nothing?

That's nothing. That's just a word I made up. It's in the blonde. We should make a blonde dictionary.

So I have to wait. But I'm not actually blonde. We can tell by my little roots. Now that's all right. But I love that I touched my wig as if this the these my ombree.

You get good with the wig situation.

Thanks, I got better the wig fairy she's sitch.

Yeah.

But also I was very confused as they're heading to go, I'm glad we cleared it up. But they're all like binge drinking, and then they're like, we're gonna.

Go drive cars.

I know. I was like, what the hell is going on? And why what's with all the outfits? So they're in Santa Barbara. The group's changed into all their race car outfits, and I'm like, wait, they're drinking and now they're gonna get in cars and go on. Like I thought, it was a very dumb event.

I'm but then we get there and then it became even dumber because then it was they were doing little.

They're like doing sprint car racing like electric like little remote control cards, and I'm like, seriously, we're doing this right now. And they're all dressed like Mario and.

Well, and then Jesse's passing out white flags. Meanwhile the entire group is like red flags. I'm like, yes, we need what's happening here?

I mean the irony of Jesse handing out a white flag in itself right there. But I don't know.

He's not bugging me yet.

The Stan is also ovulating this weekend. We have a lot of ovulation going on in that house and h and Janet's saying, I've never been to NASCAR race. I'm white trash, but I'm not that white trash. I take great offense to that, Janet, because I go to NASCAR.

Nascar is the first most expensive sport there is.

It is. Yes, Yes, Eddie and I go to all. We go to the funny cars, we go to NASCAR. We do it all.

Then there's headlines starting to come out about Jack's checking into treatment, and Britney says to the group, She's like, hey, guys, please make sure that you don't tell Jacks because he's already raged checks me and clearly when he's raged chexting her.

You can see that she's texting back.

She's not.

She engages in this and then complains about him. Brittany block Jack's number until he checks out a treatment like she feeds into his bullshit. It doesn't help the situations.

It's because it's a toxic relationship.

Well get out of it.

But then she says, please please, no one tell them, and then Jesse's like, who, what do you mean?

Wanted to keep him posted on our trip?

And between Jesse's still inviting Michelle on this trip and then texting Jax to let him know he's real excited about this trip.

Yes, I I have to ask you a very serious question. Yes, what do you think about Jesse's very small nipples.

I don't mind small nipples.

I'd rather that than the big big that than the big puffy ones, the puffy ones, the big.

Puffy like the guys that take steroids. It's a dead giveaway, and then they get pimples on their back. Yes, and the roids Royd nipples.

I don't mind.

I don't mind small little nipples. I do mind shirts being unbuttoned. That load, Jesse, when you're listening, you could have just gone up one.

Moe was it Jesse that sometime during this episode took his pants off and he had on baggy gray butt huggers.

Full butt undies like like but they were baggy. They were like my nursing or like my post pregnancy.

I mean, maybe Matt and Kayden enjoyed it, but I did not enjoy it at all, like Gray, like who wears gray? Baggy?

Also, you know, Jesse, here's the thing, like how I just speak directly to Jesse because I know he listens.

Jesse.

The problem with Gray is it picks up everything so like you know, sometimes you pee and then you probably shake your Maybe he's one of those white pops.

You're going there and then it's gonna.

Leave that little circle.

Oh god, no, no, no, no, wonder Michelle left.

Just kidding, just kidding, No, But I wonder if those underwear are trending?

Are they? I would know I haven't seen eddiewhere in but huggers, and I know maybe you can ltk them?

He elt Jesse should ltk them?

No, you should?

Oh you know, I'm not.

Gonna put I would I beg you to put a picture of him in his underwear and then put a link and then tag him in it. Please do it.

They were just sagging a little bit in the in the but in the booty, the booty.

Maybe they're old.

You need new underwear, Jesse, You get fresh, new outfits for everything. But AnyWho, then Brittany and it like starts to get a little bit more dicey as they start this competition race, Jesse gets back into just talking about Michelle spreading rumors about his friend. And then apparently Jesse's friend is also threatening Michelle with a lawsuit.

With Jesse's friend is threatening Michelle with a lawsuit? Do we know why?

Oh? The friend, I know the friend, that friend, the friend, the bay Watch friend, not the bay Watch friend, but the bay Watch friend of a friend.

The bay much Yeah, yeah, I get what you're selling.

Yeah, you get what I'm putting out there, Jesse.

Did Jesse know that Michelle was cheating for two years or and he didn't care?

Or oh remember what you're doing it? Kristen told him he last year, Kristin.

Cheating on you for over a year. We don't know.

If it's true or not. She claims it's not.

However, her daughter says, I love you to her boyfriend.

So just Michelle never showing any emotion is just so bizarre to me. It's like, hello, do you have a pulse in there is something going on? Do we need to change your batteries?

Every time I watch her, I'm like, I need I miss botox so much I really now. Look, I have full movement everywhere. It's disaster. I mean, if there were bigger things. Then Jesse defends his friend by saying Michelle shouldn't have been cheating on him, and then Janet responds that if she were married to Jesse, she would be cheating on him too. Listen, I'm really trying to give Janet a chance this season, but nothing she says or does really lands to me.

I know why.

It's like she's trying to get a moment. It feels like somebody playing dress up on TV.

WHOA, There's just something that's missing. I can't put my finger on it. Sometimes I'm like okay, Janet, Yeah, okay, and then I'm like, no, Janet.

No, I find myself going where's Stacy. I know I want Stacy so bad.

She's gonna have her own show. She's gonna have her own show.

But oh she is? Yeah, isn't she one? Pumps Villas or something like that. Right now.

Yeah, there's gonna be a whole Vander pump Villa crossover between the Mormon Wives and.

Stacy. It's gonna be I mean, I'm excited to watch that show.

But epic.

It sounds really good, then iconic. Please you know how I feel.

At Santa Barbara, they're back at the house, Zach and Janet talk about their friendship.

We can just fast for this party.

Wanh wanh.

Production told you, guys, make up and shut up about it, because if not, Zach you have you can't go on the next trip.

And Zach, if you go on the next trip, I'm asking you, I'm begging and I'm pleading with you, don't ever cry again.

I take a break from crying. Let somebody else cry.

I couldn't take him serious in those tears. Do you think he was being sincere?

Yes? I think he's very emotional, But I don't think he's emotional about his friendship with Janet.

I think he's emotional about Janet. She's such a Janet God.

Maybe maybe Zach's populady, maybe that's why he's trying so much.

But I think he's emotional because he really wants to be on that show. And that's where everything stemstorms, which really bugs me. But then don't you worry they bring in a healer.

Oh yeah, that healer really worked.

That healer.

I mean the fact that Britain spiritual Guide sorry spiritual Guide ceremony.

Yeah, they can't even stop laughing.

Before this, Kristen is and this part I fully felt Kristen's crying. Know who really came up this episode, even though I can't remember his name, Kristen's boyfriend, Luke Luke Luke.

He was really like because he let it. He was leading everything and now right now we will be having this and then after that we'll have dinner at two o'clock and at three o'clock.

Yeah, he was just he may have been the only one not hammered, but he he narrated this episode for us.

So we appreciate you, Luke.

We need a narration because it's hard to follow without, so, oh thank you, Luke.

Gotta have some information what so one of my girlfriends text me and said, oh my god, I'm watching The Valley and that Michelle girl that that's dating Aaron. He was hitting on me. He wouldn't leave. Yeah, no, Aaron the nice guy. Supposedly he's creepy. She needs to go and I go, well, so should.

His eyes make me a little nervous?

Oh? I never noticed?

What do you mean?

Serial killer?

Allegedly?

I don't know why people don't like us, Teddy, I really don't. So I don't know or do they like you right now? They just don't like me.

No, they're not gonna like me for long, I'm sure.

So what we do find out is they're you know, they're all on this spiritual guide. I do feel for Kristen in this moment because she's emotional. I would be too, and I remember going through you know, IVF and not having things go the way that I want, and I can I you put your so much pressure on yourself and then filming on top of it.

I'm sure she's devastated, But.

We're happy now because she is finally pregnant and she deserves all the things and shouldn't. She's pretty close to.

A do date, right I think so? I think so.

But then Jason offers support to Jack's in the circle. This is after a lot of additional things happened that involves oh, Zach, But I'm able to we're at.

The gratitude circle, the gratitude circle.

So at the gratitude circle, what about how Jesse refuses to participate in the gratitude circle?

Come on, Jesse, don't be a little bit.

And then why did you have to pick Michelle when you had the ball thing? Which the ball thing?

Just I know these two can't leave each other alone.

It's like I asked the Lauris this last week, do you think there's still low No, I think.

They freaking hate each other and they're like, and we're not only we're getting divorced, we're stuck in this damn show together.

But we both have to do the show because we both want the money and the fame. Hello, exactly should we touch on the fact that Zach did say the comment about Janet losing her baby off camera and Britney told.

Her, oh, and then he cried again, right again. He's like, way to have my back, bitch, But.

Like, I didn't realize that was off camera because they've talked about it so much.

But Janet tells him, you know, in.

The conversation, Brittany told me about this, But well, it just goes to show that.

Brittany will do anything for television.

Well that too, but I think Brittany's like, Okay, I don't know about this guy hair.

But then he said he was blacked out, and then I and then the Brittany also said that he almost had to get escorted out of Jackx's I mean, what do you have to do to almost get escorted out of jacket?

He almost or he did?

I don't know because we don't have it on camera.

Damn it.

Why did they have to leave? Really? That means it was like post filming film.

Like the film, that's when the drinks really start going heavy and then this shit really goes down.

And I'm sure Janet's known that the whole time, and so just like let it go. He didn't say it on camera, he didn't say it publicly. He was a hot mess obviously, just bitch like Zach, the fact that I have your side on something, Do I think what you said is okay?

Absolutely not.

But hammered at the end of the night off camera is completely different than saying it on camera.

Yeah, but we saw Jesse get emotional too. He's in the circle talking about his toxic situation. Then he passes the bottomshell like you said, and She's.

Like, huh what, No, she doesn't know what she's supposed to do.

She doesn't what's supposed to do. And then Jesse starts crying.

He starts crying, and he gets up and leaves. Then we see the indies. But then Jan now.

Where we saw the undies. I couldn't that. I tried to sell and I tried to black out when I saw that you tried to. I tried to black out.

You tried to I think.

That's where I fell asleep in my chair. I'm like, oh, call what am I watching?

Yeah, But in the midst of this, I'm like, hold on, I have a question. Also, Jason brought up the jacksing, But then is he also the one that goes and checks on Jesse. He's doing a lot with keeping the friend group together?

He is? He is, He's not really. He doesn't talk a whole lot on this show.

No, I don't think he talks a whole lot in general. But he's getting shit done. He's moving storyline, which is that's what people forget.

We need that, we need someone to move storyline.

We need He's trying to move storyline. And then there's Jesse that tells him get the cameras out of here.

But I know, Jesse, you broke the fourth wall there. I don't like it. Breaking the fourth wall for.

Anybody listening is when you speak directly to production when you're supposed to be talking to the person that you're talking with, And that is very Foreboden for Bolden for Bolden more serious version of forbidden.

I think bidden. I mean, the thing that bugged me is like, is there any good moments with Michelle and Jesse ever?

I haven't seen one.

But also, is there any moments where Jack's even in rehab and his recap he has on his Jack's Grill show?

You know he's I mean, because Jack's hat, his sweatshirt, everything, and I guarantee you he's got it on right now.

But why didn't he send us one? Because I would have worn it. I don't somebody sent me this shirt too much, probably didn't like us, But no, shit shocker. Is he his bar still open?

Yes? Now, when he said like he was ragy texting and he said something like, you took this away from me, you took my job away from me. Is he talking about the job of filming?

Yeah, I think he's talking about the show the show.

That's why I like, you took my job away from me, and and so it's her fault is And I think he thinks it's her fault maybe because she threw out the cocaine.

I think yeah, because I think from whatever two episodes ago, when the whole cocaine thing came up, I think.

She already going to rehab anyways before she even Yeah, but I.

Think he couldn't leave.

I think if it was just their fight, I think he would have left rehab. But once the cocaine addiction came into it.

Do you I think you went to I'm trying to figure out why he thinks she took his job away. Do you think Brittany went to producers and said or production company and said he is lit on cocaine all the time, and they're like, listen, go to rehab, fix yourself, buddy.

No. I don't think they told him he had to. But I think if you have two eyes, you probably know.

When he was on cocaine.

Yeah, And I would assume he is so frustrated because she's filming and he's not well.

It's so frustrating to me when somebody has a problem or they did something to create a situation that they blame the other person. Blame the other person, like why didn't he go? You know what, maybe if I didn't do cocaine and he was drinking and being an asshole, I wouldn't be in rehab and then you're blaming on somebody else. So I'm just going to put it out there. I don't think rehabit is going to work for him because he doesn't take any responsibility whatsoever.

Well, I think there are also those two need to stop talking full stop for a bit. Also, did you see this on the world Wide Web where somebody posted like that she looked beautiful or something like that, and then he DMed them, No, she doesn't actually look like this.

It's photoshopped.

Are you serious?

Yes?

What a asshole?

I'm sorry, just let her be God? Why do and what did he get out of that?

Like? And then Zach commented like it's you know, stay out of it, like it's he commented something having Britney's back, But like, honestly, Jack's just what do you care? You've cheated on allegedly cheated on her a million times? What do you care if she sent a couple nudes to somebody, And what do you care if she photoshops some pictures to make herself feel a little better.

I mean, what God doesn't put a little filter on her face.

I mean if we don't think that we've added some filter. If we had the Kardashian filter for our podcast cams, I'd use it.

We would be beautiful.

We would be completely.

Our skin afore, we would not have anything. I wouldn't have this hair that's all burnt off. Would just be amazing, you know what.

Things would really be grand. But anyways, we will be back later this week. We have special guests and we'll be potting together in person, which is always exciting for us.

But can't wait.

Thank you guys for tuning in, and we're going to be watching all the shows and we're going to be covering Mormon Wives, Secret lives of Mormon Wives.

I'm almost through the first season, so good.

Yeah, you got to you better get through that for so good. We can recap season two and be unplaying episode six.

I'm gonna watch the rest tonight.

You're gonna love it.

And I love the metamorphos thing they do between season one and season two.

They all have darker hair because darker hair is more in style now.

Yeah, do you see this?

You're rooted.

I'm rooted, can't.

That doesn't actually work for me in real life, but it works for me on wigs. But thanks you guys, thanks for tuning in, and we'll be back later this week

Mhm