Diamonds in the Rough: The Roast of Teddi Mellencamp

Welcome to another chat GPT roast roast from Diamonds in the Rough and Erica's already laughing because we're roasting me. I knew they would have more goods to roast me.

Well, okay, look we did. We roasted Erica Jane myself.

I love when you talk about yourself.

Well, I sometimes I have to because it's such a disaster. You don't want to believe it's herself, which is what chat GPT said. So we're here this week a roast AI roast of Teddy. You ready, Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, here's the bio Tedday Medaling Camp is what happens when a fitbit gains sentience and signs with CIA. She joined The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills to bring honesty and accountability, but ended up offering all the charisma of a protein shake.

Those are so charismatic, I know.

Daughter of rock legend John Mellencamps, Teddy somehow turned her VIP lineage into a business model that's fifty percent toxic positivity and fifty percent toxic productivity and zero percent fun. Her personality is calendar app. She made accountability a brand, then forgot to include flavor of flexibility or an actual personality. And when she's not harassing you via text message, she's

Exact, well, no, it's a forty five minute walk, and then forty five minutes of judging somebody else on one of our pops.

This is true. So I will say I don't really necessarily agree with all of this because you know, okay, it's okay, because it was no no no, it's no no no. But the judging you about the forty five minute walk, yes, I do, okay, taglines, I bring the accountability even if no one asked for it.

I'm so disappointed in myself for using the word accountability. I didn't really even know what that word was.

But I just wait, you didn't know what it meant? No, ted you like burned it into our brains.

Because I was saying health and fitness coach at the beginning of filming and yeah, like, no, you need to say something else, so they told you so. Then No, I did what Matt told me. Matt told me.

To say accountability is your fault?

Yes, you think I would come up with a big word like accountability for fuck's sake?

All in by Teddy?

That was by Matt.

Wow.

All In by Matt has got me in a lot of trouble.

Wow. So you didn't know what that?

No, we were in the limo.

Do you know that every time they say accountability on that show, all I can think about is you me too? You need to be accountable. I'm like, no, no, no, we already did that, like a few years ago. I'm doing that anymore.

No. I remember exactly what happened. I was in like one of the cars and I'm like, shit, we're going to I think Camille's when she still lived at the beach.

Yeah, Camille's house outside.

Wherever it was. I mean, this is first season and you guys were grilling me about what I did for a living, and I'd already done kind of like one of those awkward Beverly Hills photo shoots outside on like Beverly Boulevard, like pretending it.

But I'm in the car, I asked.

I asked, Matt, I'm like, hey, they keep wanting me to change health and Fitness coach. What did I say? But that's what you were, I know, and he said, say, he goes, well, you could say accountable. I mean, he gave me like twenty options and.

You chose accountability.

And I was like, oh, accountability makes sense.

Oh my god, do you hate it now?

Now I hate it? But I loved it then. It was brilliant. Until I was the least accountable.

I was gonna say, yeah, then it kind of it kind of you went down the tubes on that one day.

Then everybody thought that I was accountable to everything. And that's why, See, this is why when you.

Make a statement like that on one of these shows, that it becomes like like the roast last week, me being cold, like I'm never you know, like that's forever or contempt or whatever, like it's one of those things you'll never get away from that.

I'll never get away from it. And the fact that people think I want to get away from being daughter of rock legend John Mellencamp. No, wouldn't you wish well?

I was going to say, that sounds pretty fabulous to me, considering I didn't even have a dad, So like, it's pretty pretty fucking great.

I have a funny story about the Koogs. So last week I go and do that that event with Kyle right, and this band comes up to me and they're like Teddy Joe and it's a little big town. Uh huh wow, yeah, I thought see.

And the cool thing is people don't know this, like Teddy knows everybody.

And they remember me from I was a little kid, and like it's not like I got anything out of it. I don't even ask them for a photo.

But they know from the time you were a child.

Like I don't want to take back those memories and I don't want to be that person that has to run up and be like, hey, excuse me, excuse me, sue me like I do for Cruise as friends begging for autographs. Oh like if cruse Is gets excited about a celebrity. Clearly they have they don't know who John Mellencamp or me, are you or anybody they as demographic is. But I will run up to like like a YouTuber,

Like, excuse me, I'm sorry, my son is a picture.

But yeah, little big towns like Teddy Joe.

Oh wow, that's cool, that's cool. I didn't know YouTubers.

That's what kids like these.

I know, I know, born into fame, but I'm still trying to find my spotlight.

Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm fine with that.

I keep people accountable because being fun was never an option. Still. Wait, oh, fitness guru by day, Reality TV filler by night.

You know what a filler is? Like a fluffer. It's a job that's necessary.

You mean, like a porn fluffer. Yeah, oh my god, somebody's got to do it, okay. Instagram Feed her Feet is a dizzy mix of workout videos, wellness infographics, and forced force relatability captions like just a reminder you're doing great, said while flexing on a beach at five am. It's giving gym teacher energy, but make it influencer. Every post is either a sponsored Jim selfie or a motivational quote

I unfollow my friends that do essential oils.

Actually, you have friends that do essential oils that sell.

Them and then you one time buy them and then you can never get out.

Yes, like a pyramid oil ski.

Yes, I'm done with it. Wow to unfollow some people.

And let's not forget the infamous photo with her dad, John Mellencamp that had fans cringing at the thirst level.

Know what I did? I put my leg up. I know what photo it is?

Was your dad mad?

No, my dad wasn't mad, but everybody else I was. You know how I do my leg like?

Yeah, you always got your knee popped.

I popped my knee next to my dad, But it looked super high because my dad maybe isn't the tallest, he's notive.

He's not a and you're little Johnson. Maybe John's a little smaller. Okay, you ready for your five year plan no liter one live, right, we got that. We check that off. Five year one live.

You're laughing a little too hard for the people that work with me.

Okay, you're one. You know what? I Oh my god, ah life, Jesus fucking Christ, you're one. Uh And by the way, because you said that, like last week when I saw this five year planets, the first thing I know, well, because it's the first thing I thought, I was like, launch all four dogs? What launch all in dogs? A pet accountability program? Every doodle in LA is now on a green free diet and doing burpies at the dog park fountains.

Kind they missed a joke here, that's actually can Lucy Juicy Apple Goosey could have been a part of the program.

Lucy Juicy Apple Juicy, not Lucy Goosey. I tried to block it out.

I don't know, I you have.

Much more important things to me. I blocked it out myself.

And I would never want to run dogs accountability dogs.

Right, But the doodles need it, their duals need to accountability because there are owners.

Would you want me to be your dog's accountability?

Actually, my dogs, my all of my dogs are well. Then of Thiago are fucking flawless. My dogs are because they just they're not allowed. Year three joins another reality TV show gets voted off first again.

Why for winning?

By the way, I saw Cynthia Bailey we were in Portaveyarta last week. Yeah, she said that you were you want a big brother with her?

I was on Big Brother Wall.

You know. She had the nicest things to say about you. Also too, She said they blew you out first because they knew you were good, well, because they.

Told me and I even had asked. They said, don't do well in the first competition, but you know my ass.

Yeah you're so competitive, But she said no, they they shipped you out right away because you were a threat.

Yeah, which, you know what, But I still don't mind it. Really. Even my son roasted me, He goes, Mom, you got kicked out again first, and that I got kicked out again first for the that we both went No. Name that tune, Oh.

Name that name that tune. I lost one America one. You become a motivator speaker, but audience finds themselves more motivated to leave.

Okay.

Year five, Oh God, here we go. Two teas in a pod. Rebrand says two Teas one echo Chamber. Each episode, Tamra and Teddy are agreeing that they're always right, occasionally broken up by two hundred ADS for CBD gummies and vaginal lasers. That that is a good once.

This should actually be our new This.

Is actually that you should actually we should actually take this because that is kind.

Of too tease. Hi, welcome to another episode of two Teas in a Pod where we rebrand as an echo chamber. We're always right, always wrong, and we want to promote your CBD gummies and vaginal lasers.

Up to two hundred ADS. We have up to two hundred ADS space. I have up to two hundred adds space. Okay, overall thoughts, Teddy Mellon Camp is like the Parsley Garnish on The Real Housewives plate. I hate present, I hate Parsley nobody e's it present, but not adding much flavor. She's the human equivalent of Jim Waiver of the Gym Waiver form SI maybe, but no one's excited to engage. Oh my god. She calls herself real but lests me honest. She's about as compelling as a half used plan.

I thought it said boner, and.

I don't even have a full use boner on RhB. She was the moral compass. No one asked for agreed bringing that clipboard to a gladiator match. Oh she was, she means. So in other words, it's like bringing a knife to a gunfight.

Yeah, I wasn't ready.

Yeah, you were playing nice and we were playing mean.

Yeah, I wasn't ready. You guys saw me in your.

That's not necessarily true. And I went until you've got.

Hold it, lady, until I got to teas in a pod with two hundred ads and CBT gummy.

She wasn't here to play games. But fun was never on the itinerary.

You know what. So pretty much what we've summed up is I'm.

Zero fun and you like protein shakes, and you're accountable.

I'm accountable zero fun. Lose everything first.

Yeah, but you lose everything first because you're competitive. Let's be honest. Like, you didn't lose because you were bad. They blew you off because you were in it.

Because the only girl that beat me was the MMA fighter. If I would, I asked, I said, if I let go, will you keep me? And then I started to let go and she goes.

No, All right, now we're gonna go live and we're gonna ask chat GPT, what is Teddy Mellencamp's best quality? Your best quality is your discipline.

This is like when Edwin said my best when they said what do you love most about your wife? And he said that she's organized.

Yeah, but that's why you're divorced.

What this?

So you want GPT to say your best quality is that you're disciplined and you show up and you like fought through cancer and all this kind of stuff. You don't want your husband to say she's organized. You see what I'm saying, Like chat GPT, Like chat GPT can say I'm cold and I'm fine whatever, bring it on. But my I wonder what Tom was.

Like. You wouldn't want Tom to say that you were.

God only knows what that man I'm would say. I probably know.

I'm gonna zip on over and interview Tom Erica, who right, whatever?

My god, poor thing? Uh? But yeah, for Edwin to say you're organized, but that is that? I feel like that's is that in loyalty, you're loyalty.

I'm loyal and disciplined.

You are loyal. You are loyal to Kyle Richards and disciplined to yourself.

And after this podcast, I am no longer loyal to Erica Jane. Yeah.

I mean, listen, I'm gonna tell you something, And I mean, is you better be loyal to Kyle before you're loyal to me, because she's been right there for you.

I know she's been awesome for you. If here's the thing, I think friends are loyal. I'm not going to justify the fact that I am very disciplined, and when I can't be disciplined, I come unhinged. You saw me when you arrived.

Yeah, well that's different. I think that being as disciplined as you are is why you are where you are, in your cancer, in your cancel.

In your cancel culture.

It's why you're canceling it. Whatever you're on, we're off on me and I'm picking up these strange vibes. Okay, so let me here's hold on.

I need to know what my best features. I need one.

Finished singing your praises.

Well, I don't listen. It's gonna seem like I was attacking you. Attacking because I know you're you're pretty gpt roasting me.

No, I'm yeah, come for me. I'm not pitying you at all. What I was going to say, is your discipline is something that has brought you so far through your cancer journey. It is true because you've been you've been very disciplined about when you found out you have been.

I am a disciplined person. You're very What my goal is in asking you as a friend, how do I show more empathy? Don't ask me.

I don't know.

We've been working on We can't work on that. We're not always right on.

I mean, it's just yeah, but how do I.

Show the side that my true friends get to see?

Okay? So, uh huh? Are you comfortable? And this is what I'm just going to ask you right now?

No, I'm in a full sweat.

No, no, not like that. I know you're sweating. But are you comfortable letting people see who you are with your friends? Because that I think sometimes people don't understand that the show that we're on, that you used to be on with me, doesn't really allow for you to show your one hundred percent most vulnerable soul because of its nature of being you know, conflict and at any moment you know, it's like it says a gladiator match.

I think I wish I would have talked about how comfortable and uncomfortable I can be in my own skin. But I think also I was going through something privately that.

Was that was seeping out and we couldn't read.

It, and and everybody was reading it as the wrong thing.

It's like when I get told I'm cold, No, I'm not called. I was fucking just afraid one.

Person would have just nailed it.

But also to nobody's a mind reader, and so sometimes you want people to pick up on what's bothering you, but they can't. Yeah, you know, everybody's involved. I thought you would. I have my suspicions, but I didn't know you well enough to be like, hey, is there something wrong over here that I fail. I'm also one of these people that like, if I don't know you that well, you're not going to push No, I'm not someone that's

Also, you know, and this isn't to justify my behavior, but I went in knowing I can't disappoint my family. By family, I mean, my dad was like, you're gonna do.

A reality talent. I'm sure that.

That was just And I'm like, your talent is being a rock star and mine is.

To be reality TV luster reality. Well, reality TV does not have the best reputation. It has the best characters, it has an unbelievable draw, unbelievable pop culture draw, but it comes with some real you know cons and it's just you know, horrible things.

Yeah, well let's get let's move on to my best quality.

Let's ask Chatt, what are your best your best features, best features, your best features? Teddy Mellencamp's best feature is her athletic build organized an athletic build, athletic. I think it's wonderful.

What are the other things?

All? Honorable? Mention? Your smile, which is so important to you.

Remember smile is important. But honestly, can't just somebody call me hot ever.

But you are hot? Yeah? Okay, So what do you think? What do you think of your chat cheepyte roast.

I think it's exactly what I thought it was gonna be.

Me too, That's what I know. It's what I say.

I know what people come for me, me too, and it's it's kind of gives me a little bit of peace knowing it's always going to be the same.

Thing it is. And it's also something that's like, it's obvious, we've heard it, and you can go, I see a little bit of that. I don't see. I can see why someone would say that, but I guess it's.

I can see, I can see that they're right and some ask.

Of course I could see why they would say it, but you're missing some other information because it's not whole. I can say, yes, have I been called sure? Have I been removed?

Yes?

Have I been like irritated all the time? But was that the entire picture? No?

No, But also I wish and this isn't you know. I'm sorry, chat cheepy tea, but I wish they were a little bit funnier.

It was, Well, it's a robot. It's a it's a chat bot. It's not like listen chat chat bots be far creative if you can hear us.

Be more creative, be more creative.

And do we need to talk to we need to talk to open AI or whatever whatever sources like, which one of y'all is funny.

Yeah, who's the funny one, because that's what we need for our.

Next roast our. Next, you know what we should do is roast Kyle.

Oh, we should start roasting our friends and then and then they'll pick up the clips. That's act like we said it. That's right, and then we'll have to explain to them later we didn't do it. Let's just do little tiny clips for each one and so then it looks like all we did was just each other.

Yell, we talked about everybody. Actually, that's the way we should open this.

That's that's actually next episode will be roasting every single one of our friends and everybody relationships from Clickbait.

Yes, thanks guys, thank you for joining us on Teddy's Roast. By a I