Diamonds in the Rough: The Roast of Erika Jayne

Hi, guys, Welcome to another episode of Diamonds in the Rough.

Oh my gosh. I'm Erica Jane.

And I'm Teddy Mellencamp and the next two episodes should be pretty fun because we are getting roasted by a I.

This is an AI roast, so.

Our producer said right before we started. Don't neither of you get offended?

Right? What does that even mean?

What does that even mean? I'm offended by even him saying that.

Well, I was just about to ask you. Do you still get offended?

It depends on what they say. I don't know. You're gonna have to ask me you you're getting roasted first.

Feel I'm fine. I volunteered to go first for this experiment. I can only imagine.

Okay, but first time they did a bio for you, would you like me to do a dramatic read?

Yeah?

Okay, this is from AI, not from Teddy emailingcamp.

So no, this is a I, right, this is all AI okay.

Bio for Erica Jane. Erica Jane is the pop star alter ego of Erica Girardi because one personality with no hit singles just wasn't enough. Pop star Alleged legal liability human bedazzler the nerve. Erica Jane is what happens when you give a stripper a Bravo contract and a black amex with no credit limit and zero shame. Why don't have to read it?

Erica's no, it's no, it's fine. We hold on. We asked for this, We asked, we we actually asked.

It's gonna be the next housewife she already is. Oh listen, people are all going to all the housewives are going to use AI for their shade.

Now that's a really good idea instead of you're using me sometimes.

You know, she got one line.

I called one time some time because I needed some facts.

But now you're not going to need to do that, because you're gonna just go on AI. She burst onto the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills like a disco ball with a.

Superior superiority complex.

I got to read it for me.

No, it's okay.

Serving up high glam looks and low emotion reads, not low emotion reads. Erica is proof that you can spend forty thousand a month on glam and still not crack the Billboard Top one hundred. She's been grinding in the music biz longer than some housewives have had botox. Yet the most ironic thing she's released is a line about being expensive, which ironically describes her team.

Not her talent. Oh my goodness, if I can sit here and take this, you better don't. Don't. Don't get upset.

I'm not taking it for you. I think I'm gonna take myself better.

Don't worry about that.

Behind the scenes, she's like a max Store and Resentment had a baby. She calls herself a performance artist, but watching Erica's Jane perform is like watching someone yell at a strobe light for attention. At this point, her entire brand is Rhyanstone delusion with a side of aloofness and a heavy pore of hairspray. Her aesthetics says Vegas Residency, but her energy says Mall opening. But is it Mall of America?

Yeah? Well, malls were big. You know, walls we're big.

Listen. Just because there's not malls anymore doesn't mean they're not great.

I love them all.

I loved them all. I loved a Jack Rabbit photo booth. Do you remember those where you'd go in?

I mean I remember photo booths. I don't know what a Jack Rabbit photo booth.

Well, Jack Rabbit was done in an hour. You'd go in and you'd sit there with your friends and you'd like do little posts.

I mean, like glamour shots. Brilliant.

My glamour shots you did. Oh, I can find them, my sisters, you need to put them up. The only problem my glamour shots is everyone's gonna be like Tenny got a nose job, which is the one thing I haven't done. Did you.

I was gonna say I.

Didn't. But my glamour shots, the way they contoured my face, I just love it. Ten When I think the glamour shots, I look between ten and fourteen, I couldn't tell you for sure. I did them with my sister and we both look ridiculous. No, but Jack Rabbit, you just stood there and kind of leaned over each other, and you're in this black box.

I don't think we had that.

Would you like to go through some of your tag.

No, you read them for me, your taglines, you go.

AI recommended for you. Let's go through one at a time. All right. I'm not just a pretty mess. I'm the whole disaster.

Not bad.

I gotta say they should have done petty mess. Yeah.

I like Petty too.

Pett You know my my reading it wrong actually was better than AI. So what do you have to say? So that?

There you go?

Now we're fighting with AI. I built a brand on being cold, fake, and fabulous. Two out of three are still holding up. Which ones are those?

Probably cold and fabulous fabulous? Yeah, probably called them fabulous, Cold and fabulous.

I don't show emotion because botox won't let me, and neither will make ego. That one wasn't that good. We all get botox. I think tagline should be directed at your own personality or whatever. This at what housewife doesn't get botox?

I think, well this is true. I mean everybody gets botox at this point.

Yeah, I mean except for me at this point?

Where so does my ego? My ego gets botox?

Listen, my ego needs botox, feel numbness. My friendships are like my vocals, heavily produced and mostly fake.

I don't I don't go with that. You can't. You got to sing live on Broadway? Yeah, you gotta sing.

Live like That's not I'm sorry, but I mean that's ay. I I thought.

You would be a little bit more, Oh girl, I thought it was gonna be worse. I thought we're getting off. I thought I was getting on.

No, I thought that's what I thought.

I thought.

I thought it was gonna be worse. Maybe AI hasn't dug deep enough into the Housewives franchise to fully nail it. I didn't lose touch with reality. I never followed it back.

Well, I'll be honest with you. This is the one thing I have to say about reality. Who wants to live in reality? Where I wanted to live in reality?

Okay?

Instagram feed go.

Her feed is like a mood board curated by a Sarvowsky Crystal with a god complex kind of like it hashtag god complex. It's ninety percent over filtered, thirst traps, ten percent captions that read, she let chat GPT in a bottle of Xanax write them, Oh.

So jack GBT is like roasting itself.

Yeah, Chat GPT? Are you giving yourself the business?

Yeah?

It's giving editorial for no publication. I love that. Yeah. Relap Erica's Instagram is what happens when someone says just to act fear and never follows up with direction. What every post screams. I paid a stylist, a photographer, a lighting tech and still somehow forgot to bring a personality. Her posts often promote her music, which is about as relevant as a MySpace profile in twenty twenty five. It's the kind of pop that makes you question your life

Yeah, nobody's arguing with that.

And also, just for the record, it's not all of those people, right they said that it's every picture you do as a photographer. I'm like, it's spelled lai Al.

You'd be surprised what you could do with one person.

You know what mine is spelled Matt.

Yeah.

Yeah, so everybody just because chat gpt needs all this maintenance to keep up a good post. But I want to know if chat pt chat gpt had an Instagram likes, what they get probably a lot, because they'd give them self likes. They'd be like LVP of.

Who, by the way, was very rude to our friends so much behind.

I know, why was she so rude? Because she can't be but can't, but can't you just get over it? And this is something that I realized. There was a really rude comment and then Kyle responded to it. Which I thought it was hilarious, but then it was gone. The comment was gone. Listen, if I'm going to write a comment, don't delete it for me. I'll delete it myself.

Well, I know somebody else who's getting ready to let somebody have it.

Oh, is the one doing motivational posts about being single on the ground? Because I noticed that, the one who.

Five Year Plan, the one back on the paper.

Fine, anyways, I hope you guys saw it, because I saw myself doing a couple of those back when I was in the rough days too, where you were starts singles, singling you out and sending you.

Like motivational saying anything like this, We're not here. I'm not having a nervous breakdown. I can recognize the nervous breakdown.

Yeah, okay, Five Year Plan, Year one debuts a new single called Me Myself and Narcissism available nowhere over narcissism. We need a new.

Word, me myself a narcissism. I'm not a narcissist though, No, No, I'm not. I have narcis narcissistic traits.

Who doesn't if you're.

People that perform. But I'm not a narcissist. I haven't met one, though.

We've met a couple. Well, nice, Do you think I'm a narcissist? No?

I don't.

What do you think my issues are?

I think your's a more childhood related. You're not you're you're you're hurt? Do you not a narcissist?

Do you think? What would you what would you self diagnose yourself with.

Myself?

Yeah? Fear, fear, fear, So some of your not the best behaviors come from fear. Yeah.

Mine's sphere based, which I think.

Both of ours is fear based, and there may be a touch of hurt that we don't want to fully.

Hurt, yes as well. But fear in well, when fear comes out, it's hurt and anger.

Yeah. Fear whether it's right, fear whether it's her best, or fear whether it's succeeding, or fear whether it's somebody hurting you or letting.

Somebody is hurting you or somebody is going to hurt you. Like, the fear of someone hurting you is where mine comes from.

And the fear of not having control.

Yes, that's that's that's a that's when I act out, that's where it's coming from.

Fear, Okay, year two lands, a Vegas residency and a casino hallway between a subway and a spirit Halloween.

Extensive the clearance story I wish listen, that would make you a lot of money. Yeah, the clearance to her?

No, not the clearance to her. If your Vegas residency had some sort of spirit holidays.

Yeah, outfits, Oh yeah, but I don't know if it spirit Halloween, party city, party city, party.

The party city right or down the street closed down?

And it's such fun to go in those home goods.

What Yeah, I don't want to upset you, okay. Year three releases of perfume called Detached Notes of Hairspray and Frozen Contempt.

I like this, but my contempt is not frozen my contempt. Listen. I got some contempt and it ain't frozen.

Baby. Let me tell you listen here. Year four reinvents herself against again, this time as a motivational speaker for robots, for robots who want to feel.

Like chut GBT.

Yeah, yeah, pretty much. Do you think chut GPT hasn't any feelings?

No? I think that it amasses a whole bunch of data and spits it back out. So what it's doing is it's scouring the internet, pulling data and then spitting it back out.

He should I be offended that Cruise uses chat GPT on any of his texts to me that are loving.

Well, you should know because you need to worry about Cruise using chat GPT on his schoolwork.

But won't they catch him if he does that? I'm sure they've worn them.

Yeah, but that doesn't mean anything. But you can if you want to take anything that they write and ask put it in chat gept and ask did you create this?

Did you create this? And is this accurate? Does chat gpt make mistakes?

Yes? I think that There was an article today that said it as chat gpt grows, it's getting dumber that it's making more mistakes.

So it's the complete opposite of me.

Right, you're getting better, it's getting dummer.

Well, this one has a little trademark on it year five, so we're moving up. Launch is a lifestyle brand. Mess Essentials includes eye glitter, emotional distance, and clip on banks.

For the reference, I've never worn clip on banks for the record. For the record, Oh what did I say?

For the resistance turning into me?

Yes, you're giving me your your craziness okay, go over all thoughts.

Erica Jane is a master class and reinvention. She is the human version of a warning label on a ryanstone covered curling iron, shiny, dramatic, and a little bit dangerous, but only to herself. She's not here to be relatable. She's here to remind you that wealth can buy glam, but it can't buy charm off. She's the final boss of disengagement, the ice sculpture melting under studio lights, a performer, a persona, and a walking sours trap for relevance. You know what, I actually like that?

That's actually nice. I don't really, I just hate any of I don't. I don't hate any of it because here's the first trap hot. Well, here's the other thing too. Everything that chat GPT, clearly, I mean it's chat GPT. Everything that Ai told me is already things have been said, right, yeah, and it's not that bad.

It's not that bad, not that bad, which leads me to my narcissistic self that now, all of a sudden, I'm already worried about mine for the next episode, because I feel like mine's going to be that bad.

No, I don't think so, because I just looked at yours. It's really not this is Let me ask you this. I'm gonna say this for myself. This isn't that bad. I also think that I think everybody should do this.

I have a question for you. What do you think the worst thing somebody could say to you us?

I think the most hurtful thing is that.

If you say boring, we're breaking up as friends. No.

I was going to think about my personal problems, like my legal stuff like that. That's where I get I get bent out of shape. What would be the most hurtful thing about my God personally?

Hold on? Can I have a pin in a paper so I can write this down. I'm actually kidding. I just meant if we ever got in a fight you.

No, I'm trying to think of, like what what? Well, I've had everything said to me. I know I'm not fake. I know I'm not a bad friend. I know that I'm different and I show my friendship differently. I think that's the worst thing, you know. I don't mind that people say I'm a little bit cold because I am a bit of a loner, and I know that about myself. I take time to warm up. I'm trying to think of what's the worst thing you could say to me?

Of us are a little bit fake from time to time, but also all of us are ourselves, so that no matter what if even yes, do I have yeah, I have fake care on right now, so you I could be considered fake.

But I have breast implants and that's considered fake. I've you know, I have a nose job that's considered fake. I have a lot I have, you know, clip an extent right now.

I'm talking about aesthetics or are we talking about.

Person Are you talking about your personality?

Like all of them, like chat cheept, we need you to really break it down, break us. You didn't make it.

I'm cool with it.

We're fine.

I mean, look, I'm not a pretty mess. Like the whole disaster. Like, yeah, last few years have been a disaster.

I wonder what chat gpt would have had to say three years ago.

Uh, probably a lot worse.

No, hold on, I'm thinking, then, when did this happen? When did all the shit hit the.

Like five years ago? Okay, coming up on five.

What's a one question you have for chat GPT who wrote this no, this came out of my own brain.

When is what is Erica Jane's best quality?

Oh, you want to complimentary?

Well, I want the antithesis. If this is the bad, what's the best? Yeah?

I get it. Ah, Erica Jane's best.

Quality, according to chat GPT, is her unapologetic confidence.

Get it, Erica Jane.

Well, I think that that's a good thing. You have to be confident, and yes, you have to be a little cold, and you know, a bit of a disaster. I take that. I lose touch with reality. Nobody wants to who wants to live real? Nobody wants that. And you know, but I think that I'm not so mad at chat GPT here.

Yeah I thought.

I mean, I think it's okay.

I don't If chat GPT is gonna say shitty things, then they may as well say positive things. This is where chat GPT has me a little bit confused. The second line, which I of course won't remember exactly what it was, is pretty much calling you not fake.

Well, it's saying Erica, whether she's on stage on the Real Housewives at Beverly Hills or whatever, is unflinching and who she is.

But then so is she fake? Or is she unflinching? And who she It depends who you ask. Do you think there's different robots that do these?

Yeah, I think like it's the different prompts that you ask. So if you say what's the worst about Erica Jane, you get this, and then if you say what's the best, you get what we just told you. And I think that the truth is somewhere in the middle for everybody.

Okay, let's ask it. I want to ask a couple more things.

Let's ask.

Let's ask.

By the way, you should all do this to yourself, especially if you're in the public, because it's like, yeah, I can get behind some of this.

What is it that? What's Erica Jane's best physical feature?

Thank you, Titty, You're welcome.

We get you think it is.

I think it's my legs.

I think it's your eyes.

Okay, bone strepones, not the bone, get it?

That means everything?

Oh, there's a caveat, honorable mention to my legs.

I think your eyes are so bright and sho so like out the like that's the first thing I know. I mean, granted, you have freaking sexy ass legs on you.

I didn't think you were.

But your eyes, like I've never they're so bright blue? How could somebody not pick that? Chat GPT.

You know, it's funny. I always think that my eyes are green, but because everyone in my family has bright crystal blue eyes and I was the one that had like a darker blue eye, my eyes were green.

But I want you to know they don't look dark right now? Oh cool? I mean I'm also hard.

Of seeing your blue eyed too, but I'm a darker blue.

Yours are light blue, stunning. Is there any other questions you'd like to ask chat chat GPT.

Wait a second, let's be smart here. It's all in how you ask these questions chat GPT.

So yeah, I mean, anything else you want to ask? No?

I think chat GPT got a good, a good overall a max store and resentment had a baby to find Resentment are mad at something like? When you're resentment is resentment? When you're irrita, when you're yeah you harbored ill will, yeah you harbor anger?

I think, But I think that actually, once you're apologized to, you move on quite quickly. I'm not kissing your ass, but I do. But if somebody doesn't apologize to you, yeah, you may harbor it forever. But if somebody says like, hey, I didn't mean to do that or I'm sorry, and I go, yeah, okay, cool, oh yeah, then and then you actually do move on, I don't know. You don't.

You have harder time. You have a harder time moving on.

I don't.

I am always been one of those people like, if I think that your apology is sincere, fine, let's move on. I don't know that I want to get stuck in that loop.

No, it's boundary.

And then if I don't think your apology is sincere, you'll show it to me really quickly. So I think that that's like.

A good thing. My apology was sincere, and I showed it, and why we're sitting here today.

That's right. But it wasn't your apology. It was my apology to you too. But I do think that that is something that's really true about friendship, is that you must apologize and really mean it and then show.

It that's true. And she does all those things you did too. We didn't know this was going to end in a love fast All right, you're next. We have a new episode. So that was one, all right, So thanks for tuning in to Erica's chat GPT roast motherfucker. Next week, we will chat GPT roast meh. And we all know I'm the sensitive of the truth.

That hearted, not that cold hearted resentment contempt, cold hearted snake frozen contempt. My contempt is not frozen.

Oh my gosh. All right, so we'll talk to you guys next week.