Diamonds in the Rough: Stay Toxic

Hi, guys, Welcome to another episode of Diamonds in the Rough with myself Teddy Millon Camp and.

I am Erica Jane. Today today we who are you?

Normally? I don't fucking know, ted what is going on?

E I was feeling very sorry for myself as I drove over here, and then I thought I have nothing to feel sorry about, because I thought of you.

Listen, we all get a second to feel fait a second.

You get a second, and then you have to bounce back up. That's all.

So you bounced back yep, So you're not going to share with me.

I just went, no, I can share with you. It's not that big of a deal. I was just feeling tired, but kind of like crabby for no particular reason, and it just it doesn't you know. Sometimes I get crabby and I'm like, you know why, there's no real Erica, it's not that big of a deal. You start thinking about, well, look, you know, it's really not that big of a deal.

And then you start making up in your head why you can't do something.

Of course, and it becomes bigger than it really is, and you make excuses for yourself. And I really don't have any and then I get disappointed that I know I'm doing it.

Well. I get that way even with errans, like I'm like, oh, I need to go buy new like bras, sure, and I'll be like, well, that's annoying.

Well, I don't want to annoying. A lot of things are annoying, but you don't have to do them anyway. And I think I was just feeling sorry for myself on the way over here. So, but but you seem like you're you're back on track. I ditched in the driveway.

You left it there were like dove leaves all of her trash.

Does she really today?

I went out to follow after what I mean trash, She like will have snacks and then she'll just like leave her snack bags out there.

I'm like, excuse me, done done. You're not going to get these snacks.

If you're just gonna be leaving them all, we can't do that. She's very booked up. But yeah, it's been I feel a little tied today too. But now I'm all hyped up on caffeine. Sorry, don't come for me, guys, I'm on my second.

Grade to do whatever you want. Tell me what's going on with you? Well?

Tomorrow is the day that I go to the oncologist and all of the specialists and they do.

My MRI to see if anymore like.

Because last time I went to get my MRI, I had more tumors. Sure, so this week, you know, tomorrow I go in and find out if I have more tumors, if they've grown, if they've shrunk, and then I also do immunotherapy. But the concern with this one is like I really one hundred percent thought like I'm like, I'm good, they've definitely shrunk. I haven't been having headaches or feeling weird, Like right, I'm good. And then today, hold on, you have Okay, today I have a headache. But maybe that's

Yeah, it's like I'm sure it's like super high.

Yeah, it's like super high. And so it's like all that nervous energy and I'm just like just chill.

Yeah, but it's very hard for you to do that. Yeah, this is a tough one.

Yeah, so this is a toughie. Plus it's like, you know, if they have grown or if I have more the conversations I'm going to have to have with my kids post is already like giving me.

Anxiety, anxiety because I should.

I mean, it'll be a dream. I'll be so happy.

I've been really trying to be positive thinking that they're going to go and be like, guess what.

This time it worked right. But I'm also and have fear.

I think that you are very right to be a normal human being and have fear, and I think that we also need to be hopeful and positive. But Teddy, like, what you're facing is fucking unreal. It's not it's a big deal.

And it sounds so silly, but like everything in my life has.

Changed so much that's not silly at all.

That like even you know, next week, I'm going it's the first time I'm going to like a like we talk sometimes about like the pressures of Hollywood or the pressures of being in the business, But next week's the first week that I have to wear like a black tie dress. Yeah, And I was like trying them on and I was like, well, this isn't going to work. Well,

That's normal. I understand why you would too. Yeah, absolutely, especially like look at the business we're in. Yeah, you're also really used to looking a certain way, and you're very strict with your you're very disciplined with your fitness and you know your nutrition, and so something like this would Yeah, I get it.

And I had to depress thing last week. And I'm not to call the person out, but they were like, how do you feel about the fact that your body's changed?

And I was like, wow, that's nice, and like, you know, I was a little like come on, and I was like, I didn't mention this to you before we started this interview, so like you just saw it and just felt and then it like all those old things.

And conversations just got kicked right back.

And I was like, but I just think it's important.

Like when people ask about plastic surgery or about whatever, it's like we all have to do what we're comfortable with. And like I'm super comfortable talking about plastic surgery, I'm not super comfortable talking about like when I'm going through hard times, like talking about my body.

Yeah, like body changes, yes, my.

Body changes, and there's it's it's different than before where I'm like, well, I'm just gonna go for a run. I'm gonna take care of myself and take that right now. Like sometimes I can't do it and it might not work. Yeah, And it's like completely different when it's from steroids.

So it's like all of these things.

So if I'm a little fast talking today, guys, this is why, like some of my past.

In securities, which I know is like a forbidden.

Word, it is why.

Well, I don't know.

I remember like there was like a Housewives episode where someone's like you, you know you feel insecure and not. I think it was maybe to Camille, and like that was the ultimate like put down.

We're all we all are insecure like every human on this planet has insecurities. There's not a soul that is not without them.

Yeah, soul, it just it is what it is.

And I think that that's if you guys are having a moment where you feel insecure, I mean.

Then like something will happen.

I'll be like today, I really I could put my wig in a ponytail and like it.

And I was like, you know the theory, did you right?

Like, yeah, I mean it might go up and downlytics.

I did it myself today, But I'm like, I'm pretty excited about this.

Live your life, you know, I think you look good.

Any other action going on with you?

Before we get into the discussion of toxic masculinity and toxic femininity.

There is toxic femininity. No, I went to New York, uh for the weekend to do a job. I can't tell you what it is, which is really nice and so it was nice.

To We're going to see it.

Is it something having to do with Broadway or is it something having to do with the television.

It's on television.

Okay, did you go out it all while you're there?

No, it was strictly like come in, work, leave, Yeah, but it was nice. I mean, you know, there's something fun and I think you appreciate this too, about it's almost like a mission. You know, I've got to go here, perform this, and then come home. I kind of like those things. They're fast, they're furious, but it makes me feel alive, you know.

I know that's kind of I think that's why it's still other than being able to go with Slate, but it's still the horse shows. I'm like, oh, I get to leave my house. I get to do this, and then even if I get tired, I'll just go back to the hotel and rest a little bit.

But like having that like.

It's of course, it's something that's necessary. It is necessary. You're also a competitive person. This is also you living your life and being as normal as possible.

And people think that this podcast studio is inside. Like everyone's always like, well, you leave your house every day to go to your podcast.

Got here, fore you the beds right here?

My bed is right here.

The bed is right here, Okay, And you know what's on the other side of this little thing a treadmill exactly. You know what's right here a couch, and right there is an infrared sauna which you cannot see. So we're not leaving.

This house often.

Guys.

Now we're in it deep.

All right, let's talk about this today. We're talking about toxic masculinity, toxic femininity and gender roles and relationships. Are you dating? Yes?

And I've been getting a lot of hell.

But do people know that Edwin's dating too?

Well? I don't.

I think people want, in a weird way, want me to be the bad guy.

But I'm like, we are on good terms. We have come up.

We decided that we were going to be open and honest with each other and try to do whatever we can to be the best parents that we can. But also this is an agreement we came up with. We were getting a divorce prior.

To all of this, to all of it, and also to it's your life and people need to butt out and his as well, and like saying, like, however, you guys want to do this. You're both dating people, you're both going out, Like everybody needs to reserve your judgment. You're not living in this home with them. You don't know what's going on. You're outside there commenting, just shut the fuck up.

And it's like why, And I feel like that's where it.

Don't take the time to tell me to fuck off, okay.

And that's that's why it's also like it could be so toxic because people are like, well, don't you have bigger things you should be concerned with?

And I'm like, don't you.

I'm like, don't we freaking all? And I'm not like sliming around trying to.

Hurt mynn't to explain yourself to anybody, I know, but I that's why you don't have to explain yourself to anybody.

But I think, you know, I think it's necessary. The biggest thing.

For all of us is to feel, you know, supported and happy and enjoying our time.

I think you need to feel supported and happy from the people that know you and care about you, that are right here with you, and we do love and support you, and we know that you are a really like great mom.

And I mean it's not like I mean, guys, I go to about eight thirty every night.

I think it's an early date.

If it's a date, we had to start the Kyle thing at six promptly because she was out by eight. And we're not lying.

This is how it is. Have you gone on any day since last time? I saw you.

No, but I went to New York to go to work. Well, and that is just dissatisfying.

This is the problem is that I am always word vomiting all of my life.

But if I had something to say, I would I just don't. Well, I need to get out there though.

I say this every week, say this every week, and I honestly I'm going to start just I'm going to be like a paparazzi sooner, just be following you around, and then I'm gonna be like this week from Paparazzi Teddy. I discovered you're.

Not going to get shirt because I am in bed watching YouTube. YouTube I do.

I like to YouTube. Hold on to the new show.

What's the guy's name that always watches Housewives? That's John Hamm John ham that wanted to strangle me, Oh do you want to strangle You should just because I want to take her and shake her and say those aren't your ear rings? I didn't know who said that. But anyway, his new show is really good. Not to throw him roses.

I mean, I don't know that we can really.

I may like new show. I think it's good and interesting in keeping me, but he just did his Mount Rushmore for Bravoelebrities and he shows chapros.

Oh you're you're Kathy Hilton and Craig Conover.

So but what are your thoughts on Okay, clearly your breakup was a very and then we'll get on to it.

Sorry, sorry, sorry, but this is okay.

I say, we just have to always go ROAs it's.

Good just to your thing.

But your breakup was a very public breakup. But do you think there's a requirement when you're on reality television to let people know when that's happened.

At some point if it's real. I think that, Like, look, I think at some point, let's take for example, like de MPK and then there was the constant he's not here, he's not there, or Mauricio and Kyle. At some point you have to say, yes, this is what's going on. Yeah, I agree, at some point you do, because it's not it's not like oh they were out one weekend. You know, if it's consistently something separate, at some point you got to say, yeah, we're separated.

And I lied. I have one other thing.

I need a Were you heartbroken when garcel and followed you devastated?

I'm about as heartbroken as she was when I am followed her back.

Ah damn, Now I need to do my first unfollow. Yeah, I'm such a dork.

Okay, So this all started this conversation because Tracy Ellis Ross said she dates younger men because men her age are steeped and toxic masculinity.

What does that mean to you? Toxic masculinity? Well, I think it's like.

For me, I know a lot about toxic positivity because I bet you do both and wellness world.

I bet you do. And have people been talks, Yes, I bet you do.

Because even like you know, when you think about some of like the best motivational speakers, then I meet them, I'm like, you're a freaking narcissistic asshole.

Most everybody in our necess a freaking narcissistic asshole. Also, two people are humans.

Yeah, when it comes to toxic masculinity, I mean dating younger, I mean that just means it's.

Going to come later, right, Well, I don't know.

I think that is it a trade off? You're you're trading off toxic masculinity for inexperience and I'm not sure which one I prefer. And then I'm kind of good with the old toxic dudes.

You like old toxics.

I know I'm saying I have a lot of experience, so I can't. I know what I'm looking at, and like the younger dudes like the inexperience of it all. I mean, I think that you know what I really feel. First off, I kind of feel like I need different people to fill different uh seeds.

So you want to be on sister wives? That dude?

Of all do dudes? I'm sorry we're gonna talk about I just want to say, if one broad brings these men down, how the fuck are you gonna like four? You know men are That's a that's a big undertaking. You're gonna satisfy four women?

He doesn't even satisfy my eyes on the television screen.

He must be a beast in bed or something.

I'm like, I don't think so.

I think he just was able to afford a house that could have four different entrances.

Would you would you do something like that? Could you be a sister wife?

No? Not. I could be a sister wife in the way of like being couples and like living on a compound.

Really, yes, but not having sex with each other's partners.

Yeah, okay, but like I could, I like, I would be very selective with like my three other couples that we lived with.

Of course, of course I would.

Be fine with that, like, Okay, well I'm gonna do this, Okay, Well then I've got all the kids.

Like that idea is okay with you, That's okay with me.

Like I loved having my sister here, Oh yeah, that kind of stuff. Like I was like and she would go and be like, well, I'm gonna feed the kids dinner.

You want to do that? Like I love that divide and conger aspect of it.

It does feel like, at least from looking at sister wife, say, they do the kids. They all take care of these children.

Yeah, so that's helpful.

That is that seems really cool about it.

But I wouldn't want to be married to the same guy. But when it comes to younger guys, I can say, I am.

I'm dating I met him.

Yeah, I did meet him.

He's very sweet, but I would say that, what.

Do you think, Well, one, he's not that much younger, But two, I would say I asked him, I said, why would you be interested in dating somebody that's older? Like I'm clearly not going to have more children. I'm in the city, and he said, you know, I've been dating a lot of younger girls at the younger than him, girls like you know, by whatever, and he goes, They're just interested in different things, and like, I'm not interested

He's like, I don't really want to.

Hear about the petty stuff that you care about when you're twenty eight years old. I mean, he has a point, and he is not twenty eight for the record, he is older than that, but like.

That was yeah, but he has a point. I know that, like because I've dated younger men too, and they say things like I like the fact that you are truly your own independent person and that you know I don't check up on anybody, Like if you want to go out, go out for three fucking days and call me this. But this is also the marriage that I had because I couldn't not control but I didn't even know where Tom was. So I think it's so ingrained in me that if I date somebody, I'm like, well fuck it.

I don't caring.

Yeah, Like, I think that's where we can talk about this toxic masculinity or toxics women like I don't at this stage of my life. I don't want to be checked. I don't want something.

It's one thing to be like how you doing, thinking about you.

But do not patrol or police my actions.

I don't want it.

Do not do that to me.

I don't want to do it.

If you want your freedom and you don't want me to bother you, then the same has to go for me. Like you cannot police me, you cannot know where I'm at. You will never have my phone. We do not share passwords.

We're not sharing passwords. I don't want your location.

I don't want your location.

I've lived that life already.

Yes, well yeah, and I'm not saying that it's the world's worst thing. But I don't want to feel like that.

I don't want to feel like I have to check in, like I have to be home at a certain time. I have no dog, my son is grown and it's just me. I don't have brothers and sisters. So if I want to stay out all night, the only person I feel like I have to text is sometimes my child.

Yeah sometimes and maybe sometimes lie.

Right and lia just to let people know, yeah right, like don't worry about me. I'm over here.

Yeah.

But other than that, I don't want to have to check in with somebody. And I don't want to have to you know, No, I'm tired of that.

Yeah. And I think that also something that people don't necessarily realize. And I was as I was watching the show last night, not not housewives, guys, don't worry. I'm not like getting tips from housewives on marriages.

CONTI married.

Everybody blew up anyways.

But it's like the way that your life changes as you get more successful. Like so as a man or as a woman, your marriage or your relationship is going to change. If one person absolutely career change, yeah, somebody becomes the lead dog and then the other guy's got to become the follower.

Yeah.

And I think does it exist. I'm trying to think, like in the history of anybody, like, does it exist where there is two like equals equals?

I mean, I think it's possible. Okay, look, anything is possible, but I'm guessing that at some point they may start off. But as things change, I mean, but just that's the way life is.

But one person is always going to have the upper hand, even if you are equals.

I think I would imagine, so, whether it's financially or your personality, somebody's always going to have more than the other. But it's just about what is it? Is it more money? Is it more power? Is it more flexibility? Is it more is someone prettier or more handsome, somebody younger, older, more educated. There's a lot of things it could be.

Yeah, and also things change, But I have also realized about me something I need to do. It's just like kind of being more open, like I'm not really into that or that kind of gave me the eck.

I think. Yeah, I think you've earned the right to just say exactly how you feel. Yeah, and not like rude, but just like I don't want to do that.

Yeah, But if you've been with somebody for twenty five years, you're not going to be like, hey, by the way, something you've been doing for the last twenty four point five years has really been on bugget man.

And I've waited all this time to tell you I've been just letting it faster slide for two decades plus.

She also said she's done being someone's possession or prize.

Let's your take on men who treat you like a status symbol instead of an equal partner, And have you ever dated one? I was never an equal partner in my marriage. I dated somebody that was well, excuse me. I married Tom, I think when he was sixty and I was twenty seven, so he was already made and had made a ton of money, and so I married a fully formed human and the power balance was way whack. Was I a possession? I think that I was not? In Yeah, yeah, somewhat like a doll in a way.

No, there wasn't there like a whole movie about this where you've become not a Stepford wife, but like everybody kind of falls into line. Yeah, but do you feel like there were times in your marriage where you were the most like that?

Yeah, of course you're ten. Starting out right from the beginning, it was always Tom's life. Yeah, yeah, because Tom had the bigger life. He was the most educated, the more experienced, and you know, obviously had the most money. So it was it was all about Tom for a very long time, and I did fall into line. You do fall into line. A lot of women do that. They you know, you hear women all the time say they lose themselves or

And I also think, you know, we could put all the place on them, like all the blame on the men. But I think sometimes it can be us.

Like I found myself without ever being asked to go above and beyond to try to make another person happy before myself.

That is very true. And we as women have to be able to step back and say, wait a second, why am I doing this? Is this because I'm conditioned to do it? Is it something I saw? Is this something I really want to do?

You know?

And that I don't think that we give ourselves enough time to say, wait a second, is this really what I want to do? Because I think that sometimes women start families and they may not be ready as well.

Yeah, and also then we want to blame the other person. Truly, can you made these decisions? I remember, you know, I've been married twice now, so like There has been times where I've done things that like no one asked me to do, but I wanted to do it, and then I had resentment towards it, and that's on you and that's on me.

It was a decision I made, That's right. So I think, yes, do I think.

There's such thing as toxic masculinity or toxic Yeah, But I really think it's more based on the person, Like you either have empathy and you have self realization and your relationships or you don't.

I think you have to first, I think, I mean, looking back at it now, the more you know yourself, the more comfortable you are in your own skin, the more you've cleaned up, you're on side of the street, through the thing, whatever it is. Then you're able to really look at things from an objective point of view and say, you know what, I'm not doing that, or I do I actually do want to do this, and then you have to run a less risk of having resentment later on because you're like, no, I made a

Yeah, And you know what Tracy elis Ross may changed her mind and be like, you know what now, all of a sudden, I don't want to be the you know now that I'm dating younger I don't want to be the one making these decisions. I miss that feeling, hurse. But I mean, I don't know that that necessarily has to do with age. I think it has because it says dating younger men. I think it has to do with personality type. I do too, Like you're like I say to people all the time, I'm like, don't ask

Out, not me and I know I like you and a guy? Yeah, like you take me somewhere, Yeah, like take me something.

Doesn't have to be nice. It's not about money, it's about just don't make me make those decisions.

Do you find it attractive when men are more emotionally open and available, or do you prefer it when they are stoic.

I think sometimes stoic can come off as not.

Caring, comes off as yes, indifferent, yeah, which.

I think is the worst. What I want somebody that's crying around all the time. Absolutely not.

No, I think there's a nice balance.

Yeah.

You want somebody that is in touch with your feelings and their emotions and being able to communicate that to you. Because when someone's not, like you feel like you're talking to the wall. Yeah, that is nowhere to be and.

Then you know, I'm okay.

Like if somebody just walks out of the room, I think that's rude. But if somebody's like, hey I need a minute, I understand that.

Yeah, that's reasonable, that's real. I think sometimes just a clear communication, like I don't need a whole lot of words, but if you could just let me know, like hey I need a second.

Hey, that to hurt my feelings, I need to sorry, you know.

I apologize that.

You know.

Yeah, if you can just say something, then I'm okay with that.

Do you think that people are getting to the point where women are expecting the total package?

I think every man and woman expects the total package when you're young, and then when you're like my age, you look back and you go, I'm just looking for somebody that's decent in a heartbur you know, like certainly you're just looking for a decent human. Yeah, because what package, Like I had all that and look at where it got me.

You know, so it got you unpacked?

Honey, I couldn't have said it, yeah unpacked.

For sure, you got unpacked.

I got taken to the cleaner.

Clean it up, clean it up.

Mean, my god, this is devastating. But you are right, I got unpacked, and I yeah, you know, the total package, define total package, and I.

Can guarantee that we're not the total package either, Like whoever thinks that I'm going to be the total package.

I'm like, oh god, I think everybody knows I'm a disaster. So it doesn't even matter, do you think that?

Hold on, let me see which one I want next?

Sorry?

What does safety actually feel like to.

You in a relationship? This is very important for me lately.

Okay, So.

Safety for me is confident, Like if I tell you something, it remains between us. I'm talking like male female, I mean yeah, male female, not like friends right now, which is I also confidence is a big thing, but male female. I need to know that what I say to you stays between us. I also need to know that you're not sharing anything that we do intimately with anyone else, meaning like running your mouth. I know, that sounds crazy,

I mean, I agree with that. For me, safety is more just like I think I do have. I'm such an overthinker in general. Safety for me is like you're not going to make me overthink everything, right, Like I don't want to play games. No, I don't want to have to worry that I said this and it bothered you.

Well i'll too. If you say you're going to call it five, call it five five, Yeah, because by five thirty I'm over it and I've got a ton of shit to do.

Well.

Yeah, Like you don't have to call me every night, but if you're gonna say I'm gonna.

Call you, please do it just so I can like, yeah, it could be two.

Seconds or centertypes. Hey, things got busy. Like just communication in general feels.

Like say it feels it's safe and it's considerate, and then I also know what to do next, Like I can't I run such a tight schedule that if it's six o'clock at six o'clock, yeah, don't you know?

Yeah?

For me, I at this point in my life, being nurtured is something I need. I don't know that I necessarily needed it before, or I didn't know that I needed it before.

I need it now, But I need it now.

What about you, I'll always need it. You always need it, Yeah, I think because that nurturing to me is a give and take, Like I want to nurture my person and I want them to nurture me. I think that's a good thing.

Yeah, I agree. And then what is your thoughts on being an independent woman?

I think that that's a great idea. Yeah, and I think that it works too. I think it works to a point. But like in life, you have to you can't do everything by yourself. Just as a human being, like we all, it's a collaborative being. A human being is being a collaborative. We're a collaborative species. So I think that you know, yes, I think you should. One thing I've learned is you should have your own money. You should be in control of your own money. But

Do you think that a lot of.

This talk about toxic masculinity effeminity has to do with money or has to do with power both.

Do you think that they're always hand in hand?

I believe they are both. I believe money and power go hand in hand. I really do. Somebody's always got the upper hand, But sometimes power can be some kind of just douche lord that has that's pretend power.

Yeah, that's not real power.

What is that?

What would that be considered?

That's like that's considered toxic masculinity or just well, yeah, you're just losers.

Yeah, you're just losers.

Do you think fully development exist? I mean that's kind of a perfection. I'm sure there are people that are out there. My therapist told me, she's like, you know, you need to date someone that's been in therapy, that's actually done some work on themselves, so that you know, you have a chance of meeting somebody that understands where you're coming from.

And I think if somebody says they're fully developed, they're not. They're probably not that great of people, because like I know that I still have a lot of work to do on myself in my life.

No one will ever achieve that. Yeah, no one will ever achieve it.

And if you think that you've achieved it, you most certainly haven't.

No. No, let's talk about toxic femininity.

Oooo do we know any of those?

Where do I begin me? I'll tell you that.

Do you have the urge to like tell people like, these are the things I've done. I did it on my own, like like there are moments where people.

There's not much shut off. No, I don't think so, I don't think so.

I think I know, do you I think in relationships a point?

You know, I think it's interesting because my job, for example, is to you know, yes, of course I have all in. But before all of this happened, I mean, I was podcasting six days, five days a week, and to the outside, I would feel the need to be like, well.

Yeah, I mean, I know I'm not leaving my house and I know I'm in my living room, but this is a job.

Like I really felt the need to justify it.

I need felt the need to justify it, especially if somebody's coming and going to an office and do you think that women or men or anybody gets punished now for being too bold?

Because I've noticed that a bit now.

You mean you and I?

Yeah, I mean we were sure.

Yeah, I do. I think like I've been, I've been punished for being too bold.

Yes, you have to.

But here's the thing. Do you want to play small and play weak and be fragile and tears all the time and manipulate like that? I can't do it. It makes me frustrated. I can't bap my eyes all the time. And staying pretty is being something is something that I do for my job, Like not staying pretty, but staying say sexy, staying on top of your esthetic so that you can look as cleaned up as you can for your age. That being submissive just to pleasing men, you know?

And would he say I want you to look or act or dress a certain way?

No?

I think it was more like, this is where we're going, and I knew knew, I knew what to do, right, You knew it that moment? Yeah? You knew, and you also know, like you can't go to a client dinner and like have three vodkas and start, you know, acting like an ass. You know.

I mean, we've all been there and realized afterwards.

That was a mistake, Right, So maybe you do that once and not again.

Yeah, so, because then that become But I think we all have to like also take ownership for when that does happen, when you have too many vodkas and you're on that date and you may act in appropriately and then all of a sudden you want to blame the other person.

Well I did that because I was frustrated with what you did on the way to dinner. And Bob, Bob, do you do that?

I don't. I just say during too much.

And it was my phone. Sometimes I'm really pushing shit off on it.

Well, sometimes you have to, I guess.

Do you think women sometimes judge each other through the same toxic lens?

What question is this? I didn't write it.

You know, the world would be a better place if women cut women a break, do you know what I mean? Stop? That's what I hate the most. It's like everybody even like if you wanted to like bring it back to the show everybody's been in a s deep time in their marriage, Like, calm down, everybody, Well, I would do it this way, but we're not. It's not you.

And if you did do it this way, then why are you so upset about it? Because I don't get upset. Yeah, I don't get upset about.

Things that don't generally somewhat affect me, Like I may have to for work sake, but I don't.

You may give your opinion, but the bottom line is what someone else chooses to do in their life is their life. Yeah, I can say, hey, you know what, like I don't really think that's the most healthy thing for you that I'm not gonna lose sleep over it.

It's not like and I'm not.

I'm also not gonna provided it's nothing insane, Right, I'm not gonna stop being friends with someone because they don't feel the same way about life that I do. Yeah, and decided it's not crazy.

Sometimes I think things can also not be talked about, like if I know it's going to end and freaking chaos, like in my day to day life, like I have one friend that's just super on it over this one freaking topic, and I know if that topic comes up, I'm like, it's gonna end it Like so I.

Mean towards you or you towards her, neither just in general. Yeah, I don't want to do yet, Like I don't need to get into it.

I don't have that, I don't have.

The energy for that, and you especially don't. Yeah, I don't let me ask you with this. This is gonna Is it hard to be both tough and tender as a woman.

I think that's a good question. I think yes.

But I think for me, I am tough in some ways and tender in others. But I there are some situations that I want to be tender and I maybe don't know how, I don't know how to express that, so then.

I end up being too tough.

I agree. I think I do the same thing. And I think it's like I don't know if it's emotional regulation or learning when to like turn it on and turn it off. But I think sometimes the tougher I've had to be, especially the last few years, that the tenderness just gets overran, you know, and then and then it's harder to let down that, you know, defense, or let down that that part of your personality and really be super soft, because when you.

Do that and then you get let down, it's the worst.

It's the worst.

It's the worst, and then you carry it around to every other friendship and relationship you have.

Well, I do m what's healthy masculine energy to you?

I guess for me, I mean I'm old school in certain ways. Like I want you to open the door for me too.

I like that.

Yeah, Like I don't mind. I like, I don't want you to.

Put me down or treat me that I'm less than, but like I want you to take care I want you to want to take care of me a little bit.

Yeah, I think like manners and stuff like that is really kind. I like that. It shows that you know your mother or whomever raised you gave you some you know.

Yeah.

I mean even last I with Cruise, like I you know, I wasn't feeling one hundred percent. I'm like, hey, buddy, can you go grab my pedia light and do this? And he's like, do you want it in a cup with ice or no? And I'm like, I think that is a good tool to have.

Whenever we used to take my son out to dinner and she was young coming up and obviously it's in his thirties, but he used to always pull out my chair.

Yeah, you have to do this. I kind of forget about the pulling out that I don't get that often.

Yeah, I mean just opening the door or something like that. It's small, but it goes a long way.

Yeah. Also manners to me goes a long way.

Eats and like food is kind of closing your mouth when you chew. And that's why I hate eating on the show.

Well I know that's why you never order avocado toast. It's the biggest mistake ever.

I just hate eating the show. And you get hungry and you want to eat, but it's just like nobody looks good eating.

And there's certain things like little bites, like if it's just if it's like a little this, then it's easy you pop it in.

But like when you have to and then it's in the tea, it's too much.

I just remember that, like not wanting to so long. It's just like nobody wants to be nobody looks good when they eat on camera.

No, well we didn't look good when we drank on camera?

Were you talking to.

We nailed it?

Oh my god, I was looking at what was it? It was like some trip we were on and we just looked haggard like as a group. I'm not talking about individually, he looked I just saw this.

It was it was like airing just on Bravo and I like turned it on and I was like, why do we look so know where we were? Yes, I know, I know you were going to say that, well, because I think that trip we weren't allowed to have glam, which I never brought glam, but I would steal others GLAMs.

That's fine, you want to look good on TV.

Like I think we got the memo we couldn't have glam there, and so I think we all just looked like a big bunch.

No I had glammed it.

But I'll tell you this, like there, of course she's not going anybody, but here's the other not me, here's the other thing too. Just sometimes where was it? This was? I think before you joined it was like Mexico and it was down that Kyle had rented this place. And when I tell you, I looked like the biggest, sweatiest humidified mess, just grease all over.

I was like, oh my god, my favorite memory of of you, and like a look was when we were in the Bahamas and we all came down. It was our most fun day when we all swam together. But you had on like one of those like old school body gloves. And then all of a sudden, we get down and we go to walk across the like plank.

I walked my heels and you had these big high heels on and you just went shit shit.

But I walked across and they didn't show it. But that's okay.

But it was one of my favorite moments. I mean, while I'm lik in.

Flats well you know, and I had sandals, but I was like, we already committed to this look, you know, so which I think sometimes is like who cares? And then I think, but you do care Erica, But I.

Think that this is something I know, you know, we can give a little housewives right now. There are some women that can really pull off doing a look. I am not one of those women.

But you, because it's not an interest in me, hold on.

But you have your own style. This is what I always say. Everyone has their own style. And that's why people like different characters is because people resonate with different things. Nobody has. It's not a group of clones. It's a group of people, you know, identify with different women on different things.

Right, But I don't love watching a housewife that comes and tries to be in Erica Jane or be a Dreek like then.

It doesn't well, it just feels inauthentic and authentically like.

Yes, there are moments that I tried to experiment with red lipstick that I really regretted.

Do you really I do?

Because I remember I didn't know that you weren't supposed to put gloss gloss overad and then all of a sudden we were like started filling, starts to slide. Yeah.

But yeah, but you know what, though, you got you got your act together.

Well, hold on, we got to move back.

This reminds me of toxic masculinity, your situation with Denise Richards.

Oh yeah, tell me about it.

So what was the husband's name, Aaron that fought with us?

He was one that I think had a little bit of toxic masculinity. We kind of both got into an argument. I'm sure you let bygones be by gones.

We it was words. Yeah, I feel like the thing is, I don't like it when the men get mixed up in that.

Yeah. So that's kind of what it was.

But the other day I was dying laughing because somebody came up to me and they're like, have you tried Eastern medicine? And I'm like, I haven't yet. I'm gonna wait till you get and they're like, well, there's this guy.

Away and it was Denise's husband.

It was Denise's husband, but they said, you have to pay a ton of money up front, blah blah blah.

And I was like, well, I'm definitely not.

Yeah, and he's not.

But then I was reminded of you being on the show that I just watched, and this is the one thing that I want to talk about in regards to Denise. And then we'll move on and we'll be done, and then next week we'll talk about something else, and then I'll get sidetracked, because that's what people with seven tumors do, is that seven god tumor time.

Eric is like, when I signed on to do this pod, you didn't have any tumors.

We didn't know you did, but we found out and we're making we're rolling right through it, so fuck theseus, fuck these tumors.

We get a little sidetracked, But how upset she.

Got over the threesome conversation, and then I watched how she was on the show with her kids, and I almost ship myself.

I know, but this is something that we knew.

Well I know we knew, but now everybody knows, and nobody's given us the credit.

It We're never going to get it.

I want some talks with positivity about Teddy.

Was right listen last week. I'm always right, whether it's today, tomorrow, or five years and you were to yeah, and you know it. Sometimes it's the truth, like something.

You know.

I think people that watch the show, it's like, yeah, we said this, Yeah, there was a reason we felt this. There's a reason we felt this way. It wasn't just coming out of nowhere.

Yeah.

But you know, well in the show was saying Teddy and Erica are always right ish at some point ish right there.

Listen, there's always going to be a moment week ago. They did call that out. Yeah, they did call that out.

But only one person's going to remember, and they're not the person that's going to write it everywhere.

And that's only going to be you and me have to go on here to remind everybody remember when we telled you remember remember back in twenty seventeen.

I'm sorry, I can't remember what day it is, but I do remember what happened in twenty.

Sixteen because it gets at the port of John. You know, I happen to be, because it gets burned into your fucking memory because you're so mad about it. I know, but I've gotten so mad at shit.

That I knew.

I was like, but you knew what's coming.

It is not what happened, I know, But either way, who cares.

We're not We're a peaked in our growing or study.

Stay toxic, Stay toxic, guys, stay toxic, everybody, just stay toxic. Working for us. I do have a friend and I always text him, stay toxic with the little sparkles.

Oh, toxic with a sparkle. That's smart.

Well, thanks guys for tuning in for another episode. Let us know what you want us to talk about next week.

You guys keep saying sex. We can't always talk about sech I mean.

I mean we can, but the bottom line is there's only so much and then you know it's kind of boring unless you guys are gonna come in here and tell us, Yeah, unless.

You're gonna oh, maybe we should. I feel like we're due for a Q and A.

I like a Q and all we.

Get a Q and A listen, since we're always right.

Let's switch it from a Q and A to advice to advice instead of like, what, dear, what is it?

Dear John, dear Abby, it's not. Dear diamonds, dear dear rough diamonds, rough dimonds.

Don't we stay toxic?

Stay toxic?

Oh my gosh, that should be next week. Sounds fun.

Thanks guys, thank you so much.

Bye bye,