Ay Por Favor: Ask Us Anything (Part 8)

With Alexi Napola and Marisol Patton and iHeartRadio Podcast.

Hi, guys, welcome to another episode of I So Listen guys. You guys didn't get to see this, but we had a little bit of technical difficulties.

Oh brother.

We were trying out our new space, which is here at Marisol's house and her casita and her poolhouse in the back, which you guys are gonna absolutely love. It's phenomenal, it's gorgeous and it was so perfect, except the Wi Fi was not working back there.

Yeah, something's not something knows something's not right. Someone tripped a wire.

It's always something. But so we brought things back in here and we're gonna kill it. We're gonna make the best that we can. We're gonna have so much fun with this episode. We haven't done any ask me questions like at a time and.

Ask us anything from the audience episode.

Yeah, I hope we're due, and I feel like our beautiful fans have written a lot, so let's just get right to it.

Get right to it. So we received a lot of questions about friendships and friend groups. Yikes, what's your advice for a new friend who joins an already established friend group.

Hmmmm, well there's so much to say. I feel like new friends when they're coming into a group they didn't get UBI got and so yeah, so they need to come in the humble, you know, with an open heart and an open mind. Yeah, kind of like under the radar, and you know, listen and observe and kind of like stay quiet. You have nothing nice to say, don't say it.

That's very good advice, e Lecta. Yeah. I think that when you're starting fresh in a new group, you kind of just need to test the waters, you know, check everyone's temperature, get to know everyone, and then if you're gonna go in for the juggler, it better be like how long before you can go join don't go in for the queen? Yeah? How long do you think someone needs to wait before they, you know, join a new friend group, before they can just go in and start insulting people or go for the jugular?

You know. I think that that depends on the front group. But I do think that it's not so much the amount of time, like the amount of weeks or the amount of months. I think that you need to have some kind of trust established and the girls need to know you and you know, some kind of.

Like bond before you go there.

You know, I just don't think you can come in crazy hothead, you know and just say, you know, whatever you want to say and insult people because you haven't earned it.

You know.

I feel like you need to earn your position in the group, in the friend group, and by that I mean the girls need to trust you. The girls need to feel safe around you, and you have to be careful with you with your trust.

Your judgment before they can trust your words for sure. Wow, and you know what, that's not gonna happen overnight. You know. I feel like a lot of these girls friends group and they're really thirsty and you know they want the attention, so they're kind of like yes, so you know they'll be like fake nice, you know to a lot of the girls, and you know, I just think that they need to and then show colors afterwards. It's happened to me a million times.

Well I feel like that's eventually that's what happens. Yeah, you know, you can't fake it, you know, until you make it in these friend groups.

I know that anything not in our friend girl because in two seconds, so you know what I mean?

I love that our fans like confide in us and look to us to give them advice because you know, we've gone through it all and we want to share our wisdom and just our experience, right, And that's you know, our fans are loyal listeners and they're always looking for for questions and answers, and I love that we can

When you come into a new group, someone that everybody wants in the group. That's usually how it works. You're joining a group because everyone's like, oh, meet my new friend. She's so awesome, and everybody gets to know this new person and you have to follow them.

You might think she's so awesome, but the other girls might have a different They.

Get to know everybody to not be.

Judge, you know, come in with an open heart and open mind. Don't criticize, you know, because we're all different. You know, get to know us before you talk, you know, don't don't and you know, don't you talk shit behind her back. You know, if you have anything to say.

We always find out. Yeah, just you know, I find out everything. You sure do. I get the d MS about everything. I don't know why the audience likes to confide in me and give me on the info. And I don't always shore you'll use it. I don't. I don't I tell it to you. I don't always share it with everybody unless you know, I feel like people aren't being their true selves and then actually acting on the way they really feel.

You just have to be real and organic and genuine and authentic.

And I just kind of ride low and get to know everything and get to know everybody you know, and everybody can be friends. Okay, So when is it too soon to start name calling or start conflict when you're new to a friend group. How do you earn your place within a friend group when you are a newbie. Well, I think we just established that you need to give everyone time get to know them. Name calling is never okay.

Well it's never okay, I mean not even like after I mean I get it. You know, when there's name calling after many years of like friendship, you know, it's kind of like sisters, you know, because in sul done, you know, we insult each other and two minutes later or like I love you, I love you, But again, that's what I meant about earning it. It's like you earned it. There's a pond, there's a friendship, there's a level of us.

So then after like, how many years do you think you get a pass for saying to someone when they said something rude to you? And then you call them and ask how many years do you think we need to get through to get to that point? Do you feel?

Because I feel like at least five, you think five five.

Five for me to be like, okay, you said that and I can say you're in and we can move forward. I feel like that's happening a lot sooner in friend groups, at least in the ones I've been part of. I think there's a five year rule. Can we establish that? By the way, I like half a decade. Okay, half a decade works for me, but.

Definitely then UB never wants to come into a group and start like, you know, bad mouthing peace.

You can't rock the boat too soon because then everybody goes down.

Our our echa. One fan writes, I went out with my girlfriends the other day even though everyone knew I was in funing well. One friend took it upon herself to confront me about something I did that she didn't like, and it really rubbed me the wrong way, and I'm still pretty upset about it. Am I wrong? I guess

Right. Oh yeah, listen. That actually happened to me recently. I was on a crazy, fun, you know, get away with my friends and one of my friends was feeling a certain type of way about me and wanted to sit down and have a chat with me, but waited until I was leaving the trip because I was feeling unwell and I needed to leave a little sooner than everyone else, and said, hey, let me walk you out, and I said, okay, that's very nice, thank you. Walks me and goes, hey, why do I have a seat

Me about iPhone you did at that moment, and you wanted to walk out of the boat because you were I mean.

I was really unwell and this person is looking at it and like grow up on them because I was that bad and I needed to just get.

Home and she needed to get it off her shoes.

I needed to get out.

And I'm just looking at her and saying, thinking to myself, I've been with you for fourteen hours. Why are you choosing now to pull me aside when I'm really ill and leaving and I really can't have a conversation with anyone.

You know, nothing good is going to come from this. Yeah, so they need to get it out when they want. It never really changes the conversation. It was yeah, totally. I mean I don't remember what I said, but my tone was not pleasant because I was like, I, you're really doing this right now? I'm like, was there any name calling? Uh? No name calling? No, no name calling. You know, it was just like uncomfortable. It was just

That could have been worse. So you would have advised your friend, yeah, I did this to you. Yeah.

I would have been like, hey, listen, I've been here for fourteen hours. You could have told me this yesterday. Oh, can we talk about it maybe tomorrow, next week, yeah, or another day. I feel like there were some other friends in the group that did that. Yeah.

I agreed, like we're not going to talk now, we're not ready to talk, which I actually think it's smart.

Do you agree with that? Absolutely? Listen that both friends need to be ready at the same energy, ready to do, an energy to talk about and so absolutely you can't have one ready to fire them off and the other one's like ready to go to the hospital. It's never going to work out. So that's what happened. So you didn't work. Basically, you didn't work anything out. I felt like I felt good about it, even though I was

I feel like we can also do that. That's like friendships, but we can also like take that into our personal lives right well, Like the wife is ready to talk about something and the husband is ready, or vice versa. The husband wants to talk about something that like the wife doesn't want to.

You can't force it.

You can't force it. And reading the advice that I would give our fans, it's like, you can't force it. You have to know how to read the room. You have to know read the vibes. If your friend is not ready and she's in your case, you weren't feeling it was like a medical thing. It's like you weren't feeling good. It wasn't like your mind didn't want you to do it.

I was listen, when you're not when you're not well, your mind isn't there, nothing is there.

You can't Maybe she thought you were just trying to avoid her.

Oh god, really some of the girls I we were like hanging out for fourteen hours. Yeah, we had a lot of time to do that. Not when I was trying to escape and go home and you know, you weren't feeling it was bad. No, No, like escape to get to my house and lay down and shower and close my eyes and just try to start feeling better.

If you really want to resolve whatever conflict it is or you're in, guys, girls, you need to pick the right time.

Absolutely.

Another fan wrote in and said, I have a friend that's always notoriously late. Oh so do I to our plans? She's always late and we're all very patient with her.

I think that's a Miami thing, though, Alexi. Everybody's late and I'm just close to telling her off. What should I say to her? Well, I feel like, so, my friend, you're not the only one that that's in that position, Like Marisol says, we have so many friends, right that we can think of, that are always late and they think that their time is more valuable than anybody else's time. Yeah, and there's times that you put up with it, you justify it your understanding.

But then come there, then there comes that one day that you just want to, like.

You snap because how many times are you going to go through it? And then and then you also get to the point like how many times you have to tell your friend, Oh, listen, you tell them the time to show up is two hours earlier than everybody else's and they're still later than everybody else.

Yeah, that person wants to know what should she say to her friend? Like, what would you say to your friend? You said?

You know what? So I know I have many friends that are like that. Like I said, I grew up in Miami like you did, and some people, like a lot of people here, do not respect respect everybody else's time. And I just don't even want to hang out with people that an make me wait. I already know I'm not going to make a plan with this person because I'm going to be waiting all the time. And then I think it's rude and disrespectful, and it's it's habitual. When it's habitual, you cannot bend it.

The thing is also like I feel like it's very circumstantial, like is this person only late when it's with your particular friend group or are they late to like let's say, like they work out at the gym, or they go to an exercise costume? Are they late there? Are they late to pick up their children? I mean, because there's like late like.

Throughout the day? Are you do you really have a problem with tardiness when it applies to everything across the border like taking your kids to school, like making your doctor's appointments, your your your gin whatever. Maybe or you're only late when it comes to hanging out with us. That mean that I can't answer, but that's pretty dreadful, Like how do you even get that foreign life if you ever make it on time anywhere?

But that's a question that maybe I'm telling our listener, you know, as far as what she should say to her, maybe it's a conversation you should sit down with your friend and say, listen, I'm taking this really personal because every time we make plans to hang out, you are notoriously late, and I mean late, like an hour two hours. So I have a question, is this directly just to me? Or do you have this problem when you're driving your children to school or picking them up or going to

I mean your whole day to your Botok, the whole day consists that workout.

Your whole day consists of being in places on time, like there's you know, that's why we have and we have time. Of course it's called I feel it's a conversation that you need to have with your friend before things get ugly, because things will get ugly.

Listen, that's just that's just I mean, that's just the way that person is. If they've been doing this for a while, then I think you kind of know that they're just going to continue doing that, and then you just don't make plans with them. You see them in big groups and hang out with them. In a different type of scenario, if I had a friend that was always late, I would not make plans. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't be able to take it. I'd be so annoyed.

Whenever this happens, like in a friend group, I feel like the person gets away with it because they justify it, they understand it. Oh, well, you know I had this, or do I had that to do? Or like you don't understand my life, you don't understand this, and we're like empathetic and compassionate and we're trying to justify it. And at the end we're just like hurting that person because we're like enabling them to do it and we're

And after you have this chat with her, if she continues to be late, then you know, don't make plans with this.

Is I'm sorry, part of being a friend is being aware and caring about your friend's feelings. So if your friend's telling you like, I can't do this anymore, Like I'm really upset every time you show up two hours late. So you know what, you can go on? Make like you said, make friends with other friends, but like I'm not in find new friends. Yeah, here's that's another one. When do you feel like it's time to give up on a friendship? What are some red flags when figuring

For me, one of my biggest red flaxes, and it always takes me a long time to figure it out, is that I'm giving more in the relationship that I'm getting in return. I find that I like to help people. It makes me feel good to teach people the things like you and I love to do here on the podcast. We like to teach people all the things we've learned to manage pain and disappointment and how to get beyond it.

I mean, you've been my friend for so many years, so I've seen you, you know, and I'm still in your life. Soone says a lot much, you know, best

Can do for them.

So that's where you're referring to, like that you give so much more they don't give a return, and then you figure out who they are and then they're like gone, anyways, M.

Stabbing in the back and I'm like, but what did I do to deserve this? Object? Was ever to help? It's happened so many times. But you know, sometimes you don't see the red flags. Now you don't don't see the red flags, don't Yeah, I don't. I don't because I feel like there's still so much to give and help and it makes me feel good to do it.

No, but I feel like now you're more jaded. Now you have, you know all, you protect yourself more.

I've had a wall and a few have slipped through. But I'm not. I'm just not doing it anymore. I'm just not. I'm not. It needs to be fifty to fifty, right, I'm even okay with seventy thirty. But most people don't even have thirty to give.

That's a sign, Like, that's definitely a red flag because what happens is now you already know what to expect and what you want, what you can accept and not. So that's very important, like having boundaries and just knowing you know what's going to be okay for you and with you and what's not what's not you just push them away and that's it. Yeah, which, like for me, another red flag is accountability, Like I can't stand when you're friends or whoever it may be, takes no accountability.

I'm my biggest critic, and I know you're also. For me, it's all about getting to know myself better and being better, right, And you're very good at also, Alexia applaud you on this. You always put yourself in the other person's shoes and you try to look at it at their point of view too, so and then you can self reflect and then you say, you know what, You're right, I could have handled that better, And you're very good to apologize.

Fault, you know, because I feel like I could take criticism even if people think I can, but I can by.

The way within reason. Within reason, I mean.

Of course, constructive criticism and it's all about the delivery, and it's just kind of like hooney and saying, you know what, you're right. I do see it that way, but now I see it. You know, I want to fix it. I want to make it better.

And you know what you just said something really important popping on up. The delivery is very important. You can say things the right way and you can say them the wrong way. If you're going to deliver a complaint or a quandary or concern to me in a negative way, you're gonna get a negative answer. If you deliver it, you wrap it up in a ball and you say it in a nice i'mone, like, you know what, You're right, You're right. I should have done that better. I'm sorry.

But sometimes it's like when they get you when you're delivering something you have to.

Full time. Fama, didn't they grab me when you're sick trying to like, wait, it wasn't supposed to be like this, But that's poor timing. Okay, So this next set of questions are about R H O N. Who is your closest friend aside for each other, and who would you like to get to know closest friend aside from each other. I feel like Lisa and Larsa, right you and me?

From me, it would be Julia and Larsa. Larcia and Larsa. I've become very close to Julia and and Larsa has always been a friend. She's always been She's always given me very good advice. She's always been a friend. And yeah, Larson. For me, it would be Larsa and Julia. I want to put Lisa up there too, because Lisa is also a dear good friend. We have a lot of history together. But you know, we always say she's a different kind of friends, you know, but again, your.

Friends are your friends.

My friends are my friends with reason and with no reason, and Lisa is one of them, and so is you know, Julia and and Larsa.

Who do you want to get to know better?

I continue I'm continuing to get to know Keiki, so that's key. Gee, I actually want to get I want to get to know all the girls better. I want to get to know Gerty better. Uh, you know, I'm pretty close to Kiki, but I really want to get to know all the girls better. Like I love having girlfriends you know, and I feel like all of them have been really great friends these last couple of months to me, So I want to get to know them all better.

Yeah. Yeah, me too too. I I've been getting to know Julia better. We have a lot of fun together. Julia's a lot of fun, yeah, her and her Dan, Virginia Slims. Yeah, I agree with you. I'd like to get to know a group of girls.

You know. And you know, it's it's hard when you put you know, nine women together, you know, and and we all come from different walks of life. We all have had everyone's very opinion here.

You know, we have.

Backstory, we have all had different lives, and you know, but we do have in common is that we're all there for each other.

You know, in some back everyone rallies regardless of how you feel about someone else in the group. And you're not, you know, like pretty sensitive. We may be too sensitive science, but that's the good part because everyone can be empathetic with each other. Have you ever asked the show to cut a scene you filmed out of an edited episode? Oh? I did. I think I said the PUSSI word, and I was like, please don't put that in there. The p U S S. I. I don't remember what word I said, So.

I've never called. I mean, I have called to say that I'm very disturbed and I didn't like certain episodes or certain scenes let's call it, with the editing. But you know, I know that that's what I signed up for and I couldn't change it. What I've changed it in my real life would've wanted wanted things different in certain scenes. And I think anybody could attest to those scenes that have to do with my family. Yes, for me, it's very very hard to you know, to watch those scenes.

Maybe I said titty. I remember the way one of those there's I mean, are you kidding me? You thought that they were really going to edit that? Well, it was kind of like I feel like I said, punch it. It was like punch wait something like that. Yeah, something like that. Yeah, I thought it was. I thought it was like like I passed it. You know what they did instead they they dubbed it. They they you could like put it. You could see my mouth moving. And

You know.

It's just like I just felt like it wasn't I don't know, it was silly. It was. We were like we were in the Hamptons and everybody was you know, I was in the pool and everybody in the box. Nobody cares about it. Yeah, well I didn't want it, and I was like, can we just can we just omit that? Please?

I mean I think that the more you call and the more you tell them to.

I think that's the only time I've done that.

To edit something is when they don't do it. And and in my case, Like I said, there would have been. There's been a few scenes where I've called because I've been, you know, so hurt and upset about it because I knew it was going to be bad, you know.

For me and my family. Yeah, yeah, Okay.

So the next set of questions is about relationships. And we have a few fans that are very inquisitive and very curious, and they really want to know how we would rebuild trust in a partner after they have betrayed or hurt you, but have not cheated.

But why are we rebuilding trust if they have betrayed us?

M Yeah, after In this case, I guess it's a fan, and I guess it's someone that has been betrayed and but not cheated on, because you know, people see betrayed a lot of times as cheating, like lying as cheating. No, I mean cheating like with another woman or another man, right.

I know. But sometimes when someone lies to right.

It's a betrayal for sure. So how do you build trust again with that person? Well, I mean basically, you would just have to give the person the opportunity to try.

But I mean after a while, I mean, after like like half a decade, just kidding. Listen, after a few times, if the person's habitual in their behavior, you can't trust anymore. You got to keep it moving because people just don't change. You know that you have to. I mean, I don't know the level of betrayal, but if you're hurt and it bothered you, and and it's habitual, you know, you give them a chance. And if it's happened like more than four times, I'd be like, Okay, it's just going

I guess it's something like very personal.

You know.

It's you know, you never know when it's too much time or you know, how many opportunities are you going to give the person or not. It's just something that you have to feel in your heart and know, like in your mind. Okay, well, you know it's you know, you have to set boundaries. I mean I feel like you have to, you know, set boundaries and and and boundaries are different, you know for everyone.

You know something there could be more. I mean, yeah, how much you're willing to put up with that's up to you. I mean I I don't I don't put up with too much.

I you know, and building trust takes time also, you know, and for me it's kind of like what I always you know, tell like everyone is kind of like your actions have to match your words totally. So you know you can tell me, but you know you have to show me right. So I feel like, you know, Sally for example, that's writing in should really focus on, you know, giving the person you know time to prove it to earth, to say you know this person is you know doing the best right?

Or what are your heart outs? Like? What are those things that you can just not live with and then don't put up with that? And then what you can live with and put up with it until you can't anymore. We all know what our heart outs are.

The next question from another fan is, oh, and there's sexual attraction to an X and there is comfortability in being with them. How do you not fall into your old habits? Okay, so there's sexual attraction to an X, and there's and you're comfortable with them right and being with them right, how do you not fall into your old habits?

Well, they're an X for a reason, so all the reasons why they were an ex. How do you not fall back into that even though you still have the hots form mm hmm or her that's true. Yeah, it's dicey again. Like I said in the last question, at least for me, I have my heart outs. If you continue to do the things that I just can't live with, then it's going to be a one and done for me, you know.

So again, I mean, I just feel like you have to the way you don't fall back into those habits is by talking about it, by sending setting boundaries and just kind of like you know, know in your head that you don't want to go back to that place, you know what I mean, and you actually have to do something about it. So it's maybe doing new things, you know, and not falling back into those old habits.

And if the partner that you broke up with that you're back with now is showing you that they're willing to work within you're both giving one hundred, then that can work too. But again, it's like our relationships, everybody has to give an even amount of effort or it's just not going to work. A seventy thirty is not working.

But it's easy to fall into old habits, it.

Is, But you have to have your all, your heart out. The one thing that You're like, I can't live with that. I can't put it all that on that. That's the problem, the heart on and the heart that's your heart out right. Okay, Marisol, you have said before that when when you first met Steve, you didn't leave for three days. Did you know right away he was different from other men you have met? Absolutely not. I had no idea, he liquered me up. He did.

He thought that he was like the other guys that you had ever met. I mean, I had a feeling he wasn't.

Well you. I mean I didn't know. I had never even met him before. I showed up at his house to pick up a bathing suit and just hang out for some cocktails.

I ever left again, I didn't, but you know, you saw his face.

His face was super cute and super nice. You can see he's a kind of person. I saw him and I was like, I was like, ooh cute. And then I was like, okay, you know, I might stay a little longer, but I'm just thinking more than an hour and pick up my swimsuit. Yeah, before I knew it, it was like three am and I needed a place to sleep, and I stayed and then I woke up and he just you know, it was just like a whirlwind, the fun and festivities and but you know, I'm not gonna lie.

You're already in. Don't you think that's so? But it worked out for me, That's what I was going to say.

Worked.

What advice would you give, because I mean, this was this question. Thank you Carmen for your question. This class question was from arisol and directly, so I feel like what Krmen's trying to say is like you weren't scared, like you just kind of like inta, like you gave him that opportunity and just you know, you say said yourself, you stayed here for three days and you never.

Want listen dating in Miami, you cannot have fear. I had lost my fear a long time ago. By the time I came turned twenty one. Yeah, I started to learn you can where you were going. So in case, I had your back. Really, why are we calling all my friends? Said worse? Marisoon each other your friends.

Of course you're worried about I knew that you like them because I know that that's like what you do.

He's in the other room, forgot about Listen. It was a beautiful surprise. And I cannot tell you when you know off the bat. It takes time. It takes time because people give you their best behavior, and then they read that they reveal themselves over time. Listen. I was ready the day I was born to meet somebody nice and have a nice relationship. But it didn't work out that way. It didn't work out that way until I

We talked about it the girls the other day weber you don't remember with Lars and Julia as we drank and smoked our cigarettes. Actually that was one of that's what we said and and you.

Know, I do believe that you have a point there. There's some truth to that.

So thank you to all of our fans for all the relationship questions. I know that we are not experts, but we think we are even know we we do have a lot of knowledge and wisdom and lessons that we've learned and we love to share them with you. We were We are going to jump onto the next set of questions, and it's about health and beauty.

Not anything I'm good at.

Are healthy and beautiful.

Thanks, my friend. What's something that you should hate about your body but you secretly love my chicken legs? It's true, I love my chicken legs. Yeah that's just me though, but it says very thin legs. For those who don't know me, and I actually want.

People might say that, like, well, you would like hate your legs, but you secretly love them.

I think that's amazing. M yeah I do. I do. What about you? What about me? That's a hard one for you.

My legs, because I always wanted your checking legs by the way.

Really last You're always like they're so.

Skinny, But like you said, I felt like I want them like I was wanting long skinny legs, and I'm like, whatever, legs. I really didn't like my legs, but I secretly don't love them.

I mean, I don't hate mine. They could be a little more tone, but I don't know if we're going to pick something. And then are there any beauty I.

Didn't hit my boat when I was growing up because nobody had like a like a bun when I was going on, well, but I'm just saying like, but you know, like I secretly I'm like why but back in the day, nobody had like big legs and a big bun, So, like, you know, I didn't like it because I was growing up during those times, were like that was not like attract.

Yeah, but the face was doing all the works.

And then but then the secretly I was like, I kind of like my boy, I don't know, nobody likes it, but I like it.

I'm sure nobody said they didn't like it.

Are there any beauty hacks that men have taught you that's funny, either from your partner or someone you dated or friend. We love these questions, Beauty Hawk a friend Toppy. You know, there's a lot of metro sexual guys out there that have a lot of great beauty tricks.

I don't use men's beauty tips.

Oh, I'm kind of wondering. No, you know what, My guys have been pretty like not so much into beauty, So we don't have an answer for that one. Guys, Yeah, but we'll get back. Are there any beauty hacks that men have taught you, either from your partner or someone you dated or friend.

No, I don't have one. I can't's right now.

I can't even stand like a guy that looks in numbror more than I do. Have you ever dated some guys like that that with.

No?

Okay, good, because that's a bad sign.

Don't do gay friends that do that, but not him? I know. Yeah.

Okay, guys, well you should never date a guy that has beauty tips.

Yeah, that's a that's a red flag. Speaking of red flags, you should look into that before you get more involved. Okay, Well that was fun.

Ask us anything. I mean, we're so open, we're so free, we are freestyling.

You can ask us anything.

Until next time.

Thank you for listening.

If thanks for listening, follow us on Instagram at iPort for podcast. Make sure to write us a review and leave us five stars.

At all a proxima