Krystyn's Polamalu Birthday Bash

They're recording, and Stevie is a snoring.

Buss.

Buss.

No, bless, bless.

Bless.

I just said it with a Southern accent.

Buh.

Bless.

I asked Evie one time if it would be better that when I got upset with her and yelled at her, if would it be less threatening if I did it in a Southern accent?

100%, the answer is 100%.

Right, so I certainly did that for a time, because there was like a certain point where she was really struggling with any amount of, if I was upset with her at all, even if I didn't, you know, I'm not typically one to raise my voice, but even if I had...

I need to look at you and I was like, if I look at you, I can't hear you, or not hear you, then my microphone's...

You can't hear me when you look at me.

My eyes don't work and my ears at the same time.

My beauty deafening.

Yes, now I can hear you.

Okay, all right, so yeah, so back to yelling at our children in accents.

All right, so then for a while, if she would do something wrong, I'd be like, what did I tell you?

You better get your shit together.

I like your Southern accent is like...

Like, what is that?

Is that...

I don't know, it just comes out like this.

It's like the Appalachia...

I think we should do a whole episode.

Well, I do have family in the Appalachian Mountains.

Yeah.

Yep, I do.

My Southern accent would just...

I don't know.

What's here at Rach?

Oh God, put me on the spot.

I don't even know.

I don't even think I could do one.

I'm the worst at accents.

Remember when you tried to impersonate, or not impersonate me, but you asked me if I could impersonate what a hawk sounds like?

Do you remember this?

And I was like, what?

No, I don't know.

I can't slip into it.

I have to just wait.

It'll happen.

It'll happen during this podcast where it'll just come out and I'll be like, oh, there we go.

You know, playing my fiddle, sitting on a back porch, drinking some moonshine.

Ooh, do you want moonshine?

Would you like some moonshine?

No.

What kind of moonshine do you have?

I mean, we have all of it.

We have 13 different flavors.

I have apple pie moonshine.

Is it the little, the little tiny ones?

Like the little?

No, we don't have the samplers.

We have like, when we went to the Smoky Mountains, I mean, really, I feel like every other corner had a distillery on it.

It's like very big now that it's legal.

When it was illegal, it was like, you're probably gonna find it anywhere.

But now you can find it in every fucking flavor on every corner in Tennessee.

Like when we were, it's, yeah.

I think there's still moonshine that's illegal though.

Different states, right?

Right.

Well, I think how you distill it, wasn't that what was?

Yeah, I don't know.

I have a family member that has done that their whole life.

Apple pie moonshine.

Peach brandy.

Watermelon moonshine.

Oh, that's like such a good song.

Do you know that song?

No, it's really good.

Sounds like it.

I can't sing it.

Shut up.

Geez Louise.

Maybe I'll sing it for your birthday.

It'll be your birthday present.

This episode comes out on my 43rd birthday.

Your Polamalu birthday.

Man, I definitely have some raging hair photos of me that could rival him.

I think you guys could, you could probably have each other's hair.

His has a lot more curl.

So we could just face swap is what you're saying?

Yes, that's what I'm saying.

And honestly, I could see you being a Polamalu on the football field.

You probably have that same energy.

Just fucking destroy someone and be like, hey, how you doing?

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, but this is what I do.

Are you okay?

I feel like he is my favorite.

Will always be my favorite of all time.

Of all time.

Yep, a hundred percent.

Sorry.

We're big fans.

Connor, Connor came a close, close second, but did not even hold a flame to my Polamalu.

Your Polamalu, you have staked your claim and put your flag down.

That's right.

Nobody else can like him except for Rachael DeVore.

He's such a sentimental, full picture.

He has such great fucking energy.

Oh, we like your energy, sir.

It made it sound real dirty, but we do.

We're keeping it clean.

We're keeping it clean.

He's got that big hair energy.

I've not had more than 15 fantasies of you throughout.

Oh man.

Troy fantasies.

No, but I want to.

Know what you're gonna dream about tonight.

Now that's gonna happen.

He has a significantly different amount of hair than your husband.

I mean, almost a thousand percent more hair than my husband, which is crazy because I do.

I have such a thing for bald men.

It's either you're fully bald or you're full Troy Polamalu.

There's no in between for me.

Don't come at me with the Charlies of the world.

It needs to be full, full.

Oh, that was good.

Well, hi Krystyn.

Happy, happy, happy 43rd birthday.

Time around the sun, trips around the sun.

All the things.

I appreciate it.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

Crazy, cool.

Crazy, crazy.

I think birthdays are such an opportunity for us to reflect and set new intentions and maybe level up our skincare a little bit.

It's crazy, because when you get into your 40s, there is a lot of conversation around botox and gut health.

Botox and gut health.

Freddie wants to talk about botox and gut health.

Botox and B.M.s, that's it.

It's all about the skin and the poop.

I don't, you know, I don't like talking about that.

I know.

It makes me so uncomfortable.

I know.

Get comfortable being uncomfortable about poop.

We're not gonna talk about poop on your birthday.

Okay, thank you.

But I have gotten more into the ritual of the birthday.

It is my goal.

I even have a Pinterest board called Aging Gracefully.

It is my goal to age gracefully and love myself and not feel like I need to be anything but who I am and like really take care of my human vessel as I age.

Your human vessel.

Yeah, no, I like that.

I mean, that's human experience.

Right, because I mean, that's essentially what it is when you're born.

And everyone says body, so fuck body.

We're gonna go with vessel.

Who's my vessel?

Your human unit.

That does not work.

That does not work.

Human unit.

Anyways.

Ooh, look what I just saw on the corner.

Squirrel?

Nope.

Well, yeah, but it's a birthday cake.

It's so pretty.

So I have family.

They're not big huggers or they show affection in different ways, but not through touch.

And apparently happy birthday is too long.

So they do, this is your birthday song.

It isn't very long.

I mean, that's like the equivalent of the HBD on Facebook or text.

You just can't be bothered to spell it all out.

We do love you, but not enough to sing a full song.

You get a phrase.

Do you guys have any birthday traditions?

We have a birthday crown.

Just in the Davor, this household or is it-

Well, it stemmed from my grandparents to on my mom's side.

And then my Nana, when Emeline was born, had a crown embroidered.

So it does say Davor, and it is a birthday crown that you can put on.

I've seen that before.

I always remember in school being irritated because school would go right up until-

Because we would go into the second week of June growing up.

So it always felt like school ended right before my birthday.

So I never celebrated a birthday.

You almost got there.

Almost.

So close.

Well, interestingly enough, my birthday, Charlie's birthday and Evie's birthday, all line up with a change in season.

We all have a solstice or equinox birthdays.

That's fine.

Yeah.

Let's talk about your rituals.

I mean, I think my rituals have changed a lot as I've grown.

You know, they're not quite the same as when-

I will take you out and I will give you, I will buy you 43 shots.

Fuck that.

Of fucking camucha or kale juice maybe.

How did I just say camucha?

And kale juice.

You didn't come up with anything more creative.

I mean, I'll do 43 shots of kale juice.

You will poop your pants.

Stop it.

You have 43 shots of kale juice, you will shit on the spot.

It will go right through your stomach.

I hope you've enjoyed this podcast.

Here's our last one.

He's loving it so much.

That would be mighty embarrassing.

I remember being like on a third, like 21st birthdays, 30th birthdays, my girlfriends and I, like we would, you know, go out and whatever.

And then my girlfriends and I would, we each took a trip for our 30th birthdays, which I think we're planning to do for 50.

I don't know if we're gonna do individual trips like we did, or if we'll do one big one.

Cause we're-

Are you guys all?

Yeah, I was gonna say, are you guys all 81s?

No, I'm the youngest.

Okay.

I like celebrating individually too.

I mean, I like collectively, but really I did that for a long time.

I like to do individual.

That makes sense.

I think the only reason we were talking about collective is if we were gonna do like a big trip.

Like a Fiji.

Yeah, right.

Exactly.

Like a big trip.

Yeah, those are expensive.

Very expensive.

So where are you thinking?

Or where did you go?

Are you telling us the 30th birthday story?

We went to Miami for my 30th.

Which you and I have been to Miami together.

We have.

We know what happens to Krystyn when she goes to Miami, she gets cursed by fucking drag queens.

I had a very different experience because I was super pregnant with Graham.

Well, I wasn't super pregnant, but I was pregnant enough that people were gonna battle bitches on my behalf on the beach.

That for sure happened.

That for sure was not that way.

I was like, what is happening?

So I guess this year, I'm planning to not battle any bitches on the beach.

But I really do wanna set some intentions.

I got these cards in, I do the like FabFitFun box.

Oh yeah, sure.

The quarterly box.

And like last year or the year before, I got these cards and you can basically write a letter to yourself in them.

But it gives you time increments.

Oh, I love that.

So openness in 10 years or five years or one year or openness when you have a birthday or you're feeling down.

So I tend to write one of those every year on my birthday.

That's a great tradition.

Yeah.

And then I always do some sort of magic ritual just to kind of set my intentions.

And being that it's always around the summer solstice, I like to make a big deal of that.

Talk to us about the summer solstice.

Oh man.

You know how I know when my birthday is coming and another girlfriend of mine, the same thing, June birthday, when you can see the lightning bugs or the fireflies, depending on where you come from.

Soon as you can look outside and you can see those magical little lights.

They are.

My birthday is a coming.

That is a cool association.

I love it so much.

I mean, that's one of my favorite parts is spending time in nature.

Charlie's always like, what do you want to do for your birthday?

And I don't, there's never anything that I necessarily want to go do.

I just want to, I want to go kayak with friends or I want to go disc golf or whatever, but sitting and looking at the stars and then seeing all the little lights from the fireflies.

Yep.

So magical.

Do you know what I wish fireflies would do?

Eat mosquitoes.

That would make them the most amazing insect ever.

Yeah.

You know, we got to put a petition together, manifest some shit where other bugs start eating bad bugs.

Like I know that there's some purpose that mosquitoes play.

I don't know what it is off the top of my head, but now that I'm older, and if I go looking for lightning bugs, you know, catching lightning bugs, that's the word I was looking for, looking for lightning bugs.

I look for them.

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Are you playing hide and seek lightning bug?

But when you go catch lightning bugs, I mean, I love being out at night, but I get eaten alive, you and me both.

And like, I can put all the things on, and have the incense, and it, you know, it does its job for a minute, but no, man.

I was just listening to a podcast with Stephen, the diary of a CEO guy.

Oh, Stephen Bartlett.

Yeah.

And he's great.

He is so great.

And he was talking about contracting malaria as a child.

Oh, fuck.

And he having like visions, like hallucinations.

Did he grow up in South Africa?

Is he from South Africa?

He lives in England.

Right, I don't think so.

Where did he get malaria from?

A mosquito?

Yeah, yeah.

But his guest also had had malaria and had like quite, it was Rebel Wilson, actually.

No shit.

And she had contracted malaria and had these visions of her being an actress and accepting like an award and like all of this.

And so malaria causes your subconscious to...

After that, she completely changed the trajectory of her life.

I guess it was like she always wanted to do that, but she wasn't...

It was like an ayahuasca trip.

Right, but she wasn't doing it at the time.

Let's just go get malaria.

All right, mosquitoes, listen up.

Just come suck our blood, give us malaria, and let us know what we're doing for our future.

Please don't.

I said that out loud and I was like, that was...

Why would you put that in the universe?

I was trying to be funny.

Some sort of sexy vampire mosquito that looks like Troy Polamalu.

Somebody needs to draw that.

That would be so good.

Oh, shit.

A sexy vampire Troy Polamalu mosquito.

Would you get done with that?

I mean, I'd probably fucking end up killing it.

No, he needs to be bigger.

Needs to be something, a whistle pig.

A Troy Polamalu whistle pig.

You'd fuck a groundhog?

No, I wouldn't fuck a groundhog.

This is just taking a very strange and bizarre twist.

This is quite the birthday celebration.

What did you do on your birthday?

Somebody fucked a groundhog.

No one, no one did that.

You really think we were drinking today?

I know, I know.

We were only talking to someone who owns a brewery.

Right.

We haven't even started drinking any of the boo.

No, the boo.

The booze.

The booze.

The booze.

I want to say bruise and booze.

And I just said, oh man.

All right, Rachael, do you know, do you know anything about birthday candles?

If this is like me and Winnie the Pooh were fucked by the way.

It's funny because now every time I see a Winnie the Pooh, I'm like, oh, Krystyn, should I buy that for her?

I'm like associating Winnie the Pooh with you.

Birthday candles.

I got nothing.

Nope.

I don't know.

I don't know a damn thing.

I don't know why they exist.

I love the intention of burning candles.

Right.

I have a couple of deep dive theories for you here.

So.

Okay.

The one actually-

Is it a multiple choice?

Like I get to-

I mean, this could be choose your own adventure.

Choose your own history.

What do you think actually happened?

Well, I guess there are some beliefs that in ancient Greece, they would decorate moon shaped cakes to honor the moon goddess Artemis.

And that the candles would represent the moon's glow, and then the smoke from the candles would then carry on their wishes to the gods.

So, and that was based, again, apparently on a pagan tradition.

Naturally.

Naturally.

But there were some old beliefs that I guess, people were afraid that during major life shifts, like one has on a birthday, that evil spirits could possess the body around this time of a major change.

Oh, because you're vulnerable?

Right.

So they would do these celebration rituals in order to ward off evil spirits.

And I believe for a while, the Catholic Church actually banned celebrating birthdays because of that correlation to old paganism.

Paganism, well, yeah.

But the Jehovah's Witnesses still do it.

Yeah, they don't celebrate birthdays.

For the same reason, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because of pagan, they believe it's rooted in pagan beliefs.

So as I'd like to revisit our conversation a little bit about aging.

Yeah, let's talk about that.

And what that feels like as somebody who is, I believe, in the beginning of perimenopause, there are all sorts of things happening with my body.

And I feel like you and a couple of our other friends are so good at your supplement routine.

Well, I have the supplements.

Remembering to take them, I suck at taking stuff at night.

I suck at doing a lot of things at night.

I mean, I don't wanna take things for the sake of taking them.

So unless I know I need them, I'm not really taking them.

So the only thing that I take is a turmeric ginger supplement, which just generally helps with inflammation.

Inflammation, right?

Which is just kind of one of those things that I'm always trying to lower inflammation in the body because it's when your body gets stressed out and inflamed and then you start to have issues.

The beef organs also helps a lot with inflammation.

I struggle with the word beef organs.

I know.

I'm not gonna lie.

It doesn't sound super sexy, but.

I mean, I know there's a lot of nutritious.

It has a lot to do with your skin too.

A lot of benefits.

I mean, for almost 43 here or 43 today, I feel like I'm doing okay with my skin.

Well, see, that's the thing.

I feel, you know, I felt like I was doing pretty good with my energy until I found Reiki.

Right.

And then I like flipped everything on its head and it's, you are doing really good.

Do you want, can, you know what I mean?

I'm sure I can do better.

Right.

I just wanna find the right supplements.

Well, you do have, yeah.

You have good genetics.

Which is some of, that's half the battle.

Right.

I mean.

It might be more than half the battle, is knowing your genetics.

Now there's things that you can still play into that come into that, right?

But you know, part of that is, and the other thing about aging gracefully is, and my mom has always said this and it's so true, like your body never forgets the abuse it takes.

So if you were in, you know, so what?

I'm gonna be 42 this year.

I'm right behind you.

When I was a teenager in the late 90s, it was all the rage to have a tan and to go to tanning beds and put the little Playboy bunny on your, you know, little hip, underwear, hip line, whatever that's called, the Playboy bunny.

Come on, what?

I never did that.

Did I?

I was, I was.

I never tanned.

I can't tan.

I was the goth girl during those years.

So I most definitely did not tan.

Tan, okay, yeah.

Yeah, I was actually, you were at XFest.

I was in Osfest.

Yeah.

I was pretty anti-tanning bed.

I think I still am.

I think I could go.

Tanning beds are.

Listen, if you need, that's the thing, why do you need to be tan?

I had access to one.

My parents had one in their house.

That does not surprise me.

But see, that's the thing.

I just remember going when we were in high school, it was such a thing.

You would get tanning bed packages.

I have to go to the tanning bed.

I mean, I belong to Planet Fitness and there's a ton of people that tan there still.

No, stop tanning people.

Yeah, it's like a-

It's not good.

There is literally nothing that's beneficial about going to a tanning bed.

Like I'm all for getting a tan out in the sun.

You can be in the sun.

Yeah, give me that vitamin D.

Yeah, but even the vitamin D, that's another misconception.

Do you know how much vitamin D we would need from the sun to actually get what our body needs?

A, we would have to be completely fucking naked, completely nude.

Every ounce of your skin, just soaking up the vitamin D.

So that shit's not gonna happen.

I did go to a nude beach for my 30th in Miami.

Oh, and?

Mostly nude.

What, did you not get nude?

Your bottoms?

I went topless, yeah.

Okay.

I mean, was it an experience or were you kind of like-

Oh my God, it was such an experience.

I know, I just hijacked this story about vitamin D.

Okay, this is way more appealing.

But, so me and my golden girls, right?

Not her boobs, those are her friends.

No, they're the-

You call them the golden girls?

No.

No.

My friends.

That's what I'm talking about.

My boobs have different names.

God.

Just letting our listeners know that you weren't talking about your boobs.

I was not talking about my boobs.

So we all went down to, now I'm trying to remember, not all of us went topless.

I think two of us went topless, and maybe the other two did not get rid of their clothing.

It is very weird to get into an ocean with a lot of seaweed when you're not wearing anything covering you.

So we go back and we're laying on the towel, and we had set up towards the back of the beach, right?

So you had to walk by everybody naked.

I mean, we were, I'm just-

This is our first time ever at a nude beach for any of us.

Right.

And so we set our towels up towards the back of the beach, and we're just taking it all in because there's a lot to see.

And all of a sudden, a DJ sets up an entire dance floor behind us.

Apparently it was like nudist week or something, like they were celebrating some special thing.

And he like kicks on the music and there's just things are flying everywhere right behind us.

This is amazing.

Oh man, it was such a time.

Just jingles a jangling girl.

Of all ages?

All ages and sizes and all the things.

Well, so they actually at that time, the beach was split up and there was a LGBT friendly portion of the beach, which I find interesting.

I would wonder if it is still that way.

But we took a taxi.

Taxi driver just like giving us the look as we're hopping on out.

Yeah.

Did you feel like your nude beach experience was met?

Yeah, I would do it again though.

Yeah, I would too.

Yeah, I would definitely do it again.

Well, I've been to European beaches where it is what it is.

Yeah, I mean, there is a level of confidence.

In freedom.

In freedom.

I do remember taking a video.

And now, mind you, this was like 13 years ago.

So I didn't have a great phone.

Oh my God, I will remember.

It had to be a Blackberry.

Like, I don't even think I had an iPhone yet.

Oh man, I loved my Blackberry.

I had some sort of phone that I could take.

A video?

Video.

It might not have even been a phone.

It might have been an actual fucking camcorder.

I don't remember.

I'll have my friends the details of that.

Subway love.

We will never find that.

It will never happen.

I kind of hope that I can find this video though, because I was videoing this dance party happening behind us.

And I remember my one friend getting really upset with me because I was videoing.

I was like, they're just out here doing it in public.

I'm fucking, I'm videoing this shit.

So now-

What you do in public is publicly able to be recorded.

Right.

And that would be my one hesitation with today is social media.

And doing that on a public nude beach.

That same friend, she sent into our group last week that there was a nude cruise.

That might be too close.

Right.

I mean, would you want to be the people that are on that cruise next?

Well, there's bear asses sitting everywhere.

I feel like there's got to be some sanitary issues.

Are you allowed to just belly up to the buffet without clothes on?

I don't know.

That does not go well in my brain.

Right.

And I also wonder if they have policies on photography, video.

Oh, I'm sure.

I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure.

You know, you don't want to be, ugh, I don't know.

I've never done a cruise.

I don't think I'm going to start with that one.

I haven't either, but man, that dance party was a rager.

So yeah, anyways, back to the vitamin D bullshit.

We can just move on, but also stop using tanning beds.

I do a D and K combo.

Yeah, well, you have to.

Your body won't absorb vitamin D without vitamin K2.

Yeah, that's the other, that's the only other supplement that I take, like on the regular.

We are not doctors or medical professions by any means, so we don't recommend you guys take anything without consulting your doctor.

I mean, do your own research.

There's so much out there, and you can go, you can get your own blood test done.

I definitely wanna get that done.

Like you can go to functional medicine doctors that are going to really look at and analyze your blood work, your makeup, and like what is gonna work best for you.

There's also a test that I really wanna take that I was watching this documentary on Netflix about your gut health.

It was actually really well done.

And it basically will identify foods that you should avoid because your body just, it just does not cater to the makeup of your particular body.

It makes me so mad though, that this is not a part of our wellness care.

It's for everybody to have this testing, to be able to know what's beneficial to your body, what genetic markers do you have that you're predisposed to certain illnesses, how to fucking take care of your body.

Yep.

So that we're not then dealing with the sick care on the other end of it.

Fucking so spot on.

And as they say, you either pay the doctor or you pay the farmer.

So, you know, pay attention to what you put in your body.

The other thing that I am a big supporter of, just because I've had to do it not only with myself, but also with my dad specifically, is like you have to advocate for yourself.

You have to listen to your intuition.

If somebody is putting you on something medicine-wise and you're like, no, this is just, you know, is there an alternative?

Is there something else I can do to combat whatever the issue is?

The answer is yes.

Whether or not that doctor is going to go down that path is a different story, but just advocate for yourself.

If it doesn't feel right, then it isn't right, you know?

And certain medicines are fantastic.

And, you know, there is a difference between sick care and healthcare.

And if you need your life to be saved, you've been in a horrific accident, or you're battling something really, really, really intense, fuck yeah.

Yeah.

Medicine is incredible.

There's amazing life-saving medications out there.

Yeah, but if you're, like what we're talking about is just aging gracefully, paying attention to your signs, paying attention to the fact that aging is happening, and you don't need to reverse aging.

Like, I just am not down with this whole industry that's reversed my aging.

Why?

Like, it's like, almost like, let's take the experience we've garnered up to now and let's just poof, gone.

Right, when really the conversation should be about what kind of damage to our body and our organs can we reverse through healthy habits and healthy foods?

Yep, yep.

Right, because as you learn and grow, that's part of that journey.

And like, our parents were doing the best they can, and a lot of people now, today, it is more expensive to eat well and be well than it is to stay on the trajectory that our country has created for our society.

And it's happening younger and younger.

Mm-hmm.

It really is.

Yep.

You know, we have a limited amount of information just based on our own research.

There are so many studies out there saying so many different things.

And so, again, just do your research into what feels good for you.

And maybe look into, you know, functional medicine or somebody that you trust.

Yep.

That can help you down that path.

It gets very confusing as you get older because until recently, there's not really a lot of research or support for women in perimenopause and menopause.

I mean, when my mom was going through it, perimenopause, I didn't even hear that word.

Never.

It just was menopause.

That's the only word that existed.

And after you turn 40 is when you started menopause, but every woman does it differently.

And even the last time I was at my gynecologist, I was asking her about it, and she's like, you don't really need to be worried about it until your cycle really starts to change.

And in my brain, I was thinking, that's not true.

I immediately was questioning that because I was like, I don't think so.

Like I'm very hyper aware, I'm not on any SSRIs or anything like that.

And so I don't have anything that would inhibit the feeling sector of like my body and when things start to shift and change.

Like I'm very attuned to that.

So I was like, just because my periods are regular does not mean that stuff is not changing in my body.

I can feel things shifting.

Like I can feel some of my hormones shifting because certain things will trigger me way more than they used to.

And I'm like, this is hormonal.

And it does have to do, it still has to do with my period and my cycle, no doubt.

But I was like, what a cop out answer.

Well, until your period, until you start missing your periods or they become like ravagely uncontrollable, I think she said.

And I was like, oh my God.

I listened to a podcast this week and it was somebody in the field of gynecology and had really moved her research and her practice into midlife perimenopause and menopausal women.

And she was very transparent and was like, I gave terrible advice.

Fascinating.

For 15 years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Until she started to kind of dive into it more and see that there's like such a huge need for it.

I love that, love that.

If you guys have any information on this, or like doctors you recommend, or reading information, like reading materials, anything, we would love to share that with our listeners because most of you are either going through or going to go through or have been through exactly what we're going through right now.

Yep, and we're here to share and we're here to create a community with you guys.

And also for our male listeners, like some of this might help you connect more with the women in your life that are going through things because I can only imagine what it looks like on the outside.

Like we can't figure it out for our damn selves and it's happening to us.

So I can only imagine what the guys in our life are feeling or our kids.

Our kids, yeah.

I mean, it's a lot, life's a lot.

How's that birthday?

You know what we didn't do?

What?

Welcome to Two Mystic Mamas.

See you next time.

Oh shit.

Just kidding, we're not done.

We are so not.

I was looking up a note that I had saved from one of my clients who was talking about supplements that helped her through the great change of life.

And apparently this was in February.

And I don't know if you and I recorded the same day as this, but at the end of this note, it says, in quotations, Einstein did a lot of things with many things until he got to the light bulb.

Insightful moments with Rachael DeVore.

Einstein didn't even fucking create the light bulb.

I know.

Jesus Christ.

He said it, and I recorded it.

Cheese and rice.

Another great Rachel-ism.

Listen, you do not want me on your Trivial Pursuit team.

Maybe, maybe on your Pub Quiz team, because I will pull out some crazy rando fact.

But nine times out of ten, oh my God, last week, we went to a restaurant and they were having quiz night.

And it was like, what is the Russian capital?

And I walked by this table and I was like, St.

Petersburg, it fucking wasn't.

It was Moscow.

And they wrote down St.

Petersburg and they got it wrong.

And I just ignored them.

Like I didn't, like I did not say that.

Were they waiting for you outside at the end of the night?

Man, the confidence though you had to just like cruise by and drop that little bit of knowledge.

Geoff will call me on it all the time.

Cause in the beginning, he was like, okay.

And then finally he was like, is it?

And I'm like, I don't know.

I just fucking said that.

I have no idea.

He's like, well, how do you, what?

You just said it like you knew.

And I was like, I know that's a gift.

Maybe take some of the stuff she says on this podcast with a grain of salt, friend, salt, grain of salt, friend.

Just a grain of salts.

Einstein and the light bulb.

I think I knew where I was going with that.

Einstein was an inventor like Benjamin Franklin who created the light bulb, but they are two different inventors and they lived in two different times and they did very different things.

You also know things.

I know things.

Charlie had this serious heart to heart sit down with me yesterday.

And he was like, listen, I'm really concerned about the fact that we did not have the time to finish watching Ted Lasso.

I was like, wow, he is like really intense about whatever we're going to talk about.

And then it was fucking Ted Lasso.

Yeah, but he probably was dead serious, wasn't he?

Yeah.

It has changed his life, hasn't it?

100%.

Yeah, yeah.

See, Ted Lasso does it.

So I'm saying, and when it's over, you're going to be like, I'm not ready for that to be over.

But that's the beauty of that show.

Cause then there's other shows like Grey's Anatomy, which fucking needs to end.

Yeah, I never, I mean, I've seen a couple of those episodes, but I never got into it.

Or Days of Our Lives.

No, the Days of Our Lives have moved the fuck on.

I remember my mother would watch it every day.

My grandmother called it her story.

I have to watch my stories.

Those are the days of our lives.

I did, I went through a phase where I loved it in high school.

You know, it's really funny.

I was in this little establishment that serves food and Charlie and I were sitting there and then we're just-

Did Stefano walk in?

He's dead, by the way.

Oh, how many times?

I was like, that's true.

It's so true.

God, he has got some karma.

That's Stefano.

Real life, real life, real life.

Okay, anyways.

Real life, there were just two women that were running this joint, right?

And we're sitting there and I don't remember what we had ordered, but they had this old TV mounted in the corner and they would sit there and they would watch Days of Our Lives and they would knock it up to cook your food until that fucking commercial came on.

And this was in the last five years we were at this place.

I didn't even know it was still on.

Is it still on?

I don't believe so.

Final season of Days of Our Lives ended in 2022.

Yeah.

Not that long ago.

No.

But the 50th anniversary season of The Young and the Restless was the 22 to 23 season.

Is it still kicking?

Yeah.

And the Bold and the Beautiful and General Hospital.

What?

Who's watching this?

I don't know.

If you're watching this, I need you to email us.

We need to have you on the podcast because I need to understand.

Yeah, we need to understand the psyche.

Right.

Let us know.

Are you DVRing this?

Because aren't these shows on in the middle of the fucking day?

Is DVRing even a thing anymore?

Oh yeah.

People still DVR all the time.

My dad DVRs Jeopardy.

God forbid they miss Jeopardy.

How did they take Alex Trebek's passing?

I mean, I don't think anybody took it well, but they didn't know it was coming.

But there will be only one.

You know who should also stop?

Stop, just stop?

Pat Sajak.

Oh, Pat Sajak and Vanna are still going.

They are still, but he's a little salty.

This is how we're showing our age right now.

This is how we talk about aging.

Have you seen him on Wheel of Fortune?

If people like-

I have not.

We don't have TV, TV.

Okay, well, I don't watch Wheel of Fortune either, but the last few times I've seen it, where like contestants like maybe don't know it, or like he's just getting real salty.

It's like spicy and salty.

It's like real miserable in his old age.

Wrong answer, you asshole.

Yeah.

Oh, you can't figure it out.

Ooh, boo hoo.

And I think him and Vanna.

You can't tell me they haven't fucked.

Oh, I don't know.

This long working together?

I was gonna say fight.

I'm sure they fight too.

Maybe they fight fucked.

What's the first rule of Fight Fuck Club?

Answer the puzzle.

Don't mess it up.

Man, we have really gone down a rabbit hole.

Happy birthday, Krystyn.

Thanks, babe.

I got you on Wheel of Fortune.

Man, I'm...

Ooh, what if we try to get on The Price is Right?

Okay, what would your favorite game show be?

It would be Wheel of Fortune.

Because I am weirdly good at it.

Same.

Yeah, Charlie and Evie are like not...

Anytime I have the opportunity...

What would your first letter be?

Ooh, it's gonna depend on how many letters there are.

I have to see that puzzle first.

Don't go based on the letter.

You know, you go based on puzzle size.

I tap into that intuition.

It's always R.

You always start with R.

Well, I don't know.

I'm feeling P right now.

I don't know.

Rachael.

Should we have a live Wheel of Fortune game with us?

Geoff can be Vanna and Charlie can be Patsy Jack.

Wait, we should make them both switch throughout.

They can take turns.

Yes, yes.

We have to get them a fabulous sparkly dress to wear.

Yes, yes, and heels.

And they have to do the wave.

We should text them right now.

Guess what, guys?

New idea.

He must have gotten pulled into a meeting.

He called me twice before we started this, because he wanted to be on the podcast, because he heard me editing the episode with Geoffrey.

He walked through the room and I was editing the episode where Geoff called in.

And he was like, what the fuck?

So all day, he was like, what time are you recording?

What time are you recording?

I'm like, I don't know, we have a meeting at 10.

So like sometime after that.

All right, let's call Charles.

Hello.

Hey there.

Welcome to Two Mystic Mamas.

Hello, Charles.

Hello, how are you?

Good, you know what we just discovered?

Our favorite video, no, not video.

Our favorite game show is Wheel of Fortune.

And-

Oh man, we could go on as a team.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, but we would need two other teams.

Anyways, you and Geoff are going to be Vanna White and Pact Sajak.

Okay, it will make it less boring.

Do you think they fucked?

I don't think Pat is classy enough.

Interestingly.

I would agree with that.

And I think she's, I don't want to say like pretty monogamous, but I'm pretty sure she's been in a fucking long-term marriage.

Isn't he married too?

Yeah, they're both probably married, but you know, I don't think, I think the class has to do with it.

I don't think Pat's classy enough.

Yeah, and I do think Pat has gotten like...

Yeah, I know.

I think he's gotten kind of spicy in his old age.

He needs a different job.

Is he still doing it?

Of course.

He needs no job.

That's what he needs.

He needs to fucking retire.

That's how removed I am.

I thought he passed away.

No, that was Alex Trebek.

Oh, they're one and the same.

No, they are fucking not one and the same, Charles.

Oh, my God.

Does Sean Connery look like fucking...

Oh, no, you're not going to be another one that has a weird heart on for Alex Trebek, are you?

No, but Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak look nothing alike.

Nothing alike.

They certainly don't look like Sean Connery.

Pat Sajak looks nothing like Sean Connery, but Alex Trebek does.

And Pat Sajak looks like Skinny Short MacGyver.

What?

Yeah.

They're both boring.

You're boring.

Okay.

You know what?

Hold on.

Hold on.

Hold on.

I just, I need to...

If you don't have strong opinions, I dislike both shows very strongly.

We're going to get another take on this real quick because...

Real quick.

Charles is on the phone with Krystyn and we're on the podcast recording and we need to settle a debate because we were talking about how Krystyn and I's favorite game show is Wheel of Fortune and how we want you and Charles to be like Vanna White and Pat Sajak and we're going to do this whole like ha, spoofy, fun, it'll be hilarious, right?

And Charlie said that Pat Sajak and...

Alex Tremont.

Alex Tremont.

I had a total that they look alike.

No, no, no, I didn't say they look alike, I said in my brain, they are the same.

In my brain, they are the same.

He said that they're the same.

Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek.

But your wife also thinks that Alex Trebek looks like Sean Connery.

But do you think either of them look like fucking Sean Connery?

I mean, Alex Trebek could kind of look like Sean.

Man, I wish I had a good Sean Connery accent to whip out right now.

But I do not.

Welcome to the Rock.

Oh my God.

Do you know that Sean Connery was James Bond?

Yeah, no shit.

I don't think there's ever a world where Pat Sajak or what's his other name?

You're really struggling here.

Thank you.

Okay, that's true.

I would agree with that.

But I also think of The Rapist for 500, Alex, you've seen that Saturday Night Live skit?

Yeah.

That's probably the best part about that show is that skit.

The best part about Jeopardy that's been on TV for 40 years is about the SNL skit.

Yeah.

In fact, I would watch any SNL parody on either of those shows before I actually watched the show.

Oh man, he's-

Are you telling me you've never watched Jeopardy?

No, I've watched them.

I disliked them both very much.

Wait, you dislike Wheel of Fortune?

Wait, you dislike Wheel of Fortune?

Jeffrey.

Oh my God.

Yeah.

Do you have any opinion on any of this?

Well, they follow each other.

What about Family Feud?

Can we go on Family Feud together with Steve Harvey?

The house versus the divorce.

That would be so good.

That took number one.

Yeah.

Bye bye, Wheel of Fortune.

What?

It's terrible.

Oh, now he has a fucking opinion.

Yeah, now he's joining the conversation.

You ever seen, so they're like Steve ass knees.

What's one thing you'd never want to, if you're breaking into a house, you never want to walk in on?

The guy slams a thing and goes, naked grandma.

Oh my God.

All right.

Thanks for coming into the podcast.

Thanks for joining us today.

Stay tuned for the best episode ever when Jeffrey and I are all by ourselves.

Geoff just fucked up.

He's like, fuck this.

If you are celebrating a birthday, happy birthday.

If you're celebrating a half birthday or quarter birthday or three quarter birthday, happy birthday.

Yeah.

Happy, happy.

Hey, also let us know what your birthday traditions and rituals are and how crazy and bizarre they are.

That would be fun.

But there's some really good ones out there.

I do the note thing though.

I think I'm going to start that because I wish I would have done that.

It's those time capsule things.

I did do that in high school.

And then you opened it, like you did it, I think in seventh grade and then you opened it when you were a senior.

So it wasn't like like crazy amount of time.

But I feel if you do it when you're 10, you open it when you're 20.

You do one when you're 20, you open it when you're 30, but you do that every year.

So this year, I will open one when I'm 52 and then move forward.

No, I think it's so good.

I think it's so good.

I think so too.

We should actually create merch that does that.

Incoming.

It's happening.

Two Mystic Mamas merch.

It's going to come to you guys.

Yep.

We can only come up with merch when we think about it in the podcast in the moment because that's just how it works.

That's how we work.

All right, well, sending you so much universal love on your 43rd trip around the sun.

Thanks, love.

And maybe we'll do a dance around the circle 43 times.

That would be cool.

Oh, that would be fun.

I think I'm going to have a little summer solstice soiree.

Yes.

So we'll go dance around the woods.

Yes.

I love that.

All right.

Go dance around the woods.

We love you.

We do.