Episode II: The Sandy Boys and the Top Athletes in Paris

Ring Ring, Ring Ring. It's episode two. Two guys, five rings, one podcast.

What do you make of the title of this.

I think it really says what the podcast is. There's two guys, me and you, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. There's five rings, which you explained to me, is the five sort of I'm putting in quotes continents that compete in the Olympics, which I was blown away by Oceania, And now I kind of think we should just kind of do five. I know there's technically seven, but I kind of like five.

I like five, isn't Oceanya the name of the airline and.

Lost Oceanic Airlines ocean Really happy that you said that Oceanic Airlines flight eight fifteen, that faded flight. You know, that plane went down and not everyone survived. But I'll tell you what, like it was a great show, great entertainment.

Yes, please do your best in I'm gonna time it in thirty seconds. Explain the ending of Lost. Do you think you can do that?

I can your time tis now. It's actually so basically Lost. The people class on the island, and at the end of the series you find out that you know, some of them actually did get off, but they go back to the island to sort of right their wrongs, and in doing so they it was really a religious allegory.

And that's thirty seconds. I think that was the most concise explanation of Lost I've heard in my life.

Can I tell you if you had gone back in time and told me when I was watching season one of Lost that it was going to end so badly that I would be unable to even really describe what happened, I would have been crushed. I was obsessed with Lost.

Yeah, a lot of people were, gosh, keep forgetting this as an Olympics podcast.

Well, the thing is like, that's sort of our whole thing. It's like, we're gonna get around the Olympics and see, it's not called five rings, two guys, it's called two guys five So you kind of have to get through us before we get to.

The Olympics, and like it or not, we're here. We're the guys.

You know who's not lost? All of the Olympians who qualified for the Paris twenty twenty four Olympics, they are found. They are found in their purpose, they are found in their drive. They are going.

To really go for the gold, I'd say, I think they're all going for the goals and not for nothing. They're going for some of the brand partnerships too. Okay, let's just say it. These people want to shill for Ritz Crackers, for tag qeber watches, for a Coca Cola product, and we celebrate that.

Thank you for speaking truth. Endorsement. Would you want as an Olympian? What would you want sort of you know, plaster all over your singlet on the side of your car or your mobile, Like, what do you want? Like, what do you want labeling you?

This is so hard, This is really very hard. I'm going to follow my gut, Like I said, Ritz Crackers first, just now, I want I want Nabisco. I want anything Nabisco.

That would be so funny. You first of all, you being cookie branded, I think is exactly right, Cracker branded, Cracker. Oh, Nibisco's not cookies.

Well, nibsco is cookies. I'm sorry, but I'm leading with Rits like Rits is my favorite and Nibisco really slayed that with Rits.

Yeah, I would agree. I would agree. I would want to be sponsored by Sprite. Oh, Sprite, I think would be a real I want to bring back sprite, and I also think those colors would and everyone away.

I think you're right. I drink it every day, do you? Actually not every day, but it's famously my favorite drink in the world.

Now, can I ask you a question? And I really knew the answer to this is sprite and seven up the same thing.

It's slightly different for me. It's a Pepsi coke situation, right, It's like the formulations are slightly different, they have different Gosh, it's so interesting. I could write a whole movie about soda manufacturing.

You should. There's a big demand for that.

Well in a post Barbie landscape. I think what's coming next is the soda movie? Is the Coca Cola movie?

Didn't we talk about doing coc Cola the movie.

I pitched you a Coca Cola the movie idea, and I'm really plud.

To did that. I think there's huge brand recognition there. Huge Everyone knows it. Everyone knows that, but no one knows the story. And that we would say that was a real little culture if this was our podcast, but we cannot.

We cannot.

Everyone knows Coca Cola, but no one knows the story. Now you would do spray. Why sprite, Yeah, because I also think the word sprite would encourage me to go fast, like you're a sprite. You know, you feel very light, you feel very like.

It's a great word.

I don't know. I feel energetically that it would do wonders for me up here. And you know, it's all mental. It's all sports is all mental. I should reveal at this time I actually am the child of a coach. Father. Yes, my father, Richard Rodgers, was a varsity football and baseball coach for forty years.

One of the great coaches of Long Island.

One of the great coaches of Long Island. Was referred to as a defensive genius. Okay, he was a defensive coordinator, and he's very good at what he does. And if I know something, it's that sports are all mental. You gotta get your head in the game.

Yeah, okay, As Zach efron Win said.

Boy, he say it. He's saying it. He's saying it, gets your head in the game. One of the great sports songs.

One of the great sports songs. Your dad is a defensive genius.

So he was a defensive coordinator.

I see.

That was his position as a coach. When he did foot and he was referred to as a defensive genius. I mean that's what he said. I don't believe football is an Olympic sport.

No, it should be just fine. Well, apple doesn't fall far from the tree because you're defensive and sometimes you're a genius.

Drag me on the pod.

Oh my god, it's very.

Alphabet Glenda Codd. This is very what is this feeling?

What is this feeling?

Loathing?

Now now that we've gotten brand partnerships.

Out of the way, yeah, this is That was the two guys part.

That was the two guys part. Now let's talk about the five rings. Okay, yeah, today we are talking about our top athletes to watch for the twenty twenty four Paris Olympic Games. There's a lot of people, yeah, a lot of people competing.

So many people competing this year.

How did whittle it down to three, wouldn't you say?

Incredibly difficult to whittle it down to three? And we kind of did, kind of didn't like, there's a lot going on here. It was very hard. On the last episode, we talked a ton about Simone Biles, and it's hard to say that she is not the star of the games, like, she's definitely, you know, at least if you're an American and you are, you know, supporting America in these games not a given, not a given. I remember years ago

Oh yeah, those were really great.

That was a whole scandal. Oh it would be really good to have a good, solid Olympic scandal this year.

Yeah, what would that be?

I don't know. I don't want it to be dark, but I do want it to be to have intrigue, Like I don't I don't necessarily want a Nancy Kerrigan Tanya Harding situation, but I don't not want that.

Well, let's remove anything criminal, sure, Like I would love if this Burlett if there was like a Housewives esque a fun l like Ives esque thing, like a Reality Vontee situation.

Like we don't know why, but Simone Biles just goes up to Katie Lady at the opening ceremony, points her finger in her face and goes, you owe me an apology, And she goes, I was not trying to sabotage your event. She goes, you were trying to sabotage my event. And by an event, they don't even mean any of the gymnasts like stuff. They mean like it was a cocktail

I already know the answer to this, what if she performs well under pressure? But I think that's kind of when the Twisties came in in Tokyo, was when she was feeling a lot of pressure, us being like, can this olympian who's won seven Olympic.

Medals perform under pressure? Let's look, I don't, we don't know, we don't know the twisties once.

Meanwhile, we haven't lifted a damn limb for any sporting event in decades.

No, remember, wait were you? Did you play on the softball team that we sort of did in college?

Didn't? I came to watch in support and clap, but you guys were all very.

I remember when you came and washed and supported and clapped. I was playing. I think that was the last time I grabbed a baseball bat.

Oh god, you know what, I genuinely want to do what I want to join a volleyball league back in New York, But I just don't have the time. And once, you know, once I have some free time in the future.

We should do doubles beach volleyball.

Oh my god, that would be so fun.

We should. We should figure it out to play doubles. Do you play tennis for the Olympics.

I can tell you something. Freshman year of high school, lowest ranking person on the JV ladder for men's tennis.

Well, that's not good.

I was so bad at it, terrible, but I appreciate the sport.

You don't think now you'd be better?

No, no, not at all. Why would I be better? My joints are falling apart. Would any better?

It is so true what they say. I mean, it's interesting, like when you're a little kid and you hear them talking about like, well, you know, she's twenty six, which is geriatric, fri a gymnast, And then you hit your late twenties, early thirties and you realize, Wow, it's not the same. I go to Barries three times a week. I feel like my body is disintegrating from the inside out. I used to run a four to thirty six mile. Oh wow, at the age of sixteen.

Just goes to show, just.

Goes to show. Your body goes. Hey, if you're out there listening, do something with your body now, because every day you're aging, every single day, every single second. As you listen to this, your body is giving up. So use it, use it.

And there is nothing more important than your health. No, I mean it.

Go to the doctor like a gay man. I say that to everyone every three months. You need to be at the doctor. Listen. You signed up for Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. But back to someone Miles. Some moan be careful out there.

Oh my god.

But you know the thing about the Olympic village is they do absolutely you know, I've heard there's condoms.

Everywhere, and that is actually the global experience that the Olympics can give. And no matter where you are from in the world, no matter what event you are playing in, even if you're not even playing in the games, but you just happen to be cruising in the Olympic village. Use a condom.

Use a damn condom. Okay, because we don't know where the sabotage begins and ends. Okay, and let's talk about this. We know there's been some shady all right in the past. Like not gonna say too much because I don't want to put target on my back, But there might be some countries out there we don't like America so much, and they might be trying to sabotage our athletes. They might be sending in people, you know, sort of crawling with the stuff, and they're they're trying to needcap us

Yeah, don't get Jeff Galulid in the bedroom, honey.

Don't get me started on Jeff Blully. Simone I think is going to do great. I just want everyone to leave her alone until she does the events, because you know, she could potentially tie the all time gold medal record by a female athlete, and that's of any country. Okay, It's just there's a lot going on.

Let's just quickly run through some of the numbers. She needs more than four to break the all time gold medal record by a US woman, Jenny Thompson swimming at eight, needs one medal of any color to break the tie with Shinnon Miller for most Olympic medals by a US gymnast at seven.

Were going to do that. She's going to do that. I'm she's going to do that.

Yeah, needs more than one gold medal to break the record for most Olympic gold medals by a US gymnast at five of any gender. No, I think she. I think she'll probably, I.

Mean, no pressure on her, but I think she will do all this stuff. Not to say it'll be incredibly disappointing and and will all feel not as good if she doesn't do this. But again, no pressure, all the most decorated, you know, female athlete of all time, blah blah blah. Like, just have fun. Just have fun.

That's the least you can do.

She's twenty seven years old, and can you believe they're calling her old? Can? First of all, you couldn't pay me to go back to being twenty seven? Okay. The return to Saturn not a million dollars. No, No, Simona is going through her return to Saturn like next week. And that's why I'm saying, go easy on Simone. There's a lot going on the basically what's happening in Simone Biles' life right now And you can find this out if you listen to any media that RuPaul is a part

Oh, thank you for saying that. I think we're coming off of cancer season when the Olympics will be on going into I don't know what the season after that.

Is Gemini No, wait, no, that's wrong with Gemini's.

Now now it's Gemini into cancer?

Is it? Leo? Leo?

It might be Leo.

It's gonna be a lot of performative stuff.

If files been to the metal of any color she will be the oldest US woman to win an Olympic gymnastics medal since nineteen forty eight. This age thing is really tripping me up.

Twenty seven years old and old. Twenty seven years old and she's elderly. They're ready to toss her. That's what they do to women.

Yeah, but not Simone. Don't count her out. No, I think Simone is gonna have a bright future.

Well, she's certainly got that star quality. You know, how tall would you say she is?

I'm gonna say four foot ten she is four eight.

Wow, she's a little slip of a thing. She's a little nothing.

I think she's gonna be very, very important to no espionage efforts.

Four eight. I can't. I can't. My mind can't wrap around that.

Four eight Does that make sense? Like she can really sneak in.

There, diva. She's Simone Biles. She can get into anything because she's a decorated, world renowned athlete. She's cutting the line at the club. This is yeah, yeah, hi, I'm Simone. Hey, Simone, we're so honored that you're here. It's not even like we're so happy you're here or you're on the list. It's You're honored, You're honored. What a chik name, too, Simone, what.

A chek name. Now, let's talk about another chic person.

In the water. Oh to be shekh in the water? Not since Selena Gomez have we seen someone so chak in the water. That is my That is what came out of my mouth just now, because I meant, did you see a single student video with Selena Gomez?

Is that when she was chic in the water.

You've never seen anyone look better in the water than Selena Gomez. I swear to God, if only she could swim competitively, that would be something to watch. But well, we have Katie La Ducky.

We wouldn't even be talking about Katie l Ducky if Selena Koonez could swim. Give bet.

I would love if one of the pop girlies just made a hard pivot to Olympics.

It's like when I'm Mike White was on Survivor.

It's sort of just like that.

You don't have to be doing this.

Oh lookod for you? Certainly not. No, Mike White had no right being as good at Survivor as he was. Came in second place. Did you know that?

It's very impressive. And now you do remind me I have not seen his season.

You should watch his season. It's wild.

I think Katie Ladeki will be not the Mike White of the Olympics. No, but whoever beat Mike White in his season of Survivor. But we can't control these people's lives.

No, no, but we can influence them Katie. Katie needs three medals to become the second most decorated US Olympian of all time after Michael Phelps. Can we just get into that for a second, like this is Michael Phelps has twenty eight Olympic medals. If Katie gets three, she'll get to that two spot, which means, I mean, this is major, this is history.

Which means if she gets two gold medals, she ties for all time gold medals for a female athlete at nine, which is wild to me. How are you as a swimmer, It was okay. I don't have to build for it. My torso is too short, my legs are too short. I just don't have I'm not, as I said to your last episode, I don't have the litheness that is required of a swimmer to succeed.

You have so much strength, though, and I mean that in every sense of the word. You have so much strength to you. Thank you, and so do you. I only see myself reflected in my sister. We are so emotional and the Olympics haven't even started, you know what I mean. Like we're already emotional, Like Bowen and I are crying right now on the podcast, and it's just because we we know what it takes. We know what it takes.

I bet if we put our mind to it, we could be We could be Olympians.

I'm telling you we need to figure out is it. Maybe it's not tennis, because you're saying tennis has been for you. I think it's beach volleyball. I think me and you beach volleyball is not only something that could be fun, but it's something that could really pop off.

Oh yeah, I think we write the movie. I think it's like Forget Top Gun, Like we're writing a whole movie about beach volleyball.

And do we call it Sandy Boys?

I think we have to.

No, that's a first idea.

No, I think we have. No, it's the right idea.

Can we say, just for everyone out there listening, this is just advice for us. First idea always is the best. Go with it. If you're a creative, if you're someone who's writer, performer, performer, the first idea is always the best. Always go with your first idea.

And anytime you hear someone say that seems very first thought, that's not a bad thing.

No, no, no, just be like, yes it is, and then be encouraged.

And then that's your press story. That's the press tour story. It was the first idea.

Yeah, I want to talk about one more diva and it's Shakarry Richardson to carry h Carry. Now. We talked about how we were looking forward to seeing some drama. I don't want to see any drama when it comes to Sha Carry, because, as we know, she was disqualified for testing positive for marijuana at the twenty twenty Olympic Trials. But she enjoyed a breakout season in twenty twenty three,

Well, can I just say the thing about shure like literally any other drug, she's out right yeah. But marijuana. It's like if she can still win like from a weed. Hello, you would all be shaking in your boots, shuddering at the thought of her running without weed in her system.

Come on now, it's like, weed is not going to make you faster. Trust us. If you can trust us on one thing, it's that we'd slows you down. And if Sha Carrie wants to do a little reefer, if she wants to get a little reefer, madness letter, but she's only hurting herself. It's not like she's giving herselfs a performance enhancing drug. I would love to see it. If that, If Mary want to wear a performance enhancing drug, we would be in the Olympics. We wouldn't need to

Oh my god, honey. If watching X Men ninety seven, say it was an Olympics sport while I was off my ass, I'd be winning gold.

Baby. If you made having opinions on Bravos the Valley while Stone, I would be Katie Ladecki right now, second only to Michael Phelps. Only Michael Phelps did you know, years ago, I did a sketch where I played Michael Phelps, and the game of the sketch, which is that was just the little shop talk. The game meaning the comedic idea. The central bit of the sketch was that he was chowing down on McDonald's, and they practically made me eat the McDonald's again and again and again. I didn't know

It relates to Matt Rogers playing him in a sketch where the game, as in the central communic idea of the sketch was that he had to eat a bit.

Of showers down. He had just wrapped up his events. He hit up McDonald's, which I get it.

We do want to mention one more athlete this I think you're gonna like this one. Matt Okay, Caleb Dressel sweety hotty?

Is he a hotty? Let me look it up.

I think he's gonna be like the first sort of object for a lot of people.

Hold on a second. Yeah, I just google, like, I just googled him and I have a big crush on him.

Now, well, there you go. That's all it takes. Listen, he took a big break. He's he just had a kid. He is living in a sweet, sweet life, and he is he lives on a farm. He works on a farm.

This person would have ruined my life in middle school, Apollo Anton, Oh.

No, oh no, I say, oh no.

This guy would have taken over.

It would have been Caleb Caleb. Caleb Caleb is very special. And look here he's wearing a speedo in this People magazine.

Shoot. He's really going for it. Oh my god. That's the thing. It's like, I just Olympics. They give you perfect specimens of human beings. Like remember just watching like as a kid and being like, oh yeah, that's how a body can look. You don't see them. They don't make them like this unless they're Olympics.

They don't make them like this.

You don't see these Kala Dressel types.

No, you don't see these types. Also another mental health king took a long break, took a nine month break after twenty twenty two Worlds to focus on his mental health. Like, this is someone who knows his priorities. This and also I'm rooting for Cale, I'm rooting for him too. Do you see his massive leg tattoo? What's the tattoo?

It is a full, full tattoo like that covers his entire right leg. Google this, get Google images out. And by the way, thank you j Lo for wearing the Versace dress in the late nineties. So we even have Google images because we wouldn't have it without j Loo. So I know Jlo. It's going to a rough moment right now. She had to cancel the tour. But pay some respect to Jaylo because she's the reason why we have Google images and we can google Caleb Dressel's full leg tattoo.

Which have you seen it? It's a lot of line art.

Listen. I'm not saying I love the design. I'm saying I've never seen this on an Olympic swimmer before. Badass vibes. Caleb. We love you, Caleb, we love you. We're obsessed with you. We want to invite you to be on the podcast.

In the Olympic village, you're gonna be bored, so come and talk to us.

There's gonna be temptations though. I'll tell you that.

No, no, because.

If I'm in the Olympic village, I'll tell you who. I'm slipping a note mister Dressel. I'm saying, Hi, it's nice to meet you. And then we take hands and I put a little note in his hands and it says my room number.

Wow, that's how you got it.

That's how I flirt, Hi, how are you? I slipped them a little note, tiny handwritten note. We remember before we were like, we want drama. Get this. Depending on his performance in Paris, he could become the second most decorated US Olympian, depending on how Katie Leadecki does. So remember when we said like men and women weren't competing, they actually are in terms of the history books. Who is going to become the second most decorated US Olympian

This is the Housewives moments we were wishing for. Forget Billy Jean King and that other guy. This is the Battle of the Sexes we've been waiting for.

By the way, really underrated a good movie.

I didn't see it.

You have so many sports movies to watch. You have to watch Bendett like Beckham, and you have to watch Battle of a Sexist. Otherwise, you can't claim to be a fan of Kieran Knightley or Emma Stone.

Oh, this is starting to go a little too far for you to question Left. The podcast is officially gone left episode two, and you question my fandom of these actors and actresses, you have got another thing coming.

I want to talk to you offline. I want to talk to you offline. And I'm pointing we're gonna wrap this pockcast up and then I need to talk to you offline. This is the way you treated me today, very very unacceptable. Let's wrap it up.

And let's give the metals out. Okay, bronze, bronze, I'm gonna give my bronze to Oh, This.

Is so hard. This is hard. You know what, I think we have four I think we have to just leave someone out of it because we don't want to preasure her.

Okay, but okay, we've got gold, silver, and bronze. Let's do palladium. Palladium metal is going to be our fourth medal. Fourth place palladium. I'm gonna give to Katie Ladeci.

Okay, you've taken a side in the Ladecki vers Dressel fake war. We're making up about who's going to become the second most decorated Olympian.

And I'm gonna give. And you can disagree with me if you want. I'm gonna give.

I don't, I won't.

I'm gonna give bronze to Kleab.

Okay, okay, what took him out of the running for silver and gold? Because all he did, all he did was show up, make us a little h word, be a great dad, have an interesting tattoo, and be an amazing athlete. So I don't understand, well, I don't understand.

That's a diamond dozen to me. There are straight fathers who look hot with tattoos all over the world. I can tell you that. Okay, I'm in Vancouver, Canada right now, and they are everywhere lucky.

So that's why.

And the reason I gave him Bronx is because between Sha Carry and Simone, I go, this is tough.

Because Shakira got to give Simone the silver.

I was just gonna say, we're giving Simona silver because we can't give her too much pressure with gold. Sha Carry is going to wew us in Paris. I know it.

Sha Carry, you spiritually have won the gold medal on this podcast because we're giving you the gold medal that you deserved in twenty twenty. Because these squares couldn't take you should carry us to victory. Shake carry us to victory. And now that you're off the stuff, you're gonna run so fast. First of all, can I say this is because a lot of people need to smoke weed to manage their anxiety. Yeah, okay, And actually it's medicinal. And this is ridiculous and I'm so tired of squares. Oh

High, and I hope that for all of us, really, all in all situations in life.

Can I be honest with you? Can I be totally transparent?

Please?

It's Saturday, it's twelve thirty PM. I might smoke some, Shakarry.

It's the smoke hour, as Willie Nelson put it.

I tell you something. You know who is very proud of sha carry Beyonce.

I have no doubt.

There is no doubt Shakarry is getting.

The Beyonce flowers, the bouquet that Beyonce sends two people every now and then. She deserves it.

There's no question who deserves those flowers. And it's sugary.

It's sha Carry and Simone and Katie and Caleb.

All the four, whether they're palladium, bronze, silver or gold. We are watching these four and we're watching all of the Olympians. And this has been our episode that really zeros in on the top girls. So now you the listener, you know who to be watching.

These are the four. There might be more, and there might be there will be more. A Galuley that man is forty four.

God, it really it wasn't a good moment when I realized I wanted to be you know, well, that was actually the first time I ever saw Sebastian stan So just another reason why Itanya was a great film. Listen, next episode, we're gonna be getting into the Olympic village.

I'm excited.

And if you thought that this podcast has already been fixated on zex, just know that there's more coming. Sex sells, Okay, it's what tells. It's what got us this podcast. I took one look at us, they said we need these two hotties.

H I sent Torso shots to the producer.

Of both of us Ooh, you can't send photos of me like that. It got us the gulner ball. Watch every moment of the twenty twenty four Paris Olympics beginning July twenty sixth on NBC and Peacock, and for the first time, you can stream the twenty twenty four Paris games on the iHeartRadio app and listen to two Guys five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts and wherever you get your podcast bo should we taken out with the Olympics theme? Yes, woo a little. The Bot Books Book of the Bo