Okay, girl, hey girl, let's go down the shoet, which let should be established a little greeting.
I think we have to find it. What do we do? Like, do we just say two guys five rings? Yeah?
Or we say or we say ring the word ring five times?
Oh that's good, that's good. I love that.
Okay, okay, okay, here we go, ring ring, ring, ring ring?
Wow? And would you believe we just created that gold? Like Bowen, I have to give I have to really give you the credit because we sort of canonically and iconically come onto our podcast Last Culturistas with Ding Dong and then who you are saying? Ring ring, ring, ring ring? This is a natural.
Progress sort of analog. Well, after all, this is our new podcast, two Guys, five Rings, where we talk all things Olympic.
Yes, for those of you who sort of arrived here because you want to hear about sports and didn't even know who we are, I'm Matt Rogers, I co host the Lost Cultura's podcast.
And I'm Bowen Yang. I also co host The Lost Cultursa's podcast. Now, would you say that we typically cover anything athletic on our let's say, day job show.
I actually don't remember the last time we spoke about sports or athletics at all, which is and a lot of people might be surprised to hear us hosting this podcast, and what we would say to those people is we're surprised too. But really, I guess this makes us like sort of a podcast for the Olympics for the every day.
Absolutely, I think we are the surrogates for people who have seen challengers and think that is enough sports for me. But that's not true. There is no ceiling on sports. Wouldn't you say.
There is no ceiling on sports, especially this Olympics because it's the summer Olympics. Buton and this is really going to happen outside, and it's gonna happen in Paris, and Paris I heard has beautiful outside. Now I know you've been to Paris, so don't pretend that you've not been to Paris. Now, I know you've seen the outside of Paris.
Oh, I was not putting up any pretense that I have not been to Paris. I was just starting up a conversation for you and the listener to discuss Paris, the beauty of Paris.
Have you been to Paris in the summer?
I happened to Paris in the summer. I've been very lucky to be in Paris in the summer hot but and the people are hotter, oh honey.
And it's about to get even hotter because these athletes are coming now. I would say if we ever talked about the Olympics on our podcast, it probably would have to do with, you know, just how hot some of the athletes really are. Actually, just the other day, we had a conversation about winter olympian Apollo anton Ono being sexually formative for you specific But but you're saying that he wasn't for you.
We know, I Paula's friend. No, I'm just kidding. I yes, absolutely Listen.
I feel like an awakening.
For me is more. I'm going to speak more collectively, like any men's gymnastics event. I oh yeah, I kind of real I re realize what I'm put on this earth to do, which is to watch people with bodies do amazing things with those bodies.
Yeah, there's gonna be a lot of that this summer. There's gonna be a lot of that this summer, I guess. Today on today's episode, we're here to talk about the top storylines. Two guys, five rings. There's some storylines happening that are there's really narratives and really there's Every Olympics is a dramatic story, you know what I mean? Like that, that's what's so great about it.
The Olympics are soap operas writ large, wouldn't you say on the world stage?
You know? On our other podcast, what we do right now is say that's a rural of culture, but not what we can't but.
We can't right here now, just to give everybody a general lay of the land for what we'll do in this podcast. Every episode we will discuss a different angle of the Olympics. Today, as Matt has said, we were discussing the top storylines going into Paris twenty twenty four, and then in future episodes we will talk about specific athletes, specific events. Gosh, what else, I mean, what else is there to the Olympics besides those things? The village?
Oh yeah, I think we we definitely. That's actually one of the things I'm most interested in is to be totally honest with you and with you in transparent Like for me, I want to hear about the horniness of the Olympic village, like if if at any point we can have someone from the ground like sort of report in, like I would love to hear even if and this is just any athlete that hears this and wants to
come in and we can do that that creepy voice thing. Yes, if no, I think he wants to go on the record and someone's just come spill all the tea about how Hornett gets in the Olympic village, I'd be interested in that.
I would be very interested in that. If you are listening and you work for the IOC, and you were the person who designed the single bunk bed cot situation that is supposed to discourage athletes from engaging in sexual encounters, please come on this podcast. We will distort your voice to protect your identity.
Also, first of all, you can't. You can't sort of stop athletes. I'm sorry, you can't. I'm sure that they run their heats, they swim their heats, they perform their heats. In the case of I guess the synchronized swimming, which I guess is now has a different name. It's now and it's now.
Oh gosh, we were just briefed on this by our lovely producers. Give it up for our producers, by the way, they're going to be doing a lot of work well right now in the Zoom. We have Vents, we have Jason, we have Sean. We have a whole star lineup of producers with us, and we're grateful to them. Mostly what's going to happen on this show is we're going to be fed some wonderful information by these people who actually
do care about sports. They that we don't care, but these are people who live in breed sports and know how to communicate those facts to us. And we are the lens through which those things get refracted onto you, the audience. And we were great.
We are but a vessel.
We are but a vessel.
And here's something I know about sports. You, me and our three producers. We could be a basketball team, a squad. There are five of us, a squad. We could be a basketball squad. I know this from chiefly from watching Space Jam.
I was just going to be a Space Jam.
I did play basketball as a kid. This is this is actually a topic I wanted to bring up with you before we get into the actual information. When is the moment you have peaked athletically, What is the fastest you've ever run? What can you look back on in your life and say that was a moment where I was physical the house down.
That's really tough. Can the answer be there is no moment.
Well, lately you've been working it in the gym, but that's not the same as sports. Okay, you know what I mean?
Well, can I say there was a two week period where I was a member of the YMCA on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn, New York, and I was getting into that pool with all of the toddlers and our lovely elders in the community, and I thought, you know what, I'm healthy.
I'm going to do this.
And then two weeks in, I thought, I'm not going to be in this skin soup as it were, like.
It's very much skin soup at a public pool. And I will say this, this is an athletic thing. I got athletes foot at my gym, and I don't want to gross anyone out, but these are the kinds of things that athletes go through. This is injury. I've been doing an injury which is by my own hand. I got athletes foot from what showering with no shower shoes.
You gotta get the shower shoes.
I thought I could trust my community.
No no, no, and make sure when the shower shoes go home. First of all, you take a bag from the swim trunk dryer above the swim trunk dryer in the locker room, put your shower shoes and.
That go home.
The first thing you better be doing is wiping those down with lyesol.
Guys say, I hope that all the athletes are listening right now. This is good stuff. They need to be writing this down lifesol. Seriously, go the extra mile, as it were. And I'm not just talking about my long distance runners. I'm talking about everyone. Go the extra mile in terms of protecting your feet and body this summer Olympics. One thing about Bowen Yang is he really doesn't even have to run because his legs are so strong that he actually at a walking speed is faster than any runner.
Hmm. Thank you, my sweet honey, my sweet dear.
You should see him when he needs to go somewhere. And can I say something that my friend Matt Rogers is it depends fare to say classic lie swimmers built. Yeah, you know, had they had swimming in my high school, I would have done that instead of track and field, which I did do you know? Just to answer the question for myself, I was a little track and.
Field you were a track and curly guy. Oh and it really it all kind of fits into the biography really well. I think, what is this.
We've been doing this now for ten minutes and forty seconds. This is I literally said to myself, how long am I going to be able to go without saying my mile time?
Come on, give it to us.
It's happening now at a minute eleven, four minutes and thirty six seconds. Oh wow. See bons jaw dropped and he knew the information. Well, anytime I'm reminded, it's like who cares about me? Like scoring well on the SATs like every either no, no, no, but what I care about? And this is like this is like a prince in the Popper situation, like I would rather have a for an under five minute month mile then know anything about math.
This is the classic thing with you and I, the alphabet and Glinda of it all, like it is the two sides of the same coin. It is had you can't and this actually is true. And again we would say it was a real culture if this is our podcast, but we cannot. We can you cannot have a By the way, it's not just scoring well on those tests. You hate a perfect score on the ACT. Okay, a thirty six Okay, let's talk about that. You cannot have a thirty six on the ACT and a four to
thirty six mile. You can't. You'd be assassinated by jealous people.
Oh my god, but they're out there, Matt.
I know, I'm so scared.
I know, let's get back on topic. We're here to talk about the Olympics.
We're here to chat about the Olympics. And but now I just think you sort of get a sense of our lens. I think what we really did there. But is we set this podcast up. Now everyone has the love expectations that they need for us and our Olympic know how, it's really just gonna be a little bit. I mean, we're we're we're what is it. We're Waldorf and statlering.
This Statler and Waldorf absolutely Muppet reference, Muppet reference. And we've mentioned on this Olympics podcast Elsaba and Glinda and Sis Datler and Waldorf, and.
There's gonna be so much more, well just kidding, we're gonna get into the actual Olympics. But we're going to take a quick break and we're gonna come back with real Olympic commentary.
We're bad, sure are now, Matt. Before we before we talk about our top stories going into the Paris Games twenty twenty four, let's just do a general exchange of what are your What do the Olympics mean to you?
Great music? Can I say I love hearing the music? I love hearing the Olympic theme. I don't know if I could sing it for you right now? Could you? Yeah, yes, yes you can sing it.
If I can sing it, you can sing it.
I kind of gave flute, you kind of gave trombone, and that's kind of what we give.
And that's what we give, flute and trombone.
What about you? What jumps out when you think Olympics?
I think I truly do get emotional at the idea. And this is what the five rings concept is. It is the continents of the world coming together to all five.
All five.
No, well, look it's America's Asia, Africa, Europe. People forget Oceania.
Oceania, enisod is that sort of what Australia is.
It's like Australia And then you know your your your islands above those Pacific islands, and then Antarctica we count out unfortunately, because the penguins are competing.
No, they're certainly not, and I wouldn't want them to because can I tell you something, They cheat nasty, they're cheekers, and they dope, they're cheating dopers. And let me tell you something, if you expect to win against the penguin in the ice luge.
Oh, the Summer Olympics at the same.
You're in denial. Hunt, You're in denial. So well, let's get into it. These are the top storylines of the Olympics this year. First of all, we said it, will say it again. Paris. Paris landmarks are going to be a backdrop to these games, including like the opening ceremony. This is for the first time ever at the Summer Olympics, the ceremony will not be held in a stadium. It's going to be a parade of boats are going to start the ceremony sailing down the River sin allowing about
three hundred thousand spectators to attend the celebration. So this is clearly. They watched Lady Gaga at the Venice Film Festival and I think that That's where they got the idea for this.
I think the IOC and the planning committees are always studying Lady Gaga in which she does. Who's to say there will be you know, like a bloody sort of costume change transition that then leads to a piano valid version of Born this way.
I would love that, honestly. Don't don't count out that Lady Gaga will perform at these opening ceremonial Olympic Games.
Actually, but can I say something you can from what I'm hearing, it seems that this opening ceremony, beyond the sort of newness of it being outside out of a stadium on the River Send, it is celebrating literally and this is actually why we're qualified to talk about this culture. It is because Paris is the center of that, as we know, and I think they're really they are really actually leading into that aspect of it. It's going to be like a cultural celebration of like fashion, music, film,
all of it. Okay, in addition to the athletics obviously, but like you're going to be seeing a lot of different things that you didn't expect, and I think we can. I think it's I think it's out there in the press releases, like there will be like an SNL fifty boat, Like there will be like a boat at the opening ceremonies with SNL cast It's so crazy.
Do they invite you? They did not invite me.
But that's okay.
Who is going to be there if not you?
Some of my wonderful fellow cast mates, and I'm so happy for them. And I wasn't given the ask.
But that's okay. That's not what it's about. We can I say if you're not upset, I'm upset on your behalf. This feels ridiculous.
It's not ridiculous. I get to host two guys five rings with my best friend. You're right, I am involved in the Olympics. This is going to be I think this is going to be required supplemental listening, not even supplemental. This is going to be the event for people to consume the Olympics.
For It made sense to me. Everyone the world is watching this podcast. The world is watching this podcast, which is a visual medium. What do you think about how the equestrian activities are going to look at Chateau de Versailles.
Well, I'm gonna be thinking, yeah, sure, horses but that was where Kirsten duns filmed scenes from Maria An Twinette.
Thank you. Yeah, that's all true. That's you know. I went to Versailles one time. Can I say the people there were not kind to me because I am one of the most American people out there, So I'm it probably was because I was running through the streets being like, do you guys have ketchup? But anyway, they weren't. They
weren't crazy nice to me and Versailles. But it like it could have had to do with the fact that I, like you, was more interested in like, so where did Kirsten Dunce, Like where was her trailer?
Do you know they shut it down every Monday really during filming? Wow, So they said like, look, which is crazy, like only for Sophia do you do that? Do you shut down Versailles truly? Or the Olympics as it were the Olympics. It's like, you know, we're we're racing horses, there's animal there's animals rooming about. But Versailles. Now that it's no surprise that they were route to you, because
I think that's part of the experience, right. They want it to total like it's you know, pre Revolution France.
I've always felt I've always felt that Paris was like New York City and Versailles was like Long Island or Jersey, you know what I mean. Absolutely so, just everyone who's watching the equestrian stuff, just know that you're getting the Jersey people.
You got to take a train out there. The people are rude and there's horse racing. Yeah, that's all Jersey to me. That's all Long Island. To me, that's Long Island.
As there's gonna be beach volleyball at the Champe de Mar. That's going to be an interesting thing about this podcast is hearing me pronounce French stuff.
I think you're going to get your hit rate's going to be seven out of ten.
I was gonna say, what are you gonna give me? Seven out of ten? That's pretty good. So, but you're an expert in this talk about how you're French not French.
I have no association with the Nation of France with French culture.
But you did live in Montreal and during your formative years.
And in my formative times as a child, I grew up in Montreal, Quebec or the license plate stage Suvillan, which is a reference to I remember when we were part of France. Isn't that dark? Yeah, even after they were let's say, annexed by Canada, they still went it's it's it's like a step child going, you're not.
My real dad. Yeah, it is very that petulant, petulant teenage.
Everything comes out.
To teenage petulant when you're Montreal. Well, French is Bowen's first language, so that's why I'm saying pronunciation wise, we got it.
We got it online.
Now, talk about watching beach volleyball in what is very much an urban park. Is is that going to take you out of the experience.
No, because I'm going to be looking at the players. Beach volleyball is one of the honest things you can do. It's one of the hottest and most fun things you can do. And I would also say that the excitement factor is through the room. This is why I think one of the most exciting things to watch, because it's truly challengers coded. Yes, in that it is head to head, head to.
Head as it were, or heads to heads.
Heads to heads. I'm a huge beach volleyball fan.
Oh absolutely, because you know what's great about beach volleyball, What fast. Yes, it's a fast game. There's never a dull moment.
It moves.
You're never like, all right, should I get more pop port? No, you are glued to the screen. You're watching these people dive into the sand to spike a ball that they have no chance of getting.
Can I say, like, as someone who is a huge like I love sand?
Why what well everyone hates sand?
Can I tell you something, I've really come around on sand because I used to. I used to actually, because my my biggest problem was when I whenever I went to the beach, I didn't brush my singing good enough. And I would bring it into the car and I'd bring it into the house and I would often find that sand would get in the bed. And you have shared a room with me in Fire Island, and what's in the bed grains and grains a lot of sand
of sand. But that's okay. I feel like I feel like that's even if you come.
Around on it. Why why have you come around on it?
Because I feel like I'm embracing who I am now, Like I'm a sandy person and so watching these people get all sandy, that's my culture.
Okay, all right, okay, let's talk about Simone.
She's back, babe.
I mean she has the wind that her back. In terms of the story, don't we thinged? Oh yeah, I think there's I think she will amaze us, but she doesn't have to clear too much in terms of her accomplishment for this to be has a history making Olympics go for her.
Yeah. Well, so for the uninitiated here, Simone Biles withdrew from the twenty twenty Tokyo Games. She suffered a case of the twisties where she had disorientation in the air. I guess she just had a little bit of like I guess when you're a gymnast to say you have the twisties as a gymnast, they must be really bad because you're constantly twisting in the air. A yeah, for it to deter you, she must have really needed a break.
If she can win at least one medal at these Games, she will become the single most decorated US Olympic gymnast. She's currently tied with Shannon Miller, who also has seven medals, So this could be a major major moment for US Olympic gymnasts.
Now, what would happen? Well, how would you react if Simone was about to take the floor, but then I.
Would become swollen with pride. I would become swollen with pride.
Hold on, okay, so no one is about to take it floor. A hush falls over the stadium.
Oh my god, I'm already like really anxious.
And then like it was this salut the double doors fling open.
Oh my god.
And who walks in in her heels but Shinn and milk.
She says. And she crossed her arms like this and fixed her neck and said, all right, come on, giry. She's standing on the other side of the vault, looking her dead in the eyes as she runs down, and she says, break my record. How dare you run? Leap and vault land with both your feet and get your score together. If you can, you'll knock me off my perch. Very intimidating girl.
But then Shannon does it, does a tear away, and she's in her single.
And she goes, oh my god, the bitch is back. I qualified at World, so I'm ill fed at World. So I'm doing this too. Oh my god, You're not breaking Anyway's record? No, And can I say oftentimes the Olympics gives incredible narratives, But just in case it doesn't, you can just listen to this and sort of play this back.
Let's say it's August twenty twenty four, the Olympics are done, or like let's say September twenty twenty four, and you're like, I didn't really get good story this year. Just listen to that part of the podcast.
Yeah, yeah, just go back and imagine a world.
Now, can I just I really am so curious about what you think with this topic. I feel like the twisties, It's like the closest comparison I can draw is like the yips in baseball. Yeah, these things need better names because they're serious things and they're real things, but the names just sound too silly, Like these are like really
big obstacles. And like if Simone Biles had come out and said I have aerial disorientation syndrome or whatever, if it sounded like medically legit or something, or even half pseudo legit, like people would have been like, oh my god, don't worry girl. But because she had to come out and say I'm having the twisties, people were like, you freak.
Like I think there was like this weird blowback on her where like she could have if it was called anything but the Twisties, it would have been twenty percent less stressful on her. In terms of the media blowback.
I mean, I guess that's like something that's happened in the last few years as people. I guess, like because there's so much more talk about like mental health and like doing what you need to do and self care that when an Olympian like engages with that, everyone's like, no, it just feels like they can't be humans. But Simone Biles is a human. She couldn't necessarily find a better thing to call the Twisties and the Twisties. But she's a human.
Let her cook, Let her cook, And she's a human who happens to speak English, and in the English language the Twisties are called the Twisties.
I don't hate the Twisties. It feels like you're coming down hard on the Twisties. For her to put the word twisties in a press release like she had to at some point, and yeah, in twenty twenty couldn't have been easy. That's why, really, why we're here just to kind of tell the pr when they have aerial flop syndrome.
Right, So a lot of pr people do have aerial flop syndrome, as we know looking at you Jlo's people.
Okay, truly update the way you do things. You know. Speaking of women, Bo, there's a big question this year, and it's will US women earn more metals than US men For the fourth straight games. Women have been dominating. I believe it was Beyonce who said girls run the world, and I believe it was the Spice Girls who said girl power. In the nineties. Gloria Steinem was huge in the feminist moment and it's really.
Carried over definitely. The Beastie Boys said.
Girls, Fisher did, and.
Lena Dunham had a show called Girls.
Wrote a whole show called Girls. And I feel like they've all been very inspired to greatness here at the Games, and I think we're going to see even more women sort of tear you know. In Tokyo, the US women won sixty six medals. That was fifty eight percent of US medals, which exceeded the total number of medals won by all other delegations except China and the Russian Olympic Committee. So, you know, two big.
Ones, two big ones. But the big question, as we go into this Olympic Games as it pertains to women and their medal count will be with the soccer teane. There's a lot going on here. They've got a new coach, a lot of new players, coming off their worst ever performance in the FIFA Women's World Cup. Now I remember this. I don't get much sports news, but this is something I caught wind of, and I think these girls, I'm rooting for them. It's an uphill battle. Yeah, you know,
let me tell you something. If they can get in there and bend it like Beckham, I think huge things are going to happen. Remember that movie? Can I tell you something you never saw it?
Don't ever talk about Kira Knightley again? And I know it's one of your favorite things to do, and I don't often do you know? You lie to be writing history. You always want to weigh in on Kira. You haven't even seen her breakout role. You don't even know what bended like Beckham is. Ye I bet you wouldn't even know the half of it. If you were a soccer ball gun put in front of you, you could never bend it like Beckham.
I don't know.
It's not a hot phrase. Bend it like Beckham and it feels incredible.
Wasn't he Like, Oh, they had a body double of him in the movie like they're waiting.
Yeah, Yeah, that wasn't really him, right, Why.
Don't you think he she should have done it? That would have been amazing for his career.
I mean, the man loves to be on camera, so I'm shocked that it wasn't really him.
Well, I've seen clips of it. I've seen it. I will say it's played multiple times.
It has.
It did play multiple times in the background of my childhood living room because my sister would watch it with her friends.
I want you to watch it.
Do you think it still holds up just stylot, I think it probably does.
Okay, Well, I haven't seen it in many years, but I did see it like when it came out, really because we were like, who's this new girly Kiera Knightly? Right, maybe that wasn't her first movie? I feel like that, And no, definitely wasn't first. She was like so young, she was very young. So young.
We can't discuss Kiera Knightley's career on this Olympics podcast, can we?
Well, I think we've just proven that we can. And so basically, if you've been listening to this podcast and you think this isn't sports, you're not necessarily right, but you're not necessarily wrong. But what it was was two guys, five rings, and the two guys are me and Bowen Yang. And there's going to be endless episodes of this podcast going forward until, of course, the Olympics ends, and then the podcast ends endless.
But Matt, shall we give out our medals for our stories? Gold?
Silver, Yes? Okay, great, Yes, I think bronze medal goes to will US women earn more metals than US men for the fourth straight games. Yeah, that's something that we're really following to want the gender wars to keep going. I don't want to fan the flames.
No, everyone is on the same team.
Okay, Bronze medal goes to women versus men. Silver medal I'm going to give to Simone Biles just because I don't want to put gold medal pressure on her. No, because there's a lot of pressure on her. And I just want to say, in terms of Simone Biles, I just want people to be like, yes, she's competing, it's not a big deal. Yeah, Yes, there's a lot of stakes. It's not a big deal. You're gonna give her the twisties if you act like it's a big deal. So
just shush, let her compete. Shannon Miller standing over there with their arms folded, being very cross but you know, just silver metal like, lower the stakes.
Lower the stakes, and finally that means gold goes to Paris landmarks as backdropped to the Games.
Yes, I am so excited to see Paris. I mean not actually in person, because they were rude to me and I never did get my ketchup, but so excited that there We're going to see many shots of the Eiffel Tower. I'm sure it's gonna be, you know, just so little.
Forget the love. Don't forget the love. I want them to do fencing at the patisserie. I want them to be doing break dancing, breaking at the Marae, which is the gay neighborhood in Paris.
I want them, Oh, that would be good. I want them to use the entire rich urban history of Paris to the fullest advantage, because this is once in a lifetime we are not going to see. I don't one the Games in Paris for decades.
I would wager, and we were.
Not saying you don't have to do it for a while. It's a cheap place to have the Olympics. When you say man, I would say, and let me tell you this podcast is up to a roll acting start. We are galvanized, We are ready. If we had a boat, we would be tearing up the sin right now on the way. Bowen could have been on a boat but wasn't invited. Uh, you know it's okay. We're gonna watch them the comfort of our own homes and host this podcast. Thank you for joining us. This has been Two Guys
five Rings and next week we're talking athletes. We're talking people are the people we need to really focus on, Okay, and we're gonna let you know who the girls are the girls and this includes men, and this includes men.
And because we're all playing for the same team, which is the girls, feel d lingo. You can watch every moment of the twenty twenty four Paris Olympics because in July twenty sixth on NBC and Peacock and listen to Two Guys five Rings on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.
And for the first time. You can stream the twenty twenty four Paris games on the iHeart Radio app. See you soon, Bye,