Who's your favourite... Mum or Dad?

You'll have to excuse my nasalliness. What's happened just to have been sick earlier this week? At first I had like tap nose, and then yesterday I was okay, I had a surf and stuff great, and I was like, oh, I still a little bit. I woke up this morning. My fuck, I'm so stuffy. So I've been like zer tech, tell fast, I'm hopped.

Up, man, nothing's working nah nah.

And like usually i'd use vix. Didn't have any victs been using their like the child's at the Yuki Bear one.

What's that?

It's kind of like a softer version of vix. Im hav any vics in the house.

I could always do that, but it's use what's here?

Yeah, Anyways, what I would do is I'd usually put like a little bit on the inside of my nose to try and clear it's a bit Bernie. And what I did was I didn't realize I had a little bit extra on the end of my fingernail, and I did a little sniffle and a goop of that Yuki Bear stuff went straight up into my brain. And have you seen that meme of the cat? And they're like I was like that just rapid fires. Rapid fires, easy

I thought you're going to tell me that it like clead you up, so now you're just doing rails of this year.

Give me. I didn't see it on the end of my finger, and it literally hit the back of my head quick as anything, and I was like and before I actually did that sneaze thing, I was like, oh no, this is not going to be good. It's like when you've got an itchy inner ear and you're like, how do I scratch it?

And you're like, oh, she's coughing up fur balls And anyway, you sound quite cute.

I seemed like a cute little boy. I want to give you a kettle after.

Welcome back to two doing dads. I'm Maddie J. And I'm ashsh It's a nicer version of ash Well.

You were like, you got this like sexy husk, and I ended up with this nasally little annoying kid. Oh can you please wipe my nose? You're like, hey, ladies, I'm Maddy J.

If you need any toilet breaks. Mate, just let me know and I'll take you upstairs.

Thank you.

This is a podcast all about parenting.

It's the good, the bad, and the relatable.

And as always, zero advice will be given.

Well we don't know. We always say that and then somehow.

We offer a peppering of sun.

It's not advised. It's just like what we've done in that situation. So but if you are here for advice.

No no, no, no, no no no no. We're drinking something a little bit different today.

Ash we are because you're doing dry July.

Well I'm doing I'm doing a version of version and I'll explain why a little bit later, but yeah, I will be doing the tail end of the month will be a dry July for me. So yeah, I'm not going to do it.

It's a sprinkling of July.

Four weeks is a long time.

It is a long time too.

And I'm very much a believer in moderation.

Absolutely, I think that's.

So three weeks is better than none. Yeah, so it's two weeks.

And of course, because you're going on your honeymoon, I will I will have a dry honey You.

Don't want to get into that, so I'll go into the honeymoon in a second, but for now, we're going to have a better beer, zero alcohol.

Well, I'm gonna have one, cheers, cheers.

That tastes like a normal beer.

It does. Actually, it's hard for me the moment to taste because I can't smell anything. But that's all right, it's pretty good. I don't know how it's refreshing.

Actually, how the fuck do they make beer with no alcohol?

It is they just right on the side of it that there's no for cebo. But yeah, it's actually it tastes like I love. How have you noticed on the top of the cant says morning for it.

Whoever's doing the copywriting it better beer, give him a raise?

Yeah, yeah, thank you, better be for having us.

So yeah, I will be well by the time his podcast comes out, Ash.

I will be Island life baby.

And Fiji a coconut in hands.

And you're taking the kids too?

Yes? Yes? Is that stupid? Probably?

Yeah, waste take me instead.

Sorry. At the airport, Laura is just.

Like he's gonna sit on my lap. Yeah.

Look, I got the guilts about taking them with us, Like I just know, and I.

Say this, they're at an age now where they'll have a lot of fun.

They'll have a lot of fun, and dude, Mali is pumped. We've got this, you know. Four nights, three nights were Candy down to Fiji and she goes to daycare. Daycare was great and they do like hello and goodbye, different languages. And then I get up and she's like dad, bulla and I'm like, oh, well, that's bloody your door.

It was like, don't be one of those white people in a different country trying to say the language. Embarrassing. That's like April does that. I went to Fiji with April's mum and she was like bulla. When I went to Japan and I was like, I'm not here long enough to try, so I was like, get.

A, hey, are you one of those people who still speaks in like slang when you're overseas?

So no worries, mate, Yeah, I'll see your savo the sava and they're like sob me. But anyway, So in trudge of you going on your honeymoon and congratulations, I mean you got married November November, and now I mean that's what happens when you have children.

Thank you for reminding me. We did things a little bit backwards. We were going to get married before Lola came out, but then COVID came and we thought, hey, what should we do. Well, my sister pregnant again and then.

We'll just get sucking again.

We even thought like do we even have it? It's not It's one of those honeymoons. I guess can we help you? April Hi.

Getting your hand done? Go and saw that regrowth out?

Yeah, isn't she darling?

That puts up with me?

Sorry, babe, did not want to be on the podcast.

By Maddie Jay. She was like, oh my god, Maddie Jay's in my house. Anyway. You were getting back to that you did things backwards, But the Australian public begs to differ because, as we all know, you all found love on our screens. It was just a commitment ring at that point, which that's why I don't watch The Bachelor anymore. I want to see for weddings.

I'm getting ask I thought your nasal just went.

Just went. This guy needs to sound sexy. So yeah, you did things backwards, and you're gonna leave me for a whole week. For a week, it's a holiday away from me. I think that's really what I'm going to miss you.

I missed it, will I will it's this will be the longest that we've been apart since we started recording the podcast together, about eleven weeks.

Yeah, we could do one online.

We'll have a week off. When I come back, I'll give you an update on how the honeymoon when. I'm sure it'll be a fucking disaster.

And we won't miss it. We're not missing an episode. So just so you just heard then Maddie said we're going to have a week off. We are going to have a week off technically, but we're going to get an episode out the day it's due back. Not that people really care that we're having a week off, thank god.

I was saying it like people right now are hyperventilating at home, but where will they be? No one gives a shit, They're like, what whoever?

I'm sure what are we going to work out too?

Now?

I don't know music? Like a normal person.

Who was that blokey messaged you about doing his PB.

What did he say? His last name was Awkward? So Andrew Awkward Andrew.

And we're not making this up.

No, we're not making this up. And thank you for the message. I know I didn't respond, but I did screenshot it send it to Matthew. Apparently he's set a Strava record. It must be in his local area. I don't know, listening to our podcast how that work.

I do not understand how that's possible. Surely you what do you run with a game? What was your playlist?

Hans Zimmer?

Hans Zimmer, So Andrew, if you're listening, give.

Us a break straight to Hans Zimmer? What was the Pirates of the Caribbean medley? Get it done?

We listened to it last week.

It's like a crack.

I looked over and you're just whipping up glow sticks.

Were I was just like, do you know what, matt you want to get to me? Emails done? I've never seen so much smoke off a keyboard.

I do have to be honest, though, Ash and I don't want to bring the mood down here fuck at all. It's been a tough week for me, a bit, a bit of a hard week. Would appreciate it if you did not roll your eyes as I open enough and be vulnerable to you on the podcast.

That's very inappropriate of me. You consider it I would say, yeah, what's up, mate, what what's happened?

Well, I'm glad you asked, Thank you very much.

It's okay.

My kids hate me?

Oh yeah, we already you that shambles of a birthday party. You through them, and I don't blame them. No, what's why do your kids hate you, Matthew? That's the look. They don't hate you, No, they do. I do, like, literally, do they not what?

They don't want to? Fucking bar of me?

Be done nothing, dude.

I'm delivering the goods. The issue is Laura is now back in the picture after.

From exile Island.

Yeah, yeah, she's back in the picture. And the kids are like, that's.

Right, we have her. Mom.

You're you're a better parent than he is because Laura was. We talked about the fact that she was away a lot in training blah blah blah blah, and so I was just, you know, as default. I became the favorite parent. Yeah, for the very first.

Time, one parent, favorite parent. It's like if you do a one horse race, yes you won that race.

Yeah. I was like the Stephen parenting.

No no wrong analogy, because that means there would have been people falling down in front of you, but that's not the right analogy is similar that guy in the Sydney Olympics who swam the race on his own.

Eric the Eel.

Yeah, yes, you're our Eric the Eel. It was slow, but you got there in the end.

So Laura is back in the mix. They just I don't know what it's saying with Oscar, but just like everything I'm talking having breakfast, if I make the toast, both of them are like, we don't want Tom to make butter head so much. Do you guys fight?

We're like brothers. Yeah, we're talking about I was talking about this the other day where it's like I don't discipline him, really, we just bicker. So like I was laying on his bed and he's like, that's my bed and I was like, no, it's not. Technically I own this is I own this bed, you get to sleep on it. It's like, no, Todd the ration Now he doesn't understand the sarcasm. He's like he's like, no, it's my bed, and I'm like it's mine, and Mummy's like,

Now, this is like I imagine you guys are like step brothers the movie.

We hug it out a lot.

We're like Oscar walks past and you're just rubbing your bullsack.

B Yeah, it's a bit like that. But yeah, my kids they're just off here because Mom's back.

Yeah, even eat, even brushing their hair. Like if they see me with a brush in hand and we have like a pink brush, it's like I'm coming at them with a fucking ice pick, Like, ma, No.

It doesn't know how to do it properly. It hurts, really hurts.

You feeling, and dude, I can I brush it better than Laura. Laura's there ripping hairs out, and I'm so gentle. I'm delicate.

You should do the start counting and I can't how many times to one hundred and one.

I try everything. They don't want to buy it. But the only time it's kind of working in my favor is in the middle of the night. Lola will occasionally wake up still and she'll be crying and she'll just go like mum. I'd say, hey, I'd go and.

Get her, but the fuck out of bed.

And I've gone in there before. This is at like two in the morning, and she's like, she's screaming and she wants to cuddle. And then she stops and she looks at me like squinting because it's still very dark.

And she's like, not you just see you walking in there with a wig on.

Yeah, just give me some affection anything I need.

It's like those videos where their dad's feeding the kid a bottle and they've got the iPad with the mum's picture on it. You walk into the room with an iPad strapped to your face. This has got Laura's days on it.

That's what I need to do, because it's cutting.

Me real deep. The dynamics change.

At the start, I was like, ah, lol, like you're the favorite. And now it's four days in and I can't. I can't even touch my kids.

It's like they're trying to oust you.

They're trying to get me out of the front.

Dynamics change, mate, get with it. You need to start favoring the dog much more.

No, I don't want him anymore. He's got three legs.

See the poor thing, poor he's got one more leg than each of your.

Children over and I'm like, anyone love me? And yeah, like please can we just have a cut. I'm now bust out.

He's just sitting there with a big erect.

For anyone who doesn't know my dog, he's got an erection problem and he's got three legs. That's what That's what I've left with, a three legged dog with a fucking erection problem.

He's always got a start on your dog. What's the deal with that? Well, he's he's like I see on the other dogs with four legs.

Anyway. So that's what I'm dealing with at the moment. A Debbie Downer.

Yeah, but I'll be fine.

I'll be fine.

I know you'll be okay, and the dymonaum will change again. It'll change when when I don't know, mate, I'm not an expert.

I can tell me.

I'll come up with it. I'll let you know when I'll have a chat with Marley and say, look, we all know your dad's a loser. We get it cut in some slack.

Do you ever to try and win over Macy or Oscar? Do you ever try and like sneak in some chocolate or treats.

That's April's that's what April does. So yesterday afternoon, Oscar was being a shithead. They're turns, kids are turns. Okay, I think we've established and he was being a turd to Masie, being a turd to me, and Mummy's in the fridge secretly eating chocolate. Oscar, here's the chocolate wrapping like it's a dog whistle. He's like, what have you got?

Something's happening.

He runs to the kitchen and I'm like, don't give him any chocolate. He's been a little ship. How can I get through? And she was like I'm not. I'm not. I'm like, show your hands, and he's like open your mouth, a bit of chocolate in his mouth. I'm like what. So she's like here, it's okay, okay, daddy's been mean to you and I'm not. I'm trying to protect Macy and.

I thought you would be the like this secret chocolate.

I'm like, no, if I'm drunk, I'm drunk. And I'll also do the thing where it's like if I come home, like if I've been out or whatever, or and I've had a couple of beers. I come home and have a shower and I was still awake, and he's in our bed, like having a cuddle with mom and you know, watching his watching iPad or whatever they're doing, having a sleepover party. I'll be like, go and give me a cuddle, and like he'll get to sleep in the bed all night with us because I'm like, but yeah, look, I'm

In his lunch taking the daycare.

I who's these two and she's just and I found out that she gives him chocolate every night.

I'm like, you, what's your health? And would the kids get treats with you?

Well, I'm drunk every night, so every night with me if Oscar's on fire, like the other day, took him down to the shops, We did the big Shop. He was a good boy the whole time, had a play in the park, ate some lunch top behavior. Kinder surprise. There you go, big fella kind of surprise. After I've given him the kind of surprise, he's a ship for the rest of the day, but for the start earned

I did look at Instagram and and I saw you there. Found out just going down a fucking slide, a kid slide with a beer in hand.

Didn't spill a drop.

No, you didn't, You didn't. Glad you were having fun. I was.

Do you know that party was actually organized as an appropriate time out from its actual date the day before the.

Four days out? Sure?

Yeah, So we're talking because a lot of those families are because it's the mother's group. Shout out to the mother's group, a bunch of pisshead. All the kids are a similar age, all the kids that were in a week of each other. And then also the younger the siblings are similar to we just all got together and we're like, let's have a fucking orgy. So the youngest are all similar ages as well.

And for anyone who's not familiar, that's four years old roughly.

Yeah, four years old they are, and then the youngest are all like between one and a half and two. We're talking about how you know, the eldest could be just doing something and the youngest picks up a toy on the other side of the room that is one of the toys of the elder kid. Anyway, So Oscar will be watching TV, watching his favorite show whatever could be anything, in a trance, watching Sea Beast, and then you've got Macy at the other end of the living space.

It was just a sweetheart. Can we just say, oh, gorgeous? Not to take away from Oscar. He's also a great kid.

But she's a sweet soul. She's kind of like my grandmother. Everyone always says, oh, she's like a little Olive. She is.

Yeah, I've not met Olive, but.

Just like a little grandmother. Yeah, she's great. So she's on the other end of the living room and she's picked up on Oscar's toys. Oscar's just like, hang on a minute, and he's taken off like an air marshal across the room, storm over, tackle it out of the ground like that sort of stuff, and like to get the toy offer and I'm like that my yeah, and I'm like, mate, she's just gonna play with it, like we're trying to do try and get their phone time around.

Does he get that?

Yeah, yeah, he gets it, but he's like it's never good enough.

Yeah, that's the hardest thing.

You weren't even playing with it.

And there's always like we very much we have that model of like sharings caring and it's come from daycare as well. Yeah, but so similar scenario where if Lola touches anything and the kids very much have like shared toys, it's not as if like stuff is Marley's and I can't forget who's who's Lola touches anything, may will race over pride out of her hands and be like sharing is caring.

So she just completely turned the whole phrase around.

To be she's like she's got ship, doesn't She like, yeah, but you weren't playing with it. She's playing with it. You have to, you know, trying to try to explain it to a four year old and it's just not sinking in. It's not but fuck me, that's the biggest tantrums we're having right now even for some on good on God, for some unknown reason, for some unknown reason, get it out, Jesus go for some unknown reason.

There we go. He's back.

He's back on.

Tracking one non alcoholic beer.

Whenever we leave for daycre in the morning, kids want to have some little like trinket, like a little like bluey doll or like there's a.

Little get him in the car, or to get it, you know. It's like they want to take this ship.

I'm like, guys, it's time to go, and they're like then they start like panicking what should I get.

It's like we're trying to find your keys, your wallet, you throw They're like like when's the months of truck. I can't get on with my day.

And it such a nightmare because no matter what Marley grabs, she's like okay, Dad, I'm ready to go, And then Lola will grab absolutely anything in the Marmy's like that's the one that I want.

I was trying to see that toy in six months. Yeah. It's so painful and they get so petty. I caught Oscar hiding not his toys, but hiding his sister's toys as like I'll get you back. Situation really petty and actually reminded me of something and I know where he gets it from, like my father, like son my father likes. So we're back a petty story for me, Matthew, if.

You will please entertain me.

I'm all is a couple of years ago, pre kids. This is April and I took a lovely It was actually when we found out we're pregnant. But we'll get to that another time. We're in Europe, nice little trip in Europe. We're coming home. It was the last flight home and there was a girl sitting in front of me who for the whole you know, that flight's like fourteen hours. She got on the plane. She was just

So the whole flight was like this, and I sorry, she's sitting in front of you, just directly in front of me, the seat in front of you, but I could here see everything and how fucking rude.

She was only a young girl too, like she wanted to get to the destination first. She wanted to be there first. That's what it was like. We're all in this together, and I'm like, fourteen hours of me listening to this, I was like, this person sucks. Anyway. So then we land. The plane lands, and before we even stopped moving, she stood up. Right before we've even stopped moving, She's getting her bags out of the things. I'm like, this person is unbelievable.

Chill, relax.

Anyway, they're saying to her, sit back down. So she sits back down with her bags and everything she's got ready to go. The seat eat belt sign turns off. She gets up and everyone in front of her gets up to the people in front are all old people. She's barging these old people out over to get to the front so she can get off this eddie haddle. Emirates fly come. Remember what it was like, literally like

Oh gosh, what do you do? What a dilemma? What a dilemma. What do I do?

Do I give this back or do I give it to the detech? What do I do here? I've picked it up on the way out, I've walked forward about thirty rows and slipped it into a seat pocket around seat. Anyway, we're getting off the plane and she's standing on the outside of the plane because she's realized.

What she's she can't get back on.

But she can't get back illegal to go back on. But also she sent the flight attendant back to her seat. It's not there, no more iPad. Wow. Wow, I mean that has to be you, son of a bitch. One of the greatest moments of my life.

Do you worry at all about karma?

Fuck carma?

Okay, okay, that.

Was ages ago, man, But honestly, I think she needed to worry. I was her karma. It was an iPad pro beautiful thing. Could easily be one of my kids iPads now, But no, it's someone else's who luckily gets to sit in that seat. Forty rows up and then a flight out of Sydney gets a brand new iPad.

I would put money on the fact that you put it on airplane mode and it's currently upstairs right now in the.

Fuster. Anyway, that is my petty story, And now I know want my kids are the way they are.

And that's why you have to be nice to people.

The swift hand of justice was dealt almost immediately. Also to add to that, they were also teaching the sharing thing at kindy the other day, which was really good because I would The story was that one of the kids had a scooter and it's always nice to share, which is such a great lesson for them. It's obviously

A rolex.

Yeah, it was like, it's okay, my daddy's got to be fuck you, Timmy, tell me tell me loud. Very catchy that she and I would say. The guy who's singing that got such a comedic voice.

You could be I don't know if they've locked in all the contestants. Mask singer. That's a fucking hard mask mask singer. Would you give it a karaoke?

Karaoke? I actually did karaoke once one of my mid twenty birthdays. I feel like you're in the city, very good. I did Beyonce put a ring on. It got kicked out because afterwards I mic dropped and you break the mic. Yeah, off it get stronger, mics get better. Let a guy live, Let me get over bro. Anyway, we do have lies.

We have some lies we have and like.

I wanted to talk before we get into the lies. Like parents lie, I've worked out that I do a lot of tricking.

It's weird at the moment because obviously, like three out the week, I'm thinking about what I'm doing, and you know, I'm like, well, that could be funny for the podcast. I realize I lie every single day every time. It's just it's really scary, Like do I ever tell my kids the truth?

Probably? Not?

Like everything is everything.

It's like it's like dinner's yummy, fucking lie, Daddy loves you.

What have you got? What's your life?

My first one is that I've realized that I can lie, slash trick Macy into doing just about anything. So she was the other day. I was out on the balcony hanging out the laundry like a good dad slash husband, and Macy's out there with me. It's nice, sons out. I've walked back inside She refused to come inside, and I was like, oh, yeah, what have I got over here? What's this? What have I got over here? Clearly had nothing, like what's this? What's this? Eventually coaxed her inside shut

That's I've just realized that's what I do as well.

I do it all day.

I go as far as to say, oh I've got a present.

Yeah, or I've got a tree's.

Yeah, what you want to see?

What this is?

It's pretty special and Lula's like, nah, I can see it. She fights it at first, like she's a bit resistant.

She's like, but what if this time he actually does?

And then I kind of see her like gas lighting. Her shoulders turn and she like squints and she looks she's looking inquisitive. And then she comes over and she's like, what is it? And I'm like, it's your dinner. Now we eat it, and she's broccoli y.

Got me again.

But that's what you have to do.

Oh yeah, you have to do that. Otherwise I don't do anything. So that's why we've got this segment so we can find out a new way to lie.

Do you know just another line that I might throw in there real quick one if I may. We don't have a bath at the house. The kids have a shower, and they hate going in the shower, like the first couple of seconds or just like to get into the shower is an absolute ball ake. And what I say now to get them into our say, I just can't tell is the water too cold or too hot? Can you just put your hand in there and test the

Daddy doesn't know how to do it, but you can do it really really well.

So always awkward when the hot water is not working and winter and.

But lies from the parents, from our lovely listeners who also love to lie to their children's.

I don't know, ash, if we've told this lie before. We don't know if you ice cream related lines. I feel like ice creams are something that a lot of parents have to deal with. If we've said this one before, I apologize. This lie is when the ice cream truck has the music blaring, it actually means that the ice creams have run our gone.

That's a classic. That's that's one of those ones. And I always refer back to the Circle of Life. Yes, one of those ones that's been passed down from generation. We slightly tweaked it because we're down here at the Beach car Park and mister Whippi, who must be ruining parents' lives on a daily basis, but that's part of his

So what we've very confusing for the kids.

What we've done is we've we've tweaked the lie a little bit to say, oh, it's only big boy ice creams now, there's none for like little boys.

The spicy ice cream, spicy ice just lies are being molded.

It was just like, oh, yeah, look, there's only the big boys can get ice cream when the sound's going now because they're out of the little boy ice cream and seem to work.

One thing that we haven't really delved into is at what point do you start to like come clean on the lies and say everything I told you from the age of two to six is not true.

Absolute lie. I don't know. I had a sister. I had a sister that kept alive from me for sixteen years. What's that once she left the door open on my side of the car and Dad reverse and ripped the door off.

I know, I think we've told that story.

Yeah, And sixteen years later, eventually it came out that she opened the door and just blamed me.

When I see my mom next, I'll be like, yeah, I'm gonna ask what do you want to come clean with now?

Yeah, Muma, probably remember that time you walked in. I was jerking your dad off. That was not your dad, that's not your real dad. Have you noticed that you're much taller than him. That dad, Sorry kidding, I love you guy, short king. What do you got?

What else you got?

I've got one that is from a d M that we received. I forgot what his name is? Tom? Fuck? I don't know who cares? Sorry?

Can you like our listeners?

Just? I love them? I do?

What's his name? Who fucking cares? Not Tom? Right now is like I hope fingers on the podcast and.

Hey, babe, listen shut out of Tom cares about you, speaker. I think it was Tom. I don't know. Again, I didn't respond because the damn is really just I'm not good with that stuff. I'm a much better talker than a typer.

I like that good cover up anyway.

Yeah, so it comes from Tom, and the lie is a really clever one. I thought. So we do lie to our kids about how things are broken. This is a little bit different. When he's done so, before his kids can get hold of the iPad or the iPhone to watch YouTube and or Netflix or whatever it is that's on there, he flicks it really quickly to aeroplane mode, and because it doesn't load it automatically, is already broken. It's a visual lie.

I have an issue with this lie, if I can pull it apart for one second.

Ash, absolutely not. We're going to move on from this segment.

Don't you reckon though that. It's almost like I would rather the kids be on the iPad. The iPad, but he might.

Be trying to get a bed. We don't know the circumstance.

Okay, okay, we'll give Tom. Let's call him the benefit of that.

Tom's is the Facebook guy. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was really good because it's kind of like when I put the sign in front of the claw machine.

The broken sign.

Yeah, it was like I had a backup evidence of the lie. He's like, look, can't you see it's not working? How stupid are you? It's not working?

I would never not want my kids on the iPad? Is sacred.

The best parent. I always say that, you know, like you meet people and I was like, oh, you know, what were you brought up on? But in that generation, what were you brought up on? They're like Coco Mellen, YouTube, YouTube, kids reels.

Instagram's, Marley's just I'll be watching TikTok and she's like what's that? And I'm like, oh too soon.

Daddy's like I want what daddy's got Sometimes I catch him, he's on shorts and he's usually watching a sad video of some sad kid who doesn't get to play with the toy and some other kid. It's pretty harmless stuff. But every now and then something something comes up and I'm like, oh, that's for daddy's follow But yeah, it's the best parent. It's bringing my kids up. Which is sad to say people are going to it's not. It's not people are to afraid to admit it. Just admit it.

Let's move on.

Let's move on from question and let's go into question. And you've got the questions.

Question number one ash for your first child, how did your partner tell you that they were pregnant and how did you react.

I'll go with the back end of that question. First, disappointed. We were actually in Europe when we found out.

Do we need to say, just in case there are only people who are listening for the very we're joking. We love our kids. We do love our kids. We will just say that just so you're aware in case you're thinking, do these guys really hate the kids? No, Well, like depends on the day and the time.

I think that covers us. I think we're covered. We love them, We're covered. Continued, We're covered, were covered. Okay, now that those listeners are gone. So when we we were in Europe actually when we found out that we were pregnant, and it was kind of like April's late, and it was like, were you trying? We weren't actively not trying.

Yeah that makes sense, sure, yeah, and it happens. It happened.

It happens, It happens, and it happened. And we were in Croatia when we actually confirmed it, and it was like, great, this is great. But also we're going to Disneyland tomorrow. When we go to France, we go to Paris, so fuck. We didn't get to go on anything. You can't go on anything, and I wasn't allowed to go because it

Did it suck? The fact that in Europe? Yeah, having like a hot girl European summer, you can't drink. That was a bit of a doubt.

I was on a massive drinker. Anyway, I still drink, there's no doubt about that. I'm not pregnant. But yeah, look it was Do.

You remember the moment Obviously she kind of I'm assuming she would have been in the bathroom peeing on the stick came out. Do you remember how you reacted?

No, it was like literally, like so early in the morning. I was definitely asleep when she told me when she rude, wake you up. Yeah, it's not important or anything. Yeah, but at the end, I mean that was that was Oscar. What about you? Well, you're hanging there like ask me, ask me, and that's all time.

It was a similar scenario where we weren't really trying, but we weren't not trying. I guess the catalyst for Laura taking the pregnancy test was the fact that I made this very delicious salmon dinner.

It's very nice.

Could have been a breakfast dinner, not important.

And Laura was like, I think the breakfast dinner.

Maybe it was like a salmon scrambled egg type start.

Maybe it was smoked.

I can't remember. No, I'm not important, not important, but it was salmon, and it was very good salmon. I bought the good stuff, very expensive, and Laura was like, I think this is off this is not the salmon's no good. I was like, what very offended? Yeah, I've put blood, sweat and tears into this dish and you're fucking not enjoying it. And I was like, maybe you're

I don't but it wasn't you when you pee on the stick, No, I don't know when I haven't.

Stick.

No, they dip it in now is how I don't even know how does it even work? Hang on, is he? Let me just clarify the dipping it in. They're dipping it into the toilet bowl, not dipping it into their vagina. Let's just clear that, right. I just had this image or something like let me shut out there.

I thought they had to like just pisce all over it.

I don't know.

I hope to do the dip makes a lot of sense if it's a dip, don't like, but it doesn't really feel real at that point. I feel like, though I don't know if it's the same for you, Ash, it's been ingrained into my mind that you don't celebrate anything before twelve weeks.

Yeah, a little bit. I felt like when I when I saw the stick and the when I saw like from the doctors, when April went and got checked if she was pregnant, like through a doctor. My reaction to that it's like, yeah, like a piece of paper, like, oh, obviously it's great. And I was almost like, what's the reaction I'm supposed to have?

Yes, Yeah, you're like, I don't want to. I don't want to celebrate it because also there's so much sick and yeah, we're so so early days. But I think the moment for me where I was like, holy shit really hit home to be like I'm about to be a fucking dad was the ultrasound where you hear the heartbeat the very first time and you're kind of still seeing a bit of a blob on the screen like it's you can make out the shape of the head.

Yeah, and it made me see sick. And it was so funny because every time we went and did the ultrasound and I'd be like, I'll be sitting in the seat like grabbing hold of the being.

Like taking your nausea tablets. Yeah.

Literally, So it was like it was I mean, the realization of like, holy shit, have a kid was kind of overtaken by the fact that it was kind of like I cad sea legs when I came out of there, and they were like, okay, I mean that probably contributed to the meat passing out in the delivery suite, but we'll get to that another day. But I know what you mean.

Oh good good. April's like, Ash, why are you vomiting?

Why you She's like, why are you so squamy. I one, like they wanted to just squirted some gel on me and rubbing around on my fucking tummy like we're just going to take an internal ultrasound. It's like, oh, really going to shove that thing up me.

Let's go with question number two.

So the next question is like, how do you maintain the relationship between obviously mom and dad after having kids? You don't really, I mean you like you do who we're talking about? Who is she?

The track? It's obviously a huge change, and the relationship side of things is kind of like an non priority. It gets pushed way down the way.

I was saying before. It's like having a roommate but you've got kids together.

Yeah, a little bit, yeah, totally totally.

Like these are your jobs at the time, These are my jobs at time to keep the household going. But that's not a relationship. That's kind of like, yes, it's like your coworkers.

So we've only kind of like we kind of came out of that period when Lola was I guess like one and a half and she was coming good with a really tough time with Lola, And it was only when we were kind of getting ahead above water that will like.

Oh, that's right, we're in a relationship. Yeah. Up until that point, you've been like project managers literally, yeah.

Like divving up the jobs.

You know.

It's it's that routine of your wake up, you get the kids ready, and then you go to work. That's stress. When you come home kids from daycare, kids are screaming like toddlers are hard work. We all know that. We harp on about it NonStop. Yeah. We got to the point where Laura and I are like, we haven't had like a date night a year.

And you plan. The thing is you plan. You're like, okay, so tonight, after the kids go to bed, we're going to watch a movie together, get a nice dinner, and then when they go to bed, you're like, ah, fuck it. There are so go to bed facing opposite ways on a bed.

There are so many times where in the morning where you have really good intention yeah, and you're like you have like a kiss and you're like like, hey, you know, it's been a while.

Later on, later on we're going to get freaky and you're like, or even we're gonna have dinner alone and you're like oh. Then you get to the way to not talk to you to day You're just like, so what are we talking about now?

Come nine o'clock You're like, I just want to sit on the couch in silence.

And if you're not that's the thing, if you if the kids aren't there, you're just sitting there talking about the kids? Do we.

Laud will bring up photos of the kids and like, isn't she cute?

It was like, let's go wake I've got this really devious plan actually that when my kids, because you know how when you talk to older parents of older kids that they've got teenagers, like Larry MD we spoke to when you and they're like, yeah, they don't sleep. Then when they get to teenage years, you can't get them out of bed. I've got this very very good plan

They deserve every fucking second of that pain that.

I'm gonna shit myself and like clean it, clean it now. If they grow up right and they have they meet a great girl or a great guy, whatever it is, they're like, Mom, Dad, come over for dinner. I want you to meet this person. As soon as they've cooked whatever it is they've cooked, I'm gonna be like, I don't want it. I don't like broccoli, you pretty, and then just throw it on the floor.

Much describe what is going to be like when you have dementia.

It is like sixty yeah, but I'm going to do it at like forty fifty. It's going to be very deliberate. It's going to be very much like I'm not hungry, and like, Dad, you're meeting my girlfriend for the first time. I've cooked you your favorite meal. It's not my favorite. Hell, do you know what my favorite is?

Cut it in a squat, sitting in the corner of the room behind the couch, shitting yourself.

Just poop and be like can I clean there's up up dune poopo, or just like go to the bathroom, be like I need a wife. Bosca absolutely torture my children.

What a great episode. And on that note, so I do want to say one quick thing Ash before we go. I know you absolutely hate it when I talk about running. I am going to talk about running.

Real Yeah, I know what you're going to talk about it and I've said that I'm going to do it.

Also, so there is anyone in Sydney, New South Wales, there is a ten or of five kits of Sydney Harbor run. It's on the twenty third of July. All money raise goes to the Australian Cancer Research Foundation. They do fucking awesome work, agreed supporting life saving research. It's so important. So this year they're trying to raise I think it's about ninety k from the event. So I'm going to run out doing the ten k. I'm going to try and get some money together and it all

I'm going to do it too. As of now, excuse me, I'm going to jump in. I'm not racing, but I'm all for donations of money. Is to prevent people from dying, I'm all about that.

Who the fuck?

So I think that Matthew, what we should do as a podcast duo? Yes, and I know you're going to win, beat me by a country mile, so we're not going to do that. We're just going to raise as much money as we can.

Love it bloody great.

And if I do somehow beat you, what's on there? You have to match it?

Great?

Okay, perfect? And after this episode, I'm gonna get trained. It's never going to happen, but we look where supporting the cause.

Good cause, great run get involved. Twenty third of July and I think, gosh, we got to get out of here because we are interviewing I have very special guest.

Yes, if you're a cricket fan, you're gonna love this. You're gonna love this. He's also a dad. Of course, we're very excited.

Do we say who it is?

No? Second?

Yeah? Okay, cool.

Now they probably would have had the episode by now.

Yeah, of course, who knows what?

It doesn't make any sense.

If you're confused, right now?

So are we Wait? But we've got a guess that's going to be a three doting dads will be back, which is very exciting. And then of course we will also be back. Even though you're going to be in Fiji.

Yeah, after the honeymoon.

How does that work? I tell you how it works. We record it before he leaves exactly.

You know the drill review. Subscribe, follow us on Two Doting Dads.

And tell a friend. If each of you tell a friend or a stranger, because stranger is a friend you haven't met yet, that's great.

There was one person who their comment on Apple podcast was I'm here to support Ash's unemployed. That's what's at stake. Love that, that's what's at stake. Even if you don't like listening because you don't find it entertaining, do it to support an individual.

Just think about this. I ate butter chicken out of the bin when I was employed. Imagine what I'm willing to do now.

Thanks on that.

Thank you guys, Bye bye.

Two Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight islander people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land