Should I be concerned about my toddler's murderous screams?

Can I just pull you up on something? The phone call that we had as I was driving to your house, I just really didn't appreciate that.

We'll be on time for once. You fucking put me all over social media. I said I was late. You said I'll be there at ten.

I said ten to ten thirty.

That's what someone who That's what someone who is running late would say.

Yeah, well, your arrogance.

You can't buy thirty minutes.

You called me and the first thing you said was, so, how long's it going to be? How late? I am twenty minutes forty? What's it going to be?

And I was right? So what does that say?

Fuck you? Welcome back to two dating Dads. I'm Maddie Jay.

And I'm Ash who happens to be on time today? It happens to be a massive, massive.

Can we say that in the podcast?

You can't say that in the open, Okay.

Well we'll keep it in there and I'll never say it again. This is a podcast all about It's the good, the bad, and the relatable and as always, we will not be giving you any type of advice.

Well speak for yourself, mate, because I'm dishing it out left, right, and center, God help us, or I'm changing it up. I'm just going to give nothing. The advice on this podcast shit advice like how to be on time.

Oh hang on, before I forget, we had the Father's Day competition. I am stoked to announce that we have a winner and it is Britt. Congratulations, way well done to you and your hobby. He will now be receiving a five hundred dollars out you from Lululemon, so I hope that makes his father's say just a little bit more special.

Congratulations, Thank you all for the entries and happy Father's Day, well deserved.

Now this morning, I was a little bit late, you know what. I even there was a part of me last night before I went to bed, I thought, could I could I get the kids ready, get them to daycare, go for a little run, like half an hour run, and then get to Ash's house, which, for people who don't know, it's an hour drive for me to you is an hour. I was fucking kidding myself.

I do it just as March and I'm on time every time. I'm irritating the early most of the time.

I told you last record, I said, come at ten thirty.

What time I get there five fast.

Look, I've been battling with the kids. Ash, I'm going to go into a story. But it's also it's very timely because we got a question from a listener, which normally we do the listener questions at the very end. We will still do that. You've got to make an exception a little cheeky sidebird.

That was the silent burn.

It was like this, people are going to be listening going, is there a ghastleak at ashes house?

No, he's just one big gas leak.

So yeah, we will do listener listener questions, listener lessons.

I was like, okay, a new segment, listener lessons.

We'll do it at the end of this one.

Special special cases.

Yeah, special case okay, okay, let me just pull up the iPad.

I love the drawing on the back of that iPad. I've noticed this drawing on that chair there too. And yesterday I found next to the chair upstairs on the walls a little smiley faced man in text and I was like the fuck. And April said to Oscar, like, when did you do that? It's like after Daddy yelled at me, And I was like, that's a spiteful drawing.

That'll fucking learn. Yeah, yeah, he's communicating through drawings. Okay, okay, let's go into the question.

So laid on me this one.

This is from Amy and she asks, did your kids ever go through a phase of screaming like they were being murdered? If so, how did you overcome it?

Block them out?

I'm pretty good at that.

Look, Yes, they definitely go through phases of just screaming for no reason. I'm just trying to think of how I would have dealt it. I would have just screamed back.

We have, We've done that a few times.

But he's just like they're like, You're like I have a few times gone. I can scream louder than you and that's usually good.

And then USC's going, well, give me the text outing to draw on the wall. You know, we mentioned last episode Ash that Lola was six of the ear infection on Maggie Island, and she's still the doctor. When we went to see them on the island, she wouldn't give us any antibiotics because she was like, no, it's not well.

The kids around here, what they do? They just fucking get on with it.

And I was like, that makes sense. She was saying that it's not severe enough to warrant antibiotics.

And there's a lot of country doctor happening here where they're like, yep, they probably saw a pig and a goat before they And I was just like, it's not that severe, Get on with it, get there.

What's that teaspooner cement?

Smack over the head with the sticks, you'll get over it, even and up and whacking the other side of the head.

So I didn't get the antibiotics. And this flu virus earache, it's lingered, it's lingered. And last night we almost went to hospital.

Oh my gosh, another hospital visit for the Johnson's clogging up the system.

Hey, hey, my mum told me a story of her sister had an earache when they were younger, and it was ignored by the parents. Her ear drum burst, burst deaf in one ear. So that's the thought in the back of my head because Lola is there.

I thought you were going to be like she died. I thought there was going to be like a decent end to that story. She's deafinite one, she's got two ears, she'd be fine.

What doesn't work? Why does it work? Yeah?

But one does, Yeah, but stopped looking at the cup half empty and look at half full.

Well, I don't want to be responsible for making like.

Agree, I agree. I thought that story was going to be like a really terminal finish.

It still ignored.

It turns out it was ear cancer. Now she's dead. No, that's still stage four.

It's your definite want ear. That's pretty severe. That's a that's a lifelong it's just an ailment, exactly one of your major senses.

Okay, yes, hospital again for the Johnson.

So when Lola was sick and we were away and she was waking up the middle of the night, the easiest way to get her back to sleep and to comfort her, just give her like something to make it less painful, was give her a bottle of milk, which we had stopped doing. Yeah, why like it just she just like it's crack for her.

It's like she loves that.

She fucking loves the milk.

The bones too.

Yeah, good councium. So for three or four nights whilst we're away, we've been giving her a bottle every single night when she would wake up. And then the fucking issue is she's in this routine now of like she wants the bottle. She's had a taste of that crack she's on the pipe.

Yeah, she's like, there's a method, where's the light up?

And last night she woke up maybe like eleven o'clock screaming, fucking screaming, like she was being murdered, and she was just like nothing could console her, not me, not Laura. Me, and Laura like, it's the earache, let's take it to hospital. I was literally about to start packing my backpack to take it to hospital. Eleven o'clock at night. That's the worst, awful. And then we thought, hang, let's just let's just give her a bottle of milk and see if that stops her.

Cheers, Oh she's on here, She's onto it.

But these tantrums. Now, this morning we thought that's the end of it. That's fine. This morning we had another tantrum. Ash okay, and I met my wits end.

Did you give her a bottle of milk this morning?

Yeah?

I did, and it shut her up again. So she's only give her a bottle of warm.

This one didn't work.

The bottle. She's just so so she's just decided to start screaming for no, is she in pain at all?

No? I don't think so. I don't think so.

But I'm not a doctor.

Every everything, it sounds like you're going towards the diagnosis.

No what, she just hates you. Let me we're already. She does hate you.

I know she does hate me. Let me show you a video of Lola of how she was this morning.

Okay, is this after you've tried everything, and she just and.

Just for any non parents out there who may be going.

Well, everyone films their kids having a meltdown.

This was.

I've got a folder.

This was.

Because like sometimes you just can't. They just won't snap out of it, and you're like you need to be able to have video evidence so you can show them back and go, this is what you did to me. So yeah, for just to like, the people that aren't fine with it, can fuck yourself.

Yeah. To give context, she had had some breakfast, she slept, she was like, the room temperature was beautiful, exactly, she was fine, like it's nothing wrong with it.

She just wanted to Yeah, oh my god, before I even prayers play, I can see the phase. She even looked to see if you were paying attention before she went had another crack at her.

Look.

She's like realized that no one that you stopped paying attention to her. And she's like, Okay, I'm completely fine that you are still paying atten.

So that's what I have to deal with this morning on Wednesdays, Laura is out the door at like seven fifteen. She's got a massive day of work. I'm there with the kids. It took me just to give you some idea of like why I was late. I was dealing with that for two fucking hours.

I'm sorry that I've made that phone call that and.

Then I call you. The attitude you give me is I'm not fucking eating. And also, to make matters worse, it's fucking book week.

Oh my gosh, as well painful.

And so I'm dealing with that. And then Marley's the going why am I not dressing up? And I'm because I've got nothing left, Like am I the only daycare that's doing book week? And not just book days?

It's book week? I know. Like thankfully Oscar goes to two different kindis so the first two days, then he goes to two days is another one. So we just rewaar which is fun because it's two different kindies and he only goes two days. So yesterday she went as the yellow Wiggle, which I actually want to show that because it's pretty cute. She got red hair, like the like Emma used to have.

Oh my gosh.

Yesterday we put it on it. She was just like she knew she loved it. But she went his mini mouse today.

That is gorgeous.

Bata heah.

Look, did Oscar ever have those periods where he would just.

He's still having them? So this morning, okay, we get what's April gets home from, say six thirty. He's still in my bed on his phone, Yes, his phone anyway, just just keep him quiet, all right. He's four. And I turned the light on. Melt down because I've turned the light on. Turn the light off. Melt down because I've turned the light off. I can't win, like for Fox's sake. And I was like, so I turned the light on. I got changed.

You need to get a dimmer.

I'm going to cry poor again. We're too for dimmers in this hour. I turned the light on to get dressed so I could be ready because I wanted to go for a round myself, to get back to take get rid of the kids to KINDI as quickly as early as possible, So turn light on. I get dressed. He's having a meltdown while I'm getting dressed. I'm just ignoring him at this point because mate, it's six thirty in the morning. Fucking get over it. But I was like, to keep my mouth shut. He'll get over it. Turn

I don't know if it's the same for you. But because Marley used to have these meltdowns around the same age, around two stupidly as well, Laura and I kind of the other night said, Lola's never there's meltdowns that Marley had and here we fucking are. Yeah, but you just got to let it run its course.

And a little bit like that. Yeah, we just like this morning, just ignore them if you've tried. If it's over nothing, then yeah, ignore it. But if if it's a serious issue like this again this morning, Macy, she's not quite as old as low as she's not too yet. I come down and she's the dishwashers open and she's in the dishwasher, essentially going like rocking up against the

There's nothing else you can do, nothing you can.

Do unless they're in some serious physical pain or danger.

So this morning on the scale of like one to ten of like the murderous screams, and I'd say this morning was about like.

A six or seven murderer's scream.

Last night that was the one I showed you when she was in the bath, that was like a nine.

You did show me and she was like same thing, like the dogsy is just perked up.

Then I thought my neighbor was going to knock on the door and be like, is someone being attacked here? Like, because you're like, do I need to call family services?

You've actually jogged my memory a little bit of something that my mum told me when I was How old was I in that house? I would be similar somewhere between two and four. And I was a screamer so much so we were in a house at that say, it's not a unit like a house so much so the police used to come because the neighbors thought my parents were abusing me.

You're fuck.

They would show up at Mom's like, oh, just come and get it and taken because I am. Even my sister, who was a bit older than me, was like, I remember, you would just we would put you in the cot because you would not stop screaming. I can't believe this. I've just remembered this. I'm sorry. I could have made you feel a bit better. Now. I try to make you feel a bit better and.

You turned out okay.

Really, I don't know. And I always had such a deep voice like this. I had this voice as a child because I had screamed so much. She tells this story better because she obviously remembers it traumatized that I've had quite a deep voice even as a child. I was never like Oscar's like, Hi, you know, little dainty little ship. I was quite like because I would scream and scream and scream and scream, and the neighbors would write letters and call the police. They moved out eventually.

Write letters to say, what shut.

Your fucking kid up or stop beating your kid up. I don't know, like, I'm fine. I was never abused as a child, let's set this record straight. But the neighbors would call the police, and so you've got it easy. My friend.

I can't believe that the police would knock on the door yeah and say can we We've just got do a welfare check. And then they come in and look at you and.

In the cockgown you staring it. I'd be like, I's like, this is what I'm dealing with.

Can you take him?

Can you take him with you? Please?

Little ship?

I know, I wasn't planning on telling that story. My mum was quite like me where I'd be like, fight fire with fire a little bit, be like shut up, shut a fun up, and sometimes you've got to do that. But like I've come to the point where it's just like you just the best off ignoring. And thankfully both my kids aren't like that, where they'll just look at me and wait to see that I'm not paying them attention and scream louder. They'll just have a meltdown, which is fairly normal.

I feel like the murderers screams needs to be more documented on social media.

Yeah, I feel like people like, send us your murderer's screams, Yeah please?

Actually yeah, I mean I also appreciate that it's quite triggering for a lot of parents to hear a young child screaming.

Yeah, but hey, there's a difference between a scream and a cry. I think I cry because something like if Oscar gets his finger stuck in the door warrants the meltdown, it's a different and you're not different.

You're not going to fielm that or maybe maybe you are rash.

No, no, no no. But if they're having a fucking winge for thing, I wish sometimes if I could just do that, I could just be out me Like when I dropped the bag, the shopping bag, the shopping bag, let's be specific, when I dropped the paper bag, well it fell out. I wish I could have just sat in the middle of the shopping center and gone, wait to see if anyone's looking, and if no one's paying attention to me, keep going.

Just screw until the police are called. Once again, we know this kid, it's just Ashwicks.

So like here he is now, you've got more facial hair than you did as a four year old, still sound the same. So I don't know best of luck to you, but I know what's going to happen now. My kids will start fucking hopefully go through it.

Hopefully. I can't remember how it lasted for with Marley. I think it was only like a short period. When I drop off a daycare, they're fucking turd. So if they're fine, and like the daycare teachers are this morning, what do you got? What do you got?

Just a classic daycare thing when you drop them off and they're having an absolute melt And honestly, I can't get out of there quick enough because I'm like, this is your fucking problem now I'm paying you to do in mine.

Of the opposite, I dropped Lola off and she's like smiles, he's happy.

Yeah, look I got fifty to fifty with us. I'll get home and ill be like, how was it. How they go, I'm like it's either yeah fine or I was got to melt down. And she's like, oh, I better call them so if he's okay, And then they're like, yeah, no fine. Once you left, they're fine. They're different kids there. But I was there the other day and another kid was melting down. That's not my kid, and it was like holy shit, and the parents are just like, I've

It's like, try to hold it. Was already running away from my own, fucking touch me.

I was already running away from my own. I don't need to run away from someone else's. But yeah, you know what, I'm just going to say it. They're turds, and that's okay to call you get a turd. It makes you feel better, makes me feel better. I think it was I don't love them any less.

I think it was Amy who said that question.

Thank you, Amy, your kids are turd.

It was Amy hanging there. Just know that you're not alone, and.

Your kids are herd and your kid.

Is a turd. We have some sad news.

We do have some really sad news.

I don't know if anyone's going to give a shit, really no.

So today my favorite segment lies, We're going to hang the boots up, not forever, just for a little rest, just for it's honestly become hearing the song gets stuck in my head for the rest of them.

Someone fucking wrote in and said I had this song stuck in my head? Did you see the comment? I love that And it was only when.

We should do a final parody of it somewhere because it's not the end.

No, no, it was just you come back. But the good news is good news is we are replacing it with a new segment.

Called drum Roll Budget Smuggler's Most Ordinary Parent Okay, which is great because it coincides with their Most Ordinary Rig competition.

People may be familiar with, which may be familiar with, I would say in terms of competitions within Australia.

But it's the most achievable.

It's it's on par with the Olympics.

If you're a fat shit usually you're going to do well.

State of origin is up there, I've entered, have you well?

I'm looking a bit tubby at the moment.

Some would say you're not you know you are you fishing.

For a compliment, But yeah, so it's Bud just the most ordinary parent parent parent.

So we would like people to submit any examples of how they have been ordinary, been ordinary, and what we mean by that is like you cut corners and are really clever.

Shit parents in our own way well said, But how do you cut it? How do you personally cut the corner? What have you done where you've at the end of the day gone That was pretty fucking ordinary of me, but also been like got the job done. Love it.

Love that an example, just quickly, an example of that. We've spoken about it many times. But when you get the early flight, like we're talking like a six or seven am flight and you just have to get the kids to the airport, they don't get changed, put the shoes on when they're still wearing their pajamas, that's an example of great being ordinary parenting.

Or you know when you've got to pack a lunch for them and you think last night's dinner, chuck it in there, something like that, that's great. Anything like that. Or it's kind of like you get the phone call from kindy Beku and you see it, you ignore it because you know I'm going to have to go pick my kid up early, so you just ignore it and then just see what happens therese are prime yeah, prime example.

So if you have or even if it's not been done by you, but someone you know, you can dub them.

In, dub them in. Oh like that.

The great thing is you're going to get something in return. Budgie are coming to the table with some great vouchers. Is it two hundred bucks?

It's two hundred bucks for every segment, So we're going to it's going to be ten segments of the back end of this year. We're going to have an email in our bio, very very specific. Don't DMS. You can if you want to check it. Well, yeah, madam, check it. I'll check the email.

You be on email patrol, I'll be in the DM al right.

So nothing's going to get done. There's going to be an email in our bio by the time this episode goes out. But yes, two hundred bucks every week, I think in the two hundred dollars is one hundred and twenty dollars worth of whatever you want from Budget Smuggler. And then they're going to be gifting you eighty dollars worth of stuff on top of that. Love that, which is great.

And perfect timing because now winter can fuck right up.

Oh yes, time for something. That's why I've been wearing shorts the last couple of records to shut off the pins great car pistons. But because I'm trying to clump tize my legs, and I'm desperate, desperate for winter to be over because it's quite frankly fucking sacks. So from next week, but for now, let's go into last Tell me, lad, tell me?

Can I go first? Okay, here we go. This one. It's quite a sweet lie. I think some of the lies that we've had are like waterline.

Psychotic, very creative is my favorite.

May have some impacting long term damage, who knows, but this one is a very nice lie. Ash and I thought, what a nice one to end on a sweet line. Not forever, if you were better, it is coming back. So this one was submitted by Rachel Love a little photo there.

She has not creeping.

I'm just admiring a listener and saying thank you very much.

That's very hot day.

It doesn't need to because I just want to say thank you for the submission. Anyway, she says, she said to a meme, so she hasn't actually like, oh, she's not using this, but she said this is like an example of one and the memes. My toddler was scared of the thunderstorm tonight, so I told him it was just the sky farting. Now he giggles when he hears it.

That's good.

Sometimes all you need is a rebrand.

Sometimes, yes, very clever because at the moment, like you don't have boys. There's not a lot of pooh talk in your house.

No, no, no, no, the girls love Marley's like oh bum bum wee wee farts. I'm hungry all of that chart because I.

Always get Oscar out of his slump with like a piece of poo head or poopa hit but or like a farty or a farty noise gets in.

I love it.

Like he was like trying to like get in amongst my leg like and like trip me over, and I was just like grabbing his head and go.

A fake fat or yeah, giving him pink eye.

Well, love it, love it.

It's like top shelf humor for a Todd line.

That's a good that's a good lie.

You'll like My Life on your phone.

My Life is a video that was sent to us a number of times. My goad, I've had this.

I want to say, I know which one you're talking about, probably about ten times so far.

Yeah, I sent a number of times to the DM, So thank you for sending that through. So Matthew, it's a video of a little girl who is sprinkling some green.

It looks like mac and cheese.

I think, yeah, but she's sprinkling over the top of it, which we would know as broccoli. But they've cut it up so fine and told them that it's green glitter.

Is it green sprinkles?

Green sprinkles, And she's sprinkling it over a mac and cheese getting those fibrous green veggies in without even fucking knowing. She loves it it. That's great.

Is do you think that would work with your kids?

Yeah, you're going to give it a go.

I want to try that on Marley.

If they don't eat anything, I make them anyway, So what are they going to sprinkle it over nothing?

But my kids, I give them bolonnaise, like on the rags is like the staple. Fuck, I've turned into my mom. That's what we used to have every night of the week.

How are you turning to your parents?

I am my mother?

Like, oh, yeah, that's something my mom would do. Yeah, I do it too.

And the kids love it. They're like, where it's the cheese and I give the packet out. I'm like, you can grab a little hand because they'd love to do it themselves and they'll.

Just rubby hands in the cheese.

Yeah, it's only they're eating it.

Really, what if the name comes over you only what Sorella a good bow and like, yeah, it's just a bit Gunky's full of shit.

But they love it. They like Marley and Lola would just like I have to like stop them. They're like shoveling it onto their bowls and I'm like that's enough. Now you've got a boy a kilo there.

It's likely going to turn like lactose intolerant from too much cheese.

It's between the mounted cheese and taken and.

You're all full cream at your house. I know, I know, barbaric. Well that is lies that we will be missed for a little while.

And if you're wondering right now, maybe you're thinking to yourself, but I love that little intro song that Matt Nash sung. Well, we have some good news as well. There is another song that will be used for the segment.

You have to wait and find out.

We have recorded one version, we weren't happy with it.

There is a Christmas album coming out. We will have like amazing and Christmas characters.

Of I think the reason Ash didn't like the first version is because he had more of a supporting role in the singing. I was front and center.

He actually need to be front and center. Was relegated to the back because I'm more of a baritone.

We listened to it and I was like, this is great, and you just had a look of just like burn it.

So damn, such a diva.

Delete it. So we're gonna after this record, we're going to do another version, just to make sure that Princess Ash is happy.

Yes, let's go into some questions, Matthew.

Please.

Every week we get questions from listeners. We can't get all of them. This segment is staying would you like to go first?

Matt All right, So this question is from Molly and she asks have you ever taken a parenting course? And how was it?

Hm? I took the pre baby parenting course. This is pre COVID too, so it's like you had to show up, do you know? I got dragged to it. It's two saturdays, six hours long. Fuck total, No, each Saturday was six hours long. It was fucked. It was fucked. It was like, just like the basics, I get it, like some people are so some people were so into it, and I was like, dude, I just sat at the back. I was like, this is fun.

What did they teach you? What are you learning how.

To do a nappy? I think there was a big segment of it that was like different birthing processes and what can happen, which look like that.

Yeah, but also they started talking to that do.

You know what's so? It was really annoying. They were like, who wants to tell us their birth plan? I was like, fucking here we go. Bring the freaks out, tell us about their birth and stories, what they know, their birthing plan, what they're going to do zen I'm gonna poop in a bath. I don't fucking care.

I'm not here to judge, but I don't need to judge.

But who cared?

But I remember when we were in we had the meetings with the midwife, and remember they took us into one of the delivery suite rooms and there was like one of the rooms where you could have the bath, you could give like the water birth. I was like, fuck, I just have these images. You know, some people upload the videos online and the water is fucking bloody. It's like they've been attacked by a shark in there, and then.

Like, yeah, the po was like in Austin Powers when they had the shark in for with leaser Bee.

I'm like, who wants to Like if Laura was in there and she asked me to hop in the water with her, I'd be like, no, fucking chair, get in, get.

In the water's nice.

Risk fucking toe a finger in that water.

Yeah.

But if you're listening and you have had a water birth or you're planning and having one, good on you, that's great, that's great, full power to you.

Yeah, nice guy over here. Yeah. But then they started doing that and then like there was like I don't need to know.

If anyone did anyone? Do you remember if anyone had like a weird birth plan?

I can't.

Didn't you were checked out?

I remember I was watching surfing on my phone for most of it.

They would have looked at you and gone, fuck, here we go? Do you reckon? They look at you now having a dad podcast and like the irony.

They're like, he apparently didn't listen. No, yeah I didn't. I didn't listen, So did you know? I would say, don't go what I think?

I went to a first aid.

First Dad's good of course.

But even with that dude like, okay, choking, yeah I could, but like anything outside of choking, I'm fucking calling Triple zero and I want.

I'm calling them if they're joking, like you better come and get him.

Yeah, like broken arm leg, I am fucking putting that in a blank, Like what's it called?

A little I always think like, what would I do? You know, if they've got to be gash, I like rip my shirt off and torn tornic, Hey you got the words?

Or if it's like splint, the'relint splint, that's the one I was looking. I don't know.

I probably wouldn't. I'd like, oh, I get that fucking thing away from me.

I can't look at any blood. I'm pathetic in those classes in the two Saturday six hours, apiece, was there anything that you learned where you go, Hey, I've applied that now to my current day parenting. No nothing, no nothing, okay, fuck, we're not doing anything to dads who don't want.

To go to those calls. I know I didn't get to Onney either. Yeah, I have to. I think if you want to be prepared.

A lot of it's just come of knowledge.

You can google it. Yeah, Like I had friends that did it over COVID. They just had to do it by a video chat, and I was like, that would have been so good because I just wouldn't have listened.

But also I think I was away. I was away working overseas ash, which is why I didn't go to the classes. Thankfully I had that excuse. But I also know that I've got my sister down the road. She was the first if i'd have kids. And I'm always like, hey, if I've got a problem, that will be.

The mostent you come up here and deal with it as the bark.

But like it's too there's too much to try and retain, like before you've actually got the baby, Like, and I'm dyslexic, I can't learn anything. Yeah, I think I'm dyslexic. I can't read it.

You're just self diagnosed. Me too, I cannot.

Unless I've got an issue that needs to be solved. There's no need for that information at all.

Yeah, totally at all.

And look at us, we're great.

Yeah, kids, great, we've got a dad podcast? What have you got?

I wonder if there's any other podcasts out there, ones that are actually like offering solid.

Information advice like don't listen to.

Well, we're not kids having a full on tantrum. We just stand there and we scream back at them, and they're all like, that's how you give your child long term damage trauma, and we're like, anyway, that's all from us.

We shut down in about a week or two, just waiting for him to come after us.

You have a question, ash.

I do now? We do joke, I say joke in quote marks.

What do they call quote nice quotations?

Quotations quotations? We do joke about it.

We are dumb.

Oh many we joke about screen time, probably why I'm so dumb. We joke about screen time a lot. But how much do you think per day screen time do you give the girls?

Okay, so where the girls have their most screen time is holidays And the reason for that is because.

Like during travel or travel travel on the plane, actual travelers.

As soon as we sit down on that plane before it's even like begun to move iPad bomb straight into it. And then the girls are also in the habit which I don't know, is it bad? Who cares? They whenever they eat food like breakfast, lunch, dinner, they always have something on whether it be like an iPad or the TV in the background. The old place we had that TV in the kitchen and the kids just like that was loved it.

So would your ball park. How many hours a day.

I don't know, like breakfast, My breakfast was like forty five minutes and then and then also like when Lala would have a sleep, mind, they would have a quiet time, and so that would be like another hour or so, and like but you know, in my defense because feel the judgment cutting at me already. No, not from me, not from you, but the listeners. I can see them right now. You should play games.

I'm going to make you look trying to judge. I don't need to just how long I don't know, like an hour, two hours a day? Yeah, that's efty, is it? I don't know. I have no idea. I can only go off like what I look. We're similar, Like there's no limit in my house. And I'm very transparent on that. If people want to judge me about like you shouldn't give you kids so much screen.

Time, you look at what you look like, Yeah.

Fucked, first thing in the morning. Sometimes we're all in bed and like we're all on our phone or four of us.

Let's just go to YouTube kids.

Yeah, YouTube kids, yeah for both of them. Makes you into it now too, It's great, And mate, that can last an hour if we're just mooching around up there, they're down, TV's on, my food's on probably however long that they're here before we go and do something and then back same thing quiet time Oscar doesn't nap. That's like two hours and then all afternoon if we don't feel like leaving the house and then.

Well obviously if it's a rainy day.

Yeah, but like we'll try and get out and then come back dinner.

Can I just interrupt you for one second? Yeah, I have seen your socials and you are very good with activities with the kids. Yeah, you're down on.

The scale for show Man.

You go to scape, we can get a photo back in the iPad.

We go to the skate park a lot, we've got to park in the complex here. We do thing, but like if we're not doing things, there's screen time. Oh yeah, and then it's like after bath and makes you go to bed and I hate brill and I are trying to have dinner. Oscars on his phone again like on YouTube kids until he goes to bed. So, like I said, there's no limit for me, and I won't set a limit. Don't care if someone wants to fucking come at me about it, don't care.

Look at you. Yeah, so aggressive And do you ever think not tonight, Oscar, I'm gonna you've had a fucking whack.

No, no, never really no, it gets him out of my hair.

Yep.

And I need to do something. Yeah, sometimes, like sometimes we watch something together. Okay, come on, let's watch a movie together. And I sometimes and we'll have a cuddle and watch a movie together. And that's kind of like it's nice. It's nice, But like, there's no limit for me. I don't think. I look, they get limited enough with everything else that they do, Like how much fucking chocolate you can eat, how much shit food you can eat, how much it's.

The path of least resistance.

Yeah, look, if I can use it to bribe them to do something too, like even Yeah, traveling is a perfect example. It's like you just need them to shut the fuck up, and we need to get to the destination so that we can half enjoy the destination, to get back on that fucking plane. For them to shut the fuck up so we can get home. There's no limit and now this is awkward. Nah. So that's where I'm at with that, and may see you'll be the same.

Look if it works for you, it does, all power to you.

It does. And you know what the best thing about KINDI is they get home, they've been deprived of TV or as soon as I turn the TV and they're.

Like, I'll do if I get my phone out because you've messaged me five times and they see that screen light up, it's like give it a fucking like scratching up my leg and I'm.

Like, fuck, love it. They love it.

I love it, Hey, Ash, that is all we have time for.

It is all we have time for today. Unfortunately a different episode than one was a bit different.

Well it's the end of an error, deal with it. But if you have enjoyed this episode, or any episode of two doting dads, Ash and myself, we would love it more than anything in this world. To get a review from you, Hey, A couple of stars, a few comments, that's all it takes, and it means the absolute world. Ash, What are you looking at now? Sorry, you're fucking screen time your phone world, Hang.

On before we do go, let's just check what my screen time is and that'll give you an indication of how long we had kids.

Okay, give us a look. I know what mine is because mine came through the other day and it was like, you're ten percent up?

What's your average daily eight hours? That? Wow, I'm actually down twenty eight percent from last week. So let's go back to the last What are you at five hours?

You're averaging five hours?

Yeah, but I want to go. I want to go back to I want to go back to last week. How do you do that? Or add twenty eight percent to that? That's what I would use.

You're answering the wrong guy, mate.

Let me just do the maths. So five say five times one point two eight six, six and a half hours solid.

So a lot of my work is done a mobile or my emails that I tell im on the phone so much. My thumb as fuck. I've got like early on set up rightists.

Yeah, comes work anyway.

Hey, that's it. Send me episode to our friends and for those of you who have been listening to us from day dot, thank you for supporting us.

Thank you so much.

We appreciate it all. All the love and sports.

See you next week.

Two. Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torrestraight onland, the people's today. This episode was recorded