One of us hates Christmas!

Yeah, yea, yea.

I'm still staring at a moment when I was singing upstairs.

I can't come good.

I like put an accent on.

Oh go give me, and I know I can't remember what it.

Was I was, but I thought to myself, maybe that's why I've never been a good singer, because I'm trying to sing in my normal talking voice. I need to sing in like.

You're stuck, mama, mama.

Man?

Is that the frog singing? It? Put it murmur?

I can't think of the song, and I was upstairs going shit. Am I about to stumble upon the fact that I can sing?

My imagine will release an album?

I do want to hear about your hemorrhoids. Oh yes, but let me just do an intro and then we can get straight into your asshole. Welcome back to two doting dads.

I'm Mattie Jay and I'm as And this is a podcast, a long one, and what she said, this is a podcast all about parenting.

It's the good, the bad, and the relatable. And if you have come wanting any advice, I'm sorry to say that for legal reasons, we do have to make it known that none is given in any capacity. On this podcast zero Ash Hemorrhoids.

I did mention to you this morning when we were on the Today Show. For those of you who did see little flex there, you've dropped second time this year.

Congratulations, thank you.

That's more times than I've ever been on anything. Yeah, look, de Roid's back.

What happened?

I don't know?

Is it big? Because I'm very green here in the world of hemorrhoids? Are you pushing too hard?

Is it just think I just must be sitting there too long? Too often? My assholes?

A mystery you keep sending me. This is like the second version of doing it videos of you on the toilet where you take your shirt off as a skit. How often do you go to the bathroom and then have to remove remove your T shirt because cook happened? Does that happen?

It's a real sweaty one a lot.

Are you saying like once a week, twice a week?

Nah, once a week? Maybe I'll get a bit hot and.

Bothered and so currently Are you in any discomfort right now?

No, I'm right now. I haven't got to that point. But I did shit a leaf the other day, but just this podcast, what the fuck is going on over here?

When we left the Today Show and we will explain why we were on the Today Show in just a second. But when we left, you said, I have to do it pooh, And I said, there's a toilet, there's a toilet around the corner. And you're like, I'm not doing it. And it's about a half an hour. It's a half an hour drive from where the studio is to your home. How did you go in the drive home?

I said, I just have to fart it out, And then I carried on about how I love farting the car because it mixes with the air.

What is wrong with when it reverberates off the leather? But yeah, you did poo out a leaf.

It was a full leaf, look like a maple leaf or kind of leaf. Like I didn't go and inspect it, like a eucalyptus fucking leaf.

Though, what have you been eating?

I don't know, don't know.

How do you know it was a leaf? It was very scratched on the way out.

No, no, it's separated from the main pile. Oh my god, what is coming out of my mouth? And floated to the surface and it was I could still see the veins in it. Oh my God, please ignore anything I've just said. Do not let that judge let you do it?

Will you go to the doctor?

No, yea, I will actually yep.

Sorry, come on mate, come on, Yeah, my wife booked me a doctor's appointment, did she.

Well, I'm a man. I can't do myself. Of course, he dig demand there.

Yeah, we suck.

Well.

I am wishing you were speedy recovery.

Thank you?

You see it?

No, believe, I don't keep it.

I want to see the hemorrhoid.

No, I don't even want to see.

We're not there yet.

I don't want to see it.

I can't wait.

I told you I'm going with the cream real blind because I don't want to see it.

I don't want to know. When we're at the point where we can confidently show each other our hemorrhoids, that's where that's where I've wanted to be for an entire time.

We'll get there. We'll get there maybe.

But we have to talk about Yeah, Today's Show. Yes, shout out to the Today Show for having a song.

They're definitely listening after that shit talk.

It's always we threw the idea around. We said, hey, we've got this calendar. It's the sexiest unofficially the sexiest calendar ever made Correct Chor Play twenty twenty four. He said, would you have us on the show and they said absolutely, we would love to, and ASHNEI said, it could be funny if we come on in bathrobes, budges underneath and new Balance sneakers, New Balance sneakers extra wide with the white sock high sock, non angler midigh and mid high sock.

It's an awkward length sock.

It is who was binding you know what it is?

It's meant to be a full length white sock. Okay, but Dad's bought it and he's bought the six to eight size instead of the eight.

Yes.

When they slipped down.

To people were looking at us, like, what the hell are these two guys? To poor cleaner, I said, I'll bring some cleaning equipment. So I rock up and you have to come from the basement up to the reception. You sign in, and I have a mop and I have the dust. And as I'm coming towards the main reception desk, I spot the cleaner who's there with a trolley and her mop bucket. She looks at me. I look at her, and she's like.

Get off my territory. The studio is only big enough for the one of us.

People must yeah, very confused.

She probably thought, is this how they tell me that I've been like?

She didn't. She looked panicked. She was she had the look of fear in her eye, and I had to kind of say, like, don't worry, I'm not gonna.

She've been working all night.

The place looks great. Yeah, bang up, job, I don't know what I'm doing here. But then it was also weird that we're on morning TV in our budgies. But also the segment before us they.

Had I think he was a.

Foreign corresponding like he was talking about war overseas, very serious topic.

Oh yeah, we're talking about the Ukraine? Were they?

When we correct, like what's going to happen with the war? Where we at? And then a weird gear shift to then cut to you and me on the couch and bathrobes with new BALANCEI.

What about him as a guest, and then seeing the other guest, thinking this is where I'm being in bad to these two guys half naked.

The guy who was I think I recognize him. He's a pretty serious journalist.

I have seen him. Yeah, and we're in the green room and you in the green room.

He must have looked at us and just been like.

Fuck, what's going on? Yeah, joke's on you, bro. We're getting paid the same.

The calendar.

Yes, Matt has got the proto type oh yeah, and then over to you didn't know it was my birthday with all his cake? Oh yeah, that is okay, glossy.

So people, I've had countless people message me as everyone is just hitting me up. I can't even leave the house without someone harassing me and going when's the calendar going to be available?

So when this comes out.

Yes, the calendar will be available for sale. I have to say I'm going to preface this and say that there's only one hundred. Yes, it's one hundred available to.

Be that's the ten that I buy for myself.

Your grandma, NaN's getting one, NaN's getting one. These are a collector's item. They are hot property. They will it's not a matter of if it's when they sell out.

If you want to chuck your breakfast stuff every morning, get one of these.

There is an account. It doesn't have a profile picture. They have messaged me five times being like me wanting to know where the calendar is and we can confirm that if you would like to buy a calendar, it is on the Budgy smuggler website. Yes, turns out calendars are not cheap to make. I fucked up. I got a quote for like ten bucks and then and the guy was like, oh, do you want to double sided?

And I was like, who's going to get a one sided calendar?

Yeah? So double sided? Double the price.

Yeah, funny man.

They are costing us also, so late in the day to have this idea to get it ready for Christmas, costing us about twenty We're going to lose money. This is a terrible business venture.

We owe it to the people, the mothers, Yes, the mothers and the wives who listen to us. We owe it to them.

How much do you want to sell it for? Like twenty two hundred dollars?

I don't know.

We have to work that out, but not March twenty.

Parents don't have a lot of money.

I feel like in the world of calendars, I've done some research, it's a very wide net in terms of pricing. Cheaper ones are ten bucks, expensive ones are forty bucks. I don't know how the pricing works. A friend's calendar is ten bucks like Friends, Friends TV shows.

It should be more because Matt's dead now, Matthew Perry. I mean that is a collectors It is a collect design. It is from cotton.

That's we're now competing against the friend's calendar industry, which is hot property out everywhere.

I yesterday saw there was a booth at the shopping center near my place. Shout out to worlwid Square. They're not sponsoring the oudside. I'm just saying that. And it's outside of Woolies. That's where they get. Yeah, and it was the fire and calendar, but they've changed it up a bit now because obviously not too sexy. It's sexy still, but there's other options. There's like a dog option and there was another option I didn't.

So depending on what kind of level of sex that you want, you can go like mid level sex with a puppy, or you can go full on hornbag, you.

Go beast reality.

Do you know how much is that selling for the fireman calendar?

I had one there. It was the favorite house Fires. No, I made that up. That would be funny though. That's the thing. I sort of cruised pass. You didn't check the price I didn't want to get too close case. I tried to sell one to me and it was a very handsome.

It was like it was a booth.

It was a booth.

Oh ship. So the firemen with their where this is.

Like imagine if that was your They're like, congratulations, you're now a fireman. But get you're too good looking. You have to actually stand at Warrwood Shopping Center and sell the calendars.

Of all the real fire there's a house on fire.

No no, no, not you. He's like trying to blow it out with calendar.

Well I was going to say, maybe maybe you didn't want to have any competition there, because the world of calendars very competitive. I know.

I was going to walk past and like push his stall over and like, ll just take off. Good thing.

I didn't because the firemen have had they've had like a choke hold on the industry. They have for a very long time. As of now, as of getting.

Ready, sexy firemen, there's a couple of sexy house dads come in your way.

They're panicking house husbands. So I'm thinking twenty nine bucks.

Yeah that's pretty good. Okay, happy with that whatever, Okay, give them away? Aready lost? Money doesn't really matter. Yeah, spent the money.

Twenty nine bucks and we'll sign a couple. The first ten will.

Sign random maybe in the back, sign on the back.

Back Yeah, bit so they Yeah, get them quick in time for Christmas. That was the whole objective. We wanted to try and get these out the door ready to make people's Christmas morning just that little bit more specially.

I can't wait for all the husbands to come at us and be like, how do you just look? Christmas ruined my Christmas with this thing. Speaking of husbands, Yes, I met a doting fan yesterday. Oh at the cafe.

It doesn't happen often, not every now and then, not for me, But how did yours unfold?

I was having breakfast with Macie Well, she was having a marshmallow different and she had two kids, beautiful kids. Sorry I just did a terrible to do that again. And she was coming out she said, oh, I love the podcast, and I was like, oh, thank you. She goes I listened to it all the time, and I was like, thank you so much. That means well, and it does. And then she said, oh, my husband hates you, and I was like, what emotion? Maybe not hate?

Emotional rollercoaster.

That's what I heard. I heard my husband hates you, and for what reason? Because apparently where all she talks about ding ding.

Ding ding a little bit jealous?

Well, jealousy is an ugly color.

My friend, he is get her a calendar.

I'm going to find out who she is, and I'm going to give her a calendar delivered. We should deliver it to a house I can leave it.

We're not going to do it on Christmas morning.

I'll find out. She must be local to me because it's a cafe we always go where she lives. Yeah, we'll find out. We're going to get her a calendar. Her husband was there, No, no, okay, but she said, I better not tell him that I ran into you. Am I having an affair? Yeah, so shout out. I didn't get your name. My bad.

But if you're listening right now, and if she is as big of a fan as what she says she is, she will be listening.

She will hunt me down, so she knows my dress.

You do live very close to the cafe I do. I've forgot her name. There was a couple of people, you know. The Spotify rapped came out the top fan was someone there in the top six percent. She came out and said, depending on how many hours of like listening or how many episodes you listened to for the podcast, Spotify tells you, like what percentage of a fan you are, so you could be like the top one percent the best that I found. You're confused.

I'm so confused, but I'm with you.

So Spotify wrapped.

Yeah, okay, I get that.

Yeah, yeah, Spotify. It's a understand that you listen.

People are literally going, this.

Is too much turns off, So show me casey Elizabeth. I just want to say she was in the top three percent.

Well, who are the top two?

Well I did a shout out to say, who are you?

How many hours is that? Oh that's a lot.

That is one thousand, what five hundred and thirty two minutes?

I feel so sorry for your ear drums cast to my voice for that long.

And she said, what do I get? Get a calendar?

Bam, it's just like that. Now it was only ninety eight. Yeah, actually today show kept one, didn't they. Yeah, so now it's ninety seven that I was going to count.

The bad they are running out that there's probably.

Enough of them for us to sign all of them like, let's be honest.

Well, I was going to suggest that, but then I know you hate anything, so I was like, we'll cap it at ten five.

Now we'll go ten.

I do want to hit you up about something? Yes, because we're now we're now well into December, right we are? Well, yeah, Christmas is I think both. It's I'm going to say circle roughly fifteen days away.

What does circle mean?

Like, I'm going to say circle means like approximately.

That's just when people say circle two thousands, like a round about two thousand.

Of the line. Please call it. I'm just going to google this. You ask a question, maybe I'll give you. Don't ask.

Don't ask a question, excuse to pick your phone up.

That you don't want to find out the answer to killing me? So means approximately, Oh.

There you go?

So you go?

You're right? Or is that mate? Yippie always always am.

So Christmas is very very close around the corner. Obviously, it's a very exciting time for who everyone involved, kids, parents, It's a great time. It's one of the I would say arguably the best time of the entire year where you're going except for one person, and that person is ash Wicks. You hate Christmas. I sure should not. You would have been a Christmas wrench.

I probably used hate. I don't hate it. So let's sorry. Chairs are so fucking I hate this chair.

Okay, sorry, I bought new chairs specifically for.

You because it's like some they're a bit harsh tops.

Yeah, they're like a rope.

I told you that I had like a massive pimple in the back of my boil, scratched the ship out of it.

It's not a hemorrhoid, it's a boil.

It's yes, it's hard to keep your neck on my leg afterward.

Absolutely, you hate Christmas. But does it come from the fact that you revealed to me as a child you never had a Christmas tree?

Yeah? So when I was a kid, it's not that we never had a Christmas tree. We just didn't have a Christian tree in our house. As that was coming out of the mouth. That was dumb. So at my place of residence, in the home that I lived in, not an orphan, sorry, Martin. No, mine nan had the Christmas tree. The more I talk, the worse of this sound. So my grandmother had the Christmas tree at her house because we would always go there for Christmas in the afternoon,

People were just hoping, people still came, praying.

They'll come back. And then that's when we all of a sudden we had to have and like we were older, and it was more like we were getting presents for each other more than you know, Mum and dad. It wasn't that Mom and Dad didn't believe, like didn't like.

Well sun to cry. Okay, question the people.

Who listen to this podcast must think this is the most complicated human being in the world.

Now, you know, Why was there ever a point when you were younger where you would go to someone else's house and you would see their Christmas tree. You would then come back to your own home and go Hang on a second.

I was never lied to about Christmas. If you've got kids in the car and they're listening to this, yeah, just a warning. I was never lied to about Christmas. So is in the sand who.

Gives the gifts? Which we all know wink wink is Santa.

Yeah, what really gave away is my nan dressing up as Santa.

Look.

I also liked that about my childhood that I was never fucking fluffed about with that shit.

I remember being in grade one approaching my mum in the corner of the house and being like, just tell me, how does he do it? It's impossible. There's so many houses and.

Working on your sucking center off.

Right, So your parents were just straight up.

They were pretty straight up with me. Yeah, but the neighbors kids and stuff weren't. They was still in fairyland, so they were telling me not to tell them.

You the person then that went around to all the kids and being like, sorry, timmy hate to break it to you. It doesn't fucking exist.

Yeah that's me, that was you.

No, I was just crushing dreams.

I was respectful.

I don't think you were.

I don't even believe that. But yeah, it just it just wasn't something that. Also, we were pretty poor in that. No, we still celebrated Christmas. It wasn't like and I did enjoy Christmas as a kid because I get to go to my nan and be with my nan and stuff. Like that, but it like wasn't something we celebrated at.

Home Christmas carols. Are you into that or not?

Really? It used to work in retail when I was like in my teenage years. That is painful, so painful. That another reason I also think like Christmas is like, now I've got kids, I humor it. My wife loves it. She Christmas. That's great. I'm not going to sit here and completely pooh pooh on it. But I'm like, if it didn't exist, I wouldn't bother me.

It's a lot different. Have you ever had a Christmas overseas where it's cold?

No, the Christmas in Bali once was the best. Did you have to see anything?

But if you have a Christmas like being in London, it is so depressing. The weather is so bad and miserable that the only thing that is just giving people any glimmer of hope, like any like just minute amount of happiness alcohol is that and Christmas. And so I think you have a different appreciation, yeah, for Christmas when you see that, Like, if it wasn't for Christmas, people would be in a lot worse place than what they are right now here.

It's just it's just busy, dude, it is busy. Look like I said, hates a strong word. I despise it. No, it's just I just humor it for my kids.

Now, whose idea was a Christmas tree at your place.

Where I live now?

Correct?

I think it was just know Aprils. I guess if April was like I couldn't care less, we wouldn't have one. She's what yeah, And then when she's like, I'm going to set it up, I'm like, like was saying, I've got a humor because I have kids. That's it.

I set Christmas tree up.

No, actually, I set your Christmas tree up.

Well, we did it as part of the shoot for the calendar, not to keep plugging it.

How many times I washed my hand and Laura.

Was like, you have to take it down, not the tree, the decorations, because I want the kids to put it on.

And we had that memory.

Yeah, that would tarnish what I've just created with amen.

As soon as I say, Marley and Laura, do you know what I set it up?

Well, Laula did a crap job. It's a nightmare trying to get a four year old and a two year old to put on decorations in a tree.

April whipped out our tree on a Sunday afternoon after we'd been like to a thirtieth the night before. I was like why, and she was like, no, I want the kids to do it with me. I'm like, do it when they're not here, it's so much easier.

Or get them to do like the final decoration.

Or something like that. And I had a tally of how many times April lost his shit and how many times the kids lost their shit. So April lost his shit three times kids and the kids two meltdowns between them. Yeah, it's not bad. Odds they kept stepping on sharp things and like ah and then that's right. Oscar went outside to get something for the tree and makes he just like shut the door on him.

I don't know if this Christmas tree is a splurge and.

Got the one with the built in We're getting that next time.

Fairy lights, but it freaks me out. And I'm sure they're a lot better now, but I'm like, if that I loves to keep them on, She like doesn't want to turn them off at night time, and I'm like, that's going to burn the house down. That thirty dollars Christmas tree from Kmart.

I wouldn't trust it. We turn hours off. Masy comes down the stays first thing the morning she turns back on.

It's probably not the right time to tell you Ash as well that if you are on the Gold Coast and you do want to get into the festive spirit with Carrols on the beach, oh yes, on December seventeenth. It's a Sunday, it's free.

You're not good enough to host the Sydney Ones? Is that what the deal is?

The Sydney Ones. The Sydney Ones aren't is good?

The Domain ones? You tell me I've been to.

It's crap.

It's a night minute go there isn't it.

It's a nightmare. Where's this? One's on the beach surface, Paradise Beach, So you've got to swim in you got Yeah, you can be catching as you're singing like rid Off the Red Nose Reindeer or whatever song that is. Yeah, okay, when is it December seventeenth?

Yes?

I don't want to pressure you. I don't want to force this upon you because I know what kind of childhood you had.

Carry on like, it's really traumatic. She'd have seen her around Halloween Jesus.

Just an idea, mate, let it marinate.

I'm not going to go, okay, but you're going to go. You're going to host it. I'll be there with your beautiful long legged wife.

So if you want to bring the kids along.

No, okay, I'll get the rundown. We are actually on Saturday. We're recording this now in the lead up to that day where everyone's like, it's going to be like forty two degrees, five hundred degrees.

Where are you going to be?

Apparently that afternoon we're doing going an avalon for some Christmas carols. What against my will?

That's gonna it's forty degree?

I know, dude, you're telling me I've got to go to something I hate in the hottest day of the year.

What about Mazie?

What about it?

She said?

What about me?

What about you?

Really white that I'm concerned for that day?

I've turned the kitchen light on and I've looked over and she's like, sizzling.

Yeah, if you turn the light off. She closed, speaking about Macy really quickly. Just on Macy, my perfect little girl has turned. She's turned on me. The terrible Two's right, you've got a two year old Osco wasn't bad in the two to three in Major sort of like he was just cheeky, cheeky talk back but not evil. Macy flat out evil.

Why what has she done?

The silent assassin? What hasn't she done? All of a sudden last week she starts hitting, hitting who whoever is in her way, anyone anything.

She is so sweet. I've never heard a peep from her hitting.

She bit April yesterday.

Bit April. Yeah, well give me the give me the context of the bite.

So she was trying to get to April while she was sitting like this. Yeah, she was like on her legs, but April was trying to do something else, and because she wasn't picking her up, bit her on the leg.

How do you combat that the back?

No, that's actually I've heard that. I've heard that. Tried to explain that to me, but I was like, don't you fucking bite a child right in front of me. I think she was like pretending like he's gonna think it's a game, like.

The other week when I farted on Marley. When she fighted on me, Hey, I have not been fighted on since yet.

Not probably when you're fast asleep because you never wake up for anything. We squatted over your mouth and gone, come on, come on cop that dad. Hitting anybody anything in their way. Oscar especially is her favorite hit biting. I've caught her trying to bite Oscar. She also does this thing where she will not take no France will not. So she was like strumming my guitar in the bedroom.

You beat your child?

Cut that. Yeah, then like didn't listen, wouldn't listen, kept turning around, shaking her head, tell her to get out of the kitchen. She's just shaking her head, smiling and shaking her head.

Evil.

And then the other day this is the worst. So first of all, she was me, her and Oscar were all in bed and like she was kicking him and he's like stop and I'm like, stop kicking. So she leans over, grabs his hair like this right, doesn't move for those at home, hands still got a fistful of his fucking hair. Fistful, and I go, don't. She smiles back at me. Yanks it right, down to the like the mattress on the bed, and he just screams, and she's like lockjaw like a staffy. I cannot get the

She's just got to you just gotta write it out. What are you gonna do?

Actually gonna sell her on Facebook? Marketplane? How much cheap? Take her? Get her out of the house.

She's a picture.

She's so sweet. She'll come up and give your kids on the cheek afterwards, and you're like.

It's weird that she's abusing your son with a smile on her face.

Yeah, it's psychotic. She's fucking evil.

Because Marley, when she has a tantrum, she she does it in full tantrum mode. Like it's weird, isn't it how one goes one way and the other goes opposite. We don't really have the evil side of Lola. She's just like a big old like Marshmallow who's funny and cheeky. Where is Marley? Like even now? Like last night did were at the RSL having a beautiful dinner. Everyone's having a great time. Laura's sister's there, her family chicken pump and I had the steak Ritzy and Marley was flipping out,

She's like the Bricki's laptop.

She's like, I want to play the games. And I was like, there are adult games and.

She's like, what they call it New Zealand Nana's laptop or something, Nana's piano. I don't know, something like that. But what's wrong with them?

It's just, you know, you put it perfectly, And a lot of people were like, I agree. When you're like, they're just drunk.

It's like owning a drunk person. Yeah, they seriously don't make any sense. They blabber, they can barely walk straight, and then they keep at the end of it, they'll be like, oh so much, man, it's the worst. Another thing makes he's doing is going to sleep and then shitting herself. That is the worst.

It is so annoying.

It's like performing minor surgery to like s don't wake her up? Do you wait down there.

With a torch in my mouth, slowly trying to likewly trying.

To surgically remove a fucking nugget from her and then wrapping her back up without awaken up.

It's painful. I'm sorry going through this. I want to say it gets better, but it doesn't. Talking about random behavior that laid on me that we're trying to figure out. Last week we spoke about your friend who had a child that, yes, bang their head against the mattress whenever they went to bed, the head banger. They went to the doctor. Doctor said that it's fine, they'll grow out of there.

Several doctors.

We've had a lot of messages come through. Firstly, a lot of people who grew up as headbangers and now they're adults. They say they're totally fine. Hard to read the message.

Mistakes, that's what they say.

They said that they did it just as a way of comor fitting themselves. But I've got a few others. There's one here from Emma. She says she loves the pod.

Thanks.

She's a final year medical student. But she says, but obviously this is not advice, because we never give advice. She says it's quite common in young kids as a way to self soothed. So she said, her dad, you said it as a kid. But she also says it's a type of stimming, like a repetitive motion that is particularly common with autistic children. And apparently ash twenty percent of kids do this.

Twenty percent of kids bang their head against the mattress like that.

Yeah, yep, So nothing to be overly concerned about. In case there are people listening that.

Look, the couple that are my friends that gave me this, they're not overly concerned. They've been to doctors. They're like, look, she's fine, she'll grow out of it. And apparently she was doing it at Kinney too, and then she stopped doing it at Kindy right, and then after a few weeks went back to doing it. Interesting, very interesting.

I mean, well, this case is not closed. No, we will keep this open.

We'll keep this open.

Be warned. I guess I don't want to encourage other people to give us any type of question that requires medical advice.

Yeah, this was like, oh, why not first just see.

Because it came from a friend of yours.

Act, don't send me pictures of your kids or videos of your kids doing something like actually, why do they do this? Because it'll be ignored, deleted unless it's really funny. Matt, it is time for the last time.

This year makes me upset when we say that, yes, a little bit emotional for ordinary pairent.

We desid in their repair, ordinary repair. We don't know what we do. We don't know what we're doing because we're repair man. There's a segment where people send in their ordinary pair stories. We've been doing this for the back end of the year. This is the last one. This is the last two hundred dollars worth of budget smoking gear we are going to give out. But at the end of this segment there is something else that we are willing to offer. Correct, So let's just get

That sounds like a great plan.

That was the wellly constructed sentence that a man is Okay. This one comes from Nadia and it says, I make my son what I want for breakfast. I e yoga granola bowl sounds good. Then she gives it straight to him her child, which is what she wants, which is what she wants. Correct, And then she makes my breakfast aka wheat bigs, which of of course is their child's breakfast, and then starts to eat that, and within seconds he tries to switch it because he always wants to eat

It's brilliant.

That's great. It's a good idea.

Every time whenever I make for Lola, doesn't matter what I've got, she could have neutral gain, which he loves. As soon as I have anything in a bowl, She's like, give me that right now.

Yeah, give it to me right now. I find that. And I had this conversation with my mate yesterday. He was like, I go, what are you up to you guys? I'm just watching my kids eat younner. He goes, I can't believe they're eating it. I was like, I know, I like put so much effort into their food. The other day when they sat like kids sit down at dinner, he comes in, I just put empty plates in front of them to see what would happen that were fine,

Okay, that's uh.

There are any dicks in this any lube.

No lube no. So last week's was a cracker.

That's a great. Yeah, that's the best one.

But this one is very good. It's ordinary adhd ooh, topical, topical, so Abby says. My husband is usually mister dependable. He literally never drops the ball when it comes to the kids.

God tongue.

Their eldest has ADHD and he's always losing stuff so mainly his drink bottle is Jumpers, et cetera. He gets it all and in a rare moment of negligence from.

The dad, well said, thank you.

He has forgotten to pack the son's lunchbox.

Another another one happens to the.

Best of us. So we sent the kid out to school, realized that he's forgotten the lunch box. However, given his track record, you did not want to be tarnished. He's called the school and let's just say the kid's called Timmy.

Did you call him Timmy?

Seriously, let's call him let's call him Sam nice. He's caught up the school and said, hey, Sam, you know he's not very reliable. He's forgotten his lunch box and I just want to say that, like I apologize.

So he's flat out of his blame.

He's got the ADHD unfortunately, Yeah, it's you know, it happens. So he said, I'm just going to order from the Touch shop, so please let Sam know go hungry exactly, and Sam didn't even question it apparently when they were like, oh Sam, because you forgot your lunch box, you got touch shops?

Okay, what so okay, So let me the chain of events here. He's been left to make the lunch, didn't make the or did make lunch, we don't know, didn't send the kid with lunch, then rings up the school to blame his kid for forgetting the lunch.

Yeah that's great. Oh god, well, Abby, mister dependable has gotten you tilder bucks worth a buddy smuggling.

Still dependable, but also he blanches kids for most of the things that suck up.

Congratulations. What was the other thing we have to offer? Ash? Yes, so this is red hot, hot off the press.

Hot off the press being Christmas being summer. Okay, why not go out get yourself a fresh pair of budgies, maybe some matching budgies with the whole family, because they come in women's, men's, kids, even dogs now have leads. Why not? Or if you want to treat your dad, there's some tinny holders.

Can I just say Marley and Lola love love their little leg watermelon ones. Yeah, the pineapple ones they've got like three.

Now, they've got heaps, heaps, heaps heaps matching. Get it done with our twenty percent discount sight wide?

Should I do it?

And they're like, we've gone crazy here at two dining dads, dog leashes, kids, swimwear, even mom and dad's budget smugglers, they're all going to race out the door.

Twenty percent of sales, sales, sale, everything must go.

Buddy, Smuggler's closing down.

So the code will be No, they're not sorry. All the employees a budge going, oh my god, is how you're telling what's happened? Just fight everyone? Fact. So let's treat yourself. It is. The code is actually valid until Christmas Eve. So if you want that last minute present, it is two doting dads is the code, will leave it in the show not.

And do you know what the most exciting thing is? Ah? Well that twenty nine bark calendar. Oh hang on.

So we're going to lose more money. Great?

Fuck, I'm just so stupid.

Do you want to know what the difference is? So we want to know? Take six dollars off a chair.

All right, mister smarty pants.

It's not exactly not bad.

But'son who dropped out of school? Fifteen six dollars off? So twenty three bars for the calendar.

That's beautiful. So plus maybe add fifty dollars make some money back. But anyway, that's it for that segment for this year. We'll leave you with that discount code. Share it to whoever you like, enjoy. If you want to buy me some, go for it. But let's move on now. Two questions.

A couple of questions before we wrap up this episode.

This is in our final episode for the year, but it's a final segment of ordinary parents might do something special. Next week we'll come up with something that.

We should do. Okay, for next week's episode, do it naked. I want to know best meltdowns?

Oh yeah, send us your best meltdown.

So, for example, from today's episode, Marley not being able to play the Pokey's at the rsl L.

That's a random one too, I mean, I get it the lights. Next, you'd be like I wanted to bet on that miss the jump just over there on the dish liquors.

What's the dish lickuer dogs?

You'll get there.

Okay, listen the questions, Ash, I've got one here. This one is from Shannon Shan. Shout out to Shannon.

Shout out to Shan.

She wants to know, Ash, is it difficult managing sending your boy oscar to two different daycares for example, like friends and cares, et cetera. Do you have any tips? Have tips like why do you send your boys to two different daycares?

Idea? Actually, we should probably call my wife. Should be my wife, Okay.

Let's call it. But if we ask her to be on the pode, you'll say no.

So we'll just pretend that we're just chatting, so she knows that we're recording today. But we'll just give a.

Call and we'll just put it on. Hold her up to the microphone.

Okay, okay, let's do that. Hi, Hey, how you go on?

Are you good?

Good? Hey? Sorry to bully. That quick question that's actually asked me a really important question and I don't know the ANSWER's sect standard. Why do we send Oscar to two different daycares?

Because they're two different ones a preschool and one's a daycare?

Okay, is there any other better? And I think I think preschool?

He it's pretty much like setting him up for school.

Okay, it's not cheaper or something.

Oh yeah, it's also free. Why it's free?

I don't know.

They have some ever since COVID they announced like some funding thing and you get two three.

Days of pre school.

So April, can you not keep them at that that one for the whole time?

No, they're not. You can only do two days a week. Is that right?

Oh?

The one his favorite one? Yeah?

Favorite. I don't need this, but yeah, so that's the.

Thing that he can.

Then like they have a two day program.

For three to four year olds and then the three day program for the four to five year olds.

Yes, I didn't know any.

Of any of this, and that's why he can only go make them three days and it's yeah, basically like just fitting them up for school.

I thought they just said that. I don't want to deal with him more than two days.

Quick question before she goes, April, Sorry, is it a night there? Having two daycares like adjusting to two different spots, not at all.

Well, you're not the one going to two different daycas. He's sometimes sometimes he likes one more than the other. I propose one over the other, So getting in to go to the second one is a bit of right pain, but it is what it is. I d reckon. He says that, all right, thank you, thanks April, all right, bye bye.

Well there you go.

There you have it. But there's the answer now tips and tricks.

Well, if you got to ask of that, oh fuck, go back. No is it hard for you doing drop off?

It is for like the back end of the week, because he loves the first and front of the week because they're all older kids and it's more of a like a I don't know, it feels like a little community of that age kid. Okay, then the other one there's younger kids, you know, And.

He does the front end of the week. At the daycare that he.

Like the preschool, right, and then he got daycare.

Yeah, how do you manage the friends scenario? I guess he's not really doing like playdates, is he.

Well, we haven't had a birthday yet, so yeah. Look in the first one, he's got his clique friends that we hang out with all the time anyway. The other one, who's got one or two friends that he's like excited to see when he gets there. If they're not there, it's difficult. And sometimes there's a little bit of cross pollination that one of the kids that he goes to and the other one also goes to this.

One cross pollination.

And when the bees came flying and sorry, but yeah, I would.

Say hanging out with knowing those kind of words.

That's I watched the Bee movie. Yes, actually great movie. Also Jerry Sunfeld's coming out.

I watched Bee Movie as well. Did you graphics are a bit shit? Also, it's weird that he's got the hots for a woman. Sorry, we're going on a massive tangent. Was put this back on track?

I'm sorry. Wow, it's weird that they can talk. Ah.

Yes, do we have time for a quick question?

Any tips I've got bribe, bribe, bribe, and the bride doesn't work, threaten them. Okay. Next question, something a little bit different for this one. Usually I'll ask you a question, but I've got two really rapid fire questions from two randoms that have come through on the d First one, it's obviously about parenting. It's not just about life. Well, it could be about life either that you decide yes. First question is it expensive?

Ah? Yes? Like horrendous?

Okay, enough said. Does it get any better?

No?

Okay, that's all good time for Thank you for the honesty, Matt. If you've liked this episode, please feel free review, send it to a friend, like, subscribe, follow us on Instagram, Keep an eye out for this calendar and Matt's pubes.

Yes, keep an eye out for the month of June.

June specifically.

I now look at that photo and realize that why didn't the photographer Mel, Why don't you say, hey, you got your samtar. But if you do have any listener questions as well, be mindful that Ash and I don't like to give any type of medical advice, so keep those ones to the professional. Have a crack, but anything else send them away.

Yes, we have one more episode this year.

Yes, what a year?

What a what a year? And some sad news. Matt, this will be my last episode of Two Learning Dads this year. No waon't no, damn it, I fucked that up. I was going to try and get another crack at that. Na okay, I just think it. But anyway, Yes, the last episode next week will be recording. Get your questions in if you've got some good ones. Look, I'll take the metaphor ones for Christmas. If yours kids stuck a stuck an ornament? Other bum I want to know about.

It's the guys next week.

Thank you guys.

Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight Island the people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land