I got spotted last Saturday. Oh for the first time we got spotted.
We've been spotted before, so this is the second spotting. Do you remember we were going to the Super Bowl?
Oh yeah, and a lady was like, hey, hey, love you as you Matt Or is it the time when I got spotted and then you got you're verbally abused?
Do you want to tell that story? Let me do the intro first, and then you can tell that story if you want.
Okay, Yeah, Welcome to two Dodding Dads.
I'm Mattie Jay and I'm Ash. This is a podcast that is all about parenting. It's the good, the bad, and the bad, I mean, and the related It's all bad, all right and more bad. There are many experts out there in the world of parenting, many other experts, not us. We are far from experts. If you're coming for advice, to stop it, stop it right now. This is your first time. There's no advice here. You've been warned. And before I forget.
We ran a competition on our socials to win two brand new baby Beyond Harmony carriers, and I'm stoked to say that we have a winner. It is Sarah Arts. Congratulations will be in touch to send out to brand new carriers to you asap ash. Yes, I didn't think we'd tell the story, but you can tell it if you like.
Yes, So we were just talking about Matt got spotted. I got spotted. It was at the market, A two doting dad's spotty. Yes, he just said, he just said dad, which is great because normally I only get spotted by the female. Did you joke him off? Afterward? I was like, I'm here, You've deserved it, reach around on you and he just yelled out and said, hey, two doting dads. And before I was like, I was ready for a
full blown convo. Let's go want to That's all he wanted And I was there with lube in one hand, like, what about I have said that if someone leaves us a review or we would jerk them on. Would Yeah, yeah, it's a fair trait, but I mean, I know it's all it's nice and new for you to be spotted or recognized somewhat used to it. So just like the other day, for those of you who weren't there, which is all of you listening, Matt and I were at
our producer Keisha's thirtieth birthday, Happy birthday. Cache at it and we had a lovely lunch. We did have a lovely lunch of beer, yes, and some taco taco things, and it was a bit of a weird met I said it was like being in a Chinese man's basement eating Mexican food. That's kind of the theme.
It was quite sure what cuisine it wanted to be, but it was like a bottomless margaritas.
They do this thing, it's called fusion, so now they could just like I fuse everything together. It's like when I buy a cheeseburger and mc nuggets and I put mc nuggets on the cheeseburg fusure. We had a lovely lunch and then as we're getting up to leave, a table of young ladies and their partners said to me, oh, can we get a photo with you me specifically very enthusiastic. They just I think it was did you get your shirt grabbed? They grab your shirt or is.
It an arm pul They were scurrying towards it to stop you when you desperate?
Yes, no, they weren't desperate. It was a mister. They asked if they could take MAT's Oh take the phone.
Hang on hang on, can I just just chime in for a second. They were so enthusiastic, they were so starstruck by seeing ash Aka jam pikelets in the flesh. There was like a moment of like, you know, they almost couldn't get the words. Look, and I saw it, and I thought, you know what, I'll be the nice guy.
And I said, excuse me? Would I thought? You said, you're going to let me tell this it?
Would you like me to take a photo? That's what I said, nice guy, Nice guy?
Yeah, in which they said, yeah, of course that'd be great. Look, they did have a they had a belly full of piss, let's be honest, okay, And it was bottom as Marca. Everyone was well lubricated in the venture. Yeah. And then I grabbed the phone. Yeah, okay, you were already kneeling down. I was sitting. But it was funny. They also had that, Remember they had the tablecloths over there to imitate how I do my content?
Yes, And I simply said, because it was you know we're talking about it was like a basement. It was very poorly lit. It was very dark, okay, And I looked through the leno first.
You're also slightly hurt in your eyes. She looked at me and she's like listening. He was, don't reverse the camera and take a bloody photo of yourself, take a fucking photo of yourself. And she's like, don't do it.
You know, the old gag of like yeah, and I thought, never entered.
My car, and now you're gonna do it.
And then I said, I looked through the camera like screen and it was so dark, and I said, do you want to flash or no flash?
That's right, A very simple question in which because some.
People are very like, yeah I flash. Some people all for the flash, and so I just wanted to you know.
You were just trying to be a good photographer. What was the response. You looked at me, dead in the eye and said, just take the fucking photo. And look, honestly, it was very aggressive, but you did take it a little bit too. You didn't have a diva moment, Matt. You stormed off. You stormed off, and I was like no. I was like, he's hurt. Yeah, you were gutted, and honestly, you weren't very happy about it, and you dev it out the door. I threw the phone back and I said,
you take the fucking photo, which we get it. You were hurt. How do you want me to respond? I just want you.
I'm like helping someone out. It's like if you're changing someone's car tire that's flat, and you're.
Like, you're probably getting paid for that.
No, if you're given your time and you're like, hey, do you want is the spare in the trunk?
Just moment you change the fucking tire?
Like that's like, hey, I don't have to, I'm not a photographer. You did, I could be enjoying.
I was even calling you a diva at the time, just to really rough this. Just sal you know where your fucking allegiance lies. Anyway, And you saw you coaxed your back over. You were like, he's always like this. That's after a few drinks, it gets like No. I was like, oh, look, he's really upset that you didn't recognize him and then made him take the voter. So I came back. You came back after you had after
you threw your fucking toys out of the cot. You came back, took me idiocre photo, and then we moved on with our lives. Look, honestly, they did say they're from the Central coast and they're like, fuy, Yeah, they were pretty. They were pretty lit up.
So I think her friend knew that the one who had said those.
Who was too much? It was too much. Now. We all got together later and were like, how about Matt just worm off like a diva. You're going to be just a punching bag for people. Yes, spear pin cushion, that's who you need to be, or knock her out. I'm just whushka.
I did throw the phone back with like like a mallet, pitch mallet.
I'm glad it made you happy. It did. It made me really happy because it was really really funny.
You know, you're a sensitive guy, and so when when you're taking a photo and one of my fans is like, just take the fucking photo.
I'll do as I'm told.
Anyway, Anyway, how are you You've had a stress? We both had stress, morning Mate.
Karma has really really really hit me today. So in the last episode we spoke about when I do the kidney drop off, and I'm like, your problem got a little bit rins from a few child to educators. Get out of yourself. So yes, it's karma, yeah, and I'll copy it. I'll cop it on the chin. I'm not going to send someone a rude comment about it, but yeah, I feel like this morning I had to do drop off. My wife had to go to work early this morning,
which is fine, she's allowed to. She's a powerful woman. Apparently, well said thank you, Just fucking shut up and listen and just melt down. After meltdown, sobbing. Who was it which Oscar? So? Oscar knows what day it is. Macy doesn't know what's going on. She's like, it's light outside or it's dark outside. That's as much as she knows. She was okay, but she was feeding off his energy. So this morning woke up, we're all in my bed. Whatever, mum's gotta go go instant meltdown. Now, Oscar goes to
two kindys. One he likes, when he does not like so much because he's getting a little bit older and he likes the older one. Goes back to that one. The one he doesn't like. Is that just a Wednesday Wednesday Thursday? Yeah, it's good for me, bad for him. And he just was uncontrollably sobbing. Oh it was different, and I was like, this is payback. I was trying to reason with him because I have Macy off on Thursdays. And I was like, look tomorrow, like my dad's down,
my mom's down. I was like, well, you can come with us tomorrow. You don't have to go tomorrow, but we just need to get done today because I've got too much to do. A great offer. Yeah yeah, And he was like yeah for about one second and then he's just sobbing everything. Literally. I was like, what do you want for breakfast? Rice bubbles? So he's eating rice pubbles that little table there, sobbing into his life.
He was like like command what he got broken up with?
And then Macy's sitting acrost with him, and Macy goes she's at the moment she's really into doing thumbs up, and she goes big thumb up, but she does love this like the back of the hand towards the person. That's the right way to do it. That's it. And he just was like, I don't want a thumbs up. But I was just like, oh my god. Anyway, I had to take a few deep breaths and I said, Okay, it's all right, it's okay. Trying to be patient but also getting very frustrated, and because it's.
Just every everything, every mouthful is a punished And I was like, okay, let's go, let's all go upstairs, let's go get dressed together.
It's nice up there, the sun's out on the balcony there, into a nicer environment. She's still like like I'm good, but then she was sort of getting upset because he was getting upset and I was getting upset. And then I was like, it's going to be warm today, and I was like, just put some shorts on, and he was like, okay, no worries, and then he's just like putting a sock on, so slow, sobbing like morning pretty much.
Did you want to FaceTime April just to nah? Because she was on the bas I did ring her and I was.
Like, because sometimes you want to make him know what you're dealing with.
I was like, I don't know what to do. Like I was nearly going to be like, he's going to have to be here today because he was just so distraught, which I felt really bad about, but I just had too much on today. April was not here anyway, So we came back downstairs and he's like, oh, I'm cold. I was like, okay, well, why don't you go and put some pants on? Then? If you do, I didn't make himself through the cold. Like this was the eighties or fifties, they'd be like, suck it up, like suck
it up. It was in the country, suck it up, go and melt the cows. He went upstairs and I was like cleaning up a little bit. Macy's having a sulk about something or whatever. I was like, oh, like, you're right, buddy, trying to just keep my tone nice, gentle, Oh are you okay, buddy? Like, because I also need to get them out of the door.
Because when they were in that kind of mood, as soon as you raise your voice, just like a smith, just as soon as like any change in tone sets them off again.
And he was already like the poor kid, like his eyes like he hadn't slept in days because he just cried for an hour straight, sobbed like I felt terrible. But anyway, I was like, oh, like, are you okay, buddy, like calling out up the stairs and he's like no. I was like, oh my god, what what is it? And he was like, I can't get my feet through the holes. I walk upstairs and he's trying to put tracksuit pants on with his shoes still and his feet
as stuck in the bottom bit like that. The rubbers just caught onto the cuff of the pant and he is just full. He's wailing at this point, and I fuck anyway, I'm up there, fixed him up, promised him heap chocolate, and Macy wanted I had to give him the same. So eventually we got to kindIn. He had a little cry there and then he's out the window, out the window waving like sobbing, and I thought I got in the car. I went I brought this upon myself last week by saying fucking see us later.
The early educators of this country heard. Then they've cast a spell over Ashton Wicks. May his children be fucking moody forever.
Yeah, it was like and then you know, I did. I did actually feel bad because I was like, wait, what path I felt bad until I got my can't drive away.
In those situations when you drop them off a daycare, do you just drop and run?
Because you know, sometimes that's exactly what I would do. Clean break is good, clean, bright, And like today I was like, this is payback for all the other times I've just dropped and ran like this was not like a wingy, annoying cry, like just this was he was legitimately sad and I actually felt for it heart. Yeah it did. It actually did. And then I was like, thank god, will you pick him up early, Papa, pick him up early today? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My kids.
Also, you called and Lola was screaming in the background.
It was just it's the moon. The moon. It's not the blue moon or the red moon. I don't know. I feel like it was funny because Lola's screaming in the background. And then you got Marley on the phone going, ash, I can click, I can click. I was like, I don't know, how do I read the room? Yeah?
It took me an hour and a half to get out the door. This morning, just one of those mornings.
Anything sense so easily.
One second they're having the time of their life, like we're in the same thing, We're in bed, everyone's like whoo. I showed Mali a photo when she was a baby, and she.
Was like, oh, Dad, that's cute. Everyone's just like jumping on the bed. Yeah.
And then like a split second later, she wanted to do she wanted some drawing and I was like, no, I'm not doing drawing because we're going out of daycare flipping tables. And I was like, oh god, anyway, but hey, I want to speak to about There's two things. Two things that happened to me recently. The first is that I got my Father's Day gift from Laura.
Oh yeah, she very generous.
She booked in a massage Swedish Chinese Balinese fusion.
I'll take. I'll take. I love a massage. I love a massage.
But there's only one thing that I have to explain to the messus when I get a massage.
They like, don't laugh at my third nipple. I said to the guy, I said, it was a man.
It was a man, which is like, it's good in that it's strong.
It's like a nice muscular I what.
A firm massage. But I said to him, I'm like, look a lot of tension in my back and shoulders and neck. If you can focus on that area, I've.
Got a lot of tension in my back, shoulders, neck, head, feet, arms, buttocks, legs, feet, everything, chest, stomach, A lot of tension. Get to it. And he understood. He's like, yeah, great.
He's like oh because you on your laptop and I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm on laptop all the time.
You know, I like an email ash you love it. I love it. You opened up your computers today and the first thing that load's like your homepage is linked in. I love it, absolutely love it.
I always have, always corporate. And I said, I just don't want my thighs to be done. I get very ticklish, so from the knee.
I don't feel like being hypnal with that.
And he was like, totally understand. And I said, fit calves fine me to hips noga. And I feel as though during my massage I was touched inappropriately a number of times.
How look, it's best that we talk about it now so that the trauma doesn't build up and build up and build up, and then when you're an adult, because you're still a child, you have suffer long term trauma.
And I talk about the twenty twenty three Father's Day massage that.
And then you end up like mister Freeze across the street here, the local meth head who wills a samurai sorder.
Who we will touch upon a little updated. Yes, give an update for people who are like mister Freeese. Don't worry Ben, we will tell you what's happening there. So he did the massage, he did my back and you know, you kind of like you have a gauge of time, you know, and he touched my back for it must have been ten minutes. And then he was already onto my calves and I thought that's pretty quick. And then he started then rubbing like my thighs.
Why am I getting in a rector?
And I thought, maybe he's just got his routine and we'll get back to the calves. And then he just like man, he was just he was working the thighs and the ass like he.
Just was the back of the thigh. Yeah, so maybe he just thought you didn't want to do the front of the thigh.
I was so specific and I said front back? Did you be like dude, well, I didn't want to fucking say anything.
Were you naked?
I had my budgies on, and I didn't know what to say, Like I didn't want to I thought, maybe he's going to do it. For a second, I had an hour and a half booked in. I never have an hour and a half, Like that's a fucking long time. And I would say it was like an hour of that was on my ass.
Wow, Happy Father's Day, babe.
He did this thing where he'd like it wasn't like rubbing. It was like he would just push in like a pressure point in my ass and then he did then like move my leg as he was like putting like. It was fucking strange and I've had this headache ever since.
Fuck. Look it was that seems traumatic. But Laura, did you do the old when you go home and be like, but that was great? Laura was like, how was it? It was like, I think I might have cheated on your It's like getting a heck, it's a fear of mine. Look, I don't you hate massages. I hate I hated get touched in appropriately. This is a safe place. No no, no. Did you go to the saying one in Bondo? No? No, no, no, no, no, definitely not on Wall Street. Look, I was a monster,
so I've heard. It's not that I'm afraid of being like touched by man. No, that's not it, because I'm like, as you know, a very touchy guy. Can I say one more thing? Yeah.
One of the reasons why I don't like a man to give me massage is the hands are like really rough. It was very like the callouses.
You know, it's like it. So there's a gym goer you were that How old was this guy? Forty?
Very rough hands. It was like being massaged but someone was sound paper gloves on.
I just don't like the feeling of a massage, whether it's being from a man or a woman. But the last massage, he'll change, perspective, the old made of Bonda, he'll change, he'll swing. Yeah. I was in Bali years ago. April and I both got a massage at a Ballei place. I can't like. I think it was incouder or leg you whatever. And this is the last massage I had so long before we were even married. I'm talking ten years ago since I've had a massage. I don't lie,
you can, I just don't. I don't like the pressure of it. But this particular it was a man as well, nice guy whatever, but he literally beat me up. It was like a fucking like I like, he was like punching my back, like he was taking out some serious anger going to town on you. Did you say anything? No, because you can't. It's like when your heads I fucked your hair up and you're like it was great and then you go home and shave your head.
Dude, the Messus could be hot whax on me, and I'd be like, that is lovely, that is beautiful.
I'm gonna get a third degree by very much great and like honestly, like just beat me up and that's all I remember. I'm a little bit traumatized from that. I think that I'm just like I didn't like that, So why would I do something I don't line? Do you like massages prior to that? Not really either, I don't know, but I think that just firmed up that this is not for me. Yeah. Look if someone like like when I go on like a roller or something like that, I hate that. I hate it, and people
was like I love getting on the roller. Jesus Christ, Relax, Jesus Christ. Does April ever give you a massage? Now? She doesn't touch me? Ah nah, because she knows I'm not into it. That's just not for me. Speaking of father today present, there's a guy who lives across the street from me here. First of all, really nice guy, so nice so that the other night when I went out onto the boxing and I got home at like
two two thirty in the morning. Anyway, it was early in the morning, late at night, early in the morning. And I saw him a few days later and he comes up to me. He goes, he was you okay. I was like why. He goes, oh, you wake me up the other morning, because that garage is really squeaky. And I looked at the window and you were flat on your back in the garage. I was like, oh, yeah, I'd been out. He was like, how fucked up were you? And I was like no. I was like, no, no misunderstanding.
He was like, I nearly called the ambulance. Did you pass out? No? So I was trying to close the garage, like I opened a little bit to slide in underneath like a cat burglar. He said he nearly called the police because he thought and then he realized. He's like, he thought we were getting robbed, and then he saw me and he thought, oh, he's dead. She's had a heart attack. But the reason I was so still is because I was edging the garage really really slowly to
not wake the kids up. Why don't you just get some WD forty. I've done it now, I've done the WD forty. Yeah. But anyway, he's nice really nice guy. But I've been in this house now for too far other days, let's call it, and I've noticed something about him. And he's a grandfather. And he's got this shirt that he wears on both Father's days, which is great. So it's a shirt both father's days. So this one and last year, I got you, gotcha, confuse you the shit
out of you. There. I thought maybe he was like English, he's American. Actually continue so actually when is American? Father? That? I keep tabs on that too. Maybe I've seen it more, but anyway, it's a great shirt. It's just a brown shirt, classic grandpa brown shirt, and on the back of his a photo of him and his granddaughter and it's his best friend since two thousand and eight. I love that like that, and he like proudly wears it on Father's Day.
Like that is great. That's like honestly, like you know how there was like like my kids love Popper. Yeah, like it's like they hate dad but love Popper. Right, it's like our best friends. Do you think you get to that age you don't have any real friends. I'm already already at that age, which I think, yeah, super cute.
But then it made me think about like shit Father's Day presence and every year anyone who has kids, kindie, they always make a really big effort to make sure that you get something from the kids are painting that's terrible or something. But I've got a beer cooler that's not bad.
Got to be a cooller which was was drawn as a white beer cooler, which had been drawn by the kids. Got one from Mali, one from Lola Marley's was Okah, it was terrible.
It was no good. It was it was you're like judging it. So who's the winner is really? Give you kids the complex the.
One that Loa gave me, still on the floor of the car. She doesn't know what she can't even remember what happened this morning.
Yeah, I'll get it. I'll put it in them. But that's not bad. That's not bad. Some shitty artwork, No, just the Wow, look how much shitty artworker's up there?
Yeah, there's oscar get really pumped and you pick him up and he's like, oh, comes home and he goes, Daddy, look look I made.
There's another stack up there. There's another stack in the family filing cabinet. Look at it. It's too much you're gonna throw it out, You're gonna frame it, wait for next winter and use it. There's kindly, But this year, look, and I feel like every week I'm having a swap at kindy And I'm sorry, this isn't a swap you because I appreciate the effort. Okay, that to go. We'll send Oscar home and Macy home with something to that. Appreciate the effort. So don't get me wrong, but there's
no way I want a fucking jar AsSalt. And that's what I got this year. Okay, It's just it's a tiny jub I was like, I have it, yeah it, yeah, please? Who's coming up with these ideas? I don't hate it. I don't hate it. What's like the grass clippings in it? Like rosemary ideas? But why did they think that I wouldn't need salt? It's rosemary. It's rosemary infused salt what every father needs. Yeah, but that's like what who just so who signed off on that? Give me a beer caller.
That's a lot of salt. It is a lot of salt. But like what like what like I just don't just don't get it, Matthew, Like I'm puffed from end upstairs to make you do that. But like, look, if you're listening, it's just gone past Father's Day, so of course, Happy Father's Day to everyone. Well this is going to come out. Well wait, we didn't even wish anyone. No, we didn't. I didn't. That's why I did it on the story. But just tell us what you got that was shared. Look,
it's a unique gift. It's weird that they didn't.
And for anyone who's wondering what the salt looks like, we will put a photo of this slash video on our socials at two doting dads. But it's weird that it's not in any way painted by Oscar.
Yeah, I thought, yeah, do you know what you paint that? And I'm like, that's cool. Here we go. God ashes off the table. He's now.
He's getting something else. Not sure what it's going to be.
Oh, he's good. This is last year. That's good gear. That's that's that's what I'm expecting. What's underneath it? Yeah, last year?
Yeah, and it's that's Oscar's hand a wooden box. And again we'll put this on socials, a wooden box handprint.
Happy Father's Day.
Sticker and it says fun dad, strong dad, kind dad.
That's not true.
Why is dad sweet dad?
Best dad? True? My dad? My dad? See that quality very different. Hey, I'm disgruntled. I understand. I was like, it's confusing, like here you go, is there anything else? Do you reckon? Do you reckon? Oscar's just broken into the kitchen and just yeah, yeah, the food down at Kinny's really blanding now but yeah, look, actually I forgot about that and just till now. But again in the cupboard, no, I can see it. But the artwork, there's too much. I understand.
Also also love love people who work at daycare, all educators, you guys, unsung heroes of this.
I already told them to get over themselves earlier on. Yeah. I don't think I can backflip on that, but that's what I'm saying. I am not having a dig at them, because it's the thought that counts. But just think about what you're sending home.
There was every month there's like a new little fundraiser at our daycare, you know, sometimes really great organizations. It changes each time, and they're raising money.
I'm not sure who's for only fans.
I'm sure it's a very deserving organization. And the mechanic was I think it was a donation for art that has been created by like there's three different groups at decade. There's like the infants, there's like the toddlers, so maybe like one to two ish, and then there's like two three, two to four. And it was done by those who at age one to two.
So it was like a.
Stack of artwork that donated that you could donate a bit of money for and you get you get to choose your artwork.
But it was just it was just it was so first of all, you're already sending home shitty artwork and now they're asking you to pay for more shitty artwork as a donation. And I'll tell you what, I'll give you the money. I don't want the shitty artwork because I could just about start my own artwork. I've got up there. And the rule is if any of that comes down, it goes straight to the bin. So if I pull that cupboard sometimes you know those coin machines, you put a coin and it pushes them to the
edge and sometimes they fall out. If anything falls out of there, on one of the opens straight to the bin.
I'm not opposed to throwing out artwork. Laura has a draw anything.
Marley draws. She's very good. Marley is good. She's very good.
And Laura keeps it all but like there's not like what are we going to do with it? You know, we reached a limit now.
Yeah, I also got a picture. I'd like this because it's a good laugh and it's like a picture and that it has what they love about their dad, but it's written not in their handwriting, because he can barely fucking write. The teachers said, you know, what do you like about your daddy? Mine was like, I'm just gonna get it because back up again, Yeah you are okay. As I was saying, they send home these and it's got my dad, and then I love my dad because and then they write the rest of it because if
I was his handwriting is that neat? Can I read it? Read it? So? Great?
Picture of you blue nose and you've got a purple mouth, which is weird. I love my dad because he helps me with boxes and toys and making things.
That's beautiful. Yeah, that's really nice. I like that, But you know they're always so random. April's one was the best for Mother's Day a couple of years ago. It was like, I love my mummy because she makes the drinks alcoholic. I was like, until people anyway, Ship presents.
Ash before we do the segment one of your favorites, Budgie Smugglers Most Ordinary Parent. Do you want to give us a little update of mister Freeze aka the Samurai Wilding meth Head.
The Samurai meth Head. Yeah. Look, there's been some more kerfuffles in the area. So if you heard the last episode he was wielding a samurai saw it in the kids park on a Sunday, which is prime time kids park time. And then I went over to the cafe yesterday and there was like three or four cop cars in the car park. Again what now? And I walked into the cafe and Peak goes, mister Freeze's at it again. Why do they call him? Mister Freeze? Is a nice said,
I think to be creative. So it's not has nothing to do with Batman. You guys have given him that name, it's not. Yeah, he doesn't introduce himself as mister Freeze. Yeah. Yeah. First of all, I was like, this is a nickname that Pete's given him, and then I put the video on our socials of me telling that story last week, and two or three people have messaged me saying, oh, classic, mister Freeze. So he's known in the area now as mister Freeze and he will not go by any other
name other than that. And he's still and if he's listening, the samurai saw was taken off him and he somehow produced a new samurai. I don't know, but if you go into his Facebook, it's really bad because he lives close and he'll probably come after me. Sorry. Kids. A photo his profile picture is a photo of a samurai saw. Yeah, but which one. We're not sure it's actually it's actually a clip out of a samurai with like a Japanese dragon behind it. It's safe to say the guy's into
samurai saw. Anyway, We love you, mister Freeze. When you come out on Parole. We cannot wait to have you on the podcast back. Well, apparently he held his parents hostage. Okay, I wonder if he's got any kids. Been nice to have him on. Well, Pete was saying that he was he was out in the front of his house with a fishing rod, casting the fishing rod into the car. Park. Okay, like he was fishing, what are you catch trying to catch? What are you trying to catch? Mate? Thank you for
the update. It's going to the new segment.
Let's should we have this like a running a running segment.
Freeze should get his home address and knock on his door. I know roughly which one is. But look, I'm very mindful that if he has any idea of who you are, you'll follow me. I will never do another record here again. Let's do this segment, Budgie Smoker's most Ordinary parent. I thought you'd never ask. Let's do it. We just argent repair ordinary repair. We don't know what we do. We don't know what we're doing because repair. Those of you who don't know what this segment is. It's brought to
you by Budget Smugglud of course, and I fighted. That's okay, I farted across the six again. Play on. You have the opportunity, not you, Matthew. The listeners have the opportunity to win two hundred dollars worth of Budget Smugglers product, which is great. Every time we rung this segment, and the segment is based around the ordinary parenting you do. And example is The winner last week was someone who secretly breaks their kids toys so that she has an excuse to throw them out.
I was thinking about last week. I do think that and deserving.
Of the award the gift for trying to take it back off.
No, I would never take it back off her because we've given it out and I'm glad that she got it. But I did think, don't you reckon? It's better off just to like, when the kids are away, you can just throw things out without them realizing.
I see it. You can also instead of throwing them out, maybe donate them. Okay, but that's different. I think the reason for the breaking them secretly and then pretending to break them when the kids are there so they know what happened to them. So there's sometimes when i've for example, the other night, I woke up in the middle of nights who get Oscar? Because he pissed the bed and I stepped on his favorite monster truck snapped the wheel
off of hidden it. He doesn't know yet somehow I'm going to make so it looks like he broke it anyway. That's what this segment's all about. But if I just threw that out, for example, and he was like, where's my grave digger monster truck. Then I'll be like, oh, throw it out. That's way worse when you go, oh, mommy accidentally broke it, silly clumsy mummy. Ha. We'll have to throw it out because it's not fixable. So that's what your points nullum voice. Sorry, apologies. Okay, So this week,
let's go. We'll do the same thing. We'll read out one age and then we'll read out the winter. And I've got an absolute cracker for the winner. I reckon he's been warning. No Jesus a tag on them. They smell tangy.
We've got Budgies over the mics and these are the customs limited edition Jam Pikelerts Pink Budgy smugglers. We will at some point give some out.
We will. Yes, I've got some on the way. They're fucking great. A they're brand new. No, they're bananas. I love it. Yeah, I've got I've got them all man. Okay, so I've got a great one here. Great in terms of this is fucking average. This is very average. I shouldn't laugh. You shouldn't be I shouldn't laugh, but I will from Meg another Meg Meg won at last week is the same. I don't ever last name. Maybe Meg's
just like Meg's just an ordinary preparent. He loves Budgie, she says, hungover question Mark.
Sometimes we are. She has a great solution, throw a handful of sultanas all across the floor and head straight back to bed. These kids occupied for hours an hour? How many is she throwing?
She's just like one of those Kilo bags.
It's like when you're a farmer and you're feeding pigs and you're just throwing feet off the floor.
Trying to keep me entertained. I know a look, I know what you mean. Like that, my kids love sultanas. Might have grown out of the sultana phase. Do you know what would really get him? If I threw like a bunch of Eminem's, Oh, that would be it. I'd get it. It's to sleep all day, just really really quickly.
We have a packet of Eminem's and it sits next to the wheat picks. And this morning I got the wheat picks out and the Eminem's packet fell on the ground. I like a few Eminem's like bounced.
andCA It's like it was like little rodents.
Yeah, like, honestly, before I had a chance, Lola was like, looking at she's already an I give it back, like wrestling with that.
She's like, that's great. So the next one, this is also not the winner. This is just another one which we thought was really good as well. Actually I really do like this one. So Marie, she doubles the bedding for any incidents during the night. So Matthew, what she would do is go waterproof sheet, then fitted sheet, waterproof sheet and then fitted sheet. It's kind of like the
pasta past. So what she does is like the other night when I got up and Oscar piss of the bed and you had to sleep in our room because it was like, oh, I'm going to get the sheets off and change it. Fuck that at three o'clock in the morning. It was just getting a bed with us. This just ripped the top two layers off. That is genius and straight back into bed.
At the moment, Lola is obsessed with warm water. She's not having the milk, and she's waking.
Up in the middle of the night. She's just obsessed with.
She's so all or nothing at the moment, dummies and warm water. And then she'll have two or three bottles of warm water and we try and give her like a little bit and she just pisss right through the nappy.
Oh my god, just like like all nine yeah, and then we have to bring her into bed and it's just that is genius. That's great from her. Name's Marie Morale. Oh, we've got the winner. We have the winner, please, Matthew. This week's winner comes from someone by the name of Caitlin. Great. This one's come on our email. So she's emailed us, which is in the bio of two Doting Dads. It is two D D two double D at a look dot com correct or you can dms, but email it's
good too. So it comes from Kaitlyn. And Kaitlyn says, our eighteen month old likes to empty out the contents of our top bedside draw. What have we got there? Her favorite thing to play with is a pair of sex dies, amongst some other adult things. She's at a she's at the age where it's often just easier to let her play with them rather than deal with the tens, and so I just let her go. And then she goes on to say and says, it was pretty awkward, Mum and dad came over and she was playing with sex,
diyes and lube in the loud. So that is our winner for this week. Caitlyn gradually happy, play on. I love this segment weekend. It's an absolute crack Like. I get a few emails and they're all pretty good.
Great, great, So Caitlin, we will be in touch. We will send you your voucher two hundred bucks worth of budget smuggler gear.
Congratulations. Yes. To finish off today, we're going to just do a couple of questions. So every week we answer the questions of this great nation. They rely on us heavily to answer these questions. But also don't take any advice that we give you.
Yeah, if you have a question, please send it through. Yes, we would love to hear from the parents of this country. It gives me great pride.
Of any country. But don't just pigeonhole us. No. Yeah, I'll take anything, any country from around the world. I'll take it. I would you like to go first? Oh? Yeah, okay, sure, why not? I'll go first? All right? Matthew. What do you enjoy doing for your wife that you know helps them out? Absolutely nothing too. There's a few things that I do you are a very doting dad, guilty guilty loving husband has charged? Well, that's what I'll say at your funeral, will be like he was a very doting
dad loving husband. My now wife, Laura, allow anywhere near my funeral. You miss completely miss my joke. You know I heard it. I fucking heard it. Mine now wife and step children. I have my sister wives, able and Laura. Laura is a big fan. She is at her absolute happiest slash horniest when the house is clean.
If the house is dirty, which it often is with two kids, it's very unlikely that she would be in the mood. But actually, like we have a fortnight. We have a cleaner come through on a Thursday and gives us a little.
Hand just having sex with the clean don't let me out like that man, come on. Yeah, And like Laura comes home, it's like fuck, yeah, I got to wash that clean and whip around mouse that mop.
She loves it when it's spotless, and I will like sometimes I'll like, you know, I'll just vacuum the floor, I'll put the washing away because she comes home. And it's more so like I'll only do the tasks that have strong visual Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, like I won't do like it's like these they put the good apples at the front. Similar thing. Yes, you're like, okay, what does she see when she walks in if there's no shoes and stuff on the entrance to the how.
And then when she walks through and she sees at the kitchen table, She's just that's just the dumping ground of all the clearings.
And I'm like, you know, I just I'll hide that in like closet somewhere with rubbish bags. She's like, all she cares about is just she gets weaker than these.
Yeah.
Literally, she's like, man, and then the icing on the cake, the cremedther crem is. I'm very guilty.
I take my clothes off and if it's worn but not dirty enough to be put in the laundry.
But it's floor drope. Yes, yeah, and I'm so guilty of it. I know you are, as he's every couple and every man. Hence the video I have made on that where it's kind of like you're gonna put this in the washing. They're not dirty, he put them away. They're clean. Well, they're not exactly clean. It's the halfway pile. There needs to be a better invention for where that stuff can be called a chair. That's the next thing. I put my clothes away and Laura sees that the
bedroom is clean. Well, yeah, it's on business. Damn they not keep her off me. Yeah, that's what I do. What do you do? What do I do? Oh? Look? Oh look do you know what I do? Or do nothing? She don't care how drink she gets home, Like, what's for dinner? Look? I cook? I cook every night. That's my thing. Like last night I cooked and then I did all the washing up and we were on the phone.
I just went into autopiloted. And if I'm just happy, if she says thanks babe, and then she can go off, have a shower, go and read and let me let me be what I'm doing. Love it. That is just beautiful, kind of sad. Okay, last question, what is the best thing about having two kids? Very good question, because you'd think that there's not a lot of good things other than twice the love, I would say, And I had a moment the other day where me, Macey and Osca
went to the park. Okay, and I had a moment where Macy was in the swing, and swing's a great one because you could just be like yeah, I but Oscar started pushing Macy on the swing and I just sat down and I was like, how fucking good is this? This is why you have two so that the older one can eventually take over your duties as the parent. That is the best thing about having two kids.
And next week Oscar will be on the podcast, should be on the couch drinking beer.
We'll be divorced. So how was your week, He'd be like, I had a kidney on Wednesday.
When when the kids start playing with each other nicely, it is a beautiful thing, and it doesn't last that long because often anything that Lola touches, Lola is for those who aren't familiar, Lola is two for me, Marley is four lower touches anything.
She's two for you, she two for everybody else. I can see how you can find that funny is fucking terrible. Two for everyone.
But anything that Lola touches anything at all, Mary's like, oh I fuck, it was just about to grab I want it now, And so that often ends in an argument.
It's like that video I made of George Stanza, and that literally as soon as I saw that, I was.
Like that is what it's like having to Lola will touch the play dough and then Marley's like, I was just about to play with that, and then I can like coax it out of Lola give it to Marley and Marley's having and then Lola will then grab like the soccer ball and Then's like, well, that's my soccer ball as well.
The worst is when they like I had it first and it was like you have it three days ago. It's a nightmare.
But then there are moments, very brief moments like you know, we have a little doll house up in their room, and then I can hear them playing and I can like just like pop my head like just ever so slightly in the doorway and I can see them playing, and they're playing like moms and dads, and it's just warm as my cold dead heart. When they're being a happy like a year and a half between, they're pretty close. Yeah, and like no that they may grow up to be best friends.
Maybe all they might hate each other. I'm sure they will. Yeah, I'm sure they will. It's beautiful and like Oscar is like the same. But anyway, update on Oscar just before we go, before we let the good people of all the nations go update on Oscar. From the start of this conversation, we have you started laughing. We have received communication that Oscar needs to be picked up from KINDI okay, so not only have I paid for the day, now he's got to spend the day here, so I'll better
go on do that. Yes, and oh he made it to one thirty. Yeah, that's pretty good, so look, thank you again. Oh can I just say one thing? Yes, Ash, you know this.
The good people of this podcast don't know this. On the sixteenth of September, which is a Saturday, I'm going to be taking on a new job as chief packing Officer at ALDI, albeit at Brookvale Brooker Deval, which is your neck of the words.
Ash. For two bucks, I will pack you at the checkout because Matt really needs the money. Times are tough for this podcast is not making us any money anymore. So I'm now at Aldi.
All that money that's donated will then go to Camp Quality for Kids with cancer.
Two bucks rip off. I think that's two bucks are back.
I was saying, yeah, or the whole lot per shopper, per shopper two bucks.
It's like me and a bunch of shoppers get together and be like, look, we can all chip in twenty cents. No, it is for a good cause. Christ I'm going to come down. That's a lie. I'm not going to come down. You won't look if I'm going to come down. I really wanted to come down to shame you, but I feel because it's for charity, I can't do that. You can shame me if you want. Okay, cool wi heckle me hit the checkout. I was going to bring a
bunch of my mates down. Yeah. Nothing, Well, I don't know if I should wear the short shorts or like pants short shorts, Yeah, get the pins out. Laura doesn't like him regress, talk about what she likes. I'm doing it. I'm doing it for you a bit. The missus from Bondey as well. Every there. He already text me, he said, make sure you convince him to weather short.
So yeah, sixteen Saturday, Aldi brook Vale, all for good cause, for cant quality and as you've got to go pick up Oscar, we should.
Get out of here. If you enjoyed today's sorry, please if you enjoyed today's episodes, please hit subscribe button. Send it to someone that could use a per cup, A parent or a non parent who cares. Jump onto Spotify, Jump onto Apple, iHeartRadio. Leave a review five stars. Follow us on our Instagram, what said and we love you. Clearly I need to go so yeah two.
Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
We pay our respects to their elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestrate Islander peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land